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The bills were high, hand me downs were an everyday thing, not to mention the laughter all of them had to deal with. A family of 5, it was hard to have a lot of money. Louis would wear a sweater and it would be passed down from child to child, until it got to Niall or Harry who were the youngest, twins even.
Louis was the oldest at 18, and he was quite responsible, having grown up with busy, hard working parents he often had to take care of his younger siblings. Of course his brother Zayn, who was two years younger, often helped out as well, unlike Liam. The fourteen year old didn’t want anything to do with the family, just wanted his girlfriend and that was it.
But that behavior was normal for a kid his age. Louis and Zayn both hadn’t been in the mood to help out then, both moody and going through puberty, thinking they were the best and coolest out of everyone around.
Harry and Niall were twins, both four, but very different. Niall was loud, jumped around all the time, his energy bordering in ADD even, while Harry was calm, quiet, and always tired. It was odd to see the different twins interacting.
Though the thing that really weighed everyone down, especially John and Nick, the parents, was the hospital.
Harry had been born first, quicker than Niall, but he was weaker. They hadn’t been allowed to pick their son up, hadn’t been allowed to love and snuggle him from the beginning on because of his weaker frame. That was what was bringing the whole family down to shreds. The hospital bills were piling up, more expensive every time. Because of these, the hand me downs became more and more, Liam wearing old worn sweaters and jeans that were a bit too short for his lanky legs.
All five boys were adopted at young ages, hence why they all looked a bit different. Harry and Niall had been an accident, they hadn’t meant to adopt them, but a young girl from John’s work, an intern, had told him about being pregnant and how she didn’t have any way to take care of them, and that was how Niall and Harry came to be with them.
Nick was woken up with a start when Louis shook his shoulder.
“Pa, we have to go to the hospital. Harry is complaining about stomach pains again.” Louis hushed, trying not to wake his other father who had work at 5 am the next morning.
Nick groaned and nodded, getting up. It wasn’t the first time that Harry had run off to find Louis, his favorite of all his siblings, when he was in pain. It was always Louis and Louis was the only one able to keep the sobbing boy calm in these situations.
Nick quickly woke his significant other explained everything to him, before rushing to Zayn’s room.
He woke the second oldest, the tan boy groggily looking up at his father. He knew what was coming, this happened often enough that it was basically routine to be woken up in the middle of the night.
“Take Niall and Liam to school tomorrow.” Nick kissed his sons forehead before rushing off with Louis to the hospital, the eldest son cradling the sobbing boy in his arms protectively.
When it was Zayn who came into his room the next morning, little Niall knew that Hazzy was sick once again. He was always sick. Niall didn’t understand how his brother could get the icky’s over and over again.
“Come on Nialler.” Zayn muttered, going to the closet and picking out some clothes and handing them to the young four year old, helping him get dressed before rushing down for breakfast.
No eggs, no bacon, just plain toast with some jam and butter. Daddy was already gone, off to work, leaving the three boys alone to get ready.
It wasn’t hectic, rather quiet and lonely. Liam was glued to his phone and Zayn didn’t pay any attention to Niall, who so desperately wanted some Lucky Charms cereal, but his brother hadn’t put it out on the table. He didn’t want to bother Liam or Zayn so he silently ate his dry toast.
Niall didn’t mind that Harry was always sick, it actually made the four year old quite sad. He didn’t have anyone to talk to, since no one else in the family bothered to listen to his constant rambling, and most of all he had no one to play with, which made it all the more lonesome when Harry was gone.
Niall only ever wanted some attention, wanted someone to pay attention to him, see him and talk to him, but his family mostly ignored him for Harry. Harry was sick and needed looking after, while Niall was healthy. Niall didn’t understand this, didn’t get that because he didn’t need to take medication constantly, that he was fine to look after himself.
Niall frowned and tore his toast into small pieces before taking a bit, chewing slowly, trying to get some taste from the dry bread. It wasn’t good like when Louis made toast. Louis knew how Harry liked it and with time Niall learnt to love his toast slightly soggy like Harry.
“Hazzy is sick again?” Niall asked quietly, looking over to Liam who only grunted and nodded, fingers flying over his iPhone screen, not even bothering to look over to his younger sibling.
“By the way I’m hanging out with some friends tonight after school.” Liam told Zayn, “Pa and Lou will probably be in the hospital until tomorrow and dad’s at work until late tonight.” He added on.
“Sounds fine.” Zayn shrugged, getting up and putting his plate away, “Niall don’t play with your food.” He rolled his eyes at the four year old who dropped a piece which had looked especially funny, “Come on let’s go to school.”
Niall ended up being way early to day care. He didn’t mind though. Here he had people pay attention to him, see him and laugh with him. Sure, most kids didn’t like him since he was loud and quite annoying, but Angela, the kindergarten teacher, always listened and always played with Niall. She praised him for his drawings, hung them up even. He loved Angela.
“Bye Niall!” Zayn shouted out of the car and driving off, making the small boy walk into the day care on his own. Pa and daddy always walked him in, helped him with his coat, but Zayn and Liam just left him standing by the curb.
It was all because Harry was sick. Niall hated when Harry was sick. He had no one to play with and no one would care about Niall. Sometimes he hated Harry for this. He wanted someone to take him places and worst of all, Louis didn’t care one bit.
Niall put his jacket on his hanger, put his lunchbox away before rushing over to the play room. Only Angela and one other kid were there. Niall grinned and rushed on over, joining the two, all thoughts about his sick brother missing.
“Is he okay?” Louis asked his dad when Nick came out of the room where Harry was currently sleeping, monitors surrounding his small body, white pale blanket wrapped around him. His curly dark hair contrasting greatly to the crisp clean and organized surroundings of the hospital room.
“Yeah doctor said it’s the same as last time. We need to be more careful with the medication. He needs to really take it every time.” Nick explained to his oldest son, the two sitting down in the cafeteria for much deserved coffee.
“I called work I’m not coming in today.” Louis had graduated the year before and now worked full time to get money for university, since the family didn’t have enough money themselves for it. He didn’t mind working for it, was quite proud to work so hard for something he wanted.
“Good, I think Harry really needs you here. He was so scared this time, kept begging for you.” Nick sighed. It was killing him to see his youngest sobbing and begging for his brother, in so much pain. He just wanted to help, but he couldn’t and the doctors couldn’t help him any other way either.
The two drank some coffee before returning to the hospital room where Harry was still fast asleep, both older men taking seats beside him. He was so small and pale in comparison to the bed. He looked to be in slight pain even when he was sleeping.
Louis fell asleep quite quickly, hand tightly holding onto the much smaller one of his little brother, while Nick stayed awake, watching the two. Louis and Harry had always been close, even when Harry was a baby, he would love Louis holding him best, would cry otherwise and they grew up loving one another.
Nick found it adorable how Harry worshipped Louis and how Louis did everything in his power to make Harry’s life as comfortable as possible.
The day passed quite quickly. Harry woke up and some point and ended up playing UNO with his brother. Of course Louis would let Harry win over and over again. Seeing the sickly child laugh and get excited over something as trivial as a game of cards.
Niall had a good day at day care. Not the best but it was good. He’d drawn a picture for Harry as a ‘get well soon’ gift. Angela had told him it was the nice thing to do, so Niall spent a good half of the day drawing it for his Hazzy. He wanted him to get better so he could have someone to talk to once more. Hazzy was the only one who understood him.
The other half Niall spent following Angela around and talking her ear off, but the young woman only smiled and nodded. She never got mad at him like Liam or Zayn. She always looked to be interested in what he had to say and paid attention to him. He even helped her with making the lunches for everyone, helping her add equal amounts of apple slices onto every trey.
“Good job Niall!” She had grinned and ruffled his hair, the movement so foreign to the boy but he loved it. Loved the attention and the smiles sent his way, because daddy and pa were always too busy worrying about Hazzy that Niall never got to spend time with them.
When he’d ask for them to help him, they’d send him to Louis who was always busy with Harry. So then he’d go to Zayn who sometimes would paint with him, but Zayn was on the basketball team and he was an honors student so he barely had time for Niall and Liam was always glued to his phone, texting away to people. Liam probably didn’t even know Niall was alive.
But here, Niall had Angela and she paid attention to him, more so than she did to Harry, which was a first. Everyone loved Harry more, because Harry was sick and needed attention. Niall wasn’t sick so he didn’t need anyone to look after him, but he longed for a hug from Louis, wanted a cuddly with his pa or kisses from his daddy, but those were reserved for Harry, so Niall had to deal with what he got and that was nothing.
Sometimes, if Zayn was in a good mood, he’d cuddle Niall and watch a movie, sometimes Niall would get to sit in with Liam and his friends’ when they were over and watch a movie, but those were the only times that Niall ever got to be close to his family. Louis was off limits, he belonged to Harry and Harry had even told Niall so once, saying that Niall wasn’t allowed to cuddle with the oldest son. So Niall listened, since Harry was sick and needed to get what he wanted so he could feel better.
It was in the afternoon now, two thirty, the time when all parents came to pick up their kids. Niall sat quietly on the steps, elbows on his knees and resting his head on his small hands, looking over at all the smiling kids getting hugs and kisses from his parents. His eyes darted over towards the door frequently, hoping daddy would come soon to get him.
He loved day care, loved it really, but he wanted to go home and give Harry his drawing. Angela had helped him write ‘Get Well Soon Hazzy’ on it and he even drew a heart. He wanted to see Harry smile and wanted to tell him everything about his day, since he knew that the quiet boy would listen to him, but with every child being picked up, Niall could feel his heart drop.
They hadn’t forgotten him had they? He didn’t think that would be possible. He knew Liam was going out, he did so every Friday and he knew Zayn had basketball… He knew Louis would be with Harry, so his daddy or pa would have time to get him, because someone was with his brother.
He sat there, looking on as all kids grinned and bounced around, telling their families of their awesome days and it stung Niall. He wanted to tell his family about his day, but no one was here for him.
An hour later Angela came over to him, sitting next to him and putting her arm around the smaller boy who pouted and looked at her with watery eyes.
Large blue eyes, too large for his little head were filled with hurt and sadness and most of all longing. The young teacher knew that Niall didn’t have it easy at home with so many kids and a sick brother, it was hard to gain attention. That was why she didn’t let his constant blabbing annoy her, because she knew that he couldn’t do that at home and he was such a bright and energetic boy.
“Come on, we’ll go call you pa.” She smiled, picking up Niall’s picture and grabbing his hand, the two walking back to the classroom where Niall sat down at a desk, looking at his nimble fingers, not even grabbing for the crayons to draw.
Niall had watched Zayn draw, and ever since then decided he wanted to become and artist just like his older brother, but Zayn never had time to help him, rushing from activity to activity, but Niall tried so hard to get better for his family.
Angela grabbed the phone and called Niall’s home, but no one picked up. She rang two more times before joining the small boy on the floor. His light brown hair was leaning more towards red, as though it wasn’t sure what color to be just yet. His blue eyes looked heartbroken, lip wobbling, ready to burst into tears.
They forgot him, left him. He wasn’t loved. It was something that the four year old had known all along. He knew that Harry was more important, being sick and weak, but Niall had always wished to at least a bit to his family. Enough not to forget him at least.
“Don’t cry Niall…” Angela whispered, pulling the boy onto her lap, “Here draw a picture for you pa until he gets here. It’s really hard on him with Harry right now.” She ran her fingers through his reddish brown hair before he agreed and quietly drew something, green and blue flying over the paper.
She called the cell phone number on Niall’s sheet, walking away from him for a moment, just in case Nick or John answered. She kept Niall in eye sight though, the small boy letting silent tears run down his cheeks, ruining the picture.
“Hello?” Nick answered on the fifth ring sounding awful, voice rough as though he hadn’t slept in a while.
“Hello Mr. Larkin?” Angela asked on the other end of the line, “I’m Mrs Jensen from Niall’s daycare? I just wanted to tell you that no one has come to pick him up yet.”
Nick cursed on the other end of the phone, “I can’t leave the hospital right now, Harry is getting some scans done… Zayn was supposed to pick him up.” He explained, sounding helpless.
“Niall told me that Zayn always has basketball until 6 on Friday’s.” She replied calmly. She pitied the poor man, having to deal with an ill child and organizing all his other kids schedules. It was tough, she knew having grown up with 6 other siblings around her. One was easily forgotten…
There was shuffling on the other end of the line and quick whispering, hissing even before Nick came back on the line, “My son Louis will come and pick him up.” More arguing on the other line before Nick said his goodbyes and hung up.
Angela walked back over to Niall who was wiping at his eyes, bravely looking down at the colors.
“Your brother Louis is coming.” She told him.
Niall looked up confused, “Louis is Harry’s brother though.” He explained, “He is always with Harry. He doesn’t care about me.”
Angela frowned and shook her head, “He does care. Harry just needs more looking after.” She never thought what it must have been like for Niall, seeing his twin brother in hospital beds, having him gone for days due to his illness. It never crossed her mind that Niall might have been suffering as well all these times that Harry was gone. He was always so happy.
Niall barely every frowned, was excited about anything. He would scream and gasp about all new things and he amazingly curious about everything around him. He cared for people and was compassionate, but never did she think of him as a sad child. Seeing Niall so small and curled up, trying to draw a smiling sun was the most heartbreaking thing Angela had ever had to deal with.
About half an hour later Louis came to the day care. Niall rushed to put his shoes and jacket on, Louis taking his bag and lunchbox without so much as a second glance in Niall’s direction. He thanked Angela before ushering the small four year old into the car.
“So, Liam and his friends will be home. I called him and told him it was okay for him to have friends over. I’ll drop you off there.” Louis told his younger brother.
Niall nodded, “So we don’t play?” He asked. He’d been excited at the idea of Louis picking him up, maybe it would give him some time to play with him, maybe Louis would finally pay attention to him. It was obvious that Louis didn’t care though. He never wanted to play with Niall.
“Not today. Harry needs me. Some other time.” He always said that, always promised another time, another day. He always broke his promises and Niall was slowly learning to never get his hopes up. He just wanted cuddles, a hug something from Louis, but the eldest only ever cared for Harry. If Niall would hurt himself no one would help him, go to the hospital with him…
Niall loved Harry, he really loved him. He was his twin, his second half, but sometimes Niall wished Harry would just be gone. Because of him Niall never got cuddles, or anything. It was terribly lonesome…
Once home, Louis helped Niall out of the car before opening the front door for the little kid. He put Niall’s day care stuff down and then walked to the living room where Liam and a few of his friends sat, window open, beer cans lying around, Bob Marley playing in the background.
“Watch Niall.” Was all Louis said, as though the small four year old was some burden on him. It hurt Niall to see Louis care so little for him, that Louis would rather have a drunk Liam watch the four year old than be there for him himself.
“Okay.” Liam stated, taking another sip of his beer, girl on his lap and nipping at his neck, giggling every other moment.
Louis rolled his eyes at his brother before ruffling Niall’s hair, “Don’t drink anything on the table.” He warned the four year old and off he went again.
“Niall go to your room.” Liam told the small boy who was about to sit down. Niall frowned and looked at the painting he had done in school for Harry. He should have given it to Louis, but Niall just felt so… heartbroken. He didn’t want Harry to have it anymore. Harry always got things, Niall never got anything unless it was Christmas and his birthday, but even then he had to share his attention with Harry. And Harry always got the better gifts.
Niall felt the tears, knew they were running down his small cheeks. He rushed out of the room and up the stairs to the room he shared with Harry. Harry had the bigger bed, the one that used to belong to Louis. Niall sometimes slept in that one when Harry wasn’t home, but Niall didn’t want to see anything from Harry, just wanted to be left alone…
The small boy curled up in his blankets, buried his face in his pillow and began to sob into it. His chest hurt so bad. It wasn’t the icky’s though it was different. It was like he remembered all the times Liam and Louis would just brush him off when he wanted to play or do anything with them. All the times the two would just forget him and leave him behind.
He knew all the times when Harry wanted to play though, they’d jump at the chance to color with him, even if Niall had asked a mere ten minutes before. It wasn’t fair. Niall wished he was sick. Wanted to be sick so he wold be loved too. It was only Harry, always had been, and Niall wasn’t loved like him.
Niall could hear the laughter come from downstairs, knew that Liam was having fun with his friends, but Niall was hungry. He didn’t know if he was allowed to go downstairs or if Liam would just brush him off. He wanted his brother to like him, to play with him.
“Niall!” Liam called up the stairs, slightly buzzed, not to mention the high he was riding from the weed that him, Jonah and Jared had smoked a while back, “Food!” He really didn’t want to ignore Niall, but he also didn’t want to expose him to the ‘evils’ of teenage life just yet.
Niall came down the stairs, almost tripping over his tiny feet making the fourteen year old chuckle and escort the small boy to the kitchen, making sure to keep the living room door closed.
Liam quickly made some Kraft Dinner, then sent Niall back to his room. He wanted to go back to his friends, wanted some more weed, maybe some alcohol. He knew Niall would listen to him, the boy always did.
Zayn was fed up. He had gotten a call from Louis not too long ago, telling him to go home and see if Niall was okay, because apparently Liam was having some of his dumber friends over and Liam was in charge of watching the four year old.
Zayn knew Niall, knew how curious he was and so did Liam. He knew that the fourteen year old could care less about responsibility, hell Zayn had been the same way at his age, but when his baby brother was home, Zayn made sure not to smoke weed and drink…
“Da hell Liam?!” Zayn hissed, grabbing his brother by the collar of his shirt, “Niall is upstairs and you’re down here smoking god damn weed?”
Liam rolled his eyes, bloodshot and pupils dilated from the illegal substance, “You smoke all the time too. Don’t be some angel.” He giggled and Zayn only shoved him away before making his way up the stairs. Zayn was dead tired, had a grueling practice, lots of running and conditioning, but he knew he had to check on his brother.
Zayn was just as mad at Louis. Sure, the boy loved Harry, it was obvious, but he had no time or respect for his twin. Louis had been the one to take Niall home, had seen the condition Liam and his friends were in, but he didn’t stay to watch Niall, no, he left him. Zayn was ready to punch both his brothers out if it would continue like this.
He knocked on the door and let himself in, seeing the blinds closed and Niall lying in bed, half eaten macaroni and cheese beside his bed, stuffed bunny under his arm, tears running down his face. It broke Zayn to see his brother like this. He wished he’d had more time wasn’t so tired always, but he had school and basketball to deal with and he wanted a scholarship for university. He needed one.
“Hey kitten!” Zayn smiled and walked over, sitting on his brothers bed.
Niall whined and hid his face in his pillow, curling away from Zayn. Zayn frowned and ran his fingers through his brothers brown hair, fingers tickling over his freckled neck, “Sorry I didn’t get you at daycare.” Zayn apologized, “Want to tell me what you did today?”
Niall shook his head, “I drew.” He whispered and pointed in a general direction where a painting was on the ground.
Zayn walked over and picked it up, looking at the colorful smiling faces and at the top he read ‘Get Well Soon Harry’. Zayn smiled and walked back to Niall, who turned back to look at Zayn, blue eyes red and filled with tears.
“Zayn..?” Niall whispered and looked at his older brother.
Zayn nodded and encouraged his brother to keep talking.
“It hurts… my chest.” Niall frowned, “Not icky like Harry, but it hurts.” His lip wobbled and he bit down on it, small fists coming to wipe at his eyes, “It makes me cry…” He whimpered.
Zayn frowned and reached over, pulling Niall into his lap and rocking the boy back and forth, running his fingers through his brothers hair, kissing the top of it over and over again, hearing the heart wrenching sobs from the small boy over and over again, begging his brother to make the pain in his chest go away.
Heartbreak. Niall was too young to understand, too young to even feel something so terrible, but Zayn knew that was what Niall was talking about and Zayn was ready to deck both his brothers for making Niall feel so terrible. He wanted to slap himself for treating Niall badly as well, but sometimes he just got to Zayn… he still loved him though, more than anything.
Niall had cried himself out and fallen asleep on Zayn’s lap. The older boy wrapped a blanket around little Niall and kissed the top of his head before walking back down where Liam and his friends were still drinking and laughing, movie playing in the background that no one was actually watching.
“Alright, all of you leave.” Zayn was livid, seeing Liam’s friends smoke another dubey in the house, no respect for other people’s property at all.
“Louis said I can have people over. You can’t kick them out.” Liam laughed from his spot on the couch, girl back on his lap, his hand dangerously low on her bum.
“Well Louis’ isn’t here so I’m in charge and I say out. So fuck all of you and leave the house and take your shitty cheap weed with you.”
Fifteen minutes everyone was gone and Zayn was helping Liam clean up after his dumbass friends. Zayn was still fuming, but he decided it would have to wait until the living room stopped reeking of weed and booze.
“What’s your problem. Eh Zayn? You’re never here, you don’t give a damn either about the kid.” Liam growled and prowled past his brother.
“Liam, just shut the fuck up. Niall was crying upstairs talking about heartbreak!” Zayn exclaimed making his brother stop dead in his tracks and stare back at Zayn. Both looked awkwardly at one another, before collapsing onto their, now clean, couch.
“You’re an asshole.” Zayn concluded, looking over to Liam who bit his lip and shrugged.
Later in the night, all three were sleeping, their dad had come home from work and gone straight to bed, knowing he’d be spending his Saturday in a hospital, quite uncomfortable. Of course he checked to see all three boys sleeping in their beds before going to sleep himself.
Louis and Nick were both still in the hospital, staying with Harry. The doctors and staff knew them by then, the past four years all of them. Harry had gotten better over the course of the day, but he would have to do a few more tests the next day, to make sure everything was alright. It was relieving to know Harry would be fine, just the same amount of medication and cuddles and he’d be as good as new.
Louis had been angry, very angry with Nick for making him leave Harry. He never wanted to, wanted to stay with the curly haired boy for as long as possible and make sure everything was okay.
In the middle of the night, Niall woke with a start, his heart racing and everything spinning. He felt gross in sweaty clothes, his limbs heavy and his breathing laboured. Small blue eyes searched the room for any light, but he was only met with darkness. He hated the pressing darkness.
He rushed in the direction he thought the door was, had to get to daddy or Zayn. He didn’t like this darkness, it was swallowing him whole. He hated being in the dark, Liam made fun of him for it, but Niall just couldn’t take the darkness swallowing him whole. He hated not seeing where he was going.
Of course in his panic Niall went into the wrong door, ripped it open and ran through, only to rush into a wall, face smacking against the hard thing and falling over, making the door fall shut behind him. A few more rumbles and Niall was alone, in a closet in the dark, heart racing, eyes wide and looking around.
Niall sat still for a moment, blue eyes teary and wide, breathing heavily. The small boy couldn’t hear anything but his thundering heartbeat, over and over again it made him want to choke. He rushed forward, where he knew the door was, but it wouldn’t budge, something having fallen and now trapping the small boy in the closet.
Niall couldn’t handle it, he freaked out and began to pummel his small fists against the wood, shouting and sobbing for someone to come and get him, but his room was the furthest away from anyone else. He was all alone in this dark closet where monsters lived and Zayn hadn’t checked for any before the boy fell asleep.
That sent Niall into a further panic, made him cry and sob louder, shouting over and over for someone to save him, to get him. He felt it, the darkness creeping behind him, breathing down his neck, its slimy fingers gripping him and holding him tightly, but Niall didn’t want to go with the darkness, just wanted someone to come and care for him, to hug him and love him.
It was Liam, who had woken up to go and take a piss that heard the commotion in Niall’s room. He quirked and eyebrow, slightly sick from the alcohol and marijuana before. He scratched his belly and yawned when opening the door.
A large stack of books had fallen in front of the closet door, that had been the loud thud Liam heard before and what had woken him up, only to turn to his phone and text a few people, then to get up and pee.
He heard Niall shout, beg for someone to come and that was when Liam noticed that Niall wasn’t in his bed. His rabbit was tossed aside, forgotten, something Niall never did unless he was in a hurry.
Liam zeroed in on the closet and rushed over to open it, getting Niall out. The small boy practically jumped at Liam, face red and sobbing into his brothers chest, small body quaking in fear.
Liam had never seen Niall like this, so freaked out and hysterical. He was sobbing and gripping tightly to his brother, while Liam rocked his small body a little, humming and trying to calm him down. Of course Niall’s crying woke up the rest of the people in the house, Zayn and John rushing into the room only moments later.
“Why are you crying kitten?” Zayn hummed.
Niall didn’t answer just continued to sob.
John frowned and grabbed the small boy from Liam, carrying him over to his room. Zayn took the stuffed bunny and gave it to their father who looked quite shaken by Niall’s behavior.
“You guys go to sleep.” He told the older boys.
Neither Zayn nor Liam could sleep. Niall was always happy, loud and energetic. He didn’t do hysterical. He never sobbed like that, as though someone was tugging at him and just forcing him into a situation he didn’t want to be forced into.
“He was in that closet… you know he hates the dark.” Liam shuddered, “And I made fun of him for it a while back.”
Zayn frowned and nodded, “Poor him… he’s had a rough day yesterday too.”
John held the still shaking Niall who was curled up on his chest, short brown hair tickling his neck, but the older man didn’t care. He knew that Niall suffered under all the attention Harry was getting and he knew that Niall had seriously been frightened in that closet and in the dark. Niall always hated dark, small spaces and being trapped in one only added to that fright.
“Daddy?” Niall hiccupped.
“Yeah Kitten?” John mused running his fingers through Niall’s hair.
“Why don’t Louis love me?” Niall looked so broken, so alone and so sad, “Liam always laughs at me… and you and pap are always with Harry. Why do you love him more?” Niall whimpered.
John frowned. He knew that Harry was a hand full, constant hospital visits, having all the attention on him. Niall had been so happy all his life, so excited about everything and yet they’d thought he was good on his own, when he really only ever needed a parent there for him, someone to hold him when he got scared as well. None of the older men thought about the ache Niall felt.
“We don’t love him more Nialler.” John whispered, a tear running down his own cheek at the realization of what terrible parents they’d been to little Niall all this time, “We love you just as much…”
Niall only nodded, closing his eyes, reveling in the warmth of his daddy’s embrace. He let himself go back to sleep and dream of a happier family.
The next morning, John rushed to the hospital, leaving Niall with Liam and Zayn once more, but Harry was being released that day, so John wanted to be there. He also needed to talk to his husband about Niall and what had transpired that night.
“Hey.” Nick leaned up and kissed his husband, Louis talking to Harry, the two laughing and poking at one another with good fun. It was nice to see Harry back to his strength.
“Hey…” John trailed off, sitting next to his husband, hands intertwining, “You wouldn’t believe what happened last night.” Nick looked confused, Louis also peeking over, listening in on their conversation, “I get home and everyone is in bed already-,”
“That is a miracle it was Friday!” Louis chimed in, making Harry giggle and curl into his brothers side.
“Yeah…” John smiled softly at the two brothers, “Well in the middle of the night, Niall somehow managed to lock himself in a closet and he was freaking out. He thinks we don’t love him.” John concluded.
“How did he lock himself in a closet?” Louis chuckled, playing with Harry’s curls, “What a dum-dum Niall sometimes is.” He added on and tickled Harry who burst into another fit of giggles.
John sighed, looking to Nick, anger obvious in his posture. Nick didn’t understand though. So Niall had been freaked out and they had left him alone, but that hadn’t warranted a reaction from the small boy so extreme.
“He’s probably doing it for some attention. I mean we’ve been busy with Harry lately. No child his age thinks like that.” Nick mused.
John didn’t know what to say. Louis and Nick both hadn’t been there to see or hear how heartbroken their youngest son was. Niall was the youngest, he had been born hours after Harry, and even if Harry was weaker, Niall was still the smaller of the two.
“So when do we take Harry home?”
Liam was making breakfast. He decided to make some eggs for Zayn, Niall and himself. Their dad had gone to the hospital early enough to go and get Harry who was being released that day.
Niall tentatively walked into the kitchen, followed by Zayn who had clothed the little boy in a slightly too big sleeveless shirt, as well as some swimming shorts and one of Zayn’s smaller snapbacks. The hat kept falling into Niall’s eyes, making the boy giggle quietly, but they knew something was off with Niall.
The three ate quietly. Niall wanted to tell them all about his morning, but Zayn had been there to help him take a bath and get dressed, and Niall didn’t want to annoy his brothers. He tended to do so more often and he wanted a good morning. The food was great though so he ate as much as his small belly could handle.
“So how about we go into the pool today? It’s nice and warm out.” Zayn asked happily.
Niall cheered, Liam rolled his eyes but smiled fondly as well. The two brothers didn’t know how long their patience for Niall would last, but both decided to go with it. He hadn’t had the best night and the two just wanted to see him smile and run around.
All three boys got into their pool, Zayn and Liam teaching Niall how to paddle from one to another, teaching him to swim, until the boy got too tired.
Niall loved this, they were paying attention to him, his family actually wanted him around for once. He kept on paddling between his brothers, laughing when one of them would dunk the other or spray water. It made Niall want to splash around as well, kicking his feet he made water splash at both older boys.
Half an hour later, Louis, Harry and their parents came home. Niall had just gotten out of the pool to run to the deeper end to jump in, just like he had seen Liam do moments before. Zayn was sitting on the edge of the pool, watching Liam and Niall play with one another, throwing a ball towards his baby brother every now and again, Niall having reverted back to using his floaties.
Louis and Harry walked onto the small terrace beside the house, when Niall ran over to the deeper end, slipping on the concrete and scratching his elbow open. He sat there, stunned for a moment before running over to Zayn sobbing about his bloody elbow.
Louis rolled his eyes and looked down at the crying Niall. The oldest had Harry perched on his hip, the small curly haired boy looking on with longing at the pool, wanting to join his brothers in the fun.
“It’s just a scratch Niall. Don’t need to go running to Zayn every time.” Louis scolded the small blue eyed boy.
Louis hadn’t had much sleep, too worried about Harry. When Louis didn’t get sleep anything would set him off. If his room wasn’t in order he would rage, if something wasn’t written correctly he’d go off on it and this afternoon it seemed Niall had cried a little too loud for the young man’s liking.
Niall frowned, tears still rolling down his cheek, Zayn putting an arm around Niall, “Louis stop being an arse.” Zayn mumbled and kissed Niall on the forehead.
Harry wiggled out of his brothers grasp and rushed towards Liam who was getting out of the water.
“Hey pup!” Liam cheered, lifting harry up and swinging him around.
Niall looked over, realizing that he never got a greeting like that from Liam. Liam only ever told him to go places. Niall never got carried, always had to walk and yet it was like Harry wasn’t allowed to touch the ground. It hurt and made Niall’s chest ache once more, made him burrow deeper into Zayn.
“You’re all better I see!” Liam cheered, then handed Harry back to Louis.
“Zaynie! Harry exclaimed and demanded to be brought over to Zayn.
Zayn smiled and held onto Harry, in the process letting go of Niall, but the smaller boy was used to it. Harry was more important he was sick, he needed to be held and taken care of, but Niall wanted some cuddles too, especially from Louis. Harry always bragged about how great cuddles from Louis were and yet Niall never got any cuddles.
Niall sat down on the edge of the pool, his toes touching the water. He kept his eyes down and looked over to see Harry climbing all over Zayn who chuckled at the small curly haired boy.
Niall would have gotten screamed at if he’d been climbing over Zayn. He wouldn’t have been allowed…
“Come on boys time for lunch!” John walked over, picking up Harry, while all the other kids walked into the kitchen, Liam holding the door for Niall who rushed to his seat. He sat down next to Harry, who grinned at his twin, “I’m all better!”
Niall couldn’t help but grin. Harry always made him happy. If Harry was there, that meant he had someone to play with, someone to listen to him. Someone who wouldn’t get mad at him for being annoying, because Harry was his second half.
They had spaghetti which was Harry’s favorite. Niall knew it was and Hazzy just seemed to light up at the sight of the food. He cheered, making everyone chuckle around the table. Niall frowned. If he’d cheered like that he’d have gotten scolded, but not Harry… never Harry.
Lunch went fine, Niall ate his food, helped Liam clean up, another thing Harry never had to do. He never had to help with dishes, never had to do chores.
“Niall, what did you do to your room?” Nick asked, seeing the mess of books lying all over the floor. The books that had made Niall stay stuck in the evil dark closet. Just looking at it made Niall shiver. It was as though the monsters were still in there, breathing for him to get back to them so they could continue their torture on the tiny boy.
“You’ve got to clean it up.” Niall frowned and nodded, picking up all his books, while Harry just sat on his bed, playing with Louis who didn’t let him out of his sight. Louis and Harry, always and never would Louis so much as look at Niall. It broke the small boys’ heart to know that he was worth nothing in his big brother’s eyes.
“Lou..?” Niall tentatively asked him, since he couldn’t reach the top of the bookshelf where some of the books belonged, “I can’t reach.”
Louis nodded and quickly walked over to Niall helping him with the books that had to go higher up in the shelf before making his way back over to Harry who was sitting on his bed and pouting, since Louis hadn’t been paying attention to him.
Harry smirked and let out a weak sounding cough, Louis was next to him within seconds, running his fingers through his little brothers hair and just cooing over the small boy.
Niall frowned, he never wanted to take Louis away, he just couldn’t reach the shelf. He didn’t understand why Louis was always being so mean to him, why he was playing with him sometimes and why he couldn’t just share Louis.
“Also clean the closet.” Nick walked past the room, some laundry in a basket.
Niall gulped looked at the shadows before his eyes moved to Louis and Harry who were looking at something on Louis’ iPad. Niall didn’t want to seem weak, he needed to be strong since Harry needed a strong brother. Even if he was scared.
Niall walked into the closet, which was a total mess by then and closed his eyes. He felt it, the same feeling of no air gripping him. He didn’t want to be in the closet, what if the door fell closed once more. Niall was so scared, so so scared, of all the possibilities that could happen in the dark closet.
His small shaking hands grabbed some of the clothes that had fallen, he took calming breaths, but nothing worked. His pulse was hammering, he couldn’t hear anything but the rushing of his blood in his ears.
Niall let out an ear curdling scream, hands over his small ears, rocking himself. The darkness and small space was too much. He didn’t want to be in the closet, it could fall closed all over again and Niall didn’t want to be hurt once more.
Louis jumped, as well as Harry. Never before had the oldest heard such a scream from Niall, filled with pure fright. He rushed over and found Niall rocking himself back and forth in the corner of the closet, eyes closed shut, whimpering and crying.
The oldest pulled Niall out of there and into his chest, picking him up. Niall just held onto him tightly, breathing heavily. Niall had never acted like this before, he was always strong and happy, not broken and crying like this. Louis heard him mutter about monsters over and over again, his own eyes looking at the small boy.
“Lou..?” Harry asked from the bed, the curly haired boy, confused as to why Niall was crying like that.
All other members of the family rushed into the room, seeing Niall sob into his brothers neck.
“Zayyyyn.” Niall whined, wanting to be cuddled by Zayn. He wanted Zayn. He needed his brother. Louis didn’t want Niall, so Niall didn’t want Louis. He wanted Zayn who had comforted him, who played with him and drew with him.
It stung. Louis never thought that something like this would affect him, but seeing Niall lean over towards his younger brother, want comfort from him, instead of from Louis. It hurt. It was then that Louis realized what a terrible brother he’d been to Niall, always leaving him with others, only thinking of Harry.
Louis swallowed thickly, eyes not leaving Zayn and Niall. Zayn was bouncing the sobbing boy a little, kissing his temple and rubbing his back, all the things Louis would have done, but Niall hadn’t wanted him, he’d wanted Zayn…
Louis sighed and sat down next to Harry everyone else leaving.
“Now you know how Niall has felt all this time.” Zayn hissed at his older brother, taking Niall with him and into his room to calm him down.