Work Text:
“Just admit it, Hanzo, we’re lost!”
“We are not—give me the map, Genji, stop that, you’re acting like a child!”
“You are not holding it right! That’s why we are lost! Gods above, I have the dumbest brother—“
“I’m not holding it right? Me? Which way is east, tell me that, and then argue!”
McCree slowly lifted his flask to his lips and let the arguing of the brothers fade into the background. The sun was hot here, and while his liquor didn’t help with the heat, it staved off the headache their bickering was giving him.
“Man,” started a different voice from beside him. “Do you think there’s any water around here?”
McCree glanced down to see his friend, the party’s bard, flopping down in the grass with an arm over his eyes to shield from the sun. “Probably. Grass is fairly green ‘round here, that means there’s water somewhere. Might be underground.”
Lucio sighed. “I feel useless,” he complained. “My skills aren’t worth anything way out here. I can’t charm the dirt into giving us water.”
“You could damn well try,” McCree joked. He looked out over the vast expanse of grass, dotted with chunks of rock. “Hold on… Hey, fellas, c’mere!”
The tieflings, who had switched to their native tongue with smoke and embers flicking from their mouths as they argued, stopped and looked over at McCree’s call. “What is it?” Hanzo asked, coming over with Genji at his heels.
“Y’all got better eyesight than me. You seein’ that way out there?”
Lucio sat up as well and squinted into the distance.
“It looks like… some sort of ruins,” Hanzo said hesitantly. “It certainly is not a natural stone formation.”
“That appears to be a broken pillar, near it,” Genji agreed, pointing. His tail flicked in excitement, red eyes growing wide and sharp white teeth glittering in the sun. “Cool!”
“Maybe there’s somethin’ there to explore. Dungeon or something. At least we’ll be outta the sun for a bit,” McCree suggested. “Then we can figure out what to do. Hey, where’re the other two?”
Genji turned around and waved. “Chatting, of course. What else?”
McCree shook his head and turned. “Hey! We found something!” he shouted.
Sitting in the relative shade of a boulder was a very large man and a very small woman. The man, an enormous human in equally huge armor, looked up from their conversation. McCree couldn’t hear what he said to the half-elven woman, but the two stood and made their way over. For their age, they both moved with no less skill than the younger adventurers.
“That way a bit. See that sprawl of rocks?” McCree pointed. “Ruins of some kind. We wanted to go check it out.”
“If our dear little thieves are done their petty bickering,” said Ana with mirth and a sly grin at the Shimada brothers. Tiefling tails lashed in shame.
“My apologies, Miss Amari,” Hanzo rumbled, lowering his head.
McCree still just couldn’t get used to such wild formalities from the tiefling brothers. He'd known many a tiefling in his time in the west, but the Shimadas were nothing like the cattle ranchers McCree was used to. Hell, he'd had no idea about the existence of the ancient tiefling clan of thieves and sorcerers until he met them.
But that was neither here nor there. They had a dungeon to raid.
Genji pulled up his mask over his face. His voice came out a little distorted by the magic in his armor and prosthetics that kept him alive. “Shall we go, then?”
“By all means. Y’all should probably go a little ahead, check for traps?” McCree suggested.
Hanzo nodded. He reached over to brush his fingers against McCree’s arm before pulling up his hood and stalking ahead. Genji moved a few feet to his side, both tieflings scanning the grass and rocks for anything out of the ordinary.
McCree held out his hand to Lucio, crouching a bit to reach the halfling better. For his small size, the bard was surprisingly heavy. Likely all his instruments.
The two took a moment of solidarity to watch their respective boyfriends as they crept quickly through the fields. Watching them do their rogue thing was always cool.
“Alright, lovebirds, we should go catch up,” Ana said behind them. “They will take all the good loot for themselves!”
“No, they won’t,” Lucio assured, but started walking anyway. McCree shook his head and followed.
The second Reinhardt started moving, McCree hid a wince; his armor was so damn loud. Stealth was far from the paladin’s specialty.
By the time they’d caught up, Genji was sitting on one of the broken walls of what looked like an old stone building, and Hanzo was examining the well-worn stone. Genji waved eagerly as they approached.
“Anything interesting?” Lucio asked, scrambling up with a little help from Genji to sit beside him.
“Not really,” Genji replied. “If there was anything, it is long gone.”
“Damn,” McCree cursed. “Just the foundation here?”
“So far,” Genji said. He pressed his shoulder into Lucio. “How are you feeling?”
Lucio shook his head, but he was smiling. “I’m fine! You’ve been asking me every two minutes!”
“Well, I am concerned! My dear, darling, most treasured and talented love, wounded in battle!”
“It’s been a week, babe,” Lucio laughed. His fingers brushed the bandages on his arm from the injury, nearly healed by now, between his own magic and Ana’s potions.
Speaking of, Ana and Reinhardt had wandered a little further into the rubble. McCree glanced around to look for Hanzo, and spotted him moving around the outside of the wall. McCree left Genji and Lucio to their conversation, which was quickly growing grossly affectionate, and followed after Hanzo.
“See somethin’, darlin’?” McCree asked.
Hanzo shook his head, a small frown on his face. “Not yet. This was a large building though, once. Strange that it is the only one here…”
“Maybe there were more,” McCree mused. “Wooden buildings?”
“Perhaps.” Hanzo’s long nails tapped at the stone. “But I cannot help but feel as though there is more here. I am not skilled enough in the arcane to tell, however.”
“Maybe Ana’ll know,” McCree suggested. It wouldn’t be the first time they’d run into a place of magic without knowing.
Hanzo nodded. “We should see if she can tell once I check behind the rubble. I would like to ensure our safety before we do very much else.”
“Sure, honey. I got your back.”
Hanzo’s rare smile was gentle and put a flutter in McCree’s chest. “Thank you, Jesse.”
McCree followed alongside Hanzo as he checked he crumbled wall for… whatever he was checking for. He kept one hand casually on his gun, a rare and treasured weapon, forged by dwarves. His short sword rested on his other hip, though it rarely saw the blood of battle. He preferred his aim to his blade; Hanzo was no different with his bow.
When they’d reached the other end of the wall, Hanzo stopped. He stood and peered over the wall, head tilting a little.
“Got something?”
“Perhaps… keep watch.” Hanzo vaulted the wall, tail waving to keep his balance as he landed elegantly. McCree craned his neck a little; even with Hanzo’s horns, he was almost short enough that at his angle, McCree couldn’t see him too well over the wall.
He scanned for his teammates, instinct making him cautious. Four familiar figures; good.
“Come here,” Hanzo’s voice hissed.
McCree scrambled over the stone, much less graceful than the rogue, and landed with a heavy huff and a jingle of spurs.
Hanzo was crouching. “There’s something here.”
McCree got down beside him and brushed aside the dry soil with metal fingers. “What… is that a door?”
Hanzo nodded, white eyes bright with excitement. “It is!”
McCree grinned at him. “Hope there’s somethin’ real neat down there.”
“There will be nothing, treasure, or certain death,” Hanzo said.
“Or some combination of the three.” McCree laughed. “Finally some excitement!”
They called their companions over, and worked on clearing the dirt from above an old wooden door set into the ground. Ana nodded as she looked at it. “It’s enchanted,” she said, running her fingers over the ancient iron fittings. “Mostly to prevent it from being destroyed. And that extended to its age and forces of nature.”
“So there’s somethin’ under there?” McCree asked. “Something valuable?”
“Most likely. Something that whoever lived here wanted to keep safe.”
“Can you open it?” Lucio asked. “There’s no handle.”
Hanzo and Genji looked at each other. “An unopenable door?” Hanzo scoffed.
“Impossible.” Genji unsheathed his knife. “Stand back, boys. And Miss Amari.”
“I love when he gets like this,” Lucio whispered to McCree as the rogues began picking at the door with various tools.
“Yer tellin’ me,” McCree replied. Hanzo had his tongue between his sharp teeth in concentration. Cute.
The other four began to grow a little restless, watching the Shimadas focusing on getting the door open. They were getting frustrated, occasionally cursing in Infernal or muttering something to the other.
But finally, minutes later, Genji let out a victorious cry.
Hanzo swore. “Reinhardt,” he said, straining as his blade groaned under the door.
Reinhardt moved as swiftly as his heavy armor allowed, kneeling beside Hanzo and helping them pull the heavy wood upwards. It thunked solidly against the ground.
All six crowded around and peered down. It was very, very dark.
“So who’s going first?” Lucio asked with a nervous laugh.
Genji drew his shorter sword. “Could I have a light, please?”
Lucio plucked at the lyre on his hip, a few cheery notes breaking the quiet, and Genji’s sword began to glow with a soft green light that matched the ones on his magical limbs. “Good?”
Genji nodded. “Thank you. You’re wonderful.”
Lucio beamed at him, dark cheeks flushing at the compliment.
“Are you sure, Genji?” Hanzo asked, worry on his face.
“You worry too much, brother,” Genji said, before dropping silently into the hole. The light vanished instantly.
Lucio snapped his fingers. “It’s a darkness spell!”
“Can you get rid of it?” Reinhardt asked.
“Maybe.” Lucio pulled his lute from his back, but hesitated. “I don’t wanna use up all my spells for the day.”
Reinhardt hummed. “Do you think dispell magic will work?”
“That’s what I was gonna try.”
Reinhardt nodded. “Ah, I can do that! Easy!” He reached up to the symbol on his armor plating and turned his face up toward the sky. With a word that rumbled even deeper than Reinhardt’s usual bass, the darkness rippled and vanished in the door. Sunlight flooded into the hole, illuminating the disturbed motes of dust that danced in the beams.
“Ah! You fixed it! Thank you!” Genji’s voice called up. He reappeared underneath and waved up. “So far, so good! I think you can come down.”
Hanzo jumped down with no hesitation. It was probably a ten foot drop, and he landed neatly.
“There a ladder down there?” McCree asked, only partially joking.
“Nope.”
“Any of y’all got feather fall or somethin’?” McCree said to the magic users.
“Sure, lemme use up all my spells.” Lucio shook his head and put his lute back. “Genji, can you catch me?”
Genji sheathed his sword, dismissing the green light, and stretched up his arms.
Lucio slid down as much as he could, clinging with gloved hands before dropping. Genji easily caught him. McCree didn’t need to see his face to know he was smiling.
“I am not catching you, Jesse,” Hanzo called up. McCree could see him readying a stance anyway.
“I got this, sugar, don’t you worry none.”
Hanzo’s grumble wasn’t entirely inaudible. McCree grinned cheekily down at him before, almost too confidently, leaping down into the hole.
His confidence paid off, and he landed safely on the old wooden floor, kicking up dust, but definitely feeling like a badass. His knees hurt a little bit, but nothing that wouldn’t go away in a minute. He straightened up and grinned at Hanzo’s expression.
“See, I still got it,” McCree said.
Hanzo’s gray face tinted adorably red. Genji laughed.
“Can y’all get down okay?” McCree called up, squinting at the silhouettes of the paladin and the alchemist.
“I can,” Reinhardt said. He looked over at Ana with concern.
“I might not be a handsome young woman anymore, but my bones aren’t made of glass,” she replied.
The four in the hole drew back into the shadows as Reinhardt came jumping down. His armor clattered loudly, but he looked even cooler than McCree felt.
Reinhardt lifted his hands up to Ana. “I will catch you!” he exclaimed.
She shook her head and jumped down. With a soft curse in Elvish, she landed in Reinhardt’s arms.
“There! First obstacle overcome!” Reinhardt grinned at the team.
Genji raised his glowing sword, casting a green light across the room. “There isn’t very much here,” he said. “There’s a door there, it’s locked. I thought it wise to wait for backup.”
Hanzo took out his lockpicks again. “Hold that so I can see better.”
It took Hanzo a minute to get the door open, cursing softly and grumbling about the rusty lock. There was a dull click, and Hanzo straightened. “There.”
Reinhardt hefted his shield. “Stand back, let me go first.”
McCree pulled out his gun and double checked it was loaded.
Hanzo slowly pulled open the door.
For a moment, there was silence.
“So--” Lucio started, before a sudden metal clang interrupted him.
Reinhardt stumbled back a step, started at whatever crashed into his shield. McCree slid to the side to look around the paladin.
A skeletal face grinned back at him, flesh barely clinging to the old, old bones.
“Zombie!” Lucio yelped, drawing his rapier and hovering his other hand over his lyre.
“It’s one zombie!” Genji replied, slipping into a battle-ready stance. Hanzo had already vanished into shadow, and only the pale white of his eyes was visible as he backed away to draw his bow.
Low shuffles and groans echoed from inside the next room.
“You were saying?” Ana said flatly, raising her crossbow.
Hanzo shot first. An arrow whistled past McCree’s ear and plunged deep into the sunken eye socket of the zombie. It shuddered and lurched, the grip on its sword loose.
Reinhardt used the opportunity to bash forward with his shield, knocking the arrow in deeper and crushing its face. The zombie crumpled to the ground, but the sounds of the rest were drawing nearer.
“Lucio, the light,” Genji said.
With a wave of his hand, the green glow was extinguished. Genji retreated into the shadow with his brother, waiting.
“Can I have a light?” McCree complained. “Some of us can’t see in the dark!”
A sharp pluck at Lucio’s lyre had Reinhardt’s shield glowing a soft blue. It didn’t reflect off the rusty armor of the zombie that came charging forward with gnashing teeth and grasping claws. McCree aimed carefully and with a loud, satisfying crack of his revolver, the zombie’s face was blown off in a burst of dust and rank, rotting blood.
“Can we just funnel them in the door?” McCree asked, preparing to fire again.
“As long as only one or two come at a time,” Reinhardt replied, bracing his shield.
Several sets of hands came clawing through the door frame.
“That’s a no, then,” Ana said. McCree heard her footsteps retreating and stepped back himself.
Two arrows came whizzing past him from different directions, striking the same zombie. He heard Ana reloading her crossbow and the very light tapping of Hanzo’s boots on the floor as he moved positions.
The thrill of battle filled McCree’s blood. Even if they were just zombies, the past week had been unbearably boring. It was just a shame it was too dark to watch Hanzo destroying their enemies with his bow; he was raw power and elegant art in a living body.
As McCree lined up his next shot, he heard Lucio say something in Halfling, and the zombie that was desperately weakened by the arrows suddenly reached up to claw at its head. McCree grimaced as it ripped into its own fragile flesh and brittle bones with an agonized, inhuman shriek of agony. Musy gray brain matter was met by jagged, dirty nails and the monster collapsed.
“Gross,” Lucio said.
“Vicious mockery? I’ve never seen that happen before,” Reinhardt said, raising his shield to block the next grasping limb.
“Works great on weak enemies,” Lucio said, darting under the shield to jab at the zombie with his rapier. McCree took a shot and blood dribbled in thick, almost gel-like globs from its shattered jaw that then fell off and hit the ground in a wet squish.
Genji’s blade dropped down from above the door to impale another one. McCree looked up to see him clinging to the wall, his magic limbs giving him the insane spider-like power. The zombie went limp, the glow of its eyes fading, as Genji jerked his sword back, blood dripping from the blade.
“Stand back!” Reinhardt said. McCree stepped back beside Ana as the paladin pulled out his hammer. His shield, still glowing, was set on his back. With a mighty cry, he swung his hammer, and flames so bright they were nearly white flickered in the air.
When the hammer connected with one of the zombies coming in through the door, it erupted into bright flames as its bones shattered and cracked. The monster shrieked, and Reinhardt used the momentum to slam it into the one beside it.
“Reinhardt, get back!” Ana shouted. McCree glanced toward her to see her reaching into her bag. A small glass vial glinted in her hand.
Reinhardt moved away, protecting Lucio. Ana hurled the vial; it shattered on the burning corpse.
The liquid inside splashed onto the zombies near it, and the flames eagerly licked at the liquid. McCree took a shot at the same time Hanzo did, ending two more zombies. Lucio yelled another insult in Halfling, making a third run into the flames.
“Is that all of ‘em?” McCree asked.
The flames began to die down. Beneath the dry cracking of bones and rusted armor in the magical fire, there was silence.
Reinhardt reached up to touch his chest, the symbol on his armor. He was quiet for a moment, and then nodded. “I can’t sense any more undead in there. We’re safe.”
“For now,” Hanzo’s voice growled from beside McCree, startling the gunslinger. “Stay wary.”
“Gods--quit doin’ that!”
Hanzo offered a dry smile.
“If I wasn’t so damn in love with you--”
“You would what, Jesse, my cherished one?”
Jesse floundered. “I’d-- I would-- shut up.”
Genji dropped down from the wall and bounded to Lucio. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” he assured, accepting Genji’s concerned touches. “Everyone else alright?”
“They didn’t put up very much of a fight,” Ana replied, shouldering her bag of potions. “Reinhardt, dear?”
“Right as rain, my love.” He smiled fondly at her. “Not a scratch on me.”
“Well, reckon we should go see what they were guarding,” McCree said.
There were nods of agreement. Reinhardt moved to the front with his shield, Genji and Lucio just behind him with Ana at their heels. Hanzo moved to follow before McCree caught his arm.
“Nice shootin’, darlin’,” McCree whispered, smiling and leaning down.
Hanzo shook his head but eagerly closed the distance. He kept the kiss brief and chaste. “Not so bad yourself. Though this was nothing of a battle.”
“Got lucky, I reckon. See, I told ya, you’re a good luck charm.”
“Hardly.” Hanzo smiled, though, a soft expression rare on his face that struck butterflies in McCree’s throat and sunshine in his chest. “But I appreciate the sentiment, regardless.”
“Let’s go see what fantastic loot we fought so hard for,” McCree said, just as Genji let out an excited whoop from the other room and Lucio’s laughter rang out.
“And make sure my brother does not keep it all for himself,” Hanzo agreed. He took McCree’s magical metal fingers and the two hurried after their companions.