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They're in bed when it happens. Even has just woken Isak up from his nap with dozens of kisses all over his face, making him blush and squeak like a little mouse. Isak's head is resting on Even's chest, while his fingertips slowly trace imaginary lines on his skin. It's peaceful and quiet in their bed – sometimes, Even likes to call it «our lil nest».
Something's off, though. You can almost taste it in the air. It's the huge weight settled in Even's stomach, that's making his mind blow with swirling thoughts and emotions and words wordswordswords words-
«Evi?»
He comes back to his boyfriend with a fake smile that doesn't even reach his eyes. Isak can see right through it.
«Is everything okay?»
Now or never
One minute at a time
His throat dries and he can't breathe. He meets Isak's eyes for a second, before turning his gaze to the furthest wall of the room.
«Even,»
Isak is calm, but firm. Solid. Like always.
«Ehm,» he tries, then closes his eyes. He takes some deep breaths, trying to slow his racing heartbit. When he pries his eyes back open, Isak is there staring at him in awe, with a look that Even can only identify as pure love.
God, I don't deserve him.
«I'm gonna tell you a story,» he starts, looking into Isak's beautiful green eyes «It's called “The boy who once did weird stupid stuff and then regretted it badly”. You see, this boy had always been a bit weird – but never too much, you know? Like, he had the right amount of weirdness. Anyway, one day he started doing things weirder than usual. A lot weirder, like trying to kiss his incredibly religious best friend and reading the Quran in Arabic cause cause he was rejected and now hated himself. He also posted some things on a popular social media, and kind of destroyed his entire reputation. But then he woke up – or maybe he finally fell asleep? Only it wasn't a normal sleep (nothing had ever been normal with that kid). It was a bottomless ocean kind of sleep, a black hole, and he just fell deeper and deeper in the dark, and nothing had sense anymore. So...»
«So?» Isak whispers, finally breathing out the air that got stuck in the middle between his mouth and lungs. Even turns his face away, closes his eyes once again. Breathe in. breathe out. One minute at a time.
One word at a time.
«...So he tried to kill himself.»
Silence.
The silence settles in like dust, covering every surface, turning Isak and Even older with its grey snow. It's heavy, and horrible, and Even feel that dreadful little monster slowly crawling back into his heart, his mind, his soul-
«What about now?»
Isak's voice almost startles him. He looks back at his boyfriend, brows furrowed.
«What?»
«What about now?» Isak repeats «You said that he tried, that means that he didn't succeed. So what about now? Did he manage to forgive himself? Is that wonderful boy happy?»
Even stares into Isak's eyes, taking him in. he just stares.
Fy faen.
«The happiest.»