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“Cassian fucking Andor, I swear to god…” You stormed down the hallway like a bat out of hell. You had just been informed by an excited rebel that Cassian’s mission had been a success. Normally that would be something to celebrate except that you hadn’t even known he was on a mission. Then the man went on to say, “Yeah, it was a risky one- there were a couple moments where we weren’t sure he was going to make it out.”
You’d heard enough. You asked the man where Cassian was then you turned on your heel and stomped down to talk to him.
His back was to you but that doesn’t stop you from coming for his life.
“What the fuck, Cassian?” He turned quickly and faced you. There was a dark bruise under his eye and bandages wrapped around his knuckles. It was obvious that he’d been in a fight. You gaped at him for a moment before getting straight to the point. “Why didn’t you tell me that you were going on a mission?”
“It didn’t come up,” he responded, calmly. Can you believe this shit?
“’Didn’t come up’? Are you serious? I never thought I’d have to ask if you were going on a mission because I assumed you’d tell me!”
He shrugged, “It’s not important.”
You stuttered upon trying to find the words to express the growing anger. “Are you shitting me?! You could have died, Cassian!”
His eyes shifted down and he finally began to look guilty. “But I didn’t.”
“And if you had?”
“But I didn’t,” he repeated. His face held that stubborn look you were so familiar with.
“I could’ve helped,” You said.
“It was a solo op.”
“I still could’ve helped. One way or another.”
“We had it covered,” he insisted.
“Are you for-fucking-real? Are you only going to tell me when you’re putting your life in danger if I can be of use?”
Cassian sighed, “Why do you care so much anyways?”
“Because I care about you, Cassian! A lot. And if you were killed I don’t know what I’d do with myself!” You screamed the words out faster than you even had time to process them. It wasn’t until the look on his face changed that you realized what you had just said.
His stubborn critical expression transformed to a softer (slightly shocked) one. “…You care about me?”
“Yes, Cassian!” You blurted, “Why is that so hard for you to believe?”
“I… I just…” He looked away, focusing his attention on the wall.
“Believe it or not, some of us here actually care about the people we’re rebelling with. We aren’t doing this for revenge; we’re doing it because it means a better life for those people.”
He continued to stare at the wall.
“Fine, whatever. Continue to push people away, Cassian. You’re already so fucking good at it.” The last remark left a bitter taste in your mouth, but you turned and began to walk towards the door
“Wait,” he reached out and grabbed your wrist.
“What?” You snapped, pulling your wrist away. You could see that he was hurt by your comments.
“I care about you too.”
You turned completely to face him. “Then why didn’t you tell me?”
He hesitated, “As long as you don’t care, you can’t get hurt when they’re gone.”
“It’s better to have loved and lost than to-“
“Not in my experience”
You gripped his hands, holding them like fragile glass. “Cassian, your anger doesn’t have to be your motivation anymore. Love can.”
He pulled his hands back slightly, not out of your grip, but enough that you felt his resistance. “I don’t want to mourn another person.”
“Have you ever considered that I’m not going to die?” His eyes studied your face as though he was trying to figure out if you were lying. You released his hands, grabbed his shoulders , and shook him a bit to catch his attention. “God, Cassian, you can have a happy ending. Why is that so hard for you to understand?”
He continued to stare at you as if he couldn’t understand what you were saying. You continued, “Just because we’re rebels and murderers doesn’t mean that we can’t be happy. It doesn’t mean that we have to be alone and it certainly doesn’t mean that we can’t be loved.”
“It just seems selfish… if something happens to me then you’re the one who is going to be hurt.”
You scoffed, “You’re looking at it all wrong. If anything, you’re the one being selfish. I don’t want to be mourning someone, thinking about what could have been. I’d rather have memories to comfort me than ‘what if’s to torture me.”
“Really?” He still seemed skeptical.
You frowned at him. Nothing you could ever say would change his mind. So instead, you kissed him.
Surprised, he moved back a bit before relaxing and leaning into the kiss. His hands pulled you closer and he kissed you back. The kiss was hungry and long. You didn’t pull away until you needed air. Breathing hard, Cassian nodded.
“What?” You asked.
“You’re right… Maybe, I should stop pushing people away.” You smiled at him. “But you have to promise me something,” he said.
“What?”
“If I die…”
“Cassian.”
“If I die,” he repeated, strongly this time, “You have to keep going. I don’t want to be the reason that you don’t get your happy ending.”
It broke your heart to hear him saying those words. Cassian couldn’t seem to be able to accept any ending for himself besides a heartbreaking one.
“Do you promise?”