Chapter Text
Another sleepless night. Jungkook had tried to go to bed around ten. He had followed the advice experts had recommended: maintain a nightly routine, avoid backlit screens thirty minutes before bedtime, and sleep in a cool, dark place. He really had tried to sleep.
But now it was 2:00 am and Jungkook was still wide awake. Well, it was more of a manic-awake than bright-eyed, ready-for-life kind of awake, but he was definitely not asleep. Not even close.
He sighed and rolled over, reaching for his phone. He might as well do something productive if he was going to be awake. Maybe he could get some work done now so the boss would not be mad at him tomorrow when he was tired and lethargic while on the job.
The next day, two of his coworkers noticed his fatigue and confronted him in the break room. As soon as Jungkook mentioned insomnia, his friends morphed into doctors.
“If you work out a lot, your body will naturally crave sleep,” Jimin suggested. He sipped on a mug of coffee. “Do you work out?”
Jungkook nodded, feeling miserable. He felt like he was always running like a mouse on a wheel in a cage, yet he still felt restless every night.
“Maybe you need a pet,” Tae suggested. “You could cuddle with your puppy and fall asleep feeling all safe and happy inside.”
Jungkook gave him a flat look and Tae just shrugged and took a powery donut from the free-for-all box.
“Maybe you need a boyfriend!” Jimin snapped his fingers. “I bet you’re not getting laid enough!”
“Yeah!” Tae grew excited. “I read a report that said men slept better after having an orgasm!”
Jungkook decided it was time to go back to work and stop asking his friends for advice.
Still, when Tae pulled him aside after work and suggested listening to this one late-night radio show, Jungkook took note.
“Really,” Tae told him gravely, “listen to 6.13 Kkul FM. The nighttime DJ has the most boring voice ever and it will put you to sleep within seconds.”
So, when Jungkook found himself still staring up at ceiling at 3:00 am, he thought he might give it a shot. He fiddled with the radio app on his iPad mini, finally tuning in to the right station.
A low, gravelly voice was speaking just then. It was deep and incredibly soothing, not at all boring like Taehyung had sworn. Actually, the DJ’s voice felt like someone was gently pouring honey in his ears and it was sliding down his throat, filling his belly, and making him all warm and melted inside. Jungkook sat back on the bed, comforted by the light of his electronic device and the way the night DJ’s words came out slowly, without rush and without stress.
Jungkook fell asleep within minutes.
“Wow, you were right!” he told Taehyung the next day. Jungkook felt like a normal human being for the first time in a long time. He had even had time for breakfast that morning.
“Told you,” Tae said. “Now you owe me lunch.”
Jungkook laughed, not even mad. If he had finally found the cure to his insomnia, he would buy a thousand lunches for Taehyung. To the side, Jimin muttered that he deserved a free lunch, too, by virtue of being Tae’s best friend. It wasn’t HIS fault his suggestions hadn’t worked …
That night, Jungkook turned on the radio right from the beginning, figuring he would be able to fall asleep faster if he listened to the radio without all the tossing and turning beforehand. To his immense disappointment, some lively duo, a man and a woman, were yelling out things while some pulsing music played in the background. Jungkook made a face at his iPad, beyond irritated.
When he searched on Naver for an explanation, he realized the radio channel played loud party-like music until midnight, when it then switched over to easy listening and the night time crew. Jungkook glanced at his clock: 11:17 pm. He still had another forty-five minutes of this racket?
He sighed and rolled over, trying to follow his nightly routine and not think about the divine voice of a particular nighttime DJ. He even closed his eyes and tried counting sheep, which somehow turned into bunnies hopping around in a garden. Then there were millions of bunnies and his heart rate skyrocketed as he tried to keep track of all of them.
Bolting upright, he flipped on the light and rubbed his eyes. Stupid rabbits. What was the point of imagination exercises if they just resulted in stress?
At least it was after midnight finally. Jungkook happily turned on the app and settled back in bed. It was an easy-listening jazz song at the moment, and although it was relatively nice on the ears, Jungkook could not fall asleep with this particular song playing. He started keeping the beat and humming along.
His inability to fall asleep might also have had something to do with his anticipation for the DJ to come back on air.
“Welcome back, this is Suga, the DJ with the sweetest voice,” the same low voice spoke when the song had finished. Jungkook sat more upright, holding his over-the-ear headphones closer to his head so he could hear each cadence more clearly. Ah, so the DJ’s on-air name was Suga. Jungkook found it a perfectly perfect pseudonym for the voice now breathing into his ears.
“This is 6.13 Kkul FM, where we play soft melodies and have soothing conversations all night long. Now, this next song is a personal favorite of mine. It has a dream-like sequence in the chorus, and Suran, our lovely goddess, has the most amazing voice. When you hear it, you’ll feel like you’re flying through the sky, leaving all your problems far away. In fact, that’s the name of this song: So Far Away. Please listen and enjoy.”
Jungkook listened to the entire song, soaring on the voice of Suran the angel. He even forgot all about his stress while he listened. Something about the voice and the song made his heart hurt deep inside, but in a good way. Jungkook quickly searched the song to download it and save it for later.
When the next song came on, a classical piano piece, Jungkook fell into a deep, relaxing sleep where he dreamed about becoming a feather that floated down a river of stars.
“I’m glad you’re finally sleeping these days,” Jimin said. It had been two weeks since Jungkook had discovered Kkul FM and made it his nightly ritual. Now, without fail, he fell asleep between 12 and 1:00 am, allowing him more sleep than he had been getting before.
“Ah, that Suga DJ is a lifesaver,” Jungkook gushed while they ate their lunch at Burger King, which had been Tae’s choice for the day. “I almost always fall asleep while listening to his voice or one of his excellent song choices. He’s got such great taste, let me tell you. It’s never the same thing, and it varies between something jazzy, something classical, or something really airy and light, like that Suran singer I was telling you about. I cannot tell you how many songs I’ve downloaded since I started listening to Kkul FM. Practically everything Suga suggests is something I like!”
“Wow, why don’t you go marry him,” Tae muttered, ripping a French fry in half before dipping both halves in ketchup and stuffing them in his mouth.
Jimin laughed at Tae, “Aww, are you feeling a little jealous, TaeTae? Jungkook’s got the hots for your radio DJ? Always talks about Suga this and Suga that?”
Tae swatted at his best friend and Jimin quickly arched his back to avoid getting hit. Jungkook, however, was sitting very still, hoping they did not notice the way he had stopped eating or had choked on his sip of water. Sure, they had only been joking, but Jungkook HAD developed a bit of a crush on DJ Suga - or at least, his voice and his taste in music - but the last thing he needed was love advice from these two. The sleep advice had been bad enough.
That night, when Jungkook tried to fall asleep while listening to Kkul FM, he found himself unable to stop concentrating on Suga’s words. Perhaps Jimin and Tae’s comments had made him more aware of how much he enjoyed the way DJ Suga sounded when talked, almost like he was growling or biting out the words. Not in an aggravating way, but just enough to give his voice a bit of an edge. It made Jungkook’s belly twist in a funny way, and sometimes, when Suga was just breathing or making a “hmm” sound while thinking out loud, Jungkook would actually blush. It sounded way too intimate in his ears.
Jungkook found himself listening to the conversation between Suga and an expert in parks and recreation. They were discussing what to do about a large empty lot that had slowly become a homeless camp and was now causing problems in the surrounding area. Jungkook did not particularly care about this topic, but he found himself listening to both sides of the arguments and forming his own opinions on the matter. When Suga asked listeners to call in with their thoughts, Jungkook’s fingers itched to dial the number - 010-Kkul-Suga - or send a tweet to @djsuga. He resisted, terrified at the thought of the nighttime DJ actually answering his phone call and actually talking to Jungkook directly.
That night, he ended up playing video games until 5:00 am before finally stopping to go out to a convenience store and buy some ramyeon. Thankfully, it was a Saturday morning, but Jungkook felt like a gross zombie. He also slept until four in the afternoon, which did not bode well for a productive week at work.
“You look like shit,” Jimin commented in the break room Monday morning. “What, did your Suga-man not cast his magic spell on you?”
“Suga doesn’t work on the weekends,” Jungkook grumbled. He yawned and stretched his arms. “I ended up staying up every night playing video games and then sleeping all day. Basically, I only got three hours of sleep last night.”
“Ah, that sucks,” Jimin sounded like he understood, but Jungkook knew his friend was a morning person and really had no idea.
“I have an extra energy drink,” Tae offered. Jungkook accepted and struggled to get through work that day.
When midnight struck, Jungkook was ready for bed, having gone through his nightly ritual. He sat cross-legged in the middle of a nest he had formed with his blankets and pillows. He clutched a teddy bear to his chest and held his breath until he heard Suga’s sweet tones carry over the airwaves.
“Greetings to all my fellow night owls,” the DJ sounded more chipper than he had a right to sound. Jungkook figured it was because Suga had found a job where he was literally paid to stay up late and sleep in late, aka Jungkook’s dream job.
“Tonight we have a brand new song from the lovely Suran, this time featuring a rapper called Changmo. The title is Wine, or If I get Drunk. Not only does Suran’s voice sound as smooth as wine, but boy, will you wish you were drinking some by the time you finish listening to this song. Please pour yourself a glass, sit back, and enjoy.”
Jungkook listened to the song with careful attention. By the end, he felt a deep sort of wistful melancholy, like he was a lost in a maze and could not find his way out.
He could not fall asleep. Not with that haunting tune in his mind or this heavy feeling in heart. It did not help, either, that he kept hearing Suga’s voice echoing in his ears. He could not focus on sleep, but instead lay awake, staring at the dark ceiling, as Suga’s soothing tones rolled over him, like waves crashing on the shore.
He was groggy the next day, having not fallen asleep until 4:00 am. Tae silently handed him another energy drink and Jimin covered for him when the boss got mad at a sloppy report Jungkook had typed up.
“You need to fix this problem, Kookie,” Jimin insisted. “Your Suga-boy isn’t helping anymore!”
“Maybe you need some help …” Tae suggested, his voice trailing off when he saw Jimin’s warning look. Needing psychological help was not exactly a favorable thing. “I mean, are you depressed or something?”
“Nah, I’m fine,” Jungkook told them. “Just too many late nights playing video games. I swear I’m fine.”
Jimin and Tae exchanged doubtful looks, but dropped the issue.
But really, honestly, Jungkook was not fine. That Tuesday night, he went to bed at 11:00 pm hoping beyond hope that he would fall asleep before midnight rolled around. He ws not sure if he could survive another night of Suga whispering in his ear.
Jungkook closed his eyes. Everything was dark. He felt a sudden panic. It was too dark! This was what it must feel like to be buried alive in a coffin. So black and suffocating. Unable to see or breathe. This was death, creeping toward him.
Fuck that! Jungkook sat upright and flipped on the lights. He was sweaty and breathing heavily. He stumbled to the bathroom and washed his face with cold water. Grimly, he stared at himself in the mirror, morose to find dark bags under his eyes and a haunted look within his soul. Jungkook made a grim face and left, unable to look at himself for a second longer.
He flung himself on the bed and read webcomics until midnight. Anything to distract himself from death. From the bell that tolled for all and ever marched closer.
Finally Suga breathed life into his ears. Jungkook propped himself on the bed with pillows and snuggled deeper. He was not planning to go to sleep this time; he knew sleep was evading him more than usual this night. Instead, his plan was to carefully listen to the rise and fall of Suga’s voice, treasuring this moment. Treasuring that he was quite alive and quite far from death.
Around 2:00 am, Suga started saying the most interesting thing. Jungkook perked up and turned the volume higher.
“Well, speaking of those who have trouble sleeping,” Suga was saying, “do you ever suffer from insomnia? Because, if you do, we’d like to hear from you! Give us a call at 010-Kkul-Suga or tweet me @djsuga. Come on, come on … I know that at least one of my listeners is someone having a difficult time falling asleep. If that’s the case, please call me. Maybe I can help.”
Jungkook sat bolt-upright. It felt like Suga was talking just to him. How had the DJ known he suffered from insomnia? Could Suga really help fix this problem?
His hand fiddled with his phone absently, debating if he should call or not. While he hesitated, Suga’s voice sounded off and the soulful tune of a piano piece came on. Jungkook still delayed. The idea of talking directly to Suga scared him silly and his fingertips were starting to sweat.
Then he dialed without thinking, hitting the green button before he could change his mind. If he just did it without thinking, then he would be okay. Suga probably would not answer directly anyway, but just a call-person manning the hotline. It’s not like Jungkook was calling to be a guest on the show, but to just call in to answer a survey or something. He could do this.
“This is Suga,” a low, familiar voice answered the phone. “How can I help you?”
Jungkook’s heart clenched. He stammered, “Ah, h-hello. Ah, you actually answered.”
“Of course I did,” Suga answered in a dry tone. A pause, then, “And whom do I have the pleasure of speaking with?”
“Jeon J-jungkook,” he blurted out, feeling so shy that he tripped over his own name. He cleared his throat a little and tried to explain … “I heard you talking about insomnia. I, uh, have that … I think.”
Suga chuckled a little. “I would say you definitely have it, if you’re calling me this late at night.”
Even though he was alone at home, Jungkook flushed at Suga’s words. The DJ made it sound like he was a boyfriend calling late at night, not just a random listener.
“Well, Jungkook,” Suga continued, “the reason we wanted people with insomnia to give us a call is because we’re looking for some participants for a show segment we’re doing. My friend, Dr. Kim Seokjin, is doing this study and would like to observe some people. If you’re interested, you’ll be compensated for your time, might find a cure for your problem, and I would be very interested in having you come on the show to talk about your experience. How does that sound to you?”
Jungkook thought about it for a second. He was pretty sure that he was the quietest, most introverted person he knew and would be a terrible radio show guest, but the chance to meet Suga and potentially find a cure for his insomnia sounded too good to be true. He nodded his head, even though Suga could not meet him. “Sure, I’d like that.”
“Good,” Suga’s voice was practically a satisfied purr and it sent warmth down into Jungkook’s belly and made his toes curl ever so slightly. “Just tell me your contact info and we’ll be in touch, okay?”
Jungkook told him his phone and email, his voice trembling ever so slightly as he realized he was basically exchanging contact info with Suga himself, and ended the phone call with a shocked feeling. He had done it. He had really called up a complete stranger and just talked to him like they knew each other. Jungkook grinned and decided to help himself to a bag of Banana Kicks as a reward for overcoming his dislike of making phone calls to strangers.
He did not hear from Suga or anyone at the radio station for several days. All elation and hope had fled, Jungkook now drinking more energy drinks and coffee than before, and even listening to Suga on the radio seemed false and tarnished. He had given his info to this man and had expected him to call, but like some guy ghosting you after a first date, Suga never called.
Until he did, quite unexpectedly, the following Monday morning. He invited Jungkook to come down to the station to meet him and Dr. Kim Seokjin.
Jungkook hailed a cab and headed to the radio station around 5:30 pm. He was wearing a simple suit and skinny tie since he was going over right after work. Jimin and Tae had teased him, saying he must have a date and that was why he was rushing away so quickly. Jungkook had just smiled secretively and left, letting them think what they wanted. Having a date sounded a lot better than meeting a doctor for his sleep problems.
The radio owned several top floors of a tall skyscraper in downtown Seoul. By the time Jungkook arrived, he was hungry and running late. He kept chewing on his bottom lip, frazzled.
“How can I help you, sir?” a secretary greeted him in the front lobby. Jungkook explained why he was there and the man smiled at him brightly and led him into a small room in the back where there was a table, four chairs, and a fake plant and trash can in the corner. The secretary left and returned with a cup of water, telling him Suga and Dr. Kim would be there in just a moment.
Jungkook drank the water nervously, and then started folding down the edges of the paper cup once it was empty. He did not know what he was making, but he was bored and stressed, so he kept ripping little tears into the paper, seeing what would happen.
Two knocks sounded on the door and Jungkook stood up quickly. He tousled his hair and threw the paper cup in the trash can as fast as he could.
“Ah, Jeon Jungkook?” the voice of his dreams asked. Jungkook stared as he finally saw the person who soothed him to sleep each night.
In a way, Suga’s appearance was foreign and strange - how could such a deep sound come from such a pretty face? - but in a way, Suga looked absolutely perfect, like an echo of Jungkook’s heart.
He realized he was staring and quickly gave a deep bow. “P-pleased to meet you!”
He looked up and saw that Suga was just finishing his own, not-so-deep bow, and a smile tugged on his lips. Jungkook tried to think of something clever to say. He thought a compliment might be nice.
“Y-your hair!” he ended up saying, quite lamely. He flushed and looked away, but not before he noticed Suga grinning with the widest, most cheerful smile.
“Thank you,” Suga spoke in that perfect, low voice that made Jungkook’s knees buckle ever so slightly. “Everyone told me green would look terrible on me, but I happen to think I look fabulous.”
Jungkook nodded, quite agreeing that Suga did, indeed, look fabulous. He chewed his bottom lip, trying to prevent all the words from gushing out. Suga gave him a little once over, smiled to himself, and then turned to the door.
“Ah, and here is the person we have been waiting for. Jin-hyung, here is Jeon Jungkook. Jungkook, this is Dr. Kim Seokjin.”
Once bowing again, the three of them took a seat at the table. Jin opened a folder full of important looking documents and was about to ask Jungkook a question when a loud, grumbly noise erupted from Jungkook’s belly.
“Ah, excuse me,” Jungkook murmuring. He placed his hands on his stomach, as if to keep the sounds from escaping. “I’m just a little hungry. I rushed here right after work …”
Suga nodded and stood up. He went to the door and spoke to someone who must have been standing just outside. He told them, “Can you get us three orders of Jajangmyeon? Yeah, we’ll eat in here. Yeah, thanks. No, don’t bill it to me! Make Jin pay for it!”
He came in and ignored the exasperated look Jin was currently shooting at him. Suga smiled warmly at Jungkook, as if sharing an inside joke. Jungkook relaxed and could not help but smile back.
While they waited for dinner, and then ate the black sauce noodles, Dr. Kim explained the program to Jungkook and what would all be expected from him. Basically, for the next two months, Jungkook would head to the sleep lab facility every single weekend. For three days and two nights, he would be under constant supervision, both visually and medically. Jin wanted a base trial run the first weekend, and then try different routines on the other weekends. There would be forty participants total. Jin hoped they would be able to rule out various factors and maybe find a pattern that he could use in his report.
“And you do have insomnia, right kid?” Suga asked, taking another bite of noodles. He looked at him over the table. “You’re not just this for money or fame or something?”
Jungkook shook his head quickly. “No, not at all. I have a lot of trouble falling asleep. Every night I’m up until three or four in the morning, even when I try to follow all the things experts advise. That’s why I started listening to your show.”
He bit off the words and winced slightly. He had not meant for that piece of news to slip out.
Suga looked up in surprise. “You listened to my show because experts advised it?”
“Not quite …” Jungkook said. He twisted his chopsticks in his fingers and kept his eyes glued to the table. “My friend recommended it because he found your voice soothing.”
“So, in other words,” Suga drawled, “my voice is boring and puts my listeners to sleep. Fantastic.”
“No, not at all!” Jungkook exclaimed, looking up. He met Suga’s warm brown eyes and looked away quickly, “I mean, your voice is very soothing and it was working for awhile. I mean, I was falling asleep while listening to your program … but then your talk segments became so interesting and I was staying up late just to listen to your voice, and …”
Jungkook trailed off, thinking he had said far too much. Why had he been rambling like that and revealing so much of himself just now?
Suga gave a wry chuckle and just said, “Thanks, kid. I’m happy to learn my voice is both monotonous and stimulating.”
Jungkook’s ears burned like they had caught on fire.
Friday evening rolled around and Jungkook took a subway to the facility. He willingly handed over his few belongings and put on the comfortable lounge wear they provided for him. It was an old-timey pajama set, dark blue with white trim. Inside, Jungkook was given his own white room with a white bed and white furniture. There was a one-way mirror on the right wall and a camera in the upper left corner. Jungkook fretted about this at first, but by the end of the first day, he had learned to mostly ignore the fact that people were peering at him from the other side.
Jungkook was allowed to come and go out of his room as often as he wished and he had full control over the door and its lock. Jin explained that some people felt trapped in this facility, since it reminded them of a mental institution, but others had peace of mind knowing their door was locked. Jungkook fell in the latter category and always checked to make sure the lock was bolted before he went to sleep.
There were 39 other participants in the program and Jungkook ate with them and learned a lot about them, although he mostly kept quiet about himself. It seemed that many of them were the artistic type. Suga would have fit right in, what with his mint green hair and non-standard career. Jungkook met a boy named Namjoon with lavender hair and a penchant for poetry, and there was also an orange-haired guy called Hoseok who smiled all the time, but cried out in his sleep and swore a lot when he rapped.
“You should join my hip hip group,” Hobi said to Namjoon while they ate dinner Saturday night. Jungkook could not figure out why two older, smarter, more interesting guys would bother to sit with him, but they kept joining him for meals in the cafeteria. He felt so plain and boring next to them. He had the typical black hair of most Korean man and worked a basic corporate job. Why had they adopted him?
“I can’t,” Namjoon replied morosely. “I have to keeping studying and get my masters in business.”
“Pah!” Hoseok made a face and waved a hand. He leaned closer. “Corporate jobs are for wusses. You were born to be a rap god, Namjoon. I’ve read your poetry. It would easily convert to rap lyrics. Leave behind your monotonous life and join me on stage!”
Namjoon just shook his head and continued eating the plain, but healthy meal they had been provided.
Jungkook went back to his room alone, thinking about the conversation. He wondered why he stayed in a job he hated, living a life he did not love. Was it really that simple to pack it all up and make a change?
That night, Jungkook could not fall asleep until 3:00 am, no matter how hard he tried to relax. He wondered if he was missing Suga’s voice and excellent taste in music. Or would that have only kept him up longer?
As it was, every time he closed his eyes, he felt trapped in a coffin. He kept thinking, I’m wasting my life. Sleep is a waste of time. Half my life goes to sleep. Then I’ll die and won’t exist anymore. I should live every second of my life to the fullest. I should not sleep, but spend my time doing other things. I don’t want to be dead.
Jungkook went back to work on Monday, but now had Hoseok and Namjoon’s phone numbers in his phone. During the week, Namjoon sent him aesthetic pictures of trees in the park or cold Americanos elegantly arranged against flowers or brick walls. He never talked about himself, but sent lines of poetry along with the pictures, talking about all these deep philosophical things that Jungkook did not quite understand, but twisted his heart in a sad, little way.
Hoseok, on the other hand, spammed him with memes from the internet. Some cute, some funny, some dirty as ever. Jungkook found himself chortling at work one day over one such meme, which made Tae steal his phone and Jimin ask, “Do you have a boyfriend? Is that why you didn’t answer your phone all weekend and now stare at it with a lovey-dovey face?”
Jungkook just scowled and grabbed his phone out of Tae’s hands. “None of your business!”
“Oooh, he has a boyfriend!” Tae teased.
“Is it your Suga-hyung?” Jimin asked.
Jungkook ran away to the bathroom, claiming he had diarrhea, before they could see the sudden flush blooming across his skin. No, he did not have a boyfriend, and no, Suga was not texting him, but just the very thought shot warm fuzzies into his bloodstream.
On Wednesday afternoon, Jungkook got a text from an unknown number. “Hey, this is Min Yoongi. Wanted to talk with you about last weekend. Can you meet for dinner after work?”
Jungkook bit his lip, thinking. He had met a lot of people at the facility last weekend. Had one of them been named Min Yoongi?
He shrugged, unable to recall. He texted back, “I’m sorry, but I don’t remember meeting you. Who are you?”
The return message came within seconds. “Ah … Min Yoongi … that’s my real name … ah, this is Suga, your favorite DJ <3.”
Jungkook stared. There was a little heart and everything. He rolled his eyes, knowing Suga’s personality enough from the radio to realize the man was playing with him. He thought about it, trying not to get overwhelmed at the idea of Suga texting him and asking him on a date. Well, no, not a date.
Calm the fuck down, Jungkook. It was just a business dinner. Suga just wanted to know some info about the facility and the testing program. Don’t read into it.
“Sure,” he wrote back. He sent the message and then paused. He wrote a second message. “You like meat? I know a nice lamb skewers place by my work.”
“Sounds good,” Suga - er, Yoongi - replied. “Send me the address and I’ll meet you there at six.”
Jungkook blushed. The wording made it sound like they were meeting for a romantic dinner.
He bit his bottom lip; would Yoongi ever consider going out on a real date with him?