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i.
It isn’t Maxine’s first Christmas. But it’s Helena’s first Christmas with Maxine, which feels like a first Christmas in of itself.
Helena, the nanny Maxine’s parents hire when Maxine turns seven, is everything Maxine supposes a mother should be. She’s open and kind. She’s got cookies baking in the oven every time Maxine comes home from school. She scolds Maxine whenever Maxine acts out. She’s warm and loving. And Maxine never questions whether Helena loves her.
Maxine’s own parents were forgotten in the wake of Helena. Maxine’s friends began to refer to Helena as ‘your mom’. Maxine’s teachers deferred to Helena. And the parents in the community had long forgotten the two stiff people at Maxine’s kindergarten graduation in wake of the warm person who welcomed Maxine from school every day with open arms.
So when Christmas comes along and Maxine’s parents announce through email that they are heading off to yet another trip in Cabo, Maxine pays them no mind.
(Her real family is with her anyway.)
Helena, however, is scandalized. She murmurs under her breath for weeks about how Maxine’s parents are a disgrace and how she wished she could get them alone in a room for an hour. She settles down eventually determined to make it the best Christmas for Maxine (and she literally tells her so).
She throws herself into Christmas headfirst. Insisting that they go all out. “It is my first Christmas with you after all, ma chérie.” She says as they buy the entire stock of white Christmas lights from the grocery store.
Helena isn’t quite the religious type, which in Maxine’s opinion is a huge step up from Maxine’s previous nanny Josephine, who was a god-fearing catholic woman who dragged Maxine to mass despite her yet to be decided religious views. Helena’s version of Christmas mimics everything that Maxine had seen in movies. It revolves around tree trimming, gingerbread houses, and hot chocolate.
They spend a whole day picking out the perfect tree, and celebrate with ice-skating and hot cocoa. They spend an entire weekend decorating the entire house from top to bottom, despite the other house servants’ insistence that they had people to do that.
And on Christmas day, Helena dismisses everyone so that they are alone in the huge house. They gather every fuzzy blanket in the house and huddle together in the living room. They turn off all the lights, and settle down under the light of the glowing fireplace and shimmering tree. Helena makes them hot chocolate while Maxine gathers together every cheesy Christmas movie. And they bury themselves under layers upon layers of blankets as Santa Claus dances across the screen.
That is the year that Maxine decides Christmas is the very best.
ii.
Christmas in college, Maxine supposes, is not meant to be fun.
She pays heed to the tales of awkward family reunions, and bearing in mind just how dysfunctional her own family is, she does everything in her power to avoid going home. And considering that she’s a med student struggling under a mountain of hard classes, internships, and job applications, it’s not a hard stretch to imagine that she’d be too busy to come home for the holidays.
However, ever since she’d turned eighteen, and parents’ traveling days had come to an abrupt halt because of her mother’s sprained hip and her father’s diabetes, her parents had begun to take a slight interest in her.
It wasn’t so much that they were interested in her; it was more that they were interested in what she did for their image. Even during her parents’ absentee phase, they had cared greatly what their community thought of them, and went out of their way to host elaborate parties that showed off their wealth. And after their traveling stopped, it became every more important that they become more involved in society. Enter Maxine, who everyone seemed to love, and suddenly became an integral guest to her parents parties.
So in their mind, it was a good thing for both of them, because Maxine got her parents’ attention, which they believed she so desperately craved, and they got the good publicity that she brought.
The kink in their plans lied in the fact that Maxine wasn’t straight.
There was never a public coming out in her family. Her parents ignored the fact that she mentioned ‘my girlfriend’ instead of ‘my boyfriend’. In some ways the ambiguity of their opinions was worse than outright disapproval. It was like they didn’t care as long as it didn’t impact them.
So in a way she strictly avoids the whole coming out thing. She avoids talk of relationships and ‘who is the newest man in her life?’ type questions.
Until Paula.
Paula is like no one she had every met before. Paula was funny and sincere. She was smart, brilliant in fact. She was open and friendly. And Maxine loved her.
So when Paula doesn’t have a place to go for Christmas, extending the invitation to her home comes almost too easily.
She’s smart and mentions to her parents that she’s considering bringing home her special someone. (That’s actually how she says it. Her special someone. She wants to slap herself after she says it.)
Her parents try to rescind the invitation in, to their credit, the nicest way possible.
“It’s the flights,” her father laments, “they’re completely booked. Sorry sweetpea.”
“Christmas is small this year anyway,” her mother assures, “just a few close friends. We’ll send your gifts in the mail.”
Although she’s supposed to be used to this kind of dismissal from her parents, it still stings for them to so easily brush her off yet again. Paula does her best to cheer her up. She goes from righteous anger to ‘you don’t need them’ to tentative understanding. Maxine hated it, but she was used to it. It was a position that no one liked to be in.
“You know what we should do,” Paula asks one day, flopping on top of Maxine’s bed. She doesn’t wait for Maxine to respond. “We should go on a vacation.”
“That’s a lovely idea,” Maxine doesn’t even look up from the medical textbook in front of her. “With what money.”
“Oh don’t be such a sour puss.” Paula dismisses with a wave of her hand, “We can go on vacation without money.”
“I don’t know how they do things in England, but here in America we frown on grand theft and fraud.”
“Oh shut up,” Paula says laughing. “No seriously, we’ll put some petrol in your car and drive up the coast. We’ll find a campground and set up there for a night. It won’t cost a lot, and it’ll be fun!” Paula pauses for a moment before continuing, “And before you ask, I have thought this out. Creepy Paul down the hall offered to lend me his tent. We’ll pack up some sleeping bags, some food, the works, and enjoy the weekend.”
“Is there any way out of this? I’m not exactly the hiking type.” And it was almost hilarious how much Maxine actually didn’t want Paula to talk her out of it.
“Nope, no way.”
They end up packing up the car on Christmas Eve. For once everything they’ve packed seems to fit, they actually leave on time, and they don’t hit a single spot of traffic. They set up camp in a campground near the lake. Their spot would have had a terrific view if it weren’t for the ugly beige trailer parked right in front of them. But they don’t care.
Paula teases Maxine over how horrible she turns out to be at camping. “Seriously Maxie, I’m kinda of worried that if I ask you to actually go out and collect firewood, you would do that.” Even though they were in the middle of a fairly urban city.
That night, they pack a picnic basket with sandwiches, chocolate, strawberries, and carrots. Paula finds a checkered blanket that is so cliché, but Maxine loves it. They set up on the edge of the lake underneath the stars. They talk and laugh. They question and hug.
And by the end of the night, Paula is curled up next to Maxine, her head resting on Maxine’s shoulder. Paula is snoring loudly and judging by the wetness Maxine feels on her shoulder, she’s pretty sure Paula might be drooling.
Maxine has never considered herself so lucky.
iii.
There are certain things that are just not supposed to happen during a Zombie Invasion.
And she supposes (or at least assumes) that a Zombie Apocalypse is one of them. But apparently that doesn’t stop Abel. Christmas supplies begin to appear out of nowhere. Jody knits sweaters like crazy, as if she’s on some sort of schedule to dole them out. Simon and Evan bring back a small tree and which they proclaim to be the official Christmas tree. Everyone adds something to the tree (Ribbon, homemade ornaments, jewelry, lights).
It’s all sort of perfect in a way.
The days leading up to Christmas, someone (Simon, she’s sure of it) puts up mistletoe everywhere. Which leads to a few amusing encounters. A spectacular show put on by Jack and Eugene in the mess hall. Evan pecking Sarah on the cheek near the barn. A furiously blushing but surprisingly passionate Sam and Five in the Comms shack.
It’s on the day of Christmas, though, that Maxine realizes that maybe there are a few things that can’t be touched the Zombs.
It had been a difficult few weeks. Dealing with the echoes of Paula, the VS27 research, and the runners kept her busy. But it seemed like as the holidays got closer, everyone went out of their ways to make her life a little bit easier. Sam invited her around the Comms shack more for a “hopefully fun-filled break.” (And she accepted because she found it hilarious to watch him flirt with Five awkwardly.) Evan presented her with a stock of antibiotics on behalf of all the runners. Even Janine told her to take the day off.
Yet it was still difficult to let it all go. To not think of her family and Paula as the holiday grew closer. She missed them. So, so much.
She entertains the passing days with memories of happier times. It only makes things worse.
On Christmas, everyone is told to take a day of rest. A select few take turns manning the borders, so she offers to hang around the hospital, just in case her expertise is needed. It’s a poor excuse to lock herself up away from everyone else and drown in her own sorrows.
“I’ve got you a present,” Sam sings as he steps inside her makeshift hospital interrupting her wallowing. He holds up an oddly shapes object wrapped in what seemed to be old newspaper. “Well it’s not just from me, because Five picked it up, so I guess it’s a present from Five and me. Not that we’re, you know, giving presents together now, or anything. I’m just giving credit where credit is due.”
“I’ll tell Five my thanks later then,” she says suppressing her laughter. She wants to be angry for the intrusion, but she feels strangely relived instead. She unwraps it carefully, and a pile of clothes tumbles out into her lap. It looked like a costume from Demons & Darkness. “Oh Sam,” she sighs happily. “Thank you!”
She hugs him quickly and holds the costume up to her chest. “I can’t wait to try this on Thursday night.”
“I’m glad you like it,” he says with a proud smile on his face.
“Like it? I love it,” her excitement radiates around her. “I’m just sorry I didn’t get you anything.”
He waves it off, “You’re doing enough already. Researching the possibility of ending the zombs is enough.”
She’s about to correct him, but then decides not to. What’s wrong with a little hope on Christmas?
“Besides,” he moves on, “I thought you could use a bit of cheering up.”
“Really?” She stares intently at the crumpled paper in her hands.
“The holidays are hard on all of us,” he says softly. “I miss my sister, my parents. It sucks. We all miss our old lives. It’s okay to miss it.”
“Thanks Sam,” she says a bit taken aback. “It’s just I haven’t had a lot of good Christmases, especially when I was younger. Paula made them all special. She used to come up with crazy unique things to do. I miss her,” she sighs.
Sam places a hand over her hand. For a moment, everything feels a bit better. She still doesn’t have parents who care about her (they’re probably dead, if she’s being honest). She hasn’t thought about Helena in ages. And she doesn’t know what happened to Paula. Tomorrow, she’s still going to wake up and feel lonely and pressured.
But today, she has friends. Friends who care enough about her to put their lives on the line for a gesture. A gesture that reminds her that they care, even if it’s material.
She smiles softly at Sam. “Thanks again,” she pats his hand, “I really appreciate it, the gift and the talk.” She picks herself up a bit and smiles mischievously. “It’s actually good you stopped by, because I spoke to Jack earlier and he told me that a little something about you and Five. Care to share?”
Sam blushes deep red as Maxine’s laughter fills the tent surrounding them.