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Soonyoung sighed for the nth time that day. He was never good with anything like saying no against Jihoon’s yes.
He loved Jihoon but as he knew, he just wanted that boy to be happy, preferably with and because of him. It seemed to be impossible lately. Jihoon wasn’t happy. Soonyoung knew that much. He wasn’t going to be the reason for Jihoon’s despair, that was the last thing that he would ever want.
Those times he spent chasing after Jihoon, looking after him, loving him, those moments were the ones that he treasured the most. But lately, just loving him didn’t seem to be enough. He wanted to be the one that Jihoon ran to when he had problem. But he didn’t even have much time to spend with Jihoon anymore. He waited and waited but Jihoon never called. He never needed Soonyoung’s help.
Soonyoung missed him so much. But he thought maybe Jihoon needed time alone. That was what Soonyoung gonna give him then, time alone, okay. The first day was like hell and Soonyoung had gone through that with only calling and texting Jihoon without running to his studio.
Now, a week had passed and nothing seemed to get better. Jihoon still sounded so tired and replied with very very short answers. Soonyoung loved him though, that was what he would always do. Soonyoung was tired too, but he loved Jihoon, he would hold on. People also knew how much Soonyoung had always loved Jihoon.
“It was a miracle that you get him to date you.” Soonyoung remembered Mingyu joked. It was a joke that Soonyoung was actually proud of at that time. Now, as he thought about it, he had kind of forced Jihoon to date him.
Soonyoung had always showed Jihoon that he was into him but never really confessed. Soonyoung finally confessed when he got drunk. Jihoon had looked stunned but Soonyoung was too drunk to realize. “You’re drunk.”
Soonyoung shook his head.
“Would you be my boyfriend, Lee Jihoon?”
“I’ll take him home.”
Jihoon brought Soonyoung out. The others were actually wondering why and what would happen to those two.
“Wait! Wait, Jihoon-ahh…”
Soonyoung smiled drunkenly to Jihoon.
“I’ll walk you home. I will. I’m not drunk. If I can walk you home, please date me, okay?”
“Let’s go!” Soonyoung pulled Jihoon with him, to the wrong direction. They were walking hand in hand with Soonyoung’s occasional giggles. Suddenly, Soonyoung stopped and almost fell back. Jihoon caught his back.
“This doesn’t seem right. I think we got the wrong direction.” Soonyoung pointed out and Jihoon led him to sit at the bench.
“Why are we sitting? We should get you home, Jihoon-ahh. I have to. I have to date you.”
“Why?” Finally Jihoon spoke and that brought Soonyoung to smile at him lovingly.
“Because I love you.”
“Really do. I do. I love you, Jihoon-ahh.”
“I know.”
“You do? I-“
“But then why dating? Isn’t it enough that you-“
Soonyoung had covered Jihoon’s mouth with his cold hand.
“Because they would take you away from me if we don’t date. And also, I would know that you love me too if you date me. I would be able to love you even more if you date me. I could protect you. I don’t like to see others getting too close to you. I don’t like them taking you away from me. I want to be special to you. I want to be different from them. I want you to only be with me.”
Soonyoung’s babbles had taken Jihoon aback with their honesty.
“You’re special, Soonyoung.”
“Right? I know. I know, Jihoon-ahh. But I need something more than you merely saying it. I need to have something that I can use to protect you. I want to be your boyfriend. I can just scold them off because I’m the boyfriend. If I'm not, I have no right to do so when I hate it a lot, when you’re with-“
This time Soonyoung got silenced by Jihoon’s warm lips. It wasn’t their first time kissing each other. Soonyoung leaned in to the kiss and hugged Jihoon. Jihoon was surprised that he didn’t pass out.
“Let’s go.” Jihoon brought them up and half dragged Soonyoung to his apartment. The walk was silent but so warm. They were so close and Jihoon didn’t mind. He couldn’t help the smile on his face or the pinkish tint on his cheeks. He had loved Soonyoung too.
When they finally arrived at Jihoon’s place. Soonyoung wasn’t doing so well to sober up and Jihoon had taken him in. “Now, where is your spirit, boyfriend?” Soonyoung didn’t miss that. He wouldn’t miss that for anything. That night, Soonyoung felt the happiest. Jihoon didn’t mind Soonyoung’s alcoholic breath, he needed the warmth.
Jihoon wasn’t one who liked to show his affection, but Soonyoung knew he loved him. He knew. He could feel it.
Jihoon was never one to say I love you. Only when he thought Soonyoung was asleep he would do so, sometimes. Soonyoung couldn’t really do anything about that because he just wanted Jihoon to be happy with him, he didn’t want to be a very demanding boyfriend but he couldn’t help being so clingy sometimes.
He liked to be close to Jihoon. He would just end up sleeping next to Jihoon in the library because he wasn’t really a reading type and Jihoon needed to do his research.
When they graduated, he wanted Jihoon to move in with him but he never found the right time to ask and he wasn’t sure if Jihoon would like that. He ended up crashing in Jihoon’s apartment most of the time though, even when Jihoon was locked up in his studio.
Jihoon visited him sometimes too, especially when Soonyoung went down with cold which he got at least twice a year. He felt miserably sad when he got those cold that got him too tired to get up but then Jihoon was always there to take care of him. Jihoon was a very gentle person for moments like this. Soonyoung loved Jihoon’s gentle side.
Jihoon wasn’t the one who would prepare gifts for their anniversaries. The first one, Soonyoung had surprised him in his studio with the loving decoration in his apartment. They had spent the whole day together. Jihoon was in his studio and Soonyoung in his apartment, doing the decoration. Jihoon was totally touched and cried saying he felt so loved. Soonyoung felt the happiest, he never wanted to let Jihoon go from his hold that night. He didn’t.
When he woke up the next morning, Jihoon surprised him with a breakfast in the bed that he never allowed. Soonyoung wanted to eat Jihoon for being so cute.
Now that Jihoon was so distant, Soonyoung missed those sweet moments that they had. Soonyoung couldn't really help himslef anymore. He had given Jihoon enough time and he also might go crazy if he didn't see or hold Jihoon soon. So, off to Jihoon's studio he went.
Soonyoung found his boyfriend asleep, slumped on the desk."His sleeping schedule must have been wrecked again." Soonyoung thought and approached the sleeping boy. Jihoon blinked as he was waking up. Jihoon was never a light sleeper but he had problem with his sleeping lately.
"Soonyoung?"
Soonyoung brought him to cuddle on the couch. Jihoon settled comfortably in Soonyoung's hold. He looked so exhausted. Soonyoung held him really close and kissed his head.
"Soonyoung-ahh." Jihoon turned to look at Soonyoung. he looked so soft and fragile. His hair was amess and he didn't seem to change his clothes. The dark circles and bags under his eyes were getting really disturbing. "But he still is my Jihoon. He looks so kissable and-" Soonyoung mentally slapped himself.
"I'm here Jihoon-ahh." Soonyoung caressed Jihoon's pale cheeks. Jihoon was blinking and without he knew it, his tears were rolling down his cheeks. Soonyoung didn't like this at all. He didn't see Jihoon cry that often.
"It's okay. I'm here, Jihoon-ahh." He pulled Jihoon closer.
"I can't do it, Youngie."
"It's okay. You got this."
"I don't think I can do this anymore. The inspiration just won't come. I'm trying my be-" Soonyoung silenced the crying boy with his kisses. He missed Jihoon so much. He hated seeing Jihoon like this.
The kiss lasted longer than any of them would have expected. When Soonyoung pulled away slightly, Jihoon opened his eyes to look at him. Just that look alone got Soonyoung to plant another kiss on his reddish lips. Jihoon just melted into Soonyoung's hold.
"Let's just sleep it off, alright? You'll be better tomorrow, huh?" Soonyoung kissed his closed eyes. Jihoon nodded and he slept. His breathing got even and he was able to forget his unfinished songs for the first time in about three weeks.
He needed Soonyoung much more than he had thought he would. Sleeping with Soonyoung would have been the cure, he just didn't really think about Soonyoung because of those songs.
When Jihoon woke up, he was greeted with Soonyoung's warmth. He opened his eyes and saw that Soonyoung was still asleep. It must be still dawn. Jihoon looked at his boyfriend's sleeping face and that brought a smile to his face.
He cuddled Soonyoung some more before giving him a peck lightly on his lips. The inspiration hit him like Soonyoung's kisses. Jihoon bit his lips to hold back his squeal. "Thank you, Soonyoung-ahh." With one last peck, he got up.
Soonyoung was still comfortably sleeping on his small couch when Jihoon finished his songs. When he finally felt satisfied with everything, he just realized that he had done them much faster than he thought. Soonyoung was still asleep. He went back to cuddle him. "Ahhh" Jihoon let out a satisfied sigh as he fell back asleep after kissing Soonyoung once more. He missed Soonyoung so much.