Work Text:
In the drawing room of the Spades palace, nobility of all ranks clustered around the table where the King of Spades and the Queen of Hearts were locked in a long-winded poker match.
Alfred watched Kiku closely, for any sign of uncertainty or hesitation on his features. As usual, he failed to read the expression in his dark eyes.
Half of it was luck, half of it was Kiku’s incredible poker face. Alfred was sure that was the strategy that allowed Kiku to win over and over. Yet, there was something in him that didn’t mind losing. There was something exciting about watching Kiku peer at him slyly over the top of his cards, like he had all the answers. When Kiku concentrated seriously, it was like nothing else mattered. Watching him counting cards in his head, but with an impassive expression on his pretty face, was mesmerizing. Alfred himself was so focused on gazing at him that he barely paid attention to his own cards, until Kiku laid his hand face up on the table.
Four sevens to Alfred’s three of a kind. Alfred sighed in defeat.
“What do I owe you now?”
“One million gold pieces exactly.”
Alfred winced. While he was distracted, Kiku had been bleeding him dry.
A hand fell on his shoulder, and Arthur’s voice was by his ear.
“I think now is a good time for me to stop you from embarrassing yourself any further.”
“He’s been lucky. Give me a break,” Alfred said.
“I’d be more lenient if you won more often. As it stands, you’re losing too much to justify playing anymore.”
“I can still redeem myself.” Alfred gestured at Kiku to deal again. “One more round.”
“You’re on a losing streak, Alfred, don’t kid yourself,” Arthur said.
“I don’t want to forfeit and lose money.”
“That’s how these games go, oftentimes. Give it up.”
“Hold on,” Alfred said, pushing him aside and gesturing at Kiku. “I have an idea. What if I could get rid of my debt another way?”
Kiku considered this a bit before nodding.
Alfred continued, “Two weeks from now, it’ll be summer, and I’ll be hosting the Solstice festival then. You know the archery contest at the end of the festival? It’s just a friendly competition between nobles. No one takes it that seriously. I would totally have a chance at winning.”
“Perhaps,” Kiku said.
“So, if I win the contest, you have to forgive my debts. If I lose, you can double my losses.”
“You mean when you lose,” Arthur said, cutting in and dampening Alfred’s excitement by trying to be realistic. “You certainly won’t win against the current competition on the roster.”
“Way to have faith in me.”
Arthur shook his head. “What is it with you and your chronic inability to think before rushing into a decision? It’ll take a miracle for you to win. You might as well pay Kiku what you owe and be done with it.”
“The contest isn’t for another two weeks. I’ve got time to practice.”
“You know you’re nothing special at shooting.”
“No one’s anything special at shooting, compared to you.”
Arthur’s face brightened in understanding. “Ah! I see what you’re saying. You want me to take your place?” He turned to Kiku. “May I enter in his place?”
“No,” Alfred said. “This deal is between me and Kiku. Besides, you’re too good at archery. The odds would be on your side.”
“Is that not what you want?”
“It would not be fair to me,” Kiku said.
Arthur scoffed. “And challenging someone with mediocre shooting abilities to win a contest against the best talent in the lands is fair?”
“I’m not mediocre,” Alfred protested.
“I understand your concern,” Kiku said. “But if Alfred believes it is a fair deal, then that is settled.”
Alfred frowned at Kiku. “I didn’t say it was a fair deal.”
“See?” Arthur said.
“Arthur’s right,” Alfred said. “I’m not the best at archery, so the odds are stacked against me. I’m raising the stakes. If I win, you’ll have to give me something else in addition to forgiving my debts.”
“What would that be, Your Majesty?” Kiku asked, tilting his head to the side in interest.
Alfred looked at him seriously. “A kiss.”
The entire room went quiet.
“You certainly didn’t think long about that,” Arthur exclaimed. “Why a kiss?”
“Since Kiku has a better chance of winning, I’m asking for something outrageous, but that I still really want. Just in case I do win.”
Kiku shifted bashfully in his seat. “How would I kiss you? On the cheek?”
“Full on the mouth. With tongue.”
“You’re such a child,” Arthur said.
Kiku turned away in disgust. “I will not go around kissing anyone like that.”
“Not just anyone,” Alfred said. “You’ll have the privilege of kissing me, when I win.”
“Some privilege…” Arthur muttered.
“When you win?” Kiku said. “You sound so sure of yourself.”
“I got you to agree to kiss me. I’m already winning, as far as I’m concerned.”
“I agreed to nothing.”
“Come on. Is selling a kiss as a prize beneath your dignity?”
“No.”
“What’s the matter, then? Are you afraid I’ll win?”
“Hardly.”
“Then you have nothing to lose by promising one little kiss.”
Kiku eyed him warily. “You’re much too confident.”
“You are scared,” Alfred teased, leaning further over the table. “How can you tell I’m not just psyching you out?”
Kiku continued to quietly observe him. His eyes sparked with intense emotion, and Alfred could finally tell what he was feeling. That cockiness; that excitement to compete was plain on Kiku’s face. Finally, Alfred had given him a challenge.
“Very well,” Kiku said. “I accept.”
When the room cleared out for the night, Arthur pulled Alfred aside to speak to him.
“Tell me honestly, is this really about the money?”
“To be honest? No.”
“I knew it. You used the money as an excuse. As the means to another end.”
“Smart, right?”
“Not even remotely. You made an unnecessary bet just because you don’t have the balls to ask him to kiss you outright.”
“I think he would turn me down if I asked outright.”
“So instead, you’re going to all this trouble for a single kiss?”
“Is it that obvious? The kiss is supposed to seem like a tacked on part of the deal rather than the main draw.”
Arthur rubbed his forehead. “I’m always astounded by the lengths you go to make things more difficult than they need to be.”
“Maybe I wanted a challenge. It makes the win even sweeter if it was hard to achieve.”
“Alfred, two weeks of archery practice are not enough to guarantee a win. How do you plan to get your kiss if you can’t outshoot your competition?”
Alfred scratched his head. “I’m still working on that part.”
The night before the contest found Alfred pounding on the door of a rickety wooden hut in the middle of the Spades forest. As Arthur had anticipated, practicing hadn’t yielded the results he needed, so Alfred had turned to his last ditch effort: magic. Under cover of night, he had snuck out to the home of a reclusive sorcerer to see what could be done for him.
“You need to help me out!” he called.
“I told you, I don’t take walk-ins,” a muffled voice replied from inside.
“Come on,” Alfred said. “I’m the king. You can’t just tell me no.”
“Sure I can, when you come to my door at four in the morning begging for a spell.”
“If you cast this spell for me, there’ll be a lot of money in it for you.”
“I don’t want your money. The bounty of the forest sustains me.”
Alfred smiled thinly. “This forest is on my property. Maybe you can use the money to buy the acreage you’re illegally living on.”
Immediately, a panel in the door opened, and a pair of red eyes fixed Alfred with a scowl.
“Alright, alright, you don’t have to threaten me. I’ll listen to your problem. It must be good, seeing how you rode all the way out here to ask for my help.”
“It’ll be worth your time,” Alfred said.
“Well?”
Alfred lowered his voice. “See, there’s this contest I need to win…”
The Spades gardens had been turned into a makeshift arena for the festival. Alfred came down from the stands and greeted his competitors. The other participants seemed intrigued when they saw how confident he was, as he had never competed before. The onlookers in the stands seemed to be torn between morbid interest and polite exasperation. Word about the bet had spread beyond the drawing room, and the audience members had been discussing his alleged chances of winning. Alfred could imagine that after every “good luck” he was wished, a “this idiot is going to lose so badly” followed. Little did they know…
While the other competitors warmed up, Alfred wandered over to the Hearts monarchs, who were sitting side by side in the stands overlooking the left side of the field. He leant over the back of Ludwig’s chair.
“Hey, Ludwig, you know about our bet, right? The one between me and your queen?”
“Pay your debts, you fool,” was Ludwig’s gruff response. “Why did you agree to something you know you’re going to lose?”
“I owe Kiku so much money, I thought it was worth a shot.”
Ludwig didn’t react to the joke. If anything, his frown deepened.
“I don’t envy your cavalier disregard for caution and sense,” he said. Then he turned a questioning look on Kiku. “For that matter, why did you entertain such a silly bet?”
“The odds are in my favor,” Kiku said. “Is that not a reasonable excuse?”
“He thought it would be funny to watch me lose,” Alfred said.
Kiku didn’t try very hard to hide his smile behind his sleeve. “On the contrary, it would be a pity if your shameless begging for a kiss were for nothing.”
“Are you saying you hope I win? If you want a kiss so badly, just say so.”
He tried to lean in, but Kiku pushed the tip of his fan under his chin and held him at bay.
“I think you overestimate yourself, Your Majesty.”
Alfred smiled. “We’ll see about that.”
As the host King, Alfred was designated as the first contestant to shoot.
The crowd was quiet as he raised the bow, drawing the string back to his cheekbone. He released it with a twang, the motion flicking his bangs aside. The shot ended with the point cutting through the center of the painted canvas target like tissue paper. Just like he had expected.
The surprised gasp that arose from the spectators as they watched the arrow dangle from the dead center of the target gave way to applause.
Alfred rubbed his eyes and blinked out the sun. The arrow was still in the center.
He looked to the Hearts’ stands, where even the Queen of Hearts was leaning forward in his seat and applauding politely, trying to not look too impressed. Alfred looked to the other side of the arena, where a black-cloaked figure was lurking, half hidden behind a tree. The Joker gave him a thumbs up.
Off to a good start.
During all this congratulating, Alfred remembered he was supposed to look surprised as well. He turned to the other contestants and shrugged.
“Lucky shot?” he said, and that seemed to satisfy their curiosity.
As the next contestant stepped up to take their shot, the wind suddenly picked up.
Hats were blown off heads as a strong breeze swept through the stadium. It started gusting intermittently, blowing the arrows off course. One after the other, the contestants’ arrows struck the target, but none could beat that first shot.
The Hearts monarchs could not believe what they were seeing, but of the two, Kiku was arguably the most irritated.
“Now you think he’s humorous?” he muttered at Ludwig, who was trying his best not to start laughing.
“The situation is humorous,” Ludwig said. “I’ve never known you to get so agitated over a friendly competition.”
“This is not simply friendly. My dignity is on the line.”
“I told you not to agree to a silly bet.”
“It’s too late now.”
Ludwig folded his arms. “I think it’s impressive. How he left his fortune to chance and has managed to win.”
“He has not won. I refuse to believe he will.”
“Feliciano is the last contestant. Do you really think he’ll manage to outshoot the King of Spades?”
“He must,” Kiku said.
Before Feliciano could exit the stands, Kiku caught him by the arm.
“Do not let him win.”
“Ah, I wasn’t really going to try very hard,” Feliciano said. “I’m just doing this for fun.”
“I will not kiss him in front of all these people. Do you understand?”
“Giving him one kiss doesn’t seem so bad.”
“Do you want to die?” Kiku asked, and glared at him so seriously that Feliciano whimpered.
“I-I mean… I won’t let you down.”
“I am glad to hear it.”
With Feliciano’s loss crowning Alfred the winner, the crowd was in an uproar, and Kiku could not be any more mortified. Feliciano scampered back over to the Hearts monarchs, where Kiku was rubbing the bridge of his nose.
“Sorry, sorry! Thinking about how you said you would kill me made me nervous, and the arrow slipped. I’m so sorry! Are you mad at me?”
Kiku sighed heavily, and kept his face turned away so he wouldn’t have to see the King of Spades beckoning for him to give him a kiss.
Despite the resounding victory, and the anticipation of a long-awaited kiss, Alfred’s triumph was not long-lived. A different ruckus started up in the Spades stands, behind Alfred’s back. The arena suddenly grew quieter, punctuated with gasps and the occasional shout. Alfred saw Kiku look towards the concentrated source of the excitement.
Just as Alfred started to turn around to see what had caught everyone’s attention, he heard the thwack of another arrow hitting the target. The result was devastating. Someone else’s arrow had split his own, carving it to splinters. The remains of his winning shot now dangled pathetically from the target.
Alfred followed Kiku’s gaze, and saw Arthur up in the stands, lowering a bow. With all attention focused on the archers, no one had noticed him taking up his own bow from the sidelines.
The crowd erupted in renewed applause, but not for Alfred.
If Alfred never participated in the competition because of his mediocre skill, Arthur never competed because his skill with a bow was disgustingly impressive. Yet, now of all times, he had decided to upstage everyone. Including Alfred, who watched, bitter and confused, as Arthur strode onto the field amidst cheers.
Quickly, Alfred snapped out of his daze and ran up to him. Accusations were already pouring out.
“B-but-- you… I won!”
“You thought,” Arthur laughed, poking him in the chest with the tip of his bow.
“What the hell? That’s so unfair! You know you’re way too good at archery for anyone to want to compete against you.”
“Well, I wasn’t going to participate initially, but I changed my mind.”
“Why? I had a good thing going!”
“You certainly did.”
“Seriously, Arthur, why’d you steal my thunder?”
Arthur levelled his gaze with Alfred’s.
“Because I want the kiss.”
“What!?” Alfred said, his protest swallowed in the excited laughter that erupted from the crowd at Arthur’s assertion. He grabbed Arthur’s shoulder.
“No, no, no! That kiss was for me. You aren’t part of our bet! You can’t just take what Kiku promised me!”
“He promised a kiss if you won, which you didn’t. Also,” Arthur paused, lowering his voice. “Magical interference? Shame on you.”
“What are you talking about? I was just lucky.”
“I see the Joker standing right behind that tree, you idiot.”
“Oh.”
Arthur began tapping his foot.
“You have two options: quietly accept that you lost, or have the whole arena listen while I reveal you cheated. Think of it this way: what’s more pathetic? Just being upstaged, or being revealed as a cheater?”
Knowing he was cornered, Alfred grudgingly accepted his defeat.
Up in the stands, Kiku watched their conversation. Satisfaction slowly came over his features at the realization that Alfred did not win after all. Arthur smiled and extended a hand to him.
“Now, if the Queen of Hearts is willing,” he said.
Still blushing, but rather more relieved now that he did not have to kiss Alfred, Kiku walked onto the field to meet Arthur.
“Of course,” he said.
He could not resist giving Alfred a smirk and watching his face fall in disappointment. Alfred had been so close to getting what he wanted, and so eager to gloat about it, but it had all been for nothing. What a shame.
Despite his shyness, Kiku was fine with kissing Arthur. They got along well, and Arthur was arguably less annoying than the King of Spades. He took Arthur’s offered hand, and leant in. Forgoing modesty in the wake of his triumph, he gave Arthur a lengthy, open-mouthed kiss, mostly just to show Alfred what he was missing. On Arthur’s part, the kiss was returned enthusiastically, for the same reason. Alfred looked stunned. He was so envious; he couldn’t tear his eyes away. Kiku reveled in his close victory.
Looking dazed and short of breath, but happy with his prize, Arthur strode back past Alfred.
“Better luck next time,” he said.
In addition to the kiss, Arthur also took the prize money he was entitled to. On the way out of the arena, Alfred saw him discreetly hand it to the Joker.
“Thanks for cutting down the competition. Not like I would have lost, anyway.”
The Joker pocketed the money without complaint. Alfred scowled at him as he passed by. The Joker just shrugged and said, “I didn’t expect him to come out of nowhere any more than you did.”
After the event had ended, Alfred caught up with Kiku.
“I guess this means I’m not indebted to you anymore? You let Arthur snatch my kiss, so he must be following the rules of our bet.”
“Your Queen has graciously won the contest for you,” Kiku said. “So you owe me nothing.”
“I’m sure you’ll find a way to lure me into more debt before the end of this week.”
“You do it to yourself, Your Majesty.”
“You’re the one beckoning me over to play cards all the time.”
Kiku gave him a coy glance. “I know a reckless opponent when I see one. Make an effort to refuse me once in a while. Restraint is a virtue.”
Alfred scuffed the toe of his boot on a flagstone. “You know, I’m kind of glad I lost this contest. In a way.”
“Why?”
Alfred worked his mouth a bit before he admitted, “I’m not the type of guy to cheat to get what I want.”
“You cheated?”
Alfred smiled wryly. “You didn’t seriously think it was luck that I won? Anyway, I got to thinking, and I wasn’t satisfied with pretending to be better than I am. Arthur at least earned that kiss, you know? Even if I had won, it wouldn’t feel right. You weren’t excited about it. You had to do it because you lost. It was almost like a punishment. It’s not as satisfying if you’re not swooning and begging for a kiss. …Not like you swoon or beg, or anything.”
“But you’ll undoubtedly try to make me do so anyway.”
“I’m sure I can find something you can’t resist about me.”
Kiku turned his smile at the ground.
“I admire your persistence.”
“Yeah?”
Kiku nodded. “Nothing is impossible to you. For better or for worse, your energy is endearing.”
Alfred blinked. “Where did that come from?”
“What?”
“When have you ever complimented me and meant it?”
“Oh,” Kiku said. He turned away, but Alfred had seen that he was blushing. “Perhaps I’m being too honest.”
“You can just come out and say you like me. I don’t know why else you would put up with me.”
Kiku’s hands had drifted to cover his cheeks. “Ah, no, it’s more complicated than that.”
“I get it. You’re attracted to what’s inside, too, not just my extremely handsome face.”
“You assume such embarrassing things,” Kiku muttered into his hands.
Alfred shrugged casually. “It’s just a matter of time before you admit your undying affection for me.”
Kiku lifted his head abruptly. “Your Majesty, it is late. I would like to retire.”
“Good idea. Mull over your feelings about me in bed. I’m sure you’ll come up with some fun ideas.”
“Good night, Alfred.”