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Zayn sat quietly sipping his drink alone at a table. Harry was somewhere off at the bar ordering another drink and Liam and Niall had left a few moments earlier wanting to get home and do their own New Years Eve traditions. Zayn’s eyes were on Louis who was on the dance floor moving like he owned the place. Zayn had wanted to leave with Niall and Liam but Louis had convinced him to stick around longer and party after all New Years Eve only came once a year and the slightly shorter boy didn’t want to waste it sitting around his and Zayn’s apartment.
Zayn’s eyes widened when he noticed a man making his way over to Louis and tapping the blue eyed boy on the shoulder Zayn couldn’t help but chuckle the poor guy didn’t stand a chance with his Louis. That’s just how Zayn and Louis worked Zayn hated dancing so when he wasn’t dancing with his boyfriend men would come up to Louis and proposition him and Louis would always turn them down. Zayn thought their situation was black and white but as he watched the man start to grind against Louis Zayn could see the grey areas that made him feel jealous and uncomfortable. Zayn quickly sprang to his feet and begun walking over to Louis on the dance floor.
“Excuse me mate.” Zayn said politely at first but as the man ignored him Zayn could feel the anger bubbling up inside of himself. Who the hell did this guy think he was coming between him and Louis? “I said excuse me I think it’s best you fucking move.” Zayn said more forcefully causing the guy to take a step away from Louis and look at Zayn shocked. It was obvious that the guy had had a few too many drinks but Zayn didn’t care.
“You can piss off.” The man spat before turning back to Louis who looked like a deer caught in head lights. Louis took two steps away from the man and two steps closer to Zayn knowing exactly who’s side he was going to be on if things got physical. It wouldn’t be the first time Louis and Zayn had gotten into a fight at a club and it certainly wouldn’t be the last time knowing the two.
“Oh I can piss off? You’ve got the wrong one. I’m not a guy that you want to fuck with.” Zayn challenges the stranger with more venom in his tone than ever. Before Zayn has time to think about what he’s doing he’s pulling his jacket off revealing his array of tattoos and handing the jacket to Louis. Louis quickly takes Zayn’s jacket knowing exactly what was about to go down.
“Listen I don’t want any trouble, was just trying to dance.” The man said as he cautiously backed away from Zayn and Zayn couldn’t help but smirk. Zayn loved knowing that he could defend himself, Louis, and their relationship with ease.
“You’re done now.” Zayn said matter of factly dismissing the stranger completely. Without another word the man was walking away from Louis and Zayn and Zayn was turning to Louis peering at him. Louis just stood there innocently unsure of what he could have possibly done to get such a look from Zayn. Zayn was sure that Louis knew exactly what he had done and by the older boy playing innocent it just irked Zayn more.
“I’m going home.” Zayn spat at Louis and Louis just looked at his boyfriend shocked he didn’t see why Zayn would be upset with him it’s not like he did anything wrong. He had turned the guy down and in the guy’s drunken stupor he must not have understood the word no. Zayn didn’t bother to get Louis side of the story though he was hurt and annoyed and just wanted to go home more than he did when Liam and Niall left.
“But it’s not even twelve.” Louis protested but he knew not to push it with the look Zayn was giving him. Zayn wasn’t usually the jealous type but when he got jealous it was bad. Zayn was the type to take things to heart so when something really upset him he stayed upset for a while and refused to listen to reason no matter how much sense it made he just wanted to stay upset until he was ready to work through it.
“I’m leaving you can stay and go to Harry’s after to stay the night or you can come home with me now.” Zayn said as he took his jacket from Louis, pulled it over his shoulders, and put his arms through the sleeves. Louis pouted momentarily, it was New Year’s Eve and Zayn was ruining all the fun they were supposed to have. Louis knew better than to stay he knew it would only make things worse so he opted to go home with Zayn. Sleeping next to an angry Zayn was better than sleeping without the boy he loved so very much.
The two found Harry chatting up the bartender and let him know that they were leaving before heading out the door. Harry had raised a questioning eyebrow but Louis had shaken his head telling his friend to let it go and he would explain later. Zayn and Louis made their way home in complete silence. Once home Zayn and Louis went their separate ways Zayn heading for the living room to sit on the sofa and turn the television on and Louis heading to the kitchen to make himself and Zayn some tea hoping it would make his boyfriend feel better.
At first when Louis came out with the tea Zayn pretended not to see him his eyes focused on the television though he wasn’t really watching it. Louis huffed, placed his hands on his hips, and stuck out his bottom lip waiting for Zayn’s attention. Zayn’s resolve finally broke and he looked over to his pouting boyfriend and who the hell was Louis to look at Zayn like that like Zayn owed him something when Louis was the one that hurt Zayn in the first place. Zayn clenched his fists but kept them resting on the couch, he’d never hit Louis and he knew Louis would never hit him they never resorted to physical violence when it came to each other.
“I can’t believe you let that guy grind on you while I was sitting right there do you not have any shame or sense of loyalty?” Zayn said as he pointed an accusing finger at Louis and Louis’ face scrunched up into a hurt expression. He had been called a lot of things over the course of his life but disloyal was definitely not one of them.
“You’re calling me disloyal?” Louis huffed again this time out of frustration. If Zayn was thinking correctly he would have corrected himself and not let the argument go on any longer but Zayn wasn’t thinking correctly his mind was still clouded with jealousy, hurt, and anger.
“If the shoe fits wear it.” Zayn said as he threw his hands in the air out of frustration. Louis just looked at him and shook his head his boyfriend was acting like a complete jerk and yet he still loved him unconditionally. Louis didn’t know if only seeing the good in Zayn was a blessing or a flaw either way he wasn’t feeling too good about himself. There had to come to point where he’d stop excusing Zayn’s behavior and as far as he was concerned tonight he was at that point.
“You’re being ridiculous.” Louis snapped finally calling out his boyfriend on all of his nonsense. Zayn opened his mouth to say something but then quickly closed it noticing the tears that were beginning to form in Louis’ eyes. Louis quickly wiped them away and started walking to the bedroom he didn’t want Zayn to see him cry. Louis slammed the bedroom door closed behind himself. Zayn could hear Louis crying in the other room but he couldn’t bring himself to get up and comfort the tearful boy. Zayn focused on the television to drown out the sound of Louis crying.
“4, 3, 2, 1, HAPPY NEW YEAR. It’s officially 2014 what’s your New Year’s wish?” Bellowed out from the television and Zayn just rolled his eyes because his year had officially started off the shittiest way possible. He didn’t want to go out in the first place clearly it was Louis fault for wanting to go out. If they had just stayed in like Zayn wanted too then their year wouldn’t have started off so badly.
“I wish for time alone.” Zayn muttered at the television before turning it off with a click of the remote control. Zayn laid back on the sofa his body weight casing him to sink into the cushions his eye lids were heavy with sleep and the guilt he felt for leaving Louis to cry alone in the bedroom. He almost convinced himself to get up and check on his boyfriend but his body was so tired that it stayed in place on the sofa. Zayn could feel himself drifting off into sleep and he did nothing to fight it he told himself things will be better tomorrow that he’ll fix things with Louis and everything will be okay.
When Zayn woke up his whole body felt stiff from sleeping on the sofa, it wasn’t the large comfy bed that he was used too. He stretches his muscles and stands up he looks in the direction of his and Louis’ bedroom but decides to head to the kitchen instead. Zayn decides that Louis would be more likely to forgive him if he surprised the sleeping boy with breakfast in bed. So Zayn whips up a few eggs with toast and some orange juice Zayn balances the tray of food in one hand and the news paper in the other knowing that when Louis wakes up he likes to give the news paper a look over because he liked to stay informed on what’s going on in the world around them. Zayn would tease him and tell him that he was just nosey but Louis never took it to heart and continued to read the paper every morning.
Zayn opened the bedroom door expecting to find his loving boyfriend sleeping in their bed but there was no one. The bed looked like it hadn’t been slept in and Louis wasn’t one for making the bed so Zayn could only assume that Louis went over to Harry’s to spend the night after he had fallen asleep on the sofa. Zayn was a bit hurt that Louis had left without a note or a goodbye but Zayn quickly reminded himself that last night he was the one in the wrong. Setting the tray of food and the news paper down on the bedside table Zayn pulled out his cell phone and dialed Louis’ number. He knew the number by heart he had memorized it within days of Louis’ giving to him years ago. Zayn was expecting to hear Louis’ sleepy voice on the other end or at least his voice mail but what he heard instead caused a worried feeling to ripple through Zayn’s body. “The number you have reached is no longer in service please hang up and try your call again.” Zayn closed his cell phone he couldn’t believe that Louis would disconnect his number or maybe his phone was just broken Zayn hoped for the latter.
Zayn took the tray of food back out to the kitchen and left the news paper where it was. He sat in the kitchen eating alone feeling terrible about the night before. He had made Louis cry and even worse he did nothing to make the boy who he loved feel better. Zayn felt like an inconsiderate monster he knew the only way to make things better would be to go to Harry’s and beg Louis to forgive him in person. So Zayn finished his breakfast, took a shower, and get dressed hoping that Louis would be a much better person than Zayn was the night before. After all it was ironic that Zayn would be asking Louis to understand when he was the one to refuse to understand his boyfriend’s side of the story the night before and Zayn knew it.
Zayn nervously stood in front of Harry’s front door. He wondered if he even deserved Louis’ forgiveness and if he should just go home and wait for Louis to come back to him. Zayn shook his head knowing that that was the easy way out and Louis deserved better. Zayn knocked on Harry’s front door and patiently waited for someone to answer. If it was Louis and he was still mad he’d probably close the door right in Zayn’s face but if it was Harry the slightly younger boy would let him in he would give Zayn a chance so Zayn hoped for Harry. Zayn let out a sigh of relief when Harry answered the door though he was only in his boxers Zayn was still happy to see his friend.
“Hi can I help you?” Harry asked standing in the door way and Zayn smiled at his friend. Harry sounded so serious but he had to have known why Zayn was there Louis would always go to Harry’s when he and Zayn got into little tiffs. Even though it didn’t happen often it still happened and Harry was always prepared for it.
“You twat you know why I’m here.” Zayn laughed, he reached out to give Harry a playful shove but Harry stepped away from him. A concentrated look came across Harry’s face.
“Did I bring you back to mine last night? Did you forget something when you left, maybe your phone number?” Harry waggled his eye brows at Zayn and Zayn felt nauseous. Was Harry really hitting on him? Harry was his boyfriend’s best friend and the idea of doing anything with Harry in a romantic or sexual manner just grossed Zayn out.
“Don’t be disgusting Harry I’m with Louis.” Zayn said as he ran a hand through his still damp hair. Zayn took a deep breath as he tried to process the situation Harry was acting extremely weird even more so than usual.
“If you cheated on your boyfriend with me then don’t send him my way it’s not my fault it’s your own.” Harry said as he looked at Zayn sternly. Zayn had been there before when angry boyfriends showed up at Harry’s door so he knew where his friend was coming from he just didn’t know why he was saying it to him.
“Read my lips mate we have never and will never sleep together god you’re being so weird.” Zayn placed his hands on his hips as he stood facing Harry. Harry bit his lower lip out of confusion trying to figure out why Zayn was at his door.
“Right so what did you need then?” Harry asked after a moment of silence. Zayn’s eyes went wide, if Harry was messing with him then he was doing a very good very convincing job of it.
“I came here to see Louis. Did he come here last night?” Zayn asked feeling so unsure of himself and the situation. Something in the pit of Zayn’s stomach was screaming that something was wrong but Zayn tried to ignore it.
“I’m sorry I don’t know who that is and I don’t know who you are. Maybe you have the wrong place?” Harry interjected trying to be helpful. Zayn just looked at Harry with a dumbfounded look on his face. Harry had to know who Louis was they’d been friends forever and he and Zayn had been friends for a few years. Zayn went to say something but Harry was closing the door and with that the curly haired boy was gone. Zayn just stood looking at Harry’s closed front door for a few moments before walking away completely confused about what had just happened.
Zayn drove to Liam and Niall’s flat he needed someone to help make sense of everything and Liam was the most sensible out of their group of friends. Sitting in Liam and Niall’s living room Zayn thought over the conversation he had just had with Harry. Surely Liam would be able to make sense of it.
“. . .And he acted like he didn’t even know who Louis was or who I was. It was so strange Li.” Zayn finished his long winded explanation of the conversation he had had and Liam looked at him puzzled. Liam could rationalize anything and for him to look puzzled it scared Zayn.
“Just one question to start with, who’s Harry?” Liam asked as he learned forward giving Zayn all his attention despite the cute Irish boy sitting next to him.
“Who’s Louis?’ Niall added, Zayn looked at his friends confused.
“You guys know Louis he’s my boyfriend and Harry we’ve all hung out with him several times he was like the last missing piece to our group of friends.” Zayn said he was shaken and felt sick to his stomach. If everyone was playing a joke on him it wasn’t funny anymore not that it was funny to begin with.
“I’m telling you Z I’ve never heard of Louis or Harry before. Are you okay? Did you drink too much last night? Niall go get Zayn a glass of water.” Liam said making Niall leave the living room and head for the kitchen.
“You have to know who Louis is he’s the one that finally got you and Niall together.” Zayn said with a hand on his chin thinking over the situation. Liam coughed wildly and looked at Zayn bug eyed.
“Ni and I aren’t together. So let me get this straight you went someone’s house who didn’t even know you to look for your boyfriend who doesn’t exist who supposedly got Niall and I together which didn’t happen?” Liam said as he looked to the kitchen hoping Niall couldn’t hear their conversation. Zayn followed Liam’s eyes and shook his head. Niall came back in the room and handed Zayn a tall cold glass of water before taking his seat back by Liam’s side.
“When you put it like that it sounds crazy but I swear it’s all true Louis does exist and so does Harry and what I told you before is true.” Zayn admitted as he took a sip of his water. Liam thought everything over for a moment before opening his mouth to speak.
“Maybe something happened last night? What did you do after we left the party?” Liam asked concerned that something bad had happened to one of his best friends. Zayn thought about the guy at the club, he thought about going home with Louis and getting into a fight.
“I went home with Lou, we fought, and I wished for some time alone before falling asleep on the sofa. Oh shit maybe that’s it. Maybe my wish came true holy shit I think I fucked everything up I mean it makes sense without Louis I would have never have met Harry and that thing I told you about would have never happened if it wasn’t for Louis. Oh god.” Zayn quickly clasped his hands over his mouth out of shock and Liam looked at him even more concerned than he was before.
“There’s no such thing as wishes Zayn they never come true.” Liam said trying to talk some sense into his friend. Zayn just sat there silently trying to process everything. He realized that his wish coming true was the only good explanation and that he was living in a world where it was like Louis never existed. The idea made Zayn shake down to his core.
“Sure they do. I wish for a lot of stuff and sometimes it happens.” Niall said whimsically and Liam could feel his heart beating erratically, Niall was just too cute sometimes.
“That’s not wishes coming true that’s just dumb luck,” Liam said matter of factly and Niall frowned.
“Luck, wishes, it’s all the same really. Sometimes it happens and sometimes it doesn’t. I believe you Zayn.” Niall said as he smiled to Zayn but Zayn just sat there feeling like a fish without water he felt like he couldn’t get enough air in his lungs like all the air in the world still wouldn’t be enough.
“I need some air.” Zayn said as he got up and walked out of Liam and Niall’s flat. He collapsed against the outside wall of the flat. Breathing heavily Zayn tried to take in as much oxygen as possible though a lack of oxygen wasn’t his real problem his real problem was coming to terms with the fact that the one thing (the only thing) that he needed was gone.
Zayn spent the next two week in bed and sulking around his and Louis’ shared flat. He felt like he was going through the worst break up of his life, one that he refused to accept. Surely if he waited Louis would magically come back eventually right? All Zayn had been doing was waiting, he barely ate and he barely slept and he never left the flat. It wasn’t until Zayn’s birthday that he finally left, Niall and Liam had dragged him out to some restaurant and then back to theirs for some cake. Zayn didn’t feel much like celebrating without Louis around. As Niall lit the candles on Zayn’s birthday cake Zayn wondered how many more birthdays he’d have to spend without Louis, the idea made him cringe.
“Make a wish!” Niall said happily as he put the cake down in front of Zayn with it’s candles ablaze. Suddenly it hit Zayn if he had wished Louis away then maybe he could wish his boyfriend back. Zayn tried his hardest to blow out all of his birthday candles with one blow so his wish would come true. He couldn’t help but smile when he was successful.
“What did you wish for?” Liam asked as he began pulling the melted candles off of the cake and placed them on a separate plate.
“Louis.” Zayn breathed and Liam did all he could to stop himself from rolling his eyes. He didn’t know how long he was supposed to play along with the whole Zayn having a nonexistent boyfriend thing but it was getting old and he was really starting to worry about his friend’s mental health.
“Good wish.” Niall said encouragingly as he started cutting slices of cake for himself, Zayn, and Liam. Liam gave Niall a look saying not to encourage Zayn’s craziness and Zayn caught it but he chose to ignore Liam. For the first time in weeks he was happy. He couldn’t wait to go home and go to bed so he could wake up in the morning and see if his wish came true.
Zayn woke up the next morning in bed alone. He got up and looked around the flat making sure to check everywhere just in case Louis was hiding. When he couldn’t find the boy he loved Zayn was utterly crushed. His wish hadn’t come true but he wasn’t about to give up on wishing for Louis to come back.
Months passed and Zayn found himself down at the bar that he and Louis liked to go to every once in a while so often that he had become a regular. He tried to drink until he couldn’t remember Louis but most the time he ended up drinking until the memory of Louis was the only thing he could think of in his inebriated brain. One day when the bar was closed Zayn decided to go to his and Louis’ favorite diner. He hoped that if he went to the places that he and Louis used to go to that Louis would come walking back into his life. Sitting in a booth all by himself Zayn looked over the menu. He decided to order Louis’ favorite breakfast food despite it being late in the afternoon.
“Are you alone?” The waitress asked as she stood in front of Zayn and Zayn looked around the diner seeing groups of friends and couples and he was the only person without someone else.
“No I’m waiting for someone.” Which technically wasn’t a lie. The waitress looks at Zayn skeptically but lets it go. Zayn looked like an utter mess and she felt bad for him.
“Would you like me to take your order while you wait?” The waitress asked as she pulled out her little note pad and pen so she could write down the order. Zayn decided it’d be best to just give her the order now than to wait for someone who may never come.
“I’ll take an egg on toast with a glass of orange juice.” Zayn said, he would have been worried if he was anywhere else ordering breakfast food in the middle of the day but this diner was known for serving breakfast at any time. That was one of the reasons why Louis loved to go there. The waitress wrote down the order and then walked away to place it leaving Zayn all by himself.
Zayn could remember the last time he had came to the diner with Louis it was the afternoon before New Year’s Eve and Louis was doing all he could to convince Zayn of the merits of going out instead of staying in.
“It’ll be so much fun we’ll get drunk and hang out with Liam, Niall, and Hazza.” Louis said as he took a bite of his food and Zayn couldn’t help but smile because Louis always looked so content when he was eating. Still Zayn wasn’t ready to back down.
“We can do that at home Lou.” Zayn said as he stirred his tea and Louis decided it was time to pull out all his artillery, he fluttered his eye lashes at Zayn and whined in a high pitched tone please before taking another bite of food. Zayn shook his head no and chucked at his boyfriend and the lengths he would go too to get his way.
“But I want to watch Liam and Niall awkwardly dancing together because they have no rhythm and I wanna watch Harry try to bring some one back to his. Come on Z it’ll be so much fun don’t deny me the simple pleasures in life.” Louis pleaded as he reached his hand across the table and placed it on Zayn’s and just like that all of Zayn’s resolve was broken and he gave in.
“Fine but only because I love you.” Zayn said before finally taking a bite of his own food. Louis cheered happily, he loved getting his way especially when it came to Zayn. Though as much as Louis loved getting his way he always made sure it was a two way thing. He had gotten his way this time but next time he would let Zayn win.
“Love you too.” Louis hummed as he gave Zayn’s hand a gentle squeeze. Even though staying home would have made Zayn happy he knew making Louis happy would make himself even happier and that’s all that really mattered in the long run. Zayn could deal with the herd of sweaty bodies and loud music if it meant there’d be a smile on his boyfriend’s face.
Zayn snapped out of his train of thought when his food came with the sound of his plate clacking against the table and he finished his food without any sign of Louis. The waitress felt sorry for him thinking he had been stood up but Zayn pretended he wasn’t bothered he knew it was a shot in the dark hoping Louis would show up and he was learning not to get his hopes up.
Zayn went home sober for the first time in months and flopped down onto the sofa. First he threw the cushions and then he cried he wanted to go to sleep but he forced himself to stay up until at least 11:11 so he could try to wish for Louis, that was his every night ritual and he refused to break it. Zayn wasted his hours playing FIFA and making random foods in the kitchen even though he wasn’t hungry. Zayn wished for Louis at 11:11 and by 11:13 Zayn was crawling into bed and falling asleep hoping Louis would be by his side when he woke up.
Zayn woke up alone just like he did every morning since he made the biggest mistake of his life.
The first time Zayn saw a shooting star it was April, he was out at a bon fire that Liam and Niall had dragged him too. It was at Liam’s parent’s house and everyone else had gone inside for the night leaving Liam, Niall, and Zayn alone in the dark, the fire being their only light source. Zayn had only gone because he had been promised beer and when there was none Liam still some how convinced the dark haired boy to stick around. Liam decided to use Zayn’s own mindset against him.
“Don’t you think if Louis is going to come back that he deserves to come back to someone who isn’t perpetually drunk and a complete mess?” Liam said as he scooted his chair a bit closer to Niall who was the closest to the fire. Niall was too interested in the flickering flames to notice. Liam didn’t believe in all the Louis nonsense but he had to try something to get Zayn to get his life together. Zayn thought over Liam’s words mulling them over in his head.
“I suppose you’re right.” Zayn finally said after thinking it over so precisely. Liam brought up a very good point. Louis was amazing he didn’t deserve Zayn at his drunken low he deserved Zayn at his very best. Zayn decided right then and there that he would start being the best person he could be so if or when Louis came back he would be ready. He just hoped it would be soon.
“Look at that.” Niall said pointing up to the night sky and all of the boys looked up. Running cross the night sky like a rain drop on a car wind shield was a shooting star. Zayn quickly clasped his hands together and wished for Louis. It was like half wishing and half praying either way Zayn just wanted Louis he didn’t care how it happened as long as it did happen.
“What did you wish for Z?” As if Liam had to ask, he already knew the answer he just hoped he was wrong. All this nonexistent boyfriend nonsense worried Liam he knew it wasn’t good for Zayn’s mental health and he was tired of hearing about it.
“Louis of course.” Zayn said with a smile. He had wished on birthday candles and 11:11 he had never wished on a shooting star until that night and he prayed that the shooting stars magic was enough to bring Louis back to him. Liam huffed and rolled his eyes, he wasn’t trying to hide his displeasure in the least bit.
“What did you wish for Nialler?” Liam asked a little more soft spoken. He knew Niall would say something whimsical like world peace or bubbles so he was complete caught off guard when the usually bubbly and childlike boy gave his answer.
“I wished you’d pull the stick out of your arse and let Zayn believe in what he wants to believe in.” Niall said and Liam was speechless. Liam got up and walked away from the fire leaving Zayn and Niall alone with the small blaze. Zayn looked at Niall and Niall looked at Zayn, both wanted to call after Liam but neither knew what to say.
“You should go after him. He’s just concerned about me ya know?” Zayn said as he patted Niall’s knee encouragingly. Niall agreed and sprang up leaving Zayn by the fire alone. Zayn hated being alone but it gave him time to think.
The next day Zayn woke up early, showered, and ate a big breakfast, He was taking a proactive stance on life for the first time in nearly half a year. Zayn made himself look nice by dressing well and actually putting effort into his hair. He had a plan, he was going to go to one of the local jewelry stores and he was going to buy Louis an engagement ring.
Zayn looked over the display cases carefully, there were a few rings that he liked but he wondered if Louis would like them. He hoped that he knew his boyfriend well enough to make a good decision. It wasn’t until he reached the last row of rings that he found the perfect one he’d have to pay it off for years to come but it didn’t matter he was sure without a doubt that Louis would love it.
“Are you sure this is the one you want?” The sales woman asked as she took the ring out of the display case and gave it to Zayn to look at. Zayn looked the ring over turning it in his fingers he couldn’t believe of beautiful it was. He had bought jewelry for his mum and sisters before but nothing this important or extravagant. It was a big step and Zayn was ready to take it.
“I’m positive.” Zayn handed the ring back over to the sales woman so she could put it in a box and cash him out. Zayn could only afford to put a small down payment down on the ring but it was enough to take the ring home. The sales woman explained to him that he’d have to open a line of credit with the store and pay off payments of the ring every month. Zayn was nervous but he knew Louis was worth it.
Zayn takes the ring home making sure it’s secure in his pocket. He’s so aware of the small piece of metal it’s like it’s burning a hole through him. Zayn puts his hand over his pocket several times on the drive home just to make sure that it’s real and that he actually did go out and buy it. Once home Zayn places the small box behind a few of his books on a shelf in the living room. He doesn’t care if the ring has to set there for the next fifty years he knows one day Louis will come back and he’ll be able to give the ring to the boy he loves even if it means waiting.
By the time July came around Zayn made a habit up picking every dandelion he saw and blowing them each time wishing for Louis to come back. Sometimes when Liam wasn’t looking Niall would slip Zayn four leaf clovers he figured his friend could use the luck. Zayn was always grateful for Niall and they way he always supported him no matter how crazy Liam thought he was getting. Every once in a while Zayn would question Liam about him and Niall getting together but each time Liam just shook his head and told Zayn he didn’t have the courage. Zayn knew that if Louis was around that courage wouldn’t be a problem. The shorter boy was always forcing Liam to face things and he brave. Louis just made everyone better and without him it was like the world was standing still.
Before Zayn knew it it was autumn, the season of beginning again and all he wanted was to begin again with Louis. All the dandelions were gone but Zayn still wished for Louis at 11:11 every night even though it had been over half a year with no results. Zayn was hopeful it was all he could be.
One night Zayn’s at one of the local convenience stores getting junk food before going home when he bumps into Harry. Zayn knows that Harry doesn’t remember him so he pretends he doesn’t know Harry but the curly haired boy keeps looking over at him. Zayn just wishes he could get his stuff and leave but Harry is in the way and getting by him would mean talking to him and Zayn isn’t ready to be reminded that he didn’t just lose Louis he lost Harry too.
“I remember you.” Harry breaks the awkward silence and Zayn’s eyes widen and lit up like the sun. Harry comes closer with a pack of twelve soda cans under one arm and a bag on crisps in his other hand. Zayn is too stunned to move at all.
“You do?” Zayn asks feeling his heart race faster than it had since Louis disappeared. Zayn could feel his whole body warming up he was so excited that Harry remembered him he just couldn’t believe it.
“You’re that lad that showed up at my front door talking gibberish. Did you ever find who you were looking for?” Harry said and just like that Zayn was utterly crushed. Of course that’s how Harry remembered him why would he remember their years of friendship when no one else seemed to remember anything.
“No I didn’t.” Zayn answered before letting out a small sigh, By now he should have been used to being let down but he wasn’t it still hurt every time something like this happened or every time he woke up and Louis wasn’t there it just hurt.
“Sorry about that mate hope you find whoever you were looking for someday.” Harry said as he walked away giving Zayn a clear path to the cash register. Zayn pays for his things and he leaves without glancing back at Harry once. He knew if he looked back it would hurt and he was learning not to torture himself over the things that he can’t currently change. He knew that if Louis came back Harry would too so if he just focused on Louis everything would eventually be okay.
The snow had come as a cruel reminder that Zayn would be spending Louis’ birthday and Christmas without Louis. Zayn did the only thing he could do to keep himself from losing his mind he went home to be with his family. Sitting in his family’s living room Zayn’s mother knew there was something wrong with her boy even if she couldn’t quite put her finger on it it was mother’s intuition.
“Looking forward to Christmas day tomorrow? I know your sisters were excited you came home. You okay love?” Zayn’s mother spoke to Zayn in a calm motherly tone making sure Zayn knew she was coming from a place of love and understanding. Zayn just nodded, it was a lie but he didn’t want his mother to worry about him after all how could he possibly be okay when it was Louis’ birthday and Louis wasn’t around to enjoy it. It was nearly impossible for Zayn to think of anything that wasn’t Louis related. Zayn couldn’t stop himself from remembering Louis’ last birthday, it had been such a good day for both of them.
“You’re gonna drop it!” Louis whined playfully as he watched Zayn bring his birthday cake inside their flat from the car. Zayn wobbled and mock tripped but kept the cake steady in his hands. Louis just huffed and took the cake away from Zayn. Leaving Zayn with a fond smile on his face. He loved pouty Louis it was one of his favorite looks on his boyfriend he couldn’t deny his boyfriend when his bottom lip was out and he was huffing and puffing about something.
“Hope you like it babe I got it custom made.” Zayn said remembering the weird look he got when he asked for a red power ranger cake and explained it was for an adult. Zayn didn’t care he’d do anything if it meant making Louis smile, he was completely hopeless for the boy with the golden complexion. Louis hummed in appreciation.
“Love it.” Louis said as he placed the cake on their kitchen counter. They were preparing for a small party at their flat later on in the night and Louis couldn’t hide his excitement. He hated getting older but he loved that all the attention would be on him.
“Even more than you love me?” Zayn asked raising an eyebrow and Louis stopped what he was doing and looked at Zayn with a serious face before nodding his head slowly and Zayn gasped feigning being hurt. Louis just chucked and pulled Zayn in for a soft short kiss. Zayn kissed Louis back happily.
“You’re a dolt you know?” Louis said as he hugged Zayn’s torso close to his own and rested his chin on Zayn’s shoulder. Zayn smiled he loved being close to Louis and sharing tender moments with the boy he loved.
“I’m yours.” Zayn said as he pulled away from Louis just to lean in and kiss Louis again this time deeper than before. Louis kissed Zayn until he was starved for oxygen and he was seeing stars. They would gave continued kissing all afternoon if it wasn’t for Harry ringing their door bell. Zayn was sad when Louis left to answer the door but he knew he and Louis would pick up where they left off once everyone left later that night.
Zayn was quickly pulled out of his thoughts by his mums hand on his shoulder. She had gotten up from where she was sitting across the room from him and was now standing right in front of him looking down at her son.
“You look tired love, think you should get some sleep.” Zayn’s mother said as she patted Zayn and Zayn agreed with her. Maybe things would be better in the morning maybe his heart wouldn’t hurt so much. Zayn said good night to his mum and mad his way upstairs to his childhood bedroom to pass out on the bed and dream of the boy with the perfect blue eyes and beautiful brown hair.
By the 27th of December Zayn was back home in his own flat all alone. He was expecting Liam and Niall to come over but they were running late. Zayn was relieved to finally hear the chime of his door bell going off it meant he didn’t have to sit alone any longer. Zayn answered the door and Liam and Niall came in looking as cheerful as ever.
“I finally asked Niall the question.” Liam said with a giant smile on his face as he shrugged off his winter coat. Zayn was so surprised he looked to Niall waiting for some sort of a sign or answer by the time Niall said anything Zayn was about ready to bite all of his nails down to nothing.
“And I said of course I’d be his boyfriend.” Niall said with a giant smile that mirror Liam’s and at first Zayn was so happy for his friends but then a sadness sank in when he realized that life was going on without Louis.
“That aside we really need to talk Zayn.” Liam said in a serious tone as he walked into Zayn’s living room and sat down on the sofa and Niall sat down next to him which was pretty predictable, they may have different titles for each other but everything else stayed the same.
“About what?” Zayn asked as he took a seat in the recliner by the sofa. Niall looked at Zayn with a serious look on his face usually he’d be on Zayn’s side but this time he agreed with Liam. He knew what Liam was about to say may hurt Zayn but it had to be said.
“About Louis, it’s been nearly a year and Niall and I were talking and we, well mostly I just think that if he doesn’t suddenly start existing by the end of the year you should move on. I mean it isn’t healthy Z and I’m tired of watching you make yourself sick and sad over it. Like I respect that it’s affecting you buy you really should move on.” Liam said in the most sincere tone he was nothing but worried about Zayn and Zayn’s well being. Zayn let Liam’s words sink in before responding.
“You feel the same way Ni?” Zayn asked looking at Niall and Niall looked to the ground almost ashamed of his opinion.
“I’m all for you believing in what you want to believe in really I am but you’ve been so sad this past year and I just don’t want you to be sad anymore.” Niall said as he picked at the hem of his shirt and Liam shot him reassuring looks.. Liam took Niall’s hand in his own and held onto it tightly.
“I understand.” Zayn said as he put a hand on Liam’s knee. He didn’t want his friends to feel bad for having an opinion and worrying about him. He never told them about the ring he had bought and he knew telling them now would just make things worse. Zayn would never give up on Louis but he realized that didn’t mean he had to be sad about Louis all the time. Zayn vowed to be happier.
When Liam and Niall left later that night they left feeling like a weight had been lifted off their shoulders. They saw Zayn laugh and be genuinely happy for the first time in a year and that was enough of a good start for them.
It was finally New Year’s Eve, Zayn had gone out earlier in the night with Liam and Niall to celebrate but he managed to get home with time to spare for the countdown. It was important for him to be on his sofa with the television on making his wish just like he had done the year before because if he had missed it he would have had to have waited another whole year. So Zayn wasn’t about to miss this opportunity to get his Louis back.
“6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 HAPPY NEW YEAR!” The television rang out and Zayn had counted down the last few numbers with it as he sat on the sofa in the exact same spot in was in last year. It felt like time was slowing down and Zayn just concentrated on his wish. All that mattered was wishing at the exact time. Zayn held his breath as the words dropped from his mouth.
“”I wish for Louis I wish for my old life back, I wish for Louis I wish for my old life back.” Zayn repeated over and over inside his head and out loud. Zayn looked to the ceiling praying that someone was listening and his wish would come true but when he heard nothing but the low tone of the television his heart sank.
Suddenly the sound of the bedroom door flying open rang through the flat and a duffle bag was being thrown out into the living room. Zayn’s jaw fell open and he went wide eyed he couldn’t believe what was happening. Louis stepped out of the room looking pissed off as ever.
“I’m going to stay the night at Harry’s, give you some time to think.” Louis said as he reached down to pick up the duffle bag that was packed with some clothes but Zayn was running over to him and enveloping him into a huge. Louis just stood there still ticked off but shocked as well.
“Baby don’t go anywhere stay with me please don’t ever leave again. You were right and I was so wrong and I’m sorry for ever doubting you god I can’t live another night without you.” Zayn zaid as he hugged Louis tighter and peppered the annoyed boy’s face with kisses. Louis just stood there with a stoic look on his face.
“You’re sorry?” Louis asked as his hard exterior began to crumble into little pieces.
“I’m so very sorry. I’ve waited a whole year to tell you how much I love you and how much you mean to me I was so worried I’d never be able to say those words ever again babe.” Zayn said as he began crying into the crook of Louis’ neck and Louis hugged Zayn back and patted his love on the back reassuringly.
“Babe it’s only been 2014 for a few minutes it hasn’t been a whole year.” Louis said as he rubbed soothing circles into Zayn’s back as Zayn continued to sob. Louis could feel his heart beginning to swell, it was nearly impossible for him to stay mad at Zayn especially when Zayn was making himself so vulnerable.
“It’s 2014?” Zayn looked up questioningly, his eyes were still brimmed with tears. “It’s like none of it ever happened.” Zayn added as he looked around the room and his eyes connected with the shelf where he had put the ring.
“Like what never happened? You okay love? Did you have too much to drink?” Louis asked as Zayn pulled away from him and made his way over to the shelf. Pushing the books away Zayn found the small black box that he had placed up there months ago. Zayn looked at the box and then at Louis and he was never more sure of anything in his life.
“I know none of this makes sense and it probably never will but I know the only thing that does make sense is how I feel about you. Louis will you marry me?” Zayn asked as he got down on one knee in front of Louis and pulled open the box revealing a ring. Louis gasped and clamped his hands over his mouth out of shock. Zayn had been dreaming about this moment for months and an awe struck Louis was one of the best scenarios he could think of, Louis saying no was obviously the worst but Zayn didn’t want to think about that possibility while he was down on one knee.
“Yes, yes I will marry you.” Louis breathed as he held out his hand and Zayn slipped the ring onto the ring finger on his left hand. Louis just looked at the ring it was so beautiful and complete fitting for him he couldn’t believe Zayn had gone out and bought it and had never even mentioned it to him. Zayn took Louis into his arms and held him until some of the shock wore off. Louis leaned in and kissed Zayn like he was trying to convey everything he ever felt for Zayn with one kiss and Zayn kissed him back just as passionately.
The two spent the rest of the night taking pictures together and of the ring. Zayn didn’t want the moment to ever end or for anything to change and Louis was just happy to be Zayn’s for the rest of their lives. The next day when they got everyone together to celebrate their proposal Harry was there along with Liam and Niall and everything was finally right with the world. Zayn had learned two things, firstly that he loved Louis Tomlinson unconditionally and secondly to be careful what he wished for because the chances were he just might get it.