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Yuuri squinted at the clock on Viktor's nightstand. Just past two in the morning, and here Yuuri was, wide awake in Viktor's toasty-warm bed, wrapped up in Viktor's strong arms, and more than halfway to a panic attack.
He closed his eyes. He'd given up trying to sleep an hour ago, but at this point, there was nothing he wouldn't do to get his head to stop churning with the ever-lingering fear that Viktor was going to wake up and find out.
Katsuki Yuuri, Grand Prix silver medalist and a sorry example of a human being, was seventy percent sure sure that sleeping with Viktor Nikiforov had turned him into a sex maniac.
It wasn't that Yuuri had been a virgin before he met Viktor… well, okay, yes, technically he had been a virgin, but it wasn't like he didn't know things, or had even tried a few things… But that didn't matter, because after they started sleeping together, Viktor had very gleefully and thoroughly taken Yuuri's virginity in every way possible.
And that was the problem. With every night Yuuri spent in Viktor's bed, Yuuri needed Viktor more. Viktor knew how to kiss him, how to touch and caress him until every cell in Yuuri's body was singing with pleasure, how to whisper sweet words of love in Yuuri's ear until Yuuri came apart in Viktor's embrace.
During the day, at skating practice or on any of the many tasks that fell to them daily, first in Hasetsu and then later after they moved to St. Petersburg, they touched and exchanged endearments often (too often, according to Yurio). But once they were home, with Makkachin walked and fed and the dinner dishes done, Yuuri fell into Viktor's bed and wouldn't come up for air until both he and Viktor were completely satiated.
Oftentimes, they'd go back down for another round. Or two. Or, one memorable evening when it was snowing outside, three more times.
Lately, after Nationals and in the run-up to the European Championships, Viktor had been making jokes about how Yakov would be annoyed with Viktor for all his 'extra' cardio training. Two days before, Viktor had suggested raw oysters for dinner, telling Yuuri that he had to be sure to keep his strength up. And that night at dinner, Viktor had been ravenous, wondering out loud if increasing his protein intake would help his stamina.
Yuuri replayed the night's pre-bed conversation in his head, wondering if Viktor was trying to hint to Yuuri that the sex was too much. Was it? Was having sex every night a normal thing? A lot of the magazines and websites that Yuuri had read over the years (porn and not porn) had made it seem like that's what men wanted, sex all the time.
But lately, Viktor seemed tired, although he usually perked right back up when Yuuri as entered the room.
But… Yuuri took a deep breath. What if Yuuri was… abnormal? What if it wasn't normal to have sex every night, or especially twice or three times a night? What if Viktor was just humouring Yuuri? What would happen when Viktor got tired of Yuuri's insatiable appetites?
This was all that stupid website's fault, Yuuri thought miserably as he burrowed down beside Viktor. Normally websites asked if the reader was having enough sex. This one had asked if the reader was having too much sex, and called it all kinds of terrible things. Yuuri could still see the English letters spelling out "Sex Maniac" in large red font whenever he closed his eyes.
A thought crossed Yuuri's mind, and he moaned in humiliated embarrassment. He could just imagine the headlines in all the sports blogs.
Nikiforov's Dick Turns Katsuki Into Pervert!
Katsuki Falls to Last Place in 4CCs Due To Sexual Exhaustion!
Once Japan's Pride, Katsuki Ends Career in Disgrace Following Sex Addiction!
Yuuri rolled over, burying his face in the pillows. He was a national disgrace. He would never be able to go home to face his family. He would have to spend the rest of his days alone, sadly jerking off to old pictures of Viktor.
He wondered if he could get Mari to send him all his old posters without her asking why.
She'd probably figure it out, anyway.
"Yuuri?"
Viktor's voice, sleep-slurred, flowed like honey into the darkened room. Yuuri's body turned towards Viktor of its own accord, seeking warm skin and strong arms. "Go back to sleep," Yuuri whispered.
"No," Viktor grumbled, wrapping his arms around Yuuri. "I like it better when I'm awake with you."
Viktor's lips touched Yuuri's cheek, his hands skimming over Yuuri's body, and Yuuri wasn't even surprised at how he arched into Viktor's touch. He gasped when Viktor's hand curled down over his ass, fingers playing along the sensitive skin where his buttcheek met his thigh.
"My love," Viktor murmured, kissing down Yuuri's throat. "So perfect."
"Viktor," Yuuri gasped. Words were hard to focus on when Viktor was touching all the special places on Yuuri's body. "Aren't you tired?"
"Incredibly." Viktor's mouth travelled along Yuuri's shoulder. "Such magnificence are you, my love, to pull me from my slumber."
"Viktor, wait."
Viktor went still, then pulled off Yuuri. Yuuri lay on the bed, wishing he could melt into a puddle, far away from Viktor and everything. The lamp switched on, and Viktor was leaning over Yuuri, blinking hard. "Yuuri," Viktor said, his voice having shed any sign of exhaustion. "Are you okay?"
Yuuri pressed his hands over his eyes. "Everything's fine!" he said. It would have sounded more convincing if his voice hadn't squeaked up an octave.
"Were you still sleeping?" Viktor asked. Yuuri moved his hands to see so much naked worry in Viktor's eyes. "I am so sorry, solnyshko."
Yuuri could feel the blood rushing to his face. "No, it wasn't—" He took another breath and tried again. "I was awake."
"Oh." Viktor slid down so he was lying beside Yuuri, close but not touching. "What is wrong?"
Yuuri wondered if it was possible to spontaneously combust from embarrassment. "Nothing," he lied, staring at the ceiling.
"Oh," Viktor said again. He didn't move, but Yuuri could somehow feel him pulling away. "That is good." A long pause. "But if there was something, you could tell me."
Yuuri, who apparently had no sense of self-preservation, shook his head. "You… I can't tell you."
"Yuuri." Viktor laid his fingers on Yuuri's arm, the most gentle of touches, and it pulled Yuuri around to look at Viktor. The man was exhausted, Yuuri could see in the dark circles under his eyes, the way sleep pulled at him even now. "You can tell me anything, if it is about you."
Yuuri stared at Viktor. Everything felt like it was falling apart, and Viktor was still there, thinking Yuuri was normal.
That was just proof that Viktor didn't know everything, after all.
"It's…" Yuuri started, then stopped as he rolled onto his side, facing Viktor. Viktor let his hand rest against Yuuri's shoulder. "I think…"
"Yes," Viktor prompted when the words got stuck in Yuuri's throat. "What bothers you, my love?"
Yuuri took in a deep breath. "I-think-I'm-a-sex-maniac," he blurted out in a rush, almost dizzy with humiliation.
Viktor blinked at him. Then he blinked again. "Yuuri," he said cautiously. "Can you say that again? My English, it is poor at this time of night."
"I think…" Yuuri took a moment to press his hand over his eyes again. This was even more humiliating than Yuuri had feared. "I said. I think I'm a sex maniac."
"Oh." Viktor blinked a few more times, but he said nothing else.
Yuuri had never seen Viktor at a loss for words. "Um."
"No, it's…" Viktor blinked even more. "It… I… Why?"
"I don't know," Yuuri nearly wailed, turning his head into the pillow. "I didn't mean for this to happen."
"Do you…" There was something wrong in Viktor's voice. "Am I not enough for you?"
Yuuri sat up so fast his back twinged warningly. "What?" he said in shock. "What? Viktor, no!"
Viktor also sat up, the pale sheets spilling off his body. "What you say, I know the words," and even Viktor was flustered now, something Yuuri would never have thought to see. "I know people with sex addiction, it is a very bad thing, much trouble does it bring in their lives."
Yuuri wrapped his hands in the sheet, twisting the fabric until the pressure against his fingers nearly hurt. "Oh," he said miserably.
"And they…" Viktor rubbed his hands over his face. "They would have sex with anyone, anywhere, would do anything. Much like alcoholics would do nearly anything for drink."
"No, it's not that!" Yuuri hastened to say. "No! I don't want to have sex with anyone else!"
Viktor pushed his hair back out of his eyes. On top of his exhaustion, he looked so very confused. "But Yuuri, you said…"
"It's you!" Yuuri exclaimed. "All I want to do is have sex with you!"
"Me," Viktor repeated.
"Yes, you!" Yuuri waved his hands. "That's the problem! All I want to do is be with you! When I'm at the rink, when I'm in the grocery store, when you send me on those stupid five-k runs, all the time!"
Viktor was just staring at him.
"I'm sorry, okay?" Yuuri sat back. "I know this isn't want you want from me, I'm terrible, but I don't want you to think that I…" He stopped talking, because it was obvious that Viktor was no longer paying him any attention.
Viktor was laughing.
And not just any laugh; this was a laugh so deep that Viktor's body was shaking with it, closing his eyes, sending him onto the bed and rolling around in his mirth.
"Viktor?"
Viktor opened his eyes, pointed at Yuuri, and dissolved into laughter again.
"Viktor, this isn't funny!"
"Oh, it is!" Viktor managed to say. He shook with a few more guffaws, before reaching for Yuuri's hand. "Oh, my beautiful man, stop looking so sour at me."
"This isn't funny!" Yuuri said again, feeling somewhat affronted. "I'm serious! This is a problem!"
"It is a problem how much you desire me?" Viktor tugged at Yuuri's hand until Yuuri lay down, half on top of Viktor. The man's skin was slightly cool from the bedroom's chill, and it made Yuuri want to cuddle him until he was warm and safe and sleepy again.
"Yes," Yuuri grumbled against Viktor's throat.
"Oh, Yuuri, you scared me so." Viktor kissed Yuuri's forehead, his hand curling around the back of Yuuri's head. The simple gesture calmed Yuuri, pulling him into the safety and security he felt so often in Viktor's embrace. "And here you are, so much in love with me that you worry at night."
"It's not love," Yuuri objected. "Love is… different. It's supposed to be more… I'm not sure, but less about sex."
Viktor pulled the sheet over them, then reached for the blanket. The sudden warmth was almost like sinking into the hot springs, and Yuuri sighed. "There are many kinds of love," Viktor murmured. "When I was a young man, I read about all of them, and many nights I lay awake wishing for such love."
Yuuri put his hand on Viktor's chest. "What kinds of love do Russians have?" he asked quietly.
"Many. There is the love between parents and children, and love between siblings, and friends, of course, but between lovers, there are more kinds of love than there are colours in the rainbow."
"Like what?" Yuuri pressed.
"There is a carnal love," Viktor said. "Physical desire. It is that which makes me look at you sometimes and wonder if I will explode from needing you so much."
"That's…." Yuuri rubbed a circle on Viktor's skin. "That one. That's me when I look at you." He cleared his throat. "I understand that one."
"And there is an admiring love," Viktor went on. "When I see you skate, see your dedication, how you make music with your body, I admire everything about you and want to be with you and make you stronger."
"Oh," Yuuri said softly.
"And there is more," Viktor said. "When you smile at me, or when you are making funny faces at Makkachin, or you see new things to make you happy, I am so full of love for you that it is like you are my whole world, and I want to be with you forever and always."
Yuuri turned his head to kiss Viktor's shoulder. "I want that too," he whispered.
"Then." Viktor reached over to turn out the lamp, plunging the room again into darkness. "Then why do you think you are a sex maniac?"
Yuuri groaned. "Because I want you too much!" he said. "Is it normal, what we do?"
"Who wants to be normal in bed?" Viktor asked, honestly puzzled. "I like what we do, it is so inventive and new. I have no complaints."
"Neither do I, but…" Yuuri wasn't sure if he was glad the lights were out or not. "Don't I want you too much?"
Viktor was quiet for a long moment. "Yuuri," he said finally. "If having sex with the beautiful man you love, as often as we do, is a measure of being a sex maniac, than I'm afraid that most of the competitive skaters had better seek therapy."
Yuuri scrunched up his face. The less he knew about the sex lives of the skaters he competed against, the better.
"You have not had to live through one of Georgi's infatuations, yet," Viktor went on, with the pain of long suffering in his voice. "It is terrible. There is nothing stopping his mouth."
"Viktor."
"And Chris! He has calmed so much since he met his young man, but you should have heard what he used to get up to—"
Yuuri stopped Viktor's words by putting a hand over his mouth. "I get it," he said, leaning up and taking away his hand. "Figure skaters have a lot of sex."
"Some of them do," Viktor agreed. "Others, they wait until they find the right partner."
"That's me," Yuuri whispered, tracing his lips across Viktor's cheek. "I... I found the perfect partner."
"Oh, my heart, my Yuuri," Viktor breathed. "So have I."
Viktor's kiss was, as always, perfection. Yuuri sank into the kiss and into Viktor's embrace in the darkness, reassured somewhat at Viktor's late-night confession. For so long, Yuuri had admired Viktor from so far away, never dreaming that Viktor would ever even speak to him, let alone love him back. But now, Yuuri had Viktor's love.
And he wasn't going to let his own anxieties or worries keep him from loving Viktor back with his entire heart, body and soul.