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Clarke was playing with the food on her plate, trying to think about something to say to the brunette in front of her, but nothing seemed to be interesting enough. She took a glance at Lexa, who was more intrigued by the people around them than by Clarke. To be fair, the restaurant Clarke had picked was jammed tonight, to such an extent that the blonde couldn’t hear her own thoughts, because of the noises of chewing and conversations that were surrounding them. Clarke continued to observe her girlfriend, who was looking at everything but her. She had noticed something was off with her during the first few weeks they started officially dating each other, so she had decided to take her out on a date in a restaurant.
“So how do you find your meal?” Clarke asked, trying to appear comfortable. She knew the brunette wasn't eating much of her dish, but she couldn’t let the silence install itself between them.
“Good.”
That was all Lexa said before looking at the waiters’ round dance again.
Clarke’s face contorted in a sort of grimace, but she didn’t say anything. She wanted to ask if the girl was okay, if they were okay, but she didn’t have the courage to do so. Instead she continued to play with her vegetables, and occasionally looked at Lexa when she wasn’t paying attention, which happened 90% of the evening.
“How’s your project going by the way?”
She tried to play it cool, but she couldn’t help smiling when she saw a glow in her girlfriend’s eyes. She'd succeeded to draw her attention back to her, which wasn’t a foregone conclusion these days.
“Well it’s kind of hard these times, but Costia helps me a lot with all the work I have to do.”
“Oh that’s great.”
Clarke faked enthusiasm, because she knew she couldn’t show the excessive feeling of jealousy that was rising in her chest. She knew she had to be irreproachable after all the things that had happened between them the last few weeks. Otherwise, she couldn’t help the bitter taste in her mouth at the thought of Costia spending time with her girlfriend. The girl had been everywhere Lexa had been, and it had started to disturb Clarke. Like a lot. Besides, the girl seemed to be the only one that could bring a smile on Lexa’s face without it being chased by a frown a few seconds later, which had just happened.
Clarke tried to make small talk again, but to no avail. They spent the evening in silence, Clarke mostly thinking about what she had done wrong. At the end of the meal, she went to pay the bill while Lexa was waiting in front of the restaurant’s door. Once she had paid the check, she headed toward the door and opened it for her girlfriend, who thanked her in a whisper.
They walked quietly in the night, the noises of their steps echoing in the streets. The air was cold outside, due to the winter and to the soft wind blowing in their direction. Lexa was shivering; she was wearing a small coat above a dress, and it wasn’t enough to prevent her from being cold. So Clarke did what she would always do: she stopped Lexa by pressing her hand on her arm. The contact made Lexa jump as if she was completely out of the real world. Clarke tried not to feel hurt at the thought of Lexa being disturbed by her touch. She removed her coat quickly and extended it to her girlfriend, who looked at her as if she was coming from another planet.
“Take it.” she said sternly.
The brunette still was looking at her with wide eyes, and didn’t make a move to take the coat.
She noticed the way the brunette was staring at her weirdly. “Lex, you’re shivering.” Clarke added, this time more tenderly.
Lexa looked at Clarke’s eyes, then at the blonde’s hand, which was holding the coat.
“Oh.” she grabbed it and looked curiously at Clarke. “Do you want mine?”
“No, thanks. Keep it on yourself, you’re going to freeze if you stay like this.”
“But you’re going to be sick.”
“Don’t worry about me Lex, I’m not cold. Besides, we’re not too far from the bus stop.”
“What?” Lexa furrowed her brows. “You won’t take the bus now. It’s way too late for that!”
“I know that, but I can’t waste my money in a cab.” Clarke merely replied.
“You’re going to sleep at my place and you don’t have a choice. Now let’s go I’m freezing.” The brunette stated before walking again.
Clarke chuckled and couldn’t help but beaming internally at the thought of sleeping at Lexa’s apartment. She hadn’t been invited in for a while now. Truth be told, she and Lexa didn’t have been intimate since before their last argument, and the blonde couldn’t say she wasn’t craving the contact with her girlfriend. Maybe that was Lexa’s way to tell her that she was ready, even though she was a bit scared after what had happened between them. Clarke didn’t know, but she knew that coming back at Lexa’s was a big step forward for their relationship. She walked with a grin plastered on her face, and she took a look at Lexa from time to time, only to see that the brunette was already looking at her with a lopsided smile.
Clarke’s heart beat frantically in her chest. As they were walking side to side, she moved closer to Lexa, making their hands almost touching. She had the impression that it was their first date again, with Clarke trying to calm her nerves when Lexa seemed completely oblivious at the debate that was happening in her head. Their hands were now an inch apart, Clarke concentrating on the next move. She approached her hand carefully, not daring to touch Lexas, but in the same time hoping that a miracle would happen and that Lexa’s hand would be mysteriously in hers. After a few seconds of debating in her head, she made the decision to break the last centimeters between their hands. As she was going to do so, Lexa surprised her by taking her hand and lacing their fingers together. The brunette didn’t say anything, even when she felt Clarke sweaty palm against her own.
They reached the apartment Lexa shared with her sister in a record time. The two girls stopped in front of the door before the brunette opened it slowly, careful not to make too much noises to avoid waking Anya up. They removed their heels before entering, and made their way to Lexa’s room. Clarke could feel her heart beating in anticipation. She hadn't planned the evening to work for her when Lexa just practically ignored her at the restaurant. She was standing in the middle of the room, waiting patiently for God knows what. Lexa was looking at her with furrowed brows and pouty lips, as if she didn’t know what they were doing either. Clarke tried to appear at ease, as if the situation didn’t make her more uncomfortable that she ever thought she would be in her life. She ruffled her hair, trying to gain some confidence and to give herself composure. The movement made Lexa smile; it was the smile Lexa made when Clarke did something she found cute. Clarke knew that. She knew that because she knew Lexa by heart. The simple gesture made her think that maybe it wasn’t over between them, maybe her fears and worries weren’t justified, maybe Lexa still loved her.
She didn’t make the first move though. She couldn’t find the strength to try something only to be rejected by Lexa later on. It was as if she knew that if she didn’t play her cards well, she would lose the only person she had ever loved. Lexa slowly removed the coat Clarke had given her and put it on her desk. After that, she moved toward the blonde with hesitant steps, while looking straightly in the blue eyes that nobody except her could read and understand.
Clarke was still standing straight on the spot, this time with her girlfriend in front of her. Lexa moved even more closely, to the point that only an inch separated them.
Clarke’s heart was dancing in her chest. Here she was, about to be kissed by the most beautiful girl she had ever dreamt of. Lexa, her Lexa, was making a step toward her for the first time since they got back together after what happened because of her stupidity. Clarke was in a haze, as if her brain had decided to stop working. She saw Lexa’s eyes moving from hers to her lips, then to her eyes again, but she couldn’t do anything about it. The old Clarke, the self-confident Clarke would have jumped on the occasion to kiss the brunette. But now, she felt as if it was impossible for her to try something like that. As if she had lost the right to touch the brunette wherever she wanted. It bothered Clarke a lot, but she knew she was walking on eggshells with Lexa since she got her back, so she wouldn’t do anything stupid now. Especially when the brunette was making a move toward her.
The first touch was careful, as if Lexa was testing the water before jumping into it. The second one was more confident and stronger, the brunette pressing their lips together with more conviction. Clarke moaned more at the sensation in her chest than the one on her lips. It had been too long since she last touched Lexa in this intimated way. Way too long since the brunette last showed her she cared about them. They separated, leaving some room for Clarke to change the angle of the kiss before it started again. The exchange heated up quickly. With each nip on the lips, the other would answer with a quick caress on the other’s tongue. During these few seconds, minutes or hours - Clarke didn’t know at this point- they were back. They were Clarke and Lexa, the two girls who fell deeply in love with each other. These thoughts, added to Lexa’s behavior, gave Clarke some strength to act a bit more like her dominant self. She moved them toward the bed, making Lexa sit on it. The brunette gripped her by the arm before falling on the bed and taking the blonde with her.
They kissed again, this time with another purpose, at least on Clarke’s side. The premed student was craving for Lexa’s lips, skin, all of her. She wanted all of it to make it up for far too long weeks apart. She put heated kisses on the brunette’s neck, nipping at the girl’s pulse point. She left kisses along her way as she got down just above the girl’s cleavage. At this point, Clarke’s body was burning with desire. She followed her instinct, a primal desire lightening all her senses, and traveled her hand on the brunette’s body as she kissed the skin in front of her. Lexa was moaning and panting beneath Clarke, making the girl even more confident about the next move. She lowered her hand between Lexa’s thighs, and as she was about to touch the girl’s center, she felt Lexa tensing suddenly before she grabbed her arm. She stopped her motion to look at the brunette, who had opened wide eyes and was looking at her with a strange look on her face.
“I’m not ready, Clarke.” It was a huge blow for her, which must have been visible as the brunette released a shaky breath and added: “Not yet.”
Clarke wanted to scream. She wanted to ask Lexa when she would be ready, if she would ever be in fact. She wanted to know what she had to do so they'd go back to what they used to be. Instead, she only nodded and moved herself onto the side. Both of them were facing the ceiling, their chests rising quickly due to their previous activity. Tears were starting to form in the blonde’s eyes, because she didn’t know what to do. She felt powerless in this situation, because everything was in Lexa’s hands, and that it seemed the brunette wasn’t as willing as her to continue their relationship where they stopped it. She felt like a fool for believing that things were moving forward for them, that Lexa and her could start again without the brunette being distant after what she had done to her. She knew she could sound selfish, but she couldn’t help it. She wanted Lexa, she needed her. When she first met her, Clarke learnt that she had never lived before Lexa. When she first kissed her, she felt like it was her first kiss all over again. When they made love for the first time, she felt like she was a virgin again because there was no way she could have felt something like that before.
Clarke could feel her heart suffering in her chest. The organ was used to agonize from Lexa’s aloof attitude, but this, this was a shock it wasn’t ready to endure. She felt as if she had been stabbed in the chest in one powerful thrust, but still had to act like she was okay with it. Because it was Lexa, and because she deserved that after making the brunette suffer for months of secret. So Clarke laid there without saying anything, enjoying the last moment she was sharing with Lexa before she would kick her out. She didn’t want to go but she assumed the brunette would want her to, so she tried to prepare herself for the incoming pain that was threatening her poor heart.
Instead, she felt hair brushing her shoulder and soft curls tickling her neck. The brunette didn’t look at her when she put her head on her chest. Clarke’s tired heart started to beat again and the blonde relaxed at the gesture. Lexa was making a step toward her, she was making an effort for them and it was enough for now. If she had to multiply the love gestures and show how much she cared about the brunette she would do it.
Clarke never learnt how to repair something she broke, but the blonde was more than willing to do so.
***
It was lunchtime and she was eating at the cafeteria with her friends. Raven and Octavia were arguing about something Raven posted on snapchat as usual. Clarke’s friends weren’t oblivious persons, but sometimes she wondered if they really paid attention about her feelings. For the eighty-ninth time – yes she counted – in four days, she was thinking about what happened at Lexa’s place. How Lexa ignored her, then made a move on her and rejected her in the end. It was a pattern that was happening a lot between them now. Lexa would always pass from cold to warm in a matter of minutes, and Clarke was starting to think that maybe their couple wouldn’t make it. It was that exact moment Lexa chose to enter in the cafeteria.
It was exactly like these romantic movies, when the school's most beautiful girl walked in the place while the nerdy guy looked at her drooling all over his pants. Lexa was wearing a casual outfit which perfectly hugged all of her attractive features. She was walking as if she was an angel flying in the room, her chestnut curls moving in the light, brightening everything on her path.
Clarke was so into the spectacle that she didn’t notice Echo looking at her with a lopsided smile.
“You’re okay, Clarke?”
“Hum.” she replied absentminded.
Raven and Octavia stopped fighting to giggle at their friend’s dazed. Clarke was completely and irremediably in love with Lexa Woods. She was seeing her like she was the most perfect creature she'd ever laid her eyes on, feeling like the whole world also stopped to look at this divine beauty. But as in these movies, Lexa wasn’t alone. Clarke’s main rival was in her way to conquer the brunette’s heart: Costia. She clenched her jaw at the way the dark haired girl put her hand on Lexa’s arm and seemed to tell her the best joke ever judging by the way the brunette was laughing.
She had never wanted to kick someone’s ass more than this Costia girl's. Although she would have totally kicked her own ass after what she had done to hurt her girlfriend.
“Oh, here’s the girl I wooed last night.” Echo stated lightly.
“Who?” Octavia asked genuinely, interested in her friend’s sexapade.
“The girl next to Clarke’s girlfriend, Costia I think.”
These words made Clarke get out of her Lexa bubble.
“You fucked Costia?”
“Yeah. She’s good but boring as fuck.”
Raven chewed on her sandwich. “How someone can be both good and boring in this kind of stuff?” she asked with a full mouth, projecting crumbs all over the table.
“Ray!” Octavia whined loudly.
Echo chuckled and answered. “She couldn't stop talking about the crush she had on a mysterious girl who wasn’t available.”
“Which girl?” Clarke asked, her brows furrowed and worry plastered on her face.
“I don’t know, she didn’t tell me. Do you think it’s your girlfriend?”
“No, I don’t think so.” Raven snapped quickly.
She didn’t want Clarke to worry even more about the girl that was spending so much time with her girlfriend. But it was already too late, the blonde was completely panicked at the thought of Costia being in love with Lexa. She looked at the brunette with powerless eyes, waiting for a sign that this wasn’t true. She could see how Costia gazed at Lexa, how she devoured her with her eyes, how she touched her every now and then for no apparent reason. She could see all of this, and couldn’t help the sharp waves in her stomach from moving and trying to reach her chest. She was won over by jealousy, her hand contracting onto the table’s edge. She was trying to keep herself from punching the dark haired girl that was treading on her toes. At this point, even her friends wouldn’t be able to reassure her, the blonde being too far gone in her head.
As she was walking, Lexa looked at her. She seemed to see something was wrong because she raised one eyebrow. Clarke composed herself and made a small smile, which seemed to convince her girlfriend enough, as she threw a small smile back before sitting, her back directed at her. Costia made a weird face but didn’t say anything at the gesture, which angered Clarke even more. She observed the girls' exchanges during the whole lunch, the blood in her hands long gone since she was gripping the table with an incredible strength.
Her friends tried to talk to her, to change her mind, but nothing could remove the image of Lexa cheating on her in the blonde’s head. Because what if? What if Lexa had made a decision but didn’t want to break her heart? What if Lexa was with Costia and she didn’t have the courage to tell her? What if the brunette had stopped their make out session because she didn’t want to cheat on Costia? Deep down, Clarke knew that Lexa was courageous and strong enough to tell if something like this happened. She knew these questions were just made by her paranoid brain just because she was afraid since Finn cheated on her and Raven at the same time. But she couldn’t help it. For weeks, she had felt like shit because of the brunette’s behavior, she didn’t have any hope to hang onto. She was alone and yes, she knew Lexa was testing her, she knew the brunette was wondering if their relationship was worth it, but Clarke couldn’t help it, she was utterly jealous and their situation wasn’t going to change that fact.
She wanted to erase the images of Costia kissing Lexa, of the brunette smiling and whispering sweet words to the other girl, of the dark haired girl fucking her girlfriend. So she raised from her chair, making it squeal on the floor, which attired a lot of people’s attention including Lexa and Costia, before leaving the cafeteria with angry steps. She didn’t know where she was going until she reached the stadium. She sat in the bleachers and took a deep breath. The university’s soccer team was training and Clarke chose to focus on them instead of her problem. She didn’t know how long she stayed alone before Lexa came and sat next to her. They stayed in silence, before Lexa broke it.
“Clarke?”
The blonde didn’t respond, too angry with the images that were filling her head to bring herself to answer. She was playing with her hands, trying to compose herself before having to talk to the brunette. Lexa sighed and stopped the movements she was doing by lacing her fingers to hers carefully.
“Are you okay?”
Clarke took her time before speaking, she was pondering what she was going to say. And what was she going to say? 'I’m wondering if you’re still in love with me?' 'Do you still want to be with me?' No, she couldn't do that. She was too afraid to do so, even though it would be a deliverance for her and maybe Lexa too. Instead, she opted for staying in silence for a while, enjoying it and Lexa’s presence against her.
“Clarke, are you okay?”
Clarke looked at her green eyes shining in the light and shook her head.
Lexa bit at her bottom lips. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing.” she replied evasively.
“Clarke.” Lexa sighed, squeezing her hand in the process.
“Are you still in love with me?” Clarke blurted out, turning her face to watch her girlfriend’s reaction.
The brunette was taken aback by her question; she really wasn’t expecting Clarke to say that, so she couldn’t help herself when surprise was written all over her face. The blonde wanted to erase this moment from her life and run away from the girl next to her.
“You know what? It’s stupid, you don’t have to answer.” she started getting up.
Lexa grabbed her hand, making her sit again. The brunette looked at her with worry in the eyes.
“Of course I am, Clarke.”
The blonde’s heart beat eagerly in her chest, the organ pulsing quickly at the thought that Lexa was still in love with her. Hope was rising in her chest, accompanied by a warm wave in her stomach. She could take that and stop there, but she needed to tell what she had on her mind.
“Then why are you like this with me? You told me you had forgiven me and I know you need time, but don’t you think it’s a bit harsh for a punishment?”
Lexa sighed deeply and released the blonde’s hand. “I’m not punishing you, Clarke.”
“Then why are you acting so distant?” the blonde asked with her brows furrowed. “I don’t understand.” she added, looking at her feet.
“You can’t ask me to forget what happened in the past months. I suffered a lot because of you…” Lexa stated, looking at Clarke.
“I’m sorry.”
“I know that but-”
“It’s not enough I know.” Clarke sighed.
Lexa nodded. Clarke knew they needed to put their cards on the table if they wanted to be normal again. But the next subject was more taboo than before, and she didn’t know how to approach it. So she did what had worked for her previous questioning: boldness.
“Do you feel attracted to Costia?”
“What?”
She saw in Lexa’s reaction that the girl was completely oblivious at her questioning, but she couldn’t help it, she had to look deeper into the brunette’s eyes to be completely reassured.
“I see the way you are when you’re with her, and Echo said she has a crush on a girl that is unavailable.”
“So what, Clarke? Because I’m friendly with a girl means I’m cheating on you? Because Costia might be attracted to me means I’m going to dump you for her?”
“Is she?”
“What?”
“Attracted to you?”
“No. I don’t know, but I’m not. Isn’t that enough?” Lexa looked at Clarke expectantly.
“It is, I guess.” Clarke played with her fingers again.
Lexa knew Clarke’s fear of being cheated on again. She knew the deep wound Finn left to the blonde. She knew that Clarke tended to be irrational when it came to infidelity, so she tried to be careful with her words.
“You know I wouldn't do that to you, right?”
“Yeah, but-”
“There’s no but Clarke, it’s between you and I, it’s us, and nobody’s interfering nor will interfere.”
The blonde looked up from her hands and gazed at Lexa with reassurance in her eyes, though Lexa could discern fear in the blue pearls she loved so much. They stared at each other’s eyes for a while, their souls silently talking before a whistle interrupted them. They started to look at the tracks, watching the athletes running and panting in the cold air.
“What do I have to do?”
Lexa turned her head toward Clarke. “Maybe stop being an asshole and be yourself. Bringing me to a fancy restaurant won’t make it easier to go back to our dynamic.” the brunette stated sternly.
“But it was on that night that we almost…” Clarke couldn’t hide the surprise in her voice.
“It happened because I felt like you were back.”
Clarke furrowed her brows. “Like I was back?”
“When you gave me your coat even though you were cold, I saw that you cared and, you asked me about my project.” Lexa rambled.
“Of course I care Lexa! I just…” she paused. “I don’t know how to show it to you.”
“I’m not asking you to impress me, I just want you to be honest with me and to start acting like the real yourself.” She took a deep breath before speaking again. “The Clarke I fell in love with made a wall painting of me. The Clarke I fell in love with was chivalrous and funny with me.”
Clarke wasn’t expecting that, she didn’t think Lexa would feel that way about her. She thought the issue was coming from the past and not from the past and the present.
“I thought that you would want to go out with me, because we couldn’t do that when we were together. That’s why I brought you to this restaurant, and if it was “fancy”, that's because I want to give you the best. Look, I know I’m not perfect and I know I messed up big time for a while, but I’m really trying to make amend of it. I…” Clarke cut herself as realization hit her. “So you’re not ready because you feel like I’m taking you for granted?”
Lexa nodded slowly. She stayed in silence before speaking her mind. “Sometimes love isn’t enough, and maybe…maybe we should stop.”
It was as if she received a punch in the gut. Clarke was internally gasping for air. It was as if her heart had been ripped from her chest and thrown on the tracks where all the runners were crushing it. She was so shocked, it was impossible for her to show correctly the distress she was feeling.
“What? No, no Lexa. I swear I’ll do anything for you!” Clarke was agitated, afraid at the idea of Lexa breaking up with her. “Give us a chance, please!”
“I gave you chances Clarke. I feel like I spend my time doing so.”
“Please you know it’s untrue! I love you, I can’t live without you, we’re made for each other and you know that!”
Her heart beat erratically in her chest. Even though she knew she deserved it, she couldn’t help feeling miserable.
“I don’t know, Clarke. I’m tired of this.” tears started to form in the brunette’s eyes. “I love you but…” Clarke placed her hands on Lexa’s face. “You hurt me.”
Seeing Lexa in pain like this made Clarke’s heart break again. Tears slid on the blonde’s cheeks, falling on her shirt and wetting the fabric.
“I’m so sorry. I know I don’t deserve you, you’re the most amazing, smart, beautiful person I know.” she put her forehead against Lexas. “I’ll do anything in my power to prove you that what I feel for you is real but please, please give me a chance, Lex. And if you don’t want to, I’ll leave you. I swear I won’t ever cause you pain again, you deserve to be happy even if it’s not with me.” She took a shaky breath, looking straight into Lexa’s green eyes. “I’m so sorry.” she sobbed again.
Lexa took her time, staring at the blue eyes she loved so much, and nodded carefully. Clarke felt like she could breathe again. She smiled widely and kissed Lexa strongly on her lips. “I love you.” She started sharing an intense look with the brunette. “I promise you won’t regret it.”
***
Clarke had prepared everything: the art room was cleaner than ever and there were candles all around the room, making it brighter. She had put a tablecloth on two reunited tables and set the table for two. The meal she cooked was ready to be served after she microwaved it in the cafeteria to keep it warm. She had run though, to be sure the food was still hot when she disposed it in the room. Clarke knew it was her last chance to prove Lexa their couple was worth it, and she couldn’t help being incredibly nervous at the thought. The brunette was near to come, and Clarke felt more and more anxious because of it. At this point, she didn’t know if her idea was a good one. Organizing a date in the art room was something she thought was nice, but she didn’t know if it would please Lexa. Even though it was the evening and all the classes were done, it was still a date in the art room. Clarke was counting on the fact that Lexa was sentimental and would appreciate she paid the caretaker so that he would let them occupy the room where their story began.
She looked at everything in the room to check if everything was in place, adjusted the cutleries for the thousand millionth time, and tried to fix her hair. She was trying to decide which hairstyle would be better between one with a strand of hair behind her ear and one with it in front of her face. She was thinking deeply about it when Lexa entered in the room. She didn’t notice the brunette at first, too focused on her appearance. It was when Lexa coughed to draw her attention that she looked up from the glass she was using as a mirror.
“Hey.” she stuttered, making Lexa chuckle lightly. All Clarke wanted to do was to face-palm and dig herself into a hole but she couldn’t do that. Instead, she just stared at Lexa dumbly, not knowing what to say nor do. The girl was beautiful, as always, with her hair cascading over her shoulder and deep green eyes sparkling with the candles’ light.
“You’re… wow.” Clarke couldn’t find a word to describe the effect the brunette had on her. She thought that when Lexa would come she'd be less anxious and more composed, but she had forgotten a little detail: Lexa’s charisma.
The brunette chuckled again, checking Clarke out before speaking with a teasing tone. “You’re wow too.”
Lexa’s answer made Clarke smile and relax immediately; the brunette always knew how to talk to her. She gestured the brunette to enter, making it easier for her to see the small decoration she had put in the room. Lexa’s eyes brightened at the vision of all the candles spread all around her. Clarke beamed internally, knowing she had marked a point with the candles. She walked slowly toward Lexa and extended her hand to her, who took it with a small smile. She guided her toward the table and released her hand to let the girl sit down. When Lexa was about to sit, Clarke reached for her seat and helped her like the gentlewoman she was.
“Thank you.” Lexa said softly, looking at Clarke with a smile.
Clarke’s heart beat in her chest, her blood pulsing in her veins, making it complicated to keep calm. She put the plates containing their meal on the table and removed the aluminum foil she had put on it before leaving the cafeteria. She let Lexa admire her work and made her way to her chair before sitting on it.
The plate was filled with Lexa’s favorite dish: Clarke’s version of spaghetti bolognese. Lexa licked her lips absentmindedly while looking at her plate. Clarke chuckled and opened a bottle of wine before pouring its content in their glasses.
“Bon appétit.” Clarke said with a lopsided smile.
Lexa barely answered, she didn’t wait any longer and started eating greedily. Clarke was watching her sternly, trying to figure out if the brunette was enjoying her meal. It was only when Lexa moaned in appreciation that Clarke relaxed and started eating as well. For a while, the only sound in the room was them chewing their food.
The plates were so full that they needed to slow down to guarantee they would finish it. Clarke took this opportunity to reach for the brunette’s hand and intertwined their fingers. She started to caress the brunette’s hand tenderly with her thumb; alternating the speed in the round pattern she was making.
“So, how was your day?” Clarke asked awkwardly.
“We’re really doing that?” Lexa asked teasingly.
“Doing what?”
Clarke couldn’t help feeling completely lost at the brunette’s reaction.
“Small talk.”
The reply made Clarke chuckle. “I don’t know, it was the first thing I could think about.”
“How’s that?”
“Well you’re here.” sensing that what she said was really awkward, she added: “I mean you’re spending the evening with me.”
“You’re cute when you’re flustered.” Lexa stated with a smile.
“I’m not!” she exclaimed, making Lexa raise one eyebrow. At this point, there was no reason to deny it, so she opted for honesty. “Okay maybe a little.”
Lexa smirked and turned their hands over so hers was the one above, before caressing the blonde’s hand slowly. Clarke couldn’t help the goofy smile that appeared on her lips at the gesture. They stayed like that for a while, talking about everything and nothing with the small physical contact between them. At one point, Clarke moved her hand softly, signaling to Lexa that she had to release her so she could move. The brunette obeyed, not without pouting though, making Clarke’s heart swell. The blonde stood up and removed their plate. Then she opened a small cooler she had brought there and took two plates with a slice of chocolate cake in it. She put the first plate in front of her girlfriend, watching her reaction. Lexa smiled intently at the plate, and looked up to gaze at Clarke fondly. The blonde smiled too, knowing all too well that she had made a perfect score with the menu.
She sat down and waited for Lexa to start eating so that she could start too. The brunette took her first bite and once again closed her eyes, moaning in pleasure. The sound made Clarke blush, and when the brunette opened her eyes again, they both shared a look. Lexa’s ears tinted in red, while Clarke tried to think about something else.
“It was delicious, Clarke.” Lexa said while wiping her mouth with a napkin.
“Thanks.” Clarke replied, trying to sound the most casual possible although she was beaming with pride inside. “So I was thinking… maybe we could watch a movie now?” Clarke said with a smile while putting away their plates and the table.
The remark made Lexa laugh, and the brunette looked all around the room for a television or any devices with a screen. When she saw none of it, she cast a glance at Clarke.
“Don’t tell me we’re watching a movie on your phone, Clarke.”
The blonde looked up from the task at hand and smiled.
“Patience, Lex.”
Once she had finished, she made her way toward her bag, that was sitting on a near chair. She opened it to find her laptop and quickly turned the device on. She put it on a table and connected it with wires that were linked to a projector. When she did, her laptop’s screen displayed on white wall in the room. Lexa hadn’t noticed when she had entered, but the blonde had removed all the drawings that were hanged on it.
“What type of movie do you wanna see?” asked Clarke, wanting to fully please her girlfriend.
“A horror movie.”
Clarke raised her eyebrows. “Really? I thought you’d want to watch some rom-com or comedy.”
“Who do you think I am?” Lexa asked cockily.
“A girl afraid of scary movies?”
“I’m not afraid, I’m a badass.”
“Sure you are.”
“Shut up.”
Clarke scrawled Netflix, trying to find something good, and after deliberating for a few minutes, they both opted for the Cold prey trilogy. Clarke paused the movie and moved the two tables so that they wouldn’t hide their vision. Then, she went to the storage room where she had stocked a big blanket with several pillows. She put it on the ground before putting the pillows on it. Lexa crawled on the blanket, adjusting the pillows so they had a comfortable cloud behind them. During this time, Clarke went in the storage room again, bringing another blanket lighter than the other with her. When she came back, she saw that Lexa was already in position to watch the movie, her hair cascading over the pillows. She stopped in her track, the vision making her smile. She started the movie and laid down next to the brunette while putting the cover over both of them.
As the movie began, Lexa put her head on Clarke’s shoulder and her hand on the blonde’s belly, grabbing her shirt in her fist. Clarke chuckled at the gesture, knowing Lexa was readying herself for the incoming scary parts. The blonde moved her arm behind the girl’s head, using this old technique to be even closer than before with Lexa.
They watched the movie in silence, Lexa jumping at every noises and Clarke holding her tightly against her. The blonde couldn’t help smiling goofily during the whole movie, as she was casting glances to Lexa from time to time, which didn’t get unnoticed by the brunette.
At one point, Lexa even managed to fall asleep, making it easier for Clarke to look at her instead of the movie that she, to be honest, wasn’t watching the whole time.
***
Clarke was in the library, making her way to the table her friends were occupying. She was thinking about her date with Lexa, date that had clearly been amazing and that she couldn’t stop thinking about. The beginning had been complicated as they were both shy and anxious about the turn of events, but the meal and especially the movie contributed to break the ice that was forming between them. They cuddled during the whole movie and even after, and took this opportunity to talk and laugh as if they didn’t know the weight of the evening.
Clarke: Hey, I’m at the library, I was thinking we could see each other after we're done revising. :)
Clarke: But it’s only if you want, I’m not imposing on you!
Bae: How do you know I’m revising?
Clarke: Because I know you?
Clarke: Or maybe because I saw your beautiful face when I entered?
Bae: Haha, okay why not? My beautiful face will be waiting for yours.
Clarke smiled dumbly at her phone before being interrupted in her Lexa daze by her friends.
“What’s up Clarke? You seem happy today.” Octavia stated, casting a glance to the blonde before looking at her book again.
“Yeah, your face is less tensed than usually.” Raven added with a smirk.
“Have you finally wooed your girl?” Echo asked with a grin matching Raven's.
“Shut up.” The blonde replied, sitting on the chair next to Echo.
“So?”
“If you want to know, I had a date with Lexa the other night, and I’m going to have another one tonight.” Clarke answered with a beaming smile to her friends.
They all stopped what they were doing and looked at Clarke expectantly.
“What?” the blonde asked, surprised by her friends’ behavior.
“How it went?” Raven asked, placing herself as the spokesperson of the three girls.
“It was amazing.” Clarke paused with a dreamy face. “I felt like we were back before everything went wrong. I know it’s not enough for, you know, going back to our dynamic. But it was the biggest step we've made after I wasted everything.”
“Don’t be so hard on yourself, Clarke.” Echo stated with a worried look.
Raven and Octavia were looking at each other, Octavia biting her bottom lips while Raven was playing with her fingers.
“No, I deserve it, I was selfish and cruel with her. She doesn’t deserve to be treated like this, she deserves to be treated like the queen she is, and I’ll do everything in my power to show her how much she counts for me.”
“Aaaw Clarkey's in love.” Echo stated with a grin, looking at Raven and Octavia.
The girls were still looking at each other with guilty plastered on their faces.
“Of course I am, who wouldn’t love Lexa?”
“Practically the whole university?” Echo replied with a lopsided smile and a raised eyebrow.
“That’s because you don’t know her like I do.”
“Maybe because you’re the only person she opens herself to.”
The remark made Clarke smile. After this little conversation, she started focusing on the stuff she had to do before seeing Lexa. She worked hard, not giving herself time to breathe. Clarke was the top of her class, and although the girl had facilities, she didn’t make it without working so far. She wanted to make her mother proud and even more her father, who died in a car accident last summer. His death affected Clarke a lot, making life almost unbearable for her. His death was a subject she never broached with anyone, neither her mother nor her friends. She knew Raven and Octavia knew, but she couldn’t bring herself to talk about it, it would make it too real. Instead, she acted as if everything was fine and poured all the sufferance in her painting. Indeed, she had experienced a dark period where all her paintings were made with dark shadows and pain. It lasted a few months before Clarke’s world went upside down when she saw the most beautiful angel that was Lexa. Not only the brunette was beautiful, but she was smart, funny, gracious and so much more that she couldn’t help falling for her. Still, she was afraid. She had suffered too much from her father’s loss and her ex-boyfriend’s cheating. She wasn’t brave enough to put her heart on the line, not when she had so much to lose.
So she tried to push her feelings away by being mean with the brunette. It started slow at first, but she couldn’t help it. Lexa was Lexa, and the more time she spent criticizing her, the more she was falling for her. Her friends noticed how being mean with Lexa seemed to help her getting over her father’s death. So they did what they thought would be good, they encouraged the blonde’s bad behavior by doing the same, and quickly things escaladed.
Clarke started painting more often, with bright colors and new shapes. But there was always one thing that would return: green. Time made Clarke’s wounds heal, and the heart that was bleeding before opened itself to keep a soft place for the brunette with glasses and green eyes to die for.
The blonde closed her book and gathered her stuff then put in her bag.
“You’re leaving us, Clarke?” Echo asked with a grin.
“Haha how funny of you.” Clarke replied, faking a laugh.
She raised from her chair and put her bag on her left shoulder.
“Have fun Clarkey!” the three girls cheered in unison.
“Stay out of trouble” Raven added with a smirk.
“Yeah, yeah, I have to go bitches. Bye.”
With that, Clarke pushed her seat and made her way to her girlfriend, who was now sitting with Costia next to her. She hesitated a moment, contemplating the idea to go back to her table, but she didn’t want to. She had to make some effort to show Lexa that she cared about her ,and it started with introducing herself to her friend Costia, even though she thought the girl was trying to steal her girlfriend.
“Hey.”
“Clarke.” Lexa said with a voice that was screaming 'what are you doing?'
The blonde looked around herself. She didn’t expect Lexa to react like this. She contemplated jumping in the opened window to run away from the library, but she quickly composed herself and spoke again.
“I wanted to say hi.” she said, smiling at the brunette. She then turned her head toward Costia and extended her hand. “I’m Clarke by the way.”
“I know who you are.” Costia replied sharply. She didn’t even bother to take the blonde‘s hand but instead focused on the book she had in front of her.
“Wow okay.”
Clarke was a bit taken aback by the girl’s behavior. She didn’t see that coming, so she stayed dumbly on the spot. When Costia noticed that Clarke was still standing astonished next to her, she spoke up.
“Look, I don’t know what Lex likes about you, but your charm's not working on me. Unlike her, I would never have forgiven you just so you know.”
“I’m happy you’re not her then.” Clarke snapped back.
She definitely didn’t like this girl, who was attacking her for no reason. Well she had some reasons, but she had no rights to be that mean to her, especially in front of Lexa. Clarke felt like she had to show her dominance over that Costia girl, but she didn’t do it. Because that would be stupid and selfish and wouldn't help her prove her point. Besides, Costia wasn’t that wrong, and Clarke knew Lexa wouldn’t like her being mean at her friend, even though the say friend wanted to have her way in her pants. So Clarke took a deep breath and tried to relax before she did something bad.
Maybe it was the way she clenched her jaw or the way a vein started to pulse on her forehead, but Lexa seemed to notice her irritation and interrupted the soon-to-be fight.
“Please girls, calm down.”
Clarke looked at Lexa and saw her desperate, so she tried to keep it cool.
“That’s okay, Lex. She’s right anyway.”
The sentence made both brunettes look at her with wide eyes and mouths agape. Clarke turned her head toward Costia again and looked at her straight in the eyes.
“I know I don’t deserve to be forgiven, but Lexa chose to give me a chance and I'm not wasting it. I’m more than willing to repair what I’ve broken because she’s the most perfect thing that happened in my life. I know it sounds cheesy as fuck and maybe it is for you but not for me. Lexa means the world to me and I’m trying to make things right because I love her more than I will ever love someone. So please, I’m asking you to give me a chance to prove you that I can be the perfect girlfriend for Lexa.”
Costia listened carefully and cast a glance at Lexa, who was looking fondly at Clarke. The blonde didn’t see Lexa’s reaction, she didn’t dare looking at something else than Costia. She was waiting for the brunette’s reply, because she knew she had to take the first step toward the girl to have a chance to get Lexa back.
“Okay.” was all Costia said.
Clarke felt as if the weight of a building was removed from her chest. She was so afraid Costia would be negative toward her. Lexa gathered her things quickly and put it in her bag with a small smile on her face.
“Thank you.” Clarke said sternly. She still hadn't removed her gaze from Costias, and wasn’t willing to do so. She knew there was an implicit dialogue between the two of them at the moment, and she couldn’t bring herself to weaken.
Costia nodded. “If you hurt her again, I’ll kill you.”
Clarke opened her eyes widely, and as she was going to answer, she felt Lexa’s hand on her arm.
“It’s our clue to leave, bye Costia.” Lexa said in a hurry before rushing them out of the place.
When they reached the outside, Lexa released Clarke’s arm.
“Was it really necessary?”
“What? You didn’t like my effort to know your friend?”
Clarke was really surprised by Lexa’s reaction. She thought the brunette would like her effort to make her intention clear in front of her friend.
“No, I was talking about the whole 'Lexa is mine don’t you dare try to make a move on her' thing.”
“I’ve never said that!” Clarke exclaimed, trying to defend herself from the fake accusation.
“Oh please don’t lie to me, Clarke! You were saying it with your eyes!” Lexa replied with a chuckle.
“I-well…” the blonde stuttered.
Clarke’s lack of answer made Lexa laugh again. “Anyway, where are we going?”
Clarke looked at the brunette and replied. “I thought we could go to the park, I found a cool spot a few days ago.”
“M’okay.” Lexa said before extending her hand for Clarke to grab it.
The gesture made Clarke smile widely, which Lexa didn’t miss. The blonde laced their fingers and they headed toward the park. During the small walk, they talked about their classes and the exams that were coming rather quickly. Clarke wanted to talk about a more romantic subject, but she didn’t know how the brunette would react to it, so she continued talking about trivial things.
They reached the park, their hands still connected, and Clarke felt her heart pang in her chest. She was excited to spend some time alone with Lexa. Although they had rough time, she liked the brunette’s company more than anything.
“So where’s this cool spot?”
“It’s a bit far away from here, but I promise you’ll like it.”
“I’m really curious about it now.” Lexa stated with a spark of curiosity in her eyes.
“Don’t put too much hope in it though.” Clarke replied, suddenly afraid Lexa would be disappointed by her discovery.
“Okay, so it’s cool but not that much is that it?”
“Yeah, you got it!”
Lexa chuckled while shaking her head. “Lead the way.”
They walked quietly, sometimes joking about a thing or two, but they stayed mostly silent as they were approaching the spot Clarke found out. They walked along an alley, when suddenly Clarke squeezed Lexa’s hand and moved them in a bush on the left side. They crossed it, Clarke making sure to hold the branches to avoid the green foliage to slap the brunette’s face. After a few tentative steps, they reached a kind of small clearing. They stopped walking, Lexa looking at everything around her. The nature was luxurious, and she was trying to see everything at once.
“This is…” Clarke was waiting impatiently for the brunette to continue her sentence. She was afraid Lexa didn’t like what she had in front of her, and quickly tried to think about a backup plan. “…beautiful.” Lexa finished.
Clarke released the breath she was holding and smiled widely.
“Yeah? You like it?”
“I don’t like it Clarke, I love it! How did you find this?”
“I wanted some time alone to think, so I went to the park and I don’t know why but I thought it could be a good idea to see what’s behind these bushes.”
Lexa only nodded, not asking Clarke why she wanted some time alone, because she already knew the answer. Instead, she walked toward the middle of the small clearing and sat on the grass. She waved at Clarke to come over, and the blonde obeyed quickly. Lexa put her head on the blonde’s shoulder, and the two of them enjoyed the silence and the occasional birdsong surrounding them.
“So…” Lexa started.
“Yes?”
“I’m the most perfect thing that happened to you uh?” Lexa asked with a cocky smile.
Clarke blushed intently. She hadn't paid attention to the brunette during her speech, so she hadn’t thought about Lexa’s reaction, and now that she was being confronted about it, she couldn’t help feeling uncomfortable.
“Of course you are and you know it.” she whispered slightly.
“I know, but it’s still nice to hear it.”
Lexa’s remark made Clarke feel even worse than before. Was she that selfish to make Lexa feel unloved? The thought made the blonde cringe internally, so she held Lexa tightly and pressed a kiss on her forehead.
“I have something for you.” she said, trying to avoid her voice to crack.
She opened her bag, and after having fumbled a bit, she found what she was looking for.
“Close your eyes.”
“Why?”
Clarke looked at Lexa with a stern look.
“Okay.” Lexa said, closing her eyes. Clarke passed her hand in front of the brunette’s head several time to check if she was indeed seeing nothing, and once she was sure of it, she put out a piece of paper.
“You can open them, now.”
Lexa did as she was told and opened her eyes to be met with a drawing of herself in a sleeping position. She cast a glance at Clarke and looked at the drawing again. She alternated between the two for a whole minute making Clarke starting to feel anxious.
“When did you do that?”
“When we were watching the movies, you fell asleep and I couldn’t help it. You were so peaceful and I-you…”
Lexa watched Clarke rambling fondly. “I love it, Clarke.” she stated with a small smile.
“I love you, Lexa.” Clarke replied immediately. “I don’t know how to express how you really make me feel.” Clarke’s blue eyes bored in Lexa’s green ones. “But what we have, this strong connection between us, it’s something I want to cherish and protect all my life.” Clarke took a deep breath and pondered her words before speaking again. “You saved me Lex, you entered in my life when I was at the lowest and you saved me. My dad…” her voice cracked automatically when she said the word. It had been so long since Clarke last used it. The blonde felt tears forming in her eyes as she tried to compose herself to find the strength to talk. “He passed away this summer and I…” she cut herself again, her voice betraying her like it happened previously. She couldn’t bear Lexa’s soft gaze so she looked at her hands. “I was suffering a lot because of it but…” with that Clarke looked at Lexa again. “I saw you and everything started to fall in place again. My drawings were vibrant and colorful and I was happy. So I know everything will be okay as long as I have you by my side if only you-”
Clarke never finished her sentence. Lexa’s lips were on hers, and she felt as if her body was being restarted. She wasn’t expecting this turn of events, so she let herself being kissed at first. However, when she finally realized what was happening, she composed herself and kissed Lexa back. Their kiss was soft and loving, Lexa careful as if she was trying to bandage Clarke’s heart with her lips. When their kiss subsided, Lexa pecked Clarke’s lips slowly and took her head in her hands.
“I’m sorry for your loss.”
Clarke only nodded before Lexa kissed her lips again, pouring what felt like a lot of love for Clarke in it.
“Thank you for telling me.” the brunette said, looking fondly at Clarke.
The blonde nodded again. She wasn’t feeling great, the wound still too fresh for her to handle. “Can we leave? I don’t feel like staying here.” the blonde replied awkwardly.
Lexa scanned her eyes and saw a lot of pain in it, but she didn’t say anything. Instead, she got up and extended her hand to help Clarke do the same.
After that, they started walking in the opposite direction they took to come, and carefully crossed the bushes. They made their way to the campus quickly, Lexa making jokes and starting conversations, which helped a lot to reassure Clarke. By the end they were the two usual dorks that were debating about whether or not in an apocalypse case they would be chosen to repopulate the earth.
“I would be the perfect candidate! I’m smart, talented and I could be used to create the next generation!”
“Oh come on Clarke, you really wanna be an alive incubator for big pervert mustachioed?” Lexa asked with a small smile.
“If it enables us to live why not? I mean, maybe it wouldn’t be that great, but with you by my side I could bear it.” Clarke replied with a grin.
“There’s no way I would let you be fucked by someone else, even if it was to save Earth’s destiny.”
Lexa’s statement made Clarke’s heart beat in her chest.
“Aaaaw how cute of you! But if we wanna survive, one of us would have to do it and I would rather be the one to endure that than having to see you suffer.”
“I would suffer either way, so we won’t be a part of the journey.”
“But…”
“That’s it, Clarke.”
Clarke laughed at Lexa’s statement, making the brunette shoving her lightly on the shoulder. They were so into each other that they didn't realize they had already arrived at the campus, until they almost entered in collision with a group of students. Clarke knew it was time to say good bye to the brunette, but she didn’t know what to do, so she simply waited for Lexa to do something.
“So, it was really cool today.” The brunette stated awkwardly, making Clarke realize that she wasn’t the only one that didn’t know what to do.
“Yeah.” The blonde replied simply.
She wanted to hit herself for being so nonchalant about this situation when the girl she loved the most was leaving after a perfect date. On the other hand, she had opened up herself to Lexa and told her things she had never mentioned before, even to her best friends, so she didn't feel comfortable enough to speak up her mind at the moment.
“See you next time.” The brunette said, pecking Clarke good bye and leaving quickly.
Clarke waited until the brunette wasn’t around anymore to make her famous victory dance, before making her way to her dorm.
***
Two weeks had passed since the conversation with Lexa in the clearing, and things were slowly moving back to normal. Clarke was currently in her dorm with her two best friends, who were having a conversation about the soccer team and Octavia’s last performance. It wasn’t that she didn’t like her friends, but she couldn’t help feeling incredibly happier when she saw that Lexa texted her. She tried to mask the grin on her face, but failed inexorably when she saw what the text was about.
Bae: Hey
Bae: Do you want to come over? Anya left an hour ago.
Clarke: Okay, I’ll be there in 15! :)
Bae: Okay! See you! :*
“What’s going on Clarkey?” Raven asked with a smirk, emphasizing the nickname she knew the blonde didn’t like. However, Clarke was so ecstatic at Lexa’s last text that she didn’t pick it up and started to shove her phone in Raven’s face, making the girl grumbling.
“What did Lexa say?” Octavia asked while reading a magazine.
“She wants me to come over!” Clarke exclaimed with a huge smile.
“Oh.” the brunette said clearly surprised. “Did she tell you why?” Octavia asked, her full attention now on Clarke.
“No, I mean she only said that Anya wasn’t there. Why? Do you know something?” Clarke asked, slightly worried at Octavia’s reaction and Raven's guilty face. She started to feel something was wrong, but she couldn’t pinpoint what exactly. Maybe Lexa wanted to tell her something bad, maybe Octavia and Raven already knew what it was but didn’t want to tell her not to hurt her feelings.
“No, no, it’s just curiosity.”
The answer didn’t satisfy Clarke but she took it anyway.
“Okay, well I’ll go.” she grabbed her stuff and opened the door. “Bye girls.” she didn’t wait for their responses and closed the door.
During the walk to the brunette’s apartment, the blonde’s head was filled with dark thoughts. Was Lexa going to dump her? Or worst, had the girl met someone else? Had Raven and Octavia done something wrong to her girlfriend again? Clarke was preoccupied by what was going to happen when she would see Lexa again. She was now in front of the girl’s door and pondering if it really was a good idea to come. She didn’t have time to find the answer, as the door opened suddenly, reveling the brunette she loved the most. Lexa was casually leaning on the doorframe, wearing her usual studying outfit: sweatpants, a top with her hair tied in a messy bun and her glasses on. Clarke couldn’t help thinking that Lexa was the most beautiful creature she had ever laid her eyes on.
“I knew I heard you climbing the stairs.” Lexa stated with a grin.
The implication made Clarke blush. She knew she hadn’t been discreet, but to be fair Lexa lived on the 7th floor, and the blonde wasn’t the sportive type. Lexa waved her to come in and entered in the apartment, which Clarke did a few seconds later.
Lexa sat on the couch while Clarke closed the door behind her. The blonde walked in the apartment until she was in front of Lexa and the couch.
“You can sit you know.” the brunette said with a playful smile.
Clarke sat next to the brunette and smiled awkwardly. Lexa looked at her and caressed her leg while speaking.
“So what were you doing before I interrupted you?”
Clarke didn’t know what to answer, she was feeling uncomfortable at Lexa’s behavior. The brunette was kind and open to her, but she couldn’t help worrying about her friends’ reaction. She didn’t know how to feel with all of this, and it disturbed her a lot. Lexa didn’t seem to notice, as she pecked her slowly on the lips.
“I missed you.” the brunette whispered in her ear, making Clarke shivering.
Lexa seemed to enjoy the effect she had on her, and kept on whispering sweet nothing while kissing her in the neck. Clarke silently enjoyed the ministration and kissed the brunette back, slowly and lovingly, careful not to break the moment. However, things escalated quickly, Lexa now straddling her and kissing her with all she had. Their skins were burning with each contact, and Clarke couldn’t help feeling aroused at what was happening. However, she couldn’t bring herself to appreciate what was happening when all she was thinking about was that something bad happened. She couldn’t let herself being carried away, and gently pushed Lexa back. The brunette didn’t understand her reaction. She was panting and looking at her with a spark of pain in the eyes. Clarke couldn’t bear seeing Lexa like this, so she had to explain herself. But to say what? That she was worried because of her friends?
The spark of desire disappeared in Lexa’s eyes, and the brunette nodded slowly before moving from her legs. Clarke didn’t know what to do with herself, she felt like she had done something wrong, but at the same time she knew it was the best for them. If they wanted to build something solid, they couldn’t have sex when she didn't feel like doing it. They stayed in silence for a few minutes before Lexa took her place back on the couch. Clarke was even more afraid about the aftermath of what she had done – or more what she hadn’t done – until Lexa took her hand in hers and squeezed it for Clarke to look at her.
“Clarke, what’s going on?”
“Nothing.” Clarke replied almost too quickly, with an attempt to fake a smile.
Lexa looked at her with furrowed brows. “You know you can tell me anything, right?”
“Yeah.” the blonde’s voice escalated in its highest.
“So what’s going on?” she insisted softly.
“Raven and Octavia, they were weird before I came here and… I don’t know, I feel like something's going on but I can't pinpoint what.”
“I have to tell you something.”
Clarke’s eyes widen. “About what?” the blonde asked, completely scared by Lexa’s answer.
“About Raven and Octavia.” Lexa said, unfazed by Clarke’s reaction.
Clarke’s heart started to beat erratically in her chest. That was it, the moment Clarke feared was coming, and she couldn’t do anything about it.
“What did they do?” Clarke questioned more herself than Lexa.
“They came to apologize.”
The statement floated in the air, waiting for Clarke to catch up. Lexa stayed quiet, observing the blonde processing the information. Clarke felt as if someone had removed a huge weight that laid on her chest to knock her head with it.
“They apologized?” Clarke asked, making sure she had well understood.
“Yes.” Lexa replied with a soft smile. “They came to talk to me yesterday at the library. They said they were sorry for their behavior with me in the past months, and that I shouldn’t put all the guilt on your shoulders because they were the one to blame for their own actions.”
Clarke listened to Lexa carefully, completely astonished by the girl’s revelation.
“We discussed a long time about all of this, and it helped me a lot to understand more about all of your story.” Lexa trailed off. “Anyway, I’m not forgiving them for now and they know that, but they also know I want us to move forward. So maybe that’s why they were acting weird with you.” Lexa said the last part with a smile on her lips.
Clarke, on the other hand, was lost in her own world. From all Lexa had said, Clarke picked up one thing:
“You want us to move forward?”
Lexa only nodded with a lopsided smile.
Clarke couldn’t help the huge warm wave that spread into her whole body to nourish her heart, which was beating like never. She wasn’t expecting that turn of events, but she couldn’t be happier about it.
“So you've completely forgiven me?”
“Yes.”
The answer was enough for Clarke; she jumped from her spot and started kissing the brunette fervently. The brunette kissed her back almost immediately, and the two girls couldn’t help giggling when they fell on the ground because of Clarke’s excitation. Lexa was beneath Clarke, and the blonde took advantage of this position to have a hold on the brunette’s hands and kiss her neck. Lexa moaned at the gesture, and Clarke continued a few more minutes before stopping to look at the girl who stole her heart a few months ago.
“I love you.” She stated, staring at Lexa’s green eyes, which were shining with love.
“I love you too.”
Clarke made their noses bump and kissed the brunette softly on the lips before coming back to her previous action. She felt as if it was their first time again, and wanted to feel everything of Lexa at once. And judging by the way Lexa moaned approvingly at every move she made, she was more than encouraged to continue her actions.
“We should…” Lexa said between two moans. “bedroom.” she added in a breath.
Clarke nodded, and as she was going to carry Lexa to her bedroom, the two girls heard noises at the front door. They were startled, both stopping their movements as the door opened. In a second, Lexa jumped on the couch, while Clarke stayed on the ground dumbly.
“Lexa, I’m back!” Anya exclaimed, offering her back to the two girls.
She jumped back when she turned around, not expecting Lexa to be here and certainly not Clarke.
“Clarke.” She said with a stern tone, which was less aggressive than the day she advised Clarke to stop trying to come back in her sister’s life. The blonde noticed it and cast a glance at Lexa before replying.
“Anya.” She said, trying to play it cool when all she wanted was to run away from this girl.
The girl didn’t say anything after that, only looking at Lexa, who was looking back at her. The two sisters seemed to have a silent discussion that Clarke couldn’t understand. She was casting glances from Lexa to Anya during a whole minute when suddenly, Anya raised one eyebrow and made a lopsided smile. She broke her silent conversation with her sister to grab the two plastic bags that were laying on the ground and made her way to the kitchen. Clarke and Lexa heard her tidying things and looked at each other, a bit unsure about what was going to happen. After a few minutes, Anya came back and addressed directly at Clarke.
“So, I suppose you're staying for dinner?”
Clarke and Lexa were surprised by the question, but didn’t stay agape like before. They looked at each other with a matching smile on their faces. Clarke’s heart beat quickly as she was going to answer the girl she knew she had to prove her love for her sister. As she looked at Lexa, she knew she would do anything in her power to keep her in her life. Because Lexa wasn’t just a random girl she met at a party. No, she was the girl that helped her to gain back her confidence after what happened with her ex-boyfriend, she was the girl that gathered all the pieces of her being and helped her holding it together after what happened to her dad. She was the one, Clarke knew it, which was why she couldn’t help smiling widely when she answered:
“Yes.”