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“He didn't allow me to kiss him” Jaehyun moans again much to Doyoung’s dismay. He doesn't want to deal with this. Hell, he rather deal with Yuta and Sicheng’s gross love-life than Jaehyun's lack of.
“Maybe he doesn't like you” he suggests. It's harsh and even a bit rude, but it's the only way all of this mess makes sense.
“Are you kidding me?!” Nope, I just want to go home and you might not even be his type, thereof you might be wasting your time with him, he thinks. “We've been dating for two months and a half. What you're saying is just bullshit” angry Jaehyun is his least favorite Jaehyun.
“Well, I don't understand why else would he avoid kissing you” Doyoung plays with his purple bangs, trying to get them out of his sight “Not that people would like to kiss you, but still, it doesn't make sense” he states, clearly frustrated at Jaehyun's outburst.
“I don't understand it either. We were good” Doyoung prays to every God he knows that Jaehyun doesn't tell him how their last date went “I mean, I waited for him outside the studio, he greeted me -he even hugged me, for God's sake!- we went to eat something and then we went to the movies, he played through the whole movie with my hands and once he decided he wanted to eat popcorn, I circled his waist. Everything was perfect! And then, once we arrived at his door -Ten, his roommate was there, waiting for him to come inside -as if he was his mother- I circled his waist again, he smiled and then he laughed and everything was perfect, it wasn't even that late but the lights outside his house made him look prettier than ever, his hair looked pinkier as if it was cotton candy or something and his lips, Doyoung, his lips looked red and swollen!!! Like he was waiting for me to make them redder and more swollen! Fuck !” Fuck, indeed . Doyoung doesn't want to hear the rest, he already knows what's going to happen, Jaehyun, however, thinks otherwise “So, I started with his face, touching his cheekbones, his neck even his lips and he was smiling, as if he was inviting me to continue. But once I bent down, ready to finally, fucking finally kiss him. He stopped smiling, and suddenly I was being pushed away”
“Misunderstandings happen” he doesn't want to comfort him, he just doesn't want to hear him anymore.
“And then, once he pushed me away” of fucking course he hasn't finished . Doyoung holds himself back from saying something stupid, you're better that this, Kim Doyoung , he reminds himself. “He muttered something that sounded like an apology, what's even weirder is that he didn't even look back, he just entered the house without a Goodnight Yoonoh ”
“Listen, Jaehyun, I really need to go…”
“And I'm so stressed, he hasn't called me, Doyoung, he doesn't answer my calls either and Ten seems to be delighted by my misfortune” there's something in Jaehyun's voice that makes Doyoung look at him, analyzing his situation and how he's been talking, Jaehyun looks… lost , for the lack of a better word.
He has never seen him like this. Dark hair a mess, shadow under his eyes and said eyes devoid of emotion, of their natural glint, as if whatever was making him happy now is gone. Fuck , he thinks. Angry Jaehyun is not his favorite Jaehyun, but sad Jaehyun is a Jaehyun he doesn't know how to deal with.
“Have you tried visit him?” Jaehyun looks up, mouth agape and eyes open wide. Doyoung wants to hit him, of fucking course he hasn't done that.
“No…”
“There's your answer. I shall really go now, I can't trust Sicheng whenever he's near the photocopy”
And he leaves, leaving a hopeful Jaehyun behind. He smiles, maybe that way he wouldn't be that sad anymore.
How wrong was he when he thought about Jaehyun maybe being better.
Taeil told him to visit him, saying something about him not eating and rarely leaving his apartment.
He doesn't knock, instead, he uses the spare key Taeil gave him not so long ago. Doyoung is pretty sure they all make agreements to make him deal with this .
The house is a mess, there's clothes splayed all over the place, the yellow flowers on the window -Sicheng’s last Christmas gift- are dying slowly, clearly they hadn't been watered. There's something that smells horrible near the kitchen making Doyoung avoid said space. Curtains are all closed, making the apartment look darker and gloomier. All doors are closed and there's no sound, making Doyoung anxious and filling his head with what ifs .
With heavy footsteps he approached Jaehyun's bedroom door. There's no sign of him being alive and that, somehow makes him uneasy. They're friends, even if he is a bully and Doyoung sometimes hates him, they're still friends.
He knocks twice, once he's sure there might be no answer, he pushes the door open, waiting for whatever horrible thing might be inside.
There's only Jaehyun, surrounded by sheets and empty kleenex boxes. Pathetic , he thinks as he approaches, he sighs, he's still alive and that's everything that matters.
“Hey, princess” he greets. But there's no answer, the dark haired boy doesn't even flinch when Doyoung sits besides him “Jae, I brought you something” he tries, Taeil gave him some sweets and snacks to cheer him up, however, Jaehyun doesn't move.
Still no answer.
Doyoung knows what to say and do , but he doesn't know how this might end. Hell, he prefers lovesick Jaehyun instead of this sad and moping person.
He might regret this later, he knows this. But, he can't deal with this anymore.
“Is…” he starts, Jaehyun doesn't move, he sighs, deciding to continue “Is there something I can get for you? I mean, do you need something?”
Still no answer.
Sighing, he gets up, ready to leave.
“Could you talk with him?” Jaehyun’s voice is hoarse and low, probably for crying and all that things that sad people usually do.
Doyoung doesn't answer, he just leaves.
“Oh hey, if you’re here to talk with my precious roommate, save it. He’s not in the mood to deal with emotions” this is why Doyoung hates everyone. He smiles, hoping Ten wouldn’t notice his lie.
“I’m not here for him, he’s done enough” he smirks as he hears a 'hey, it's not his fault’ from Ten “I’m here for you” his words make Ten confused, staring at him in disbelief he makes a sign for Doyoung to continue talking “It’s about Johnny” and it’s all it takes for the thai to give him his full attention.
“Did something happen?” he asks, anxiety obvious in his voice Gotcha! Doyoung shakes his head “Is he okay? Talk bunny! I don’t have time for this”
“I don’t really know how to say this” he does, it’s just to add more drama to the situation. Ten waits for an answer, pout on his lips and brows furrowed.
“Spit it out, bunny!”
“Johnny’s been flirting with the new intern since you left to work with Taeyong” it’s partially true, Johnny is just being his big oblivious self while Taeil does everything he can to attract his attention.
“What!” Ten yells, all sign of worry leaving his face as he becomes furious “Look bunny, I might go to jail for murder once I find him, so, take care of ‘T’ he’s not really a bad boy, he’s just… not ready” his words make Doyoung confused, he doesn’t understand what’s happening at all, he nods.
Once he sees Ten turning in the corner he decides is his moment to enter the enormous house -at least bigger than his apartment.
Opposite to Jaehyun’s apartment, their house is pretty clean, neat if he dares say. It’s just so sterile just like an hospital, Doyoung feels dirty just standing there, as if his sole presence is tainting the house. He shakes his head, with light steps leading him to a bedroom he finds himself facing a light blue wooden door. He doesn’t knock, it’s becoming a habit, he thinks. Pushing it lightly he can’t see anything at all. He enters.
If Jaehyun was a disaster, he does not know how to catalog his boyfriend -he hopes they’re still dating- there’s an aura in his room that makes him feel depressed, he swears there’s no color, like everything in there is black and white.
Taeyong however, looks like a statue just lying there, in the center of his room. His pink hair mingles with the light blue of the sheets, he's wearing what Doyoung identifies as his pajamas -sweats and a large t-shirt- Doyoung knows he's not okay, no when the boy doesn't move at all, it's not okay, everything about this mess is bad, the always happy look on the boy's face is now empty, devoid of any emotion he might feel in that moment, there’s something inside Doyoung that makes him furious, how this god -because is not a secret to humanity itself- could look as if nothing happen. He calms himself, it’s not like that , he reminds himself. They’re both hurting and it’s his mission to do something about it.
“Hey, Taeyong” he greets, after shaking his head.
“Hmm” he mumbles.
“Are you okay?” he approaches him, ready to do all the talking.
“Not okay” he answers and Doyoung doesn’t know what to say. He’s known -thanks to Jaehyun- that Taeyong’s eyes do all the speak, they’re full of emotion and Doyoung is now sure that he can’t deal with this.
“Wanna talk about it?”
“... No” he sighs, of course he doesn’t want to talk.
“Jaehyun is… destroyed, to say the least” naming Jaehyun triggers something in the older boy, that sighs and gets up, sitting in front of Doyoung.
“I know…” he says, stopping Doyoung for whatever else he was going to say.
“He hasn’t leave his apartment in days” he tries again.
“I know” same response.
“He isn’t eating too”
“I know”
“So… you don’t care at all” he sighs frustrated. What a moron.
“I do care” he becomes still. Taeyong sobs in front of him, hands coming to cover his face. Trying to protect himself from Doyoung’s prying eyes. “It’s just… it’s so hard. You wouldn’t understand” he says between sobs.
“Try me” he states. Whatever that can help him end this drama is perfect.
“I… I’ve never told this to anyone, Ten might have an idea, but he doesn't know the story” Doyoung offers him something to wipe -paper he found on his right, near Taeyong's nightstand- his tears as he waits patiently for the other to continue. With shaking hands, Taeyong wipes his tears and cleans his nose a little before taking a deep breath “I don’t like germs”
Doyoung watches him, not fully understanding what he means nor what's happening anymore, he doesn't like germs either, people normally don't like germs, so it's weird how this might suppose a problem to the pink haired boy and his relationship with Jaehyun.
“I don't like them either” he ssays. Taeyong watches him, face full of disbelief before shaking his head, he sighs, ready to explain the problem.
“It’s not like that, you know. I mean in a, I can’t stand the thought of anything being dirty, situation” Doyoung nods, trying to understand what the other is trying to explain.
“Uhm”
“Look, have you ever hear or mysophobia” he nods, he hasn’t, but hopes for Taeyong to explain it further. “I don’t know how to deal with this sometimes” he continues “it became too much once Yoonoh approached me like that, I was sure that I could kiss him, that I could granted him that. But I couldn’t, once his breath mingled with mine I panicked, the thought of his saliva mixing with mine made me sick, so I left. Not wanting to make him feel worse, at the end, I did make him feel worse. Fuck , this is hard”
Doyoung tries to process everything Taeyong’s telling him, he understand most of it. Why he would reject Jaehyun when he tried to kiss him and everything, however, he can’t fathom the idea of them not talking about it, of coming to a conclusion together, to a mutual agreement where they can work and maybe enjoy this more than they already were.
“You should talk to him” he blurts out. Taeyong stares at him in disbelief, as if Doyoung grew another head out of nowhere, he coughs a bit before continuing his explanation “I mean, I understand that it is really hard for you to admit this, but, you’re explaining it to me, I don’t see why you would fear talking to him about this, I mean, you understand each other more than I do you, so…” he states. And it’s true, maybe this mess can be fixed, maybe this will only make it worse. Who knows, Doyoung hopes for the best.
“I’ll… try”
“Well then, I’m leaving. Johnny might want to kill me once he knows I’m the reason Ten wants to kill him, so, see ya”
Doyoung tries his best not to yell at them, he's happy for them, he really is, if they weren't this gross maybe he'll be happier.
Taeyong invited him to have lunch with him and Jaehyun, to thank him for everything he did for them. He actually didn't do anything special, they're just idiots who didn't know how to express themselves to each other. However, lunch would be better if they actually paid attention to him, at least do small talk.
Jaehyun whispers things on Taeyong's ears, while the latter caresses his hands. Doyoung however, enjoys the pile of hot-cakes they bought him.
“You really are a good friend, Doyoung” Taeyong tells him.
“I know” he agrees, cutting hot-cakes.
“And people still think you're an idiot” that's Jaehyun.
“I'm not”
“Nah, you're just really rude”
“Yeah” he admits, cut, eat, repit, drink milk, continue.
But he's happy, they aren't kissing, not yet , but they seem happier and more in love than before. He smiles. He can do good things from time to time.
Extra:
“Yoonoh” he swears he's dreaming, there's no way in this world this angel would be on his bed. Whispering his name with that much emotion and love.
“Tae” he mumbles before sitting, hands brushing away the sleep from his eyes. If he's awake he wouldn't have to deal with hallucinations.
“Hey” and that makes him panic. There's no way Taeyong is there with him, on his room , surrounded by garbage and dirt, and everything Taeyong despises. The pink haired boy realizes his panic, before smiling “I cleaned your apartment, don't worry”
“You didn't have to do that”
“I wanted to”
They stare at each other, not knowing how to continue this. Not knowing what to say to make the other feel better.
“Look…”
“I…”
They laugh, Yoonoh closes his eyes. This is ridiculous . Suddenly there's a pair of arms circling him tightly, hair tickling his shin and a chest flushed against his. He sighs, circling the other's waist and burying his nose on the pink hair, he missed this.
“Yoonoh” said boy can tell there's something weird with way he says his name, fear, anxiety and bad things like those. He draws circles with his hands on the other's back, hoping it would make him relax “I have mysophobia” he pushes him lightly, he doesn't know what this means, doesn't know if it is some kind of extremely contagious disease or something. He sees the fear in Taeyong's eyes, the way his hands twist on his lap.
“I don't know what that means” he takes Taeyong's hands between his, caresses his knuckles “Would you explain that to me?” his boyfriend nods.
“I don't like germs” he starts, Yoonoh hmms at him, waiting for whatever he might say next. He feels Taeyong relax under his touch “I can't stand the thought of something being dirty, it makes me feel uneasy and I panic whenever something dirty approaches me, I'm actually getting better at dealing with it. I can hug you now, remember how we started? Remember that I didn't let you touch me at all?” Yoonoh remembers, remembers how rejected he felt and how a week later Taeyong hugged him and they finally started holding hands. He nods “I went… go to therapy, it's improving. I had to get better if I wanted to be with you. You deserve better than me, better than what I am, and even if I know this… even if I'm ready to let you go. I just can't, I'm being selfish, I know, but… you're the best thing that's ever happened to me and I love you so much, so much , that I'm willing to stop fearing this, I'm getting better, I swear, I just need time” it breaks Yoonoh's heart seeing his boyfriend like this, brows furrowed and eyes full with tears, he looks broken. It hurts him even more how low he thinks of himself, how he thinks Yoonoh is the best thing that's ever happened to him when in reality is the other way around...
“I love you” he blurts out. Taeyong's crying stops.
“But Yoonoh, I…”
“Let me finish” saying he loves him makes him realise that in fact, he does, he's ready to bear this with him. Support him with whatever he needs and wait for him, for when he's finally ready to take the next step in their relationship, he waited a year before finally talking to him, another one before asking him out. He can wait longer “I love you, it's early and all that shit, but I do. I know you're not some bad persons, you're the most caring person in this world and hell, you deserve better than anyone… so, trust me a little? I mean, I'm ready to help you with whatever you need, just, please, please tell me when something becomes too much to you or anything, if you don't feel like entering a place because it makes you anxious, please tell me, I won't get mad. I love you, for what you are, not for whatever people might say about you, at the end of the day, I'll still love you” Taeyong is crying now, his sobs getting louder, harder. Yoonoh hugs him, hoping it will not startle the boy “everything will be okay”
He feels the other boy nuzzle his neck, Yoonoh takes that as a yes.