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Winn had remained in his sunken sofa crease for the last few hours, staring aimlessly at the tv screen as he played the same level of a video game he had finished a countless number of times before. His thumbs glided over the controller, barley thinking, as if the games pathway was implanted into his mind. There was no real enjoyment, rather it was just something to remove himself from the real world. He could’ve been on that date Kara had arranged right now but of course he backed out. Apparently sitting in his Star Wars pyjamas in a dimly lit room was the best way to spend a Saturday night.
All of a sudden Winn heard a familiar echoing knock at his door which snapped him out of his video game enduced trance. Allowing the chip crumbs to fall from his lap He dragged himself towards the door and opened it quickly to reveal a frowning James Olsen.
“Oh hey there.” Winn produced a sleepy smile as he ran his fingers through his hair. He didn’t even bother inviting James in, instead he just assumed that he’d follow like he always did. But instead he waited defiantly, leaning against the door frame, he seemed almost uncomfortable. Winn looked towards him with his brow furrowed and jaw clenched, trying to read exactly what he was thinking.
Before he could ask James spoke “ Weren’t you meant to be on a date tonight?” Ahh that’s what it was Kara had sent him round to give the disapproving look he was so good at. James was always the one that could hit his conscience the hardest. Something about James being disappointed in him made his heart wrench and feel guilt right in the pit of his stomach.
“ yeah I was but I told Kara I couldn’t go.” He looked down at his hands, bitting his lip slightly, he was a terrible liar. “I came down with a err bad cough.” He spluttered to add emphasis that he was in fact sick but it had little to no effect.
“That’s your excuse?” James raised an eyebrow whilst he shook his head and finally stepped in Winns apartment.
“You don’t sound convinced” Winn peered up and gave a small but cheesy grin. He could feel his nerves rile up as he began to twist his hands over each other, anxious. No matter what he said James was going to keep digging until he found out the real reason. He really needed friends who were more compliant and less Journalisty,Secret agenty.
“I would be if you hadn’t cancelled all those tinder dates too.”
“ Yeah well I guess good old Winn Schott isn’t ready for the dating scene.” His nervous laughter was becoming more apparent he tried to swallow it down.
“Are you still hung up over Lyra? Dude it’s been over for 6 months.” James looked rather disgruntled, Winn wondered why he seemed a little on edge. He put it down to a bad work day.
“Well it isn’t exactly like my dating history is perfect.” Winn sighed as he stumbled over to the sofa trying to avoid eye contact. He knew that as soon as he started to look into James’ eyes he would get lost and all sorts of conflicted feelings would arise. Now was really not the time. He pushed back heavily on the sofa, James drew slightly closer as he recollected his thoughts, Nerves still chewing away at him.
“I mean things broke off between me and Lyra when she smashed a bottle in my face and came far too close to using It on more than one occasion." Winn heard James mutter something along the lines of sorry, he hadn't told anyone why he ended things with Lyra until now. But he pretended he hadn't noticed James trying to speak. "And then after things ended with me and Siobhan she threw Kara out of the window and became a super villain. Oh and I dated this guy called Steven in college, he was a complete asshole and tried to get me thrown off my course. That was fun.” He chuckled at his own despair. Laughing was his favourite and only coping mechanism.
“In fact the only relationship that ended on a good note was with Kathy Plumber in 2nd grade. We dated for 4 days and she still invited me to her birthday parties after.”
Although Winn tried to keep smiling but it was hard to. As soon as his grin started to crumple James noticed. He analysed his expression and shook his head a little, knowing that it wasn’t a thing Winn could really laugh about, no one could truly laugh about any of that.
“ You didn’t deserve anything that happened to you in those relationships Winn. You didn’t deserve the abuse or the manipulation. You deserve to be in a happy, healthy relationship.” He paused. “ Please, You need to believe that for me.”Winn could hear the emphasis, how much this meant to James which made his heart seem lighter, somebody cared. He gave a small nod of reassurance. James sighed deeply. “And for your own sake dont give up on love.”
“Well it’s pretty hard not to.” Winn blurted out allowing his beaten heart to lead the way. James’ face was painted with a broken expression, Winn hated seeing him in almost despair over him, he wasn’t worth James’ time. Or anyone’s time. James was trying so hard and he was just being an ass.
“Well maybe don’t give up on it just yet. Give it one more date, this guy that works at Catco Kara set you up with She says she knows him really well and that .. .”
“He’s kind and has a really good heart and that we will instantly click blah blah blah.” Winn could feel himself becoming almost hysterical. He wanted to go on this date he really did. He wanted to be happy and in love again "But I’d rather not take the risk."
He could feel James’ eyes on him and his own eyes sting. Suddenly he felt an overwhelming cloak of sadness fall over the apartment. He had to clear his thoughts to both himself and James.
“It’s just what if I actually fall for this guy? Like actually fall in love with him? And he doesn’t feel the same way. That he just sees me as a quick hook up or just doesn’t care about me as much as I do him. Or I get to know him and he gets to know me for it to only end a week later. What if he's abusive?." His voice cracked at this point "What if he breaks my heart or with my luck my tibia.”
James looked solemn and disconnected. He raised a hand and brushed it over his mouth, Winn watched intently not seeing the point of hiding his face anymore. Suddenly James’ demeanour changed as he stood up straight and smiled a little to himself.
"Winn what if I can promise you this relationship won’t end that way. That this guy won't treat you badly, hurt you.“
“Pffft James you can’t promise that.” He let himself laugh once again realising things were getting way too deep for a guy with Storm Troopers on his pants. Although the laugh was so pained that he could feel the warm tears rise up inside him. He swallowed. “I’m just going to stay out of the dating game. Go Han Solo.” Winn screwed up his eyes and cringed a little. “As in the Solo part not the being stabbed by my emo son and falling to my death.” His instant embarrassment almost replaced his heart ache completely. He produced a weak smile and whispered. "I'm Okay James."
Shaking his head slightly James beamed at Winn which in turn made Winn’s heart melt. He didn't want to put any more pressure on Winn, he was already so torn up about the situation.
“ If that’s what you want to do it’s ok, Just know that I’ll still be here when you’re ready.” Without a second thought, unaware of what he just said, James began to manoeuvre towards the door.
"You’ll still be here?” Winn titled his head in confusion, James made a mistake right? Just stumbled over his words, it was common enough an action. However James came to a sudden halt and turned slowly. Winn watched as James’ Adam’s apple bob whilst he gulped trying to regain his confidence. It was a slip of the tongue, he didn't mean to drop himself into the situation, not yet anyway, but it wasn’t a mistake.
“ Yes me, Winn." All of his emotions arose within just 3 words. He tried his best to play it cool, make it no big deal "who did you think Kara set you up with Sam from accounting.” James said in a somehow sarcastic yet kind tone.
Suddenly everything that was said and done within the past 10 minutes hit Winn all at once. The caring speech, the reassurance of the date being good, the lingering looks, the pleading eyes. How could he be so stupid.
“ I didn’t think you….” he stuttered whilst he came to a further realisation “Wait you and Clark?”
“It was only for a few months but yes me and Clark.” James chuckled at his fond memories. But Winns eyes simply lit up not just at the fact James dated The Superman but also because James wanted to date him too. His heart skipped a beat. James wanted to date him.
“I didn’t know. And I didn’t know I was meeting you… if I had known I was meeting you….I’m so sorry.” He allowed for the words to trip and spill over his tongue.
The emotions that Winn had kept locked up for so long came pouring out. He had convinced himself he never wanted to go on a date again. Not after everything that’s happened but James, James was different. Whether it’s because deep down he’d always loved him but been too afraid to admit or because he knows James so well after all those nights in the van they spent together, Winn didn’t feel apprehensive in the slightest. In fact he felt safe at the thought of being in a relationship with James. Someone who he trusts his life with, someone who he knows cares about him, someone who wouldn't hurt him. Someone Winn could actually see a future with, who he can trust and care for without a second thought.
But then suddenly something dropped in the pit of his stomach. He’d spent the last 10 minutes talking about how he didn’t want to be in a relationship and now he’s been presented with one he truly wants to be in. How Convincing will it be for James if he says yes, will he just think he’s saying yes because he feels obliged? Because that was in no way the case.
“It’s ok Winn. I understand why you don’t want to date right now.” James paused but looking mournful rather than relieved. Winns face dropped,Feeling the tiny spears sticking into his heart already . “I Just want you to know that it was my idea so don’t blame Kara for any of this and that I care about your happiness more than anything else so if you need some time I will wait for you.” James’ eyes dropped down as he shoved his hands into his pockets clumsily.Then he twisted his mouth slightly “But if you don’t feel the same way that’s fine too..”
Winn chewed on his bottom lip for a moment. James wanted to date him. James was his blind date. He let the facts buzz through his head connecting his thoughts and feelings one at a time. His palms began to sweat as he felt the moment slipping away from him. James would soon be out of that door and he may never find himself in a relationship that he can honestly say that for once doesn’t worry him in the slightest.
“James wait.” He shouted, voice cracking. James whipped back round to face Winn “ I think the cinemas still open if you want to go … together. Like together, Together.” James’ smile grew brighter than Winn had ever seen before as he shuffled forward.
“ If you don’t want to do this don’t feel like you have to. You did say you wanted to go solo literally 2 minutes ago.” James trailed off allowing his eyes to flicker away just encase Winn suddenly changed his mind. Still smiling all the same.
However Winn simply gazed at James and grinned. His heart has been broken and beaten so many times in ways even he knew he didn't deserve. Yet he could suddenly feel it begin to heal just at the prospect of this relationship.
Letting the warmth fill his heart for the first time in what seemed forever He finally whispered
“Someone also said to me to not give up on love and I think I’ll follow his advice.”