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"...listen kid, you're just having trouble taking your eyes off it and you know it." the man was saying, grinning smugly.
Titus Drautos, captain of the Kingsglaive, paused his walk through the city and turned around slowly, tracking the pair who'd just walked past him. Was that...? "Ulric?" he asked incredulously. He was pretty sure he'd only muttered it to himself but the man stopped and turned abruptly.
"Captain! Checking out my ass, are you?"
Drautos sputtered and glared (and refused to acknowledge that his gaze had been focused around his soldier's bottom) "The hell is wrong with you, Ulric?" he demanded
Nyx laughed "Sorry, Captain. We were just having a little discussion about fashion choices here."
"There's nothing 'fashion' about this, Nyx." the shorter woman at his side, Crowe, pointed out sarcastically.
Titus had to say he agreed. "Just... keep walking, Ulric. As long as your uniform is up to regulation I don't care what you do off duty." Which they both knew it wasn't, with all the 'customization', as Nyx called it, aka 'unnecessary embellishments' according to the Captain. But they wouldn't mention that now.
With a merry chuckle Ulric allowed himself to be dragged away by Crowe. Good riddance. What in Ifrit's name possessed the Glaive to wear those... those... leggings? Was that what they were called? And Drautos definitely wasn't looking at his ass as he left.
* * *
They arrived fashionably late at the meeting place. The plan for the night was simple and efficient. Grab something to eat, hang out for a while on the town, then get drunk and try to find their way to their homes before another day of duty to the King.
"Ew, what the fuck, Nyx?" Libertus exclaimed instead of greeting, prompting a giggle from his friend.
"What? My ass looks damn good in this and you can't deny it."
Lib scowled "The ass, maybe. But can't you have something... like... I don't know. Do they make leggings in the back, jeans in the front? Cause bro, I can see your dick entirely too well and I do not appreciate that." he complained
Nyx giggled more "Nobody's telling you to look~"
"It's fucking STARING at me!" Lib yelled in horror
Ulric snorted hard "Honey, I hate to say it, but my eyes are up here~"
His friend just punched his arm in retaliation for the comment.
"Disgusting." came the clipped tone of another one of the group.
"Yeah I know, it ain't pretty the indecent thoughts I cause~" Nyx replied easily "It's okay to stare, Luche."
The blond scowled too, but damn if he wasn't also checking out that ass. "Right. Currently I'm thinking if I can claim indecent exposure as the crime I killed you for when Drautos asks tomorrow."
"Let's be fair, Drautos would accept 'because fuck you' as reason for dispatching Nyx." Crowe pointed out.
"No way. Nobody kills the national treasure" Nyx stated boldly, turning his back on them and... wiggling that cursed butt.
Crowe groaned and facepalmed. "You're such a menace, Ulric."
"You know you love me~"
* * *
They were meeting Pelna later, since he was apparently busy with his 'new partner'. There'd been some teasing about 'Junior' getting a girl at last, but really they didn't bother. Not like they could when they wanted to pester someone. Everyone just sort of assumed it was some nerdy chick he'd picked up on his technobabble and rolled with it. Until they arrived at the arcade they were supposed to meet at, after a meal and a short walk, ready to hit the bars, and saw the godsdamned Star of Lucis parked there.
"Well, shit." Nyx voiced everyone's thoughts.
"He didn't pick up the Prince, did he?" Lib asked incredulously
Luche scoffed "No way. It might be a coincidence. The Prince hangs out at arcades all the time after all." he declared with an exaggerated shrug.
Crowe just chuckled wryly.
"What, you think Pelna Khara got a date with the fucking Crown Prince of Lucis?" Luche taunted
"We'll see." she said only, and leaned against a street sign (no parking) casually to wait.
It was about ten minutes before they saw the Crown Prince exit. They all made a sincere attempt at seeming like they weren't looking at him while observing curiously. It probably would have worked out much better if Prince Noctis didn't stop abruptly, staring wide eyed at their group, and making the two people following him inelegantly bump into his back. The Prince nearly collapsed and the two scrambled to catch him, fumbling because they had to first let go of each other since they'd been holding hands. The Glaives all turned as one, staring in shock.
In the stunned silence Noctis' perplexed "What the fuck." rang loud and clear.
The Glaives threw shifty glances at each other before Crowe regained her composure and hurried towards their Prince. "Your Highness? Are you alright?" she asked, offering him a hand which he took automatically even though he was supporting himself just fine by this point.
"What the fuck." Noctis repeated "Is Ulric wearing?"
Crowe laughed nervously, while Libertus and Luche shrugged, the latter blushing in secondhand embarrassment.
Nyx, meanwhile, grinned happily "It's called leggings, your Highness" he supplied politely
"I know." Noct bristled "Just. Why."
"They bring out my butt, your Highness." Ulric answered, still so disgustingly polite
While Noct's face went through a few different but universally hilarious expressions as he processed that, the couple behind him started giggling, drawing the Glaives' attention again. It turned out to be none other than the Prince's best friend, Prompto Argentum... and Pelna Khara, the reason why they were all gathered there. Everyone, Nyx included, gaped at them.
"So. Not really a girlfriend, huh?" Lib asked awkwardly.
Pelna grinned, again lacing his fingers with Prompto's. "Better~"
"Hey!" Crowe protested, her feminine honor taking precedence over acting quiet and polite next to the Crown Prince
"Heh. They thought you were a girl, Prom~" Noctis teased
"Hey!!" the blond yelped indignantly "It's not like they saw me and couldn't tell the difference!"
Crowe chuckled "No worries, um. Sir." she had no idea how to address the Prince's commoner friend, and really, who could blame her? "You look very manly."
Prom grinned like he'd just gotten an early birthday gift "See?? I'm manly~" he gloated "And um, just call me Prompto, please?" he added much more timidly.
"You're totally manly." Pelna assured, wrapping an arm around his date.
"Aw, thanks babe~"
Luche started coughing at that point, while Noctis made a choking sound. "Will you stop with the mushy stuff?" the Prince complained
"Nope~" Prom replied, giving Pelna a dopey grin.
"Fine, I give up." Noct raised his hands in defeat "Go be disgusting on your own, I'm heading back." he announced, fishing out the keys to the Star from his back pocket.
"Sure thing. See ya tomorrow." Prom said
Pelna bowed slightly "It was fun, your Highness."
"Yeah." Noctis muttered and got in the car. All the other Glaives hurriedly bowed which they'd completely forgot to do until Pelna's example. As much as they actually liked the kid, everyone breathed a sigh of relief when the fancy car rolled away.
Pelna brought Prompto closer to the group "So, everyone, meet my boyfriend~"
Prompto blushed furiously and offered his hand in greeting, doing his best to memorize all the Glaives' names during the introductions. "Nice pants." he commented only a bit sarcastically when he got to Nyx.
Ulric beamed "See? See? It's pants. PAAAANTSSSSS ." he rubbed it in everyone's faces for at least half of the rest of the night, which they spent, as planned, raiding the bars.
* * *
Pelna was, admittedly, a little unstable as they made their way back. He was quite coherent, surprisingly, but alcohol tended to mess up his coordination really easily, a fact all the other Glaives knew. Which was why Nyx accompanied them home, keeping them safe from freak accidents and strangers with a grudge alike. 'Them', because, predictably, Prompto was tagging along to Pelna's apartment. They'd gotten a fair share of teasing about the indecent stuff they would get into once alone, but privately everyone was pretty sure it would end up as a night of video games and really bad nerdy humor. Prompto, apparently, turned chatty and stubborn when drunk, which wasn't far from his usual state, just more intense.
"Okay okay but what are your criteria, Nyx??" he demanded for the fourth time.
Nyx took a deep breath, looking entirely too serious "Alright so."
"Yes."
"Um." he frowned in concentration. He was mostly sober, but damn, just the stupid conversations they'd had were enough to mess with his head
"Yes." Prom repeated eagerly
"So."
"Yes."
"Made of fabric."
"Yes."
"Covers butt."
"Yes."
"And..." he took a moment to consider and shut Prompto up with a glare before another 'yes' could happen "Reaches all the way to the ankles?" he tried, finally settling for a satisfied grin
Until, of course, Pelna started giggling uncontrollably "Dude... Dude that's... That's a SKIRT" he managed between fits of laughter. That, of course, made Prom join in on the fun.
"Oh gods, a fucking skirt~"
Nyx schooled his face into his most stern, murderous expression. Which apparently didn't work out so well, judging by how the laughter only got louder. He pouted instead "Shut up." he whined. "It's not a skiiiiirt"
"That's what your criteria pointed to, man. Sorry." Prom said with a shrug
"I want to add to them." Nyx announced
"Too late~"
"No no let him try, this is gonna be good!" Pelna protested
Prompto giggled and nodded "Alright, try it"
"It has to have two holes." Nyx announced seriously
The other two snorted "That's a torn skirt!!" Pelna exclaimed
Nyx huffed angrily "LEG holes. Thingys. Sleeves. Leg sleeves?" he attempted
"Alright, alright. Leg sleeves. Yeah." Prom agreed, laughing. Somehow Nyx didn't feel like he agreed at all.
"What? It's an accurate description."
"Yeah, totally." Pel said.
And that was where Nyx drew the line. He wouldn't let these two fashion ignorants boss him around! "Listen." he began fiercely "Maybe you don't think these are pants. That's okay. But they make my ass look nice. And that means. I should totally wear them. But nobody wants me to wear leggings. So I have to.. change the perspective, you know? Be revolutionary. Unpopular opinion, going against the grain, that sort of stuff. Like Batman. Like he's badass, right? And he wears these things. Unpopular, like I said. He also had nipples once, but that's beside the point. I mean, I guess he's had nipples all along but like, exposed nipples. Wait, that's wrong. His, uh. Thing had nipples. The suit. Not relevant. Anyway, he's doing badass shit but nobody likes him, and they like the Penguin. No wait, that wasn't the penguin. Joker? No. Uh. Dent. Two-face. That dude. They liked him better because he was all straight and... no, shit, that's offensive. Sorry guys. I mean straight as in, a good guy. Which he wasn't but they thought he was. Or he was just not yet. Nevermind. Everyone like him because he dressed like a good guy and covered his nipples. But Batman did not. So. Thus. Therefore. These may not be the pants you want, but they are the pants I need. The pants Eos needs. Because Eos needs more of my ass. Because it's a nice ass and it's a shame to hide it. Like Batman. Because there are more important things in life than the name of what I'm wearing. Therefore, pants."
His only answer was stunned silence. Okay, so maybe he was a little more drunk than he thought...