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Chapter Text

A flash of red. A flash of blue. The streaming lights spun in circles, as if choosing who to land on, fluttering ever so slightly as if hesitating before resuming the chase. The music played just slightly too quiet for it to eliminate the awkwardness, and out of the corner of his eyes Magnus could see several interns bobbing their heads, their 2% beers sloshing in their glasses and their strangely large glasses slipping down their noses (Magnus was surprised to see them back in fashion once more). The room was covered in fun things, an Instagram booth filled with cool prompts, a chocolate fountain, even a small slide. But the evening was very much still in the awkward shuffle phase, and Magnus could see that even the most broad-shouldered men were keeping their heads down, the ‘fun’ things left untouched. The high windows indicated they were in some kind of warehouse (those were all the fashion in those days) and Magnus wondered how most of these people, who clung to their vintage boots and typewriters, would feel if he told them he was there when they were invented. They would probably laugh, a razor sharp edge of nerves running along their tongue. Magnus had heard it before. He seemed to have that effect on people (besides it was massively against Clave law to tell a mundane anything).

Magnus was only half talking to the man in front of him, whose round glasses and sweeping fringe matched everyone else’s in the room. You have found a match! It was all so cavalier. And Magnus was trying to enjoy it, trying to throw himself into it, to find laughter in the bubbling ‘pop!’ of the drinks, but it took so long to get drunk nowadays. He was calcifying, he was sure of it. He was sure it would make him nervous, if his feelings weren’t cold and healed over. He could almost laugh, could almost get into it. He hadn’t lost it. Not yet. He nodded along to the intern.

Yes, the photo shoot was very successful.

Yes, his new piece was delightful.

Thank you, it means a lot.

His eyes drifted off into the crowd, absentmindedly stirring his drink with his right hand, small sparks of blue evaporating from his fingers like old smoke. Magnus appreciated the small fizz in his veins as the magic dropped from his pointed nails, purple and dashed with glitter. It wasn’t exactly well known that Magnus was a Warlock. Or ‘eccentric’ as time magazine had called him (their fairy make-up artist covering her laughing mouth with the back of her hand), you say tomayto, I see tomahto, it was all the same. In fact, it wasn’t well known that magic existed at all. Magnus scanned the room; mundane, mundane, mundane. Magnus thought he saw a werewolf before realising it was just one of these oddly large beards that had come back into fashion. Magnus wasn’t a fan. It was remarkable what mundanes would consider ‘eccentric’, especially given his reputation, Magnus was getting to the point where he believed his assistant could walk in on him levitating above his desk and not even bat an eyelid. They were an exceptionally dense race. And yet, Magnus did have a soft spot for them. There was a fight that lived within their chests, a fire, that came from mortality, a spark in the eye that came from the mentality, one life, one chance, live fast, die hard; Magnus found mundane expressions rather depressing. Nevertheless, they were feisty in a way that one just wasn’t when one had all the time to lie around. It was a quality that Magnus appreciated, that he desperately tried to emulate, in his attempt to avoid calcification.

‘Shall we write that on your forehead?’ Said Ragnor Fell, thumbing the latest addition of Magnus’ magazine, ‘Magnus Bane, lover of mundanes’.

But Ragnor could mock all he wanted, Magnus wished to feel alive, he didn’t want concrete to grow over his heart and stop him from feeling. He had promised that to himself a long time ago.

And the intern was still talking, as Magnus caught sight of himself in one of the large, lit mirrors they had so nicely installed. His hair was jet black, combed into a small quiff and gelled, with purple streaks running through it. His green eyes (he was wearing contacts, with the cat eyes even the mundanes might catch on) were perfectly highlighted with excessive black, smoky eyeshadow and winged eyeliner, (it was all the craze) with glitter swirled into the beautiful penmanship. His lips had been outlined in red and his lips were coated in a lipstick that was thick and matte. His black skinny jeans (quite possibly his favourite thing from this era), clung effortlessly to his legs and his black top hung loosely from his jutted collar bones. However, quite possibly his favourite thing about his outfit were his boots, big enough to stamp through any trapdoor and decorated with a rich and deep purple, glinting small silver chains dangled, weaving through the black laces. Magnus caught several people staring with admiration.

He saw people looking, their hands itching for a pen, a camera, to capture his outfit choices and take the world by storm, as Magnus had so many times before. His face splashed across the pages of vogue, the new crazes in male make-up, eyeliner, concealer and glitter? (Magnus had always been surprised by the mundanes strictly enforced rules on gender and personal grooming). Or his shoot for Alexander McQueen which had the world rushing to the shops to buy scarves (of course what they didn’t know was that every individual in that shoot was from the down world, with one blog had commented on the faerie’s ‘enchanting eyes’, even Alexander himself was a vampire.)  Magnus’ desire to stay aware from mundane media had only made him more ‘mysterious’ to the paparazzi and the public. Not the first time, Magnus had found himself rolling his eyes and the trivial things onto which humans could lock themselves. They were truly creatures of juxtaposition, of fiery nature and of tantamount importance but also of checking the door was locked three times and obsessing over pictures of Magnus walking from one car to another car, Magnus could never truly understand it. Bane out for lunch? Bane seen walking from the gym. Bane spotted at the local park. Yes? And? Then again he had met Julius Caesar and Marianne Antoinette, so he guessed after that nothing could phase him.

And the intern was still talking, his cheeks deepening red. It was cute really, the way he obviously had a crush on Magnus, his words stuttering a little when he addressed him. And Magnus would be interested too, he was plenty cute, his hair sandy and his eyes a vibrant brown, his glasses were slightly wonky in a way that was endearing but not dorky. But he was too keen, he couldn’t be real around someone like that, couldn’t open up to him. The minute he told that boy he was a warlock he would be blabbing it all over town, talking to the crowd of cameras that waited outside. So, no, Magnus let him have his crush. He was sure it would disappear soon enough.

Magnus could see several important men over in the corner his publicist had wanted to mark the ‘VIP’ area, which Magnus had refused. He didn’t know why these men should get access to slightly more comfortable pillows. Nevertheless it happened, people knew their place, they wouldn’t sit on the sofa, for sign or not, it was VIP. Magnus sighed, everything was so set in stone with this race, glancing across the faces he saw the same as always, white males, you’d think this race would have shook it up by now, it had been literally hundreds of years. Magnus knew he should probably go talk to them, say hello, tell his anecdotes, for the sake of the clothes if not himself.

“Please, excuse me.” Magnus smiled at his intern, noticing his cheeks turn a shade that was positively magenta.

Magnus made his way through the crowd, the people parting as if he were Moses, and they small atoms in the red sea. Celebrity culture had grown old fast for Magnus, he liked the attention but he didn’t like the hierarchy, he didn’t like people avoiding him for fear, he liked to talk and speak to people. There were thousands of people and he wanted to know their stories. Vogue had described his as warm and down-to-earth (which was just a nice way of saying he wasn’t an arsehole) and Magnus wondered what the other people they interviewed were like, it was an odd concept to him, for people to like him merely for being pleasant and polite. Then again, he was in New York.

His eyes drifted away from the VIP area, from the lush cushions and the carpet made from real llama wool. And that’s when he saw him. Just tall enough to peek out from the crowd, his back straight in a way that was warm and welcoming, lacking the usual arrogance of those who were tall. His looks were incredibly striking, a defined chin and cheekbones, arching eyebrows and piercing blue eyes. The air seemed to curve around him, respecting his space like railings round the Mona Lisa. His black hair curled effortlessly as he ran his chiselled hand through it, scrunching and ruffling it underneath his fingertips. But best of all was his smile, and the slight echo of a laugh Magnus could hear across the room, his mouth opening wide to reveal his slightly crooked teeth.  His eyes lit up and Magnus saw, for the first time that night, someone truly enjoying themselves, soaking in the company, not caring about the volume of the music or the status of the people surrounding him, someone soaking in the energy of those around him, and expelling it from himself, as if floating effortlessly on a cloud. It was a beautiful sight to behold.

Magnus stared a little, and, with a sudden disregard for those surrounding him, nudged a smaller man to his left, his elbow catching the other man’s chest.

“Who is that?” Magnus said, motioning towards the man.

“I believe that’s Alec Lightwood.” The man said, an arch of surprise in his low voice, “he’s a model, fairly new to the scene I believe.”

“Alec Lightwood.” Magnus said, rolling the name along his tongue. “I like it.” And the smaller man said something, adjusting his glasses nervously with his right hand, but Magnus drowned him out, focusing of the curve of Alec’s lips as he gesticulated, telling a story, and gaining laughs from a small group around him. He couldn’t help but smile himself. Alec Lightwood. He would remember that name.

He felt his feet moved automatically towards him, as if drawn by some sort of enchantment. Magnus started to wonder whether Alec was a faerie of some kind. He certainly had the cheekbones for it. But before he could reach him he heard the chant of; Speech! Speech! Speech! And several hundred pairs of eyes looking expectantly. He turned his head and the blue eyes were lost to the crowd. Another time maybe. After all, Magnus had all the time in the world.

Chapter Text

“He asked for me specifically?” asked Alec, tugging nervously at his collar, “Why do you think he’d do that?” he paused slightly, twirling his thumbs beneath the makeup desk “there wasn’t even a casting session?”

“I don’t know honey,” Clary said in her usual lilt, “Jen just called me this morning and told me to get you ready.” She placed her hands on Alec’s face, tilting his head slightly, running her eyes over him without really seeing him, just studying a canvas on which to work.

“I guess you made an impression,” drawled Izzy with a wink, “let’s face it big brother, you certainly are attractive”

Alec spluttered nearly choking on the Evian pure mountain spring water (he wondered when he had gotten so pretentious)

“You can’t possibly think…” Alec said, his eyes widening.

“I’m just saying” Izzy said with a shrug, “it’s a possibility”

“Yes, yes Alec is attractive, drop dead gorgeous, light of the world” said Clary, rolling her eyes, Jace looking up long enough from his magazine to showcase his signature smirk, “now close your eyes”.

She pulled a soft, smooth sponge out from her seemingly bottomless black bag, and not for the first time Alec wondered what exactly was in there; and where did it end? Alec had tried to look inside it once, but she had quickly slapped his hand away. He had begun to wonder whether it was hexed, like Marry Poppins’ or Hermione’s, he would like that he thought, a little extra magic. He felt he needed it now, a small knot tying in his stomach, what was Magnus expecting from him? And could he rise up to the challenge? He crossed and uncrossed his feet, gripping onto his fingers a little harder. Why had he called for him, specifically for this shoot? Alec hadn’t even been aware Magnus knew he existed, and he was just such a well-known name. How exactly did one jump from the odd advertisement for a clothing line to the most talked about fashion designer of the minute? There was a lump in his throat and he began to feel a little uneasy.

He felt the sponge glide gracefully across his face, like a small feather, tickling his nose and cheeks. He felt his face relax a little, his legs falling and his fingers unknotting. He leaned back. It would all be fine. Everything will be alright, oo-ooh child things are gonna get easier, here comes the sun, -. And he was out of cheesy, re-assuring songs.

“Keep still!” Clary shouted, a hint of laughter to her tone. Alec couldn’t deny it, he loved the feeling of having his makeup done. He loved the glide of the brushes across his face, the gentle stroke of the eyeliner over his eyes and the shaping of his eyebrows. He loved being a canvas for someone’s masterpiece. Although he highly suspected a lot of it had to do with Clary. Having been his makeup artist for almost three years, she had become almost a second sister to him. There was something beautiful about her face, about the way her eyes glowed and crinkled as they worked on him, something beautiful in the flick of her wrist. Not that he was attracted to her, not in any capacity, but there was a passion that lay ingrained in her bones, that grew and blossomed and shone through her skin, her hair flickering flames across her bright white complexion. Her boyfriend sat in the corner, re-enacting some kind of story to Izzy, his hands flying wildly, knocking a bottle of foundation onto the table. He looked sheepish but Clary merely rolled her eyes. He was everything she wasn’t, whilst she was clear and generous and patient, he was moody and reckless and confident, but they shared the same passion that seared through their veins. And they were both beautiful, like beyond beautiful, like were you chiselled from marble kind of beautiful. Now Jace he had had a crush on. He was only slightly embarrassed to admit that (and to nobody but Izzy). And he was over it. Mostly.

Clary finished her work and held up a mirror to Alec’s face, much like a hairdresser in the 50s, chewing gum and propping up her hair. As always there was a slight edge of nerves to Clary’s gentle face. Izzy and Jace seemed to be pre-occupied with some kind of horoscope reading or a ‘which Jonas brother are you?’ quiz from a trashy magazine.

Alec opened his eyes. It still shocked him a little, even after all his time spent in modelling, still made him grin. His hair had been ruffled and curled a little, falling down over his powdered temples. His chin and cheekbones jutted out, perfectly defined, striking like a flash of lightning amid a crowd of grey smoke. But his eyes were the most impressive, the black lines bolded against his pale skin, simple and sophisticated, but it highlighted the blue, drawing you in, letting you lull among the sea and sky.

“It’s beautiful, Clary,” Alec smiled, “as always” he assured, and Clary beamed.

“Break a leg” Izzy grinned,

“Or you know don’t… it might make it slightly harder to stand and make that pouty face” Jace teased and Alec grabbed the magazine from him, hitting him over the head. “Okay, okay,” Jace laughed, “seriously good luck though man”

“Of course.”

~

Alec was still a little early and he could see the cameras being set up around the screen, several balding men stood in circles, stroking their chins, drinking coffee, the exact kind of behaviour that was learnt to fit in before it came a habit. Alec looked out of the small top windows, it still hadn’t yet gone light. It was early, like really early.

“I know, I know” Alec heard a voice behind him, “these things are always dreadfully early, I keep asking them, why not later in the day, why not night, why 4am, but alas lighting decisions seem to always take precedence over my beauty sleep.” Magnus turned slightly towards Alec, looking directly into his eyes, “which evidently I get enough of anyway” he said with a gesture.

Alec looked a little startled, shifting back subconsciously and nearly stepping on Izzy’s toes.

“Magnus Bane, pleased to meet you.”

“Alec Lightwood.”

“Oh I know,” he said with a wink, “And this is?”

“My sister, Izzy.”

Well that explained the extreme levels of beauty; seriously everyone in this family was drop dead stunning, Magnus thought. He wondered who they’d sold their soul to, or whether they’d swallowed an angel. She too was beautiful, but she wore her beauty differently to Alec. Alec’s beauty dripped out of him, like paint left without the top on, wriggling down his arms, and through his hair, and from his eyes. Alec’s beauty was like a light that had been accidentally left on, burning whether it was wanted or not, it hung loosely from his frame like a coat on a hanger. It was striking. It was endearing. But Izzy used her beauty as a weapon, as war paint slapped across her sharp cheekbones, she wore it as a shield, Magnus could see that from her walk. She knew it. She owned it. And she filled it, she took the coat off the hanger and tried it on, posing in the mirrors.

“She’s a model too.” Alec said, and Magnus saw the slight blush even through the layers of his makeup.

“Nice to meet you both,” Magnus said extending his hand and looking them both in the eye as they shook it.

“Are we ready Carl?” he shouted, taking Alec by surprise.

“Not even slightly” Carl said laughing.

“Ah, I’m always over prepared.” Magnus said, “Here let me show you you’re clothes for the day.”

“Of course.”

“See you Alec,” Izzy said with a wave, heading back to where Clary and Jace were arguing over who wore it better; Hillary duff or Raven Symone, (exactly how old was this magazine?).

Alec felt weirdly like a child being dropped off at their first day at school. His tongue was a little dry.

Alec tried to shake it off, still hearing the words from the make-up room, still seeing Izzy’s wink. Shake it off. There was no way Magnus was attracted to him. And even if he was, Alec was professional, Alec could deal with this.

Magnus led him to a room filled with the most beautiful clothes Alec had ever seen, rows upon rows of all different colours, different fabrics, different sizes. Alec’s eyes widened a little and Magnus laughed;

“Amazing isn’t it?” he said as he ran his hands through the fabric. Alec wondered what his endgame was, sure, he hadn’t worked with a lot of designers, but was it usual for them to be this hands on? This friendly? This personal? “Now, what would you suit?” Magnus said, sifting through the racks, holding several items up to Alec’s chest.

“Umm,” Alec stuttered (Magnus nearly melted it was so adorable), “what exactly is this shoot for?” He muttered, looking just slightly to the left of Magnus’ left eye. It was precious.

“For my new line, you know,” he said with a cock of the head “you were at the launch party the other day?”

So that’s where he knew him from. Although Alec didn’t remember speaking to him (although he had been a little over the line in terms of being drunk), he did remember his speech, the slight twirl of Magnus’ hands, the slight swagger in his walk and the warmth in his voice; liquor running like a river.

“Ah”

“This is it here,” Magnus motioned, inviting Alec to look closer, and he did. He bent down to look at the fabric, each item so soft and simple, until one looked closer. In one shirt was a stitched little ribs of blue, in a pant leg there was a small shimmer of glitter, in one scarf a thousand tiny sketches of arrows.

“It’s beautiful.” Alec said, and he meant it.

He thought about what his father would say if he could see him. Not that he was dead, just an arsehole. In fact, Alec wondered if he had ever seen anything Alec had modelled in (although he hoped he hadn’t seen his underwear advert). Alec’s father wasn’t fond of him being a model, he thought it sissy and feminine. Of course it would suit someone like you, somebody – Izzy had shot like a firecracker, like a flame building a wall between the two, her face etched into a look of so much anger. Don’t you talk to him like that. She grabbed his arm and had pulled him through the door. Somebody gay. That had been the unfinished sentence, spat from his peeling lips, sat under his warm, kind eyes which had tucked him to sleep and told him to be strong, to be masculine, to be a hero. Apparently modelling hadn’t fallen into those categories for him. Alec hadn’t seen him since. He didn’t know if Izzy had. They didn’t talk about it. An unspoken swirling smoke that affected every feature.

Alec gazed off into the distance,

“You okay?” Magnus said, the playful spark in his eyes dimming to reveal genuine concern.

“Yeah fine” Alec turned back around, stepping back a little upon seeing the giant pile of clothes that stretched over Magnus’ head, threatening to spill all over the floor. He laughed, “You sure you’ve got enough clothes there?”

Magnus arched his eyebrow, “it’s not my fault everything looks good on you.”

Alec blushed, “No”

“Do we have to have this argument?” Magnus sighed theatrically, “Do I have to stand here and pepper you with compliments?” Magnus cocked his head a little, “because if so, tell me, I need to put down the clothes, this could take a while.”

“No that’s okay” Alec muttered, looking at the floor to stop Magnus from seeing just how red his cheeks had gotten.

“Right, well be assured, you’re beautiful.” Alec’s eyes met Magnus’ like a seal of fate. Alec could see the specks of dust dancing like fairies in the shaft of the rising sun, the cracks in the spines of the books that stood on the back shelf, each speckle of glitter that smudged under Magnus’ eyes. “Let’s go try these on”

~

The next room was smaller than the last, just a small white wooden table and another high window, the early morning light trickling through the pane. The walls were stone and ‘rustic’, which apparently was in fashion, at least that’s what his estate agent had told him when he was trying to find an apartment. For a model, Alec didn’t know a lot about what was ‘in fashion’. Truth be told, when he wasn’t at work, he mostly just wore his old favourite jumper, black with a hole in the sleeve, and his black jeans. Still, he could appreciate the beauty in clothes.

Magnus dropped the pile of clothes onto the table,

“Thanks for the help by the way” he teased and Alec went red,

“Oh I’m so sorry I didn’t realise-“

“It’s okay” Magnus said, stroking a single finger across Alec’s chin, “some of us are just too pretty for manual labour.”

Alec blushed, “I’ll let you get dressed” Magnus said, motioning towards the door, “I’ll just be outside, shout if you need me.” He gave a small wave of his hand, shutting the white wooden door behind him.

Shit. Alec thought. Magnus had left him clothes but not organised into any kind of outfits, was he expecting him to come up with it himself? Alec’s hand started to shake a little, he was still reeling from his conversation with Magnus. Did he like him? It seemed like he did, but it could be just Izzy in his mind. Izzy. What he would do for her to be here right now, he needed steaming black coffee and a comfy sofa and an hour to talk it out. He was tempted to call her, he looked back at the pile of clothes, sifting through them gingerly with his hand; she could definitely help him with this. To be honest even Jace would be better than him than this.

He filtered through the clothes, thumbing a pair of black jeans with silver chains hanging from the pockets. The prospect of modelling these for Magnus made his heart beat faster, both with excitement and with nerves. It rattle at his ribs like a cage. He took off his pair of jeans and slid this pair over his legs, marvelling at just how soft they were. They hugged his legs so perfectly and goddamn were they comfortable. There was a thin, full length mirror at one end of the room, and Alec couldn’t deny that they suited him. He soon found a jumper underneath the pile, black and woollen, it had small little ribs of blue sown into it and a neckline that plunged a little lower than Alec was used to. Just like the jeans, it was surprisingly light, and it felt like a cloud hugging against his chest. What did he do now? Call Magnus like he would his mother when he was a small boy and got stuck inside his jumper in the changing rooms at next? He knocked lightly at the door and it swung open, nearly hitting him cleanly in the nose. Magnus’ eyes widened,

“Don’t you look dashing?” Magnus said, his eyes directed distractedly at Alec’s collarbones that were peeking from beneath the black fabric.

“But come here,” he said, grabbing Alec by the wrist and Alec merely hoped he couldn’t feel his heartbeat. Who was he kidding you could probably hear it down the street, feel it pumping through the cracks in the pavement. Alec smiled as Magnus stood him in front of the mirror, rummaging through the pile of clothes.

“Ah here!” Magnus shouted, proudly holding up a blue scarf, “Now this,” he said, his eyes glinting, and it was the same glint, the same passion, he saw in Clary’s eyes when she did his make-up, the same youthful exuberance; a sense of wonder. “is going to make you look perfect.” He wrapped it around Alec’s neck, his long fingers (his nails were painted gold today, to match his eyeshadow), lingering slightly longer than necessary over the arch of Alec’s neck. The scarf hung loosely exaggerating his blue eyes and bringing out the blue ribs in his jumper. Alec smiled,

“Beautiful.” Magnus said, placing a hand on his shoulder. He was slightly taller than Alec, just enough that Alec had to look up slightly when he was standing this close. Alec felt his knees wobble a little. Keep it together. And Magnus was off again, a more distant look in his eyes.

“Now, now,” he muttered to himself as he glanced over the remaining garments, one hand on his chin. Alec noticed he was wearing a large silver ring onto which seemed to be carved a small image of a book of some kind, tiny stars floating across the pages. Magnus span quickly on his heel, looking straight into Alec’s eyes, “do you have your ears pierced?” Alec nodded. “Excellent!” Magnus rummaged through a drawer in the white table, producing a pair of simple silver earrings. But, when Alec looked closer at them, he realised they were actually small little flowers, curled into balls as if protecting themselves from the elements. “These, will simply look perfect,” Magnus drawled, reaching and bringing Alec closer to him and slowly putting the earrings in.

“I can put my own earrings in you know.” Alec said, meaning for it to sound defiant or sarcastic but it came out more like a stutter. Goddammit he had to get it together.

“I don’t doubt,” Magnus said, stepping back a little and staring at Alec’s face, darting his eyes from ear to ear, “but it’s better this way don’t you think?” he said with a smirk, and in a whisper he added, “You can breathe you know, I won’t bite.” “Well not unless you ask me to” he smirked.

“What?” Alec spluttered.

“Calm down, it was a joke” Magnus laughed, “Certainly got you flustered though didn’t it?”

Was this actually happening to him? Alec thought. Was he actually stood here, with the most popular fashion designer of the moment, wearing his beautiful and expensive clothes and being hit on? Alec got the feeling he was out of his comfort zone. Scratch that. He got the feeling he had been flung into the deep depths of the ocean without an oxygen tank and was simply trying to keep himself alive. But it wasn’t horrible. Not even close, his chest felt tight and his hands shook, but it wasn’t nerves, Alec felt excited, he felt exhilarated. He let his eyes drift over Magnus’ face, he truly was beautiful, exquisite some had said, striking, and he was that, but there was a softness too, a smoke along with the flame. Alec could feel himself falling. And if that’s what Magnus wanted then maybe he would try and play him at his own game.  

“Now for shoes,” he said, summoning, seemingly from thin air, a pair of metallic silver boots.

“You don’t know my size”

“I’m assuming twelve.” Alec’s eyes widened,

“How do you know that?”

“I have instincts.” He handed Alec the boots,

“Trusting me to put my own shoes on now, are we?”

“You’re a big boy now, I can trust you.” Alec turned the colour of a literal tomato, in fact he wouldn’t even be surprised if a green stem grew out of his curly hair. He didn’t know what to say to that; Magnus was beating him. He slid the shoes on and stood in front of the mirror, no one could deny he looked drop dead stunning, not even himself. Magnus stood behind him in the mirror, his eyes sparkling with appreciation, he looked so, so beautiful. Alec felt powerful, he felt strong and capable. He felt attractive. He wanted to show himself off.

“Is it time?”

Magnus laughed, “It’s time.”

~

They walked onto the set, Izzy raising her eyes, and Jace looking briefly up from Clary, who was sat on his lap, all three of them arched their eyebrows.

“What were you doing in there for so long?” Izzy drawled, looking between the two of them and relishing in the red on Alec’s cheeks. Magnus tapped his nose,

“None of your business.” He smirked. Alec pushed him,

“Magnus!” he exclaimed, “We were trying the clothes on,” Alec stuttered, “I was trying the clothes on.”

Magnus grinned and Alec wondered when they had got so familiar, he had known him, what, an hour? And here he was grinning and pushing him, Magnus teasing him in front of his friends. The walls of status melted into the cracks on the floor.

“You look stunning.” Izzy said, thumbing the blue scarf, Alec tried to awkwardly shove his hands into his jeans, “What material is this? It’s so soft.”

“It’s kind of half cashmere half alpaca wool-“Magnus started,

“So you get both softness and durability?”

“Yes!”

Magnus and Izzy continued talking but Alec wasn’t listening, instead he was watching Magnus, the strength across his golden jaw, the slant of his nose, but most of all the glistening of his eyes, reacting perfectly to every word, like sparkling waves lapping against a beach. Alec could see that Magnus’ look was a little bit simpler from when he had seen him at the launch party, his eyelids were dusted with golden eyeshadow but he wasn’t wearing eyeliner, nor was he wearing anything on his lips. His hair had been styled into a quiff and Alec saw that the purple streaks had disappeared, to be replaced with a slight gold shimmer and he wondered how he’d changed it that fast. Maybe it was wash-in, wash-out but then he supposed Magnus was probably too fancy for that. Alec had only ever dyed his hair once, the packet had promised vibrant blue and had instead delivered, a bucket of paint fell on my head, and it had taken weeks to wash out. It had been a mistake. His hair had stayed black ever since.

He noticed Magnus was looking at him with a bemused smirk, Izzy hiding her mouth behind her hand. He must have zoned out.

“What?”

“I asked you; ‘what’s your favourite material’.”

“Umm” Alec panicked, his hands beginning to get clammy, “I- well”

“My brother doesn’t know much about fabrics,” Izzy interjected with a smile, “he’s just here to stand and look pretty.”

“Hey!”

“Don’t worry darling,” Magnus said, resting his hand on Alec’s arm, “You’re doing a great job.” He said with a wink before shouting, scratching at Alec’s ear and making him recoil, “Carl! Are we ready?”

“Thunderbirds are go!” Magnus rolled his eyes,

“Here we go,” He said. Izzy went back to sit with Clary and Jace, trying to high-five Jace and missing wildly. Alec stood in front of the camera. It was always a little nerve-wracking but with Magnus there it seemed to have been pushed to the max. He took a deep breath. He looked great, he had to remind himself. He was here for a reason. He was a professional. He stood in front of the camera and posed.

~

The light grew stronger as the day went on, filtering through the top windows. And Magnus didn’t leave once, lingering behind the camera man, directing and flirting shamelessly. It was worse than Jace (who had to leave early to teach his karate class), “it’s called self-defence!” “Whatever, same thing.” Clary had her art book stretched across her lap, her eyebrows furrowed in concentration and who knows where Izzy had disappeared to.

Soon enough the shoot was over (and Alec was just pleased they hadn’t asked him to take his shirt off). He was finishing it in a long, silky, purple jacket that was remnant of a kimono and black skinny jeans, his eyes decorated with purple eyeshadow and his hair had been curled so it stretched into his eyes. Alec felt weary but exhilarated, his veins sparkling but also longing for a lie down.

“That was a great shoot” said Magnus, walking towards Alec with a grin on his face. His quiff had come unravelled from having ran his hands through his hair one too many times, and the eyeshadow on his left eye was a little smudged but he still looked beautiful, he still beamed, Alec could still see the passion floating just above his skin.

“Thanks, it’s a great collection.”

“I mean vogue called it ‘revolutionary’, but I guess ‘great’ will do”

“You get what you’re given.”

Magnus laughed, “So I guess I’ll see you around, Alexander?” he cocked his head with an air of expectation.

“Here,” Alec said, producing a pen from where it had been stored behind his ear, he reached for Magnus’ hand and scrawled his number across it “You can call me”. And with that he turned on his heel, heading back towards his friends, and leaving Magnus reeling. Oh I will, he thought, twirling his pen around his fingers. He’d said it before, and he’d say it again; he had great taste. And he couldn’t help but feel like it was the beginning of something important.

Chapter Text

“Oh god” Alec said, tugging on his suit sleeves. “Oh god, why do you think he hasn’t called?”

Clary rolled her eyes, “Alec I really don’t think this is the time.”

“There is no ‘right time’ with Alec,” Izzy sighed, “this has been going on for weeks.” She shook her head fondly.

The three of them stood in the wings of the show. Cables wound like snakes around tree trunks, the floor splattered with little specs of white paint and several miscellaneous objects; a discarded red scarf, an old blue blow-up ball, a half-full plastic bottle. Alec’s first talk show. Things spiralled fast after his shoot with Magnus. One minute he was lounging at home watching America’s next top model, and the next he was in the magazines, cameras snapping outside of his house. Sometimes he peeked around the curtain, gazing upon the snatching teeth; grinding in anticipation. A flash. It hadn’t been long before the rumours had started. Magnus’ new boy toy. Alec Lightwood and Magnus Bane; the next power couple? He had even made the ‘one to watch’ list. Whatever that meant. It had consumed his life entirely, grabbing it and throwing it into oblivion, shaking it into black and white; Toto I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore. And yet Alec had been completely consumed by something else entirely; his phone. The small button which adorned the side should have worn out he pressed it so much; maybe Magnus rang and he just didn’t hear it (impossible since it had been glued to his hand since the shoot). He couldn’t believe he’d done it. Alec who muscled through life, head down. Alec who liked thing simple. Alec with a secret identity; a sting in the tip of his tongue. Alec who preferred to have his face in front of the camera and his life under wraps, behind the curtains. Alec who preferred privacy over fame. A rush of confidence, a spur, a quick shake of the reins. You can call me. But Magnus hadn’t. And perhaps he never would. It was a weird sensation, it not only gripped at his chest, but draped from his shoulders like a jacket which protected against the weather but didn’t match the rest of the outfit. Maybe Alec had read it all wrong, maybe he’d been too cocky, too assumptive. Maybe Magnus just didn’t like him; it had made no sense in the first place.

“Oh god, why did I do that?”

“Look forget him,” Izzy said, reaching up to place her hands upon Alec’s shoulders, she laughed, a laugh clear like clean cut grass, a laugh that cleared the head, “you’ve literally got more important things to worry about” she said gesturing to the talk show stage, where the balding man had already started to talk. There was another man, with a black headset and a cup of coffee who was glaring at them. Right, voices down.

And with us now, we have model Alec lightwood.

Alec’s leg wobbled and Izzy pushed him a little; shit, that was him.

It was as if suddenly forgot how to walk, stumbling and shuffling onto the stage, his toes banging against the edge of the stage. The man held out a hand that Alec didn’t see until sometime later, and he could hear the audience laughing. A wave. He smiled. Someone cheered.

“So,” began the man, clasping his hands and resting them upon the oak desk, “this has all happened quite fast for you, no?”

“Tell me about it.” Alec laughed, hand gripping on his tie. The audience chuckled, a wave through the throats, a ripple effect as if he had tossed a smooth stone into a pond. It skipped once or twice. But not many. It was warm and Alec was sat on a rock by a lake, there was a picnic. Alec began to relax, his back arching against the black armchair and the veins in his hands unravelling, releasing their grip on the chair.

“So, how exactly did you get into modelling, Alec?”

“Well…” Alec coughed, “It’s kind of a funny story.”

And Alec eased, his head cocking and eyes sparkling as the words flowed from his mouth. Picture
perfect. Barbie boy. His publicist (or lack there-of) would be so proud.

“My sister,” Alec subconsciously nodded towards the wings, “she found this perfect prom dress, like ideal right, and she wanted it so badly she was willing to do anything.” Alec laughed, “But it was majorly expensive, and when she asked my parents they obviously said no right.”

“Right.” Said the man, his forearms leaning against the desk. The audience seemed to leaning forward, hooking and swinging from the ends of his sentences. Alec felt a small flutter in his stomach.

“So she was looking for ways to raise the money, and she noticed an ad in the paper, asking for male models to model for this local hairdressers,” Alec paused, “and she begged me and begged me to go, holding every secret she had against me.” Alec laughed fondly, “And when that didn’t work she offered to do anything I wanted for a month, so I auditioned right, and they hired me, and it kind of happened from there.” The man smiled, “I began going to different auditions every week, just me and my sister, and I would enjoy it so much and at the end I even had money to split with my sister, and I thought it was so ideal, and in return she would clean my room and whatnot.” Alec grinned, “Truth be told I would have done it for free though, I just loved it so much”

“Your sister pimped you out for prom money?” the man chuckled,

“Yeah, essentially,” Alec grinned. From the side-lines Izzy shook her head, remembering. She was glad that she and Alec’s bond stayed strong as a rope; that it hadn’t melted as they had grown. Her brother was her favourite person in the world. Or maybe her second favourite. After Simon.

“And did she get the prom dress?”

“Yeah she did, and it made everyone else jealous, or so she told me, she was very proud of that”

“I’m sure she was...”

The man continued to ask questions; where he came from (New York), whether his parents were in show business (his father was a librarian and his mother a doctor), who was his inspirations etc. He was sure most of it would end up on the cutting room floor, like strands of old hair, wisps on the wind. He didn’t mind. There was a sort of peace in knowing that the words that fell from his mouth could be chopped and changed even after they had left his brain.

The man finally got around to talking about the shoot.

“So this shoot, the one that’s gotten everyone’s attention.” The man said, turning a thick page in a very glossy magazine to reveal a picture of Alec, a black jumper hanging of his shoulders, seemingly dripping down his torso and a pair of skinny jeans swinging from his hips. A high, appreciative sound echoed around the room and Alec grinned shyly. “It’s very impressive, and I loved this jumper.” The man said, nodding, “so, how was the shoot?” This seemed to be the question. The question people had been waiting for, people wanted to know. There was kind of a fizz in the air like the buzzing of electricity lines in the rain, dangerous but exhilarating.

“It was umm, quite magical.” Alec said, “To be completely honest.” He could feel himself blushing, turning scarlet through the layer of foundation carefully administered by Clary; a small ink stain in the corner of her bottom lip from where she had been chewing against the art pen (something Jace found both endearing and frustrating considering the price of the pens) as she furrowed her brow in concentration. All seven of them strewn across rocks at central park, Alec consistently checking his phone and Helen rolling her eyes, Aline we have to help this boy. Give it up, Helen, it’s a lost cause, laughed Izzy.

The microwave pinged as Magnus finished heating his noodles. You would think that with endless magical powers he would eat like a King, banquets of king prawns and lobster, cheesecake and filou pastry. But truth be told, when it got to this portion of the night, where the sun was longer over the hills and the window shutters started to close, batter down the hatches; the night is here; Magnus was tired, and he wanted nothing more than to eat something hot and tasteless and watch endless re-runs of America’s next top model. Truth be told Magnus had never even tried caviar. Unlimited powers. He remembered Raphael shaking his head fondly, and you choose to use it to watch re-runs and transport food directly to the couch.

You know it, Magnus had replied fondly.

He switched the TV on, snapping his head around at the sound of a familiar voice. It was Alec. The Lightwood boy. The one with the blue eyes. He was blushing profoundly, and goddamn did he look good, his black hair falling over his face and his eyes shining.

Umm it was quite magical.

Adorable.

Magnus leaned closer to the TV. There was something missing in the clockwork. The cogs were turning, but the hands weren’t moving around, they weren’t telling the time. A slight malfunction. A glitch in the matrix. How many days had it been since he had seen Alec last? 2 days? 3? He lazily clicked his fingers, landing a copy of his latest magazine in his long fingers (this one was from target) Shit. He looked at the date. 3 weeks ago. That means it must have been more than two months since he had last seen Alec.

That can’t be right.

Then again he had been busy. He still wasn’t used to being busy, well not in a mundane way, in a way that involved meetings and taxis, rather than portals and potions. It brought a weariness to his bones he hadn’t felt in years, he had started to feel his age, or at least older than nineteen. Still, it had brought him the most joy, life is about sacrifice and compromise, shrugged Ragnor Fell, pouring more popcorn in his mouth. Sometimes Magnus was amazed with some of the things he came out with. And his ability to eat mass amounts of snack foods.

Shit. He hadn’t called. What must Alec think?

He stood up, pacing towards the window, where the moon was big and bright. Magnus had never been good at keeping track of time. He kept no calendars around or clocks, he could not see the point in getting a calendar when he would just have to buy another one a year later (although he had considered buying a ‘hot men with cats’ one once; his two true weaknesses) and having a clock around merely reminded him of his ever ticking heart, of his immortality and those he would be leaving behind. Time was both a touchy and a joyous subject, a constantly flitting line between the infinite joy and infinite pain it could bring. He slid his mobile from his pocket.

Alec picked it up on the first ring.

“Hello,” he sounded a little out of breath.

“Alec? It’s Magnus”

Chapter Text

“You look happy” Aline said, eyeing Alec suspiciously as he entered the kitchen. The morning rays burned through the open window, creating a small halo around the top of her head. She wore a loose grey top that hung from her right collar bone, her black hair tied up in a messy bun, a carton of milk clutched in her left hand, the jaw of the fridge hung open in shock. A small bowl of cereal stood on the counter top. Besides that, the flat was clean. Alec was a bit of a neat freak. And whilst Aline wasn’t, her girlfriend Helen was, and she was just a third roommate without a signature or a share in the rent; so everything worked out well.

Alec had rented his first flat at eighteen, he had saved away money from countless adverts and jobs, and had hunted for the best deal. He and Izzy had gone flat hunting for months; they had seen so many variations of black mould and it needs a little work that they could probably write a book. Or several (he secretly hoped Izzy was researching book deals). It’d been a long while of traipsing up and down, of nodding and confirming, a lot of shady side glances of are you sure you’re old enough, and, I don’t think you actually know what you are doing. And then they had found this place, a steal, Simon had said in his best I-am-a-grown-up voice. (Then again it was supposedly haunted).

Incidentally, the year he bought the flat was also the same year Alec had come out to his parents. Not that the two were correlated. Except they massively were. There was a small patch of carpet where the threads and become unwoven, he had bit through his front lip and could taste warm blood like copper in his mouth. When he had looked up he had seen his father’s mouth in a hard-line, like a straight, white line down the centre of the road. Precise. The law is harsh but it is the law. His mother hid her face, her cheeks were blushed pink and her thick hair covered one eyebrow and one hazel eye. The silence was thick, and Alec half wished for screams and shouts just to confirm, just to fill the void. He would rather have that than an unspoken recognition, a half acceptance dangling from a cliff. No we love you and no you are going to hell. Just silence, running its grubby hands through his thick hair.

Alec was glad to have Izzy. So, he when he moved out, just a few weeks later, Izzy joined him. We are losing a daughter and son. Alec thought they could hardly call it losing when they had gotten a pocket knife and cut away at the ropes that bound them, but oh well, everyone’s different.

And so when Izzy had moved out three years ago Alec had put an ad in the paper. Simple. Alec was a man of few words. Looking for a roommate, flat, New York, small second room and shared kitchen/bathroom. And Aline had showed up, high cheekbones and classic hollow eyes, she seemed like a perfect china doll, her movements mechanical and her actions seemingly timid as she shyly suggested that she too was trying to get into the modelling business. Alec had felt a protective barrier around her, hard like metal, one that warned; keep your distance. She too, she said, was moving out from her parents, and she too was gay. There was a line between them, a fringed rope of solidarity, and, quickly ringing Izzy first, Alec agreed to let her live there. He soon realised what he had interpreted as mechanical movements were actually incredibly calculated, and her hollow eyes were actually full of life; she was intelligent and sharp and pretty and funny. The frayed rope became a metal rod. Alec wasn’t sure what he would do without her. Another member to his make-shift family. Family are not always blood, rather those you choose to be around; Alec firmly believed. Or at least he tried to (sometimes his father’s face floated in front of his shut eyelids).

Aline’s eyes drifted down towards Alec’s hands, noting the absence of a death grip on his mobile phone. She cocked her eyebrow.

“What changed your tune?” she said, padding towards the cereal bowl, slowly pouring the milk. Alec noticed the thick black bags under her eyes and wondered what time she had come home. She wasn’t home when he fell asleep, he had wanted to talk to her about the call. Her note said she was at some kind of club, and maybe she had gone back to Helen’s house. In fact, Alec didn’t know if Helen had a house, then again he supposed she had to emerge from somewhere. But she did seem ethereal, as if she called thin air a home. Aline span on her heel, excitedly,

“Did he call?!”

Alec grinned, “Yep”

“And?” Aline said, abandoning the milk on the side.

“And I have a date, tomorrow evening.” Alec couldn’t help but grin, illuminating his face like a christmas tree, glowing without reason, just for the joy of it all.

“Oh my god, what are you going to wear?” A new level grew, one of unease; Alec supposed it was inevitable when all your friends were models and you were trying to date a fashion designer. Still, Alec’s brow furrowed;

“I hadn’t even thought about that.” He said, frowning.

~

Before he knew it, the whole gang were gathered around his kitchen table, gazing at various items of clothing, and furrowing their brows in concentration. Izzy had even brought a scrapbook with some of his shoots in it, Clary peeking over her shoulder as she mumbled; hmm I like this shirt, but what about those shoes? Even Jace was involved, seemingly sifting through a pile of ties, Alec wasn’t aware he owned more than one tie. In fact, he strong suspected half of them weren’t his at all. Aline had Simon pinned against the fireplace, holding several cashmere jumpers against him; this one? No. She shook her head. Alec leaned against the window pane, watching the chaos unfurl, a mixture of anxiety and fondness swirling in his stomach; he felt an odd urge to bite his nails, and also to take a picture. The ragtag group, sorting through clothes, a small, mixed-up family. He felt like it would be important someday.

The doorbell rang but no-one seemed to notice as Alec launched himself off of the window sill, trudging towards the door. He opened it to a ball of bright blonde hair. Helen had perfectly mastered the art of looking rumpled and rushed but in a great way, her blonde hair falling across her freckles like rays across a river, and her small ears peeking out of the top, her blue-green eyes locking onto Alec’s.

“You look nervous”, she said, placing her coat down onto the top of the shoebox. Alec and Helen had an odd kind of connection, without any words they knew what the other was thinking, despite the fact that the only thing they had in common was a love of Aline. And disapproving parents.

“Everyone’s going wild in there…” Alec chuckled tensely, “trying to find me an outfit, and decide on my hair. I know they mean well but it’s making me think… no it doesn’t matter.”

“Go on” Helen said, her voice soft like silk and Alec was reminded of many a night, heads lulled against the radiator, three souls and three bottles of beer, planning out a future that would get melted the moment it was created, blown like a dandelion on the breeze.

Helen’s soft voice had all sorts of magical abilities. She put him at ease.

“It makes me think… that what if I’m not good enough?” Alec said, hurriedly and under his breath, and then it spilled out, like water over a cliff face, unable to slow or to stop. “I mean it took him so long to call in the first place, what if this is all a joke or just because he’s bored, or because he wants something, you know.” Helen simply listened, sensing he needed to get it out. “Like why me? You know as well as I do that in my 23 years I’ve never even had a proper relationship, I mean my little sister is getting married and you and Aline are nearing five years, and here’s me; a few flings, a few one night stands,” he didn’t even have time to blush, he was on such a roll, “and what does that tell you? That I’m unlovable” He felt tears sting at his eyes, “he clearly doesn’t want me, or he won’t once he knows me, I’m just not good enough.” Alec stopped suddenly, allowing himself to breathe, a flush of red flying to his cheeks. “Sorry” he mumbled.

“There is absolutely nothing to be sorry for.” Helen said, her voice seeming to weave around him like a soft blanket, like a mug of hot chocolate, the steam seeping into his pores, like an old battered teddy or a hug from Isabelle, like in the old days, where he would take Max to the park and push him on the swings in rain and tell him he could be whatever he wanted to be, and pretend that his tears were the rain. Alec’s nose scrunched, he could feel tears at the back of his eyes. Helen put her arms around him. “It’s perfectly natural to feel like this, but let me tell you, Alec” she put her arms on his shoulders. “You are not unlovable, you not unwanted, look at all those idiots in there, excited for you, happy for you, look at all those who love you. You are perfect, Alec, attractive, a steal. And if Magnus can’t see that,” she took a pause and smiled, “well he’s a fool.”

Alec grinned, his tension falling like raindrops onto the floor. “Thanks, Helen.” He said, hugging her again, “Thanks so much”

“Anytime, I mean it, if I weren’t gay…”

“And me” Alec laughed,

“And you.” She said, throwing her arm around his shoulder.

Aline peeked her head around the corner, some sort of bowtie (or was it a cravatte?) still clutched in her hand.

“You better not be stealing my girlfriend, Lightwood.”

“I’d watch out if I were you” Alec laughed, joining the rest of his friends and the growing pile of clothes. Izzy smiled at him, tapping a spot on the armchair next to her. Look what I found.

~

“You have a date then?” lulled Ragnor, sprawling himself over Magnus’ couch, flicking through a magazine article entitled; How to have it all; the modern woman.

Magnus raised his eyebrow, as he combed his hair for the fifth time. “Maybe.”

“Don’t lie Bane, it doesn’t suit you” Ragnor looked straight at him, “And I would leave the comb now it looks fine.”

Magnus breathed out, placing the comb down precautiously on a pile products in front of the mirror. “Fine, yes, I have a date.”

“Is that really an excuse to miss the night of fun?” Raphael stated, wandering out from Magnus’ kitchen, casually eating cereal from his pale hand. “We go every year,” he said with a fake pout, swinging himself onto the sofa and sitting next to Ragnor.

Raphael had dubbed it their ‘annual night of fun’ some years ago. Half in irony. But only half. It was a tradition, Magnus would give him that. Every year they would get extremely drunk and see where the night took them. It kept him young (and throwing up into a bucket in a stranger’s basement.) They certainly had memories; the time Magnus had woken up inside a cabin on a ship to Taiwan with a young family looking nervously at him; the time they had ‘accidentally’ ended up at the Eiffel tower past opening hours and had been chased by several angry Frenchmen as Magnus, in his drunken state, desperately tried to remember how to make a portal, the time they had snuck into the Buckingham palace and had a pillow fight, only to pass out in the pantry and be helped out by a young Prince Charles (who looked wasted himself). Magnus smiled, fondly. His small ragtag group.

“We can go next week.” Magnus said firmly, and the two men frowned like two children being denied another five minutes at the park.

“I think you at least owe us the details,” Ragnor said with a cock of the head.

“The details?” Magnus faked confusion.

“Species? Gender? Age? Where? When?”

“God you guys are such gossips”

“Well I wouldn’t know anything about God, would I?” Raphael said with a sly grin, “spill it Magnus or Ragnor will pounce on you again”

“This time I’ll be ready,” Magnus drawled, rolling his eyes “and not naked, and not in the shower”

“Karma; what goes around comes back around” Ragnor said with a shrug

“Isn’t that a Beyoncé lyric?” Magnus said

Raphael snarled, “You’re avoiding the question”

“Right” Magnus sighed, swinging onto the sofa and grabbing a handful of Ragnor’s popcorn, “so here’s the deal…”

~

The branches pressed against his spine and scratched across his face. His eyes were starting to water and his left leg was dead. Maybe he was allergic to something amid the bushes, or maybe it was the guilt. He tried not to think about; how much could it possibly hurt? He would cross himself if his hands weren’t pinned against the dirt, his right hand gripping a black camera with a zoom lens. A camera he had been proud of, that his wife had bought him some years ago. He wasn’t guilty. His daughter needed to go to college. Then again, he was. He tried to remember that his core wasn’t rotten. It was hard. The door opened and his entire body became on edge. Two people left, a boy with bright blonde hair and sharp features, his arm around a girl who seemed softer, her red hair bright like a flame. He put his other arm over his head as the rain began to fall. He seemed to laugh in time with the drop of the rain, the girl shaking her head and smiling. But there was another boy. Not another boy. The boy. The one he had been seeking, the one with black hair and blue eyes. The lines across his forehead spoke of tension, but his mouth lifted into a slight smile as he leant against the door frame, absentmindedly running his hand through his hair. The man lifted his camera. He had finally found the address. Like a trap, laying rope over the orange leaves. Wait long enough and he would have a story. And he needed a story. The boy remained oblivious. The door shut. And the paparazzi man wriggled out from under the bushes, a half-smile across his dirtied face.

Chapter Text

Magnus tapped his watch. For the third time he tried to casually scan the crowd of mid-morning lunchers. And for the third time he couldn’t see Alec. Magnus could forgive ten minutes, fifteen minutes, but it had been an hour. Which was ridiculous. Even for Magnus’ standards.

There was a man sat on table twelve who had been eyeing him suspiciously for the last half an hour. And Magnus supposed it was odd, he was in a full coattails, stood by himself, watching the hands tick round on his watch. He kept trying to find things to focus on, faking interest in the lamp post across the street, the pretty pattern of the oak leaf. The man was still staring. Then again, it could be that the man was simply trying to remember where he knew him from. Magnus was accustomed to the look, a tilt of a head, a slight clouding of the eyes and a furrowing of the brow. He was waiting for the click, the jolt of the head like a shock of electricity had hit against the temples. It was actually rather anxiety-inducing. Waiting for him to realise. And waiting for Alec. A thick tension had creeped like fog across the light, spring air. Magnus twisted and turned the ring on his finger, trying to focus on a single point, a red bench, across the way. At least he hadn’t sat down at the table, at least he didn’t have sympathetic waiters asking if he had been stood-up. At least. At least. At least. But still Magnus felt disappointed. He had truly felt as if it had been important. And that was something he had only felt once or twice in his (admittedly long) lifetime.

He breathed. Five more minutes (why was he doing this to himself?)

~

There was a hoard outside Alec’s window. Or a gaggle. Or a school. Alec had no idea what you would call a group of paparazzi. He didn’t know if they had even been assigned a name. Still, they existed. The crack of their cameras like teeth gnashing through one-way glass, the nose up close and inhaling distractingly. A shadow and a leering eye. They were coming to get you. A final word and a prayer to the heavens. Alec peered from around the curtain. A flash like lightning. Blinding.

He lay down on the bed, defeated. His long, black covered legs dangled from the edge of the duvet. That had been his wish, they could fawn over his hair and shirt and accessories all they wanted, but he was wearing skinny jeans. They had become part of him himself. He was wearing a blue and green silk shirt, picked out by Izzy, which illuminated his eyes. Alec had never really seen anything important in his eyes before the last few weeks, never even properly considered what colour they really were. But they had been called many things since Magnus’ shoot. Sea-coloured, like the sky, aqua and a river running clear. Black hair, blue eyes. Aline had put some kind of product into his hair this morning which made it particularly curly atop of his head. He had even let her put eyeliner on. And now what was it for? He couldn’t even leave his house, surrounded by black flashes and smoking pipes. The pack was mobile, they would chase the car like instinct and curl around him and Magnus, turning the air to poison. Alec wasn’t ready for it. He was hardly ready to be chatted up by a guy in daylight, never mind be paraded as Magnus Bane’s lover in public. It was overwhelming. The sea lapped against his bed.

A small knock at the door. Aline leant against the doorway, her black hair trapped in a plait that Izzy had begged her to let her try as they lay on the floor, a film playing in the background and popcorn littering the floor. A ragtag group. A gaggle. Their aspirations held like stars in glass jars.

“I’m sorry” she said, her voice, crisp and pure and Alec noted that she was wearing one of Helen’s jumpers, pure black with a small leaf charm dangling from the bottom left corner.

Alec sat up and Aline joined him, sitting next to him on the bed and letting him rest his head on her shoulder. “I knew you were looking forward to it.”

“Yeah” Alec said, attempting to hold the tears back, his voice wobbling.

“You could still go” she said, but her voice was shelled with doubt. “I could form a distraction” she laughed, “I could flirt with them?”

Alec raised his eyebrow, staring pointedly at her. She pushed him, “What I’m not that gay, I can manage it!”

“What about Helen?” he said,

“I’m sure she’d understand” Aline said sombrely. And to be honest, Alec was sure she would. Helen seemed to take everything in her stride, floating as if powered by nature itself. The definition of easy going. Alec was sure the sun was trapped within her, glowing from her hair and her eyes. She could probably come home to see Aline making out with him and shrug, shake her head, laugh and make a joke; simple but cutting. That was Helen.

“Look you need to do something.” Aline said, ruffling his hair. And Alec noted just how much she’d grown since he had first seen her, sixteen and a half, standing in their living room, a skeleton. A small flower, trapped in the shadow of a far larger tree, twisting and turning and seeking the sunlight. Hunting for its etched beams upon her face. She was almost taller than him now, her eyes level and her hand able to drape across his hair. It was comforting. “You could text him”

“And say what? By the way Magnus I’m super famous now and I am being hunted by paparazzi, oh also, by the way, I am afraid to be seen in public with you.”

“You could try and be a little friendlier,” Aline shook her head, “I mean you did get all dressed up” she laughed and Alec blushed, hiding his face. “Here” Aline said pointedly, “hand me your phone.”

~
Magnus had taken to wandering around the park, casting a glamour over himself to shade him from those who watched. He reached a small clearing, and a fountain opened up in front of him. He felt emptier somehow, the usual lightness in his step had faded and it was if it required more energy to place one foot in front of the other. He felt disappointed. The trees arched above him, filtering the sunlight like an enigma. The birds ducked and weaved through the branches as if sowing a larger pattern. To his left and to his right, Magnus could see people; bursting at the seams, wired energy trapped with burning smiles, encased in an outer-body, different colours like paint flicked from a paintbrush, a bit of red here, a bit of blue there, a beautiful arrangement. The different colours ran and smiled and held big black cameras in their hands to smile with a flash. Magnus was part of a much larger and much more beautiful painting. A warm day at the park. To go down in history. It was wondrous, he was floating. But he couldn’t stop thinking about Alec. He paced slowly towards the fountain, his head snapping whenever he saw a glimpse of black hair or a flash of blue eyes, pale skin. He was glad he had a glamour, or else people would think him completely crazy. A mark in the painting, a blur, a slip of the wrist. He perched on the edge of the fountain, feeling the cool water splash against the back of his neck. It was surprisingly relaxing. He felt himself wanting to tip backwards, to be submerged in the water, to float and watch the sky move slowly by. Had he really let Alec get so far into his head? Half of him wanted to shake himself free and the other half wanted to stay in this dreamland, floating, blissful.

But he didn’t.

Instead he sat on the edge of the fountain, trying to focus upon his designs, his next innovation, but the images were blurry, like a worn out kaleidoscope. He had another focus. One with long legs and black hair and eyes like the gentle ocean.

He felt his phone buzz inside his jacket pocket, scratching against his ribs. Magnus reached into his pocket with an eagerness which was probably a little crazy, his smile wide in a way that could be perceived as menacing if it hadn’t been for his eyes glowing like a little kid holding an ice cream. A captured moment. He held his hand out to cover the screen, letting it glow brighter.

You have one message from Alexander Lightwood.

His fingers darted across the screen, slipping and sliding as if caught in a web.

I’ve had a slight problem and won’t be able to make it. Sorry. Hope I can see you again some time? Alec x

Magnus’ heart skipped a beat. Get your shit together. He could almost imagine Ragnor, sprawled across his sofa, shaking his head, a thousand years old and you’re losing it over a kid? A cock of the eyebrow and a tilt of the head... Wow Magnus. But no matter how hard he shook his head, knocking his perfectly formed quiff from side to side, the smile clung to his face, small fingernails digging into the chalk rock.

Still. There was something odd about the text. Something vague. Slight problem. Was he playing hard to get? Was he in hospital/funeral/emergency room? Did he simply not want to make the effort? Well he could always… No. No he couldn’t. It was a breach of privacy. Still…

Magnus slowly placed his phone back into his jacket pocket, trying to focus on the trickling of the water, to focus on a particular small family, a little girl running wild after pigeons, her bare knees ingrained with dirt and her t-shirt smudged with grass stains, ice cream running down her face, flicking from her giant smile. But it wasn’t enough. It couldn’t hurt.

Magnus glided his hand into his other jacket pocket, a small grin across his face, removing a small slip of paper.

Call me; 07358127735

He placed both hands over the piece of paper, focusing clearly on Alec’s face, on the rise of his cheekbones and the curl of his hair, and the bright, bright blue of his eyes. Tracking him. He could feel himself subconsciously humming as a picture started to come to surface, as if rising from a lake, the image blurry, torn at the edges as it dripped through his memory before becoming sharp against the sky. A street name shone in his mind, and an image, of a small block of flats, a white that had faded, and windows with curtains firmly shut.

So he was at home. Did this mean he was lying? Well it couldn’t hurt to pay a visit…. No. No he couldn’t. But then again, what was eternal power if one never took advantage?

He walked briskly off, seeking for a small clearing, a shut off place where he could form a portal.

~

Alec stared at the moving pictures on the screen, his right arm subconsciously curled around a battered pillow, his legs curled onto the sofa. He could feel his breathing disrupting a rogue thread that hung from the back of the couch. He could feel the dull ache of his heart trickling along his throat. Drip. Drip. Drip. Like the leak that used to haunt the bathroom tap before Helen had convinced them to finally get it fixed. Helen was the only one with sense. Alec and Aline lived very much with an everything will be okay attitude with a hint of well it doesn’t bother me that much. Helen was more well the tap is broken and you have the money to fix it you fools (with an extra hint of the spring air).

 Aline was sat on the armchair. The upholstery faded and melted like chocolate in the sun, a chair that once boasted a pattern on sunflowers now wilted, drooping, tired. She was pretending to be submerged in the TV show, laughing in all the right places, but Alec had seen the sly side glances, her watchful eyes resting over him like a halo, coating him in a layer of warmth. She was looking out for him. As she always had. As she always would. Bound together. He tried to take his mind of the gaggle, their grunts and flashes, and off Magnus with his quiffed hair and sparkling eyes, but the people merely moved around the screen to the tune of an automated laugh track. Their movements were predictable and their lives too well-known. It meant nothing to him. And it never could. Parts of the ceiling were starting to chip, little slices of plaster peeling like war wounds, and Alec could see the white paint fading in the corners. Very little had changed since Alec had first moved in, as both of their wealth had grown they had both wanted to stay anchored, to remember ‘home comforts.’ (As code for too lazy and too scared to change). Aline was his partner in crime. Two peas in a pod. Helen would roll her eyes and sigh, trying to ‘accidentally buy too many’ Gucci pillows and vetrano coffee machines, shoving them onto their sofas and worktops with a flick of her plait over her shoulder and a laugh. Maybe her home was filled with luxurious ornaments and feather-stuffed pillows but Alec liked ruggedness. And so did Aline. A string between them. Besides, Helen couldn’t like her luxurious home too much seen as she never seemed to spend any time there. (Helen had become part of the furniture.)

She had span around an hour ago, a quick waltz, her step as light as the dandelion seeds drifting on the breeze. Her hand as light as a feather as she knocked against the back door (why she knocked Alec didn’t know seen as she basically lived there). Her pale blonde hair shimmered in the early evening light, as she quickly pecked Alec on the cheek, running her hands through his hair. Everything will be alright. Helen was a spring morning and a ripple on a lake, a drop of dew clinging to a leaf and the gentle rainfall against a roof.

“Do you want a coffee?” Aline called from the kitchen, her voice a thunderstorm to Helen’s calm.

“We’re already late” she laughed with no real cause for concern. It didn’t seem as if such trivial and human things as time could ever possibly contain Helen. Which wasn’t so great for them. Because Aline could be late to her own funeral. That girl was a small bird caught in a small room, flying in every direction but the right one.

Aline shot Alec a sympathetic glance, clutching her cream trench coat in her left hand, a small black bag swung haphazardly across her left shoulder, her right hand set firmly in Helen’s. I woke up like this. Except with Aline it was actually true, Alec could vouch for that. Helen seemed to lean into her, their auras twisting together as if to form one. Outside the sun was setting and the air was light, small sparkles floating past the window pane. “We can stay in if you like.” She said, lingering by the sofa.

“You know we’re always here” Helen added.

“I can’t stop you having a good time, you deserve it.” Alec faked a smile, gesturing towards the TV, “anyway I have Chandler”

Helen laughed. “True, although I’ve always preferred Phoebe”

“Figures” Aline rolled her eyes.

“Will you be okay with the cameras?” Alec asked. Helen peeked around the lace curtains, a flash to her eyes, a few lone cameras sat on the grass, like the meeting of mother ducks. Most of them appeared to have melted away, peeling at the seams to reveal the core, the centre of the universe of paparazzi.

“There’s only a few, and we don’t care who sees us.” Helen said, softly kissing Aline’s cheeks.

There was a small silence. Dust fairies drifted through the hallway. “Is it too late to call Magnus?” Aline asked,

“I think that ship’s sailed.” Alec said, looking just to the left of her eye.

“You know I think we should stay, we have ice-cream in the-“

“No! No! I forbid you!” Alec beamed, cracking a smile, “I’ll be fine promise, and you’re going to be late!”

Aline look concerned, but Helen led her towards the door, “You’ve got to let them grow up sometimes.” She laughed,

“Have a nice time!”

“Thanks”

And with that the door was shut. And Alec was trapped amid the summer air. Once pleasant it was now stifling, creeping over him. He felt very alone.

He sunk a little lower into the sofa.

~

Magnus came to a sudden halt, topping onto the grass with slightly too much fog caught in his throat. And still invisible. Which was a bloody good job considering the sheer amount of cameras that littered the lawn, and the sheer amount of middle aged white men which were attached to them. A whole scale of emotion. Like a rainbow. The confusion bone’s connected to the anger bone, the anger bone’s connected to the understanding bone, the understanding bone’s connected to the sympathetic bone. And so on.

Magnus stood up, brushing himself off, a rather amusing expression across his face. He was fairly certain there was a twig in his hair. He gingerly picked his way through the men (and token woman) as if attempting to avoid spots of mud while trekking in the forest, lingering briefly at the front window. Inside the lights were dim but Magnus could make out the flickering light of what had to be a TV, and the odd lilt of a laugh track. He carefully tiptoed around the side, appearing at the back door before removing his glamour as if unveiling a masterpiece (which quite frankly he was). He placed his two hands around his eyes, as if it would focus his vision as he peered through the back door window. On the sofa sat a shadowy figure, legs curled under stomach and thumb in mouth, black curls wrapping around the arm of the settee. Magnus’ heart melted just a little, his head tilting and a small smile creeping on to his face. He knocked quietly. Three times.

Chapter Text

~

A scale of emotions. The panic bone’s connected to the fear bone, the fear bone’s connected to the curiosity bone, the curiosity bone’s connected to the – Oh it’s Magnus. Alec slowly opened the back door.

“Magnus?”

Magnus looked him up and down, the rumpled teal shirt, the black skinny jeans, the dishevelled hair, a slight mark on his left cheek from where he had been resting against the sofa. He smirked. The rest of the evening a blur, this moment sharp in his mind, sharp as a tack. Bright and bold and beautiful.

“You look good, Lightwood.” And there was the blush. Magnus smiled. He was here. And he was now, the dust settling into dark like silt at the bottom of the lake.

“Here I bought something for you.” Magnus said, quickly twirling his hands behind his back to reveal a bottle of white wine. Alec was silent, a small puzzled look half way between confusion and awe.

“How did you know where I lived?” He said, twisting his head slightly, the only movement from a body that was otherwise entirely still, frozen in shock from seeing him. Magnus quickly panicked, had he remembered to put his contacts in? Or was Alec staring into luminous cat eyes, shining in the dark like a warning sign, the devil is here to collect you, and his name is Magnus Bane. His heart started to flutter. Those devil eyes. They would be the death of him. For not the first time in his life Magnus half-wished for normal eyes, to conform, to be one of the many, a brown eyed nation. But the sides of Alec’s mouth had started to upturn. A slight glimmer in his eyes. God his eyes were beautiful, the gentle movement of the sea or the blur of the sky. Everything would be okay.

“Magic powers.” Magnus laughed, “Now are you going to let me in or are we going to stand here forever, because frankly dusk, though romantic, isn’t my best light.”

The dimming light seemed to seep into the house, connecting the man-made and natural world. The artificial darkness and the night melting together, shaking hands. A meeting. A melting. Alec still seemed in shock.

“Yeah… sure… come in.” He said, shifting to one side to allow Magnus through. The house is a mess. The furniture’s worn. Omg do we even have any food. Alec didn’t know when he had turned into a middle-aged mother of four, but he was in full nest mode now, resisting the urge the plump up the pillows.

“Sit down.” He said, fiddling with his thumbs and motioning towards the sofa, reaching for the artificial light. Letting it burn against his corneas, let it fizzle at nature’s home-grown darkness.

“You’ve got a lovely place.”

“Don’t lie” Alec blurted, feeling the blood rush to his cheeks before the last of the sentence had even been rushed out. Magnus raised his eyebrows, placing the wine down on the stained coffee table.

“What do you mean?”

“Well…” Alec said, embarrassed now, watching the pattern of the tree and the light against his shiny black shoes only for special occasions. Money didn’t make a difference, some things never left, some were ingrained like a pre-school declaration of love on a withering tree. “I’m just sure you’re used to fancy touches, and well, this place umm isn’t.”

“Calling me a snob?” Magnus grinned, walking around the sofa and taking Alec’s hands, “I like it Alec,” he grinned, pausing. “And I like you.” He kissed him gently on the cheek, wandering in a general direction, “Now where’s the kitchen? We could do with some wine glasses.”

~

Magnus had never been in a room before which had been able to talk. He had visited many magical places, and held so much magic company, but to be a room, a mundane room, where personality dripped from the wallpaper, where voices curled at the edges. He had never before been in a flat where waves rolled from the wallpaper and off the carpet. Had never been in a place that was so physically entwined with its owner. But Alec’s place was, warmth hid in the cracks and comfort could be found in abundance down the back of the settee. Magnus felt its arms wrap around him. It was home. Alec came out of the kitchen, the evening light dusting the top of his head like a wedding cake, two glasses clutched in his hands and his face a beaming contrast to the surrounding setting.

“Here,” he said, sitting down on the sofa by Magnus at a respectable distance, clutching his wine glass with two hands the way one might a mug of hot cocoa on a cold night. There was only one flash left on the lawn. Magnus guessed the rest had been intercepted by the cold, by the promise of a duvet and a mug of tea. Still one remained. A crack of lightning against the dark sky.

It started to rain.

Actual rain. Hammering against the roof, against the panes, against the very existence, drumming its fists, like a toddler in a tantrum. Alec wanted to shift closer to Magnus. But he didn’t. Instead he sipped his wine, ignored Magnus’ side glances and tried to pretend he could still hear the tv, the same jokes he’d heard a thousand times. Home.

~

Alec was expecting the rain to be a flash in the pan, a quick thunderstorm. But it just didn’t stop. Hammering and hammering until Magnus couldn’t help but laugh at the two of them sitting at a respectable distance pretending to still be able to hear the TV. He could almost see the twitch in Alec, how he wanted to move closer and closer. The lightning cracked against the window panes and the final man-made flash called it a day, beaten by nature itself. Nature will always prevail. Magnus extended his hand, clicking the TV off.

“Don’t lie to me Lightwood, there’s no way you can hear that.”

“No” Alec said smiling, edging a little closer. The dregs of his wine lapped at the edges of his glass, parched, needing more more more.

“Here” Magnus said, reaching for the wine from the scratched coffee table, never once breaking eye contact. He poured Alec’s first and this his own. He reached his arm out, to clink their glasses together.

“To us” he said, revelling in the way Alec’s eyes lit up in the dim light, the way he subconsciously shifted closer.

“To us” Alec whispered, raising his hand as if to take a drink. But before he could, Magnus’ lips were on his, bitter and sweet from the wine but soft as well, the vague sense of vanilla or cherry. Alec felt a shiver down his spine and he leaned his forehead a little closer, relishing the soft and sweet and gentle. The darkening air felt lighter, floating around him like a halo, like a warm embrace. He felt safe and warm. He was home.

Alec giggled as he broke away, making out Magnus’ grin through the shadows.

“Well…” Alec laughed, “That was nice.”

“Nice? I think you’ll find it was excellent.”

“Hmm” Alec giggled, “Maybe”

~

The carpet was grass weaving around his ankles, the cracks in the ceiling the night sky. He was on a picnic and could feel the cool air weave in and out, the softness of the picnic blanket against his knees, and a gorgeous boy’s hand in his. He leant to the side, resting his head against the sofa, moving closer so that he could see Magnus’ eyes in the now complete darkness.

“You’re really beautiful you know?” Alec was starting to slur his words a little, much to Magnus’ amusement.

“I’ve been told.” Magnus smiled, “You’re not so bad yourself though.”

“Not so bad?” Alec raised his eyebrows, “I think you can do better than that.”

“I can, you’re drop dead gorgeous, beautiful, light of the earth.”

“Better” Alec laughed.

“I’m being serious.” Magnus said, his drunkenness only slightly behind that of Alec’s (who had always been a little bit of a lightweight – ask Clary he had once got drunk at her younger cousin’s party and offered to do face paint – guess how well that turned out).

Alec pushed Magnus, smiling, and leaning closer to his face once more before placing his lips on his, soft and sweet as he ran his hands through his hair.

Magnus broke away, “I’m being deadly serious, looking into your eyes is like being cast away at sea, floating, but without the fear of being eaten alive. Like the stars in the sky above.”

Alec shook his head, “you cheesy motherfucker”

“It’s true!”

And then they were kissing again, stronger this time, Alec pushed Magnus against the edge of the sofa, running his hands over his shoulders as he continued to kiss him, getting lost completely in the moment. Anything could be anything. The spots of plaster were the stars above and they shone, just for them, the entire world, the entire solar system shone and spun and looked down on them, blessing them and bathing them in heavenly starlight. Alec grinned, as Magnus moved to remove his jacket. Alec cocked his eyebrow,

“I’m just warm.”

“Hmm”

“It’s true!”

“I wonder why”

Magnus blushed. Alec had never seen him blush before. Didn’t even know it was possible. Yet, his cheeks had started to bloom like flowers in the spring as he tried to hide his eyes behind his sleeve.

“You’re too much” Magnus giggled.

“Am I?” And with a rush of energy, Alec stood up, his curls closer to the stars. He extended his left hand; here, come with me. Magnus took his hand, and nearly pulled him back onto the sofa, before wobbling to his feet. His head spun a little. It’s hard to tell how much you’ve drunk when you stay in the same position, but the empty bottles of wine that adorned the coffee table was probably a good indicator.

Alec took Magnus’ hand and led him slowly up the stairs.

~

The sun was pale and fair and everything that the darkness the night before hadn’t been. Alec’s head hurt a little. The curtains billowed and the duvet cloaked him. He felt warm and safe. A small smile crept upon his face like the rising sunlight. The light sprinkled a glow across the room, scattering across the chest of drawers and onto the carpet, and round onto the other side of the bed. But the other side of the bed wasn’t empty as it usually was. In place of a crisp white sheet and a snug duvet was a boy, his skin golden and his dark hair river currents over the pillow, his face soft and smiling slightly as he slept. Magnus Bane.

Wait.

Magnus Bane?

What the hell happened, Lightwood?

Chapter Text

A mild lump of panic set up camp in Alec’s throat, blocking all roads, all routes. What had happened? And what would be the consequences? He had vague flashbacks to a thin sheet of paper, a thick title at the top Physics experiment. What do you expect the outcome to be? But who could have expected this. And would it mess everything up?

The golden question.

Magnus still hadn’t stirred, his face tranquil and his throat lump-less. Full steam ahead. Alec tried hard to remember. He remembered the rain, the heaviness as it beat down, and he remembered a softness, a softness within Magnus’ arms. He didn’t remember anything else. Maybe all we did was sleep. Maybe.

He wanted to ring Raphael or maybe Ragnor, but he felt as still as a stick of driftwood, lost and alone on a wide, wide sea. He could feel the duvet lapping closer around his body, one small move would create a ripple effect, would lap against Magnus. The ocean spray flicking against his face, slowly waking him up. Alec both wanted him awake and didn’t. He wanted it over with but he feared the consequences. A ball on a string. A wire strung tight. A time turner.

A small stretch. A small yawn. And Magnus’ eyes were open. Only slightly. But it was significant. He smiled.

Good morning, Lightwood.

His voice, usually clear, had a slight edge, like fog rolling over the lake, like mist over an early-morning sunset. It dripped like a small waterfall into the ocean, joining with the earth itself. Alec was a little taken aback. He pushed himself up on his arms, and sat up against the pillow. He sensed Alec’s rigidness.

He cocked his head, “What’s up?”

“Oh nothing.” Alec blurted, “You know, I’m cool, I’m breezy.”

Magnus spluttered, “Breezy?”

Alec blushed, “Breezy” he stated once more, as if to confirm it (Magnus half expected a business-like nod).

Magnus shook his head, “You are cute, Lightwood.”

There was a small silence, a ripple out in the distant ocean that no one sees. No one feels. No one hears. If a tree falls in the forest, and no one is around to hear it does it really make a sound? If Magnus is in my bed but no one is around to see it, is it really happening?

Alec sat up a little, feeling suddenly self-conscious about his bare chest, feeling an urge to pull the duvet up towards his neck, as if what lay below was sinful; never to be seen.

“Umm Magnus?”

“Yes darling?”

“What happened, umm, last night?”

Magnus laughed, “You mean, did we…”

“Yes” Alec wasn’t sure if he’d ever been this embarrassed in his life, he was almost certain his cheeks were going to start dripping red onto the white bed sheets. Like melted crayon wax down a pristine radiator, look what you’ve done now, you’ve made a mess.

“No, you dragged me up here, all drunk and I respectfully tucked you into bed.” Magnus smiled, he was enjoying this. Alec could tell. He was drawing out his syllables, relishing Alec hanging on his every word. “And I only stayed once you asked me,” Magnus laughed, tilting his head back, “begged me actually.” He said with a wink. “You have nothing to worry about, I’m a perfect gentleman. Of course,” he said, his voice drawling as if turning full circle, “I could have done anything and you wouldn’t know, the state you were in.”

Alec blushed, he half-heartedly shrugged hi“You’re only young once”

“Hmm” Magnus turned his head away. Did I say the wrong thing?

“But thank you, honestly, it means a lot.” Alec rushed.

“You’re welcome” Magnus said, leaning it to peck Alec gently on the nose. Alec smiled, feeling the light morning air across his back.

~

The door swung open and Alec flung the covers over Magnus’ head, attempting to act nonchalantly, as if he’d just woken up. He tried to ignore his heart fluttering threefold.

“What the hell just happened?” Aline said, her grey pyjama top hanging loosely from her left shoulder and her hair falling neatly against her shoulders despite the questionable night she’d had before (judging from the thick mascara that still adorned her eyelashes).

Alec was bright red. “How many times have I told you to knock?”

Aline’s eyes widened, as if shaking the sleep from them, “Is there someone else in here?” she grinned, “way to go Alec!” Alec loved Aline, like a sister, like his own flesh and blood, but she truly did not have a single bone in her body that knew how to be subtle.

“Aline, please, go, leave.”

“Your wish is my command, Alec.” She smiled, “Can’t wait to tell Helen, our little boy, all grown up.”

“Shut up!”

“Helen!”

“Aline, I mean it, you have to leave.”

And with that she grinned even wider, closing the door behind her. “Have fun!”

Magnus emerged from the covers, his hair wild and sticking out in fifteen different directions, evidently his hair did not possess the same magical quality as Aline’s, an eternal perfection, even first thing in the morning. But his skin looked soft, and across his mouth was written a giant grin.

“Do you know who I am, Lightwood?”

Alec laughed, “I am so sorry”

“You can’t go shoving multi-award winning, hot-right-now fashion designers, models and photographers under the duvet whenever you feel like it.”

“There’s a first time for everything.”

“You” Magnus said, shaking his head, before leaning in, kissing him. It wasn’t the kiss from last night. It wasn’t dark and there wasn’t rain pummelling away at oblivion, there was no intensity and no night sky, but it was soft and sweet and reminded Alec of the ocean.

“Come on” Magnus said, “Let’s go do some damage control.”

~

Magnus strolled into the kitchen, his hair still rugged, one of Alec’s jumpers pulled over the top of his borrowed pyjama bottoms. It had a hole in the right sleeve, right around where the thumb was. Alec trailed behind him sheepishly, Aline and Helen sat at the breakfast bar, heads leaned forward, hair swinging forming a silent space between them. They seemed engrossed in conversation. Chattering away like twin birds on a branch, Alec could only imagine what they were saying, Alec had a boy in his bed. Maybe they were more like aunts to him than sisters, maybe that was it, the embarrassing aunts that chattered on about your love life, oblivious to the red flush across your cheeks, but who still brought you chocolate and squeezed you way too hard when you went in for a hug. Yes, Alec thought. That was it.

“Aline, Helen” Alec said, snapping their attention away from each other, “This is Magnus”. A small smile spread across his face, amplified by the morning light, spreading across all four corners of the kitchen. Helen dropped her spoon into her cereal.

“Magnus Bane?” Helen said, and Alec swore it was the only time he had seen her genuinely shocked. Her face, normally calm and airy, as light as the white hair that adorned her head had shifted, her mouth hung open like a door fallen off its hinges.

“Is that who was in there with you?” Aline said. Alec wanted to hide his face behind his oversized shirt sleeve.

“Aline!” Helen exclaimed, shaking her head. Her composure was back. “You’ll have to excuse my girlfriend, she is incapable of subtly, and apparently has no filter.”

“Don’t worry about it, nice to meet you.” Magnus said, extending his hand. And right in that moment Alec swore he was timeless, a magnificent blend of old and new, like an apothecary table with a lick of paint; new vintage. He swore he could see him, top hat and waistcoat, swinging around a pocket watch and talking about Queen Victoria’s latest decision. It was as if with every move he made Magnus fascinated him more and more.

Helen took his hand, shaking it with a slight grin.

“Alec’s been telling us all about you” Aline said, her grin an amplified version of Helen’s own, bigger, bolder, brighter. She reached her hand out to shake Magnus’.

“Has he now?” Magnus said, turning towards Alec with a smile.

~

“Wait till Izzy hears about this!” Aline said, almost jumping out of her barstool in excitement.

“You’re not going to tell her, I mean it, Aline” Alec said, his serious voice being contradicted by the blush that littered his face. Magnus stood at the side-lines, watching the whole affair with a rather bemused expression across his face.

“Can’t stop me”

“Helen?”

“Don’t ask me, I’m not her keeper,” she shook her head, “she has a mind of her own, you know that.”

“And Izzy has the biggest mouth of anyone I know, and you know that,” Alec retorted, “she’ll tell Simon, and then Jace and Clary and before you know it Sebastian will be giving me a call to congratulate me!”

The door opened with a bang, “do I hear my ears burning?” asked Izzy, leaning against the door frame, one eyebrow cocked and a hand on her hip. Aline burst out laughing, falling against Helen like a hyena.

“Ignore these children,” Helen said, “Can I get you something to eat, Magnus?”

“Don’t you worry, it’s always fun to get a bit of light morning entertainment, and is there anything more entertaining than a flustered Alec?”

Helen laughed. Alec was a red so bright he could have matched the strawberries sitting in the top shelf of the fridge. He wanted to melt into the floor.

“Magnus Bane, pleasure to see you” Izzy extended her hand, “again.”  She nodded her head towards her brother, “Alec”.

Alec wanted to die. In fact he thought he was, there was a bead of sweat rolling down his forehead and nose like a coin, a party trick, look what I can do!

“That’s enough” Helen laughed, “look at the poor boy.” Magnus nudged his shoulder against Alec’s.

“Welcome to the family” Alec said meekly, a round of laughter. The morning light flooded the kitchen.

“Look, Magnus, Izzy, sit down, let me make you some breakfast.” Helen said, gesturing towards the breakfast bar. She smiled, her face glowing, reflecting the morning rays like a mirror. Magnus took a seat.

Alec’s face was slowly returning to its usual colour, and he raised it slowly as if testing the waters, trying to see whether the storm had passed, to examine the damage. The boat rocked a little, but most was still, and on the horizon Alec could see a faint blue sky, faltering slightly, but there nevertheless. Aline grinned at him, before launching herself at Izzy, raving over her style of hair. And Izzy discussed animatedly, her hand gestures nearly proving fatal to Aline’s cup of coffee. Across the room Alec and Magnus shared a secret smile. And it was becoming, slowly he was being worked in, he was becoming part of the painting, just another figure, another brush stroke in the wider picture. Home.

Chapter Text

“I can’t believe it. Can you believe it?” Aline’s eyes lit up, glittering and dazzling, the light bouncing around the room. So far from the lowered head and shaking hands in that dim room, that one moment of connection, roommates.

Like soulmates, for rooms.

A shaking of the head and a rope tied in between them. Permanently there. Friends for life. BFF. Destined to be dragged back together.

Helen laughed, “For the thousandth time, I can’t believe it either”, she intertwined her hand with Aline, placing a kiss gently on her forehead. Her soft, blonde hair had been plaited gently around the sides of her head, small little flowers woven in between each braid. She seemed to radiate lightness, her skin glowed and the flowers stitched a small halo into her head, and for not the first time in his life Alec was awestruck by how ethereal she seemed. A perfect fairy.

Aline grinned back, “Thank you so much” she said (for the thousand and first time) reaching her hand out to shake Alec’s, her other arm still wrapped around Helen.

“Hey it’s all you guys” Alec smiled. Aline scoffed, rolling her eyes, “Don’t lie, we all know it pays to know the guy who’s sleeping with Magnus Bane.”

Alec’s eyes were glued to the floor, a pool of bright red stretching across his cheeks.

“You’ve embarrassed him” Helen said, her laugh as light as a bell.

“It’s not hard.” Aline said, punching him lightly on the arm, “Our Alec lights up faster than a Christmas tree.”

Our Alec. He wished his younger self could see this, a room warm and light and adorned with love, weaved into the twinkling lights, his best friends laughing and encircling him, about to do the best job in the world. He wished he could tell the Alec that stood staring at the carpet, a lump in his throat, his father’s watchful and expectant eye guarding over him, chasing down his spine, the Alec who was terrified to go home after sports day. He could still hear it. Dark kitchen, the dim lights casting a shadow, a young boy, soft pyjamas buttoned up to his neck, his curls amass upon his head, a teddy clung in one hand. His ears curving round the door. Playing spies.
He’s just not the son I wanted. Hushed and echoing from the kitchen tiles.
You need to be easier on him.
How can I be? How can I be when every time I look at him, I see a disappointment? The one to carry on our line, my family name? A thousand years of strong men, and now him? I despair.

It wasn’t long till he was out of that kitchen, out of that house, and into a new one. A perfect nuclear family of four to become five. There’s a baby in mummy’s tummy. And a lump in brother’s throat.

The son his father always wanted. Alec could feel him coming.

And he was born. His hair black as night, like Alec’s, like Izzy’s. His eyes blue, like Alec’s. He is family. This is my brother. His heart swelled and he wanted to make it stronger, make it stretch like elastic, make it cover this tiny baby’s little head and protect him from the world, from the biting cold and the howling winds. From the big, bad wolf man who wanted to knock their home down. He could feel tears starting to gather in his eyes, like on that day, a tear on a fresh baby’s head, his father’s head turned away, shaking a little. And he could feel it, his father’s wishes and his father hope manifested in the tiny baby, like a seedling destined to grow into a giant oak tree.

My one true heir.  

From then on it was football onesies and mini boxing gloves and monster trucks. But Max wasn’t interested. The goalposts in the garden lay abandoned, the monster trucks gathered only dust, and his father grew more tired and more angry. And Max slept in Alec’s bed wherever he could, his face damp as he snuggled into his chest. And Alec put his arms around him, because Max would not be Alec, he wouldn’t stand by that kitchen door, and hear the words disappointment. He would not hear them echo around his head, forever unsettling him, like placing a foot out and realising there’s no more steps, forever faltering, forever doubting.

Alec would protect him.

Or at least he would have. Had big bad wolf man not blown them all away. Alec hadn’t seen Max since he moved away. He guessed he was around eleven now, starting big school, his bubble smashed. The idea of all the milestones he was missing burned a hole in his heart. A small figure growing smaller in the shadow of his father.

He felt tears grow in his eyes, and he shifted his head away, the world around him becoming blurred.

“Hey Alec are you okay?” Aline turned away from Helen, her eyes reaching across with a glint of sympathy,

“I’m all good.” And their eyes locked, and she knew. They knew each other inside out. Dark nights leaning against the sofa, a bowl of popcorn and a flickering screen, long-winded stories that were easier to say with the lights off, and a pair of listening eyes, a hand to hold. A constant.

“Good” she smiled, “Everything’s going to be good.”

~

“Ah Alec,” Magnus exclaimed, his hands performing grand gestures, the light catching his silver nail polish, “Aline, Helen.”

He looked even more extravagant than usual, his hair had streaks of silver, and was a little longer than last time Alec had seen him, curling round his ears and dusting his shoulder blades, shook with glitter so that it shimmered under the lights, like a small knitted halo. A white turtleneck jumper clung to his neck underneath a black velvet jacket, hugged tightly over his frame.

“Dashing as always” Aline said, “Love the glitter”

“Always an essential.” He winked, “Now, let’s get you ready.”

~

The girls looked beautiful as usual. And Magnus had done so well in establishing their own individual styles. Helen’s dress was white and floated like a wave across her petite frame. Like a dandelion seed on the breeze, a small wisp floating on the wind. Aline’s eyes were darkened, a dark blue and white jumpsuit fitting perfectly with an electric blue bow in her hair, a power stance and a look that said, don’t cross me, I know how to make thunderstorms. And Alec could vouch, he had no doubts that she had the power.

But it was the shots of them together which were the best. Their different energies balancing perfectly against each other, their smiles widened and their bodies relaxed in each other’s presence. Strong, Loud, Bold, Caring, A steady rock. Light, Free, Gentle, Caring, A wave upon the sand. Alec couldn’t help but grin looking at them. He was glad Aline had found her light.

~

“Wait.” Magnus said. “You’re not even a model?”

Helen laughed, “Not even a little bit.”

“She teaches music to primary school kids.” Aline said, her head leaned against Helen’s shoulder. The eight of them piled into the small living room, the light dwindling out the window, a couple of bottles lay abandoned in the middle of the makeshift circle, a deck of cards scattered amid the tangle of limbs and alcohol.

“No way” Magnus shook his head, “You’re a true natural.”

“She is at most things,” Aline smiled, and Helen shook her head softly.

“She just being modest” chirped Izzy.

“Wait, so what do you guys do all you guys do then?” Magnus said. He had swapped his turtleneck for a loose fitting black t-shirt, hanging from his collar bones, his legs crossed and leaning back on his hands, half a knee overlapping onto Alec’s. His features seemed softer somehow in the dim light, and Alec felt a small lull in his chest, a small warmth lighting up his smile.

“Well me, Izzy and Aline are the models.” Alec said, his words slurring a little.

“You’re totally drunk!” Aline shouted

“Am not!”

“I tell you, Magnus, he’s always been a lightweight that one, can’t take him anywhere, or you’ll end up carrying him home.”

“I’ll keep that in mind” Magnus laughed, leaning over and placing a small kiss on Alec’s burning cheek.

Izzy smirked.

“I’m a makeup artist.” Clary offered, Jace’s arm slung around her shoulder “And this one is a karate teacher” she laughed.

“I’m a law student!” Jace protested.

“But you do also teach Karate” Alec interrupted, raising his eyebrows.

“Yeah… well there is that” Jace laughed.

“You would make a great model, very angular.” Magnus added, with a wink.

“Oh I know” Jace said, sitting up a little, “Couldn’t deal with all the divas, me, don’t like the drama, I like things simple.”

“Like Karate and Law?”

“Exactly. Match made in heaven.”

“And I’m an intern at the moment,” Simon interjected, pushing his glasses further up his nose, “training to be a camera man, for all the big films and stuff.”

“Going to be a star is this one.” Izzy said, smiling at him widely. Looking at Simon was the only time Alec had ever seen her soften, shedding her bold and bright and strong exterior. It was sweet really.

The eight of them, entangled and happy. A group of souls stretching for the sky.

~

They peeled off one by one, Aline falling asleep against Helen’s shoulder, Simon making (slightly slurred) excuses about his ‘big day’ at work tomorrow (that boy was excited by everything), him and Izzy lingering in the doorway, the moon bouncing from their curls. Clary was stumbling about trying to get people to dance, Magnus and her did a rather interpretative jive to ‘sorry’ by Justin Bieber before she fell over and couldn’t get up and until Jace carted her away, a fondness in his eyes and her curls still somehow perfectly in place. Which left Aline and Helen, dozing off on the sofa, wrapped up in each other.

“I guess I better make a move.”

“Already?”

“Alec the sun is coming up”

“And it’ll go back down again, and the world still turns and the earth still spins” (Alec was rather aware of himself becoming a little bit of a drunken mess)

Magnus laughed, “That’s true”, he kissed him softly, running his hands through his hair, “but me and you have all the time in the world my love.” He leant his forehead against Alec’s, “and I’ll be back tomorrow.” And with one last ruffle of Alec’s hair, he stood up, swinging his jacket over his shoulder. (Alec swore alcohol didn’t even touch him). “Give the girls my best, love you.” And with that he left, the door closing behind him softly.

On the sofa the Aline and Helen still slept, and Alec rested his head against one end, tilting his head back as if expecting to see a sky full of stars. He felt warm and full and happy.

And Magnus had said he loved him. Did that really just happen?

Alec smiled so hard he thought he might be becoming his own source of light, the happiness lit inside him like a candle glowing inside out. Alec closed his eyes, and, on the sofa a small twitch of a smile spread across Aline’s face. Love and light. Light and love.  

Chapter Text

Alec’s heart beat a little faster than usual, making his bowtie flutter like a bird’s wings. The room was dark, the moon bright and glowing through one of the high windows, reflecting light onto glitter streamers hanging from the walls, and a disco ball overhead (which was very 80s if you asked him). A million people interweaved like cloth, as if their mingling and careful movement would form a pattern, a stitch in a much more complex piece of fabric. It was quite a sight, long dresses of every colour gracing the floor, the gentle swish of skirts running along the wooden floors, black suits with white shirts and in the middle of it all was Magnus, expertly moving from one person to the next like a rehearsed dance. A brilliant smile lit up his face, crinkling his eyes at the corner, his hair formed perfectly into a quiff. His suit jacket was metallic purple and caught the light from the disco ball, forming his own little spotlight, a little halo over his head. Centre-stage. He really was a sight, and not for the first time Alec understood the phrase, he lit up the room. The thought brought a small smile to his lips.

It was the first party he was attending as Magnus’ date, as his love interest, as his boyfriend? To say it was nerve wracking would be an understatement. The whole room was filled with important people, people with power, people in suits that cost more than Alec’s house, and not to mention people who were so unbelievably beautiful it was hard to comprehend. Alec couldn’t ever fit into this world, the high-class lifestyle seemed so above him still, a bigger world he failed to even picture himself in, slipping on the last wrung of the ladder, the stars always out of reach. He hovered near the buffet (which seemed to have swapped the regular finger sandwiches for crudités and lobster pâté), a glass of prosecco in his hand, resisting the urge to push himself further into the shadows; to let his black suit meld into the shadowy walls. He was a small fish in a incomprehensibly big bowl.

“Alec?” It was Helen.

Helen had always seemed ethereal to Alec, there was something about her walk, about the way her blonde hair curled around her ears, about the way her eyes sparkled that made her seem slightly above the rest of them, as if she hovered on a slightly higher plane, a silver cloud. But that night she was breath-taking. She was dressed in a long white dress, its full skirt moving as if of its own accord, lapping like the waves of the sea. Tiny pearl earrings hid shyly in her ears, glittering in the light. She didn’t seem to walk but rather float, as beautiful as a fairy.

“Wow. Helen.” Alec said, kind of tongue-tied, “You look beautiful.”

Helen blushed, the pink spreading across her angular cheeks, “Doesn’t she just” came another voice, and Aline turned the corner, a perfectly wide grin across her face. Her hair was pinned up in what looked like a complicated way, Alec spied at least fifteen crystal clips, the silver pins seeming to glitter and shimmer in her hair like stardust. Her dress was shorter than Helen’s, black and velvet with a skirt that flared from her waist to her knees, swishing as she walked. Her lips were bright red and her eyes were perfectly made-up, shining like the night sky. Perfect contrast. Night and day. Light and dark. Alec didn’t think he’d ever seen such a perfectly balanced couple.

“You both,” Alec said, already feeling slightly more at home, “look incredible, as always” he said, pulling them both into a hug, “I’m so glad you could come.”

“Are you kidding?” Aline laughed, “As if we would miss a big fancy party, with free lobster,” she smiled, “there has to be some perks to your flat mate dating Magnus Bane.”

“Did I hear my name?” Magnus arched his eyebrows, “My ears are burning.” He snaked his arm around Alec’s hips, pulling him closer and kissing him on the cheek, “You girls look stunning.”

“They have me to thank for that” Izzy interjected, pulling Simon with her on her arm like a glamourous accessory. Simon’s glasses were slightly wonky to match his wonky bow tie. His hair was ruffled and Alec could tell that the ends of it were still wet, curling slightly. The sleeves of his suit were slightly too small and Alec wondered the last time he wore it (still he appreciated the effort).

“I was trying to take a look at that camera!” Simon complained.

“Hey you can put a nerd in a suit but underneath it’s all the same.” Izzy joked. She looked stunning, but then she always did. She was always the most impressive person in the room, and as she flipped her hair over her right shoulder Alec swore he saw an intern’s jaw literally drop open. He stifled a giggle, poor soul.

“Nice to see you, Izzy” Magnus nodded, “Simon.”

“Congrats on the launch” Simon said, pulling nervously on his sleeve. “I noticed that you seemed to shoot the video on a Canon cinema EOS…” Izzy seemed to grip his arm a little harder,

“Simon” she said softly, “he doesn’t care about that kind of thing.”

“Actually Izzy,” Magnus said, letting go of Alec’s waist, “It was my decision, I just don’t think other cameras come close to having the same focus and aperture quality.”

Simon’s face lit up, his voice becoming a little stronger, clearer, and more confident. “Yes! I know right, I would absolutely kill to be able to shoot on one of those, I did use one once briefly on a shoot, it was only a temporary situation but it was amazing, the picture quality was out of this world –“ he trailed off, but Magnus smiled, and looked interested.

“God is there anything you don’t do, Magnus” Aline said, not letting go of Helen’s arm and rolling her eyes.

“Not really, what can I say, years of experience.” Magnus smirked, (more years than they could ever know.)

“Where’s Clary anyway” Magnus said, scanning the crowd for her famous red hair, “And Jace?”

“I saw them a minute ago…” Izzy said.

“Present!” Clary shouted from behind Alec, her hair slightly more messed up than when Izzy had last seen her, and Jace’s bowtie seemed to be noticeably missing. Alec raised his eyebrows, he didn’t even want to know what they’d been up to, and where. The pair’s hands were entwined, a unit, and Alec could only hope that five years into his relationship he could still be as hopelessly in love as the two of them. That he would still look at Magnus like the world hung on his shoulders.

“Much obliged” Magnus said, smirking. A guy behind Jace seemed to be staring rather intensely at Jace. And Alec didn’t blame him, Jace really did look like an angel, which wasn’t even an exaggeration, he didn’t know anyone who hadn’t been in love with him at some stage, though of course he’d never had eyes for anyone except for Clary. It wasn’t often he saw Jace in a suit, but he really did look at home in it, and of course he looked twice as good as usual, if that was even possible. With a blush, Alec remembered his old crush on Jace. The first time he had seen him had been just after Clary had started doing his make-up a few years back, he’d come through the doorway, his blonde hair swept to one side, an over-sized grey jumper hung from his shoulder blades, exposing two sharp and angular collar bones. Hey I’m Jace he’d said, Is Clary around? And it had taken Alec an embarrassingly long time to reply, his face as red Clary’s hair. Clary had noticed, Alec was sure of it, but she only rolled her eyes, she was used to it, the Jace factor. They came as a package deal. Still the past was the past, (who could blame you? Magnus had said when he’d drunkenly confessed his crush to him one night – the boy’s a God).

Clary’s dress was dust rose and perfect matched her rose skin, like a perfect flower, Jace had said, kissing her, will you two get a room, Izzy had quipped.

A large dysfunctional family.

“I have business to attend to” Magnus, said his eyes lighting up, “See you later?” he turned to Alec, kissing him a little too passionately considering he was surrounded by people (Alec was easily embarrassed by PDA).

“Later” Aline said, grinning and punching Alec in the arm.

~

“You seem enamoured” Raphael whispered.

“You could say” Magnus replied.

“You gonna tell him?”

“What?”

“You know what, the whole by the way you’re going to get old and die and I’m going to be young and beautiful forever,” He raised his eyebrows and whispered “the whole shebang” Magnus looked down at his feet, worry pinching at his upper lip. “You can’t put it off forever,” Raphael said, trying to catch his eye.

“I know that, it’s just tough you know”

“You really like him, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you want my help, I have a coming-out book for teens, or a power point?”

Magnus punched him on the arm, “This is serious Rafe”

“Just don’t leave it too long, mundanes aren’t too fond of being lied to.”

“I know, I know I’ll get to it I promise.”

He caught sight of Alec across the room, laughing boldly, his shoulders shaking, leaning closer to Aline (whose hand had not left Helen’s all night). He was so beautiful, and Magnus loved him. He knew it. He loved him and he’d have to break his heart.

~

Alec stared across the dancefloor, Helen and Aline dancing with Aline’s head on Helen’s shoulder, her arms hung around her waist, Alec didn’t think he’d ever third-wheeled quite this hard before (and there had been a lot of third-wheeling in the last three years). Who was that guy Magnus was talking to. The man was wearing a dark grey suit, his dark hair cut short and framing his angular face. He seemed to lean closer towards Magnus, his dark eyes sparkling. Alec felt a small stab of jealousy, in a little dig in his stomach. You’re jumping to conclusions. Magnus placed his hand on the man’s shoulder and Alec could see the little crinkles by his eyes as he laughed. A genuine laugh. Or was he? Magnus was a big name, and he was drop dead gorgeous and he had an air of wisdom and experience. Why did he think he could settle with plain-old Alec, not even the most beautiful amid his own little group. (the boy is a God.) He felt the liquid of one-too-many (or four) slosh in his stomach and a sting come to his eye. He turned on his heel and fled into the shadows.

Chapter Text

“Alec! Alec! Where are you?” Aline’s voice bordered on worried and Alec could hear Helen’s soothing tones, could almost see her hand on her shoulder,

“Don’t worry we’ll find him, I’m sure he’s fine” a small kiss on the cheek, “Here you go that way and I’ll go this way, I’ll meet you back downstairs in ten?”

“Yes,” Aline said with a sigh, “See you in ten.” Helen kissed Aline, quickly on the lips before turning back around.

Alec lay his head against the hay bales, feeling the straw spike against his face. His vision was slightly blurry and the he could feel the collar of his shirt was slightly wet from his tears. He didn’t know why there were hay bales, he didn’t even really know how he’d gotten there, or why there was a mezzanine with hay bales on it in a warehouse. Maybe they were left over from some kind of country-themed party. Or maybe hay bales were in, he’d have to ask Magnus, if Magnus ever came back. Even in his drunken state he could feel himself being melodramatic.

Helen rounded the corner, “There you are!” she said, her eyebrows raised. Helen had an uncanny gift for finding people, Alec had no idea how she did it, but when you were in trouble, Helen appeared, like some kind of fairy godmother, who you gonna call? And she did look exactly like a fairy godmother, standing on the edge of the mezzanine, her white dress sliding along the floor, the back of her head lit like a halo. Ethereal, beautiful Helen. The voice of reason.

“What are you doing up here, Alec?” she said softly, sensing his sadness (or perhaps noticing the tear stains down his cheek and on his collar, or smelling the alcohol on his breath, and spilt down his shirt). She moved slowly to sit next to him, the fabric of her dress flowing over her knees like a waterfall, brushing against Alec’s knee and he moved his head onto her shoulder, feeling her cradle his head and cried. It had to be more than Magnus; he knew that.

Maybe it was a fear of slipping, of looming disaster. His life had been sluggish for so long. It had been manageable, he’d had his career, he’d had his friends, he’d had Aline and Helen and re-runs of America’s next top model. But his past had always loomed over his head, his father forever in the back of his mind, his words, his disappointment creeping like dark grey fog, lingering always at the surface, hovering over the lake of his life. And his own personal failures, his abandonment of Max, his shyness that caused him missed opportunities. And he had been surrounded by love and happiness, and sure he had felt happiness when he looked at Jace and Clary and the string of stars between them, conjoined Halos, and he had felt happiness when he looked at Aline and Helen and their soft and quiet understanding of each other, two clouds floating. He had felt happy for them, but he’d also felt a stab of sadness, late at night often when Aline and Helen had called it a night and the television was buzzing only static, bits of discarded popcorn strewn across the floor and half-empty wine glasses. Because what if he never found that, what if he was always the third-wheel. And maybe he was scared of a return, he felt as if he’d finally found someone to rest against at the end of the night, a tiny spark, a little light that pushed back the fog, that brought moonlight to the lake. That helped him to see the stars. And Alec wasn’t pinning all the stars in the night sky on Magnus, he knew that was wrong, he knew he had to be independent, but he was starting to see the fog again, to feel his father’s voice calling as if through a cave. And in his drunken brain it scared him, he was in the lake again and he was drowning, drowning to the sound of his father; he’s just not the son I wanted. The last words has the water caved over his head, rushing against his ears, into his mind.

He didn’t know how long he’d been crying. He didn’t know how long Helen had been sat there, her presence was the most calming thing to Alec in the world, and anchor in his lake, a reminded of the land beyond. His tears started to stop, wiping an arm across his face.

“Oh Helen, I’m so sorry. Your dress…”

“Is not important.” She smiled, “Now do you want to talk about it?”

“I-It’s a lot of things” Alec said quietly, “I think it’s all caught up with me.”

Helen nodded knowingly, and Alec was reminded of many nights like this, knees tucked up under his arms, back rested against the sofa or on the kitchen counter, a sea of worries floating down river to Helen, and her catching them, keeping them safe.

And he had been there too, for Helen to open up to, and they had spent many a night in that kitchen, when Aline was asleep or on a shoot, or sometimes all three of them, laughing and joking and speaking honestly. And coming from a house of secrets and lies, hushed whispers of disappointment, the honesty of the house was everything Alec had always wanted and needed, and he knew Helen was to thank for that.

“I don’t know I’m a little drunk-“Alec said.

“You don’t say” Helen laughed, making Alec tilt his head back against the bales as he laughed,

“Yeah” he said, “And I saw Magnus across the room with another guy, a guy he was smiling genuinely with, who he had history with, who he was close to,” he took a deep breath, feeling the linger of tears at the back of his throat “I know I have no right to be upset but it did, it got to me a little.”

“Don’t worry I get it” Helen said, stroking her thumb along his arm, “Love makes us irrational”

Alec went quiet, lifting his eyes up to the ceiling and playing absentmindedly with his sleeve. “He hasn’t said it.” His voice was quiet and quivering, a small splash in the water, a skipping stone.

“Huh?”

“He hasn’t said it… he hasn’t said he loves me… not since that one, drunken night, and I think then it was a mistake.”

“Oh.” Helen said, her eyes softening, pausing for a moment. “He does though, anyone can see that.”

“I don’t think it’s possible” Alec said, staring at the floor.

“What?”

“I don’t think it’s possible for someone as amazing as him to love something like me.”

Helen paused, shaking her head. “Oh Alec, you really are foolish” He looked at her, his brow furrowing “You’re gorgeous you know that right? And so funny and nice and kind and amazing.” she said, “And Magnus picked you out of a whole room full of people, and he won the lottery, he won the prize from the grab machine” she paused, “and if he doesn’t know that he’s even more foolish than you.” She said, throwing herself at him in a hug, knocking him against the floor. Her body landed on top of him and he could feel her ribcage shaking as she laughed, ringlets of her hair falling against his face, against his lips.

They heard a cough behind them. Aline.

“Is there something you should be telling me?” she laughed, “like why you’re up here fooling around with my girlfriend?” she said as they both sat up,

“I’m gay, Aline.” Alec laughed,

“Yeah well I should hope she is too.” She said placing a kiss on Helen’s cheek as she sat down next to them both. Noticing Alec’s red, tear-stained face she looked concerned; “you okay Alec? We couldn’t find you.”

“I’m fine now” he said, squeezing Helen’s hand, “Helen to the rescue as always.”

“She always knows exactly what to say” Aline said, staring at Helen, her cheeks getting redder and redder, “She’s the light of my day”. Aline leant forward to kiss Helen, cupping her cheek with her hand and drawing her closer to her. The kiss deepened.

Alec shifted away, “I would say get a room, but here you can have this one”

“Nonsense,” Aline said, pulling away from Helen and pulling Alec down on top of them both as he tried to get away.

“Okay so maybe we’re all a bit drunk” Helen laughed, Alec sprawled across the two of them.

“What’s going on up here?” Jace said, climbing over the last rung of the ladder, Clary close behind him, “Nobody told me there was a gathering.”

Clary raised her eyebrows, “Did we just interrupt the beginnings of a threesome?” she grinned, “Cos we can go”

“Or we could join…” Jace said, Clary punching him on the arm, and falling over slightly, her balance off (so maybe she was also a little drunk).

“Just saying,” he said, grinning at her.

“Nope no threesomes here,” Alec said, pushing himself up so he was leaning against one of the bales of hay, his legs still knocking against Aline’s.

“Good cause I need to sit down” Clary said, falling on top of Jace as he leant against an opposite hay bale.

“See I told you they’d be up here!” Came a familiar voice, complete with wonky glasses and a wonky bow tie. Simon. He was basically carrying Izzy up the ladder. “Hay bales?” he said, shaking his head, “I will never get hipsters”

“You’re wearing hipster glasses.” Clary said.

“Hey I had them first!” he said, his hand around Izzy’s waist (which was clearly holding her up)

“We know you did honey” Izzy slurred.

“Here let me sit her down” Simon said, squishing in next to Clary and Jace (who were tangled together as one person – Alec swore one day there were just going to merge like bacteria), Izzy promptly falling asleep on his shoulder. “And there she goes,” he laughed, “there’s many thing Izzy can do but drinking is not one of them”. There was a fondness to his voice like honey and lemon tea on a cold winter’s day. “What are you all doing up here anyway?” Simon said, adjusting his glasses.

“Just chilling” Alec slurred, giggling a little as Aline shook her head fondly.

“Does anyone have a bottle, we could play spin the bottle.” Jace suggested, a mischievous glint in his eye.

“No! Not again!” came the cry from the group, followed by a fit of hysterics remembering Alec awkwardly dancing around kissing Helen last time, and ducking out at the last moment, I can’t do it! Yes definitely gay, Aline had laughed.

~

Magnus took to the stage, a glittering gold banner hung behind him, a quiet hung over the room; an expectation. He shuffled the notes in his hand. Still four hundred years later he found speeches difficult, despite his mass amount of confidence. There was just so many factors, so many variables. A slip of the tongue was heard by all. He scanned the crowd quickly for Alec, for Clary’s red hair, for Helen’s pale hair and bright white dress, but only found Raphael’s eyes, dark and knowing. Where were they? He hoped something hadn’t happened. A thousand eyes stared expectantly at him. And for the first time in a while he felt a lump in his throat.

~

“You did not see Woody Allen at your dojo” Aline said, rolling her eyes, “There’s just no way”

“Dojo” Simon replied, cracking up, five heads turning to raise their eyebrows, “What it’s a funny word.”

“Yes we get it, Jace is a karate teacher, at a dojo, for kids,” he shook his head mockingly “it won’t be funny when I save your ass now will it?” he raised his eyebrow.

“Fair point.” Simon said, “But I second Aline, he wasn’t there.”

“Was too!”

“Honey your dojo is in a back alley, it’s a small room only visited by seven year olds, give it up” Clary said burying her head into Jace’s shoulders,

“One day I will have proof, one day I will show you all!” Jace said, faking an evil laugh.

~

Alec glanced around the room. Izzy was fully asleep in Simon’s lap, his fingers moving carefully through her hair, a smile on his lips. Clary was drifting to sleep on Jace’s shoulder, her arms clutched around his chest, her bare feet poking out from under her dusty pink dress, shoes long abandoned. Aline and Helen were faced towards each other, their heads pressed together, Aline softly twisting Helen’s hair between her fingers, the pair whispering as if they had forgotten anyone else was in the room. Alec felt content, encircled by his friends, by the six people he cared most about in the world. And as he sat against the hay bales, feeling himself slowly growing sober, his legs uncrossed and free he caught Jace’s eye and smiled.

Jace was brazen so often, loud and arrogant and funny and strong, and sometimes Alec forgot about the softer side to him, the side that cradled Clary as she slept, the side of him that would sit cross-legged on the sofa at midnight, and talk about his childhood. The good, the bad and the ugly. Alec had laughed, that’s the past alright. Maybe we should write a book, Jace smirked, troubled teens; how to survive adolescence with only a few scars. The pair laughed. Jace nodded to Alec, a small nod that encompassed so much, are you okay, I’ll always be there for you, I believe in you. A subtle gesture, but Alec could understand it. He often could. He had seen Clary’s face watching them from time to time, a smile, a glow, an understanding that they were bonded, in a way that was unclear but present all the same. A happiness you could only get from watching two people you loved love each other. If only Alec could have seen the depth that was to come, that first day when he saw him in the doorway.

There was footsteps on the ladder, and Alec turned round lazily. Magnus.

“So this is where you all are then?” he said, raising an eyebrow, “Trying to avoid my speech?” there was a sparkle in his eye, but Alec could see something beyond that, a small vulnerability, a pang similar to the one Alec felt when he saw him. Things had gotten complicated. We’re heading for trouble.

“Never.” Jace grinned, “I’m sure it was life-changing, nothing like the last one”

Magnus smiled, “A Bane original” his eyes drifted over the gang, Aline had shifted slightly so that her back was rested against Helen, Helen’s hands in her hair. “Can I speak to you Alec?”

~

Chapter Text

Magnus led Alec into some kind of back store room. In fact he wasn’t really sure how they’d gotten there. He’d sobered up a little but the room was still dark, an occasional flash of purple light from the lights up above. And loud too. Full of people having the time of their lives. On top of the world.  Alec felt a little shaky still. He knew he had been overreacting to Magnus, but still something wasn’t quite right, something felt off in his stomach when he looked at Magnus. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it. It was if below the glitter and glimmer of his eyes was a further level, one hid away from Alec, covered in dust at the back of the store room. Layers he could never reach, always slipping on the last wrung of that ladder.

Magnus flicked the switch in the closet space making the room flood with bright, false lighting. Alec threw his hands against his eyes.

“Ow?” he said, his eyes still covered.

Magnus smirked, “That certainly is bright.”

“Can we just keep it off?” Alec said, falling against one of the shelves. There was a significant clatter of objects and something fell on his head. “Ow again, seriously Magnus have you led to me into a death trap because this is seriously not the time.” He felt his words slur a little. Alphabet soup.

Magnus laughed, “No death trap just…” he leant down to pick up the mystery object “wood glue, how exciting.” He switched the lights off, “Better?”

Alec took his arms down from his face, “Better.” The room did indeed seem to be a store cupboard, three shelves circled the room, stuffed full with various pots and cans, and what looked like hedge trimmers (Alec was just glad those hadn’t fallen on him). A skylight hung above them, letting a small pool of moonlight drip onto the floor, silver thread unravelling. He could make out enough of Magnus’ face to see he was smiling ever so slightly. His eyes shone in the light, and Alec could see flakes of glitter in his hair, and smudges over his eyelids. Maybe it was the drink getting to him, but Alec could swear he was glowing.

 Magnus reached up to cup his face, “Is your head okay?”

“It’s fine” Alec grinned, leaning up to kiss Magnus. He could tell he was taken by surprise, Alec pushing his head back against the shelf as he ran his hands through his hair, deepening the kiss as Magnus’ hands ran up and down Alec’s back. A single moment of beauty beneath the moonlight. Alec broke away the kiss, laughing. A small ball of tension seemed to rise from his stomach, evaporating from his skin, leaving him lighter. Of course Magnus would never cheat on him. Of course he would never lie to him. Of course. Of course.

“That was nice” Magnus grinned.

“Hmm”

Magnus looked at the floor, “Alec I had something to tell you?” he bit at his lip.

“Yeah?” Alec said wrapping his arms around Magnus’ waist, the distant sound of music floating through the door and filling up the room, mixing with the moonlight to form a pattern, the silver thread weaving around the gold, like a helix above. Alec was glad they were alone. He felt safe alone with Magnus, away from the crowds, he could be himself, could be happy. The pair started to dance, moving slowly to the music, Alec leaning his forehead against Magnus’. “What did you want to tell me?”

Magnus gulped. Alec’s eyes were so bright, so hopeful, and so young. Magnus may have looked eternally young, but he could only remember that youthful optimism with nostalgia, the brightness before life comes about, before things get difficult and complicated. The way that first love burns bright like a bonfire, shining through every part of the body.

“I wanted to say…” Alec smiled and Magnus melted. He couldn’t do it. Not now. Not like this. He took a deep breath,

 “I love you.”

 Alec’s face visibly lit up, as he took Magnus’ face in his hands, kissing him passionately. “I take that to mean you do to?” he smiled, hoping the half-crescent of worry didn’t show in his eyes. It wasn’t a lie. He did love him. And as for the other, more ominous lie that hung above him, that wasn’t betrayal. Not really. He hadn’t explicitly claimed he was mortal, then again he supposed it was to be assumed amid mundanes. Truth be told, he hadn’t seen Alec coming. He had been caught off guard, running his final round in the mundane world, one last hurrah, before retiring, maybe doing the odd spell here and there but mostly accepting his old age, hanging out with Raphael, Ragnor, and Catarina, playing bridge. The classics. But then here he was. A boy no one had saw coming. One sparking with youth and love and beauty and life, and one who had captured Magnus’ heart in his stride. And Magnus had felt himself coming back to life, the calcification process slowing; a spark alive within himself once more. And he couldn’t bring himself to throw it away.

Not yet.

Did that make him a monster? Mundanes aren’t too fond of being lied to. Maybe he’d fucked everything up. But how could he think that when here was Alec, in his arms, smiling, and looking more and more beautiful every day. His love.

“Of course I love you, Magnus,” Alec looked down at the floor, “Like I never have before, never before have I felt this way, you’re special.” He paused, “Sorry if that’s cheesy.”

A new stab of guilt for Magnus, “You could never be too cheesy for me, you know that” he said, smiling.

~

The pair sat against the back shelf, hands entwined and heads close together.

“Magnus?” Alec said softly, his big blue eyes looking up at him, the moonlight pooling in his irises.

“Yeah”

“I feel like I don’t know much about you,” his voice quickened, “you’ve met all my friends, and my sister and you know my origin story and, well, I only know surface details about you… I know you like glitter and cats.”

“Glitter and cats are important”

“Magnus I’m being serious, I feel out of the loop…. Like you don’t care” he blushed slightly, he hated sounding so needy, so vulnerable. He was Alec the independent. Alec everything-I-have-I-earned-for-myself. But there was something about Magnus that brought out his vulnerable side, something that made every happy thing better but also everything bad thing the-end-of-the-world.

“Don’t ever think I don’t care about you Alexander Lightwood” he said, stroking his face. “I just have a past you know, a lot of stuff has happened, and not all of it I’m proud of.” He paused, “I’m not someone who naturally opens up, despite my exterior” he said, gesturing to his outfit.

“Tell me a story?” Alec said, resting his head on Magnus’ shoulder. Magnus smiled, he could see the sleep washing over Alec’s face, and he was so adorable. He took a breath,

“When I was a young boy, I lived in Indonesia”

“I never knew that” Alec murmured, and Magnus could hear the sleep laced into his words.

“Uh-huh, that’s where I’m from. I lived on a farm with my mum, and my step-dad, a beautiful farm,” he smiled wistfully, “still to this day the greenest thing I’ve ever seen, I remember looking out from my bedroom window thinking the green stretched out to the end of the world, thinking the whole world was a sea of green.”

Magnus smiled, it wasn’t often he thought about his very early years, and rarely he talked about it. A wave of nostalgia ran over him. Of course his early years brought him great pain, to think about his mother was still to feel a stab of pain, as if it were scratching at his insides, attempting to escape, filling his stomach with seas of black blood. Magnus had never seen anything worse in his life than the mix of disgust and disappointment in his mother’s eyes, those dark eyes burrowed in a familiar face, the face of happiness of hope. A face that had been tainted by him, by his true self. But he wouldn’t tell Alec about that. Maybe another day.

“I would go to school in the morning, and in the afternoon I would work on the farm, it was only small, but surrounded by other farms as it was made it seem huge,” Alec moved so he was laying in Magnus’ lap and his heart hurt to look at him, his hair curling against his forehead, Alec smiling as Magnus twirled it in his fingers, his eyes bright blue, and his bowtie unravelled, draped across the opened top button of his shirt. Magnus felt a stab in his heart. If there was anything Magnus had learnt in his time with love and loss; it was that love was pain. And in no moment was that truer than then.

Alec’s eyes crinkled, “Tell me more.”

“Like does he have a car?” Magnus joked, and Alec only raised his eyebrows. “Okay, okay.” he smiled, “Only a few people worked on this farm, but one of the guys used to bring his daughter, Alya. She was the same age as me, but she was such a small thing, light as a feather, خفيفة كالريشة, and me and her used to sneak off down to the lake. It was always so hot and we would pick flowers and make small rafts and race them down the river. She taught me how to sing and how to seek the beauty in things, she would show me small details in leaves, in the grass, in the trees. She made me see the world differently. She was my very first friend.”

Alec smiled, brushing his thumb across Magnus’ cheekbone as he leaned down to kiss him.

“What happened to her” he said softly, and Magnus could see his eyelids fluttering, his head nuzzled against Magnus’ stomach.

“Her family moved away” he said wistfully, “and I never saw her again. And that was my very first heartbreak.” Alec moved closer towards him,

“I’m sorry”

“It was a long time ago”

“Thank you for sharing” he smiled, squeezing Magnus’ hand a little tighter.

“What is this circle time?” Magnus joked, trying to keep his eyes from welling up.

“You know what I mean” he smiled, pausing as if he were considering something “now I want to tell you something, in return.”

“You don’t have to, if you don’t want to” Magnus said softly, aware of the gaping gap in his truth.

“No I do.” Alec took a deep breath, sitting up, “An eye for an eye, you know, a tooth for a tooth”. He settled down, his hand still entwined in Magnus’.

“Izzy’s not my only sibling. I have a brother too.” And he preceded to tell the whole story, about his father’s disappointment, his homophobia, about his close bond with his brother and how he failed him, how he left him behind. About how Izzy stood up for him, about how he still thinks of his brother from time to time, how he hasn’t seen Max or any of his family for six years. “It’s my biggest regret, I left him there, the same place which eroded at me for years, the same man, my little brother who I loved more than anything in the world and I abandoned him”. He looked up from the floor to see Magnus looking at him, his hand on his cheek wiping away the tears he didn’t know had started to fall.

And Magnus saw another side to Alec, another piece in the wall that made him. It explained his distance sometimes, the awkward lilt to his stand. And Magnus made a note to find Izzy, and Aline, and Helen and all the rest of them and thank them, for taking Alec in, like a little baby bird; for allowing him to fly. And Alec looked up at him, his eyes big and blue and Magnus let out tears he didn’t know he was holding. And together they cried, two tall and lanky men dressed in formal wear, hid in a back store room entwined in more than one sense, letting their tears mix with the dust layered on the floor.

Chapter Text

“Is it morning?” Alec groaned, the room rushing towards him, waves parting to reveal the bright morning light. He was on the sofa in his living room. He was 90% sure. He was still wearing his suit, and his shoes, and from the corner of his eye he could see Aline stood in front of the mirror, tying her hair up into a practical bun, an old grey top hanging from her shoulders, Colombia University. That had to be Helen’s.

“You awake? How you feeling?” she said, perching on the end of the sofa, Alec moving his legs and sat up. A sharp pain shot to his head and he threw his arm over his face.

“Ow”

“Still feeling rough buddy?”

“What happened, I was sobering up, I was fine… wasn’t I?” his mind was still foggy, his throat hurt and his voice was cracking.

“Yeah until you went for round two” Aline giggled.

“Oh god” Alec groaned “I don’t like the sound of that”

“You and Magnus partied all night, I think you might have drunk the bar dry.” She smirked a little.

“Oh god” It was coming back to him, spinning wildly in circles, the laughter on Magnus’ face, a drink in his hand. Kissing him passionately against the wall and the vague cries of get a room from a certain blonde-haired devil. Oh god what else had he done. He remembered leaning against a brick wall, feeling so violently ill. “Oh god did I throw up?”

“All over Helen.” Aline winced, holding out a glass of water and some paracetamol.

“Oh god I’m so sorry.” he said, taking the glass and drinking the water, swallowing the tablets, “Where is she I need to apologise.” He said, trying to lift his head off the back of the sofa.

“She had to go home to change”

He shook his head slightly, “You know I forget she has a home, does she not have clothes here?”

“Yeah she does, she needed different ones I don’t know, and hey,” she said, pushing him slightly, “she’s not here that much.”

Alec removed his hands from over his face, “Aline she lives here, face it. When was even the last time she went home?”

“Like two months ago” Aline looked sheepish.

“Tell her to move in here, it’d be easier, and cheaper no doubt, besides we could use extra money towards the house.” He said, smiling at Aline softly.

“You mean it,” she said, looking up, her sleeves covering her hands as she chewed on her thumb,

“Of course.”

“Cause we’ve been discussing it, but I really didn’t want to offend you,” she rushed, “Cause you know it’s like asking you to third wheel us twenty-four seven,” she took a breath “it won’t change our friendship I promise.”

“Aline calm down.” Alec said, placing his hands on her shoulders, “I didn’t know you felt like that, of course I don’t mind Helen moving here, in fact I love Helen.”

“Thank you” she said, wrapping her arms around Alec, smiling widely. “Now let me make you breakfast,”

“Normally I would offer” Alec said, “But I think if I move from this sofa I will actually die.”

Aline laughed, “No worries, one breakfast coming up.”

~

“How’s my favourite big brother?” Izzy announced loudly as she came through the door, holding muffins and coffee.

“Ow, Izzy, head hurting.” Alec said. “How come you’re over here so early anyway?” he said, yawning.

“Alec it’s like 3pm.”

“Oh.”

“Besides I had a shoot over here this morning, and thought I’d swing by see how you were feeling,” she smirked, “you were still raging long after me and Simon left.” Alec blushed bright red. He legitimately didn’t know how Izzy did it. She was like some kind of goddess, the queen of hangovers, who else could be as drunk as she had been the night before and get up early, model, pick up muffins and be so chipper. Seriously someone needed to bottle that, Izzy magic. A hangover cure. He sure could use one.

“Hey Izzy” Aline said, coming out of the kitchen, a long cardigan hanging off her shoulder, falling over her grey pyjama shorts. She placed a plate onto Alec’s knee, and a mug of coffee on the table. Eggs, bacon and toast. Suddenly Alec felt very hungry indeed. “I was gonna do a full fry up, go the full mile, but we seem to be out, Helen usually goes shopping Sunday mornings”

“See what did I tell you she already basically lives here.” Alec said, his mouth full of toast.

“Helen doesn’t live here?!” Izzy said, nearly spitting out her coffee.

“Why does everybody think that?” Aline said rolling her eyes,

“I don’t know because she’s here all the time?”

And as if on cue, there was the scratch of keys at the door, and in walked Helen. She had changed and was wearing dark blue jeans, and a white top that hung from her shoulders, complete with tousled hair and sunglasses.

 “Hey Alec thought you might want some breakfast-“she cut herself off mid-sentence, “I see I was beat to the chase” she laughed,

“Gosh look at you Alec, girls fawning all over you” Izzy grinned.

“Too bad I’m gay” he laughed, arching his eyebrows, “could have really marketed myself. And sorry Helen, for last night, I truly am, I can pay for your dress if you want.”

“It’s fine don’t worry,” she said placing the shopping down on the counter (Alec didn’t think him and Aline would ever have groceries if it wasn’t for her) and walking over to the sofa, placing a kiss on the top of Aline’s head.

“Ooh what happened, I want all the gossip” Izzy said, leaning forward like a hungry animal at feeding time.

“Well...” Aline said and jumped into the story one more time. Alec could only groan as he finished his first breakfast and started on his muffin.

~

The gang lay in the living room, Aline and Helen sprawled across the sofa, Aline’s arm slung lazily across Helen, and Alec sitting on the floor, leaning his head against the sofa, Izzy lying on the arm chair, her legs swung over the arms of the chair and her head tilted towards the floor. She’s the man played on the television.

“What a great hangover film” Alec said,

“One of the classics” Izzy murmured.

“I mean it would be better if she got with Olivia” Aline said,

“You always think films could be gayer” Alec chuckled,

“Well they could” Aline protested,

“The compulsive heterosexuality is what makes it so funny,” Alec said.

“Whatever” Aline said as the phone rang, drilling through the soft and lazy Sunday air. “Ugh, you get it Alec.”

“Why me”

Aline gestured, to herself, her body half trapped under Helen’s, “I’m stuck”

“Ugh okay” Alec said, feeling his head spin a little as he forced himself up and towards the phone.

“Hi Alec speaking” he said, his voice still a little groggy.

“Alexander.”

“Magnus” he said, standing a little straighter, and Alec swore he saw Izzy role her eyes, giggling a little with Aline and Helen. “One second, I’m going to go somewhere a little more private” he said, shooting a glance at the girls.

“We’re not pausing it for you” Izzy shouted,

“Whatever”. Alec said, dashing up the stairs, falling backwards onto his bed. “Yes, Magnus, what were you saying?”

“There a party going on at yours? Or another party I should say.” he said, and Alec swore he could hear the smirk in his voice,

“Just the regulars, Aline, Helen, Izzy.”

“Ah, I was ringing to ask you if you were free tonight?” Magnus said, and Alec swore he heard him gulp.

“Yes I’m free” Alec said hesitantly, what was this about? “I mean I’m a little worse for wear but I’m okay.”

“Would you like to come for a picnic with me, at 6, in central park?” Magnus said, it was now or never. Speak now or forever hold your peace. “I had such a good time last night, I kinda can’t wait to see you again”

Alec grinned, “me neither, shall I meet you there or?”

“I’ll swing by yours at 6, don’t worry I’ll bring the food.”

“Okay” Alec said, aware that if the phone were not cordless he’d be twirling it round his finger like a school girl. “I’ll see you later, love you”

“Love you”

Alec grinned, they were living in a post I-love-you world; it was casual now. And it was nice.

He came down the stairs, his face still a little red, placing the phone on the stand.

Izzy paused the film, “Look who’s all red, what did he want?” she cooed,

“He’s coming at six, he wants to take me for a picnic” he said, settling back down into his spot.

“Aww” Aline said, and Helen reached forward to ruffle his hair,

“Our little boy all grown up.”

“We’re the same age” he said, wishing the floor would open up and eat him whole.

“Still.”

~

There was a knock at the door and Alec jumped up to answer it, beaming at the sight of Magnus, picnic basket in hand, standing in front of him. He kissed him softly on the lips.

“You look nice” Magnus said, making Alec blush and pull his too-big grey jumped further over his hands.

“You too” Alec smiled, “Just let me grab my keys and then I’ll come out”

“Heeey Magnus” came a shout from behind him and Aline raised a hand up to wave at him,

“Hi” Magnus said, walking over to the sofa, (where nobody had moved positions all day). Alec was almost embarrassed, seeing the room through Magnus’ eyes, the popcorn scattered across the floor, the thread unravelling from the cloth on the sofa, the trashy film playing on the TV. “Oh god is this Notting Hill?! I love this one.” Magnus said, settling on the arm of the sofa, “Hugh grant is such a dish.”

“Tell me about it” Izzy said, and Alec rolled his eyes, attempting to pull Magnus off the sofa,

“Come on time to go, no time for staring at Hugh’s face.” Magnus pulled him down on top of him, leaning against the wall so that Alec was sitting on his lap.

“Yeah lighten up Alec, no one can beat Hugh” Aline said, and Alec sighed,

“I seem to be outnumbered,” he said, leaning back against Magnus’ chest, “still we should go, get away from the pack.”

“Hey!” all three girls shouted in unison.

“What can I say ladies, he wants me all to himself.” Magnus said, seemingly waltzing across the room towards the door, Alec dragging his feet behind him, his face bright red.

“See you later” he grumbled, shutting the door behind him.

“See you! Have fun!”

~

Magnus reached across to hold Alec’s hand as they walked and Alec felt a small flutter go down his spine. Holding hands. In public. That was relationship material. Real relationship material. Alec had always been a little shy about PDA, the idea of presenting his relationship to the world, it felt a little like inviting strangers into his home, but he couldn’t deny the tinge of happiness he got from holding Magnus’ hand; a small token of affection. The two of us against the world.

“Where are we going?” Alec said softly, the sun starting to set as golden hour hit home, that time of night where the whole world lit up, and everything was warm and light and right, where the world shone golden, if only for a little while. The sun filtered through the trees as they walked through the park, and the warm evening breeze was soft as a feather against his face. Warm and content. Content and warm.

“You’ll see” Magnus said, placing a kiss on Alec’s cheek. There was a flicker of fear in his eyes, though Alec couldn’t see it. He was so happy. Was he about to fuck it up?

“You have to do it Magnus, this is getting ridiculous” Raphael had said, rolling his eyes as they both watched re-runs of America’s next top model, eating cookie dough off of wooden spoons and pretending to be shocked at the results.

“I know that Rafe, it’s hard you know I really don’t want things to end between us.”

“You’re talking to the king of having to come-out mid-relationship” Raphael sighed, “it never gets easier, but the earlier the better I promise”

Magnus remembered the amount of times Rafe had come home having told his date he was asexual, the heartbreak at the misunderstanding and the pure joy when he had met his girlfriend, and everything had gone smoothly, she had understood completely, it was worse odds than 50/50 but Magnus could only hope it could go as well.

“I really thought the days of coming out where behind me” he half-laughed, rolling his eyes, “I mean that was so last century” The pair giggled, swapping bowls and shouting at the screen “No! You dare kick her off!”

~

Magnus lay down the picnic blanket on a little spot atop of a slope. An old oak tree stood at the top, its branches arching out into the sky, as if brushing against the clouds themselves, and from the top, you could see all of the pond, the sun burning against the water in the evening light, small ornate bridges stretching from side to side. Alec was a way behind him, panting slightly,

“If I had known there would be exercise involved I would have trained.” Alec joked,

“Aren’t you models supposed to be super fit?” Magnus joked, raising his eyebrows slightly.

“Alas no, I leave the cross training up to Jace and Clary” He reached out, taking Magnus’ outstretched hand, “they dragged me with them once, it was awful, push-ups and press-ups and laps.” He shuddered, “I swear I was there for days, I couldn’t walk for weeks, Aline had to carry me up the stairs but she wasn’t strong enough and half dropped me and –“ he paused looking at Magnus, who was smiling at him fondly, “What?”

“You’re so cute, I love hearing you speak”

Alec blushed, “I love hearing you speak too,”

“Not enough to stick around for my speech”

“Well no,” he grinned “but you know the thought was there.”

Magnus began to unpack the food, boxes of sandwiches, and strawberries, and packets of olives, and a lot of bottles of strawberry and lime cider.

“You didn’t have to bring all of this”

“I wanted to treat you” Magnus said, leaning down to kiss him, the sun setting across the pond, forming streaks of red and orange across the sky.

“This really is beautiful” Alec said, “Did you make all this?”

“Rafe helped, well if you can count helping as organising and ordering from a distance.” Magnus laughed,

“Rafe?”

“Yeah he’s my best friend, kind of short, bad tempered.”

“Dark eyes and hair? And was he wearing a grey suit last night?”

“Yeah” Magnus said, looking quizzical. Alec sighed a sigh of relief. Best friend. So Magnus wasn’t lying to him. He leaped forward, tackling Magnus to the ground, throwing one leg over him and pinning him to the floor, kissing him fervently, smiling. It was over, the anxiety, the worry, Magnus wasn’t hiding anything, and he wasn’t lying. The kiss lasted some time. Alec didn’t know how long it felt like an eternity before Magnus broke away, grinning “You’re going to get us arrested”

“There’s no one here” Alec said, pressing one final kiss on Magnus’ lips before flopping down next to him, pressing his head against his chest. “And besides, I’m happy, I can’t help myself.”

“I’m glad, but there really is something I need to tell you still.” Magnus said, sitting up, trying to avoid looking Alec in the eyes. He took a deep breath.

“Now you’re not going to believe me, like at all, like you’re going to think this is mad” Magnus said, stalling,

“Just tell me” Alec said, his voice hardening a little. He’d never been much for secrets, for I have a secret – no wait – I can’t tell you. It was just frustrating and annoying, he’d vowed to leave it all behind the day he’d left that house the one shrouded in shadows and lies.

“I’m a warlock,” Magnus said, wincing a little before taking a deep breath, trying to avoid the incredulous look in Alec’s eyes,  “I can do magic, we’re known as downworlders; people who aren’t human and yes we exist.”

Alec stared at him, his expression completely unreadable. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying I’m a warlock, like a wizard, I can do magic, and err” he paused, this was going to be the hardest part, “I’m immortal, I’m older than you think”

Alec recoiled slightly, and Magnus swore he saw him shift away from him, he felt a small stab in his stomach, that hurt more than he thought it would. Alec narrowed his eyes, “How old?”

“Just older than I said”

“How old Magnus!” he said, standing up

“417” Magnus muttered, and Alec’s eyes widened he looked like he was going to throw up.

“417?”

“I’m not as old as Catarina…” Magnus tried to joke but he could see the time had passed for jokes. Alec looked thoroughly enraged, his expression clouding over and his hands balling into fists.

“You lied to me” he spat,

“Not exactly –“

“Don’t!” he shouted, kicking a plate down the hill. “Don’t you fucking dare. You lied to me. You listened to me talk about my father, about the house of lies, about Max and Izzy and all the time you were lying to me.”

Magnus looked broken, hurt, his scarf dangling limply in the breeze,

“No –“ Magnus said, taking a step towards Alec,

“Don’t you dare fucking touch me” Alec said, knocking him back slightly, he was stronger than he looked, “You played me, you knew I was vulnerable and you pounced,” he was shaking, “you took advantage of me.” he gasped, “Did you use magic on me?”

Magnus’ eyes widened, “No, Alexander, never, I love you”

“I don’t want to hear it.” He shouted, “I don’t ever want to see you again” he stormed down the hill, and Magnus tried to follow. “I mean it!” he screamed and Magnus hung back, falling down onto the grass hill, his head in his hands.

And for the first time in a very long time he wept. He wept openly and uncontrollably, letting the tears shake through his body like a hurricane. He wept for everything lost, for the almost of the situation, for the pain in his heart, and the pain in his head. But mostly for those blue eyes which had stared up at him, so young, so innocent. The eyes that he had betrayed. He’d betrayed Alec in the most human of ways, mundanes aren’t too fond of being lied to. All this time and he was still an outsider. He still could never assimilate. He tucked his knees up to his chest, just him and the setting sun. And he wept.

Chapter Text

Alec didn’t know where to go. He only knew it was getting dark, the moon drawing silver tears down his face, his hand still in fists by his side, he leant back against a tree, letting his whole body collapse. He had known. He had fucking known. And Magnus had re-assured him. He punched his hand against the tree feeling the sharp pain in his knuckles. And again. And again. He watched the blood start to drip, little red lines falling down his wrists and into the ground below. The circle. From death life is born, from pain. A circle. He fell at the foot of the tree, curling his knees into his chest, and cradling his hand. And he wept. Every face of pain passed against his closed eyelids, his younger self, a teddy clutched by his side, in his left hand, disappointment, Max’s small body against his own at night, the shaking of his ribs and the curl of his hair, I won’t leave you, not ever, the defiant face of Izzy, so young, as she walked away from the family home, for him, a world of pain for him. He wept and wept and wept, feeling anguish after anguish build inside, the moonlight filtering through the trees just enough to see the blood and dirt on his hands.

He didn’t know where to go.

The lights called him towards town, where the dark had fallen and people were stumbling around laughing. Alec felt their laughter like bitter stings. Everyone else was out here, living their life, battling their demons, surviving, and here he was falling further and further behind. His friends were all happy, engaged, moving in, and he was covered in blood and dirt and tears, on his own beneath the moon. He was nothing, he was failing at the simplest of things, he was failing at keeping afloat. He swung open the door to the pub, not caring when several heads flung his way, taking in his red face. Everyone knows. And fuck them, they could all know, Alec was past caring, he had entered a whole other realm. He threw himself down at the bar.

“Whiskey please, neat” the barman raised his eyebrows,

“You okay?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Alec said, taking a large gulp of the drink. He’d never liked whiskey, he grimaced as it hit his throat, bitter and strong. But it felt appropriate, time to grow up, time to wash the demons away.

~

Alec leaned his head against the bar. He was only a little bit drunk, he promised.

“One more” he said, making what he thought was a sophisticated gesture, but his hand fell flat, dead against the bar. Alec wasn’t a hundred percent sure it was his hand.

“I’m cutting you off” the guy said, a tea towel slung over his shoulder, leaning against the bar.

“I’m not drunk!” Alec slurred, closing his eyes.

“I’m pretty much an expert when it comes to drunk,” the guy said, “and you sir are past the point.” He looked concerned, “Is there anyone I can call?”

“I know him.” came a familiar voice, Alec was drifting in and out of consciousness, the world a black hole, a void in front of him. There was only darkness, “I’ll take him.”

Alec vaguely felt someone pick him up, his head lulling against a shoulder, his eyes still saw only blackness. “Jesus Christ Benny how long has he been here?”

“A couple of hours.”

“In future maybe don’t let people drink themselves to death huh?”

“I can’t be responsible for everyone in this whole damn city.” the barman shouted,

“That’s-“The man began to shout

“Me” Alec said hoarsely. His throat was on fire. Flames licking against his tongue, his cheeks, his throat, his stomach. All was dark.

“What”

“It w-was me, m-my fault” he slurred, feeling himself slip in the arms of the familiar voice.

“Shush shush” the man said softly, “let me get you home. This is not over Benny!” he shouted.

Alec felt the freezing night air hit his face, and he recoiled slightly, kicking his legs.

“Hey, hey, look Alec I’m strong but I’m not that strong.”

Alec opened his eyes, a face swimming above them, through the dark. The man’s blonde hair fell over his face, his golden eyes full of fear.

“Jace?” his head was on fire, something was inside his mind, burning and scratching. He couldn’t feel his arms and legs. “Oh god.”

“Look just let me get you home, I’m sure Aline will know what to do.” Alec could see him biting his lip, an unusual layer of uncertainty in his voice. Brazen Jace he’d seen, vulnerable Jace, but this was Jace filled with fear, Jace with his brave face, and Alec got the sense as he swam in and out of consciousness that he was seeing something not many people got to.

Alec felt his neck get limp again, his head falling into the crook of Jace’s arm. “Here let me put you down.” Alec felt the cold of the pavement against his legs, and against his back. He fell limply onto the floor. “Oh god, oh god.” Jace said, wrestling with his phone, “Let me call Aline.”

“No!” Alec screamed, he couldn’t face her right now. He could imagine the disappointment in her eyes, he could imagine her fear and tears in her eyes, pushing her face against Helen’s neck. No.

“Jesus Alec I have to call someone.”

“No.”

“Alec you’re not being fair.” Alec knew that. He knew he was being irrational, and childish, and for once he didn’t care, he wanted to curl up into a ball like a baby and wake up when everything was sorted, when everything was easy.

Alec heard Jace dial a number, “Clary- Clary yeah can you come I’m up on the west side, Lily’s, yeah yeah near there. Please. Thank you. Love you too.” Small snatches of words between the darkness.

In seemingly no time a car pulled up outside and Alec saw a flash of red before he closed his eyes one final time, his eyes rolling back in his head, his arms limp against the pavement.

~

He was facing a white wall. Swirling patterns were etched into it, like clouds. In fact, on closer inspection it wasn’t white at all, it was kind of grubby, cobwebs curled in one corner. The room was upside down. Alec tilted his head, instantly feeling a burning pain in his head, feeling himself throw up onto the floor.

“Alec!” a voice cried, “Jace he’s awake!”

He wasn’t upside down, he was lying down on a sofa. He was staring at the carpet. He’d just thrown up in a stranger’s home.

Wait no.

A girl was sat by his side. Her face came into focus, her features small and delicate, her eyes blood red and tear stained, hiding green irises beneath. Her bright red hair lit up in the light.

“Clary” Alec murmured, his lips dry and throat burning.

A small girl with bright red hair bounded into his living room, a bag that seemed almost bigger than her swung over his shoulder. A firecracker. Alec had never thought the word could be so accurate. She grinned ear to ear; ‘I’m here for the interview’. (Ssh Aline go upstairs this a serious interviewer, Aline had rolled her eyes, ‘Whatever you say’.) Clary had been perfect from the start, and what had started as strictly a make-up job had evolved into a friendship, a wingman, a confidant. She’d been recruited into the group, sometimes you have to build your family. Clary knew that well enough.

Clary cried a little, “Yes” she said softly, Jace coming to stand behind her, his hands on her shoulders, a smile forming over his lips.

“We were worried about you for a moment there.”

Alec threw up again, “Jace get a bucket.”

“Where am I?”

Clary looked puzzled, “you’re at our place.” It came slowly into focus, the duck-egg blue walls, baby blue or duck egg blue? They’re both the same love. Clary sighed. Not even slightly. On the walls were hung several of Clary’s paintings in gold frames, pictures of the New York skyline, of flowers, of riverbeds, and smaller ones, Alec squinted to get a closer look, they were paintings of Jace, of their friends. He remembered the first time he’d come here, he’d given Clary a lift home and she’d offered him coffee. He remembered the wave hitting him as he stepped through the front door. Home. It was the homeliest place he’d ever been, it lacked the chipped walls and unravelling sofa of his house; it was a place to be as a family. Of course Jace and Clary were a family, a little family of two. The most settled people he knew. He felt tears stinging in his eyes. Here he was twenty eight and forever stuck in the early-20s period of his life, he hadn’t settled. He had no home. And now he probably never would. Alec fell back to sleep, tears rolling down his face.

“We have to call someone we can’t just leave him here, and we both have work.” Clary hovered uncertain by the door, she had started to work part-time at a local gallery to bring in extra money. It turns out when there was a financial crisis not many people wanted to invest in paintings, and her paintings had started to overrun the house, taking over every wall. We can put some in storage, I want everyone on display, Jace smiled, they’re important to you.

“I promised.”

“Jace the promise made no sense, he was drunk,” she rolled her eyes, “I’m calling Aline.”

“No not Aline,” Jace said, “I promised.”

“Fine”

~

When Alec awoke Izzy was there. Her head rested against the sofa, a book clutched in her hands.

“Oh good you’re awake, I wanted to watch America’s next top model but thought it would be too loud.”

“Izzy?” Alec squinted.

“Yep, in the flesh, form an orderly queue.” She smiled, “Now can I put the TV on?”

Alec felt groggy, “Water?”

“It’s on the table” Izzy said, “Here move over,” she said, as Alec sat up, squeezing next to him on the sofa, “There’s water and two paracetamol.”

“Thanks” Alec said reaching forward, the blanket slipping from his knees. He was wearing different clothes to the ones he was wearing last night, and he flushed red at the idea of Jace dressing him, or even worse Clary. He looked down, he seemed to be in a grey top, across which was written; The true karate kid. He shook his head, cursing Jace. He drank the water quickly, the cold hitting his head as he winced.

“Now” Izzy said, softly, “You don’t have to tell me how you ended up passed out on the side of the road, but I would recommend it. Start talking” Alec turned to protest but she had her serious face on, her eyebrows arching.

“I really don’t want to talk about it” It was too early (although Alec had no idea what time it was) and too bright and it hurt too much to go over again, like cutting across an open wound.

“I’m here for you” Izzy said, taking his hand.

Alec started straight ahead, “Me and Magnus…” he took a breath “we broke up”. It was the first time he’d said it, the first time he’d even thought it and the words hit him like a blow to the stomach, he felt a small tear falling down his cheek.

Izzy squeezed his hand harder, “Here,” she said, “let me get the ice cream it’s customary.”

Alec laughed, “I don’t know if I can stomach it.”

“It’s expected,” she said, firmly, falling back down onto the sofa, “you’ve done the same for me, remember Meliorn?”

“Oh god,” Alec said, “you cried for weeks.” He paused, “what kind of a name is Meliorn anyway?”

She laughed, “The name of a liar apparently.” she handed him the ice cream and a spoon. “You want to talk about it”

Alec laughed, throwing his head back as tears still fell from his eyes. A rainbow of emotions. Literally. “I don’t think you’d believe me, Iz, this is” he sighed, “something else.”

“I’m all ears”

~

Izzy tried to mask her shock but Alec could read her too well. They’d grown up with each other’s secrets and lies. There was no hiding when you were bound together, I’ll be there for you, and you’ll be there for me. Till the end of my days. The small furrowing of her brow, her mouth slightly open. He explained the magic, the immortality, the lies and the pain. They sat in silence.

Izzy tried to hide her expression. She could sense something else was going on beneath the surface, bubbling and simmering like burnt liquor. Magnus’ confession had been the final weight, tipping the scales. This wasn’t really about him, that much she could tell. The pain radiated from him like waves, heat evaporating. Yet it wasn’t singular pain, it was multitudes of different pains, woven together to form a cloud over his head. A small piece in a much bigger picture. She tried to avoid the word overreaction, there was no way Alec was ready to hear that yet. He would come to realise, and she would be there for him, and that was all that was important.

She took a breath, sidestepping complexities of blame and pain, and stepping right to what Alec rally needed. Izzy didn’t say anything besides “Let’s watch America’s next top model.” And the pair sat in silence, taking turns eating the ice cream. A message in code. Alec didn’t want empathy or pages of I’m sorry. He just needed this, the pair sat shoulder to shoulder, I’m always here for you. Your protector. Izzy with her chin held high, protecting him, shielding him, taking bullets for him. The pair of them running into battle. Together. Always.

Alec head was curled against Izzy’s shoulder, a small pool of tears against her grey sweater, her hair formed into perfect plaits. Alec’s phone rang and he immediately switched it off.

“Magnus?” Izzy said softly.

“Aline”

“You can’t avoid her forever Alec.”

“I can’t see her Iz, I can’t face it.”

“At least tell her you’re okay”

“I can’t” Alec said, a little more firmly, staring dead ahead.

“I’m going to.” Izzy sighed. Alec could be stubborn as hell sometimes, especially when he was hurting, he could only see things from one perspective. This could be a long road.

“Whatever.” Alec said, sitting up straighter as Izzy left the room, the phone clutched to her ear.

~

“Oh god I was so worried. He never came and he wasn’t replying” Izzy could hear the tears in her voice, could hear Helen gently calming her on the other end, “I even tried ringing Magnus but it just went dead.”

“They broke up”

“Oh, shit, fuck, I didn’t know I’m sorry.” She paused, “Shit is he okay?” Izzy could hear the familiar panic in Aline’s voice, the whirl of panic. She knew right about now Helen would be running her hands through Aline’s hair, trying to bring her back down. Strong and Stable.

“Not really.” Izzy said, holding back her tears, “I’ll have to tell you later, he needs me.”

“Of course, of course.”

~
“If you’re not going home you’re coming to mine,”

“Okay” Alec said. His face was grey, his hair tangled, Jace’s shirt hung off his shoulder. A year or two ago he would have felt a spark at wearing Jace’s clothes but now he felt nothing. He was lost within the fog. His lake was only black and he couldn’t swim. He shuffled, following Izzy, Jace’s pyjama bottoms billowing around his legs. He would change into his jeans but he wasn’t sure he could cope with it, and beside he had a suspicion they were probably covered with blood and whiskey and vomit. Triple threat.

Izzy left a note behind for Clary and Jace, I’ve taken Alec. He’ll probably return the clothes at some point, although that shirt probably needs to be burned, looking at you Jace, talk about crimes against fashion, see you later.

Iz x

~

He and Simon sat awkwardly at opposite ends of the sofa. Some documentary played on the TV, flickering between black and white and colour, with a voice that was strong and steady and calming. It was talking about something but Alec didn’t know what. Didn’t care what. There seemed to be images of rockets, he clutched at his hot chocolate. He could hear Izzy cooking in the other room. Apparently Simon hadn’t told Izzy she couldn’t cook. He would have offered any other day. Alec. Strong and independent. Everything-I-have-I-earned-myself. He stifled a laugh, he couldn’t even believe it himself. Not anymore. He was being passed around his friends like an unwanted puppy and he couldn’t go home. He had failed at life. This was merely an after sort-of life, the kind where every day blurred together and you let it wash over you. You had failed, the rest was merely required.

They ate their dinner in near silence. And Alec felt bad for Simon. Yet another happy home he had invaded and poisoned.

~                                                   

“I’m going to work okay Alec?” Izzy said and Alec nodded, “Simon will be here okay I’ve left you a pile of his clothes, I tried to find some of the bigger stuff, I don’t know if it’ll fit,” she said, biting at her thumb.

“It’s fine, you’ve done enough, Izzy, enough for a lifetime.”

“Family means no one gets left behind or forgotten.”

Alec shook his head slightly, “Are you quoting Lilo and Stitch right now?”

“Is it working?” she said giggling, swinging her hand bag over her shoulder.

“Go to work, Izzy, have a good time.”

Izzy kissed the top of his head before closing the door behind her.

~

“How was it?” Izzy said, when she got back, smiling when she noticed he had changed, and seemed to have washed his face, and brushed his hair.

“A little awkward, he’s working upstairs”

Izzy smiled, thinking of Simon shifting from foot to foot trying to think of something to say, his glasses slipping down his nose. “He tries bless him”

“He talked about Han Solo for thirty solid minutes,” Alec smiled softly, “did you know he was based on Francis Ford Coppola?”

“I actually did” Izzy smiled, “don’t know what that says about me. He babbles when he’s nervous, it’s endearing.”

“You’ve gone soft in your old age.” he joked and she hit him on the arm with her purse,

“I’ll let you off because you’re in pain, but next time” she looked him dead in the eyes, “I’m coming for you Lightwood.”

“Bring it.” He laughed.

He wasn’t back to his ‘usual’ self (whatever that meant), just the dark circles under his eyes could tell him that, but he felt slightly better. He had stopped crying (for now), he felt cleaner. “I’m going to go back home.” he said, with a deep breath, “It’s time.”

“Okay,” Izzy smiled, placing her hand on his shoulder, “do you want me to drive you?”

“That eager are we?” he smiled,

~

Alec stood in front of the front door. The black painted door was chipped and the door knocker hung on its side, once a proud lion, now a slightly tipsy lion; a lion that got a little lost along the way. Alec could relate. A bag full of his dirty clothes, (which on closer inspection Clary had actually washed for him – what an angel) as well as Jace’s dirty clothes (he was acquiring quite a collection) stood at his feet. He tugged at his shirt, (well Simon’s shirt, it seemed he had merely swapped one dumb novelty shirt for another, this one said Jedi-knight in training, and Alec could only sigh).

With a deep breath he reached his hand up and knocked.

Aline opened the door, her hair half-up, half-down, tousled and tangled and her bare feet digging into the carpet. Her hair seemed to be unwashed and Alec could see she had been tugging at her sleeves. Her face lit up and she flung her arms around him,

“Alec, I’ve never been happier to see anyone in my life.” Helen stood slightly behind her, biting her lip. When Aline finally pulled away, she hugged him tighter than Alec think she ever had, or possibly anybody ever had. He was a little shocked, she was always so soft, so gentle. Aline jumped back in and the three of them stood on the doorstep, their arms flung around each other, swaying slightly. Alec could hear Aline crying softly and felt a tear roll down his cheek.

Here he was. He was home.

Chapter Text

Alec was functioning, Izzy would give him that. He was getting up. He was getting dressed. He was eating. He was smiling and he was going to work. To most people there was no change to be seen, a straight line on the heart monitor. But Izzy wasn’t most people. She and Alec were entwined; inevitably. I’ll be there for you. She could see the robotic nature. Eat. Sleep. Repeat. He was putting on a façade during the day, but at night he was breaking into small pieces. He’s crying at night. Aline had whispered into the phone. I don’t know how to help him.

Neither did Izzy. She sensed it was a little more than a regular break-up (not that Alec had ever had many break-ups or relationships). The lies had dredged up the past for Alec, and she felt the same kind of helplessness she had felt as a child, watching her brother go to pieces, watching him wrapped in the darkness and shadows of that house, and having absolutely no power. Alec had thanked her a thousand times for what she did, but to her it was the bare minimum, I’ll be there for you and you’ll be there for me. Till the end of my days. For Izzy it was years of watching him struggle, of being powerless. And that’s how she felt now, the same demons dragged from the lake, the same unwinnable battle. And she felt a stab of fear; for as much as Alec had tried to escape his inner small child, clinging to a teddy, peeking round corners, she had tried to get rid of her inner child; the one who sat at the top of the stairs, knees tucked against her chest, the one who watched her brother as he sank inside, the one who understood nothing and everything all at the same time. A shadowed, smaller self that flickered within her, even now.

She had tried several times to help Alec. She got him out the house, she dragged him to cafés, but all he did was smile, I’m okay, Iz, I promise. More lies. She dragged him out to a club, a smile plastered to his face. But she could see behind that, the cracked mirror image, the flicker of sadness, of fear.

~

Alec had never lied to Helen before. But that night he did.

“What happened between you two?” she said, her legs curled up to her chest, leaning against the kitchen wall perched on the counter top. The classic heart-to-heart session, Aline on a night shoot. Several cardboard boxes covered the floor, Helen had been moving in all week. Aline offered to delay it, the unspoken words hanging in the air, because of… you know. But Alec had insisted, trying to throw himself into helping, only it turned out Helen didn’t own much. Alec didn’t really know what he had been expecting. Light as a feather.

“Not much” he stared at the floor, his eyes boring into a crack on a tile, Aline you did not just crack the floor, the landlord is going to kill us, “The usual stuff you know” he tried to keep his voice steady, “we’re just not compatible.” He said, repeating a line he’d heard over and over again in the films, fake love, fake faces, setting the barriers for real flesh and blood.

He hated lying to her. Helen had never been anything but honest, and he had always been honest to her. He cherished that honesty. It was his lifeline, his foundation. His new life was built upon honesty, but here came the foundation of lies twisted into his shadows, his old life was coming back to haunt him, creeping one step at a time.

“Oh” Helen said, not wanting to push him but Alec could see the look in her eyes, the crinkle of her eyebrows when she thought he wasn’t looking, that look had followed him everywhere recently. Helen reached out to put her arms around Alec and he could hear her heart beating a perfect rhythm.

He’d been dreaming of Max recently, of his small body cuddled against his own. The beat of his heart, of his big toothless grin looking up at him, his hair tangled and knotted and way too long for a boy. My biggest regret. The guilt was seeping into the cracked crevices. He couldn’t take it any longer.

~
Clary resisted the urge to say are you okay? The dark under his eyes said it all. Instead she just unpacked her make-up and worked on covering them up, making jokes inappropriately loudly.

“There you go, ready to go” This was the fourth shoot Alec had done this week. Clary knew Alec had been warding off the job offers in the last few months. Since meeting and being seen with Magnus his job offers had tripled, a big break. But Alec had taken just the regular amount, enough to keep afloat (or keep sinking at the same old speed). Maybe he didn’t want to get his fame from Magnus or maybe he was just trying to keep up a semblance of normalcy, cling onto life as he knew it. Clary could see him working very hard to maintain his life, plastering the cracks as quick as they came. She didn’t know it all, but she had caught snatches from late night talks between him and Jace, she had had glimpses of the darkness that lived inside him. There’s a torment within us all, a storm that’s threatening to tear us apart. But for the last week Alec had accepted every single job offer, working twelve or so hours every single day. Clary guessed it was easier for him to fill his schedule up. Just keep moving. And it never happened.

“Hey Alec, dude.” Jace said, pulling him into a bear hug,

“Don’t mess up his hair Jace it just took two hours!” Clary joked, Jace leaning down to mess up Clary’s hair instead, resulting in a fake-stern look from behind her red hair.

“You look great man.” Jace said, pulling Clary into a side hug, “Really, go knock em dead.”

“Thanks” Alec said, half-smiling.

~

“Hi Mr Lightwood” the man extended his hand, he was significantly shorter than Alec, and from his height he could see that he was beginning to go bald, teetering on a-necessary-cap territory.

“You can call me Alec.” he said, a half-smile

“I’m the photographer for today,” the man grinned, “so if you’re ready we’ll get started.” he paused for a second, “You’re Magnus’ boyfriend right?”

Clary saw Alec’s face drop, getting whiter and whiter as she saw him take a small step back. Fuck. The man was seemingly oblivious to Alec’s reaction,

“I worked with him once, what a visionary, very precise though, knew exactly how he wanted everyone posed, how he wanted the lights, the angles…”

She could see the flicker of pain run over Alec’s face, and she walked forward,

“Sorry Mr Hill, I just need Alec for another second?”

“Of course of course”

She dragged him away, the wide eyed look still plastered on his face, his arm noticeably limp as she hooked it into her own, she pulled him back into the make-up area.

“You okay?” Clary said, softly, running her thumb over his cheeks, Jace stood back a little his eyes full of concern. And something else. Fury. Jace looked as if he wanted to burn the world down, as if he wanted revenge, on whatever had done this to Alec. Ride or die. Brothers for life. Clary had told Alec that Jace didn’t let many people in, but once he did you were family, and there was nothing he wouldn’t do to help you. Never had those words rang truer for Alec, he could feel his fury across the room.

His friends encircling him, caring about him, wanting him to be okay.

And with that Alec’s façade cracked, letting water spill down, he buried his head into Clary’s shoulder and sobbed and sobbed.

I can’t do this.

Of course you can, you’re the strongest person I know.

~

He stood outside the building, shifting from foot to foot, his hands shoved deep into his pockets. It brought back all kinds of memories, the high windows that wouldn’t open, the cracked brickwork, the peeling paint across the gate and fences. High school. A whole lifetime ago.

Kids began to pour out, a sea of blue uniforms and black backpacks, people laughing, people shuffling their feet. People with their heads down, focused only on getting home, on shedding the school-skin. He scanned the faces. He had to be here. He had to recognise him.

And there he was.

His hair was as ruffled as always, his face freckled and smiling, knocking against the shoulder of another boy, laughing.

Maybe I shouldn’t be here. He’s happy. Maybe this is a bad idea. Maybe.

He couldn’t help himself, “Max!” he couldn’t hear him. “Max!”

Max turned to look at him, a look of confusion passed across his face, “Alec?”

Alec leant awkwardly against the gate, catching quite a lot of stares from the other kids, he was more than used to it, his height and striking black hair was usually enough for people to tilt their heads. You know it’s not just your height right? A soft whisper in the darkness, a hand in his own, you’re beautiful Alexander Lightwood, and don’t you ever forget it. The memory pinched at Alec’s throat, at his lungs. He tried to brush it away.

“I’ll see you later guys,” Max said, waving to his friends, who threw their backpacks over their shoulders and walked away.

“Hey kiddo.” Alec said, reaching forward to tousle Max’s hair,

“Don’t touch me.” Max said, a look of anger passing over his face, his lip curling in distaste.

Alec felt a wave of pain go through his chest, “Max?”

“You don’t get to do this,” he spat, “not now.” He stormed off in the opposite direction, Alec keeping fast on his heels.

“Max, what’s wrong?”

“Fuck off, Alec, I mean it.”

Alec felt his knees weakened. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t feel this much, this much pain, this much regret. His baby brother. His biggest regret. He too had turned away from him. In just two conversations his walls had started to crumble, his perfectly constructed life had started to fall away, revealing age old problems, revealing cracks behind layers of wallpaper, hiding the problem doesn’t fix it.  And now everything was crumbling.

“Max wait…”

Max had jumped over a small stone wall and was standing knee deep in long grass. His top button was untied and his tie was loose, draping down his shirt, his hair was tousled and Alec could see significant holes in his uniform. And on his wrist was a small brown bracelet, woven, I’ll be there for you, and you’ll be there for me, Till the end of my days. He still wore it. Alec could see the pain in his eyes, dancing across his features, and Alec hurt to think he put that look there, to think he was his father, causing Max to sink inside, he brought the demons out to play. Sun, sun go away, come on back another day.

“What do you want?” he yelled, turning several heads, “I’m here, what do you want from me?!”

“I want to talk to you” Alec said, feeling tears in his eyes, “I want to apologise, I want to be there for you…” he stuttered, his vision blurring, “Like I said I would be, I want to be a brother to you.”

Max laughed loud and manically, “You’re six years too late, brother. You left remember? You and Izzy couldn’t even care enough to call, enough to write, you left mum in pieces, she hasn’t been the same since, she pretends she is, but I see it, I see the faked headaches and the hours spent in bed, I see the small pause when she passes your rooms, I see it all Alec. You had no right to do that to me.” Max started to cry, falling down into the grass, and Alec leant down to embrace him, to bring him into his chest. Max tried to resist but his sobs were shaking through him, and he gave up, curling up against his brother’s chest like he used to when he was young. When he was young and free from the dark.

“I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry Max” Alec cried, running his hands through his hair, “There wasn’t one day I didn’t think about you” he pushed back his sleeve to reveal an identical bracelet, brown and woven with a promise, “I’ll be there for you, I always will be.” he choked, “I just got lost, so lost along the way.”

“This can’t be fixed with words, Alec” Max said, turning to look up at him, the anger fading into sorrow, deep and hollow. “You changed everything, you shaped my life, every bad thing started with you.”

“I tried to protect you, I had to leave Max; it was killing me.”

“I know.” Max said softly, Alec’s arms around him still, “It doesn’t make it hurt any less. Your pain can’t cancel out mine.” He spoke with purpose as if he had thought about these words for some time, as if he had shoved words in a bottle, and kept it all inside him, waiting for the day when he again would come face to face with the face that looked so much like his own.

“I know, I know, I wanted to protect you from him, from the same fate.”

“Him?” Max looked confused, “Do you mean dad?” He took a deep breath as if preparing to shoot, “He’s been my only support in all of this, I’d have given up long ago without him.” Alec shuffled back a bit, a shocked look across his face. His image of his father was laced with darkness, a shadow with a face full of anger, a shadow which wove itself into his life, his very being, a shadow who took a piece of him, never to be returned. He could never imagine him being a support post.

“Really?” Alec said in a choked whisper.

“Yeah.” Max looked down, “I know he was the reason you left, and Izzy, I don’t know exactly what happened, but after you left he changed, not all at once of course, but he became more involved, he stopped making me play football and he came and watched my choir practices, he bought me painting supplies, and he was there for me, when mum was up in bed, when she was in her worse phase he helped me.”

Alec felt like a rock hitting the surface, sinking, sinking, sinking, gone deep down under the surface. He couldn’t understand how a figure, a figure so dark, a figure he had seen in all of his worse moments could be such a figure of light for Max, could be a hero. People are not one thing. They are everything, they contain multitudes, it just depends what colour they decide to show. The haunting words of Helen, her back against the wall, her feet tucked up to her chest as she sat on the counter, so wise, so beautiful, dripping with every emotion all at once, floating above herself, she was truly something else, and she was everything to Alec.

Alec was silent, his eyes red, his hands shaking. Max looked up at him,

“He misses you, you know.”

Alec gulped, feeling a rising panic in his chest. This was all too much. The fog had been pushed back to reveal the lake, black and pure and overwhelming in its vastness.

“He doesn’t say it, I think it’s too painful but I see him sometimes, late at night, he gets a picture of you, and Izzy, of all of us as a family, and he sets it on the desk, and I see tears in his eyes.” Max choked a little on his words and Alec could see he’d been holding all this inside of him for so long, “I think you two are his biggest regret.”

You’re my biggest regret.

Alec knew the feeling. But it was too much to comprehend. To think that each member of his family were sat in separate areas of the same city, individually breaking, cracking inside and not letting it show. Papering over the cracks with tired wallpaper which was starting to fade. To think of his past, his family, his father, not as a black lake, not as demons or shadows but as complexities. To demonise the past was painful, but it was easy; it had brought Alec solace. It had brought him solace to think of it all as black, to forget him and Izzy and their parents singing loudly in the car to a tune no one can remember, to forget his dad teaching him to throw a ball, to forget running free through fountains of water. It was easier for it to be black. But now it wasn’t, now everything contained multitudes, his father was no longer a shadow, but a man with a face, a face that used to sing him to sleep. And Alec, not for the first time that week, felt something break inside him, something open. He was going to have to go home.

Chapter Text

Magnus had not felt pain like this in a long time. Not since. No. He was struggling to understand it, four-hundred years of feeling emotions, of living and struggling and surviving. And he was still as clueless as he was when he stood on the edge of the ocean as a young man, looking across the blue that seemed to stretch all the way to the end of the world, the waves lapping against his numb feet, a pain in his heart so bright, so hot, that he felt as if it could set the whole world alight, flames licking against the ocean. Unstoppable. He knew the pain would pass, he had lived and he had learnt. Struggle is a part of life, a part of survival. What one forgot, was when you were in the midst of pain, all of the rationality fell apart; kindling on a bonfire and you were left with only the fire. Just the flames.

~

“Let’s get you home” Alec said, reaching a hand out to pull Max up, which he took gingerly. The pair awkwardly kept their distance as they walked home, Alec sheepishly asking about school, about his favourite games, his favourite TV shows, anything to avoid the big, important topics, that hung over their heads like an axe.

“You still in the same house?”

“Yep. Are you okay with this? You can drop me at the end of the street if you want.”

“Of course, I’m determined to be there for you,” he took a deep breath, “we all have to face our demons eventually.”

~

“Magnus have you even moved since I last saw you?” Raphael said, rolling his eyes. He held two pizza boxes in his hands, Taki’s diner, (secret ingredient; blood.) Raphael scanned the apartment, clothes draped themselves over the floor, the sofas, they were hung over any piece of furniture Raphael could see. He didn’t quite know how they’d gotten there considering Magnus was wearing the exact same outfit he last saw him in. He sighed slightly, he didn’t know what he’d been expecting. The only way to get rid of the pain is to go through it. We can’t go over it, we can’t go under it, we’ll have to go through it! He put the pizzas down, moving to open the curtains, expertly side stepping the direct sunlight. Magnus winced, shutting his eyes firmly.

“It’s too bright.” He complained,

“This is for your own good. I promise you.”

Magnus grumbled, the material of the sofa pressed against his face, and his hair so greasy it was clinging to his skin. This was the worst Raphael had seen Magnus in some years.

“That’s it.” He said, “I’m running you a bath, and then we’re going to clean this place, and we’re going to eat.”

“No” Magnus whined,

“This is not an option” Rafe said firmly pulling Magnus off the coach. “You’re coming with me.”

When you were friends with someone for hundreds of years, you started to see cycles, history always repeated itself. And as a result Raphael had become something of an expert in Magnus, in how to pull him out of a crisis. He’d been there for him time and time again. He shook his head fondly, it was going to be a rough couple of weeks.

~
Max knocked on the door, it was a different colour to when Alec had lived there, and he immediately began to notice subtle changes, hanging baskets and new windows, double-glazed, we’re moving up in the world. But there were also haunting familiarities, Albert the gnome that he had won at a fair when he was five, the same old lion doorknocker. Ferocious and brave. Everything Alec had never been.

The door opened and a sickening wave went over Alec. His mother. Her hair was grey and tied messily into a bun, her skin more wrinkled than he remembered, her eyes carrying dark bags, her top had a noticeable stain.

“Alec.” She said, before falling backwards. Alec and Max rushed forward and caught her, moving her gently to the sofa. “This isn’t real. This can’t be real.” Alec’s heart broke, to see what he had reduced his own mother to, a woman once so strong, so stable; a constant you could depend on. Her hands never shook and her smile never faltered. Now she was just a shadow, a whisper of what she could be. This was his fault.

“I’m here.” Alec said, crying.

“My boy, my baby boy.” She brought Alec’s face closer to hers, letting her hands run through his hair, kissing his cheeks over and over again. She drew her cardigan closer to herself, “Oh what must I look like, what must you think.” Max stood awkwardly in the corner, shifting from foot to foot.

“You look beautiful, mother, you always do.” Alec said, taking her hand. Not noticing a small tear roll down Max’s cheek.

This was going to take a lot of healing. More than Alec could have ever imagined. But for the first time in years he was here, and he was willing to try.

~

“It’s not your fault you know.” Raphael said, Magnus’ head in his lap. He’d taken a bath and changed his clothes, and preceded to lie back down in the same spot. Raphael guessed it was some kind of progress. At least now his hair smelled like peaches and lime instead of grease and dirt.

“I’m too tired for this Rafe.” He said, his eyes closed, the TV flickering in the background.

“You’ve slept for like 4 days Mag.”

“There’s more than one type of tired.” Magnus said is voice slow and lilted, laced with an edge of suffering. Raphael could feel him slipping.

“No Magnus sit up a second we’re going to have this conversation.”

Magnus sighed, looking up. “Fine.”

“You told him the truth.”

“After weeks of lying.”

Raphael sighed, “After weeks of avoiding the truth, it’s not the same thing, part of you knows that.” He took a deep breath as Magnus laid his head on his shoulder. “It’s easy to feel betrayed, it’s easy to feel as if you betrayed Alec, but even if you avoided telling him the truth for a bit, you did, in the end, and that’s not betrayal, that’s being honest.”

“But he was so hurt.”

“And he will be, I’m sure he feels betrayed but sooner or later he’ll realise that this isn’t all your fault.”

Magnus sat up, “I need to explain to him.”

“No!” Raphael said, his eyes growing wider, “That’s not what I meant.”

“No that’s exactly what I need to do.”

“No Magnus, these things take time, you need to let him come to the realisation by himself.”

“I’m going Rafe and you can’t stop me.”

“Mag, we’ve been over this, it’s a bad idea, you need to wait, and you need to get over this.”

“I won’t give up Rafe you know I won’t.” Magnus was by the door, shoving a jacket on, his still-wet hair dripping onto the shoulder pads.

“I know,” Raphael said sadly, “but I need you to… I need you to think, to wait.” He pleaded with Magnus, but he could sense it was hopeless, Magnus was only focused on one thing.

“I’ve done enough waiting,” Magnus said, grabbing his coat from off the back of the door, “400 years in fact.” Raphael rolled his eyes, Magnus could be very mellow-dramatic, and extremely narrow-minded, I’m just focused, okay whatever you say, a shared bowl of popcorn.  “I’m going.” Raphael reached out his hand, tried to grab at Magnus’ arm but he was thrown back by a spell, hitting against the sofa with a thud.

“I’m going.” He said, his eyes narrowing with a steely determination.

~

Magnus’ confidence faltered slightly when he came to the front door, chipped and black and filled with the dreams of the youth. He remembered the first time he had come here, the front littered with cameras, the look in Alec’s eyes as he had opened the back door, a small spark and a hint of a smile. He remembered countless nights leaning against the sofa, sensing each other through the darkness. He remembered Alec’s laugh, and the way he bit his lip when he was nervous, he remembered a feeling in his chest, him and Alec at a restaurant, the creeping of the hand across the table, a small grin, oh fuck I’m doomed, doomed to dream of you, doomed to be drawn back here again and again, doomed to be in love. Doomed.

And here he stood again, a fragile man with a strong façade. A man who made mistakes that couldn’t be undone, a man without a plan, a man with only hope, only a tie between him and the man who lived here, doomed.

“Magnus?”

“Aline.” Magnus nodded, feeling his hands shift in his pockets.

“He’s not here.” She said, her eyes narrow and harsh. The true meaning of striking.

Till the end of my days. A protector. Magnus could sense he wasn’t going to get passed her.

“Oh,” Magnus said, running a hand through his (still wet) hair, “when will he be back, I need to speak to him.”

“I don’t think that’s a wise idea.” Aline said, her voice final.

“Oh.” Magnus said, feeling himself step back a little, “How is he?”

Aline hesitated, “He’s broken, but he’ll live, no thanks to you.” She spat, “I don’t know what happened between you two, but I know he needs time, and space.” She narrowed her eyes, “I know you shouldn’t be here.”

Magnus wondered how much they knew. He knew he should be concerned for his identity, a classic double-life conundrum, but he couldn’t bring himself to think about much else at the moment.

“Magnus I need you to leave, and I need you not to come back.” Aline said firmly. A warrior.

Magnus sensed the sadness in her eyes, beyond the straight look at the firm mouth. This had been a mistake, he felt his stomach drop. Things could not be fixed so easily. Alec needed time. He should have listened to Raphael (not that he was going to admit that to him.) He turned on his heel, “Very well, thank you Aline, and once more I am very sorry.” It took all of his energy to keep a straight face, to stop himself from breaking on the outside as he wilted within.

Aline felt a small pain in her chest as she watched him walk away. The difference was very subtle. Magnus’ hordes of fans would probably not even see it, they would see the winged eyeliner and the hair and the scarf and they would scream their adorations, but Aline, even after just a short time of knowing him could see beyond that, could see the small bow of his head and the hurt in his eyes. Could see his pain hovering over him, a blue, unwavering aura.

~

“Here mum let me make something…” Alec said, he was sat around the dining table, his old seat, to the right of Izzy, the familiarity of it all was poignant. Anxiety and happiness wove together in the pit of Alec’s stomach, making him want to run and stay all at once.

“Nonsense, I’m cooking for you, I’m your mother” she said, a small smile faltering across her lips. Her hair was still up, clutching at her neck, and Alec could see how much thinner she had gotten. This was one giant problem. His life had become a tangled web and he had trapped himself in it.

Max sat across from him, his blazer shirked to the floor and a pen in hand, some maths homework on the table. Alec reached across to touch his arm. His family, all in one place. His mum was cooking dinner, his little brother doing homework. Everything was familiar, he had a family again. A family he needed to work at, a family with more problems than could even be named. But a family, which was something new.

“You need any help buddy?”

“I’m good thanks,” he said, “I’m quite good at maths.” Alec could sense the sadness behind the words, not that you would know. And he wondered how many times since he left his mum had made tea for Max, had sat and helped him with his homework, had asked him about his day. A deep sigh, I can fix this, I have to.

He ruffled Max’s hair, standing up, “Here let me help you.” He said, grabbing the cheese from the fridge, and the grater from the cupboard, the same place it had always been. It’s going to be okay.

A clatter at the door, Alec looked up. And there was his father, stood in the doorway. A look of sadness across his aging features. A stab in Alec’s chest, the face from his nightmares. A changed man?

“Alec?”

Chapter Text

“You saw him?” Aline said quietly. The television hummed softly in the background. He sat in the armchair, running his hands along the fabric. Aline sat on the edge of the sofa, leaning forward, her hands clasped over her knees, a concerned look on her face. Helen hung back leaning against the opposite arm. A classic talk, swapping kitchen counters and night time for the light and the sofas. But still the same, I’ll be here for you; honesty hour.

“Yes.”

“Are you okay?”                                                      

“It was… weird.” Alec said, looking up, “He had the same face, but he was different…” he took a deep breath, staring at the carpet “It was awkward” he laughed, “how could it not be? But he spoke to me and we got along, I guess, I mean we didn’t run in slow motion or anything, there was no swelling music…” he paused, “but I think it was okay?”

“That’s nice” Aline said, offering him a half smile, a piece of her long black hair falling across her face.

“Yeah it was,” he smiled, “it’s going to take a long time though, I can feel it, for all of us.”

“It’ll be worth it.” Helen said softly,

“I know it will, I’ve just spent so long hating him you know, blaming him … and like if I can’t blame him then I have to grow up, y’know, I have to face my own problems.”

“We’re here for you” Aline said, reaching forward to take his hand, “And I’m really proud of you, you did the right thing.”

“Thank you.” he said, squeezing her hand. He paused for a second, “Just now I have to tell Izzy, and I have a feeling she’s not going to take it well.”

“We can come with you?” Helen said tenderly.

“Thanks,” he said, “But I should probably go alone.” He rolled his eyes, “Classic super hero speech,” he laughed, “When did my life get so complicated?”

“Well you did always want to be batman.”

“Aline!” Alec hissed, widening his eyes. He could see Helen trying to stifle her laughter in the corner. He could only shake his head.

~

“I’m not seeing him.” Izzy spat, her eyes narrowed, her face set, he could tell she would not budge.  “He broke your heart, he broke mine.” Simon moved to put his arm around her but she shrugged it off, isolating herself.

“He’s changed, Iz, he’s willing to change.”

“People don’t change Alec. Not ever.” Her voice was fierce but Alec could hear the sadness laced amid the spikes. Izzy was so fiercely independent, she was strong and bitter, and she needed nobody. She was a warrior. She could stand upon the mouth of hell and survive, but every so often Alec detected bits of softness within her, vulnerability. She was strong because she had to be, and she pushed people away because she was afraid of pain, and sometimes she just needed someone to hug her close and tell her it was all going to be okay. Sometimes everybody did. The pair of them had been so full of bitterness for so long, they’d hardened, they’d built their own lives from scratch, the idea of reaching out, of accepting help was difficult for them both. Everything-I-own-I-Earned-Myself. Alec had to remember that their family had haunted her as much as it had him. I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your house down. She had only been fifteen, four years older than Max was now, and Alec was struck by her youth, forced to grow up too fast. He felt tears in his eyes.

“Just one dinner, Izzy, please, I know it’s hard.”

She looked down, “I’ll think about it,” she took a deep breath, “for you. Not him. Only for you.”

“Thank you.”

She stared down at the floor and Alec could see the concern in Simon’s eyes, the pain, his left arm itching to hold her, to pull her close, his mind sensing she needed space. Simon had been good for Izzy, as much as Alec three years had not wanted to admit it. She’s my little sister, Aline, and this guy’s a loser, straight up. Give him time, Alec, you have to trust Izzy, she knows what she’s doing. Their relationship had done nothing but blossom, Simon the perfect equalizer, the slow and steady sunrise to Izzy’s dark night. They balanced each other, and Alec had never seen Izzy so happy as the day she had come racing to his house, practically knocking down the front door, a ring on her finger, and Simon right behind her, struggling to keep up. She’d beamed for the inside out. Simon softened her edges, and Alec had grown to love him like a brother, like an annoying brother you never quite understand, but a brother all the same. A part of the family; someone he was willing to protect. He softened Izzy’s edges, he made her happy, and Alec was forever grateful for that.

~

“You wanna go to the cinema?” Aline said, glancing over at him from the other sofa. Helen was upstairs. Alec had noticed that they’d been trying to spend less time together in front of him since the Magnus incident, it was sweet really. If not unnecessary, Alec could feel the love for each other, whether they were sat together or not (although he did appreciate the lack of making out in the living room).

He’d been trying to push what had happened back, trying to bury it and forget. But truth be told, weeks had passed and he still thought about it, thought about him. About Magnus. Despite all the trouble with his family, despite his constant attention from his friends, the memory still lingered in his mind. The taste of peaches and bitter disappointment. Had he done the right thing? Had he been overreacting? Sometimes thoughts would creep into his head, but Magnus can’t help being immortal, it’s not that it’s that he lied, he was telling you the truth, he didn’t want to scare you away, he should have told me sooner this changes everything, maybe that’s what he was afraid of, that you would reject him, you remember what rejection feels like. A constant argument in his head.

And then there were times when there were no words. Just a memory floating into his subconscious, his head in Magnus’ lap, his hands curling in his hair, warm and content. Heads both back against the sofa, the moon in the rear window, holding hands under the table, kissing him in the middle of the dancefloor. Eyes connecting over the restaurant table. A walk in the park. Memories of him and Magnus. And he couldn’t deny it. No matter how much he tried to bury it, to push past it, to forget. Magnus lingered. And Alec had learned a lesson about blame, he had spent time growing, at least he hoped he had. He couldn’t do it again. He couldn’t stop reflecting all his demons, all his problems onto his father’s face and start reflecting them onto Magnus instead. He had learnt. He had learnt? His problems had been beyond Magnus, they were always beyond Magnus.

He had to forgive. He had to forget. He had to forget?

His hand lingered over his phone, floating over the screen. He should call, shouldn’t he? But what would he say? I’m sorry I ran away from you, but you broke my heart. An impossible quest, from a logical standpoint it was easier to forget, move on, there was too much pain there, a tangled web of hidden truths. He still felt as if he didn’t really know anything about Magnus, and now he had four hundred more years to catch up on. Maybe it was more pain than it was really worth. Then again, love wasn’t logical, and he couldn’t detach himself from the situation, he wasn’t looking at an interwoven, tangled web but rather he was at the heart of it, the tangled ropes wrapped around his arms, his legs. He was drawn to the pain, he didn’t want to push it away. He took a deep breath. Maybe another day.

“Earth to Alec.” Aline said, waving her hand in front of her.

“Huh?” Alec said, snapping back to reality.

“Cinema? You want to go?”

He shook his head, “No you go, take Helen, I know all of this has been for my benefit.”

Aline blushed slightly, “I’m not leaving you here.” Her face was determined. But Alec knew she was more easily softened than Izzy.

“Aline, I’m fine, and besides with any luck I should be going out to dinner with my family.” Just the word made him smile, family, something he had thought he had lost.

“Good for you,” Aline said, smiling widely. “I hope you get everything you’ve ever wanted, Alec.” She beamed and Alec went bright red,

“Aline….” He felt a small tear drop down his face.

“I mean it, you deserve the world, and I hope you get it.” Alec reached forward, pulling Aline into a bear hug, so forcefully both of them ended up on the floor, Aline falling on top of him, laughing so hard her whole body seemed to vibrate, her hair shaking and falling against his face.

“I love you so much, Aline, you know that?” Alec said, his tears mixing in with his laughter. A perfect rainbow.

“I know” she grinned. It was a moment of pure happiness for Alec. He had friends, he had family. And although he knew that Aline loved him, and Helen, and all the rest, he could see in all the small (and big) gestures, both he and Aline were reserved, and these moments of blazen love and honesty were rare. And thus Alec cherished them like pearls.

“What’s going on over here?” Helen grinned, “I’m not going to let you get all emotional and happy without me.” She said, throwing her down into the hug pile.

“I love you too, Helen.” Alec said smiling, “But right now you’re crushing my ribcage.”

All three of them laughed, loud and clear to blow the cobwebs away. Everything was starting to become clear to Alec, the fog clearing from his path ahead.

~

Alec shifted from foot to foot outside Izzy’s door. The evening air was a little colder that he’d expected it to be, and it was making his hand shake even more. He ran it through his hair. You look gorgeous, Aline had called from the sofa, knock them dead, Aline they’re my parents, oh yeah, well, impress them? I don’t know.

He knocked one more time, feeling the heavy brass knocker cool in his hand. The door swung open, and there stood Simon. His hair for once seemed to have been brushed, or styled, his usual messy curls had been tamed a little, and instead of a print t-shirt, he was wearing a buttoned-up shirt.

“She’ll be down in a second.” He said, smiling at Alec.

“Is she okay?”

Simon sighed, “She’ll get there, or at least I hope she will.”

Izzy came down the stairs, wearing a simple sun dress, peach and flowering in the evening light, flowing around her knees. She wore only minimal make-up and her hair was tied back into a simple plait down her back. Alec smiled,

“Good to see you, Izzy,”

“You too, your top button’s undone.” She said, narrowing her eyes,

“It’s on purpose,” Alec half-laughed, “that’s the style, or so I’m told.”

“What kind of impression will that make?” she said, her voice smaller than usual, a nervous edge to her lilt, and as she leaned forward to do up his top button, he could see her hands shake a little.

A big day. He took her hand a squeezed it slightly,

“We’re going to be okay.”

“I hope you’re right”

Chapter Text

Alec could see them sitting in the window. Three familiar faces, nerves splashed across their faces like water from a cold tap. A face in the mirror. One. Two. Three. Breathe. You can do this. He could see his father tapping his leg, Max shifting in his seat, his mother’s face was ashen white, as if she was fading in and out of the wall behind her. Part of the furniture. Unable to take corporeal form.

A deep breath.

He took Izzy’s hand, Simon taking the other. Like a train, memories of pre-school and day trips all tied together, innocence and support. Before he was cut off from the group, released into the world, alone.

“Hi” Alec said quietly. His father stood up, as if he were startled by his mere presence.

“G-good to see you again Alec,” he said, reaching out his hand. Alec dropped Izzy’s hand,

“Dad,” he said, shaking his father’s hand awkwardly. He noticed a falter behind his father’s usual bravado. “Max,” he grinned, reaching to ruffle his hair before smiling at his mother. But she wasn’t looking at him, she was staring at Izzy, her eyes wide and full of tears.

“Isabelle.” She said softly in a half-gasp. Max reached for his mum’s hand under the table. Izzy looked very pale, and Alec could see her shrink a little within herself, edging backwards towards Simon. It took a lot to phase Izzy. And it turned out dredging up long-dead memories of family was one of them. The demons have their hats on and their coming out to play.

“Hi,” she said firmly, with a small nod of her head, noticeably avoiding her father’s handshake and taking her seat at the far end of the table.

“And who is this?” Robert said, trying to keep the edge of hurt out of his voice,

“I’m S-Simon” Simon said, stuttering slightly his face red as Izzy glared at him trying to get him to sit down. “Izzy’s fiancée.”

Both Robert and Maryse’s eyes filled with shock, Maryse looking down at the floor and Alec could see Max gripping her hand a little harder as Alec placed his hand on her shoulder.

Robert tried to keep his voice steady, “Nice to meet you Simon,” he said, smiling and nodding, his hand twitched by his side as if he wanted to shake his hand but was afraid of the rejection. Alec guessed thirty years in the same job carved marks into you, gave you impulses such as a wish to shake people’s hand and hyper-masculinity. Three hundred robots in three hundred charcoal suits.

“I didn’t know you were engaged, Izzy- Isabelle.”

“Why would you.” She spat, her eyes darkening. The walls were up, and Izzy sat in the midst, the fierce flames licking at her skin. A mix of pain and defiance. And Robert seemed to step back a little, a look of hurt written all over his face.

It was going to be a long night. And a long few months after that.

There was a long healing process ahead of them.

~

Izzy glared down at the floor, and Alec tried to move conversation on, sitting down next to Izzy, opposite Simon.

“How was school Max?”

“Fine” he said, quietly but he seemed distracted, as if he were trying not to stare at Izzy, at Simon. Alec supposed it wasn’t everyday your long-lost brother and sister came back in the same week. He couldn’t imagine what must be twisting through his head, he wondered if he remembered their faces exactly, if looking at them was like time travel; looking back six years. He wondered if he’d ever sat and imagined what they’d become, who they were, if he’d ever passed a magazine in a supermarket and done a double-take, a past world hurtling towards him, those trade-mark blue eyes staring back. So close and yet so far.  He felt waves of sorrow, five-year-old Max had barely scratched the surface with getting to know his own family, and eleven-year-old Max was being made to pick up the pieces. But then again life has a tendency to give us what we thought we always wanted with a bitter twist, a snake with a sting in its tail. Not a happy reunion, but a difficult one, laced with all the feelings of the last six years. Life wasn’t a beautiful, beachside reunion complete with flowing hair and rising music. Life was exactly this, slow and painful and awkward and complicated.

“He was on a school trip today, weren’t you Max.” Robert said with a half-smile, still clearly a little shaken. Alec felt it odd that he could notice these details now, that his father was not simply a man made of steel, out of tin. If I only had a heart. That now he could see a rainbow of emotions, beneath his skin, like light refracted through a window, the light opening up to show what was inside. Maybe he never was just the tin man, maybe Alec was simply too small to see his complexities. But now Alec could sense the same energy in his father as in himself, as if they were both holding a bunch of threads that were slipping through their fingers and they were desperately trying to keep them together, to stop the fabric from tearing, from being ruined. Alec sensed they might be fighting a losing battle. But for once in his life he was on the same side as his father, and although the feeling left him unsettled, he couldn’t deny the small piece of happiness it brought him.

“He went to the empire state building.” Maryse said softly, picking at her green beans with her fork.

“It was quite lame really,” Max said, “They wouldn’t even let us in the gift shop.”

Alec laughed, “Next time, buddy huh. Maybe I’ll take you?” The air was still a little uncertain, waves of quiet electric energy hanging above the dinner table.

“I’d like that” Max said, quietly smiling.

Izzy shook her head slowly. “You okay Iz?” Simon said softly, as everybody else tried not to look.

“I can’t do it.”  She said quietly, “I can’t play happy families and pretend everything’s okay,” she said quietly, her voice getting stronger, “I can’t do it.” She looked up defiantly, “I’m leaving.”

“Izzy wait – please” Alec said, standing up.

“No Alec.” She shouted, grabbing Simons’ hand and storming out, her dress flowing behind her. A thousand eyes seemed to pin Alec to his chair. Don’t make a scene. A nice, normal family. Alec watched her leave as she became smaller and smaller, she and Simon disappearing like little lights into the night.

He sighed, sitting back down in defeat. Maybe everything was too far gone. Maybe there was no redemption. We all carry scars, of our past, written across our bodies, across our hearts. He wondered if people knew that, when they passed models on the front of magazines, if when they saw Izzy staring out at them, they realised the invisible scars that covered her head to toe. He guessed not. Most people were too busy living their own lives, trying to cover their own scars. The way of the world.

He turned back to the table, a small tear running down his mother’s cheek, Max staring at the floor. He and his father looked at each other. Time to pick up the pieces.

~

The phone rang, cutting through the darkness. Izzy brushed the tears out from under her eyes, her cheeks puffy and swollen. Her hair was greasy and un-brushed. She was glad Simon wasn’t here, she didn’t want him to see her like this. I’m marrying all of you, Izzy. An unspoken silence, I wish you’d let me in more. She could feel herself doing it again, slipping further into herself, pushing those she loved away. The only person a girl can depend on is herself. A mantra.

The light tried to squirm through the blinds. Small sketches of light in the pitch black, small holes in the fabric of time. All the blinds shut at 3pm, this just might be rock bottom.

She picked up the phone, leaning back against the wall.

“Hello,” the voice sounded uncertain and was unrecognisable to her (at least it wasn’t Alec checking up on her – again, she couldn’t take any more pity). “Isabelle?”

“Who are you?” she said, noticing the crack in her voice, the hoarseness.

“It’s Raphael,” the voice paused, “Raphael Santiago, a friend of Magnus’”

Izzy hesitated, tempted to hang up, to crawl back into her duvet, and let her sorrow wrap itself around her again. A safe haven. A gentle cradle. But she couldn’t shake a feeling, the pain in Alec’s eyes, the cumulative pain. But also the pure joy she’d seen in his eyes on that dancefloor, twirling and laughing. Alec deserved happiness and she couldn’t let him throw it away based on a tipping scale. It wasn’t Magnus who had caused him the pain, she knew that and she knew that deep down Alec knew that too. As much pain as her brother had put her through recently, she loved him with all her heart and she wanted him to be happy, to be settled. A small sigh escaped her lips, one second her life had been seemingly picture perfect, work was going well, she had great friends, an engagement, she was spinning and dancing to a happy number in her own musical, the confetti falling and the credits rolling, and then; the aftermath. Reality could be a bitch.

“You still there?” came a voice.

“Yes, of course, what do you want?”

“I’m calling about Alec,”

“I assumed,”

“He has a right to be upset, I know that, I just think, I don’t wish to be insensitive...”

“He overreacted?”

“You think so too?” Raphael said, sounding shocked.

“I do and I don’t… this was about more than Magnus, Alec, he’s…” her voice broke a little, “we’re all going through a lot.”

Raphael murmured as if he understood, “I thought it might be bigger than Magnus, I tried to tell him but you know how stubborn he is.”

“You should let him know,” Izzy said, “Save him some pain, I know Alec will come around.”

“So he’s not angry at Magnus?”

“He is,” Izzy said thoughtfully, “But I think he also recognises that this isn’t really about him. He knows he overreacted.” Izzy could feel Raphael smiling from the other end of the phone. “You’re a good friend to Magnus,” she said, her voice warming up a little. She felt very aware suddenly of the dried tears on her cheek, aware of how they caught the fragmented sunlight. A mirror image. “I don’t know how many people would go this far to make their friend happy.”

“You bet I am.” Raphael laughed, “You don’t spent three lifetimes with someone, without picking up a few tricks.”

“So your immortal too,” she rolled her eyes, almost laughing at the absurdity of her statement, at her casual reaction, it was crazy how much your life could change in just two weeks. “god does anyone age in this town?”

Raphael laughed, “Not if they can help it.”

Izzy laughed, “I would ask you how you got this number but I’m guessing magic of some kind.”

“Something like that.”

Izzy hung up the phone, smiling. She slowly moved towards the window drawing the blind up before collapsing on the sofa. Baby steps. At least something was getting sorted. At least one of them could be happy.

~

Alec’s hands twitched over his phone. Could he do it? What would it mean? He felt an urge inside, to reach out, to re-establish their connection. Fragility hovered beneath his paper skin, he’d healed just enough that it would hurt twice as much if Magnus broke his heart again. It would hurt twice as much to watch him leave.

But he couldn’t let fear stop him. Not again.

He reached out for his phone, curling his knees up to his chest and leaning his head against the headboard. The rings seemed to play out forever, droning in and out in time with Alec’s breathing.

Hello. You have reached the answer machine of Magnus Bane, lucky you. Leave your message!

The voice of a chirpier Magnus exploded from the phone, and it dug into Alec’s chest. Hearing his voice again, even just a recorded version, made him seem real again. He wasn’t just a figment of his imagination, a shadow to reflect his feelings onto, but rather flesh and blood, a body and a mind. He wasn’t an outlet for his emotions but a person. It made him feel guiltier.

Hi. It’s Alec. I know I’ve been distant, but I miss you. I hope you’re doing well. I’m not quite sure what else to say-

The machine cut off. It was done. All he could do now was wait.

~

Magnus laughed out loud, a crystal cocktail class in one hand as Ragnor stood before him.

“Monster? Cat? Dragon?”

“No I know it has to be ogre, right?!” Raphael laughed.

Ragnor only rolled his eyes. They’d been playing charades for the last couple of hours, and it turned out you can’t really act out Azazel, Prince of Hell too easily. It had been a wrong choice, but Ragnor was in too deep to go back. He sighed, you’d think a couple of lifetimes of friendship would make charades easier, but alas no.

“Right second word.” Raphael shouted, his large grin showing off two large fangs, a bloody Mary (literally) clutched in his left hand.

Ragnor mimed placing a crown on his head, placing his hands on his hips and standing up straight.

“Superman, no wait Batman, no wait Ironman!” Magnus slurred, falling onto Raphael’s shoulder in his slight drunkenness. Ragnor only rolled his eyes.

“No.”

“I give up” Raphael said,

“You can’t.”

Magnus laughed, reaching over to look at his phone. His face dropped, his hand hovering still above him, as if he were blocking the sun from his eyes.

“Magnus, Mag, you okay?” Raphael said, the smile dropping from his face, placing his drink down on the coffee table.

Magnus turned the phone to show Raphael, his hand feeling a little shaky.

One voicemail from Alexander Lightwood.

“Oh shit.” Raphael said.

“What does this mean?” Magnus said, falling back onto the sofa, Ragnor falling next to him and Raphael shuffling closer.

“I guess you have to listen to it.” Ragnor said, placing his hand on Magnus’ shoulder.

~

A bleep through the darkness. Alec squinted, a face full of sleep, he groped through the darkness searching for his phone.

One message from Magnus Bane.

He sat up a little straighter.

I miss you too.

He smiled, flicking the light on and ignoring the burning in his eyes. And for a single moment, he just looked at the text, grinning as he leaned his head against the headboard.

~

Izzy had locked herself in her house all week.

She’s been turning down job offers, Simon said in hushed tones down the phone, I don’t know how to help her.

And Alec felt at a loss, there were so many things in his life that were spiralling. He felt like he was juggling a thousand balls in the air, all of them threatening to fall at any moment. Izzy. Max. Mum. Dad. Magnus. Aline. Helen. Jace. Clary. Simon.

And he couldn’t help but feel guilty (which seemed to be a common theme in his self-made adult life), here Izzy was, in the dark, a darkness he caused, and yet he had a small light. He’d started talking to Magnus again. Small texts in the moonlight, small tethers of conversation, each of them avoiding the big topics, each of them treading lightly, taking it slowly.

We should meet up, Magnus typed hesitantly, we should talk it through.

A small smile spread across Alec’s lips.

“What are you smiling about?” Aline said, coming out from the kitchen, two mugs of coffee in her hand.

“Nothing.” Alec said, but he could see the small flicker of a smile across her lips.

~

Alec was going to Izzy’s every night after work. She smiled, and offered him coffee, she asked him about his day, but Alec could see the pain behind her eyes, bound together, I’ll be there for you, and you’ll be there for me. Till the end of my days.

Do you want to come out with us, we’re heading to the park?

Film night at ours?

Cinema?

Café?

But the offers were always met with a small shake of her head.

“Izzy you need to get out of this house, it’s eating away at you.” Alec said, opening the blinds, letting light flood the room. “You can lie to me all you want, but I know you’re not okay, I know you’re hurting.” he paused, turning back to look at her, “There’s a party for my launch, tonight,” he smiled, “be my date?”

Izzy smiled softly, looking into Alec’s fierce eyes, and sensing she was defeated. “Okay.” She wrapped her arms tighter around her own body, seeking comfort.

Chapter Text

Izzy sat tentatively on the edge of her stool, her hands clutching at her white dress. Clary had come to do her hair, the two of them laughing in the living room, a trashy reality show on the TV whilst Alec tried to make small talk with Simon in the kitchen. He held a warm mug of coffee in his hands, taking sips during the silences. Simon half-smiled and stared at the kitchen sink.

“I appreciate this, you know.” Simon said, leaning against the counter, one hand shoved firmly into a grey cardigan that hung from his shoulder. The front of his hair was messed up and Alec imagined he had been running his hands through it consistently, he could see the shake of worry in his hands. He seemed smaller than usual somehow, as if he was collapsing in on himself. Alec noticed a small hole in the sleeve of his cardigan, thumb-sized.

“No problem.” He paused, watching Simon, his eyes firmly on Isabelle, the quirk of her lip, her hair black as the night against the white walls. “Are you okay Simon?”

“Fine.” Simon said, taking a sip of his coffee, burying his head in the mug.

“Simon?” Alec said softly, “You can tell me the truth,” he paused, smiling “we’re going to be brothers you know.”

Simon grinned and Alec wondered if that was the first time he had said that to Simon, the first time he had let the word tie them together, a thread; brothers. He hoped not. Aline had told him he sometimes came off as cold and distant, in the nicest way possible, I’m the same way, and I know you don’t mean it, but he wasn’t, not really, he just struggled with the whole say-your-emotions out loud thing. But once he let someone in, he protected them, till the end of time.  

“I just-“Simon murmured, “-I just wish it was me, you know, who could help her, make her happy.” He nudged his glasses a millimetre up his nose, not making direct eye contact with Alec. “I want to be there for her.”

“You are there for her.”

“She’s pushing me away.” He said softly.

“Simon-“ Alec said, moving to place his hand on his shoulder, “-she loves you, she cares about you beyond all else, she’s pushing you away because she’s in pain, and she wants-“ he paused, thinking about how to phrase it, “-she wants to protect you from that pain, she doesn’t want to see you hurt.”

“I’d take on all that hurt, for her.” Simon said, looking up at Alec.

“I know you would.” Alec said, pulling Simon in for a hug. He felt smaller against his chest, tucked perfectly under his chin, smaller than Magnus, and lankier than Jace. He reminded him of Max in that moment. A brother. A bond. He was gaining brothers left right and centre this week it seemed, his small family extending. The more the merrier.

~

He took Izzy by the hand, as they exited the Taxi, the lights of the party calling to them. I’ll be here for you.

Her hair had been woven around a silver flower crown, shining like the moon on the lake, her white cotton dress flowing around her ankles. He smiled at her as they entered the building.

“Alec Lightwood,” A woman smiled, “So glad you could make it!” Alec dropped Izzy’s hand to shake hers.

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world, Eileen,” he paused, “Eileen this is my sister Izzy.”

“Well of course it is,” she laughed, “I’d know your face anywhere, that shoot you did last month, just visionary really, the pink dress? Divine.” She held out her hand “Lovely to meet you.”

Izzy smiled, blushing. She dug Alec in the ribs, “See told you I was more famous than you.” Alec shook his head,

“What can I say,” he turned to Eileen, “in runs in the family.”

She laughed quietly, “I can see that, do you have any other siblings? Any more up-and-coming stars I should know about?” she grinned.

Alec tensed a little, looking over at Izzy, but to his surprise she only smiled softly, a small glow inching over her face.

“Max,” she said, smiling.

“Although he seems to be more interested in football than modelling at the moment,” Alec laughed, and Eileen smiled,

“It must be nice, the three of you,” she smiled, noticing an old friend out of the corner of her eye. “Is that Diana?” She said, grinning, “Do excuse me, I haven’t seen her in years.” She said eyeing a tall woman who was lingering near the buffet, trying to edge herself away from a man in a suit.

“Of course.” Alec said, taking Izzy’s hand again. A nice normal family. That’s what they were to the outside eye and that was what they would be, if Alec got his way.

~

“I love this song!” Izzy said, a (fourth) glass of prosecco clutched in her hand, grabbing Alec by the hand, and whirling him onto the dancefloor.

“Iz –“ he complained, “-there’s no one on this dancefloor, in fact I’m not even sure this is a dancefloor.” He said, laughing, as she twirled him around, a fair few people staring at them, and most of them smiling. A few of them frowning, their ties dragging them down, perfectly ironed collars clutching to their perfectly ironed faces.

“Alec, brother, the whole world is your dancefloor.”

Alec shook his head, “and we’re back to cheesy quote of the day then?”

“Uh-huh,” she said, whirling him round one more time, the music (which he swore someone had turned up – if he wasn’t careful they would wind up in a Grease! situation) vibrating through the floor board. He danced some more, laughing, Izzy twirling him round and right into the back of someone else. He felt himself crash against somebody, almost tumbling, if Izzy hadn’t caught him, her mouth hanging open slightly.

“Oh god, I’m so sorry,” she said laughing, pulling Alec closer to her.

“Whoever made me spill my drink, is buying me another one.” Came a familiar drawl, the man spinning around on his heel. His hair had been dip dyed a dark purple, and silver glitter was smudged on his eyelids. His dark purple waistcoat was encrusted in tiny silver mirrors, which at that moment reflected thirty versions of Alec’s face, each of them hung with shock.

“Magnus?” He said, feeling Izzy grip at his arm,

“Alec,” he smiled, “I could have known it would have been you two, causing trouble.” He said sarcastically, but the soft edge to his voice gave him away, his face had softened. He smiled slightly, his whole body relaxing, his face full of nerves and tentative happiness. A small light in the darkness, a small glow.

“It’s good to see you.” Alec said, “You look nice,” he said and he swore the music quietened a little, the background growing blurry, as if people were fading. He couldn’t take his eyes off Magnus.

“As do you.” He said, with a small nod of his head.

“I can get you that drink now if you want.” Alec smirked, motioning towards the bar. It was a little awkward and stilted, like a new-born deer finding its feet, bounding over its long legs, but there was a small spark, and Alec could feel it starting to take light.

“I’d be honoured.” Magnus said, following Alec at a respectful distance, his eyes gleaming. A second beginning, as tenuous as the first, but with more weight. They knew what the spark could grow to be, the future wasn’t shrouded in mist, but rather alight in the irises of their eyes.

~

Great, Izzy thought, that’s my date gone. She looked around the floor, feeling suddenly smaller amid the unknown faces. Her eyes drifted over to the corner of the room, a familiar face, a man in a sharp black suit, his eyes rested on Magnus, his dark skin glowing in the light. Raphael.

~

Great. Now I’m alone. Raphael thought, I do Mag a favour to get him out the house and what do I get? For once he was cursing Ragnor’s ‘no mundane parties’ rule. Ragnor never liked to come to events, he was too proud to glamour his green skin, and he didn’t like the looks mundanes gave him. (Although you could find him at a downworld bash, covered head to toe in glitter and dancing like a maniac.) Out of the three of them he was probably the least integrated into mundane society, preferring to stay in his small social circles, downworlders he’d known for centuries.

How are you ever going to meet new people if you have to know them for centuries first?

Hey I accepted you didn’t I?

Ragnor we met and then I didn’t see you for another twenty years.  

Four hundred years is enough time to know who you do and don’t like, Rafe, you’ll learn,

Maybe you’re just a grouchy old man,

Well there is that as well.

~

“Hey!” Izzy said, aware that her voice was a bit too loud for the kind of party she was at (she always seemed to increase tenfold in volume when she was drunk).

Raphael turned to look at her, “Do I know you?” he said, raising his eyebrows.

“You’re Raphael right? Magnus’ friend. Looks like you’ve been dumped too huh?”

“It would seem so.” Raphael smiled, “You must be Isabelle right?”

“Izzy.” She smiled, reaching out her hand, “Nice to meet you in person, so what brings you here?”

“Magnus,” Raphael said, gesturing, “he gets invited to a lot of parties, and I tend to ride that wave.”

“Never too old to party,” Izzy smirked,

“Now there’s a sentiment I can get behind,” Raphael laughed.

~

Simon scanned the party, clutching at his (one and only) tie.

You should come Simon, I mean it.

I don’t know, I don’t want to wreck it.

You couldn’t. I want you to come, it’ll be a great time.

I don’t know – I’ve got some work to do, and you know - work tomorrow.

It’s Sunday tomorrow Simon

No rest for the wicked, he laughed awkwardly.

Well if you change your mind, Alec slid a piece of paper into his hand, this is the address, you can tell them you’re with me on the door, he smirked,

Don’t lie to me – brother – Simon said pointedly, you love saying that.

You got me there.

He’d been sat at his desk, pretending to read emails, staring out the window at the darkening sky, the purple night bleeding into the blue. Seize the day. He could either sit in that chair and feel sorry for himself or he could go, and live his life.

It had felt like a good idea at the time, but now the butterflies flapped at his throat, and he couldn’t seem to see them through the crowd. He’d had a perfect image in his head, a single spotlight across the dancefloor, a turn of Izzy’s head and a long silver dress, a grin and a perfect twitch of his (non-existent) bowtie. Maybe that’s how he would retell this story later on. Oh god what if he was in the wrong place? It couldn’t possibly be that hard to find them, Alec was like the tallest guy in existence and Izzy was the most beautiful girl in the world. He was starting to think this was a mistake.

“You look a little lost,” a kindly face reached out to him through the darkness, “are you looking for someone?”

“Yeah, umm Izzy – Isabelle Lightwood.”

The woman smiled knowingly, “I knew they had more drop dead gorgeous relatives hanging around,” she laughed, taking in Simon’s nervous face, “don’t worry I’m Eileen – I managed Alec’s last shoot, and a couple of others actually,” She took a breath, taking in Simon’s nervous face, “wait I’m babbling, I’ve seen them around somewhere,” she turned to scan the crowd, “how do you know them, by the way, sweetie.”

Eileen seemed to Simon like the kind of woman who called everyone sweetie, or honey, or darling and would always have a couple of sweets in her bag for emergencies, and like she would give the best hugs, to cure all ills. The way she talked about Iz and Alec made them seem like some kind of celebrity family; Keeping up with the Lightwoods. Simon wondered if she knew that they spent their spare time watching re-runs of America’s next top model and bickering with Aline and Helen about whose turn it was to go shopping. He grinned. He was quite proud really, he knew that every one of Izzy’s shoots were perfect, and it was nice to know that that opinion stretched beyond him. He was feeling more and more at ease.

“I’m Iz’s fiancée, Simon – Simon Lewis.”

“Ah of course you are! I knew I’d seen your face around – you were at the winter gala?”

Simon laughed, “Yeah.” Did being with Izzy make him famous by extension? He’d never heard anyone gush over the Lightwoods, maybe they needed to spend more time in social circles, maybe they would get free holidays, or at least a limo … he was getting ahead of himself.

“There they are!” Eileen said, lifting a hand to point towards Izzy, her back to him, her beautiful white dress reflecting in the light and creating a spotlight, her silver crown shimmering. A fairy princess. Simon swore everything else was blurry. 

“Thanks!” Simon said, “See you around?”

“Of course sweetie.”

Simon began to walk towards to Izzy, she seemed to be talking to a man in a sharp, black suit, and it might have just been the light, but Simon swore he had the sharpest teeth, almost fang-like, that seemed to reflect in the light. Maybe it was a new fashion? He made a mental note to ask Izzy about it, every day the fashion world seemed to get more and more like the capitol. And every day Simon got more and more lost.

~

Simon came up behind Izzy.

“Izzy” Raphael said, motioning her to look behind her, smiling.

“Simon?” Izzy said, taking in his curly hair, his sharp suit, and his thin black tie. “You came?”

“Of course.” He said as she jumped at him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and kissing him deeply. Simon smiled, caught off guard and he could feel Izzy smiling too as he wrapped his arms around her back. He could hear several people cheering in the background. Simon pulled away,

“You’ve got a little –“Raphael said, gesturing to the dark lipstick that had rubbed onto his face.

“Oh” Simon said, “Have you got a mirror?”

Raphael seemed to smirk a little, “No, sorry buddy.”

“Here let me,” Izzy said, grabbing a tissue from her purse, and rubbing gently at Simon’s face.

“I’m gonna go,” Raphael said,

“No it’s okay,” Simon said, lacing his arm around Izzy’s waist, bonded, “Have we met?”

“I’m Raphael,” he said, reaching out his hand, which was surprisingly cold (although he was holding a cold beer – Simon guessed that must have been it), “I’m a friend of Magnus.”

“Magnus is here?” Simon said, looking at Izzy in surprise, scanning the room. And sure enough there he was, he and Alec were sat in a booth, opposite ends of a table, as if they were making a controlled effort not to touch, but Simon could see Alec smiling slightly. It made him feel warm. He was happy for him. Brothers.

~

Alec clutched at his drink, smiling across the table at Magnus.

“So –“Magnus said, “- we said we’d talk about it?”

“Another time,” Alec said quickly, feeling nerves clutching at his throat. He was happy, the light reflected off the glitter across Magnus’ cheekbones, he was glowing. This small snapshot was simple, uncomplicated, he needed it to stay that way. He needed the world to stay perfect, for this one moment. He grinned, “it’s too dark in here already to start dredging all of that dark stuff up,” he laughed. It wasn’t like he was avoiding the subject, okay so maybe he was, but he could feel the delicate little spark, could see it flicker in front of it, and he felt as if dredging up all their issues would just be plunging the spark to the bottom of Lake Lyn.

“Fine by me, as long as there’s another time.” He said, winking.

Alec blushed, grinning slightly, “Of course,” He took a breath, “now catch me up, what have you been up to for the past few months?”

“Where to start?” Magnus said, proceeding to launch into a story all about a shoot he’d done the other day in which the model would only eat red skittles and god-forbid Marvin had accidently mixed a purple one into the bowl.

“Oh the drama,” Alec said, laughing, and taking a sip of his cocktail, very aware of Magnus’ eyes upon him, and he could feel it all again, the flutter in his heart, moving under his paper skin. There was a weight in his chest that was not there the first time around, but the beat in his heart told him to ignore it. This was a new start. “Sad to say there was no such drama back home,” Alec cocked his head, staring at Magnus’ lips, which seemed to be shimmering in the light, “except that Jace’s five-year old division turned on him,” he laughed, “he has quite the bruise, keeps trying to pass it off as a fight in a back alley, but Clary told us all the truth.”

Magnus laughed, throwing back his head, and Alec felt an urge to move closer, to press his leg against Magnus’, to entwine their hands, to become a couple again. But he held himself back, he could sense they weren’t quite there yet. There was still the talk to be had.

“I always got the sense he was talking himself up,” Magnus grinned,

“I don’t know, five year olds can be pretty vicious,” Alec laughed, taking another sip of his drink, Magnus’ mouth curling into a smile as the music swelled behind them like a lapping sea.

~
Izzy was in Simon’s arms, her head on his shoulder as they slowly stepped in time to the music. Only a few other people had joined them on the dancefloor (which was really just the centre of the room), but Simon didn’t care. He felt at his happiest, him and Izzy against the world.

“I’m sorry-“Izzy said, tilting her head to look up at him.

“You don’t need to be, I’m marrying all of you Izzy,” he said, grinning, “and I love all of you, your bad days and your good, remember?”

She smiled, tears in her eyes, “I love you, Simon.”

“I know you do.” He bent down to kiss her gently.

Through the dark Alec was watching them, a smile lighting up his face, Simon had proved himself over and over again but today he felt like family. His own small little family, ever expanding. He reached his hand out to hold Magnus’, stirring his drink with the other. Magnus smiled at him. Everything was going well.

Chapter Text

It had been exactly three days since the party, though to Magnus it felt like much longer.

“Look, Mag, I’m glad you’re feeling better,” Raphael said, recoiling as he came through the door, “and I’m sure daylight is good for the soul and all, but I’m still a vampire remember?” He said, a hand over his face, as he hid out in the hallway.

“Fine.” Magnus said, rolling his eyes as if keeping his friend alive was a minor inconvenience rather than essential, closing the curtain with a flick of the wrist. “Do come in.”

Raphael flung himself down on the sofa, kicking his shoes off as Magnus raised his eyebrows, “So have you heard from him since?” he grinned.

“God Rafe you’re such a gossip” Magnus rolled his eyes, pretending to take the higher ground as if he didn’t crowd round Raphael like a kid in a candy store as soon as he had the down-low on anybody else.

“Well I don’t know about you-know-who but I want to know all the deets,” He smiled, “ooh popcorn, we should have popcorn.”

Magnus flopped down onto the sofa, grinning. You’d think with immortal life gossip would grow boring, but Raphael was as bad as an old woman, tell him something and the whole downworld would know within the hour. Did you hear about … But Magnus always told him anyway, it was worth it just to see his face light up. It was the foundation of their friendship. Magnus shook his head fondly,

“I’m seeing him this afternoon, if you must know,” He said, twisting his scarf in his fingers, “we’re gonna talk it out.”

Raphael dropped the grin from his face, “You feeling okay about it?”

“Yeah should be okay, I think it’s going well,” he paused, “we’ve been talking a lot, on the tweetbook you know?”

“God Magnus!” Raphael sighed, exasperated, “I’ve told you a thousand times, it’s either facebook, or twitter not tweetbook or facechat or snapgram,”

“Whatever it’s not important,” Magnus sighed, ignoring Rafe’s giggles.

Rafe smiled, “You looked close on Saturday,”

Magnus smiled, “Yeah it was nice, I think we have a chance,” Magnus paused, looking down at the floor and running his thumb gently alongside the outside of his mug, “I think I have a chance.”

Raphael took his hand, “Of course you do.”

Raphael hadn’t told Magnus about his phone call to Izzy. He’d wanted to, but when he had seen Magnus so happy, laughing and drinking and joking with Ragnor he’d got a lump in his throat. He didn’t want to dredge up old things, like sand from the bottom of a lake, whirring up what should be settled. He’d started to feel like it wasn’t his place to tell Magnus about Alec’s problems. Izzy had said Alec would work it out, and it looked like he had. And Raphael felt sure that Alec would let Magnus know in his own time. At least he hoped he would.

~
Alec tapped the table with his fingertips. His leg bounced up and down. He watched the clock and swore the hands didn’t move. He’d paced up and down in the living room all day. Be careful or you’ll leave holes in the carpet. Helen would have said if she were there, which she wasn’t. The house was strangely empty, just him and his thoughts rattling against the window panes. And that seemed to make the time go slower. Alec had woken up exceptionally early, imprisoned butterflies in his ribcage. Rib. Cage. Rattling the bars. He’d tried to keep his mind occupied, he’d cleaned the whole kitchen and hoovered the living room, he’d made breakfast and tried to watch TV, and he’d even deep scrubbed the oven (Aline would later ask if he’d been possessed – she’d never seen him voluntarily clean that much in her life.) And all that was all before 10am. Alec’s soul seemed to rattle, leaving goose bumps on his skin. Time was moving differently to usual, Alec was sure of it. His mind wandered to Magnus. He wondered if he had the power to make time run differently, backwards, forwards, side to side. He smiled slightly and made a mental note to ask him. He wanted to know all about the magic, about the underworld of warlocks, about Magnus’ past. He wanted all their cards on the table.

Alec lifted his mug to his lips, the coffee scalding him, his eyes bore into the door, his whole body tensing every time the small bell above the door rang out. Someone’s here.

“If you stare at the door any harder you’re going to put a hole in it.” The barista joked, but Alec was only half-listening. “You waiting for someone?”

“Something like that.” He said, dropping the change into the palm of her hand, only half looking, running a hand through his (freshly washed) hair.

~

“Hey” Magnus said, walking over to Alec and hovering awkwardly close to him, as if he wasn’t sure of the agreed upon distance, as if he wanted to kiss him but second-guessed himself at the last moment. A small glitch in his demeanour. Another smile and a hum between them. What once was. What still could be.

“Hi,” Alec said smiling, noticing the small grin from the barista in the corner of his eye, he half wondered if she recognised Magnus, it wouldn’t surprise him.

“Is this for me?” Magnus said, motioning to the steaming coffee cup that stood upon the wooden bar table, black lights hanging above.

“Yeah,” Alec said, “it’s a caramel macchiato, with extra cream.”

“The regular,” Magnus smiled, “you remembered.” He said, sitting down on the stool, clasping his hands together on top of the table.

“Of course.” Alec smiled, looking into Magnus’ eyes, the carefully drawn line of his eyeliner, the small dash of glitter over his eyelid, tentatively applied. Alec imagined him stood in front of his mirror, and he wondered if his hands had shook as hard as his had. Magnus’ hair curled over his forehead, brushing over his eyebrows. Alec supposed that was how it looked naturally. Then again, it could be all magic. Jilted. The concept was still unusual to Alec.

“So,” Magnus said, taking the lid off his coffee and stirring it, “we’re both avoiding it, let’s get it over with.”

“Yes,” Alec said, “That seems wise.” He swallowed the lump in his throat. “So, tell me your story?”

~

Words spilled between them like milk, weaving and jumping, a frown here, a smile there, a pattern being stitched across the table. Dark and angry and light and hopeful, a tapestry of emotions. It was difficult, like small pinpricks to the skin, a complicated detanglement of past and present, with blame on both sides. Alec shifted uncomfortably in his chair as the story came to light. Not buried away but out in the open, but over all the same, they were entering a new chapter.

~

Soon enough laughter filled the table, Alec’s hand shaking as he lifted the coffee cup to his lips,

“You did not pretend to be the Prince of Persia, you’re lying to me” he laughed, shaking his head,

“It’s all true,” Magnus said with a grin, “every last word, unfortunately for the snake.” He laughed.

Alec grinned, the soft light falling through the window, drawing shadows longer and longer across the table, the stretching of time. He looked down at the dregs of coffee which covered the base of his mug, at the slow ticking hands of his watch, the emptiness of the café, a rather bored looking barista standing in the corner, tapping his foot.

“Oh god, look at the time,” he said, looking up to see Magnus looking at him, his face softened as if he’d just woken from sleep, and suddenly Alec was aware of the closeness of their hands, of the bare intimacy of the moment, the simple glow between them in the soft light, as if fear and doubt and worry and betrayal was being cleansed from their very auras, was floating on the breeze. A fairy-tale sentiment, but one that Alec could begin to believe in, in the soft light, Magnus’ eyes bright and smiling. All he wanted to do was reach out and take his hand, to join them together once more, their stories out in the air, their pasts written across their skin like ink.

“I didn’t know it was that late.” He said, suddenly feeling quite shy, the orange streaks of sky filtering through the window and dancing off of Magnus’ eyes like little fairies. It seemed as if the whole world had stopped for them, that all of nature’s beauty was designed for them.

“We best get going,” Magnus said smiling, reaching for Alec’s hand across the table, and relishing in the blush that spread across his cheeks, “Thanks for your services,” he said, gesturing to the waiter and pulling a twenty dollar note from his pocket, “that’s for you,” the boy smiled curiously, leaning forward to gush and say thank you and help with the door on the way out.

“Was that for my benefit?” Alec said, rolling his eyes,

“No, one must always be polite, Alexander,”

“Wow okay, old man.” Alec laughed, their hands entwined as they walked down the street, the whole world alight with orange, the light bouncing off the buildings, off the windows, to form a perfectly auburn atmosphere, soft and warm. Then again, maybe the sun was just setting, but being by Magnus’ side once more brought out Alec’s poetic side.

~

They reached Alec’s flat just as night was finally falling, the dark settling down into its favourite spots, into the cracks and crevices of the world, shaking off the day.

“I had a really nice time,” Magnus said coyly, his hand still tightly holding Alec’s, swinging back and forth like a school child.

“Classic line, really? Six hundred years and you haven’t worked out any better parting words?” Alec joked, moving subtly closer to Magnus.

“Seven hundred.” Magnus grinned.

“What?”

“Seven hundred.” He repeated,

“Great, well then there’s really no excuse,” Alec smiled, his face moving closer until his forehead was resting against Magnus’, his hand reaching for Magnus’ other hand, until both of their hands were entwined, leaning against each other.

Magnus grinned, “I’ll work on it, but I tell you classics are classic for a reason, you – “ Alec kissed him hard, his right hand moving from Magnus’ to capture the small of his back to stop him from falling over, he pulled away, grinning,

“I had a really nice time too,” he said, placing one last soft kiss on Magnus’ lips, “I’ll call you,” he grinned, disappearing into his house, leaving Magnus slightly dumfounded on the doorstep. He shook his head, smiling and tilted his head back to the night sky, laughter tumbling from his lips. He could feel his own heart stirring, beating. A small orange glow alight once more.

~

Chapter Text

“So how did it go then?” Aline said, peering around the white frame of the bedroom door, her eyebrows arched.

“Huh?” Alec murmured, pushing himself up on his elbows, his head heavy. The room was dark, shadows clung to the walls, shying away from the small crack of light that was spilling from behind the curtains. The duvet lay heavy across his legs, wrapped and warped like some kind of trap. “Aline, what?” Alec said, his voice thick and laced with sleep, his mind unable to form full sentences, his eyes still shut.

“The date,” she said, sitting down on the edge of his bed, her hair up in a messy bun, a long t-shirt draped over her shoulders, a Helen clasped in her hand. “With Magnus?”

“Aline it’s so early.” He moaned, rubbing his eyes.

“It’s like ten,” Helen said, laughing, “good morning by the way.”

“Let me get dressed,” Alec said, aware of his partial nudity, the three of them crammed in his small, dark bedroom discussing Magnus suddenly felt very intimate, very personal. Even if the other two were some of his closest friends, “then I’ll tell you all the deets, I promise.” He said, rolling his eyes.

“You better,” Aline joked, “We’ll be waiting.”

~
Alec took a quick shower, stepping out of the intimate warmth and feeling refreshed, he quickly shook his hair before pulling a plain black t-shirt over his head, shoving on his old jeans, scrambling around his room to find a belt before giving up, deciding that if he wasn’t leaving the house, it didn’t really matter.

He came downstairs to be faced with a hoard of people, he blinked quickly, screwing up his forehead,

“Izzy what are you doing here?”

“We were in the area,” she said, perched on the edge of the sofa, a cup of coffee in her hand, her long black hair plaited down her back and tied, a baggy grey charcoal jumper hung over a pair of black skinny jeans and a pair of ankle boots he recognised from Clary’s wardrobe. A classic post-shoot outfit.

“We?” Alec said, raising an eyebrow,

“Simon’s here,” she said, gesturing to the kitchen where Simon seemed to be talking Helen’s ear off about camera angles, her arm around Aline as he stirred the coffee, Aline smirking while Helen nodded, looking invested with great interest (then again she was great at being supportive).

“Hey” Simon called from the kitchen,

“You were in the area?” Alec raised his eyebrows sceptically, “Where exactly?”

“I had a shoot.” Izzy said, taking a sip of her coffee, Aline shooting her a grin.

“Izzy that was in New Jersey you told me last week,”

“Dammit, okay you caught me I wanted the goss,” Izzy said, smiling over the top of the mug.

“And I wanted a doughnut!” Simon piped up,

“You see Simon wanted a doughnut, important.” She arched her eyebrows,

“There are no doughnuts in New Jersey?” Alec asked, flopping down on the sofa next to Izzy, and running a hand through his (still wet) hair.

“Not a one.” She said, her face perfectly sincere. “Anyway, since I’m here, scoot” she said, moving next to him, “and spill.”

“Wait for us! We had dibs on the gossip!” Aline shouted from the kitchen, sitting curled on Helen’s lap on the armchair, a large bowl in her hand.

“Is that popcorn?” Alec said.

“Maybe.” She laughed,

“God you always did have a flair for the dramatic.” Alec rolled his eyes,

“Hey, me! I want some!” Simon said, having perched on the arm of the sofa next to Izzy. Aline preceded to start to throw popcorn towards Simon, most of it hitting him in the face as he comically tried to catch it. Izzy rolled her eyes, as Aline picked up another handful, most of which seemed to bounce off of Simon’s wonky glasses.

“It’s getting all over the floor!” Helen protested, only half serious.

“Okay, I’ll stop, just for you,” Aline said, kissing Helen softly on the lips, her eyes soft and full of love.

“Okay, lovebirds, focus - gossip.” Izzy said, turning to Alec expectantly.

“Okay-“ Alec started.

~

“Damn, your turn Ragnor,” Catarina said, her hair tied into two perfect space buns, (when Magnus had commented on them she’d preceded to get a tutorial up on youtube, talking excitedly about the ‘modern era’, such speed, you really can find anything these days, learn anything.) a small line of silver glitter under each eyelid, in a fashion choice Magnus liked to think was inspired by him, (although he would never say that to Cat – she had a steely glare when she wanted to.) or possibly Coachella.

“Have you even had a strike this entire time?” Ragnor said smirking, Cat’s face clouding over, raising the Wii remote as if she planned on hitting him over the head (which wouldn’t be the first time.).

“Children calm down,” Magnus said, waving his left arm, “it’s Wii bowling how important can it be?” Magnus leant back in his armchair, a margarita clutched in his left hand (Mag it’s ten in the morning, it’s happy hour somewhere.).

“Just cause you’re losing.” Raphael quipped.

“Hey that’s only caused you banned magic.”

Raphael shook his head, “that’s called cheating Mag,”

“Or is it called progress?”

“No!” The three of them shouted in unison, and Magnus sunk lower in his seat in defeat. Ragnor walked towards the tv, the Wii remote (now with a silicone case, after the great incident of 2014), clutched in his hand, and what could only be described as a game face. No one took Wii bowling more seriously than Ragnor. Ragnor played to win, and he usually did, (Rafe had beat him exactly once which had resulted in a serious tantrum – one of Magnus’ cushions had been sacrificed.)

Ragnor bowled, “A perfect strike, there’s no coming back from that Rafe.”

Raphael shook his head, “I guess not,” he twisted in his chair, seemingly pouncing on Magnus, “so Mag, the date, what happened?”

“Ooh yes,” Catarina said, sitting down next to Raphael, and magicking a drink into her hand.

“Is that a strawberry daiquiri?” Raphael said,

“Yeah, want one?”

“Always” Raphael said, as she magicked one into her other hand, passing it to Rafe.

“Can I have one?” Ragnor said, still triumphant from his win.

“What am I some kind of shop? Get one yourself.”

“But Rafe got one,” Ragnor said, pretending to pout.

“He’s a vampire, lesser power, you know the drill.”

“Hey!” Raphael said indignantly, a straw in the corner of his mouth.

“No offence sweetie.” She said with a sweet smile, which was only enhanced by the mass amount of glitter on her face.

“None taken, anyway, Magnus, the gossip, go!”

~

Alec was settling into the story, “So I met him at the café right, it was drizzling slightly, properly grey, and I was super early because I couldn’t sleep, so I wore my black shirt you know the nice one-“

“the one from Kith?” Izzy said, leaning forward,

“I don’t know where it was from,” Alec said

“Believe me you’d know if it was from Kith-“

“Izzy does it matter?”

 Izzy sighed, leaning back, “carry on,”

“So it was raining, proper grey and I’d forgotten my umbrella-“

“Alec we get it, it was raining, can we get to the good stuff?” Aline interjected, grinning as she shovelled another handful of popcorn into her mouth.

“It’s called atmosphere – Aline.” Alec rolled his eyes,

“Yeah let him tell his story,” Helen said, earning a glare from Aline before she jokingly messed up her hair.

“Anyway- it’s raining –“ Alec said, interrupted by a knock at the door.

~
“Clary?” Alec said, opening the door, a full head of bright red hair shining against the rather grey morning, “What are you doing here?”

“Hello to you too,” she said, forcing her way through the door, “I’m doing your make-up remember?”

“That’s tomorrow” Alec looked sceptically at her lack of bags, “you haven’t even brought anything, you’re such a bad liar,” he rolled his eyes.

“Okay, okay, I wanted to hear all about the date.” She grinned, tapping him on the nose, “Did I miss anything?” she said to Aline.

“It was raining,” she said pointedly, “want some popcorn? There’s some in the kitchen.”

“I’ll have some, “Came a voice from behind the door. Jace.

“Well now it’s a party,” Alec laughed, “who else is with you, the new York marching band” he joked, “wait Jace are you wearing a full karate costume?” he said,

“minus the headband,” he said, running a hand through his hair,  “came straight from class.”

“Okay bruce lee,”

“That’s why we’re late.” Clary said, pulling Jace with her into the kitchen to grab a bowl of popcorn.

“Late?” Alec said, looking lost, “Aline?! Was this an event.”

“Maybe” she said sheepishly,

“Dude it had a facebook page,” Jace laughed,

“Jace Herondale!” Aline scolded, “A secret facebook page.”

“I can’t believe you Aline,” Alec shook his head, a small smile spreading across his face, “well actually I can but still.” He shook his head fondly, sitting back down on the sofa as Clary and Jace sat down in the armchair, a large bowl of popcorn balanced on Clary’s knee.

“Well you better all settle down then-“Alec shook his head, “so it was raining,”

“We know that!” Aline said, jokingly throwing a hand of popcorn at him,

“So it was raining and –“

~

“It was raining when I got there.” Magnus said, leaning forward, “and he was sat a table tucked in the corner, he bought my drink for me, my regular.”

“A gentleman.” Cat nodded,

“Naturally. Anyway, he looked really good and we decided to stop beating around the bush, and just talk about what we needed to.” Raphael smiled, a proper conversation was much needed. “I told him my story,”

“All of it?” Ragnor laughed, “That’s a lot of story.”

“Yeah but after a while it felt less formal – less like I was recounting something for the sake of it – it felt natural you know, I told him all my best stories and he told me some stories from his childhood – although I felt like he didn’t feel like they compared to mine.”

“I mean you’ve lived longer he’s bound to feel like that.” Catarina said, taking another sip from her drink.

“I know, I know I just wanted to tell him it wasn’t true, I love learning things about him, anything, it’s just more of the man I love you know?”

“Aww Mags has gone all sappy on us.” Rafe said, knocking him on the arm.

Magnus rolled his eyes, “Anyway-“

~
“It was super natural between us, like it was before, and he told me all about his past, and so it felt even stronger than before you know, like that same spark was there, that same connection between us, but this time it felt more grounded in something, like he was a fuller person than before.”

“God I bet he had some stories.” Izzy laughed.

“Uh-huh.” Clary said.

“You guys don’t know the half of it.” He said, smiling, secretly grateful that Izzy and Aline seemed to have filled people in behind the scenes.

“Anyway, just all this time went by without us even realising – and then it was closing time.”

“Wow you were there a long time.” Izzy squealed,

“Yeah” Alec smiled shyly,

~

“And then I took his hand, and we just walked for a bit, the air was light orange and dusk was falling and everything felt soft and happy.”

“Aww” Catarina smiled.

“And then when I went to say goodbye to him, we were just talking and he was getting closer and closer to me –“

~
“And I kissed him.” Alec said, looking down at the floor, as he felt everyone around him grin.

“Way to go little brother.” Izzy said, leaning against him, “I’m so glad it went well for you.”

“Yeah me too.” Alec said, smiling.

“So you’re going on another date?” Clary asked

“Yeah I’ve got to call him.”

“So what are you waiting for?” Aline said, throwing him his phone from the coffee table in front of them, “Do it now.”

“I’m not doing it in front of you guys,” Alec said, catching his phone and slipping out the back door.

He dialled the number, watching the grey clouds slide past, a small patch of blue peeking through. It looked as if it were warming up to be a nice day.

“Hey Magnus –“

~

“Is that him?” Catarina squealed, “Answer it!”

Magnus grinned, slipping out of the door and onto the balcony, watching the people, the world pass below his feet. From his balcony you could see the whole city, the cool city air reflecting off the buildings, a perfect mirror of itself. Magnus loved this view, of course he could change it at any time, but that was beside the point.

“Magnus it’s me.”

“I know.” Magnus smiled, “caller ID.”

“Oh yeah.”

“Come on I’m seven hundred years old and even I know about that.” He smirked.

“Okay, okay,” Alec laughed, “I just wanted to reiterate that I had a really nice time yesterday.”

“You see!” Magnus exclaimed, “Classic lines are classic for a reason, necessary even.”

“Okay, okay I concede. Anyway, I wanted to say I had fun.”

“Me too.”

“And I was wondering if you wanted to do it again? This weekend?.”

Magnus smiled, “Of course.”

~

Alec hung up, a smile spreading across his lips. The cold air nipped at his bare feet and at the edges of his damp hair, as if it were teasing him, welcoming him to the day ahead. He looked across the small ‘garden’ space outside their flat, the small buds of flowers beginning to peak up through the soil. The blue-grey clouds rolled across the sky, in constant motion. Spring. A time to start anew. The thought made Alec smile. He heard a knock from above him, and saw Aline and Izzy hanging out of their living room window, their hair falling around their faces, laughing and calling him back up. He smiled as he turned on his heel, his life was waiting.

Chapter Text

“It’ll be okay Iz,” Alec said softly, reaching out to hold her hand. The air was humming, an edge of frost still clung to the trees that hung above them, and all around them people were wandering, hands dug deep in pockets, scarves of all colours wrapped around their necks. The last cold of winter was starting to fade away. Soon there would be green again, the lake would melt and turn bright blue, and winter would be just a dream. Things would start again. Alec dug his hands into his pockets, feeling the familiar burn of the cold air, he jumped up and down a little in his boots, his breath a cloud against the blue sky. Izzy reached up to pull her grey beanie a little further over her ears, but her hands shook for different reasons.

“I know,” she said, but Alec could see her fingers fumbling with the edge of her coat sleeve. Alec took Izzy’s hands in his own and smiled, pulling her into his chest for a hug, her head fitting perfectly under his chin. Snug as a bug in a rug.

Max was meeting them at the park. By Alec’s estimation he was three minutes late. Things had been progressing slowly, in every aspect of Alec’s life. He’d been going for weekly meals at his parents’ house, every Sunday there would be a dinner laid out at the table, steam rising and fogging at the windows. Four people sat around smiling, talking and asking for seconds, a perfect picture book setting. Like looking into an old photo from the fifties, here sits a classic American family. But they weren’t. No family was. There was a film of glass, of ice, of fog, that hung over the table, cling film to preserve what once was and what could again. Their perfect family tree was still missing a branch. Alec had tried to talk to Izzy, but it was a delicate topic. Izzy didn’t do genuine emotions, at least not her own, she was hurting still and she was willing to ignore the source, unwilling to confront it. Simon only shook his head sadly, when he asked him, Izzy was hurting and stubborn and hell and if she didn’t want to move, there would be no moving her. And Alec couldn’t blame her, reconnecting with his family hadn’t been a breeze, far from it, it had been difficult and painful, and at times he’d wanted to give up. But one thing kept him going, the image of Max’s small little face, looking up at him, full of innocence and faith and loyalty. He’d keep his promise, even if it killed him. Just like he kept his promises to Izzy.

Max turned the corner, a red bobble hat bobbing up and down on his head as he walked, and a football in one arm.

“Max!” Alec shouted, stepping forward, his hand still firmly clasped in Izzy’s. Max saw him and grinned, seeming to quicken his step a little. “Hey little brother,” Alec said fondly, letting go of Izzy’s hand in order to ruffle Max’s hair. “How’s it going?”

“Good, good, beat Staten Island 3-0.”

Alec nodded. He imagined this was what it was like when you went to regular house parties, ones that weren’t hosted by people wearing golden scarves, who washed their hair in glitter. People who weren’t Magnus Bane, king of the fashion world. What will he do next? The hushed whisper on the streets, round the circuit. Alec could feel it stressing Magnus, rubbing his temples as Alec pulled his head closer to his chest, running his hands through his hair. Everything will be okay. The small moments they were starting to get back again, little warm moments.

“Glad to hear it,” Alec grinned. And he wasn’t lying, there wasn’t any amount of sports he wouldn’t put up with to see Max’s face light up. And Max talked a lot about sports.

“Who’s this?” he said, stretching to see behind Alec where Izzy still stood, her face growing whiter by the second, her stance shifted, slightly off, her eyes twitching behind her hat. “Oh hi, Izzy.” Max said, stilted. He hadn’t seen her since the dinner where she left, eyes red and dress flouncing. And before that it had been years. He barely recognised her as the sister he lost. But it was there, in the tell-tale dark curls that escaped from under his beanie, from the bones that stretched across his cheeks, the oval shape to his eyes, a limitless tie.

“Hi, is it okay if I join in today?” Izzy said, stretching a half smile.

“Only if you play a good game,” Max grinned, and Alec could see Izzy’s shoulders relax, a more casual smile creeping across her face,

“I try,” she shrugged.

~

Two games later and all three of them were lying in the frosted grass, panting, melting the snow fringed blades with their own exhaustion. Izzy wasn’t lying, she had a certain flare for football that Alec had never seen, her balance impeccable, her kicks powerful, she wasn’t half bad for someone who had little experience. Then again, Izzy always was good at everything. Like everything she touched turned to gold (or goal in this case.) But even Isabelle I-excel-at-everything Lightwood was no match for Max, quick as lightning, skilled footwork, he took on them both and beat them with ease (in a move he was later claim was him not even trying.) He was skilled, but more than that it was the smile that came across his face when he played, as if light was emanating from his skin, as if he were radiating with the pure joy of it. He recognised the look from when he saw Izzy walk the catwalk, or Clary paint, or Jace at his dojo. The idea that everything melts away, it’s just you and the thing you love. Alec was so so glad Max had found it, and he was trying to push away the guilt. One step at a time.

“So how’s Sarah then?” Alec said, grinning up at the crystal clear blue sky, the cold melting into his back. He could feel Max blush.

“Oooh who’s Sarah?” Izzy smirked.

“A girl from school,” Max answered, matter-of-factly.

“A girl Max likes,” Alec grinned,

“She’s okay,” Max paused, staring at the clouds go by, “we walked home the other day.”

“She likes you,” Izzy said, knocking him on the shoulder slightly, making him turn a deeper red.

And they could be back there again. The three of them lined up, there were three in the bed and the little one said, roll over, roll over. Three faces staring at the chipped sealing, bonded and tied. A rattling downstairs as the three of them curled closer together,
what’s that? A small whisper from behind Max’s young curls,
 it’s just the wizard, probably got the spell wrong again.
There’s no such things as Wizards, a giggle,
well how come there’s one in our kitchen? Using all our sage and messing up the cupboards?
 It’s a naughty wizard? Came the big eyes,
no, he’s just trying to do his spells, he doesn’t have his ingredients at home. The shouting got louder, ratting like wind against the window, a branch jutting out, curling.
He’s doing the chant now, round and round in circles, Izzy smiled. Here you do it. They both reached forward, curling themselves around Max like a cave. A refuge from the battering seas.

“Enough,” Max said, but Alec could see a small smile, “What about you, Izzy’s engaged, do you have a girlfriend?”

Time shifted a little and he was back at school, a rubber band twisted in his fingers, his back against the shelter, his friend by his side. The long grass curled at his ankles, and he looked up at the grey sky. School was never going to end, he would always be this small, powerless. He would always drift like a seed on the breeze, never quite finding his place, forever floating, tiny in a big, big world. How come you didn’t want to do it, you know with Nicole? At the party. His friend had blond curls that bounced in the sunlight, and an itch to escape it all. Escape was in high demand. I didn’t feel like it, you know. Alec said, running his hands through his hair, his heart beating to the beat of what if. What if. What if. What if. Whatif. Whatif. You never do. His friend stared at him pointedly but not unkindly, half of his face casted by sunlight. In that light he didn’t seem real, like a floating entity, a blade of grass, a soft cloud, part of the landscape. Alec turned his head to the sky and said it, a feeling which had only ever existed within the rattle of his bones, which had scratched his inner surface, which had torn at his throat. A feeling which until right now hadn’t even been real, not manifested, just floating, but which suddenly felt crystal clear. Of course. The penny dropped. Of course I hadn’t been lying to myself.

Isaac, I think I might be gay.

I thought as much, his friend said softly, still picking at the grass, shredding it through the breaks in his fingers. Alec looked up at him, eyes big and mooned and full with all the shock in the world. Isaac looked back at him, locking his eyes, I still love you, he said, as he pulled him in for a hug. As cheesy as that is it’s true.

The day was colder but the scratch was the same. It never seemed to dull for Alec, this moment, these words, at the tip of his tongue. He took a breath, smiled, and took a leap of faith, the arms of the very same sky holding him, reassuring.

“A boyfriend actually,” Alec smiled, “his name’s Magnus, he does fashion design.”

“Ah cool,” he paused, “I haven’t heard of him.” Max said before launching into a story about his maths’ teacher’s smack down of Regis, a boy Max couldn’t stand. The universe had shifted ever so slightly as it does all the time, forever learning, forever growing; expanding. The air was still cold, his sister was still smiling and Max was still chattering on. And things were okay.

~

“Fancy seeing you here,” Magnus grinned, staring at the three of them lay down in the frost, “trying to catch pneumonia are you?”

“Magnus!” Alec said, trying to ignore the jarring feeling of two worlds colliding, Magnus didn’t need to be a secret, separate world. He could be here, stood chatting to his family in broad daylight in the middle of central park. Magnus extended a hand down to help Alec up, before Izzy stood up dragging Max with her. “What are you doing here?” Alec said, feeling warmer already.

“Walks clear the head, trying to come with the latest big design is taxing, to say the least,” he murmured and Izzy looked at him sympathetically,

“Still no luck?” she said, reaching out to rub his arm.

“Sadly,” he said, spying Max besides Izzy, “you must be Max.” Magnus said, his voice quieter than his usual brazen tone.

“Max, this is Magnus, my boyfriend.” Alec said, smiling at the both of them, and Alec swore he saw Magnus’ mouth twitch into a small smile at the mention of the word; boyfriend.

“Good to meet you,” Magnus said, extending a hand cloaked by a black silk glove, Max looked curiously at the outstretched hand, not unlike a puppy cocking its head, deciding to try and high-five it, his bright red mittens clashing oddly with Magnus’ hands.

Izzy laughed, “I’m not sure twelve year old boys do handshakes Mag,”

“Course,” Magnus chuckled, “it’s been a long time since I was young,”

“I’ll say,” Alec grinned, subconsciously edging closer to him, as if drawn to his warmth.

Magnus spied the football, lying forgotten at Max’s feet, “Like football?” Magnus asked.

“Love it,” Max said, still unsure, but at the mention of football a small smile creeped over his face and Magnus knew he’d won.

“You know I have some spare tickets for the Yankees, next Friday. If you wanna come?”

Max’s eyes lit up, “I’d have to check with my parents, but for sure,” he said, and Alec swore he was vibrating a little where he stood.

“Then that’s settled,” Magnus smiled, rubbing his hands together like some kind of genie, “we’ll all go,” he smiled at Alec and Alec looked back up at him, his cheeks flushed from the cold, but he could only feel warmth. Izzy sensed a private moment,

“Hey Max why don’t we go play?” she smirked, dragging him with her over to the goal posts.

“You didn’t have to do that you know,” Alec said, his face softening, lit up by a smile.

“I know,” Magnus smiled, circling Alec with his arms, bringing him back closer to his chest, “I wanted to.”

Alec looked at him, enclosed in his arms, the frost dancing across the trees, the grass starting to peak through the layers of snow, bringing back colour to the world, and he rested his forehead down upon Magnus’. Magnus was so larger than life, so brazen, that sometimes he forgot he was the taller one, even if only slightly. He liked little moments like this, close and warm and happy, that reminded him. He leant down to kiss him as snow began to fall again, small stars in the sky, falling from above to cover the earth in heavenly white, pushing back colour for another day. Alec wanted to travel back in time in that moment, back to that boy, back against the shelter, trapped, forever young, and tell him about exactly that moment. That one day he’d be kissing his boyfriend, who he was in love with as the snow fell in the middle of central park, not a care in the world. That he’d have a whole bunch of friends who loved him and supported him, with whom he could laugh and share and live. That he had a family that wasn’t perfect but who were trying, that he could hug his sister and his brother and feel connected. That he had a job that he loved, that brought him closer to everyone he loved. That his life wasn’t perfect, but it was happening, and he was happy. He moved to kiss Magnus deeper, filled with so much warmth and heart for the world he felt he might explode. He made a mental note to call Isaac, to thank him, to ask after him, both of them a thousand miles from that one moment of connection. He smiled into the kiss, trying to ignore the giggles of both Izzy and Max behind him. Happy.

Chapter Text

An old, battered, blue car pulled up outside the house.

“Clary’s here!” Aline called from the living room, where she was curling her hair while trying to watch Celebrity MasterChef. “Damn Surgio.” She muttered under her breath, Helen lifting her head from where she was sat on the sofa, planning lessons, offering a small smile and a shake of the head. “He’s throwing away his chances!” Aline said in defence.

“I’m sure he is sweetie.” Helen said, turning back to her page, a pen tapping against her notebook.

“Thanks!” Alec shouted, from his room, running once last hand through his hair, before slinging his bag onto his shoulder and running down the stairs, “See you!” he waved to Aline, before closing the heavy door behind him. He smiled at Clary, jumping into the backseat (Jace was in the front.) “Thanks for the lift.” He said, slightly out of breath (half nerves, half stairs.)

“No problem,” she said, turning to leave the street, “I’m surprise Magnus couldn’t take you though.”

“He has to get there ages earlier, to set up and everything.” Alec explained, staring out the window at the houses going past, the blur of rain against the window.

“He finally got his big idea then?” Jace said, turning slightly in the passenger’s seat to look at Alec.

“Yeah,” Alec laughed, “he got some of kind of strike of inspiration in the middle of the night, he was scrawling away at his design table all night.”

Jace raised his eyebrows, “You stopped over?”

Alec blushed, “Don’t pretend you didn’t already know,” He grinned, despite of himself, “I know Aline can’t keep a secret.”

“Fine,” Jace said, “But still, it’s going well then?”

“You could say that,” Alec said, smiling. In fact, it was going very well, the pair of them falling into a familiar groove, Alec felt like he was floating lighter than air most of the time. And for the first time in a long while, his happiness wasn’t skating on ice, jerking and trying to stay upright, instead it was steady, like a small rowboat floating across the sea, the sky big and bright above him. He smiled.

“Aww look Clary, our little Alec’s in love,” Jace smirked,

“Leave him alone Jace, it’s nice to see him happy.” Clary smiled at him in the rear view mirror.

Alec was bright red at this point, “Thanks guys,” he mumbled.

“Ooh tells us about his place then, I bet it’s fancy as fuck.” Jace said, and Clary raised her eyebrows and pretended she wasn’t interested, her ears secretly perking up. (Alec swore he saw her tuck her hair behind her ear, to allow for better listening privileges)

“That it is,” Alec laughed, before proceeding to launch into all the details. (And details there were)

~

“Hi, glad you could make it, nice to meet you.” Magnus said, extending a hand.

Alec raised his eyebrows, “Mag, no.”

“No?”

“No.”

“Fine just thought I’d try it, people already accusing me of favouritism.” His eyes crinkled, his smile illuminating his whole face, “I can’t help it if my boyfriend is the most beautiful person in the whole world.” Alec grinned, ducking as Clary did the final touches to his makeup.

“God and you guys say we’re cheesy,” Jace shook his head, looking up from his law revision.

Alec had asked him once why he always came along with Clary, when he clearly had so much work to do. I want to support her, besides I work better with her close. Alec grinned, knocking him on the shoulder, You big sap.

“You’re done sweetie,” Clary said, placing her makeup brush down.

“Thanks,” Alec smiled, “this isn’t half a throwback,” he said, entwining his hands with Magnus, “I was so nervous that day you know.”

“I know,” Magnus said, placing a small kiss against his temple,

“He couldn’t keep still in the chair, you’re lucky you didn’t get a model with patchy makeup,” Clary laughed,

“Well then everything would have turned out different,” Magnus jokes, the gold glitter across his eyelids only highlighting the light in his eyes.

“Are you trying to say you wouldn’t like me if I had patchy makeup?” Alec scolded,

“I have standards, Alexander.” Magnus said, leaning down to kiss him on the lips.

“Hmm, well I’ll let you off, just this once.”

Clary rolled her eyes, “Restrain yourselves, if you can, I’m not redoing his lip liner.”

Magnus saluted Clary, “Absolutely.” Alec smiled, “Anyway,” Magnus said, “I came to give you these, before you distracted me,” he presented Alec with the first outfit. Alec rolled his eyes, thumbing the material.

~

Alec stood in front of a long, gold mirror, a charcoal turtle neck jumper clung to his shoulders, soft as silk, with gold thread stitched into the seams, and a pair of black jeans, which felt like clouds against his legs, braces drooped from his hips. He resisted the urge to run a hand through his (carefully styled) hair.

“You look amazing,” Clary said, grinning, “Magnus is going to love it.”

“Yeah I hope you get his number.” Jace quipped form the corner, not even bothering to look up from his copious notetaking. Alec rolled his eyes, messing up Jace’s hair.

“Who wants my number?” Magnus said, turning the corner.

“Jace.” Clary and Alec quipped simultaneously, turning to grin at each other. 

“It would be my pleasure,” he laughed, and the room felt so much brighter than last time.

Alec felt like a completely different person to when he had last stood in this room, pulling at his sleeves, biting at his lips, aware of Magnus’ presence just behind the door, like a shadow creeping under the cracks, the sun rising through the top windows. He remembered shaking a little, feeling a blush pass over his cheeks as Magnus looked him up and down, his gaze both exciting and terrifying him, he remember his knees felt weak. He looked around the room, smiling, watching Magnus and Jace banter, watching Clary’s eyes crinkle at the corners as she packed away her things. The room was lighter now, he was older now. He moved to rest against Magnus, snaking an arm around his waist.

Magnus looked up, “You look great, Alexander, as always.”

“Thanks,” Alec said, smiling at him.

~
“Okay, go,” came a voice, from behind the camera. The studio lights were bright and glaring, Lady gaga playing over the radio, and from the corner of his eye, Alec could see Clary and Jace, sat upon a side table, hands entwined, legs swinging and Alec grinned. Yes, yes exactly like that. Alec smiled, tilting his head. These days he moved less awkwardly, when he had first started he was all legs and nervous movement, robotic, not half the natural Izzy was, tripping over himself like a spider in skates. But now this was a second home, in front of the camera, the lights weren’t harsh, but comforting. He knew he was good at what he did, and nobody could take that away from him.

“Okay everyone take five,” Magnus shouted, “Great work.”

Alec walked over to the table, “Finished with the law work are we?” he said, interrupting some serious heart-eyes.

“Gave up more like.” Jace said, “Law’s hard man.”

Magnus came over, resting against Alec. “So trade it in for modelling then.”

Jace scoffed, “You’re kidding, I’m surrounded by enough divas as it is.”

Magnus laughed, “You’ve seriously never thought about it? You’d be good.” He looked at him sincerely.

“Are you flirting with my boyfriend Magnus?” Clary joked,

“Only professionally,” he winked, “we could do with another guy in the shoot, for the next outfit.” Magnus said, raising his eyebrows, “pays well.”

Jace shook his head, “You planned this!”

“No!” Magnus said at the same time that Alec said, maybe. Magnus laughed,

“Okay maybe.”

“Clary?” Jace said, raising his eyebrows.

“Okay, okay we were all in on it.”

Jace shook his head, “You traitor,” he said moving to tickle her ribs.

“What I think you’re hot,” she said, “everyone else should get to see you too.”

“Exactly.” Magnus grinned, holding out his hand to help Jace off the table.

Jace jumped from the table, “Fine,” he sighed, pausing, “wait did you just call me hot?”

~

Jace laughed, unable to keep his stature, staring at Alec’s ‘serious model face’, the pair of them cracking up against the grey speckled background. Jace was in a pastel pink woollen jumper, which was ruffled with two ragged lines across the chest and which hung perfectly from his collar bone (if Magnus did say so himself), paired with blue suede trousers, tucked perfectly into black boots, his long blonde hair (which Jace said he just hadn’t got around to cutting, but Alec knew he secretly loved) falling perfect across his face (which was entirely Clary’s work.)

Jace didn’t exactly know what he was doing, but him and Alec had the best time, and Jace half forgot the cameras were there (the lights really were bright though), just laughing and joking with Alec. And when the pictures came out three months later, people raved over their naturalism, and speculated about newcomer Jace Wayland (He was planning to change his name to Fray when he married Clary anyway – not that she knew it) and where he’d go next. Jokes on them – this was a one-time thing, (or Jace said till four months later he was back in front of the camera, this time with Clary in tow.) Jace played down his role in the modelling, but when Alec visited two weeks later, the picture had been framed and put on the wall, it’s a nice picture that’s all, of course buddy. Clary just smiled, looking at her boys so happy made her heart swell a little, they were running out of room in their apartment, photos spreading across their walls, like a mental snapshot of all their best moments. One day she hoped to have her wedding photos up there, photos of her at her opening art exhibit, photos of her children (and future dogs), photos of her and Jace in a rocking chair watching the sun set another day. She wanted to spell out her life in photos.

Chapter Text

Alec, Izzy and Simon sat on the wall, the frost seeping into their legs. Izzy started to shiver and Simon pulled her closer to him, kissing the top of her head and rubbing his hands along her arm.

“Where is Magnus anyway?” Izzy said, her teeth chattering.

“He’s on his way,” Alec said, “He said that –“ His jaw dropped, watching a long black limo turn the corner of their street, it’s blacked-out windows almost glowing in the frost bitten air. “Is that? No it can’t be? Can it?”

Izzy laughed, “Of course its Magnus only he would be that extra.”

 Simon laughed, jumping down from the wall, “I kind of love him.”

“Hey!” Izzy exclaimed, whacking him on the arm with her handbag.

“I love you most, obviously,” he said, cheeks glowing.

“You’re forgiven.” She said, leaning in to kiss him, her gloved hand cupping his chin, as Simon grinned uncontrollably.

Alec still stood shocked, watching the limo creep closer, desperately trying to ignore the make-out fest out the corner of his eye. He swore he could see several of their neighbours staring through their (cracked) windows, their eyes following the long black vehicle as if it were a giant spider, imposing over the (well kept) gardens. He waved awkwardly, making them scuttle back over cracked floorboards, like dust mites, back into their rooms.

Magnus climbed out of the corner, a long black coat flying out behind him like a cape. “Greetings all.” He grinned, half saluting and taking in Alec’s shocked face (and loving it.)

Izzy rolled her eyes, pulling Magnus down for a hug, “You’re so dramatic Mag,” she grinned, “I love it.”

Magnus threw his arm around Alec, “What do you think love?” he grinned, placing a small kiss on a still-bewildered Alec’s cheek.

Alec smirked, “It’s definitely something,”

“I can’t wait to see Max’s face.” Izzy squealed.

~

Sure enough, when the long, black limo rounded the corner, Max’s eyes flew wide out of his head. He was leaning against the road sign at the end of his street, his left leg leaning against the red brick wall, his football boots scuffed and his full kit making up for the absence of a football underneath his arm.

“You’re kidding me.” Max said, as Alec opened the door.

“Your carriage awaits,” he grinned, pausing just a second to see a small face peering from the window three houses down, a familiar face sunken with age, black hair faded to grey. The uncanny. A hidden shadow where there should be familiarity, where there should be warmth and kisses by the fire, now there was only a hollow shell, their relationship a shrivelled form on the ground, desperately trying to stand, one last time. A small glint far away that should be close, should be closer than close.

Alec’s chest felt heavy and Magnus’ eyes filled with concern as he looked at him, reaching out to place his hand on his shoulder. The smile fell from his lips, and he shook his head, shutting the door behind Max.

~

The juxtaposition of Max in his full, blue football strip and the fancy leather seats, jazz music spilling overhead (Izzy was wearing a faux fur coat for god’s sake) was laughable. But none of it was as rewarding as the grin spilling across Max’s face.

“I knew you all were fancy,” he scolded, the bruises across his knees (and the mud? Alec swore he and his brother couldn’t be more different) shining under the light.

“Not us, just Magnus.” Alec said.

Max grinned again, rummaging deep in his pocked, “Thanks again,” he said, pulling several scrunched notes from his pocket, “here you go, for the ticket.”

Magnus stared at it incredulously, shaking his head. Alec was willing to bet that was all the money Max had in the world, stuffed under his mattress, or in his sock draw, saved for a rainy day. And Alec remembered the rainy days, days when all the outside world was a blur of grey, and fog, days where they huddled under the duvet, Max tiny clutched between him and Izzy, the tiny TV crackling in the corner, the curtains drawn to block out the rain drops. The fuzzy TV promised somewhere warmer and safer. Friends. It was their ritual.

“I can’t take this, Max.” Magnus said softly, “This is my treat.” We’re family. An unspoken, ghost echo, Alec pulled Magnus closer to him, entwining his hand in his. Max glowed,

“Thank you.” He fidgeted with his shorts, placing the money back into his pocket. Looking up to see four eager faces staring at him over some rather irritating Jazz music. It was rather like a scene out of Annie, the one sent to bring happiness back into this house.

“This music’s boring.” Max grinned, and Alec laughed,

“I know just the solution.” He smiled.

Then it came on overhead, the anthem to the rainy days.

I’ll be there for you (when the rain starts to pour) I’ll be there for you (like I’ve been there before) I’ll be there for you (Cause you’re there for you too.)

And maybe it was cliché, and cheesy and tired, but everyone’s face in that car lit up. And Max turned to him, those same big round eyes as when he was young (and Alec swore he saw a tear in Izzy’s eye).

I’ll be there for you. And you’ll be there for me. Till the end of my days.

Alec subconsciously thumbed the thread bracelet that hung from his wrist, and smiled. 

~

When they got to the football ground it was bitterly cold and Alec could see Max’s knees knocking together, biting his bottom lip as if it would distract him from the freezing air.

“Do you want a blanket?” Alec whispered in his ear as they sat down, and Max looked as if he were considered saying, nobody has blankets at football games, but instead he just nodded slowly and Alec pulled an old blue blanket out of his bag. Bag of wonders. At least he was doing something right.

Max turned to talk to Simon about something or other. Alec was fairly sure that, oddly, Simon had the most experience with football, he had been the photographer for all the sports teams or something like that. All the sports teams. He heard words like centre right, and the offside rule, come out of his mouth so it seemed like he knew something (or else he’d spent all night researching it – which Alec wouldn’t put past Simon.)

Magnus nudged him, motioning to a balding man, sat three rows in front, who kept turning around to look at them systematically. He wore a long, black trench coat, a grey scarf wrapped around his neck. He seemed to be wearing no football memorabilia, and wasn’t accompanied by anyone.

“Paparazzi?” Alec murmured, edging closer towards Magnus.

“Yes.” Magnus grimaced.

“What should we do?”

“You’re not going to like this.”

“What?” Alec said quietly, half rolling his eyes, nestling subconsciously closer to put his head on Magnus’ shoulder (for listening purposes)

“I want to use magic,”

Alec took in a small intake of breath, feeling the cold air hitting the back of his throat. He shut his eyes, taking a deep breath and Magnus stared at him, his eyes uncertain, unguarded.

“Go on don’t worry,” Alec said, trying to regulate breathing again as he stared ahead once more, his head safely nuzzled in Magnus’ shoulder.

“I want to use magic to place a charm over us, so no one can see us, a glamour.”

“Okay, that’s not too bad,” Alec murmured, approving, “I thought you were gonna hex him or something.”

“I’m not evil.” Magnus said pointedly and Alec sat up grinning,

“That we know of,” he smirked, placing a kiss on his cheek.

Magnus shoved him playfully, “Shut up,” he rolled his eyes, and Alec swear his cheeks grew a little pinker (which Magnus would later claim was just the cold.)

“What do you need me to do?”

~

Max sat on the edge of his seat for most of it, his eyes wide and scarf clutched desperately in his hand, his knuckles gleaming white. Alec couldn’t care less about the people on the pitch; where they ran, the position of the ball, or how close they came to the goal, but he’d pay any amount of money to see Max so happy (and he may have ruffled his hair more times than was strictly necessary.) He swore even Izzy was grinning.

When it was over, Max spoke so fast his breath spilled like dragon’s fire into the air, his small frame jumping and punching until Magnus threw him over his shoulder and started to run, spinning circles in the car park as Alec looked on fondly, his arm linked with Izzy’s. Family. The word had so many definitions to him now.

~

When they finally reached the end of the car park the limo was gone, and an old four-by-four stood in its place. A football dice hung in the front mirror, and a familiar face sat behind the wheel.

Alec’s mum, her forehead crinkled, and her hands tapping nervously against the leather steering wheel.

Magnus squeezed his hand tighter than usual as Maryse stepped out. She seemed to be out of her old cardigans and jogging bottoms. She wore jeans and a t-shirt flung on top, her hand up in her trade-mark bun. A fake image, a mirage, of together-ness. Alec could tell from the way she wrung her hands, playing with a bracelet on her (remarkably thin) wrist that she was nervous, and he moved to place a hand on her shoulder, his other hand still entwined with Magnus’, as he saw Izzy inch a little closer to Simon, his arms wrapping around her as she turned towards his chest.

“Hi mum,” Alec said slowly, “what brings you here?” He moved back towards Magnus as Max stood awkwardly between them.

“I’m here to pick Max up,”

“We could have brought him back.”

“I wanted to, you know,”

The air hung dead silent, all the joy from two minutes ago departed to leave only the night sky above, staring down at them like a flashlight, eight souls awkwardly hung around a car. Never had the silence of night time seemed so loud.

“I just, missed you,” she said, reaching to for Max, ruffling his hair, as he leant back against her chest, a slightly guilty look across his face, as Alec gave him an acknowledging smile.

“And-“ she looked down at the ground, “Me and –“ she paused again, “Me and your father wanted to invite you for dinner, tonight,” she looked at Alec, and beyond him to where Izzy was still trying to avoid her eye contact.

“Sounds good,” Alec said, offering her an encouraging grin, looking beyond her to the car. His face looked puzzled, “there’s only four seats though.” He frowned.

“I well-“ her face started to tighten “I didn’t count on there being well – another male presence here.”

Alec shook his head, stumbling back a little, as if wounded. Magnus gripped his hand again. His mother couldn’t even look him in the eye, couldn’t look at Magnus. It was like he was eleven years old again, that’s not my son, that could never be my son. Long nights where the branches tapped against the windows as if mocking him, you don’t belong here, the moon big and wide and white, telling Alec he was different, he’d never be happy, he’d never be accepted, the whispers of the clouds and the darkness. Subconsciously, Alec’s eyes began to well up and Izzy reached out to place a hand on his arm. I’ll be there for you. And you’ll be there for me. Till the end of my days.

There’s nothing you can’t do, I’m here by your side.

A chain. A fence. Alec held Magnus’ hand, held Izzy’s hand, her other hand entwined with Simon’s. The four of them standing on the cliff, watching the apocalyptic sun set. I’ll be there for you.

His mum clocked his face, “Hey, Al, I didn’t mean it like that, you know,” she clutched to Max a little tighter, “I’m sorry.”

Al.

Alec took a deep breath, she was learning, they all were. It wasn’t fair to expect everything to have changed. He shut his eyes,

“It’s okay Mum,” he said softly, as Izzy cut him a glare which screamed that it was decidedly not fine. “This is Magnus, my boyfriend.” He said, stepping aside as if to reveal him, and Alec felt Magnus’ heart beat twice as fast through his wrist.

“Nice to meet you, Mrs Lightwood.” Magnus said, in a voice softer than Alec had ever heard. He made no attempt to shake her hand, feeling the thickness of the air between them, instead he only nodded slightly, as if he were tipping a non-existent hat. He turned to Alec again, “And don’t worry about the car,” he placed his hands on both Alec’s arms, “I think you should go, I have work to do anyway.”

Alec took a deep breath, knowing full well that Magnus had no plans to do anything that night other than watch re-runs of America’s Next Top Model in his pyjamas. Probably with Raphael. This was a mercy moment, an I’m-letting-you-off-the-hook, I’m-doing-this-for-you, kind of moment. And Alec was grateful. He smiled back up at Magnus,

“You’re sure?”

“Sure,” Magnus said, leaning down to softly place a kiss on Alec’s lips as his mother’s eyes bore into the floor, Max grinning widely. At least Magnus had won over one of Alec’s family members. That was enough for today. He walked backwards across the carpark, his hands in his pockets and a soft grin across his face. Alec wasn’t sure he’d ever loved him more.

“Come on let’s get into the car.” Maryse said quietly and Alec took Izzy’s hand squeezing it, noticing the look of defiance fall, to be replaced with the jitters.

“What are jitters anyway?”
“They’re like little bugs, and when you’re nervous they come and run all over your body.” Alec smirked, moving to tickle Max under the covers.
“Ew” Max said, bursting into a laugh as he squirmed, his legs becoming tangled in the duvet like a maze.
“No not ew, all you have to do is shake them off,” Izzy said, “like this,” she stood up, throwing her limbs about in a way that made Max laugh so hard he fell off the bed, knocking Izzy over and landing on top of her, their laughs echoing all the way to space and back.

Alec gripped onto Izzy’s hand as they sat in the car. Just got to shake those jitters away. 

Chapter Text

Alec let go of Izzy’s hand as the door opened.

Inside the hallway the paint that was once blue was starting to peel, the coffee table chipped and piled high with years’ worth of letters and magazine subscriptions, a faint layer of dust covered the titles, ‘my dream wedding!’ and ‘bad blood; drama strikes again!’ ; a familiar looking broken angel ornament discarded on its side. But most of all, looming among the mess was their father. He was wearing his good Sunday shirt, complete with tie (blue with yellow diamonds, for those tie enthusiasts or a flare for detail), and the special mousse in his (balding) hair. If anyone else were to look at him, they would see a man, maybe passed his prime (if there were such a thing), who works for a big company, who smokes at the conservative club on Sunday and comes home to their dinner on the table. Anybody else would just see his usual steely composure, his façade, but Alec could see through it now. Could see he was nervous, his face a little whiter than usual, his hand gripping onto the door a little too hard. Jitters inside a human frame.

“Alec, Izzy,” he said, nodding, opening the door to them and trying not to linger on any of their faces too long.

“And me!” Max piped up,

“And you of course,” their father said, reaching forward to ruffle his hair. And Alec could see all the childhood bonding he didn’t get in that one image. Could see his father’s steely disposition, his hand hovering over his shoulder as if he didn’t even want to touch him, to claim him as his own. He could see parent’s evenings where his father inched his chair a little further away, as if he didn’t want to be associated with him, that’s not my son. Could see a young child, his skin pale and hands shaking as he stood in goal for hours on the end, flinching as the ball got closer and closer. He wanted to reach out to that child, to place a hand on his shoulder, to steady the shaking; reach a hand out to his younger self. He gulped and smiled, the past was the past, and that’s where it deserved to live. He was happy for Max.

He was happy for Max?

Or at least.

He could live with it.

~

The six of them sat around the table, Izzy between Alec and Simon, trying her best not to inch closer and closer to Simon, as if she were still perpetually afraid of what her father might do, as if she too were haunted by her smaller shadow. There was a sort of silence, Max had spent the first ten minutes chattering with their dad about the football, going through every kick and goal, Robert’s face lighting up the whole time, listening intently.

The son I always wanted. Shake it off. Quick nod of the head. Shut of the eyes. Back to earth.

Then it fell silent, all of Max’s words dried up, the connector was over, now it was time to try and build another bridge. The old one was so burnt it was no longer visible. The scraping of cutlery on plates was all Alec could hear.

“So, Simon right?” Maryse said softly, not looking up from her plate.

“Yes, Mrs Lightwood.” He said, adjusting his glasses, as if at a very important interview.

“You can call me Maryse, if you like,” she said, and Simon smiled awkwardly, feeling Izzy take his hand under the table, “What do you do then, Simon, are you a model like these two?” she looked fondly over both Alec and Izzy, and Alec swore he even saw Izzy smile a little. Simon laughed,

“God no,” he shook his head, “no.” he confirmed with a grin. Izzy swatted him on the arm lovingly, not catching the half-smile across Maryse’s face.

“I’m a camera man,” Simon said, trying his best to maintain eye contact, “well an aspiring director really, but mostly at the moment I do photography and the occasional assistant camera work.” He nodded.

“He’s being modest,” Izzy said, as if forgetting where she was for a moment, holding onto Simon’s arm, “you should see some of his photography it’s really great.” She said, looking back down as soon as Robert made eye contact with her.

“We actually have,” Robert said, the usual confidence dropped from his voice, his voice still gruff and stony and cold. The voice from his childhood, the one that wound its way up the stairs, that weaved into the duvet, that infected their perfect utopia. A childhood kingdom, destined to fall apart.

“You have?” Alec said,

“Mum keeps a scrapbook, upstairs of all of your shoots and things upstairs,” Max said, as Maryse shot a glance at him, “What you do.” he defended himself, shrugging before returning to eating his carrots. Alec looked back at Maryse who was trying to avoid eye contact, a slight blush across her face.

“Can I see it?” Alec said, smiling at his mum.

~

“Here you go,” she said, handing a book to each of them. They were both squished into a sofa which had seen better days, the pair of them sinking into the stained and torn fabric, Max firmly pressed between them. The room really hadn’t changed that much since they’d lived there, Alec tried not to think about why not. Tried not to think of a house that had been broken, frozen in time, always on a loop at that one moment, like an alt-universe where it’s forever winter. Narnia. The moment that had made him, that had broken him. Make or break. Or both. Sometimes both.  

Alec’s father sat in his old armchair, he seemed smaller somehow. He always used to look so imposing in that chair. Alec could still remember it, his body big and broad and his frown stern as he stared at the TV, always a glare that could pin him in his place. Now he just looked small, lost, a man sat in a chair that towered over his head. It’s weird what time and perspective could do to you.

Alec turned the first page, and there he was, sixteen year old him, his face young and unassuming, a hint of half a smirk across his face (his go-to modelling face when he didn’t really know what he was doing), his hands dug deep into his pockets, his hair curling.

Perfume Parlour; for men.

His very first advert, his hands shaking, a smile of encouragement from Izzy, a fear spiralling deep in his chest as the shoot stretched on, what if his dad found out? What would he say to him then? He thought of him towering above, himself growing smaller and smaller in the shadows. Always under the thumb. Little did he know, seven months after that shoot he’d be sat on the floor of an empty apartment, Izzy by his side, a hand in a hand, backs against the peeling wallpaper, I’ll be there for you. And you’ll be there for me. Till the end of my days. Just two souls against the rising tide. It turns out there were whole seas out there Alec had never even seen.

He wondered whether his mother had known at the time, two months later when the shoot came out, whether she had carefully cut out the advert then, placing it into a memory box, or into a scrapbook, months before his father found it, finally exploding. They’d been creeping around him for years, covers tucked up to their ears. Tap. Tap. Tap. One thing at a time each time bracing their selves for the roar, the long told echo of what could come. Sssh! Don’t wake dad! But Alec couldn’t creep around forever, never really seeing anything, never really knowing anything. One day something had to happen.

Then again, she could have found it since, sadly sticking it in her scrapbook like a eulogy to a lost child.

Alec turned the page, seeing more and more of his work. Stood against walls, drinking milkshakes, jumping on a trampoline. Adverts and adverts turned to professional shoots, some complete with small interviews, his voice a past one, not quite his own. His fingers shook as he turned the page, like watching everything that had been bottled inside him all these years, everything kept inside because it wasn’t what was proper, spelled out onto a page; onto a page his mother had collected no less. And now here he was, a version of himself he’d never even thought possible, here among the ruins of his childhood. A phoenix from the ashes. An ash-covered phoenix. A pile of ash. It was all a little much.

Max laughed and pointed to several. That pout!! What’s that guy up to? Did you really wear that? Seriously?

It was keeping him sane, there was nothing like the perspective of a thirteen year old boy to bring you back down to earth.

Alec glanced over to see Izzy in a similar state, her knuckles turned white against the pastel!blue pages, her face drained. He could see her hand shake as Simon took it, leaning against the arm of the sofa. He peered over to see some of her earlier shoots, Izzy a child at fifteen, playing volleyball on a beach, and laughing at the malls with all the fake friends.

‘Isn’t it funny?’ They lay down, staring at their peeling ceiling (they still had a decided lack of furniture)

‘What?’

‘I bet some girl’s looking at those pictures of me, laughing at the mall, picture perfect and saying I wish that was me.’ She choked up a little. ‘And little do they know here I am, stomach rumbling, lying on the cold floor, not a single person in all the world to love me.’ She turned to Alec, letting him cradle her in his arms, sobbing against his chest.

‘You’ve got me.’ He said, hugging her as close as he could before pulling away, running his hands along her cheeks to wipe the tears away.

‘I’ve got you.’ She smiled, ‘Till the end of my days.’ leaning back in for a hug again.

Alec put his hand on Izzy’s shoulder and she smiled out at him again, those same eyes big and bright as they were on paper, as joyful and full of hope that had been scattered but could be reformed again. A snowman made from the scattered snowfall.Together they grinned, looking down at their scrapbooks.

Together. That’s what they were, and that’s what they’d always be.

~

“I can’t you believe you kept all of that,” Alec smiled, as he hovered near the door, bringing in his mum for a hug.

“I’m proud you know.” She said, looking Alec fully in the eyes for the first time since they’d been reconnected, she placed both her hands on his shoulder, and she felt present, really present. A solid pillar, something to lean on once again. Max had gone upstairs, quickly hugging both of them before running to play FIFA before bed (an activity that Robert had joined in with – and which Alec was trying not to think about.) “Both of you.” She said, moving to place a hand on Izzy’s shoulder. She smiled,

Izzy looked down at the floor. “You should come,” she blurted.

“Come to what sweetie?”

“The wedding.” Izzy said, her cheeks rushed pink. Her mother smiled softly, “It’s in April, the 15^th actually,” she was starting to speak quicker, her words becoming melded together, “you should bring Max, well of course you don’t have to –“ she looked at the floor, “and well d-dad, dad should come too.”

Maryse smiled, echoing light onto the peeling walls, “Of course we’ll be there,” she said, uncharacteristically grabbing Izzy and pulling her in for a hug, “wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

Alec saw Simon hide his grin behind his hand.

~

Chapter Text

“It went well then?” Aline said, ambushing him as soon as he came through the door. The door to the kitchen was suspiciously shut (it was never shut unless Aline had messed up while cooking – which usually meant re-painting over the burnt walls.)

“It went fine…” Alec said, eyeing the door as Aline hurriedly tried to herd him onto the sofa.

“Good!” Her eyes were wide, “Good! That’s great.”

“Yeah, yeah it is…” Alec said, shrugging his coat of his shoulders before making a move to go hang it up.

“Let me get that!” Aline hurriedly said, placing her body between Alec and the kitchen door.

“Okay Al-“ Alec said, placing his hands on her shoulders, “what did you do now?”

~

“Kittens?” Alec said, his eyebrows raised as Helen carried them both through into the living room.

“Well we just went to look…” Helen said, Aline pressing against her side, holding her hand.

“You never just look at kittens Hel- you know that.”

“Well that’s what happened.” Aline said, letting go of Helen’s hand to pick one of the kittens up, a tiny little black one, bleating quietly. “This one’s Pixie,” she said, handing a somewhat unawares Alec the wriggling little animal, “and that one,” she pointed to the one trying to crawl up Helen’s arm, “is her brother Caspar.”

“Aline,” Alec raised his eyebrow, “don’t you think you should have told me?”

“Maybe,” she said, “but just look at her!”

Alec looked down at the tiny little kitten in his hand, rubbing her cheek softly against the palm of his hand, barely bigger than his hand itself. Aline was right, there was no way to be mad when he held a small piece of perfection.

“Fine,” he rolled his eyes, “damn lesbians.”

Aline swatted his arm laughing, “Thanks dad.”

~

Alec stared into the light of the fridge. Outside the wind was howling, rustling through the trees, shaking and swatting, as if restlessly pacing. There was a buzz in the air that night, as if nothing outside could quite rest. The moon was a sliver, a muted sort of silver, just barely visible through the window pane. Alec’s eyes scanned over the products in the fridge. Two apples. One head of lettuce. Half eaten Thai curry, half a yogurt (Aline got bored easily.) He sighed, settling on just a glass of orange juice. He jumped onto the counter, back against the window pane, legs crossed, left leg over the sink. As if like magic, Aline appeared in the doorway.

“Need some company buddy?”

Alec smiled, “how do you always know?”

“Intuition.” Alec raised his eyebrows, “Also you’re super loud.”

“Sorry” Alec said, shifting over to allow just enough room in the corner for Aline to sit, (they were experienced in this.)

Aline pressed her back against the kitchen tile, letting her legs dangle over the wooden cupboards (that were starting to chip.)

“So how did it go then, back in the old country?” she smiled, digging her elbow into Alec’s rib, “I know we didn’t really get time to talk before,” Alec raised her eyebrows, and Aline grinned, “my bad, I know, I got distracted.”

“It’s fine.” Alec smiled, feeling Aline rest her head on his shoulder. “It went okay, I got to see Max and mum and I really connected, Izzy even invited her to the wedding! So that should be fun.” Alec said, his voice tightening a little in a way that suggested that he didn’t really believe what he was saying.

“Oh.” Aline said, squeezing his hand.

“And what about your dad?” Aline could feel Alec tense,

“Same.” He said, pausing, “He’s trying, I can tell, it’s just –“he shook his head, “no never mind.”

“No, go on.” Aline encouraged,

“It’s just, he’s so much better with Max you know, he talks to him and plays with him and cares about his day.” Alec took a deep breath, “And of course I’m glad, I couldn’t bare it before when I thought Max might be struggling the same way I was, and I’m beyond glad that he’s got this great father figure. It’s just-“he broke off,

“It’s just hard to equate that same father figure with the one you knew right?”

“Exactly, it feels so selfish, oh god I’m terrible.”

“No!”

“I just wish it was me you know, I wish it was me he could be like that with me, it just feels like, like – like I’m the son he never wanted, and he’s replaced me with Max –“ Alec felt himself starting to tear up, and Aline sat up, carefully wiping away his tears,

“Listen to me, you’re worthy, you’re special –“ she laughed, “you’re a pain in the ass, and you’re disorganised and messy and always late –“ Alec started to laugh, a rainbow, “but I love you,” she grinned, “and so does Magnus and Helen and Izzy and Max and Jace and Simon and Clary and so many other people,” she moved forward to half-hug him in their awkward position, trying not to knock him into the sink. “Okay?”

“Okay.” Alec said, grinning through his sniffles.

“I’m just worried – because now he’s coming to the wedding, and I really just wanted to be able to enjoy it you know, to go with Mag and be out and proud and there for Izzy, and- and, now I know I’ll be on edge the whole time, that I won’t be able to be myself – I’ll be stuck in that same place I was when I was twelve” he leaned down, placing his head in his hands, and Aline wrapped her arms around his shoulders, “I just don’t want to be stuck inside a lie, inside a maze of you’re not right.”

“I know it’s easier said than done.” Aline took a breath, “Believe me I know,” she laughed, and Alec was reminded of the big, dark void that was Aline’s parents, and he squeezed her hand tighter through the darkness. He sometimes forgot about the all-too-familiar parallels in his and Aline’s pasts. What had tied them together in the first place, two lost souls on the breeze. “But you have to put yourself first, forget about their opinions, and be yourself, and if they care they can deal with it themselves, you’re still loved and supported, and to be yourself is the best thing you can be.”

Aline’s eyes shone beneath the moonlight, big and bright, “I love you so much Al, you know that?” Alec grinned, moving his head so it rested against her forehead.

“I know,” she smirked, and Alec only shook his head, “I love you too you big goof.”

“Good.” They held hands, turning their backs back against the wall.

“So what about you and Helen huh?” Alec said, feeling a small draft through their (cheap) windows creep over his cheek.  “She not here tonight?”

“She has a teacher thing tomorrow, some kind of assessment.” Aline said, and Alec tried to hide a smirk through the darkness. Who knew Helen could be such a convincing liar? He knew for sure she had no teaching assessment, he knew what she’d really be doing was organising. She’d told him a week ago as Aline slept soundly above, every single plan for her proposal. It’d be any day now, Alec would wager.

“Oh yeah?” Alec smiled, “You’ve been making a lot of steps recently,” Alec said softly, “the kittens, Helen moving in,”

Aline smiled, “it doesn’t quite seem fast enough to me, I just love her so much, you know?”

Alec smiled, feeling the soft warm air run over his face. “I know.” He said. And he did know, he saw it in small moments every day, the hands lingering slightly too long when making breakfast, Aline fallen asleep in Helen’s lap, her hands softly moving through her hair, the way Aline’s face lit up when Helen got back from work.

“I’m thinking of proposing,” she said, turning to look up at Alec, a nervous look in her eyes. She felt Alec’s hand stiffen, moving his head away from hers a little too fast, and hitting his head on one of the low-hanging cupboards in the process. There was a moment of silence between them, Alec looking incredulously down at Aline. If he hadn’t been in shock, it might have been amusing, images of the two of them kneeling down at the same time, always on the exact same wavelength. But all that Alec could think was; oh shit, should I tell her?

“You think it’s a terrible idea. It’s too fast right?” Aline said softly, looking down and avoiding Alec’s stare.

“No! No! It’s great I’m so happy for you!” Alec said, trying to shake off the shock like dust, desperately trying to force an expression of happiness onto his face.

“Then why do you look like you’ve just watched several children be hit by a large bus?” Aline said, tentatively turning her head to look at him.

“Shock, shock that’s all,” he moved to place his arms around Aline, “I’m happy for you, so happy for you I promise!”

Aline smiled, “Thanks Alec, it means a lot.”

Alec rested his chin on Aline’s shoulder; what to do now?

Chapter Text

“I told you I didn’t want anything big.” Simon said, feeling around the doorframe as Jace guided him through the door, blindfolded.

“That’s what she said,” Alec said, his beer sloshing around in the bottle, “Or not I guess.”

“Shush Alec,” Jace whispered, “it’s nearly time for the big reveal.”

It’s true Simon had said he didn’t want anything big. His exact words were I’m not sure the bachelor party tradition is for me. And when pushed by Jace, his request was something small, just friends, a gathering. But Jace had never been a good listener, that had been proven time and time again (I said I wanted a Cat Jace? This is a bat?). And that’s how they ended up there, in a comic book themed bar, with everybody Simon had ever met hidden behind various pacman games and figurines of Alien from the hit film Alien.

“Okay,” Jace said, a grin widening on his face, “I’m taking the blindfold off, one, two, three.” He motioned towards the people in the bar, pulling the blindfold off,

“Surprise!”

~

Izzy had been involved in every step of planning her bachelorette party. There’s no way you’re leaving me out, it’s half the fun. She’d been for countless sleepovers at Clary’s house, much to Jace’s dismay, picking out the guest list, chosen the club, the decorations. Ultimately, she’d decided on a simple pre-drinks, cake, alcohol, music followed by going out clubbing. She, unlike Jace had kept the guest list short, close friends, and people she worked with. It had all been planned down to the trim on the cake, just as Izzy wanted it.

Clary was just finishing curling her hair when the doorbell rang, Izzy jumping up on her (impossibly high) black boots, and throwing the door open to reveal Helen and Aline. Aline was in possibly the shortest dress she’d ever seen on a human, and was clearly already drunk, she handed her a present, and leaned heavily on Helen as she tried to cross the threshold into the Clary-Jace household. Helen and Izzy shared a look, as Izzy helped Helen carry her over the step.

“Let’s get this party started!” she shouted, and Izzy grinned, looking to Helen,

“Started early did we?” Izzy grinned. She was glad Aline was in good spirits.

~

All over the bar were posters of TV shows, films, directors, comic book figurines, most of them signed by someone, and all the tables had been collaged out of all comic books. Around the room were various retro game stations, pacman and space raiders and Mario, as well as table football and ping-pong, all complete with a disco ball. Needless to say Simon was in heaven, stood with some people Alec assumed he knew from college, all of whom wore thick-rimmed glasses and seemed the walking embodiment of the stereotypical nerd.

“This is lame.” Jace said, downing what Alec counted as his third beer,

“Don’t be mean, Simon’s in his element, it’s nice to see him so happy.” Jace looked at him, and raised his eyebrows,

“Don’t be such a sap.” He grinned wickedly, his whole eyes lighting up, “There’s only one solution to this problem and that’s to get wasted,” he said, “Simon too,” He turned, “yo get over here Si!”

~

About an hour later Izzy was finished opening presents, the get pumped playlist that her and Clary had so carefully crafted was ending and Aline was still wasted. Clary called a taxi, deciding to stay sober-ish if only to make sure that all ten girls got there in one piece, she didn’t think she’d ever seen half of them so drunk in her life. She head counted them through the door as if they were on some kind of school trip to an art museum and she was their primary school teacher. It made her wish she had some of those toddler reigns. Eight. She thought, I only counted eight. Nine including myself.

“Clary!” Izzy shouted from the taxi.

“One second!” she shouted, closing the door behind her, “Is anyone still here?” she shouted up the stairs, hearing rustling from the bathroom she knocked on the door, “Hello?”

“It’s me.” Aline said,

“I’m coming in okay?” Clary said, and Aline nodded (not that Clary could see her.)

“You okay Al?”

“All good,” The small woman said, but she was leaning heavily against the bath, half falling in, and struggling to keep her eyes open,

“Are you sure you’re okay to come?” Clary said, holding out a hand to help Aline up.

“Of course!” she slurred, “Hey!” she said, as Clary lifted her up.

“What?”

“Do you wanna know a secret?” Clary rolled her eyes, sometimes looking after very drunk people was not dissimilar to trying to keep an eye on ten toddlers all at once.

“Go on,” she said, and Aline leaned heavily on her shoulder, trying to cup Clary’s ear but missing it wildly.

“I’m gonna propose!” she said, her eyes widening as if she’d just learnt the meaning of life.

Clary smiled widely, “Really?!” she said, throwing her arms around Aline and nearly knocking her back into the bath again, “That’s great news, I’m so happy for you!”

Aline grinned, “I love her.”

Clary nodded, “Well that’s good, always key when proposing.”

Aline nodded as if this were important information she had not previously considered.

“Don’t tell anyone though,” she said, stumbling out of the bathroom door.

“No of course not.” Clary said, gesturing to her mouth, “Lips sealed.”

Aline turned round, leaning heavily on the stair bannister, and grinned, “Thanks Izzy, knew I could trust you.” She said, turning back around and half falling down the stairs.

Clary harrumphed, she couldn’t help feeling cheated. Izzy. She rolled her eyes, blaming on the alcohol, moving to stop her from falling down the stairs.

~

Alec had never seen Simon so drunk in his life, he was the sole one dancing on the floor, moving his arms widely as if trying to hail a taxi in the middle of a busy street, in the rain, where all the taxi drivers were short sighted. Alec laughed, downing another beer and throwing his arm around Jace, “you did a great job planning this you know.” He said, leaning heavily on him.

Jace’s eyes widened, “I guess drunk Alec is here, go on,” he rolled his eyes, “what’s on your mind?”

Jace knew Alec all too well. He knew drunk Alec wasn’t hyper energetic, or sleepy, or rude, or sick, he was emotional. A tsunami of emotions came over him, and he just wanted to sit all night and talk.

“Magnus isn’t here,” Alec said, leaning against the bar,

“Yeah he couldn’t make it right? Some kind of big opening?”

“Yeah,” Alec called the bartender to bring him another drink, “I miss him,” he said, staring at him and Jace in the mirror behind the bar, his mind producing an image like some kind of indie-film, soft focus and lense flare. Suddenly everything felt very important.

“Dude,” Jace knocked him on the arm, “it’s been like an hour, buck up.” He said, just as Simon hurtled into them,

“Come on guys! You’ve got to come dance!” Simon dragged them both onto the dancefloor, spilling half of Alec’s drink on the floor, as he span them in circles. Jace only laughed, going along with whatever moves Simon had pulled straight out of a music video from the 80s.

~

Izzy and Clary leaned against the bar, waiting for the queue to die down. The pair of them watched Aline and Helen spin in circles, they were one of the first in the club and most people were still in the awkward, early stages of standing to the side, obsessively nursing drinks and scanning the crowd, but there the two of them were, spinning and dancing, so completely in love, it was as if they hadn’t even noticed any one was there.

“Look at them,” Izzy said, leaning against Clary’s shoulder, “they are actually so cute.” She grinned,

“Hey can you keep a secret?” Clary said, certain that she could tell Izzy, after all Aline had thought it was Izzy she was telling in the first place.

“Always.” Izzy said, her eyes beaming and brightening, there was nothing Izzy thrived on more than gossip.

“Aline told me she was going to propose.” Izzy’s eyes widened even further,

“No!”

“No?” Clary said, quizzically.

“I overheard Helen saying she was going to propose.” Izzy and Clary looked at each other for a good fifteen seconds, before breaking out in laughter, howling, and making several people’s heads turn, as they looked at them, a bemused look falling across their face.

“Oh god,” Izzy said, “those crazy kids, they’re both gonna be there, on one knee, like what’s going on?”

Clary cracked up at the image. She pictured both of them, on the Eiffel tower, surrounded by too many romantic things, both having booked musicians, and roses, both confused out of their minds.

She and Izzy fell against each other, laughing, in a moment of pure joy.

~

By midnight, Simon had got everyone on the dancefloor, even his crew of nerds seemed to be having a great time, and Alec had never seen Simon happier.

“I think I would consider that a job well done,” Jace said, walking over to where Alec was standing, and handing him another pint.

“Yeah you did good, man.” Alec said, clapping him on the shoulder.

“Think I can do one better?” Jace said, side stepping to reveal Magnus behind him, his entire hair was covered in silver glitter and he had the most eyeliner on Alec thought he’d ever seen on a human. He stood there in shock, placing his pint down before moving to hug him.

“Happy to see me?” he smirked,

“Definitely,” Alec said, breaking the hug in order to kiss him, not caring who was watching, “even if that hair is a questionable decision.”

“Lord I know,” Magnus laughed, “Kelly’s decision, not mine, still at least it’s visible,”

“You can say that again,” Alec laughed, moving to kiss Magnus again, more firmly this time, pushing him back a little, Magnus smirked, feeling Alec’s hands trying to move through his hair, but being blocked by several tons of hair gel. Magnus moved his hands to Alec’s waist, pulling him closer to him, deeping this kiss, - Alec heard a cough behind him and pulled away from Magnus, turning to see the eyes he had seen every night in his mind’s eyes, ice blue and steely, a brow furrowed, a hair that was turning silver,

“Alec,” his father drawled, a flush in his cheeks Alec was sure he hadn’t seen before.

~

Chapter Text

“It’ll be fine, love.” Magnus drawled, his leather black shoes walking in perfect time along the pristine white hallway. (Alec swore everything in the entire building was white – if Izzy wanted a white wedding, then a white wedding she would get.)

“My dad hasn’t looked me in the eyes since, Mag.” Alec said, letting his eyes bore into the knitted carpet as they walked, his hand held in Magnus’ in a way that felt nice; casual and settled, as if they too could consider a wedding in the future, as if it too would be as well attended.

Alec’s father had stumbled over his words for a second the night before, before dashing to speak to Simon, barely throwing a glance at Magnus and Alec all night. He hadn’t even given Alec time to introduce Magnus, and he seemed on edge the rest of the time, resulting in the pair leaving early, earning a sympathetic glance from Jace before ending up at Magnus’ place watching some old movie, Alec’s head in Magnus’ lap.

“You need to give him time.” Magnus said, as they turned the corner, squeezing Alec’s hand extra tight.

“He’s had so much time, Mag,” Alec sighed, he hated that seeing his father made him feel six years old again, closeted and afraid and hating himself, “there’s only so much time a person can have.” Alec said, turning to look at Magnus, sadly. “I guess it’s one thing to come to terms with your son’s sexuality in theory and another to see it in practice.”

The pair stopped, Magnus cupping his cheek, “Alec you’re deserving of everything,” Magnus leaned to tilt Alec’s head upwards, “don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.” Alec smiled, leaning down to kiss Magnus.

“Alec!” came a shout from down the hall, and Alec pulled away from Magnus so hard he nearly hit is head on a candlestick holder hanging from the wall. He turned to look down the hallway, and there was Max strolling towards them, dressed in a tux, completed with a (crooked) bow-tie and everything. He grinned at Alec, “Hi Magnus.” He said, nodding in his direction.

“Don’t you look dapper!” Alec exclaimed, leaning to ruffle his hair,

Max rolled his eyes, “the bow-tie’s too tight.”

“We all have to suffer for fashion,” Magnus said, raising his eyebrows before laying a hand on Alec’s shoulder “I’m going to go check on Simon, I think Jace is trying to help him with his suit,” he shook his head, “I dread to think what might be going on.”

Alec smiled sadly, watching as his parents turned the corner.

“Oh there you are Max!” Maryse exclaimed. She was dressed in a plain grey dress, but on top of her head sat the most elaborate hat Alec thought he’d ever seen. It was bright purple and seemed to stretch upwards, threading through the air into some kind of swan-like shape. Alec’s father followed behind her, attempting a smile, but his bushy grey eyebrows always made him look serious, no matter what. “Alec,” she said, a nervous smile hidden behind her layers of blush.

Alec smiled, taking his mother’s hand. “I’m glad you could make it,” he said, “you too dad.” He turned to where his father was still making an effort to look Alec in the face ad not turn away, his face reddened as if it pained him to lay his eyes upon Alec. He was wearing a suit Alec was sure he’d seen at every important event for the last twenty years. He guessed he only had the one. Robert reached out his hand for Alec to shake, nodding curtly. Holding his father’s hand was a weird moment of connection. Younger Alec had longed for any attention from his father, he longed to rough house and bear hug like he saw all his friends doing, but now it felt like holding the hand of a stranger. A single strand of connection between them was sort of overwhelming for Alec. He felt himself become very uncomfortable.

“Shall we go?” Maryse said, sensing both of the men’s discomfort.

~

Izzy stood in front of a large mirror, small fairy lights lighting up the corners, and pictures of her friends and family pinned to one side (for comfort? You know. Izzy gulped, which Alec wasn’t sure he’d ever seen before.) Her hair was plaited around the top of her head, bright black against the soft white lighting. Clary had managed to thread tiny white flowers into the strands (she truly was an artist). But all Alec could see when he entered the room was the dress, it was long, the train filled the whole room, stretching out from where Izzy stood, but it still managed to be delicate, white lace covering her collarbones and stretching back over her shoulders. The dress went straight down before it got to her waist where it stretched out into a perfect semi-circle, the train falling behind her.

Izzy grinned, she was the happiest Alec had ever seen.

“Iz,” Alec said, fighting the urge to choke up, “you look so, so, beautiful.”

Izzy turned to him, “Don’t you dare cry, Alec, I swear!” she laughed, “You’ll set me off!”

Alec didn’t want to risk hugging her in case he knock something, Clary was watching him very closely, as hair and makeup (and unofficial bodyguard of the dress.) But he did reach out his hand, smiling and Izzy and squeezing her hand assuredly.

He remembered the night Izzy asked him to be her best man. They sat, back to the sofas, watching trashy musical movies, a giant bucket of popcorn between them.
You really want me to be best man?
Who else, doofus? There isn’t anybody else
What about Simon?
He’s got Clary, she’s maid of honour. (Sometimes Alec forgot that Clary and Simon had been childhood best friends, it was in fact through Clary that Izzy met Simon, after she brought him to one of the model parties (and he turned up in a teenage mutant ninja turtles t-shirt.)
Still.
Listen Alec, Izzy turned to him, there is no one more on this earth that I would like to be there for me, to be my best man, she turned shyly, to give me away, nobody else.

I’ll be there for you. And you’ll be there for me. Till the end of my days.

Maryse stood tentatively behind Alec, as if she were a vampire, waiting for her invitation to the room. But Max charged straight in, forcing Alec to throw an arm out to stop him from trampling on Izzy’s dress.

“Max!” Izzy exclaimed, her cheeks glowing red, “Don’t you look dapper!”

“That’s what I said.” Alec grinned,

“You look insane!” Max grinned,

Izzy laughed, “I’ll take that as a compliment.” Izzy caught sight of her mother, hanging in the doorway, her father tucked behind her.

“Hi mum,” she smiled, “I’m so glad you could make it.” Maryse proceeded to burst into tears, fumbling around in her handbag to try and find tissues, hiding her face behind her hat. “Oh you don’t have to cry, mum!” Izzy said, reaching forward to place a hand on her shoulder.

“You just look so so beautiful,” she said, “and I remember the day you were born, you were the most perfect little baby I’d ever seen, just adorable, and now here you are all grown up, and successful, I’m just so proud of you, my little baby girl.” Alec could see Izzy starting to tear up, he swore even Clary was trying to stifle back a sob, and he shot Izzy a look, a I’ll-handle-this look, reaching out and pulling his mother into a hug, cradling her beneath his chin, and subconsciously rocking her back and forth a little, like she had done when he was a child, and he cut his knee of the football pitch. Back when the world was as small as that suburban corner and his mother could fix anything. Alec was almost crying himself.

Robert buried his hands deeper in his pockets. He’d never been one to know what to do with emotions, his own or other people’s. He turned up his chin, as if he were determined not to let the past interfere with the day. “You look beautiful Isabelle, truly.” He said, offering her what in his world probably counted as a smile. He was trying, Alec could see that, and standing there, he almost looked small, helpless, and Alec felt a little sorry for him.

“Thanks, dad.” Izzy said softly, the air in the room seeming to sizzle.

~

Simon stood at the front of the church, tapping his fingers nervously against his good, dress pants. It wasn’t that he was nervous about the wedding, or well he was, but not your classic, oh-god-I’m-going-to-be-with-one-person-forever kind of panic, Simon had never cared about that, he’d known for a very long time that he wanted to be with Izzy as long as he possibly could. No, his panic was more this-is-a-very-big-day-and-a-very-big-church-and-everybody’s-looking-at-me panic. Which Simon thought was reasonable, he’d never pretended to be an extrovert. Luke winked at him where he stood in the groomsmen line-up. It was kind of embarrassing but when it came to discussing groomsmen and bridesmaids, Simon realised he didn’t have many close guy friends.  He had Clary as maid of honour, and his sister Rebecca as a bridesmaid (plus Aline and Helen which were mutual choices), but most of the groomsmen were Izzy’s picks, Alec as best man naturally, and then Max, and Jace (another mutual choice). But, when Simon had thought about it, really thought about it, the man he really wanted there was Luke. Sure Luke was technically no relation, and too old to be considered a friend, but he had helped to raise Simon. Simon had never had any other father figure other than Luke, who had graciously filled that role for him even though he had absolutely no need too. He was there for all Simon’s spelling bees, on all summer outings, and when Simon was having trouble at home. And for that, Simon was eternally grateful. Luke had taken too tiny, frazzled children into his life and cared for them like they were his own. He smiled at Luke, having him here put him at ease.

The piano started up and every one rose from their seats, Simon resisting the urge to turn around, because tradition. When they’d been discussing wedding traditions, they’d settled on a non-religious wedding, Izzy had never been religious, and although Simon was raised Jewish, he really wasn’t more than just kind of fond of it. Izzy still wanted traditions though, and Simon not seeing her dress before the wedding was top of her list.

Izzy walked down the aisle, arm in arm with Alec, blushing and smiling like, well like a bride. “I love you, you know, Alec.” Izzy whispered, looking up at him, “And I appreciate everything you’ve done for me.”

Alec blushed, taken aback by unexpected confession of love. “I love you too,” Alec smiled, “Now and forever.” He said, “And you’re hyped up on love I think.” He laughed.

“Probably,” Izzy said, “but I mean it, wherever we go from here, I’ll always have your back.”

“And I’ll have yours.” Alec said.

Their parents were sat in the front row, Max grinning at them excitedly from where he stood next to Jace. Izzy was glad her father hadn’t made a fuss about Alec giving her away instead of him. Their relationship was coming along, slowly being stitched back together, but she wasn’t ready for that. It didn’t feel right, he’d been nothing to her for so many years, just a gaping hole where a father had been. But Alec? Alec had been her rock for years now, there every step of the way. Everything about him giving her away made perfect sense.

Magnus nodded at Alec as they passed, grinning proudly at him. Magnus’ suit was reserved for his tastes (by Alec’s request), a standard black tuxedo, only set apart by a sparkling gold pocket square that kept catching the light from the chandelier. He guessed Magnus always had to have some glitter on him at all points. Alec smirked back at him, shooting him a wink, which earnt a nudge in the ribs from Izzy, still able to hold her own even beneath her lace veil.

Clary walked behind them, dressed in the same soft pink dress bridesmaid dress that adorned all of the bridesmaids, carefully carrying Izzy’s train. Her hair was partly pinned into two plaits, the rest of it curled down the back of her neck, which she’d rather impressively done herself, even if she did claim Jace had ‘helped’. Alec wasn’t quite sure how. Behind her walked Rebecca, Aline and Helen, all of them clutching white roses.

Izzy turned to Simon when she reached the end of the aisle, and Alec swore he could see tears forming in his eyes. Alec joined the other groomsmen, Max rather humorously high fiving him, earning a giggle from several audience members.

Izzy turned to hold Simon’s hands, and the service began.