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Jasper is nervous.
He's leaning on the wall outside Monty and Clarke's French classroom. He's a few minutes early, and the corridors are quiet, the only sound being the faint murmur of what Jasper assumes is a documentary coming from one of the classrooms.
He shuts his eyes, trying to steady his breathing. It's not like Monty is going to say no. They've been dating for over three months, and best friends for years before that. That's not what he's worried about.
He is worried that he's going to ruin the night, though.
Big crowds have never been his thing. Contrary to popular belief, he thrives off smaller groups. He's the most himself that he ever is when it's just Monty and him in their room, getting high and playing would you rather. When he's in busy places and he doesn't have an escape route, he panics.
He's spoken to Bellamy about it, and of course Monty knows, but he's yet to actually find a solution to the problem. He figures that maybe if he just sucks it up and goes for it, it might just go away. Ignoring big, underlying problems is his speciality.
He's interrupted from his thoughts by the sound of the bell, which is shortly followed by the loud yelling of students making their way to the mess hall for lunch. Monty and Clarke leave their classroom chatting animatedly, Monty smiling as he sees Jasper waiting for them.
"Jasper. Tell Clarke that Veronica should have ended up with Piz," Monty demands.
Jasper falls into step with them. "Sorry, Monty, I'm a Logan man at heart."
"Told you," Clarke smirks, before her eyes light up. "There's Bellamy. See you guys at the table."
She runs off, and Monty just shakes his head in amusement. "I've got a lot of money riding on them getting together in the next three weeks."
Normally, Jasper would respond with some sort of quip, but he's a little too shaken to do that right now. Monty, of course, knows Jasper better than he knows himself, and notices something is up.
"Jas, everything okay?"
“Totally,” he forces a bright smile. Monty still looks sceptical. “I was actually gonna ask you something. Can we not go to lunch straight away?”
“Sure,” Monty takes a sharp turn away from the mess hall and into the stairwell. “What’s up?”
Jasper takes a breath. His nerves are getting a bit silly now, and he just wants to do the normal thing of asking his boyfriend to a dance. Fuck it. “Do you want to be my date for the dance?”
Monty scrunches his nose up. Jasper would normally find that ridiculously cute, but today it makes his heart sink. “Jasper-”
“Don’t feel like I’m pressuring you into it,” he says hurriedly. “I just thought it would be fun.”
“You’re not!” Monty reaches forward and takes one of Jasper’s hands in his own. “I’d love to. But I didn’t think it would be your scene.”
Jasper hesitates, because of course Monty would know that. He lifts Monty’s hand to his mouth and kisses his fingers. “I’ll be fine,” he says earnestly. “What kind of lame boyfriend would I be if I didn’t take my date to the school dance?”
“Not lame at all,” Monty says, but Jasper can tell he’s keen to go. “Alright. Then I accept! I will be your date.” He gives Jasper’s hand a squeeze before he releases it. “But first, lunch. I’m starving, and I was promised the seat by the window today.” He bounces off back in the direction of the mess hall, Jasper trailing behind and feeling like he might have made an awful mistake.
He spots Bellamy in the lunch line and makes the executive decision to go and join him. He texts Monty on his way over.
Chat: monty
jasper: what do you want for lunch?
monty: dw love was gonna come get my own in a sec
jasper: i'll get it today!
jasper: tell me what u want loser
monty: wait it is student takeover day right?
jasper: ya
monty: soup would be great please!!
jasper: coming right up
He shoves his phone back in his pocket just as he reaches Bellamy, who smiles at him as he approaches. "Jas, hey."
Jasper immediately feels a lot calmer. Bellamy is, apart from Monty, the person he feels closest to, and the one who knows the most about him within their group. Just hearing his voice is comforting.
"I asked him," he blurts out. Smooth.
Bellamy frowns. "Jasper, we've talked-"
"I'll be fine, Bell, don't worry. Besides, he's totally excited, and I'm gonna look hot in a suit."
"Okay, but you come find me if you need out, yeah?" Bellamy shuffles forward as the line moves up. "Promise me."
"I will," Jasper assures him.
They grab their food from Murphy, who is - luckily - running the kitchen that day. He knows their usual orders, and so they're quickly paying and heading back to the table. Jasper takes his seat next to Monty, handing him the soup and immediately taking a bite of his sandwich.
"So, Jasper," Octavia smirks. "Monty was just filling us in. You guys gonna wear matching suits?"
Jasper nearly chokes on his sandwich. This damn dance is gonna follow him around everywhere. Bellamy seems to notice his discomfort, however, and swoops in like the faux-superhero he is to save the day.
"Of course they are, O, don't be silly," he grins. "Besides, before that, we've got more important things to worry about. Like passing this term's exams and actually making the dance happen."
Clarke nods in agreement. "Grades first, partying second."
"You guys are such parents," Octavia grumbles, taking a sip of her lemonade. "Live a little."
Bellamy and Clarke seem to pretend they didn't hear that comment, opting instead to start talking a mile a minute about plans for spring term fundraisers and assemblies. Jasper decides to stop listening when he hears them start planning ideas for extra sex ed classes. He's not sure wants to be involved in helping explain things like that to 13 year olds.
Instead, he turns to Monty and Miller, who are talking about something or other. Or at least, Monty is talking enthusiastically, and Miller is watching him with a fond smile on his face. He remembers when he used to think that those two were going to end up together. Now, Miller has Jackson, and Monty is his.
He can feel his nerves fading slightly as he joins in listening to the story, and he and Miller occasionally gently mimic Monty’s wild arm movements. Miller has obviously noticed that there’s something not quite right with him, because his eyes flicker over every now and again to check Jasper is still laughing at the jokes. Jasper is fine, really. He still feels a little bit unsettled, but it’s fading fast with the half-decent food and his friends, who are all in high spirits as the dance approaches. Even Murphy is grinning as Emori returns to the counter for her third helping that Jasper is fairly sure is just an excuse to flirt, because she had given Raven a bunch of her second helping, claiming she was full.
“Jasper!” Harper leans across the table, pushing her phone into his face. “Playlist suggestions?”
Harper has been in charge of the music, which means the playlist is almost entirely made up of weird undefinable music that sounds sort of like when Octavia had started a band in their first year.
“All Star,” he says, pushing her phone out of his face. “Or it’s not a party.”
Harper snorts, but adds it anyway. “We need more slow dance songs. Actually, we just need more dance songs.”
Lincoln joins in at this point, with a surprisingly extensive knowledge of ballroom. He watches a lot of dance contests, apparently. For once, Jasper doesn’t join in with the gentle ribbing, getting a little bit lost in his thoughts about exactly how he’s going to handle the night of the dance.
The rest of lunch is a bit of a blur, and when the bell goes for afternoon classes Jasper is really not in the mood to go to English. He says as much to Monty, who pulls him over to the side whilst everyone else heads out the mess hall.
"Are you sure you're okay?" he asks, brow furrowed. "You've seemed off all lunch. And you know how well I know you."
"I promise everything is good, I'm just a bit stressed," he forces a smile. "I might skip out on English."
"Good idea," Monty reaches up and brushes a strand of Jasper's hair out of his eyes. "This is getting ridiculous. You need a haircut."
"You love it when we're making out-"
"Not in the mess hall!" Monty hisses, and Jasper laughs. He feels a little better already.
"Fair enough."
"You want me to skip with you?"
"Nah. You should go. Pick up my work for me?"
Monty smiles. "Of course. Go rest. I'll text you later, okay?"
Jasper nods, leaning forward to kiss his boyfriend. The warm feeling that envelops him isn't something he's used to yet, but he loves it. He already feels better about the dance. Perhaps if Monty is with him, it won't be so bad: and besides, it's still a few days away. He has time to formulate a plan.
Monty pulls away, grabbing his bag off the floor and giving Jasper's arm a squeeze before he heads off to English. The mess hall is pretty empty now, just the few people who don't have class remaining. Jasper spots Murphy washing up in the kitchens, and sticks his tongue out as he walks past.
"Real mature, Jordan," Murphy rolls his eyes.
"You love me."
"Sure."
Jasper chuckles as he follows the crowd out of the mess hall, but instead of continuing on with them to the academic building, he enters the dorms, jumping up the stairs two at a time and heading to his room. Technically, the dorms are off limits during timetabled lesson periods, but Jasper has been ignoring the rules since he started at the school. He's not going to start following them now.
He thinks fondly back to when it was just Monty and him, before he'd met Bellamy in History and immediately latched onto him as another friend. They'd joined together, Jasper begging his parents to let him follow Monty to the school when Hannah Green decided it was the "best thing for her son". His parents, knowing their attachment to each other, weren't really in a position to say no, and so Jasper had ended up in the car next to Monty that first September, chatting animatedly to him about whether Luke or Leia was the better Skywalker.
He collapses down on his bed when he reaches it, burying his face into the pillow. It doesn't take long for sleep to come.
He's awoken by several knocks on the door of his room. Eyes blurry, he checks his phone.
"Fuck," he whispers. He's managed to sleep through both English and his final period of the day, which just so happened to be History with Kane. He needs to start learning how to set alarms. Rubbing his eye, he drags himself over to the door. Bellamy is hovering anxiously in the doorway. “Have you been here all afternoon? Jasper, we were worried about you!”
Jasper sighs guiltily. “Sorry. I told Monty I was gonna nap.”
“He thought you might be here,” Bellamy nods. “He’ll be back in a minute. Look, are you okay?”
Jasper groans. He’s only just woken up, he’s not ready for the dad talk. “I’m fine, Bell. It’s just standard Jasper nonsense, I promise.”
“It’s not nonsense. Jas, we all want you at the dance, but not if it’s gonna upset you.”
“It won’t,” he argues. “It’s just pre-dance nerves, I’ll be fine. I know all of you guys, and I’ll be with Monty. I’m getting better with crowds now anyway!”
Bellamy still looks reluctant to go anywhere, but the look on Jasper’s face must convince him that he’s doing more harm than good because he gives Jasper’s arm a squeeze and then heads back towards his room. Jasper closes his door and curls up on his bed, flicking through his phone.
Chat: octavia blake and the criminals
miller: where is our rebel boy jasper?? skipping history??
miller: we told kane you were ill
miller: he believed us bc it’s student takeover day and no one told him murphy was in the kitchen
octavia: thank god tbh i will never forget the food poisoning the year it was raven
murphy: i thought i was gonna fucking die
harper: it was a close shave tbh
raven: quoth the raven
raven: ‘fuck off’
bellamy: NICE
clarke: ok but where is jasper
monty: he’s sleeping i checked in on him before history
monty: didn’t have the heart to wake him up
murphy: shoulda sent me
Jasper sighs and closes the chat, flicking through random apps. After a few minutes, Monty arrives. He doesn’t say anything, just curls up with Jasper and lets him play with his hair. He loves Monty a little bit for that. There’s no energy in him for serious discussions right now, so he just lies there, looking at the ceiling and breathing in the smell of Monty’s shampoo.
"You sure you're okay?" Monty whispers.
"Yeah. You're here."
Jasper feels Monty curl closer into his side, and there's no need for words. Jasper thinks about when they used to do this when they were little, lying next to each other on Monty's bed, staring out the window and counting all the stars that they could see. Jasper always insisted he could see loads, even though most of ones he could make out were probably planes or satellites.
He's not sure how long they lie there. Monty radiates warmth, comfort, something Jasper didn't realise he craved until he thought about what it would be like to live without him by his side. He gets a little lost in it, content to ignore everything but Monty and their room.
Unfortunately, it can't last forever. There's a knock at the door for the second time that afternoon, and Monty untangles himself from Jasper and gets up to answer it.
It's Miller, and he sounds pissed. "We kinda need you guys at the meeting, so can you guys stop ignoring everyone but each other for an hour just so we can sort some shit out?"
Monty glances back at Jasper before ushering Miller out the doorway and closing the door behind him. Jasper hears the words 'overworked' and 'stressed' before Monty is back inside, coming to kneel beside the bed so his eyes are level with Jasper's.
"Miller's just in a mood because Jackson left to go home for the weekend this morning," Monty smiles a little. "I'm gonna go to the others. Do you want to come?"
"Yeah, I'll be right behind you. You go ahead," Jasper says, heaving himself up to lean against the headboard.
"Alright," Monty stands up, grabbing a cardigan from off the floor to wrap around himself. "Clarke's probably freaking out. It's not long until the dance and she's taken it upon herself to organise literally everything."
"Clarke's always doing that," Jasper mumbles. Monty appears not to have heard him, kissing him on the forehead before exiting the room to head to the academic block where they meet.
Jasper is really, really sick of talking about the dance, and though he knows Monty wouldn't care if he cancelled, he knows his boyfriend is excited. He also knows that his plan to try and convince himself everything will be fine isn't working so well.
He's expected at the meeting, though, and so he runs a hand through his unruly hair, putting on his goggles in an attempt to keep it out of his eyes. He remembers how cold the classrooms are and shoves on an overshirt in attempt to salvage some body heat. Once he's ready, he reluctantly leaves the dorm and heads down the stairs.
The group is unfortunately small enough that everyone had noticed Jasper and Monty’s disappearance. Miller looks a little apologetic as they shuffle in and gives Jasper a quiet nod. They take a desk at the front, and as they sit, Bellamy approaches. He says something quietly to Monty, and Monty nods and replies with a small smile. Bellamy ruffles his hair fondly as he slides his chair to be closer to Jasper.
“You doing okay?” His eyes are wide and sad.
“I’m fine. Nap did me good,” he says, and it’s true, he does feel better. Being babied by his friends certainly doesn’t hurt either.
Murphy taps his shoulder and gives him a piece of brownie. “You’re my taste tester,” he says by way of explanation. “Tell me if it’s bad.”
Jasper smiles and gives him a thumbs up because it’s delicious. He suspects it may not be pure coincidence that he was selected for this honourable job, because he can feel everyone’s eyes on him throughout the rest of the meeting. It sort of makes him want to put his goggles over his eyes.
As the meeting wraps up (they weren’t really needed there, he reckons Clarke demanded their presence so she could keep an eye on him) he hovers awkwardly at the desk as everyone chats. Harper keeps including him in the conversation, which he is partly grateful for, but also she clearly doesn’t know what’s got him in a weird mood, because they’re all talking about the dance. He’s feeling okay, so he joins in with the jokes about matching suits and dresses, and pokes fun at Lincoln’s giant jackets until they seem to have eased up a bit on Jasper Patrol. They’re an incredibly intense group when they’re worried and he would snap at them if he didn’t love them all to bits.
Raven throws an arm over his shoulder as they head back to the dormitories, squeezing his shoulder.
"So. It's Monty's birthday in a few weeks," she starts, but Jasper stops her before she can get any further.
"Present bought, birthday prank planned, all sorted," he smiles. Raven looks at him for a few seconds before she bursts into laughter.
"I forgot how freakishly connected you two are," she sighs, bumping her arm with Jasper's. "Well, if you decide to throw him a party, let me know. The guys from Physics will wanna come."
Jasper's heart sinks. He was planning a party, but it was just for their group, and he's not sure he could handle it if Raven started inviting other students from their year. Then again, it's not about him, it's about Monty.
"I've asked about booking the Dropship for the night, although we'd have to pool our money if people can afford it." Jasper says. "I was going to mention it at breakfast tomorrow."
"Oh, great!" Raven grins. "I'll ask around, I'm sure we can sort something out. Clarke, wait up!"
Jasper feels like he needs to sit down, preferably outside, but it's raining and they've just made it back to the dormitories and it would look weird if he went back outside now. Monty appears to have already headed upstairs, and he's the last one in the foyer.
He slides down against the wall, pulling his goggles down off his head to run his hands through his hair. He doesn't want to go up to the dormitories where the corridors will likely be loud for another good few hours. He needs to be somewhere quiet, and he's not entirely sure where he's going to get that until he remembers a meeting he had with Kane back at the beginning of the year.
He heads to the teacher's section. Once he gets there, he looks down the list for the number of Kane's room. 205. He finds it, knocks on the door twice, and tries to steady the shaking in his hands.
"Yes?"
"It's - um, it's Jasper."
When Kane opens the door, he's got a toothbrush in his mouth and he looks concerned.
"Wait a sec," he says, heading into what Jasper assumes is the bathroom. He comes back out a few seconds later, reappearing in the doorway and smiling kindly.
"What can I do for you, Jasper?"
"Um, when my mom and I came to see you at the beginning of the year, you said-"
"Has something happened?" Kane is quick to reach forward and take Jasper's arm. "You're shaking."
"No, nothing has happened, I just need to be alone, if-if that's okay?"
Kane's expression is unreadable, but he nods and goes to retrieve his phone. "Abby - sorry, Doctor Griffin - is sticking around tonight. She's in the medical centre if you want to stay there. Have you let your boyfriend know?"
Jasper's eyes widen. Kane laughs a little.
"If you were trying to keep it quiet, try harder and don't kiss in the mess hall when I'm getting my morning coffee," he says, coming out into the hall and shutting the door behind him. "Come on, I'll walk you. If you haven't told Monty, let him know."
Jasper reaches into his pocket and grabs his phone.
Chat: monty
monty: jas, where are you???
monty: jasper
monty: bellamy doesn't know where you are
jasper: im okay, sorry
monty: okay okay good
monty: are you coming to bed?
jasper: im going to stay in the med centre tonight. i'm a bit too anxious for the dorms
monty: do you want me to come and join you?
jasper: dont make the effort just for me, i'll be fine
monty: jasper. if you want me to, i'll come and join you
jasper: i'd like that
monty: ok. there in a few. do you want me to bring pyjamas and stuff
jasper: oh shit i totally forgot about that
jasper: yes please
monty: you're such a goof. okay, see you in a min
Monty, true to his word, shows up at the medical centre fifteen minutes later in his pyjamas with the little umbrellas on and two rucksacks. Dr Griffin lets him in, and Jasper hears them exchange a few quiet words before Monty pads in and hands him one of the rucksacks.
“I’m sorry,” he says softly, even though none of this is his fault. Jasper, curled up on one of the beds, just smiles at him. He’s not entirely feeling like close contact now, and Monty must be able to tell that because he settles down on the other bed without any hesitation.
“Sorry,” Jasper says, wriggling into his pyjamas. “I know you like cuddles.”
Monty grins. “Well, it’d be a bit awkward if Dr Griffin came in here anyway.” His eyes brighten when Jasper laughs. “I’m not gonna make you talk about anything right now, but tomorrow, we should maybe figure some stuff out.”
Jasper nods sleepily. Being in here makes him feel much better. It’s quiet and cool, and he can’t hear anyone except himself and Monty. He’ll work on what to say to Monty in the morning, but for now, he rolls onto his back to stare at the ceiling.
“Tell me a story,” he whispers into the dark.
“You know all of my stories,” Monty whispers back. “You’re in them.”
“My memory is crappy. You remember being a toddler and falling off the monkey bars. Tell me something old.”
“Hmm,” Monty replies. “Well, do you remember when we were four and we wanted to be stuntmen?”
“No,” Jasper laughs. “I have no memory of wanting to be a stuntman.”
“It didn’t last. We climbed up that tree in your garden whilst your mom had a nap,” Monty’s recollection is a bit creepy sometimes, but Jasper is glad for it. “We were gonna try and swing into the paddling pool, I think.”
“Did it work?”
“No. You made me go first!” Monty laughs, and Jasper smiles into the darkness. “I missed the pool and grazed my knees on the patio. You cried more than I did!” Jasper snorts. “Anyway, your mom woke up and came outside to see what all the fuss was about. You kept begging her to kiss it better, and she told you to try it yourself.”
“My mom knew what was up.”
“Definitely. I stopped crying like, straight away.”
Jasper closes his eyes, starting to feel completely exhausted. “Thank you,” he says softly.
Monty’s gentle laugh is the last thing he hears before he drifts off into sleep.
When he wakes in the morning, Nurse Griffin is sitting over at one of the counters, sorting what appears to be various boxes of medicine as quietly as she can. She gives him a smile when she sees him awake.
"Morning," she says. "Monty left to go and get you guys some breakfast, but he said he wouldn't be long."
Jasper nods, sitting up so he can talk to her like a civilised human being.
"How are you feeling?" she asks kindly.
"Better, thanks," he replies, pulling the blanket up to just under his chin. He's not lying when he says that. The night out of the dormitories did him some good, and he's about ready to head back and spend all of Saturday antagonising Bellamy and Murphy.
Monty comes back in just as he's considering whether to get out of bed or not, carrying a mug of what Jasper assumes is tea, as well as a couple of pieces of toast. He immediately makes grabby hands at the mug.
"God, you and Harper are so alike," Monty chuckles, bringing the tea and toast over. Jasper hums contentedly and leans back into the bed, ignoring the quiet laugh that comes from Nurse Griffin's side of the room.
Monty perches on the end of the bed. "Better this morning?"
"Peachy," he says, swallowing a bite of toast. "I'm sorta feeling like a prank is in order."
"I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that and give you two some privacy," Nurse Griffin says, winking as she goes into the office and shuts the door behind her.
"Smooth," Monty grins. "And I agree."
"Cool, so I was thinking-"
"Jas, we should talk about last night first."
Jasper sighs but nods. They really do have to talk about it. Monty is sitting cross-legged on the bed opposite him, waiting for him to start talking. “I know you really want to go the dance,” Jasper says. “You were so excited.”
“Well. Yeah,” Monty admits. “But I was excited to go with you, Jas. You’re like 75% of the fun!”
“Only 75%?” Jasper raises an eyebrow.
Monty grins. “I have it on good authority Sammy is going.”
“We’ll go see Sammy then! It’ll be fun!” Jasper is aware that he’s starting to sound illogical.
“I can see Sammy anytime. I don’t want to go if it’s gonna make you sad! Dancing is like...number 11 on my favourite things list. Number 1 is Jasper. So we don’t have to go.”
He laughs. “Sure, Monty. But I want to try.”
Monty frowns, wrapping his cardigan around himself. “God, you’re stubborn. But, okay. We shall go to the ball!” He raises his arms in a mock dance pose. “You have to tell me if you want to leave.”
“You will be the first to know,” Jasper promises. “Also, how much do you like the guys in your physics class?”
Monty frowns. “Other than Raven? They’re alright, I guess. Not the kind of guys I’d party with.”
Jasper grins. “Cool.”
“Why?”
“No reason,” Jasper says idly, hoping Monty doesn’t have one of his freaky mind-reading moment and hear the thousand different party ideas running through his brain.
"Alright." Monty's confusion is, Jasper notes, super cute.
"Do you wanna go join everyone in the mess hall?" he says, having finished his toast.
Monty nods, standing up. Jasper heaves himself of the bed, pulling the blanket off to wrap around him as a makeshift jumper. People walk around the school in pyjamas all the time, he thinks. It's no big deal.
When he looks to Monty, he has a soft smile on his face. He grins back.
"Ready," he says. Monty takes a couple of steps towards him, cupping his face in his hands and kissing him gently.
"You're the best thing that's ever happened to me," he whispers against Jasper's mouth. "I want you to be okay. Always."
Jasper is quick to let the blanket fall as he pulls Monty as close as he possible can, burying his face in his neck and clinging to him tightly. They stay like that for what feels like hours until Jasper speaks.
"I love you," he whispers, so quiet he doubts Monty actually hears it.
That doubt, however, ceases when he hears the quiet 'I love you, too' that Monty mumbles into his hair.
A few moments later, they're heading out of the medical centre (only because it's socially unacceptable to make out there, which Jasper grumbles about) and down the corridor towards the mess hall.
When they come in, Bellamy's the first one up, and his protective streak is clear to everyone from the tight hug he immediately pulls Jasper into. He squeaks in surprise at the force of it.
“Hi, Bellamy,” he quips, voice muffled by the taller boy's shoulder. “Missed you too.”
“You okay?” Bellamy pulls back, hands on Jasper’s shoulders, searching his face. “We’ve been worried.”
“I’m okay,” he replies, awkwardly detaching himself. The others, who don’t really know the extent of Jasper’s anxiety, watch him curiously.
“I’m sorry for being awful yesterday. That was...not cool.” Miller looks uncomfortable.
Jasper waves a hand. “It’s fine, really. But find your chill, man!” Miller rolls his eyes fondly and pats Jasper’s arm.
The others shower him with affection whilst he sits around awkwardly enjoying it. He can tell they want to know what actually happened last night, but he’s not about to go making announcements so he pulls his blanket around his shoulders and just lets them all chat over each other. No one’s eating anymore, and the chefs clearly want to shoo them out, but the group is too big to control. Whilst Bellamy and Murphy start an argument about something or other, Jasper checks his phone.
Chat: soft ukulele strumming
jasper: hello babies
maya: :) :) :)
luna: heard your friends talking abt you?? you ok??
jasper: have you been listening in
luna: octavia has a voice like a foghorn
jasper: yeah that’s fair
jasper: anyway i’m FINE
jasper: it was the ol’ anxiety again so i slept in the med bay with monty
maya: aw no :( come sit in the gardens with me nothing is growing yet but it’s nice!
luna: are you feeling better? what are you going to do?
jasper: punch it in the face
luna: violence is not the answer
luna: also anxiety has no face
maya: it could
jasper: in my mind it looks like pike
luna: true both make me very anxious
jasper: this is where i leave you before bellamy flips the table
jasper: see you in the garden :)
Jasper puts his phone down to make a face at Monroe across the table as Bellamy says something incoherent about the moon landing being real in a voice that suggests he’s not entirely joking anymore. Clarke is looking at him and laughing in an entirely non-platonic way.
He shakes his head in amusement, turning to Monty.
"I'm going to hang out in the gardens with Maya and Luna for a bit," he says. "You wanna come?"
"It's alright," Monty responds, smiling. "You go. I'll come find you in a bit?"
Jasper nods, kissing Monty on the cheek before getting up to leave.
"I will see you later, my children," he says dramatically. The others wave him goodbye, Murphy blowing him a kiss. They trust him, and they trust Monty, so if he says he's better then they're content not to pry.
He wraps the blanket closer around himself as he heads out of the doors of the hall and into the gardens. Granted, he should probably be wearing proper clothes and shoes, but his slippers are very comfortable, and the three jumpers he's wearing over his pyjamas probably make up for his lack of a coat.
He spots Maya on the bench by what is usually the rose beds. "Hello, my fairy friend."
"Jas!" Maya's eyes crinkle as she smiles, and she pats the bench next to her. "Come sit."
"Where's Luna?" he asks, making himself as comfortable as he possibly can. The breeze, though gentle, is blowing his hair all over the place, and he wishes he'd brought his goggles out with him. He can't really be bothered to go back into the cafe to get them, though.
"She's just finishing some homework or something," Maya replies, picking at a loose thread on her jumper. "She'll be down in a sec."
"I've missed you both. It's been ages."
"We don't have any classes together, doofus, that's why," Maya laughs gently. "You should have taken art with me."
"Uh, Maya. My dear friend, Maya. Have you ever seen me attempt to draw? It looks like something a five year old might create. A really dumb five year old."
"Jasper," Maya chides, but she's smiling widely. "Anyway. How's Monty?"
"He's good. We're good," Jasper says. He's not sure he quite has the words for exactly how well Monty's hand fits in his, or how easy it is to fall into bed next to him every night, but he's sure Maya understands.
"What are you two gossiping about?" Luna's voice carries, and Jasper turns around to see her walking towards them, hair wild as usual.
"Luna! Light of my life," he grins. She takes a seat on the other side of the bench next to him. "How are you?"
"We spoke on the group chat about ten minutes ago," she glances at him. "But good. Thank you."
They lapse into silence for a little while, content to just enjoy the morning and each other's company. Jasper loves that about Maya and Luna. It's a type of solidarity that he rarely finds in his regular group. He loves his best friends, of course he does, but there's always someone talking a mile a minute.
Monty approaches them a few minutes later, and he's so quiet that Jasper doesn't even hear him until he's next to them.
"Sorry to intrude," he says quietly. "You forgot your goggles, Jas."
"Thank you, dear," Jasper pats his lap. "Sit down, then."
"Seriously?" Monty raises an eyebrow. Maya's laugh is immediate, and Luna is quick to join in.
"You two are ridiculous," she says, running a hand through her hair.
“I’ll take it,” Monty balances himself on Jasper’s knees. “Anyway, I can’t righteously storm away because Murphy’s about to start a food fight and I don’t want Kane to make me help clear up.”
“Is this about the moon landing?” Luna sighs.
“Wait, you weren’t there!” Jasper frowns.
“They’ve been arguing for hours. I was in there at 8am.” Luna deadpans.
“I could hear them talking about it in the corridor last night before I came to find you,” Monty shakes his head. “Bellamy’s very patriotic for someone the President of the United States has blocked on Twitter.”
“Goodness,” Maya says serenely. “How do you keep up?”
“We don’t!” Jasper secures his goggles over his head. “I have no idea what’s going on most of the time.”
“Are you coming back to the dorms tonight?” Monty turns to look at him.
“Yeah, I’m good. Unless you want to stay in the med bay for some weird reason?”
“Nah. Just reminds me of all the times I’ve been hideously ill.”
“We’ve all been there,” Maya sighs. “Luna and I bonded over severe burns.” Luna smiles at that, twirling a pencil in her fingers. “We’re not great at chemistry.”
“Never would’ve guessed,” Jasper shakes his head as his phone starts going crazy.
Chat: octavia blake and the criminals
bellamy: if any of you assholes want to come back and help clear up the mess that would be nice
bellamy: jasper you are excused from this
jasper: real subtle bell
octavia: sorry bellamy i would help but i really don’t want to
murphy: you brought this upon yourself
lincoln: i am on my way
octavia: LINCOLN NO
raven: ugh he’s so nice
monty: this had nothing to do with me
harper: same
monroe: same
murphy: can’t relate
bellamy: all of you are the worst except jasper monty and clarke
clarke: :)
bellamy: she’s helping me
raven: great you guys got this i’m taking a nap
The rest of Saturday passes by in a similar fashion, and Sunday is spent lazing around the dorms with Maya and Monty. He learns how to braid hair - he's not very good at it - and drinks probably more hot chocolate than is healthy, but he has a good day.
Bellamy comes in around nine and throws himself on Jasper's bed where Maya is sitting crossed legged, knitting.
"You know Murphy knits?" he says, in way of greeting. "I learnt this yesterday. It was disconcerting."
"There's something charming about a man who can use knitting needles both to make you a hat and to stab your eyes out," Monty says from where he and Jasper are curled up on his bed.
"I'm concerned. Also, don't ever tell Murphy that," Jasper runs a hand through his hair. "It'll fuel his ego."
Maya grins. "Hi, Bell."
"Sorry, hey. How are you?" he takes off his glasses, rubbing his eyes. "I just got done with a big essay and now I feel like sleep forever is needed."
"So you're here to bug us?" Jasper raises an eyebrow.
Bellamy scoffs. "Like you never bugging me."
"Why don't you go bother Clarke?" Maya says, and Jasper can see the sly look in her eyes.
"My padawan, I have taught you well," he says. Monty snorts.
"I have the right to remain silent. Anything I say can be used against me in a court of law," Bellamy's face is grim.
"I'm not sure that's how that works, but okay." Monty reaches over to grab his mug off the bedside table, taking a sip.
"She's busy, anyway. The dance is on Friday and she's stressed."
"It's Clarke, she's always stressed," Jasper mutters. Monty elbows him in the side.
Bellamy laughs a little. "True, but she wants it to be a good night, and I think she'll feel personally responsible if someone isn't having fun."
"I'm looking forward to it!" Maya looks up from her knitting. "I think Luna and I are gonna coordinate."
"It's gonna be a good night, whatever happens," Bellamy agrees. "We're all gonna be there, and Murphy wasn't allowed access to the playlist, so."
"I heard he bought a suit for Sammy," Monty says.
"He did, and I'm vaguely worried about how important that fucking skeleton is to him."
“Too important,” Jasper says. “He’s checked it's wearing a seatbelt every time we go anywhere. He never checks if I’m wearing a seatbelt!”
“Murphy’s regard for human life has some alarming logic gaps,” Bellamy agrees. “He’s out there for himself, Emori, and a plastic skeleton. The rest of us just have to cross our fingers.”
“We’ll be fine,” Monty joins in. “He’s right to be keeping an eye on Emori though, I’ve seen her dry her shirt off by holding matches near it.”
“Is that how she keeps getting those scorch marks on her clothes?” Maya asks. “I was wondering what that was about.”
Jasper laughs. “No one let Clarke hear about that. She’s already organising the dance, she might die on the spot.”
Bellamy’s smile at that is very fond. If he doesn’t realise it, Maya, Monty, and Jasper all do. He mentally adds that to his list of times Bellamy has failed to hide his intense crush on Clarke to send to Miller when Bellamy is out of hitting range. Although he does have the sympathy card to play, so he supposes he could risk sending it now. Whilst he weighs it up, he’s distracted by the idle chatter of his friends. Bellamy and Maya barely know each other, but he makes a note to invite her along more often, because they’re getting along like a house on fire talking about what might be a historical event or possibly a book. Jasper doesn’t understand, and from the look on Monty’s face, he doesn’t either. It’s nice to know his friends get along, although he has a feeling he can’t quite shake or fully justify that Luna might not fit in as well. She has just a little bit too much self-control to fully throw herself into whatever ‘octavia blake and the criminals’ are doing, even if he sometimes catches her watching them across the mess hall with a slightly amused smile on her face.
Bellamy leaves a half hour later, having bugged Maya about her favourite historical topics and books for probably far too long.
"Sorry about Bellamy," Monty sighs, tracing patterns on Jasper's hand with his thumb. "He's... passionate."
"Oh, no, it was nice!" Maya says. "He's cool. I see what you mean about Clarke, though."
"Oh yeah?" Jasper raises an eyebrow. "You want in on the bet?"
"Oh, Jordan, you know I do," she winks, gathering up her knitting.
"Name your time frame and your price," he shoots back.
He hears Monty mutter something about them being ridiculous human beings, but he's too busy competitively staring Maya down to listen.
"I'll text you," she says, after a moment, grinning widely and flouncing at the door.
"I bet you she'll win," Monty teases.
"O, ye of little faith," Jasper's quick to respond. The wicked grin on his face makes Monty narrow his eyes.
"I know you," he says. "What are you planning?"
"You'll see in precisely four weeks time." Jasper gets up to turn off the light. "But I have a class at 9, so for now, we sleep."
The week passes by in a flurry of last minute essays, crumpled homework and a test which Jasper, for once, is pretty sure he aced.
"Take that, Pike," he says proudly as he sits down beside his friends at lunch on Friday. "Nailed it."
"Pike is a harsh marker," Bellamy warns.
"Yeah, but I did the best I could, so whatever." Jasper reaches over to steal a bit of Monty's pasta. "I could answer everything."
"That's the attitude," Monty smiles. It's immediately replaced by a frown as Jasper attempts to steal another forkful. "Get your own food!"
“Never,” he laughs, as Monty swats his hand away. “The portion sizes here are tragic.”
There are now hours left before the dance, and if Clarke hadn’t been imploding before, she is now. She’s barely replying to them, instead hunched over her laptop looking at tickets sales and playlists and things that look way too complicated for a school dance. She keeps missing her mouth with her fork, and there’s a smudge of tomato sauce near her lip that Jasper is slightly afraid to tell her about, though he is also holding out some hope that Bellamy will dramatically wipe it off with his thumb. He’d engineer for it to happen himself if it wouldn’t make Lincoln dangerously close to winning the bet. They need to hold out for another few weeks yet.
Now that he’s bought a ticket and a suit, Bellamy and Monty seem to be easing up with telling him he doesn’t have to go to the dance. He has to admit, he’s excited. With all the work that’s gone into this, he’s certain it’s going to be epic. Even if it wasn’t, he’d be quite happy to breakdance in an abandoned garage if his friends would be there. He might not be so keen on the presence of some of the others, but he’ll make do.
It’ll be fine.
If all else fails, Jasper will be glad for it to be out of the way. Clarke’s going mad with the stress of it all, and the tension in the group has been growing. Harper has talked of little else but the dance, and Octavia’s agonising over her dress has taken up most of their group chat. He loves them to pieces, but he can’t wait for the conversation topics to go back to whatever the hell kept them up til 3am debating before.
Apart from the obsession with the dance, it's a regular Friday afternoon for most of them. They finish with History, which makes it a lot more bearable. He does a debate lesson with them because he knows the dance has them all excited anyway, and so they spend the hour watching Bellamy and Murphy yell at each other. The debate reaches its peak when Bellamy starts trying to explain Murphy's historical inaccuracies using classroom equipment (a stapler almost hits Raven between the eyes). Eventually, Kane gets sick of them all, and lets them go ten minutes early.
"I'm headed up to the dormitories. Coming?" Jasper says to Monty as they leave, throwing the strap of his messenger bag over his shoulder.
"I said I'd help Harper get ready, and besides, it's bad luck to see me before the dance," Monty winks. "I'll meet you by the hall at 7. Don't be late, hot stuff."
Jasper is pretty sure that rule only applies to marriage, but before he can say anything, Harper has pulled Monty away, both of them giggling about something or other.
He feels a little lost for a minute until he realises he should probably go get ready. He still has a few hours, though, and he needs to eat dinner, so he considers heading to the Dropship. It's a shame the mess hall is closed for the dance: they serve pizza on Fridays and it's one of the things that helps him get through the school week.
Before he can decide, The Terrible Three, as Raven fondly refers to them, exit the classroom.
"Jasper!" Miller grins. "Where's your other half?"
"Getting ready. I'm not allowed to see him before the dance, apparently."
"Isn't that just marriage?" Bellamy raises an eyebrow.
"That's what I thought," Jasper grumbles. "Anyway, he's with Harper."
"Want to come hang in our room for a bit?" Jasper thinks he sees a glimmer of worry in Murphy's eyes, but he could just be imagining things.
"Do you have food?"
"We were gonna order pizza to reception," Miller says, taking out his phone.
"Miller, a man after my own heart. God bless you."
Miller takes pizza orders and disappears into reception as Jasper follows Bellamy and Murphy up the stairs. A corner of their room is oddly blank as Sammy is in the bathroom, apparently holding the same school dance belief system as Monty. He kicks back on Miller’s bed, staring at the ceiling. He can practically hear Bellamy and Murphy looking at each other, deciding what to say.
“You’re not gonna have a meltdown, are you?” Ah, Murphy. Jasper is glad for his bluntness cutting through the awkwardness, and even more glad for the slight hint of genuine concern in his voice.
“Murphy!” Bellamy hisses, apparently under the impression that Jasper is quite deaf.
“It’s fine. I promise you, I will do my best not to have a meltdown.” Jasper turns his head to look at Bellamy and Murphy. “Last week was an outlier and should not have been counted.”
“Bellamy couldn’t sleep,” Murphy supplies, followed by a string of outrageous swearing as Bellamy hits him with a pillow and calls him a rat. Jasper provides running commentary on the fight until Miller returns 20 minutes later with pizzas.
“I feel bad only getting enough for us four,” Miller tells them, gently kicking Jasper off his bed. “Octavia just fucking ran at me in the hallway, I’m not going out there again until one of you calls her off.”
Jasper takes a slice of pizza. “One day, we all must face Octavia,” he replies gravely. “It’s an inevitable fact of life.”
This is only partly a joke. Octavia is both one of the best people he knows, and the most terrifying. He can only hope that nothing at the dance tonight fuels her rage, because Clarke is now the second most terrifying person he knows, and it’s a face-off that would be both epic and possibly end in tragedy.
The pizza disappears within minutes, and the rest of the time before the dance is mostly filled with loud renditions of cheesy hits. Murphy and Bellamy do a, quite frankly, incredible cover of Dancing in the Moonlight, and there is definitely some damage done to their vocal chords when Bohemian Rhapsody comes on.
Two hours later, they're suited up, and Murphy has locked himself in the bathroom with Sammy.
"I'll be one minute! Slow your roll, Blake. Jesus."
"This is ridiculous," Bellamy mutters. "I'll slow his roll."
"I don't think that was as menacing as you intended it to be," Jasper says, pulling at his tie.
"I can't believe he's taking the fucking skeleton to the dance," Miller mutters.
One minute turns into two, which turns into three, and it's another five minutes before Murphy is out the door, Sammy in tow. He's put a suit on the skeleton as best he can, Bellamy's pan pride flag tied around the neck like a cape. It's ridiculous, but it works, and the four - five? - of them move to head downstairs.
They bump into Lincoln and Octavia on the staircase, who look like they belong in some sort of fairy tale. Bellamy insists he's not tearing up at the sight of his sister all dressed up, but Jasper sees him wipe away a tear when he turns away.
He trails behind them once they reach the doors to the hall, craning his head to look for the one person he really, really wants to see.
"Looking for someone?"
It's cliche, it's nerdy, but it's wonderful. Jasper turns around, and, like he's in some stupid teen romantic comedy, he's a little bit blown away by how good Monty looks. He even does the little 'wow' under his breath that has them both laughing at the ridiculousness of it all.
Once he manages to look away from Monty, he sees Monroe and Harper a few feet away, grinning smugly. He winks at them and they laugh, heading into the hall. After they're gone, he focuses his gaze back on his boyfriend.
"Ready?" he says.
"You're wearing your goggles," Monty breathes, reaching up to tug at them. Jasper smiles.
"Yeah," he says quietly. "Got them with you, remember?"
Jasper can’t quite remember through the haze in his brain who was responsible for decorating the hall, but he makes it his mission to find out and congratulate them. He barely recognises it as the same room at first. Gently pushing away a flag that gets tangled in his goggles, he stands and stares around. There aren’t many people there yet, which is a blessing. He suspects Clarke may have told their group to come a little earlier.
If he needed any proof, Clarke is sat by the speakers in the corner of the room watching them like hawks. Bellamy heads over to talk to her straight away and she is momentarily distracted.
“They better slow dance tonight,” Monroe shakes their head. “I need it.”
Jasper nods with a small smile. People are starting to arrive now, cheering as they come through the doors.
Blinking hard as he turns his back to them, he grins at Monty. “I think I promised you a dance?”
Monty holds out his hands, but before Jasper can take them, a bunch of guys from his physics class fly by, patting him on the back and chatting. Jasper shrinks back a little, as Monty, who is sometimes too polite for his own good, exchanges comments with a few of them. Across the room, Emori, in a dark blue dress that will probably kill Murphy, gives him a sympathetic shrug across the room before she’s distracted by something. Most of the guys Monty had been talking to have moved on to talk to Raven now, but she seems to be mostly ignoring them to talk to a girl called Echo.
Everyone is in their element here, chatting and dancing. Jasper feels like he should probably start a conversation, but he doesn’t want to interrupt anyone and he seems to be the only one standing by himself. As the music kicks up a notch, he starts to think Bellamy and Monty may have had the right idea.
He's on the verge of leaving again when he realises what the song is.
"Oh my god," he murmurs, grinning. Before he can take two steps, Bellamy, Clarke, Murphy, Raven and Octavia have made a circle around him.
"Bisexual anthem!" Octavia pretty much screams as *NSYNC start singing.
"You know, I'm not sure this was what they intended when they wrote this," Murphy says dryly, but he's smiling. He grabs Jasper's hand and pulls him into the circle between him and Bellamy.
The dancing gets increasingly ridiculous as the song progresses, and he's able to forget his worries in favour of laughing at the Blake siblings doing what they call their 'bi/pan dance'. He and Raven also perform a routine they created in first year that he decides had definitely not lasted the test of time,
The song ends and they cheer. Octavia, much to Murphy's chagrin, pulls them all into a group hug.
"My bisexual and pansexual kids," she says fondly into Jasper's shoulder.
As another song Jasper doesn't recognise comes on, the group disperses a little, although they all stay on the dance floor. He immediately begins to search for Monty, spotting him by the table of sodas. He's chatting animatedly to Miller and Jackson about something or other.
When he reaches them, Monty grins at him brightly. "Hey," he says. "Nice dancing."
"Thanks. Could never resist the bisexual anthem," he replies. Jackson and Miller look at each other, amusement evident in their faces.
He lets his mind wander as the Monty starts the conversation up again. He watches his friends, who are dotted around the room. The hall is getting busier now, a steady flow of people joining the dance floor. He tries not to let it bother him, but he can tell it's not really working because he can feel his hands shaking.
He's distracted momentarily when he looks over at the photo area. Murphy appears to be posing with Sammy in what he assumes is the 'traditional prom pose'. Emori, much to Jasper's amusement, is dabbing behind them. It's very them, and he gives Murphy a thumbs up when they make eye contact across the room.
After that, there's not that much else for his mind to do except look for exits. When he can't find one, the shaking seems to get worse, until he feels a gentle hand on his shoulder.
"Want to get out of here?" Monty says quietly. When he receives a frantic nod in reply, he's quick to firmly guide Jasper to the doors.
Monty seems to get them out quickly enough for no one to notice. The second they’re out of the doors, Jasper gasps in the cold air. Monty looks at him sympathetically as he clasps his hands to try and stop the shaking. “You’re okay,” he says softly. “I’m with you.”
Jasper nods. “I can’t go back in,” he whispers. “Sorry.”
Monty’s expression doesn’t change, and Jasper thinks he might have prepared for this. He holds out his arm, and Jasper links them, following him up the stairs.
“Too much?” Monty asks, and Jasper waits for an ‘I told you so’ that doesn’t come. When it’s clear that Monty isn’t going to rub this in his face, he just replies “Yeah”.
Back in their room, Jasper lies down on his bed whilst Monty grabs a bottle of water and clatters about doing something Jasper can’t see. Then he feels the air moving as Monty sits down on the floor by his bed, handing him the water bottle.
“I don’t wanna suffocate you,” he says, by way of explanation. “Also it would be like cuddling a toothbrush.”
Jasper laughs a bit at that. He hasn’t been worked up all day, and he’s out of the hall now, so the shaking is easing up faster than it has recently. He lets his hand drop off the side of the bed and Monty rests his cheek against it.
“Maybe let Bellamy know we’re up here?” Jasper says. “I don’t want him to freak out again.”
Monty nods and sends a short text to Bellamy on their private chat. “So dramatic,” he sighs. His phone beeps, and he checks it, laughing. “He says he’ll drop by later. I already told him not to leave the dance.”
Jasper rolls his eyes fondly. He still doesn’t feel quite right, and he doesn’t think he could stand up right now, but he’s going to be okay. His friends have his back no matter what.
They stay like that for what feels like hours, Jasper taking slow sips of water every so often. Eventually, he feels a lot calmer, and he sits up a bit, smiling at Monty.
"Thank you," he whispers. "I'm sorry to drag you away."
"Don't be," Monty replies. "I wanted to go because I would be with you, not because of the dance itself. You know that."
Jasper fiddles with the cap of his bottle. "We never did get that dance."
"Well, who says we need to actually be downstairs?" Monty's smile is mischievous as he gets up and reaches out his hand.
Jasper takes it, getting to his feet shakily. Monty steadies him, moving them both into the centre of the room. He then reaches across to the speakers on the window sill, plugging in his phone and opening his music.
When the voice of Elvis starts playing, filling the room, Jasper shakes his head fondly.
"You're such a sap. Could you have picked anything cheesier?" he murmurs, but wraps his arms around Monty.
"You love it," he teases. "You're all about the cheese."
"That I am."
They sway softly, Jasper grinning at the ridiculousness of it all. Monty starts to sing along after a while, and whilst he definitely sounds like a howling cat, Jasper thinks its perfect.
He's so wrapped up in Monty he doesn't see Bellamy poke his head in the door to check on them. He definitely doesn't hear the soft laugh that escapes their friend, or the notification from his phone.
Chat: bellamy
bellamy: i didnt know monty liked elvis
When he checks it later, Monty curled up by his side, he laughs gently at the message.
"Who is it?" Monty asks.
"Just Bell," he replies. "I'll text him in the morning. Sleep now."
"Your wish is my command," Monty says, yawning.
*NSYNC may hold a special place in Jasper's heart, but he thinks Elvis might hold the top spot.