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She had thought she was helping Laura out by suggesting a diet. Nothing too drastic–– just to wean Laura off sweets. Simply introducing a few more salads and protein into meals, and less focus on packages of cookies and soda couldn’t hurt anyone, right?
After all, Carmilla is human now–– more or less, with a few exceptions. The sensitive hearing and ability to see in the dark remain. And she still has vamp-speed and superhuman strength, except she tires out much quicker when she uses them. But the immortality is gone, and so is the need to drink blood.
So when Carmilla came home from a chat with Mattie in the Silas university library one night to find Laura working her way through a tub of ice cream, she suggested more greens and meats. She even gave a whole speech about living as long as they could together, which required being healthy. Nutrition and all that.
Laura had surprised her by immediately agreeing, with one stipulation–– that she could finish the tub of ice cream. And who was Carmilla to deny one last request?
In the weeks that followed, Laura took to the new diet splendidly. More vegetables and fruits, a rotating schedule of fish, chicken, pork, and beef, and she’d even switched to drinking herbal teas or just water. Eventually, she gave up sweets altogether–– no more cookies, ice cream, or soda. When coupled with doing yoga regularly, Laura was in the best shape of her life. She constantly praised Carmilla for pushing her to eat and be healthier.
And now they were months into this decision as Carmilla sits at their kitchen island. Not a cookie in sight.
Laura bounces out from the bedroom, giving her a quick peck on the cheek. “I’m gonna go grocery shopping after I meet with my dad. Want anything?”
Carmilla swallows hard. “Uhm…” She clenches her jaw and plays with the coffee mug in her hands. “Actually…”
Laura pauses her pep and raises an eyebrow. “Everything okay, Carm?”
“Mhm.” Carmilla stares down into the coffee and nods.
“Really? Because you’re focusing so much at that mug, it’s like you’re trying to figure out if you could dive in there and never come out,” Laura teases lightly.
Carmilla chuckles and releases the cup, spinning in her chair to look at Laura. “I’ll go food shopping.” She shrugs. “I just… I want to do my share around here and you should spend as much alone time with your dad as you can.”
Laura grins and steps forward to give her another kiss, this time on the lips. “You do more than your share, Carm,” she says when she pulls away, still smiling.
“I guess. But you should still spend time with your dad. I think a part of him is still wheezing from knowing you died for a few minutes,” Carmilla jokes.
“Ah, and this would have nothing to do with wanting to appease the father-in-law?” Laura says, batting her eyelashes.
Carmilla narrows her eyes in a playful glare. “Not at all,” she replies sweetly.
Laura throws her head back in a laugh and Carmilla smiles at the sound.
“Okay, well I figured for dinner tonight we could have some skillet steak and wilted kale,” Laura says, her tongue sticking out as she thinks. “Oh! And some blue cheese if you want.”
Carmilla nods, making a mental note. “Your wish is my command, cutie.”
“Sap,” Laura comments, grabbing her bag to leave.
“You’ve been spending too much time with Mattie,” Carmilla remarks.
Laura smirks and gives Carmilla one more kiss on the lips with a hum. “I mean… she’s not wrong.”
She laughs at the offended look Carmilla gives her.
“Remember! Steak, kale, blue cheese. Nothing else.” She double-checks her bag. “This diet was a great idea, Carm. I feel great. Bye!”
She waves goodbye and darts out.
Carmilla smiles and shakes her head. She huffs out some air and finishes her coffee.
While she really does want Laura to be able to spend some alone time with her father, there is an ulterior motive.
Laura had taken to completely cutting sweets out of her life.
Carmilla had not.
It starts off small.
Volunteering to go grocery shopping to grab a package of cookies to hide somewhere in their small apartment.
Waking up while Laura sleeps and sneaking one or two out of the package.
And then it becomes not-so-small.
Leaving the apartment at night to find a convenience store still open to increase her stash.
Waiting until Laura goes out to meet with her friends to run to an ice cream parlor.
She may have even snatched someone’s sweets off their table in a cafe when they weren’t looking.
Carmilla makes sure to vamp-run around enough to burn it off, but that just makes her crave sweets more.
One night, her stomach growls during dinner, and Laura simply scoops more spinach onto her plate with a giggle.
Carmilla stabs at the pile, pretending it’s a brownie.
It doesn’t work.
“Where’s Carmilla?” Perry asks as LaFontaine follows her into the apartment.
“I’m not sure,” Laura replies, closing the door behind them. “She said something about wanting me to be able to relax after traveling for work so she was going to run errands for me. But all that’s needed is some light grocery shopping…”
LaF frowns. “That’s weird. I would’ve thought our clingy gal would be glued to your side right now.”
Laura nods. “I’m pretty sure she wanted to go with me on the trip, but I was so busy the whole time it would’ve been silly to drag her to New York.”
Perry is walking around the apartment and returns to them, her nose crinkled. “Well, it might’ve been better to drag her. This place is a mess!” She begins wringing her hands together and lets out a long, pointed sigh. Followed by another.
Laura and LaFontaine share an amused look, both raising an eyebrow.
“Laur, should probably say something soon. She’s about to break out into hives,” they laugh.
Laura giggles and nods. “Perry, you can clean the apar––”
Before she can even finish the sentence, Perry is already running to the closet to grab the cleaning supplies.
LaF and Laura give each other an entertained nudge and head to the kitchen to stay out of Hurricane Perry’s way.
“So how’s your broodier half been?”
“Okay, I guess.” Laura settles onto a chair at the island. “Uhm, she goes out a lot at night when she thinks I’m asleep.”
LaF furrows their eyebrows together. “Like, walking to think?”
Laura picks at a coaster restlessly. “I dunno. All I know is one minute she’s cuddling with me, and the next moment it’s cold, so I open my eyes, and she’s gone, and her boots are gone. And then a little while later, she’s back.”
“That is odd,” LaF frowns. “What do you think she’s out doing?”
Laura’s shoulders slump forward. “I don’t know,” she mumbles.
“Maybe she’s cheating on you,” LaF teases.
Perry pops her head into the room with a scowl. “LaFontaine.”
They hold up their hands. “Joking, joking.”
“She wouldn’t be cheating on me,” Laura says lightly.
“Have you tried just asking her what she’s doing?” Perry asks, tidying up a pile by the couch in the living room. “Coz, remember, Laura. Communication is––”
“––Key. Yeah, I know.” Laura sighs. “I’ve asked her if she’s okay and she always plays it off with some aloof sarcasm. Or cuts me off with a kiss.”
LaF is about to make an inappropriate comment when Carmilla walks in, holding some groceries.
“And why are you talking to them about us kissing, cutie?” Carmilla asks smugly, raising an eyebrow.
Laura chuckles and bounces off the chair, walking past LaF with a pointed look to remain silent. “Maybe if you’d stuck around after I came back, you’d know.”
Carmilla pouts, holding up a plastic bag. “But I got groceries.”
“And for that, I am grateful.” Laura smiles and gives her a peck on the lips.
“Oh, yeah?” Carmilla smirks and pulls Laura towards her, her grin widening when Laura lets out a squeak. “How grateful?”
Perry shrieks in the next room, making Laura jump and Carmilla glare in a general direction.
“Thank god,” LaF exhales, rolling their eyes as they head towards the living room. “Great timing, Per.”
Perry walks over, shaking her head and clicking her tongue. “Gosh! There was an opened package of cookies down here! It flew out at me when I was cleaning under the couch. Now there are crumbs all over my pants,” Perry whines, walking towards them with the offending package in hand.
Laura frowns. “Well, Carm and I haven’t had cookies in the apartment for almost half a year, now. Probably best to throw them out.”
Carmilla starts to protest, but stops herself.
After all, she was planning to go out and buy another one when Laura went to bed, anyway.
As she comes home that night with a bag in her hands, Carmilla realizes someone is in the garbage room in their hallway. And she’d recognize that small form anywhere.
What is Laura doing?
She starts to call out to her, but something stops her and instead she observes her. Laura looks over her shoulder, but Carmilla ducks behind a wall quick enough. She peers around it and finds Laura digging through a garbage can.
Carmilla smiles. This wouldn’t be the first time Laura’s accidentally thrown out something–– a wallet, her phone, one of her Buffy the Vampire Slayer DVDs have all been tragic victims of Laura’s clumsiness.
But when Laura lets out a small “ah-ha!” and holds up the discarded package of cookies, Carmilla’s eyes widen.
Maybe she wasn’t alone in her cravings after all?
She waits a couple minutes after Laura returns to their apartment before following. After all, stalking Laura didn’t seem like the best way to handle anything.
Carmilla muses over the best course of action.
She could use her vampire speed to burst in and catch Laura off-guard.
She could just walk in and be sly. See where it goes.
She could come in through a window and scream, “GOTCHA.”
Carmilla opts for the second one.
It’s a good thing she does, because by the time she lets herself in, Laura is sitting next to the package of cookies, holding one in her hand.
Tears are rolling down her face.
So, none of the above.
“Cupcake? What’s wrong?” Carmilla asks, putting the bag down by the door and rushing over.
“Where were you?” Laura asks with a sniffle, mouth full of cookie.
Carmilla shrugs, kneeling in front of Laura. “Went out for a walk.”
“You’ve been going out for walks almost every night,” Laura says, her voice cracking.
Carmilla swallows hard, her eyes widening. “Uhm. Yeah?” she replies lamely.
Laura grabs another two cookies out of the package and stuffs them into her mouth before letting out a sob.
“Laura,” Carmilla tries gently. “What’s wrong?”
Laura wipes at her cheeks and slowly meets Carmilla’s eyes with a hiccupping sob.
“Are… A-Are you-you cheating on me?” Laura asks softly.
Whatever she was expecting to come out of Laura’s mouth, that definitely wasn’t it. And so, Carmilla is unable to suppress the laugh that comes out of her mouth. It starts off with a failure to muffle a snort, which grows into a louder snort, and next thing either of them know, Carmilla is all out laughing in Laura’s face.
Laura looks taken aback and offended, her sniffling brought to an abrupt end. “You’re laughing at me? Why are you laughing?”
"You're spiraling. Let's take the paranoia down a couple notches, hon," Carmilla manages to get out between her laughs.
"You're not in charge of my notches. I can do whatever I want with my notches," Laura huffs, shoving the cookies aside.
Carmilla is still laughing but trying very hard to stop. “You think… Y-You think I’m cheating on you?”
“Well, no. But LaF said… A-And, what am I supposed to think? You’ve been going out every night when you think I’m too asleep to notice. You come back with this smile on your face.”
Her voice cracks again, her fists clenched in anger and frustration.
“And I mean, of course I didn’t want to think you’d be cheating on me because you’ve given me no reason to doubt your honesty ever and we love each other and we’ve both almost-died for each other so many times that I’m pretty sure the peeps over in the Afterlife Department are like, ‘ugh, you again,’ but I know you’ve been lying to me about why you want to go grocery shopping–– So you’ve been lying to me… And you ran out of here as soon as I came home, just like you do whenever I’m home! So I just don’t know anymore.”
Carmilla’s stopped laughing now, realizing just how badly her recent behavior must have been coming off. “Laura…” She puts a hand on Laura’s knee and gives it a squeeze, looking into her eyes. “I. Have. Not. Been. Cheating. On you.”
Laura searches Carmilla’s face for any signs of dishonesty, and seems to accept it when she doesn’t find any. “Then for the love of Glorificus, where have you been sneaking off to, Carm?” she asks, more calmly. Not as angry, but rather curious.
Carmilla chuckles softly and stands up, walking back towards the door.
“You’re not leaving, are you?” Laura blurts out, eyes wide.
“No! God, no,” Carmilla replies immediately. “I’m showing you where I’ve been going.”
Laura watches as Carmilla picks up the bag and returns to the couch, sitting beside her.
She reaches in and pulls out a package of cookies in front of Laura, sheepishly looking over at her.
Laura stares back at her, confused. “I… don’t get it,” she admits.
“I’ve… been going out at night… to find stores open late… to buy cookies… and I’ve been hiding them out here under the couch,” Carmilla mumbles. “And when I go out grocery shopping, I’m volunteering so I can do the same thing there.”
Laura’s mouth drops open. “What?”
Carmilla nods, the words rushing out. “A couple times when I ran out, I was going to get ice cream. One time I grabbed someone’s croissant right off their café table when they weren’t looking. And it’s coz of this-this… stupid diet!” She throws her hands up in the air. “And, I know–– it was my idea. I was all, ‘let’s be healthy!’ But that was a stupid thing to say because I’d only been mortal again for a hot second when I came up with it. So why the hell would you listen to me to begin with? And now with all these greens and carbs and protein I’m just sitting around waiting for my next cookie or cake or brownie––”
“Carm.”
Carmilla takes a breath and realizes Laura’s smiling and giggling. And she’s holding something out for her. Part of a cookie.
“I think you need this more than I do,” Laura comments lightly. “Plus I think you’ve officially caught my tendency to ramble. It was a long time coming, Karnstein.”
Carmilla pouts at her but takes it regardless.
“And I have a confession, too,” Laura admits, getting up from the couch and heading to the bedroom. After a few seconds, she returns, with her own package of cookies in her hands.
“No…” Carmilla chuckles, shaking her head. “No. Way.”
Laura nods, giggling. “Yes, way. I’ve been getting them on my way home from work. And I eat sweets during my lunch break. And I just did more yoga and running to burn it off so you wouldn’t notice.”
Carmilla watches as Laura settles in on the couch again. “How long?”
“Pretty much the whole time,” Laura answers. “I think I actually got the shakes from sugar withdrawal after a few days.”
Carmilla laughs and nudges Laura. “Oh, come on! I lasted weeks!”
“And you were so bad at hiding it that I was convinced you were either ready to leave me or at the very least sick of me,” Laura grumbles.
Carmilla stares at Laura, all humor gone. “I would never do that, Laura. Either of them.” She gives her a wink. “You’re stuck with me.”
Laura smiles and presses a kiss to Carmilla’s lips. “You’re stuck with me, too.”
Carmilla grins and pauses as a thought occurs to her. “Damn, Hollis. You straight up dug through the garbage for the cookies?”
Laura rolls her eyes. “Look. I wasn’t able to buy anything for my secret stash when I came back, and I forgot I’d eaten all of the remaining right before I left. And then I woke up to you leaving and I was panicking, so… I was desperate.”
“Okay, okay. How about we continue with this vegetable and healthy eating thing, together. And then after getting some essential vitamins and whatever into our bodies… We stuff them full of sugar and butter and sweets? And continue burning those things off?” Carmilla suggests. “Best of both worlds?”
Laura beams at Carmilla and takes her hand, intertwining their fingers. “Sounds like a much better plan.”
She reaches over and grabs the crumpled cookie container and frowns. “It’s empty.”
Carmilla opens her new package and hands Laura one, smiling when Laura lets out a squeal.
“So, I’m thinking some quinoa and grilled salmon tomorrow for lunch,” Carmilla says as she bites into her own cookie.
Laura nods. “And then afterwards–– I saw a new bakery opened up a couple blocks away.”
Carmilla laughs and snuggles up against her. “Cheers to us starting a new diet.”
Laura points at a crumb on Carmilla’s lip and shakes her head when she starts to wipe it away. Instead, she leans in for a kiss and grins when it’s gone by the time she pulls away.
Laura holds up her cookie and Carmilla grins and taps her cookie against Laura’s before biting into it.
“I love you,” Laura says with her mouth full of cookie.
“More than you love sweets?” Carmilla jokes.
Laura pretends to think really hard and Carmilla frowns, making her laugh. “Yes, Carm. I love you more than I love sweets.”