Work Text:
Ray stares blankly down at the notebook in front of him, taking the pencil loosely on the desk. He isn’t really sure why he agreed to do this with his family, something about “doing a good deed for someone who needs it” and “supporting our country”, but Ray has never been very patriotic.
Regardless, he’s sitting in his dark apartment, staring down at the lined paper, thinking of something, anything to write to supposed soldier number 422013. So he starts it off just like that.
1/2/2014
#422013,
I’m not exactly sure how I’m supposed to write this really. I’ve never done this before and this is a little... weird, if I’m honest. I don’t even know if this’ll get to you. It’s kind of strange. I don’t even know your name!
I guess I should introduce myself then. My name is Ray, I’m 23 years old and I really love videogames. I’m not a very interesting person am I? I’ll try to think of something next time I send a letter.
So, tell me about yourself I guess? What’s your name, for starters? Age? God I’m so fucking bad at this aren’t I?
Well, I know this is kind of an awkward first letter, but all the same, I hope it does something for you. I mean, that’s the point of this program right? To help you guys out? What’s it like out on the field anyways?
Ray
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1/10/2014
#422013,
I’m assuming you probably didn’t get my first letter or that it was so awful that you didn’t want to send one back – which is fine by the way. I was just kind of curious about you since I’ll be writing to you for six months. Wow, I just realized how much time I’m going to spend writing.
Since I don’t really have a ton to talk about, I guess I’ll tell you about my day so far. I went to work at Gamestop – videogames are my life, I’m sure you’ll learn – and Michael, whose my best friend, is fuming about a game he’s been playing. Saying it’s something called “The Impossible Game” and I’m not entirely sure why, but I start laughing.
Michael is the funniest guy when he’s angry. He slams his controller on his desk or he’ll stomp out of the room and it’s so fucking funny. You wouldn’t even believe that the guy is one of the best gamers I’ve met either.
Anyways, so I went to work and basically sat at the front desk doing nothing for a couple of hours and then came home and started writing this. My day’s pretty shit, isn’t it?
Anyways, I’m really hoping you’ll reply to at least one of these letters. I feel like I’m talking to myself. Is that weird? It’s too strange talking to someone as anonymous as a number. At least tell me your name? Maybe?
Ray
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1-15-14
Ray,
My name is Joel Heyman.
This is really short. My reply will be longer next time.
Joel
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1/19/2014
Joel,
Wow so you are a real person! I’m honestly really sorry that I doubted your existence for a while. And I even got a name! I guess I should thank you for that. Now I don’t feel like I’m talking to a wall.
Anyways, I think I should ask you how you’re doing. How are things over where you’re stationed? Where are you stationed anyways? I mean, if it’s not confidential or anything. I just want to know where my letters are going.
I have a little bit of a story from today. Michael – I mentioned him in my last letter – and I are friends with this other guy named Gavin, who is a complete wreck most of the time. Anyways, I was drinking some water today at work when he stopped by and right as I’m taking a sip, he comes next to me and squeezes the bottle.
It was kind of hard to explain to my boss why my entire uniform was wet after that, but I gotta admit, the entire thing was pretty funny.
So does anything interesting happen over there or are you all just sitting in tents and playing stupid games? (If you are, I’m so sorry I didn’t really mean to say stupid)
Ray
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1-25-14
Ray,
I’m glad you’re not feeling like you’re talking to a wall anymore. I don’t know what I’d do if I caused someone to go insane. Of course, I joke.
You’re pretty spot on with how things go around here – in Iran, by the way. Most of us kind of just talk. Sometimes there’s, uh, some drills we have to go through and an occasional raid, but most of the time it’s safe. I kinda wish there was more going on. Is that bad?
I wish I could tell you interesting stories but, like I said, not much happens here. It’s kind of boring really. I mean, I have a couple of friends like Burnie and Jack who are with me here, but otherwise I don’t have anyone to talk to.
That’s why I like getting your letters, I think. I know I didn’t really reply to the last couple, but you caught me at a very busy week, but it’s nice talking to someone that isn’t the people I see every day.
Joel
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1/27/2014
J-Roll,
Sorry about the dumb nickname, I thought of it yesterday when I was lying in bed.
..That sounds really wrong. (God I’m so sorry.)
Anyways, I’m honored to be graced with such a lengthy reply! Could it be that I, Ray Narvaez Jr. is getting Joel Heyman out of his shell?
Which reminds me, I don’t really know a ton about you. So, if you wanted, tell me about yourself? I don’t even know what you look like.
I’m sure there are plenty of things that happen at camp. You just gotta go look for them! Maybe you’re not trying hard enough. (I kid, I kid.)
I’m glad that you like getting my letters. I like hearing back from you too. Feels like I’ve known you forever. And that probably also sounds really creepy. I swear I’m not creepy like this usually. Maybe you just bring it out of me.
Sincerely,
Ray
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2-1-14
Ray,
So I get a sincerely now, do I? Is this the next stage of our friendship or are we rushing things? Maybe we should slow down, babe.
Anyways, there’s not much to tell about me, you know? I’m 42 years old (sorry, forgot to mention you’re talking to an old geezer), I’m average sized, short dark hair. I’m quite boring, really. You seem much more interesting, if I’m being totally honest.
I think you were right about not looking hard enough – apparently I’ve been missing out on the other guys at camp running around and playing hide and seek. I swear to you that most of us are grown men and women.
Since I told you about myself, I want you to tell me about, well, you. I don’t know what you look like either, mister. Where do you live, for starters?
Also, I just wanted to give you a heads up. We have a raid in a couple days so my letters might be delayed a little bit. If you send one beforehand, I’ll try to reply ASAP. Wish us luck!
Yours truly,
Joel
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2/6/2014
Joel,
I’m trying to get this back to you as fast as you can because I know that you have your raid soon! Or you might have already had it. Either way, I hope you get this, yeah? Stay safe for me, dude.
Also, “yours truly”? I thought you said not to take things too fast, Joel.
Is being 42 that bad then? The way you write makes it seem like you the mentality of a twenty year old. I’m sure you look like one too from the way you act. Not losing any hair, are you?
I’m really not very interesting at all. My friends are the ones that do all of the crazy things like getting drunk at 1 in the morning and having me take them all home. It’s a good thing that I don’t drink or else they’d get their sorry asses stranded at some bar.
I live in Austin, Texas right now. Michael moved here last year and I guess I kinda just followed after him.
Hide and seek is the shit, man. I hope you joined in or I’d be very disappointed in you. Tsk, tsk.
Where did you live before being deployed? Oh wait, that’s too personal isn’t it? Sorry, couldn’t help myself, since we are telling each other about ourselves.
I don’t have any stories this time around, but I’m hoping you make your way back safely. Respond as soon as you can, yeah?
Your friend,
Ray
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2-10-14
Ray,
Sorry this is a little bit late. A lot of things have happened since I’ve sent a letter so I guess I’ll start with the raid.
It was fine, for the most part. Someone I knew got shot though. Can you believe it, though? Seeing someone I stay at camp with, who I eat and spend time with, lying on the ground in pain. It was honestly really hard to watch.
The rest of it was fine though. I think I’m just a little stunted after what happened. I mean, that could have been me, right?
After the raid, we all hung back at camp and just sat for a while. No one talked and I think that the experience sobered us in a way.
I’m honestly glad to be writing to you. A couple of the other guys in my squad had people writing to them too, and as soon as they sent the letters that they were fine, that they survived the raid, the other people just stopped responding. I mean, how much of a dick move is that? I honestly hope that the same doesn’t happen to you and me. Plus, only four more months until I get home.
Back to your question though – it’s quite a coincidence that you live in Austin because I’m from there. Crazy how we haven’t run into each other then, huh? At least, not that I know. (You never did describe to me what you look like.)
Love,
Joel
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2/14/2014
Joel,
Wow I’m not entirely sure how to respond to something like that. Actually, reading it I felt a little sick. I’m really sorry you had to see any of that, and in front of you. I don’t know what I’d do if I were in your position, really.
I’m just glad to hear from you. I know that this is weird, but I love sending you letters. I know that we don’t know each other that well yet, but I always find myself really happy when I get the mail and I see an envelope addressed to me. Makes me really happy that I can talk to someone. And trust me, I will always respond to you no matter what. I’m not an asshole like those other people seem to be, thinking that they can just drop them on a dime and expect them not to be hurt. Inconsiderate assholes, they are.
I think I need to learn to stop talking or else I’m just going to embarrass myself more.
Michael is looking at me weird right now ‘cause I’m all flustered from making a fool of myself. I didn’t really want to wait to get home to respond to your letter, so I decided to start writing this at work since our Gamestop is pretty much deserted. He doesn’t really know that I’m writing to you, but he always gets a little distracted when Gavin walks in. (He just looked away because said Brit just strolled into the store, that bastard.) He’s absolutely head over heels and he doesn’t even see it. Typical Michael. And on Valentine’s day too?
Oh that’s right. Must have slipped my mind. Well, I have shaggy black hair and I wear glasses and TV shirts pretty much every day of my life. (Except when I’m at work of course.) See? I told you I’m not interesting.
Anyways, I really hope things are going well. I can’t wait for you to come home!
Love,
Ray
(P.S. Happy Valentine’s Day J )
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2-20-14
Dear Ray,
Thanks for the Valentine’s wishes, Ray! Don’t usually have anyone to wish it to, but I hope you had a good day doing whatever it is you usually do. From our previous letters, I’m assuming you were playing Xbox or something.
I’m not going to lie, I was laughing at the bit in your last letter about you blushing. I’m sure you looked really cute. If it makes any difference, Burnie and Jack don’t really know about me writing to you either. I mean, they know I’m writing to someone, but they don’t really know who, you know?
Your friend Michael seems like a good guy. Tell him he needs to wake up and smell the British. I’m sure Gavin and him are great guys - great guys that need to be disgustingly cute together so that you can complain but secretly be happy for them. I mean, that’s what usually happens, right?
No, you sound far more interesting than me, I promise you. In fact, when we meet, I’ll totally prove it to you.
That reminds me, I was wondering if you wanted to come pick me up at the airport when I get back. Sorry that’s a little bit of a weird question isn’t it? And you don’t even have to answer now.
Oh god I’m awful,
Joel
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2/27/2014
Joel,
Trust me, you’re not awful. Actually, I thought it was sweet that you wanted me to pick you up. I mean, first I gotta get my drivers license, but I have another 4 months to get that done yeah? I promise by the time that you see this beautiful face I will be able to drive and thus will be able to chauffer you anywhere you want to go.
Have you actually thought about that? What you’ll do when you get back home? I’m sure it must be weird, being in a foreign place for so long. Do you ever just get tired of it?
Oh! Something great happened today! I guess your encouraging words helped Michael (even if he didn’t really know about them) because he finally fucking asked Gavin out. It took him two years for him to muster up the courage.
It actually happened at work today. I was at the register and he was in the back, and he called over to me. He was all “Ray, can you cover me for a couple of minutes?” and of course like I was gonna say no to the guy. I nodded and so I was in the back, stacking a couple of boxes of some new arrivals and so I take a peak outside. Well that cheeky little bastard was leant over the counter, kissing Gavin. I guess this one time I’m really glad we don’t have a ton of customers. Could you imagine someone’s face?
Anyways, it was all sappy and shit, and, turns out you were right about the whole “pretending-to-gag-but-secretly-glad” thing.
Anyways, I think I’m actually going to sleep now. It’s four in the morning right now, and I need some sleep before tomorrow. I have the early shift. And on a Friday. Yuck.
Love,
Ray
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3-6-14
Ray,
I have to make this quick cause I’m about to get on a truck to our next raid. Crazy, I know, but we should be fine.
I’m glad things worked out with Gavin and Michael. I’d like to meet them one day, congratulate them myself.
Our squad is leaving now, so I have to go. Wish us luck.
Love,
Joel
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3/14/2014
Joel,
I hope the raid went okay! I was hoping you were safe, so… please still be alive, yeah?
Can you believe you’re already three months into your deployment? You’re halfway done! And when you get back we’re going to have the best time in the world. We can go to dinner wherever you want! Hell, we could go to McDonalds and it would be the best thing in the world. I’m sure the food over there gets boring.
I was thinking about this the other day. I’ve never rewritten any of the letters I’ve sent you. I just feel oddly comfortable talking to you. I don’t have to erase anything I write I just… write.
Michael and Gavin are still wondering who I’m sending letters to, and I’m tempted to tell them, but honestly, I want to keep a thing just between you and me. That’s not odd is it? I hope not.
Anyways, I figured that I wanted to send you something for once so I hope that this gets through customs okay! I enclosed my old DS and I hope it’s enough to keep you entertained at least a little. I send a couple of games because, again, I wasn’t sure what you’d like. I hope that it’s okay!
Love,
Ray
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3-19-14
Ray,
I’m so glad to be writing to you again. Sorry about my shorter reply before. It was kind of hard to find time to write to you and I wanted to make sure you knew where I was going, just in case something happened.
I’m looking forward to getting home actually. Yeah, already half my time here is gone and it doesn’t even seem like it, thanks to you. This is going to seem extremely creepy, but I always bring your letters with me when I go somewhere that isn’t camp. I take them with me for good luck, I think. They help me mentally prepare for what we’re going to do, so thank you. I don’t think I’ve said that enough.
When I land, I expect a full paid trip to Jersey Mikes because, god, have I missed their food. That and a beer. Don’t worry, I won’t get drunk on you. I’ll just get a soda so that I’m not wasted while spending time with you.
I don’t think keeping this a secret is a bad thing at all. I kind of like it when it’s just you and me.
Oh, something interesting did finally happen here at camp though. Jack has been writing to his fiancée and they’ve set a date for their wedding. It was all quite sweet. He proposed before we were deployed, but because it was so last minute, he wasn’t able to give her the ring. Instead, he sent one in a package. It was adorable. Disgustingly so.
Thanks for letting me use your DS, by the way. Burnie was extremely jealous of it. It ran out of charge, since I was playing it for most of this past week, so I sent it pack in this envelope too. Hopefully you can charge it up again and send it back? I forgot how much fun Pokemon was.
Joel
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3/24/14
Joel,
What, no love for me? You wound me, Joel. (I’m clutching at my chest as my heart breaks. I hope you’re proud.)
You bring my letters with you? That’s – wow that’s kind of awesome. I didn’t know that you liked them so much. I guess I definitely need to keep sending you more. I’m going to drown you in paper at this point. (Where do you even keep these letters?)
Jersey Mikes it is then! You’ll be happy to know that I scheduled an appointment to get my license next month. Well, technically I ordered it like, a couple of weeks ago, but they couldn’t get back to me until now I guess. I’m excited for when you come back now.
Oh wow, sounds like Jack is really anxious to get home then, yeah? So who’s the lucky lady then? I’m sure they’re wonderful together. I’m guessing that he lives in Austin too, yeah?
I charged the DS for you too! Hope this is alright.
Love,
Ray
(P.S. Even though you didn’t send me, I’m sending love.)
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4-3-14
Ray,
Thanks again for the DS! I ran out of charge again, but I managed to finish the game so you don’t have to send it back. Thank you for the entertainment, it really helped!
Oh god I guess the “love” thing slipped my mind, I’ll make sure to make up for my mistake.
Good for you! God I still can’t believe that you don’t have your driver’s license. You’re, what, twenty-three and you can’t drive? I’m sorry that is a little pathetic.
That was the wrong thing to say oh my god I’m so sorry I didn’t mean it to sound like that. I just think it’s weird. When I was your age, all I wanted to do was be able to drive. (Now I just sound old, ugh.)
Her name is Caiti and she’s a sweetheart. Australian too! Jack calls her his little Aussie. Again, adorable. He’s super anxious to get home, like you said. He’s been so excited about the wedding recently, says he’s sorted everything out. I’m going to be his best man too! I guess I’m just going to need a plus one now…. You wouldn’t by any chance know anyone who is free?
Love (see I didn’t forget it this time),
Joel
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4/11/2014
Dear Joel,
Thanks for the DS back! I was beginning to miss it. My poor baby misses its home right on my desk, so thank you for getting her home safely.
No man it is kind of pathetic. I can’t drive, I can barely ride a bike. I prefer walking out of anything because, well, usually the things I need are only a block away. It isn’t hard. Plus, everyone knows that Puerto Ricans are too poor to afford cars. Or other things.
She sounds nice. Jack must be a catch, huh! I might know some people you can go with. I mean, there’s always Geoff or Ryan, or even Barbara, but I don’t know, you don’t seem like their type. Maybe I could go with you, ease the boredom. What do you say?
Oh I forgot to mention, I went out with Michael and Gavin today. I felt like such a third wheel, it was a little ridiculous. But, anyways, we went out because they needed to buy some “stuff” (I honestly don’t want to know) and I stopped by one of the stores and saw this pendant. I don’t know, I thought it was pretty cool and I wanted you to have it. Hope you like Minecraft!
With love,
Ray
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4-16-14
Ray,
Thanks for the pendant! Gosh I haven’t seen a diamond pickaxe in the longest time. I’m itching to get back to my game. I’ll tell you, I might not seem like it, but I’m actually quite a good builder. I’ll have to show you sometime.
Oh come on, I’m sure you’re just putting yourself down. I’m sure you’re plenty capable of driving a car. You said it was for this week, so in your next letter tell me how it goes yeah? I’m excited to hear it!
You know, I think it could work. It’s a deal. You take me to Jersey Mikes when I get back, I drag you to a wedding. (For some reason hat doesn’t seem very fair on my part.) I don’t think Jack would mind if I introduced you.
I think Burnie is catching on about these letters now. He keeps smirking at me every time I’m reading your newest one. It’s honestly starting to creep me out. Damn perceptive man.
I’m so close to coming home though, its mind blowing. Only two more months. I keep telling myself this, you know? But sometimes I really don’t even have to. Thanks to your letters, I’m barely paying attention to the amount of time that’s going by. The just seem to make every week better for me.
That was really cheesy oh god.
Love,
Joel
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4/24/2014
Joel,
I’m really glad you like the necklace. I didn’t even know you played video games until you started obsessing over my DS. (Pretty sure I can feel your grimy hands all over its surface when I touch it. I’m just kidding of course.) So I was praying that you would at least appreciate it. But, turns out you liked it more than I thought.
The test went really well actually! My instructor called me a couple of days ago and told me that I passed, so guess who’s going in for his picture tomorrow? That’s right, this lad! I’ll have to have the picture copied so you can see it before you get back.
I think we both have very perceptive people in our life because, now, when I’m at work with Michael, he’s always smiling at me. And not like a small “I know what you’re up to” kind of smile. No, it’s that shit eating grin of his he always gets when he knows something’s up. I guess I’ll have to tell him eventually, but that can wait until you actually get home. Barely two month now, Joel!
You know, I think I like cheesy you. It’s cute.
I hope to hear from you soon!
Love,
Ray
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5-1-14
Ray,
There’s something I need to say. And, I know what you’re thinking: I promise it’s nothing bad okay? It’s just something I need to get off my chest.
Ray Narvaez Jr., I’ve been thinking about some things, about how happy I always am when I see you’ve wrote or how excited I get to send back my reply, already anxious for yours, and I’ve come to terms about some things.
I’m not good with words and making things seem all elegant or shit, but I gotta tell you: I might just be a little in love with you.
I just needed to tell you.
Tomorrow is one of our last raids before we’re beginning to pack up and head home. It’s a little daunting, knowing that it’s only a month away. I can’t wait to get home. I can’t wait to see you.
I love you,
Joel
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5/5/2014
Joel,
I tried to reply to this as fast as possible. I know that you’ve already been on your raid, so I’m excited to hear from you again.
I’ve thought about things too Joel. Michael told me he knew something was up and I think I finally understand what he meant. I think I love you too Joel. I know that we must seem crazy to others, but I feel so comfortable around you. I don’t know, I just know I really love you.
And this is corny and cheesy, but I wanted to make sure you knew that too. Funny how we’re confessing through letter. I’d never thought that’d happen to me.
Write as soon as you can. I can’t wait to see you.
Love,
Ray
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5/11/2014
I love you,
I don’t know if you got my last letter, so just in case you didn’t I wanted to say that first. It’s been a while and I hope you’re okay. I miss talking to you.
Michael says that I’ve looked depressed all week. I really hope not. I just keep thinking about how short of a time it’ll be until you get here and... I can’t wait. I hope you know I’ll be waiting in the terminal with a ridiculous sign. I wonder if I can convince Geoff’s daughter to make it.
Anyways, it’ll have your name on it and I’ll be waiting for you. Don’t forget about that, yeah?
Love,
Ray
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5/21/2014
Joel,
I decided to call the agency, ask if they know what happened to you. Apparently you got a head injury while on your last raid. They said they didn’t know if you were gonna wake up or not.
The person on the phone with me was telling me how most of you guys were ambushed. I asked about Burnie and Jack – they got out fine. I’m sure they’re worried about you.
I feel sick to my stomach. I really, really hope you won’t die. Please don’t die, you’re so close to coming home now.
Sorry about the couple of water stains. I guess my hands were wet when I was writing this. (You didn’t believe a word of that did you?)
Love,
Ray
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5/26/2014
Joel,
I’m sending one last letter because I’m honestly terrified right now.
Please live. That’s all I’m asking. Please.
I love you.
Ray.
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5-28-14
I’m coming home
Love,
Joel
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6/1/2014
Ray’s heart has never beat faster than it is right now.
He’s standing in the terminal of an airport with about fifty or more people, waiting for the soldiers to arrive and step off of that plane.
A huge sign is clutched in his hand, just as ridiculous as he promised. Sure enough, Ray was able to convince Geoff and his daughter to spend an hour on the glitter and glue covered sign. It’s pretty much perfect.
But the one thing running through Ray’s head is whether or not Joel will step off that plane. The only indication Ray had that he was okay was that one stupid note that he may or may not have kept in his pocket for the rest of the week.
An announcer is coming over the PA, something about a plane and landing and welcome back soldiers and, even with its current rate, Ray’s heart picks up the pace.
His eyes wander over the crowd as, slowly, one by one, each soldier is directed off of the plane and back onto American soil. For a split second, he wonders if Caiti is here too, waiting for Jack’s return.
He watches closely, hoping to spot any sort of particularly defining feature. Joel’s description had been vague way back when, and even now, he could have changed in the matter of months that he was there. Ray silently hopes that he finds him.
Almost the entire plane has been emptied, but a few stragglers linger behind.
And then he sees it.
Clear as day, a blue pickaxe no bigger than the size of a paperclip is seen against a camouflage backdrop. The man who’s wearing it is facing away from Ray, but a bandage is clearly covering half of his head, keeping his injury at bay.
Ray’s stops breathing when their eyes meet.
The man, most likely Joel, is staring with his mouth slightly agape. Ray tries to offer a smile, but it comes out as more of a pained shrug.
Then, the man is smiling madly at him, like he’s the best thing he’s ever seen in the world, and that’s when Ray knows it’s Joel for real.
The man is practically sprinting at him now, and Ray throws the cardboard sign onto the floor.
They meet in a tight embrace, strong arms clinging onto each other’s bodies as they hug. Ray feels tears welling up in his eyes, and he lets them fall slowly.
“You’re home,” he mutters to Joel, and he feels the other’s body shudder with a loud sob.
They’re a mess by the time that they retreat from the tight hug, and Joel looks down at Ray through his blurry vision.
“I’m home,” he repeats and doesn’t hesitate to connect his lips to Ray’s.