Chapter Text
"What?" is the only word to come out of Even's mouth but it sounds more like "what", without the question mark, like he's too shocked to even show any emotions or like he's still trying to decide what his emotions even are at the moment.
Because hey, what is he supposed to say? "Oh my god, yes, that's such a brilliant idea!" ?
"Mikael," he starts instead, a kaleidoscope of emotions on his face because he still has no idea how he feels about this. That is, he knows what he feels is negative but has no idea what exactly it is.
"I knooow, right?" his best friend smiles widely at him, definitely too enthusiastic because he's a bad actor and he doesn't know how to pretend he has no idea what Even could possibly have against the idea. "It's gonna be amazing! We can see all of those places and Elias-"
Mikael doesn't get to finish his sentence, because Even interrupts him saying "Mikael!" once again.
He's friend keeps on smiling, trying to pretend he still has no idea what's wrong and that he's actually good at pretending. Honestly, Even feels offended. Mikael should know that after watching so many movies, his best friend would recognize when someone knows (or doesn't, like Mikael) how to act.
Finally, he sighs, shakes his head and drops the act.
"Okay, look. I know that you and Isak are not on good terms-"
"Not on good terms?" Even raises his eyebrow because come on, this phrase is not a right one in this situation. "Mikael, I love all of our mutual friends and I'd love to get along with him but you've seen it, he won't even look at me most of the time. And whenever he says something to me it's either very rude or just things like "have you seen Jonas?" or "could you please move, i'm late for a meeting and you're standing in my way". Can you seriously, honestly tell me that a month when I'll see him everyday can work?"
"Even. You won't have to talk to him. There are like, nine people coming."
And okay, it is true, Mikael's making sense, but still, Even is terrified by what could happen. One month. Across Europe. With Isak everyday there? The knowledge itself, even if he really doesn't have to exchange any words with Isak, is enough to classify this idea as a Not Very Good One. Really.
When he doesn't say anything for a longer moment, Mikael speaks up again.
"Listen, if it wasn't for Isak Valtersen, you would love this idea. We both know it. So just... try not to think about him. I'm sure he's nervous too, you know" Mikael just shrugs but Even is in awe because it does make sense, he supposes. Isak must feel the same way. Even's best friend is also right when it comes to the idea itself because yeah, Even loves it.
Mikael now looks like a child asking parent for sweets and Even loves his friends and he would really do anything for them so dammit, he's about to go on a month-long road trip across Europe with his friends and also Isak Valtersen. He deserves an Oscar for that, honestly, they should create a Best Real World Friend category just for him.
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He's been looking at the suitcase for an hour now or maybe even more - it's hard to tell. He feels like it's moking him, really, laughing at how he always keeps on forgetting about something important. Even is tempted to say "try it yourself, if you're so smart!" but, well, it's a suitcase.
It's knocking at his door that interrupts him and he could kiss the person who came to see him but then he says "Come in!" and suddenly he's standing face to face with Isak Valersen of all people.
"Ehm, Adam let me in" he explains and Even could kill the traitor right now because that's who Adam is - a traitor. Most of the time Even absolutely loves living with five of his best friends in the big flat - even if he has to share his room with Yousef who can snore rather loudly. Right now though, it's a curse because all of his friends love Isak and they keep on trying to get the two of them to talk and become best buddies or something. Which isn't going to happen, definitely. When are they going to get it?
It's awkward now, when Even nods and says "Okay". They don't look at each other - or maybe Isak does but Even wouldn't know, he's not looking at him.
"So," Isak starts and he sounds very awkward, judging by the way he not quite stutters, but he's close to doing so. Even can only raise his eyebrows questioningly at that because it's still a mystery to him - what is Isak Valtersen doing in his room right now?
"What are you doing in my room?" he asks and realizes his voice sounds kind of cold. He would apologize but hey, Isak has been cold to Even many, many times in the past without ever explaining himself and besides, he doesn't look hurt by Even now. He's actually smiling a little annoyingly. Smiling!
He says "I thought it was also Yousef's room?" and the smile is even more annoying now which makes Even roll his eyes a little - a behavior usually connected to Isak, not him, so apparently a conversation that lasts couple of seconds is too much time spent with him as Even slowly starts adapting his habits. He should've used that argument while talking to Mikael about the trip, really. But he already agreed and somehow also convinced himself that it could actually be somewhat fun if he doesn't concentrate on Isak's presence there. And speaking of, not thinking about Isak is kind of hard right now, when he's standing in front of Even.
"Yousef's not here" he points out "He keeps on complaining that he already had his tickets for a flight to Turkey before we decided to go on a road trip so I think you would remember that detail" he shrugs and still tries to explain to himself why Isak's here.
Turns out he doesn't have to ask because Isak finally decides to actually start talking.
"Right, the road trip. That's, uhm, why I'm here" he says, scratching his neck. He opens his mouth and then closes it, lets out a sigh and then speaks again "Look, I'm sure we can stay amicable for it, right? So our friends don't have to worry about us?"
The first reaction Even has is frowning because he still doesn't understand this whole situation with Isak. Isak started it and Even was only adjusting his behavior to the situation and now Isak comes to him and tells him that they should try to stay friendly with each other?
He really wants to say it out loud but then he looks at his suitcase that's still not full and Isak and that's when he decides he's way too tired for another fight with Isak. So he nods and he shrugs and says "Whatever, yeah. Let's just... agree to ignore each other, I guess" and then the other boy nods. The trip is supposed to be a chance for all of them to relax before the next year of university begins and nothing's going to ruin that.
They sit there for a couple of seconds, each of them awkward and almost physically painful before Isak finally opens the door and with a short nod toward Even, leaves the room.
Even turns to look at the suitcase.
It's still definitely moking him.
He somehow manages to finish packing almost another hour later when he hears knocking again - this time it's not the door to his room, though, but the entrance to their flat. When it doesn't stop, Even realizes that Elias and Adam, who where inside, must have left so he makes his way toward the door to open it. He really hopes it's not Isak again who maybe wanted to see one of the boys and yeah, it's not him. Instead, he's greeted with a sight of a girl in a black hijab, lips painted on a dark color and also dark spots under her eyes, like she's been crying and destroyed her makeup because of that.
"Sana" he says and the corners of her mouth are turned upside down, her eyebrows brought together and Even gives her a one-armed hug because she really looks like she needs a hug. "Hey, come in, Elias isn't here, though, sorry."
He closes the door quietly and leads her to the kitchen, deciding against asking her what's wrong. They're friends, although not as close as her and Isak are, like he learnt lately, but he knows that with Sana it's better to wait until she starts talking, if she wants to.
"Do you want tea?" he asks and starts making it when she nods. "I'm not sure where Elias went and when he'll be back, sorry" he adds when he remembers she probably came here to see her brother.
Sana shrugs and Even is worried even more because she usually talks a lot. Now she's not speaking at all, to think about it.
She sighs and bites her lip like she's trying to say something but isn't sure what words to use.
"It's fine. I just... it wasn't anything important" she shakes her head and doesn't look like she quite believes in what she's saying but Even really doesn't want to pry. Her eyes look kind of foggy, though, like she's one step away from crying again so maybe he should at least ask.
"Sana. Are you alright?" he furrowes his eyebrows and wants to sit down with her but in this moment the water starts boiling. He finishes making tea and then gives one of two cups to Sana and sits on one of the chairs by the table. When she still doesn't say anything, he adds "Look, I know it's best to talk to family but I can try to help."
She smiles at him then, although it's a blink-and-you'll-miss-it kind of a smile and takes a deep breath.
"Do you know what it's like when you feel different than your friends? Like you don't really belong?" she asks quietly, only looking at Even once or twice. Her voice is shaking slightly and some of the words come out more like a whisper but he doesn't point it out, nodding patiently instead. Does he know the feeling?
"Of course" he answers softly and offers her a small smile. His thoughts wander to that time almost three years ago when the thing Sana described was the only thing he could feel at all. When he believed there was nothing right about him and everything was wrong and he didn't know how to think or breathe or exist anymore. It has to show on his face because Sana's eyes suddenly widen.
"I'm sorry. You must have felt like that... back then. I'm sorry, Even," she looks like she's going to continue talking but he stops her, putting his hand on her shoulder comfortingly.
"Hey, Sana, it's alright. I'm fine now, I talked to the guys, a lot of times, honestly. It's alright. It's you we're talking about right now so hey, keep talking" he squeezes her shoulder to offer his support and hopes she'll tell him what's on her mind so he can at least try to help.
She takes a deep breath.
"So, you know how the girls and I were actually planning to go on a road trip, like you, right?" Even nods. "At first I was really excited but then the girls started talking about all of the food we're going to eat and kept on forgetting that I don't eat everything and Eva got excited about all the types of alcohol you can buy in different places and Noora kept on talking about William again and-" that's where Sana inhales deeply "-do you know what she told me? She said I was lucky that I didn't have to worry about boys."
Even says nothing and hugs Sana instead, dissapointed with the way the girls ignored what Sana needs. His friend seemed to be especially mad about Noora's comment and Even would think it's just the ignorance of it if he didn't notice something more sad than angry on her face.
"And you do worry about that, right?" he asks quietly and she doesn't confirm it or nod or anything but she stays quiet and that's also an answer. So the boys were right, he realizes, about Yousef and Sana. Or, they were right about Sana because about Yousef they just knew and there was no point in guessing as he could spend hours asking Elias not-so-subtle questions about his sister. Even would ask Sana about it now but it's definitely not the time. "Okay, so... now you feel like you don't belong to their group?"
She nods, looking at the ground and it's really not Sana-style which concerns Even, again. Sana's usually confident and brave - seeing her like this just doesn't feel right to him.
"I don't feel like I belong to the Muslim world as well, though. Like I'm stuck between that and Norwegian people and I'm just... not enough." she says the last words so quietly Even would miss it if he wasn't focusing so much.
He hugs her again then, because he understands some of it - the isolation, the loneliness. He doesn't want her friend to feel like this and he really hopes there is a way for her to feel better, maybe stop thinking about the girls for a moment. How can he do this, though? Especially when he's about to leave the next day?
That's when he gets an idea.
He says, "Sana? You should go and pack your suitcase."
She raises her eyebrows, finally looking at him, confusion on her face.
"What? Why? The girls want to leave only-"
"You're not going with the girls" he grins at her, not letting her finish and really hopes that his idea is a right one. "You're coming with us instead. That is, if you want to. But come on, I'm sure you'd have more fun!"
She's still frowning and for a moment looks like she's about to decline but then she shrugs and there's a smile on her face. A very small one and barely visible for that matter but it's still there.
"Okay, yeah."
So that's how the road trip ends up being for ten people, not nine.
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The first day they spend on a ferry, their two cars parked safely. Even is sharing his cabin with Mikael but right now they're all sitting in a bar, talking excitingly about what they're going to see in England.
"We have to visit that place!" Mahdi argues, Jonas and Magnus looking at him with disapprovement. "I heard you can buy the best waffles in London there, my cousin told me and my cousin knows what-"
"I heard it's a way too expensive place" Jonas shakes his head, not agreeing with his friend "We can't afford it, we have many more places to visit so if we're going to spend all of our money in one restau-"
"He has a point, though" Mutta says, interrupting Jonas' speech "I mean, waffles!"
Even's thinking about joining the conversation, offering his opinion (maybe they could stop there just to get a couple of waffles for everyone to share) when Isak and Sana show up with everyone's drinks. Sana quickly sits next to Magnus and Isak suddenly looks lost, looking around, tapping fingers of one hand on the wrist of the other. Even frowns but then it hits him - the only free place for Isak to sit is right next to him.
Sana!
He sends her a look that he hopes says "i invite you on the best trip of your life and this is what you're doing??" and she shrugs, only a hint of a smile on her face.
Eventually Isak sits down next to Even because that would be weird if he'd just stand. But hey, they talked and Even's mature and he definitely can behave like a grown-up.
"Sorry" Isak mutters "There was no place to sit. And hey, we promised we'd stay amicable, right?"
Even is suddenly annoyed. How dare Isak say out loud exactly what Even was thinking? He has a ridiculous urge to just stand up but that would definitely not be a mature thing to do. So he sighs and stays in his place, nodding reluctantly.
He tries to focus on the waffle discourse again as it's still not solved and Sana joined it, siding with Jonas and Mahdi and the whole problem is kind of ridiculous, really, but there are so many worse and more serious things to argue about than if they should go eat some waffles in a restaurant in London or not.
"They are the weirdest" Even hears someone say and is surprised when he realizes it's Isak. Unlike the words he used, there's a fond expression on his face which shouldn't be a surprise because Even's sure Isak loves his friends. Their friends. Even's the only person he's got a problem with.
"True" both the word and small chuckle that come from his mouth are a surprise but for a moment Isak doesn't seem to remember that they're supposed to disagree. "That's what makes this trip interesting, though" he dares to say another sentence and watches Isak nod.
They both look at each other then and for a moment it's like they don't recognize the other person.
"What do you think, Even? Isak?" Adam asks suddenly and Even's no idea if they're still talking about the waffles or maybe there's a different discourse now. "Should we start sightseeing with breakfast or should we eat after that?"
Okay, another discourse, then.
"We should eat" he decides, nodding, because hey, breakfast is important. They definitely need energy so they can see all of the places.
As soon as the words leave Even's mouth, Isak says "I don't agree. I think that would be a waste of time and we'll eat more thanks to this."
Of course. Here they go again.
Even's not sure why he's even surprised - Isak never agrees with Even and that's a well known fact. It stopped being a surprise for him a couple of months ago.
If Even won't survive the trip, dies because of too much Isak, he's going to haunt Mikael forever.
They all keep on talking, no more fighting about food fortunately and then it's time to go to their cabins. Mikael falls asleep almost immediately but Even's not this lucky. He keeps thinking about today and everything that's going to happen and maybe it's also too bright in the room or something. He waits half an hour and then forty minutes and then he's walking out of his room because maybe a short walk in the cabins corridor could be a good idea.
"Even?" he hears and turns around quickly because come on, really?
His ears aren't lying to him, though, because there he is, leaning on the door leading to his cabin. He looks annoyed but somehow not with Even this time. Maybe annoyed is not a right word. Distressed?
Tired, Even realizes. It hits him then.
"You can't sleep too?" he asks Isak because now he remembers this time he found out about his insomnia. The one time they also were the only people who couldn't sleep.
That was like another century to him now, though. It was when the two of them were still completely friendly and Isak's smile was warm and Even thought that maybe-
"Yeah." Isak answers and Even loses track of his thoughts. He just nods and then he sees that Isak's not really looking at him and it's not like he usually does this, like simply Even's the last person he'd want to look at ever. It's more like he's embarassed. Which is weird. "You?"
The question confuses him and only after a moment he realizes what they were talking about anyway.
"Yeah" he admits and after that they both stay silent. It's a different kind of silence that there's usually between the two of them - not like when two people dislike each other and don't really want to talk. More like, an awkward one, when both people want to say something but don't really know what.
His eyes land on Isak's green ones and it's Even the first one who starts laughing. He has no idea why but suddenly this situation is ridiculous. The two of them, not even liking each other, standing alone in the middle of a quiet corridor, somehow having this one thing in common that they can't fall asleep. Out of any of their friends, it had to be the two of them.
Isak's not really laughing but he snorts too and then they're not talking again and Even's tapping his foot on the floor.
"Maybe I'll go now" Isak finally says, his hand in his golden curls in a nervous gesture and Even clears his throat because why is he looking at Isak's hair long enough to try to name the color?
"Yeah. I think I'll go, too" he offers, pointing awkwardly at the door or what he thinks is the door because he's still looking at Isak who opens his room carefully, probably worried he'll wake Jonas up.
"Uh, goodnight" he says and Even nods, saying the same thing.
Before he knows it, he's in his bed again and this time it feels like he's finally falling asleep. He can't stop thinking about their weird conversation, though. Was it even a conversation?
Even's not sure but then he's asleep which is probably a good sign. He'll think about it tomorrow. Or he won't. It's not like he just has to figure this out. It's just Isak, after all, right?