Chapter Text
"You two are gross," Christen barely hears above the music and the action of whatever movie is playing on the television in front of them. Christen stopped paying attention to the movie a while ago and instead focused on the feeling of Tobin's left index finger drawing circles on her shoulder.
She wants to tell Kelley to shut-up, to stop watching her and Tobin as they cuddle together on the too-small love seat, to tell her to turn around and go back to watching the movie that Christen remembers Kelley insisting on. Instead, after realizing Tobin didn't hear Kelley, Christen decides to ignore her. She's comfortable, with her temple resting against the top of Tobin's chest and the way Tobin is pulling Christen as close to her as she can.
The recliner is meant to seat one person, but when everyone else claimed their spots on all the other chairs and couches in Alex's massive living room and left Christen without a place to sit except the floor, Tobin scooted over, telling Christen that there was plenty of room for the both of them.
And there is plenty of room. Christen's sure she has half a foot of space between herself the the arm of the chair. She doesn't feel like moving over, though. She sure that even if she tried, Tobin would be pulling her back anyway. So, she sits with her knees pulled up, resting practically in Tobin's lap.
Kelley grabs the remote and pauses the movie, making everyone groan in frustration.
"I said," Kelly states dramatically, turning her entire body toward Christen and Tobin. "You two are gross."
Every pair of eyes that were previously on Kelley, pleading for her to re-play the movie, follows her line of vision to the couple cuddled on the sofa.
Christen feels like pulling away, suddenly self conscious about the way she and Tobin are pressed together. As if reading her mind, or just noticing the way Christen stiffens, Tobin left hand stops it's movements and tightens around Christen.
"Shut up, Kel."
Christen's sure she'd see Tobin roll her eyes if she wasn't still resting her head on the toned shoulder. She does see Tobin use her free hand to throw a pillow at Kelley and a small smile forms on her lips when it bounces off of Kelley's face and lands softly onto the floor. Christen is able to breath a little easier when she knows Tobin will protect her, even if it's just from her annoying teammates.
"You guys sure you broke up three years ago?" This time it's Allie's turn to bother them.
Tobin's hand begins running up and down Christen's bicep, the firm pressure soothing Christen's erratic heartbeat that started the minute all eyes were on her.
Tobin must know Christen doesn't want to answer because she sighing dramatically before answering for her.
"Yes we're sure and we were sure the last 50 times you asked us."
"It's just that..." Alex starts, trailing off as her hands wave through the air, searching for the words that she doesn't want to say. Their friends have never voiced their full opinions before, they have only made off hand comments drawing attention to Christen and Tobin's closeness.
"You act like a couple," Meghan supplies, gesturing toward Christen still leaning against Tobin.
Christen sits up, instantly missing the feeling of Tobin's warmth against her side, but grateful that Tobin still hasn't moved her arm from around her shoulder. She's stopped running her hand up and down Christen's arm, but is griping tight enough that she'd be able to pull Christen close again if she really wanted to.
"We're just friends," Christen states and Tobin nods vigorously beside her. "Friends cuddle all the time."
They're met with a chorus of groans before Allie speaks up again.
"You can't be friends with an ex. It doesn't work like that."
"Exactly," everyone says at almost the same time. Both Christen and Tobin sigh, unhappy with where this conversation is heading, but unable to do anything about it.
"Well, why not?" Tobin asks, defiance clear in her tone. "It's not like it was a messy break up. We both decided that a long distance relationship wasn't fair to each other. We're happy with how things are."
The room falls quiet, thinking back to when Tobin moved to France and Christen to Sweden. Christen knows that everyone is thinking of what to say next, but she isn't going to give them anything. Instead Christen stares at the television, willing it to start playing again to bring everyone's attention away from Christen's surely pink cheeks.
She's comfortable in what she has with Tobin. They're friends, Christen might argue that they're best friends. After moving back to the US at the creation of the new league, they practically fell back into what they had. Sure, it was missing a few intimate details, but Christen had her confidant back, a shoulder to cry on, the person who knew the exact right thing to say to make her feel better. Christen's grateful that Tobin's back in her life and she wouldn't change anything about that for the world.
"If two past lovers can remain friends, it's either they were never in love, or they still are."
Alyssa's words feel like glass pressing into Christen's skin, cutting deep into her stomach with no relief in sight. Her eyes whip from the landscape frozen on the screen to the blonde. She's sitting by herself, nervously biting her lip and playing with her fingers in her lap.
Alyssa was awfully quiet during the whole conversation until now, not even speaking up when the rest were groaning their frustrations. Christen remembers now; a few months ago, Alyssa showed her this quote. At the time, Christen didn't think anything of it, but thinking back, her teammate was clearly hinting at whatever's going on between her and Tobin.
"Can we just go back to watching the movie?" Christen asks, hoping to get the attention off of herself and the million thoughts running through her head. She's fairly certain if everyone keeps looking at her, she's going to say something she isn't ready to admit to yet.
She knows she loved Tobin and she knows she needs Tobin in her life. Christen doesn't want to do anything to lose Tobin. If she does say something to her and Tobin doesn't feel the same way, she knows they won't be the same. Her stomach is starting to form knots and she really just wants to be left alone so that she can curl back into Tobin's side.
Kelley huffs out a breath and turns her attention back to the television. "Fine," she says reluctantly, pressing play and allowing the movie to resume.
Christen waits until everyone is focused back on the movie before pulling her knees back to her chest and resting her head back onto Tobin's shoulder. She exhales slowly when Tobin rubs up and down the length of her bicep, careful to keep her breath silent to try to keep her nosy teammates' eyes off of her and Tobin. Her eyes close gently when she feels Tobin place a soft kiss to the top of her head and Christen can't help the smile that pulls at her lips when she snuggles further into Tobin.
Yes she loves Tobin. She hasn't stopped loving Tobin, but she isn't quite ready to admit that to herself or Tobin.
***
Christen's glad to be away from her prying teammates. She knows they mean well, but Christen doesn't like the way that it seems like they are forcing her to confront her feelings. Being alone with just Tobin is calming.
"We should probably talk."
Until Tobin says that.
Christen clears her throat, creates a small amount of space between them in the hotel room they're sharing by sitting in the middle of her bed, cross-legged facing Tobin.
"We don't have to, you know." She knows she probably shouldn't avoid this, but she's not ready to lose Tobin as a friend when she inevitably turns her down.
Shaking her head, Tobin joins Christen on her bed, sitting close, but leaving enough space as to not overwhelm Christen. She reaches her hand towards Christen, smiling when Christen intertwines their fingers and places their hands on her knee.
Christen knows where this conversation is headed.
She knows how she feels about Tobin, even though she's not ready to admit it yet and she knows it's definitely one sided. Tobin only treats Christen like a friend and Christen is making everything awkward by acting like Tobin's girlfriend.
Before Christen is able to get out of her head, Tobin is running her thumb across Christen's knuckles, calming her significantly with the smallest of gestures. Christen allows herself to relax by focusing on the feeling of Tobin's soft finger across her skin, coordinating her breathing with the forward and backward motion of movement along her knuckles.
"I don't expect you to say anything," Tobin starts, staring straight into Christen's eyes. She looks so open and honest that Christen can't help but stare back. "But I thinks it's pretty obvious that I like you."
Hearing those words fall so gently from Tobin's lips takes Christen's breath away. She can feel her lips moving, as if to answer with no words are coming to her mind. She wants to reply so badly, but before she can, Tobin is speaking again.
"I don't expect anything. Honestly." Her grip is tightening around Christen's hand to convey that she's telling the truth. "I love being your friend and I don't want to lose you." It's as if she reading Christen's mind, saying exactly what Christen is thinking. "If all you can offer me is friendship, I'll take it because you are way too important to me to lose."
The tears forming in Tobin's eyes are pulling at Christen's heart. She still can't find the right words to say, so she does the only thing she can think of.
With her hand still gripped with Tobin's, Christen sits up on her knees, leaning into Tobin. Tobin's eyes have shifted downward, staring at the floral bedspread under them instead of deep into Christen's eyes. Using her free hand, Christen tilts Tobin's chin back up. She needs Tobin to know she's sincere.
Tobin's lips are slightly parted as Christen continues to lean in, allowing her to slot their lips together easily. Tobin lets out a long, shuddering breath, letting her eyes flutter closed before Christen does the same. Their lips glide together perfectly, as if it hasn't been over three years since they've last kissed.
Christen's missed this. She wasn't ready to admit it, but now that she gets to feel Tobin's lips against her own again, she can't believe she was denying her feelings. She feels completely at ease, revelling in the feeling of Tobin's tongue gliding against her bottom lip, silently asking for permission to enter.
A moan escapes from both of them at nearly the same time, before Christen's grin make it impossible for her to continue to kiss Tobin back. Christen creates a bit of space between their lips, allowing them both to catch their breath. With her hand still caressing Tobin's jaw, Christen begins giggling uncontrollably, a blissful smile unable to leave her face.
Tobin creates a bit more space between them, looking over the giggling girl in front of her. "What's so funny?" She asks, confusion evident in both her voice and the way her eyebrows are knit together.
"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that," she states so simply, cheeks beginning to ache from the smile refusing to leave her face.
"I absolutely do, Chris," Tobin says, leaning in to place a soft peck on Christen's smiling lips. "You know I never stopped loving you."
"We should have never broken up." Christen lays down on the bed, pulling Tobin along with her. She lets Tobin get comfortable, with her arms wrapped around her stomach and her head resting on Christen's chest. Their legs are tangled together as they tend to be whenever they cuddle, but it seems so much more intimate now.
"No, definitely not."
Christen sighs, blissfully comfortable with Tobin wrapped completely around her.
"We are back together, right?" Christen asks, trying to keep her mind from thinking about it too much, but needing to know the answer.
Tobin sits up, leaning on her elbow to look Christen in the eyes. "Do you want me to ask you? Make it official?" Christen nods, a blush forming on her cheeks at how needy she seems. "Okay. Christen Press, will you be my girlfriend after three long years where I didn't get to kiss you whenever I wanted?"
Christen wants to joke. Make it seem like she has to think about her answer, but with Tobin's eyes staring deeply into hers, filled with so much love, Christen can't even pretend.
"Absolutely."
Tobin presses another soft kiss to Christen's lips, opening her mouth as Christen deepens it. They separate, reluctantly, and Tobin resumes her previous position with her head on Christen's chest.
"We can't tell them." Tobin laughs at Christen's statement.
"Oh, absolutely not."
"It's our secret."
Tobin hums, agreeing with Christen's words. "Until the day we get married."
"Are you asking," Christen jokes, feeling the familiar pull of sleep start to take over.
"Not yet," Tobin yawns. "Be patient."
Christen places a kiss to the top of Tobin's head. The dread she was feeling earlier in the night is completely gone and is replaced with pure joy.
She loves Tobin and Tobin loves her back.