Chapter Text
Every morning started out the same. Zoe would get out of bed before her alarm clock and get dressed as quickly as she could, she was hoping to grab something to eat and leave before anyone else woke up so she wouldn't have to deal with the inevitable shouting match that happened every day between the rest of the family. She grabbed her bag and headed downstairs only to find that her lovely mother was already wide awake and greeting her with a bright smile that was honestly obnoxious for such an unreasonable hour of the morning. She smiled at her and grabbed a piece of toast off of the plate that was extended to her. She sat down, feeling her mother's eyes on the back of her chair as she did so. She couldn’t leave now, she would just have to wait for the nightmare to be over. About ten minutes passed before Larry came down the stairs, his mouth was set in the same grim look he had on every morning and his eyes were glued to his phone. Zoe guessed that he was already answering work emails, she had always assumed that it was his only pleasure in the morning. A few more minutes passed as He got his coffee and toast, Cynthia beamed as she put a piece of toast on the plate in front of him, the smile never quite went over all of her features enough to seem like a genuine emotion to Zoe. There was silence in the kitchen for a moment, but like clockwork Larry looked down at his watch. He mumbled angrily to himself before violently getting up from the table and marching to the bottom of the stairs.
“Connor, get down here.” He yelled to no response. He huffed in frustration.
“CONNOR!” He screamed, Zoe winced at the noise she hadn’t been expecting it to be that loud. She heard some unintelligible yelling from the top of the stairs and in a few minutes connor was in the kitchen. His eyes were red and Zoe sighed, it was only six in the morning but her brother couldn’t even wait till he got to school to be stoned out of his mind. She waited for the eventual fight that would ensue over it.
…
She was sitting in the kitchen looking out of the glass doors into the pitch black that covered the backyard. At times like this, when everyone else was in bed she could almost imagine the big house being cozy, homely. She took a sip from the mug of tea she had made herself and tried to not think about the disaster that was her family. She heard footsteps behind her and quickly turned. She worried for a second it was Cynthia. If her mother saw her doing this she would put on a sad smile, the one where she would draw in her eyebrows with a look of concern, the top of her face never matching the bottom. If she saw her like this she would act fine, but Zoe knew that she took everything as a warning sign now, one that would eventually lead to Zoe becoming another Connor.
A dark figure walked into the room and Zoe let out a breath, Connor didn’t care what she did. He opened the cabinet and grabbed a cup, he didn’t bother to walk over to the fridge instead opting to fill his water from the tap and chug it. She watched him carefully, not knowing if her moving could set him off. He turned to her and she quickly looked down into her mug trying to look busy.
“What the fuck are you looking at?” He said. She bristled because she didn’t want to have a fight with him. Having a fight with Connor meant having a fight no one would win.
“Nothing.” She said trying to sound dismissive. She looked back down at her cup hoping he would leave or get bored or, god forbid, just sit and quietly exist with her without having to kick and scream and cause a scene.
“No, if you have something to say about me just fucking say it.” He stepped closer to the table and she quickly backed her chair away stepping into the center of the room and away from him. He looked at her for a second and took an angry breath out before walking in front of her. She almost fell as she tried to get out of his path. He walked towards the front entry way and grabbed his keys off of the hook by the door.
“Where are you going?” She said, sounding much more like a scared child than she wanted to. He looked at her, she could see all of the rage in his eyes. They looked at each other in the silence of the house and just for a second he softened, for just a second he looked so sad that Zoe wanted to do nothing more than to take all of the weight that he had on his shoulders away. Then it was gone.
“Fuck off.” He said, his knuckles white on the door handle as he wrenched it opened. He slammed the door in her face and she ran upstairs before her parents came down to see what had happened.
…
She could hear the screaming from upstairs. She wasn’t a hundred percent sure how it started, but she knew that it had been going on for more than an hour. Even with the music in her headphones on she could still hear the yelling. She turned her music up and went back to trying to focus on math problems. Each side of the square pyramid shown below measures...
Smash! Something shatters downstairs. She takes her headphones off and puts them on the bed beside her. Her father screams something she can’t quite make out and there’s another smash. She can hear her mother talking quickly in a more calmed tone than the other two voices, obviously trying to not only spare whatever fine china Connor is breaking, but also get Larry to calm down enough to leave the room so she can attempt to make a peace with Connor that will undoubtedly be broken the next time Larry opens his mouth to speak. Part of her wants to go downstairs, if not to prepare herself for how they’re going to act for the rest of the the night, then to be a witness for the coroner's report that she knows will eventually come out of one of these fights.
She hears her father yell something before slamming the glass door connected to the kitchen. She can just make out Cynthia’s hushed whispering over her brother angrily talking over her. She leaves her room and sits halfway down the stairs out of sight from the rest of the family. There she can make out the conversation without having to attempt to be involved in any way.
“It wouldn’t be for a long time Connor, I just think that it might be good for you to-”
“Good for me? None of this is good for me, all it does is make you feel better about doing nothing.”
“No, honey that’s not true. All we want is to help you. Maybe this program isn’t the answer, but if it goes well then-”
“Then you won’t have to deal with a fucked up kid. I get it.”
“Honey you know I love you just the way you are,” Zoe scoffed at that one,” I just think that you need a little bit of help to be a better you.” Her mother almost sounds so hopeful that for a second she thinks even Connor believes the line because there is silence. All she can hear is his heavy breathing and she wonders if he’ll willingly go along with whatever plan she has for him this time.
“I’m not going to humor you on another fucking thing that ends up making me feel worse than I did when I started.” He says, weirdly calm, as if he’s trying to control his anger for her sake. He stomps out of the room and starts climbing the stairs. He looks at her from where she’s perched leaning against the railing. She steals herself and waits for the blow or shove that’s coming her way. Instead he brushes by her with a ‘bitch’ under his breath, but nothing more.
…
She’d never ever tell him, but she hates seeing him like this. She can hear him banging the walls, his sobs echoing through the house and all she wants to do is try to help him, but some sort of fear and maybe a little bit of loathing stops her from moving from where she is sitting on her floor. She grits her teeth and wonders how her parents could have gone to bed hours ago without even checking on him. She doesn’t want to go to bed because she’s scared if she does he might stop all together and then she’d be all alone in a big house with no one but her parents who do nothing but walk on eggshells when she’s around. She knows they think they have to do everything they can to make her not turn out like him. Honor role student, jazz band, make her do extracurriculars, make her have a summer job, force her to hang out with the neighbors daughter even though Zoe has real friends because they’re so afraid that without her parents watchful eye she would just turn into him. Even though she has never been like him. She remembers when they were so similar, when her mother used to dress them up in matching outfits and they would play outside for hours. They would make up imaginary worlds and Connor was one of the only boys who was happy to spend time with his little sister. She remembers when they stopped being so similar to, when he started to pull away from her. She remembers the first time her father yelled at him the way he does now. He had always yelled, but it used to be at both of them. Then it started being aimed more and more at Connor.
She hears him bang on the wall closest to her bed and slide down it. The sobs are getting quieter as if he’s finally getting tired. She crawls over to the wall and leans against it as well. When they were little they’d whisper to each other through the walls, little jokes and secrets that only they knew. Those days are so long ago that they don’t even feel like real memories. She leans her head against the wall and she can hear his ragged breathing. She hopes that maybe her being there helps him though, even as she thinks it, she knows it’s a ridiculous theory. She hears his breathing even out and she thinks that after all of these hours of crying maybe he’s finally gone to sleep. She’s still afraid to go to bed because at least here, she can hear him. She knows that he’s still here and she isn’t alone with them yet. She eventually falls asleep curled up on the floor.