Chapter Text
I carry Sam into the passenger seat. He’s unconscious and moaning slightly, but thank God, the screaming has stopped. Thinking twice, I run in and grab Crowley by the collar and drag him to the car. “What’s going on? What’s wrong with Moose? He was almost done, why did he stop?” I ignore his babbling and lock him in the trunk. I hightail it to the closest hospital.
“Cas, can you hear me? I’m driving to the hospital, Linwood Memorial. Can you meet us there? There’s something wrong with Sammy. He collapsed… I know you probably got your plate full here, but this is Sammy. Just come as soon as you can, okay?”
I let go a breath I didn’t know I was holding once I see the exit sign pointing to the hospital. I skid into the parking lot and carry Sam through the sliding doors. “Help! He collapsed!” Two nurses come running up and I place Sam onto the gurney they roll up and watch as Sam is taken past the ER doors. After about an hour of frantic prayers, the doctor lets me see him. Time seems to slow down when I walk in. Sammy looks dead. I know he’s alive, but he’s barely there. I sit with him until the doctor comes back. The radio is playing softly in the background.
Night was dark, when the sky was blue,
Down the alley, the ice-wagon flew,
Hit a bump, and somebody screamed,
You shoulda heard just what I seen.
Who do you love?
Who do you love?
*
I storm out of the room, the doctor’s words replaying in my head. “In God’s hands now.” I look around the hallway and a small sign catches my eye. Chapel. I scan the hallway to see if anyone is watching, then duck into the little room. It’s quiet in here. And something about the quietness is… peaceful. I know there’s a crap ton of problems mounting outside, but in here, the world feels… smaller. Simpler. A simple table at the end of the room holds one small red candle which illuminates the Crucifix on the wall. I look away. I shouldn’t be in here. I don’t belong here. I can’t say anything. But a voice in my head is whispering try. So I go to something I feel like I can handle.
“Cas, are you there?” I ask. Keep it simple. “Sammy's hurt. He's hurt, uh – he's hurt pretty bad.” Saying it all out loud makes it so much more real. Saving face in front of Sammy has taken its toll and now that I’m alone, it all comes crashing out. It’s taking everything I have not to break down, but I am close. “And, um... I know you think that I'm pissed at you, okay? But I don't care that the angels fell. So whatever you did or didn't do, it doesn't matter, okay? We'll work it out.” I just need someone here. I don’t want to be the strong one. I’ve held others up for so long, I need someone to hold me up now. “Please, man, I need you here.” I open my eyes and look around, wishing he would appear. That I would hear the flutter of that stupid trenchcoat and Cas would be here. He would be here and he’d fix everything. Where’s my angel?
I look around to make sure no one saw that little bit of vulnerability slip out. I’m pissed that it happened. I’m pissed that Sammy was hurt on my watch. I’m pissed I opened myself up to Cas, once again, and heard nothing. Son of a bitch. Don’t you keep ignoring me.
“Screw it.” No response from Cas, so I take a chance. This is a crazy gamble I’m making, but Sammy’s life is in the balance. “Okay, listen up. This one goes out to any angel with their ears on. This is Dean Winchester.” I grimace. “And I need your help. The deal is this – Linwood Memorial Hospital, Randolph, New York. The first one who can help me gets my help in return and you know that ain't nothin'. Hell, it's no secret that we haven't always seen eye to eye. But you know that I am good for my word.” I draw in another shaky breath, but I can feel the tears coming back. “And, uh, I wouldn't be asking if I wasn't needing, so...” I bury my face in my hands and let them fall freely for the first time in a long time.
*
I make my way back to Sam’s room. I collapse in the chair by his bedside and watch him. If I forget the tubes running over his face, he almost looks like he’s sleeping. I’d give anything for that again. I alternate between researching miracle workers on my phone and sending random prayers to Cas. A woman walks in. “Hi. I'm just gonna break the ice. Are you an angel?” I ask.
“I'm a grief counselor here at the hospital.” She responds.
“Look, I'm sure you're a nice person and that you mean well, but there’s always a way.”
“And I am a prayerful woman who believes in miracles as much as the next, but I also know how to read an EEG. And unless you're telling me you have a direct line to those angels that you were looking for – “ She offers.
I shake my head and look away, lost in thought. “Yeah, no, I, uh... Guess I don't.” A thought hits me and I immediately brighten up. “But I might have something better. I got the King of Hell in my trunk.”
*
I walk down to the garage and find Baby. Checking to make sure no one is nearby, I rap my knuckles on the trunk. “Crowley, listen up, you son of a bitch. One for yes, two for no. You alive?” No response. “Come on, don’t be a pouter.” Thud. “There we go.” I bend over to unlock the trunk and I’m suddenly grabbed by the collar and an angel blade is held to my neck. “You prayed?” I pause a beat. “Yeah, for help.” He holds the blade tighter against my throat. “Yes. You’ll be helping me.” He shoves me down onto the trunk of the car. Thankfully, Crowley is smart enough to stay quiet. “If you lie to me, Dean Winchester, I will rip your throat out. Where is Castiel?” So that’s what he’s here for. “Who’s asking?” I counter. “Try every angel who was ejected from their home.” “Oh. Oh, well, in that case, I have no clue.” Even though that son of a bitch is ignoring me again, I’m still going to fight alongside him, against all of Heaven it now seems.
*
“All right, Ezekiel. How do I know you're not hunting me or Castiel like the other angels?” Ezekiel looks around at the ring of holy fire and stands up slowly. “Believe it or not, some of us still do believe in our mission. And that means we believe in Castiel...and you.” Yeah, well, we haven’t been much of a team lately. I take him up to Sam and while Ezekiel is looking over him and scanning him or whatever, my phone rings. Unknown number, but I still answer. “Who is this?” A sigh of relief on the other line and then… “Dean.”
Relief floods through me and I almost sob in gratitude. “Cas.” I walk out to the hallway to get some privacy. “Cas, what the hell’s going on?”
“Metatron tricked me. It wasn't angel trials. It was a spell. I wanted you to know that.”
“Okay. That's great, but we've got ourselves a problem.” I feel bad for the rushed reply, but Sammy is still dying.
“What's wrong?”
“Sam.” I swallow thickly. “He's, um – they say he's dying.”
“What happened?” He asks quietly.
“I don't know. I mean, first he was okay, and then he wasn't. And I-“ I’m rambling now. “Have you heard my prayers? I've been praying to you all night.”
“Dean.” Cas says placatingly. “Metatron – he – he took my grace.”
“What? Wait-” What is the deal with this guy?
“Don't worry about me.” He cuts me off. “What are you doing for Sam?”
“Uh, everything I can. There's actually another angel in there working on him right now.”
“What other angel?” Cas asks firmly. What? You jealous, angel?
“Um, his name is Ezekiel. He's cool. I mean, I think he is.” Crap, I didn’t even grill him hard enough. What if I just let an Angel take a free shot at Sam?
“Ezekiel. Yes.” I hear his smile and relax instantly. “He's a good soldier. He should be able to help until I get there.”
“Wait, no, no, no. No, hey, that's not an option.” I say, thinking about the other angel in the garage.
Cas doesn’t seem to hear me and continues. “It might be a few days, but –”
“Hey, Cas, listen to me.” I cut in. “There are angels out there, okay? And they – they're looking for you, and they're pissed.”
“Not all of them, Dean. Some are just looking for direction. Some are just lost.”
How does he not see the severity of the situation? “What are you talking about?”
“I met one. I think I can help her, Dean.” This guy is gonna put himself on the line for a random angel?
“No, Cas, I know you want to help, okay? I do, but helping angels is what got you in trouble in the first place. Now, I'm begging you – for once, look out for yourself.” Don’t make me lose you too. “Until we figure out what the hell is going on, trust nobody.”
“And do what? Just abandon them all?”
“Damn it, Cas! You hearing yourself? There's a war on, and it's on you. There's thousands of them out th-“ I stop and try a different approach. “You said you lost your grace, right? That means you're human. That means you bleed and you eat and you sleep and all the things you never had to worry about before.”
“I'm fine, Dean.” Cas says calmly. I roll my eyes. You have got to be kidding me. Why is everyone so suicidal? Before I get a chance to respond, the hospital rumbles loudly. “Whoa.”
“What's going on?” He asks.
“I think we got more company.” I start to make my way back to Sam’s room. “Look, get your ass to the bunker alone. You hear me?” “Dean.” He tries. “Go, Cas!” I hear him say my name once more before I hang up and run into the room.
*
Ezekiel starts healing Sam quietly from the inside and I get Sammy back. As we (three) drive back to the bunker, I finally let myself relax a bit. Sammy’s okay, Crowley is trapped in the trunk, and Cas is coming home. My heart quickens as I allow myself to really think about the question that has been on my mind since our phone call.
If Cas is human now, what does that mean for him?
For us?