Chapter Text
When Sugawara Koushi first laid eyes on Sawamura Daichi, it never crossed his mind that he would fall so hopelessly in love with him. Neither did he ever thought that his love would lead them to where they are now, to how they are now.
So close, but so far away.
Suga already had a bad feeling when Michimiya insisted him to meet her boyfriend. But Suga shrugged it off, thinking it was just him being his usual self: not wanting to meddle with other people’s love life. Now that the said man is standing right in front of him, Suga knows for certain why.
“Oh, I’ve always wanted for you two to meet,” Michimiya chirps.
But we already have.
“Suga-kun, this is my boyfriend.”
When Sugawara Koushi first met Sawamura Daichi, he never thought that he’s tied by the red thread to the person standing in front of him.
“Hi, nice to meet you, I’m Sawamura but you can call me Daichi.”
I know.
In sight, but out of reach.
Their first meeting was long ago—lifetimes ago and Suga doesn’t bother to keep track of time. There’s no point in it. The situation back then is somewhat similar to theirs now; they’re in their early twenties, it’s late at night, and they’re meeting in a crowded place. So when Daichi turns to face Suga, his eyes welcoming and warm as always, Suga felt his tongue dry from nostalgia.
Familiar, but not the same.
Suga would promise that he’ll never forget the happiness he shared with Daichi, the joy he brought to his life, the smiles he brought to his face—but he hates making promises he couldn’t keep.
*
“Suga-kun,” Michimiya called in sing-song. She was hoping for a lively response but the best Suga could offer her in the middle of a busy week is a lifeless hmm and it clearly isn’t enough for Michimiya. “Look at me when I’m talking to you!”
Suga lazily turns his attention to Michimiya, his best friend since junior high, and muttered an incoherent response. “This better be important.”
“It is!” Michimiya claims. “Let’s have dinner tonight.”
Suga throws her a confused side glance, “Huh?”
“Dinner. The last meal of the day. After work,” Michimiya says in her peculiar choice of words. “I want to introduce you to someone.”
“If you’re trying to set me up on another blind date, don’t. Forget it,” Suga refuses as he slumps on his chair.
Michimiya snickered, “Quite the opposite actually. I want you to meet my boyfriend.”
Suga suddenly sits up straight, “You mean finally meet the boyfriend you have been bragging about? Hah, and here I thought you were just making things up to make your life sound less miserable.”
“Well, excuse me for wanting some privacy,” Michimiya exclaims. She pouts and folds her arms across her chest.
“Alright then, show me the guy who is unfortunate enough to fall to the likes of you,” Suga teased.
Michimiya throws a pencil at Suga’s direction, “Promise me you’ll behave.”
“Michi-chan, we both know I’m the civilized one among us,” Suga raised his shoulders and earned another pencil thrown at him.
“I’m not joking! He’s way out of my league,” Michimiya screeched, “I seriously like this one and I want us to have a future together. Please, you know how self-conscious I am, promise me you won’t embarrass me.”
“Oh that one you can do by yourself—ow!” a marker landed on Suga’s side. Seriously, is someone willingly dating this cavewoman?
“That one incident at the company karaoke never happened,” Michimiya insists.
Suga lets out his wide grin and it made Michimiya even more panicky.
“And don’t you dare make him fall in love with you!”
Suga throws the two pencils and marker back to Michimiya, “What the hell’s that supposed to mean?”
You’re an attractive guy with a promising career and a likeable personality, Michimiya wanted to say but she didn’t want to look shallow and insecure in front of Suga.
“He’s a great guy, I mean who wouldn’t have a crush on him?” Michimiya says instead.
Suga rolls his eyes, “You’re so biased, nobody is that great.”
“Promise me!” Michimiya whines.
“Fine, whatever geez,” at this point Suga would agree to anything if he can hurry back to work.
*
It only took Suga one glance to know that he has broken his words long before he even said them.
“Hi, nice to meet you, I’m Sawamura but you can call me Daichi.”
I know.
Instead of reaching for a handshake, Suga has his eyes locked to Daichi’s. He has black hair – in their previous life he had brown hair that looks pretty good on him, really, but Suga prefers his natural black. His cheek bones are more visible. His lips, the exact same lips that Suga used (and loved) to kiss, has the same shape and color. His eyes still have the same shine, a very Daichi kind of shine. Even after countless of ‘first meetings’ Suga can still feel his heart flutter as if it was their ultimate first.
“Oh, hello I’m Suga,” Suga snaps out and quickly reaches for Daichi’s open hand, “Sorry I was spacing out. You look familiar so I thought we’ve met before.”
Daichi chuckles, oh even his laugh is the same, “That’s not possible. I don’t think I can forget a face like yours.”
This is the part where Suga’s heart sink and he is remembered of their circumstance.
“Daichi is a medical intern at Tohoku General Hospital, maybe you’ve seen him there,” Michimiya suggested, “In fact, that is how I met him. Remember that time I accidentally cut myself with a craft knife when we were making a maquette? Daichi’s the one who stitched my hand back in shape.”
“I was the one who had to assure you that you’re not going to die of blood loss,” Daichi reminded Michimiya of her own ridiculousness that day.
“Oh come on Daichi, you’re supposed to be saying nice things about me and – ooh!” Michimiya jumps up from her seat, “That’s our reservation number! Come on guys, I only hear good things about this restaurant.”
Daichi lets out a small laugh before following his girlfriend’s steps. He throws a quick glance towards Suga who is still sitting down on his seat, “Come on Suga.”
The rest of the evening was particularly difficult for Suga. Even though Michimiya was right about the restaurant serving the best ramen in the neighborhood, reuniting with Daichi is never easy for Suga. Of course, Michimiya is not to blame. After all, she only wanted to have the two closest people in her life to be friends.
Michimiya first met Daichi at Tohoku General Hospital when she needed stitches after hurting herself with a craft knife. Ten days later she came back to the hospital to get the stitches removed, also by Daichi. Michimiya admits she fell for Daichi instantly even though she only found the courage to ask him out much later. They started dating a few months after the craft knife incident. However, Michimiya never properly introduces Daichi to her friends–Suga being the first to officially meet him and even that took several months after they started dating.
Daichi knows how to hold up a conversation and he made sure Suga doesn’t feel like a third wheel during their dinner. Suga is amazed by how Daichi’s personality cease to change in almost every lifetime. He is still friendly, nice, has a heartwarming smile. His favorite food is still shoyu ramen and he adores wine. His laugh is still loud and he would hold his stomach when he laughs too hard. It’s funny how Michimiya tries hard to let Suga know more about Daichi when in fact he probably knows too much about him already–including their forgotten past lives.
“So what do you think of him?” Michimiya asked in whisper although it isn’t necessary because Daichi excused himself to the toilet.
Suga gulps his drink before answering, “He’s nice.”
Such an understatement, Suga mentally said to himself.
“I told you he’s amazing!” Michimiya says excitedly.
Suga chuckles and places his empty sake glass on the table, “I can see why you like him.”
“You’re a bit quiet tonight, is everything alright?” Michimiya asks as she poured herself and Suga another round.
“I’m just tired from work,” Suga tries to assure Michimiya (and himself).
“I really hope you two can be friends,” Michimiya said with a smile.
You can never be friends with someone you once fell in love with.
Suga responds with a smile albeit a forced one. He’s happy for Michimiya, he truly is, because despite what is written in the stars there is no way he could ever be together with Daichi.
*
It happened a long time ago – way too long for Suga to remember clearly how it started. All he remembers is that he and Daichi are indeed tied by the red string of fate. Suga wouldn’t have believed in such things if only he hadn’t met the lunar god himself. Yeah, those were the time of myths and in a land of magic. Nowadays everything is so dull and emotionless.
Suga remembers who he was in his first life. He was the son of the court physician and Daichi was crown prince. Despite being born to a family of nobles, there is no way he could have a relationship with Daichi, the heir to the throne. The kingdom needs its future king and the dynasty needs the bloodline to continue their legacy. Of course, that didn’t stop Daichi from falling for Suga and vice versa. Daichi would use his authority to find time together and those were the most thrilling and beautiful memories they shared.
Unfortunately, they couldn’t keep their relationship a secret for long as the king found out and will do anything in his power to separate them, including the use of dark magic. It takes powerful magic to break a bond as sacred as the red thread and even the greatest sorcerer to ever walk this earth can only bend and not break it.
Not being able to recall blurry details, that is how Daichi and Suga end in a never-ending reincarnation circle. The sorcerer indeed succeeds in separating them but what is written in the sky, remains as it is. Daichi and Suga are still tied by the red thread however circumstances never allow them to be together. In each life, only one of them remembers their past life, their shared history, and their love while the other can only remember very little if anything at all.
It’s not hard for the other to regain full memories. It’s not like they have to cross stormy seas and battle a fire breathing dragon like in the old days. No. It only takes a kiss. One passionate kiss and all the memories will come back in an instant. But there is a catch and this is where the sorcerer’s curse take place. The moment the other regains his memories, remembers their bond, and reclaims his love, the reincarnation circle restarts. The one who remembers will die, leaving the other alone with all the regained memories but no one to share it with.
After numerous cycles, Suga starts to recognize a pattern. Somehow Daichi will show up in his life no matter how hard he tries to avoid him. For some reason Daichi will always enter his life as someone close to him, as if the curse is trying to torture him more than it already is. As if it is forcing Suga to be with Daichi without being able to actually be with him. And Suga knows, no matter how hard he tries, he will never love anyone as much as he loves Daichi.
Daichi once reincarnated as Suga’s neighbor which of course became his childhood friend. Once as his roommate in college – that one was tough. He was also once his boss at work. Another time, he was a new barista at a café Suga frequents. No matter when, where, under what circumstances Suga would fall for Daichi without question.
By default, Suga tries to avoid Daichi. However, there are times Suga would let himself get involved in Daichi’s life – like the time he was stuck in an abusive relationship. But most of the times, such as now, Suga prefers to keep his distance and watch from afar. He knows he would die the moment Daichi regains his memory and that would mean that Daichi will live the rest of his life haunted by their past lives, he wants to spare Daichi that pain for as long as he possibly can.
Another reason is that Michimiya is by far the best partner Daichi has had in a long time. Daichi is kind hearted as he’s always been and people tend to take him for granted. As much as Suga wants to hate Michimiya, he really can’t. Michimiya is nice, funny, and loyal. She treasures Daichi and makes him feel loved. And knowing their limits, there is nothing more Suga wants than to see Daichi happy.
Isn’t that what love is? It’s because you love that you worry, you support, and you want to make someone happy.
*
Suga’s brain stripped to its basic fight-or-flight mode upon hearing Michimiya’s request. Luckily his common sense stopped him from doing anything he might regret later; like mindlessly confessing his everlasting love for Michimiya’s boyfriend, straining their friendship or sparking a string of unwanted questions from her. Michimiya gave a smile, her trademark gummy smile as she waits eagerly for Suga’s response. The mistake Suga made was looking up and catching Michimiya’s hopeful stare.
“I don’t think it’s a good idea,” Suga hesitates.
“Oh come on!” Michimiya groans and throws her head back, “It’s a big day for Daichi, are you really going to let him down?”
“Me letting him down?” Suga refuses the blame, “I’m not the one who has a client meeting in Hokkaido on the day of his white coat ceremony. You’re the lover damn it, act like one.”
Ah, the familiar twinge in his chest every time Suga points out that hurtful fact.
“He’s your friend too, be more considerate!” Michimiya tries to ride Suga with guilt.
He’s your friend too.
Sadly, that’s probably all they’ll ever be despite the red thread that bonds them.
“I still think accompanying him to the after party is a tad bit too much,” Suga insists. People bring dates to events like this for goodness sake.
“Absolutely not,” Michimiya assures.
“You do realize you’re making your boyfriend bring another date to a formal event, right?” Suga raises an eyebrow.
“Well who else am I supposed to ask?” Michimiya asks and showers Suga with desperate stares. “Oikawa?”
Pfft, as beautiful as the bastard can be, he’s not Daichi’s type.
“Are you out of your mind? Iwaizumi doesn’t play nice,” Suga says rather too loud.
“Please, Suga, please I beg of you,” Michimiya drops her head low and clasps her hands together, “I feel horrible not being there for Daichi. You have to go in my place.”
Suga felt bad and he isn’t sure whether it’s because of Michimiya’s pleads or other unmentionable reasons.
“You know, I’m sure you two would be great friends if you just give him the chance,” Michimiya cautiously mentions.
Suga understands what Michimiya meant. Although he approves their relationship, never once Suga shows his support. Suga would unconsciously act quieter when Daichi is around. He avoids being left alone with Daichi and only does small talk. Michimiya even asked him if there is a problem because he thought that for some reason he dislikes Daichi.
“I think this’ll be a great opportunity for you two to get to know each other better,” Michimiya adds.
Oh Yui, I already know him more than you ever will.
“Why does it even matter?” Suga groaned.
“Because as annoying as you can be, I trust your opinion,” Michimiya insisted with a rare seriousness in her voice, “Because you’re my best friend.”
Suga feels bad and he hopes like hell it doesn’t show in his face.
“I’ll think about it,” Suga slowly gave in and it was enough to bring joy back in Michimiya’s face.
“I know I can count on you!” Michimiya exclaims happily even though Suga hasn’t promised anything, “You know what, I’ll get you some more coffee.”
Michimiya jumps up and skips to the cashier before Suga is able to say anything. They’ve been friends for years now that Michimiya has Suga’s coffee order memorized on the back of his head. Suga used the few solitary minutes to sigh heavily.
“So it begins,” Suga whispers to himself. His eyes empty and a painful smile curls on his lips as he blankly stares through the wide window of the coffee shop.