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"John, wake up," Sherlock demanded, but John wasn't sure he wanted to respond to the man just yet.
John rolled over, he was going to pretend he was sleeping even if Sherlock knew he was faking. He knew Sherlock would remain seated at the foot of the bed with the computer in his lap for a good, long while. Hell, he might even be able to hold out longer just sitting there than the doctor could pretend sleeping, but he was willing to try.
"John, WAKE up!" This time Sherlock's demand was accompanied by emphasis on the word 'wake' and he even raised his eyebrows up into his hairline. He meant business or, at the very least, he meant to cause irritation to his flatmate.
John sat up slowly. "Okay, I'll bite, what's going on?"
Sherlock took a deep breath. "Irene ran off with Moriarty after the birth of her son, my baby, but she left the baby with me. One night, Moriarty attacked me and turned me into a Vampire. Then, I got really hungry and the thirst was too strong so I ended up turning you into a Vampire so that I would not be tempted to drink you dry. You ended up falling in love with me because I was a Vampire detective.
"After we got married I decided to quit my job so that I could take care of my son, Ben. We were very happy as two sparkly, immortal creatures, but that was not quite satisfying enough. I invited Molly to move in with us so we had help taking care of our children. Yes, I said children. That is because after we were married we adopted a total of six children. The first three were: Hamish, Victoria Lee, and Katrina.
"Then, I went to the local elixir shop because you know how bored I get and I bought something that allowed me to clone myself. The clone, he was very emotional and had no desire to continue his knowledge in logic or learn the art of deduction so I was not able to send him to Lestrade as a full time employee, ran off with Molly and they had three children of their own.
"If that was not insane enough, I had spent so many of my nights searching the galaxy for new stars, and no you are not allowed to crack one of your solar system jokes right now, that I attracted aliens to our home. They abducted you the day before our fourth child was to be brought home. His name was Tiberius since you insisted that Star Trek was the proper place to search for baby names when a couple had as many children as we did. When you returned, you were very distant and didn't want to talk about it. Our relationship wasn't ever really smoothed out until you bought a hospital and named it in honor of your late wife, Mary.
"By this time our little Hamish was a teenager and my son with Irene had married a witch named Marnie. Everything was as normal as it could be between two male Vampires. Children five and six came into our lives, a set of fraternal twins, Tara and AnnMarie, they were Asian.
"More recently, the two of us had been spending time watching crap American telly like The Big Bang Theory and See Dad Run. We also worked on solving the unsolvable for anyone who would deal with us long enough for us to complete our task. However, as usual, I got bored. I began trying to contact the aliens that abducted you again. This time it was I who was abducted. When the aliens returned me home, it turned out that I was pregnant with an alien baby. Now we are trying to deal with the fact that I am pregnant."
"What the hell are you talking about, Sherlock? Are you high?" John asked after the rant seemed to be over.
"What? No. I messed up the game, the one you told me to try playing when I was bored."
"Oh thank god that you came in to wake me up because you messed up my game. I knew I shouldn't have let you play it. Damn." John said, rolling his eyes for extra effect.
"Really?"
"No, if it is that bad it can always be deleted,"
Sherlock shoved the laptop to the side. He shook his head as he began to cough lightly, turned out his mouth was a bit dry after all of the talking he had been doing. What was really annoying though, was that John had not caught the main part of the story. He had not grasped the only real reason that Sherlock had bothered to say anything.
"I am really sorry that you are an idiot," Sherlock groaned.
"I'm really okay with you calling me and idiot because I know that you haven't gone completely off the deep end," John yawned.
"Ga! Seriously!?" Sherlock slammed the computer shut and left the bedroom, hiding the beginnings of a fit he was about to throw.
John thought about the story revolving around the simulation game. He couldn't help, but laugh at the whole thing and how totally absurd the bulk of it was. He did enjoy the part where they fell in love and had all of those children. In real life they had slept together only once and it was mostly by drunk accident. That was almost a month and a half ago.
That was when it hit him. There was a hidden message in Sherlock's game life rant. It was all very obvious now, however, it was also very odd. It was supposed to be impossible, unless there was some sort of genetic mutation or reaction to the use of drugs or even a combination of the two. Heck, it could have been because of something Sherlock's mother took during her pregnancy. At least, if it was the last option, it would explain why he was so off all of the time.
Now John had realised that he had two choices in the matter. One, he could go back to sleep and worry about this whole thing later. Two, he could get up and address the situation head on. If he were to choose the latter he could always use that moment to confess his true feelings and tell Sherlock that he loved him in the process. Either way, it was going to be weird.
"What do we do now?" John asked, now standing across from the chair that Sherlock's body was draped over.
"I had assumed that the doctor would have had more insight that that since it took you so long to understand what I was saying rather clearly," Sherlock groaned at the churning in his stomach. It had been getting progressively worse over the past few days and he knew it was only the beginning.
"Well, we could actually name our child Hamish," John suggested.
"Hmm, I was actually thinking of something more along the lines of Cooper or Bernadette."
John scrunched up his face in reaction to the names. "Are you really okay with all of this?" He paused for just a split second. "Love?"
"Yes, I am. It will be a personal experiement that will hopefully end positively...love?"
"That is what I called you, Sherlock, good to see you are still paying attention," John laughed.
After Sherlock remained silent John moved closer. He leaned down, placing one hand on Sherlock's stomach and the other on the back of his head. He gave him a light kiss on the forehead and took the seat across from him.
"You are silly, John," Sherlock mumbled.
"Ya know, in all of that story you never did tell me what happened to Mycroft? Or was he not in the game?"
"Well...." And Sherlock began, game rant full swing once more.
The End?