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It was much too late to be up. The world beneath them was asleep but Andrew and Neil had no intention of joining them. Why should they? Above them the stars were out, tiny little specks in a grand blanket of darkness and Neil felt at peace. A luxury he couldn’t normally afford but after Riko’s untimely demise he suddenly seemed to be finding it more and more often. On the court before a game started, when the Foxes were all together laughing and when he was lying under the stars with his head in Andrew’s lap.
Because he wasn’t the only one who had found some peace, Neil took a sharp breath when Andrew’s hand combed through his hair. It always came as a surprise when Andrew did something gentle, not because he didn’t expect it but because he didn’t know what he had done to deserve this. For either of them. Hell was a tried and travelled path for both and now sitting under the stars Neil could almost believe that there was a heaven. And maybe, just maybe, he’d see it one day.
“You look happy,” Andrew said bluntly. Neil hadn’t realised he’d been grinning but it only widened at Andrew’s remark. He may have changed in some ways but he was still Andrew. Neil twisted so he could look up at his boyfriend, at least Neil presumed that’s what they were, Andrew had not been ready for that conversation yet. Which suited Neil because he wasn’t sure he was ready for that either to Nicky’s ire.
“Maybe I am,” Neil shrugged, “It’s odd it seems to be happening more often lately.”
Andrew scoffed, “You aren’t very good at being subtle are you?”
“I’m honest what can I say?”
Andrew shifted forcing Neil to sit up. Moving closer to the edge Andrew pulled out a cigarette and lit it. Taking a deep drag he seemed lost for a moment. Neil just stared at him, his broad shoulders above strong arms, the way his pale gold hair looked almost luminescent in the moonlight. Neil shuffled over to take a seat next to him. The acrid smell filled Neil’s nose and he felt safe. Not because it reminded him of his mother, not anymore, because it reminded him of home. Andrew took another long drag.
“We’re boyfriends,” Andrew said nonchalantly.
“Pardon?”
“I was thinking about it. You seem happy and I think this will make you happier,” Andrew continued. “So we’re boyfriends.”
“I’m happy just sitting here Andrew. I don’t mind not being your boyfriend if you aren’t ready for that.”
A beat of silence fell. Neil was worried for a fraction of a second he’d said the wrong thing. But Andrew turned to look at him capturing his eyes with his. Never breaking the eye contact he whispered, “I want this.”
It was a small sentence but Neil wanted to look around and see if the world was ending. This was Andrew Minyard, the broken boy who didn’t like to be touched, who’d fought to keep himself away from Neil but had been there at his side nonetheless. This was the man who kept his emotions in a bottle but there was nothing insincere about his words. Neil felt his cheeks warm and his heart flutter. He offered his hand out into the distance between them.
“Me too,” Neil murmured. Andrew looked down at the hand and back at Neil before reaching out and weaving his fingers through Neil’s. With that he turned and looked back at the sky. The conversation was over now and that was fine. Hand in hand with his boyfriend under the moon, Neil finally believed in heaven.