Chapter Text
"You look great." Kelly comment from the couch as Matt walked into the living room. He was wearing a dark grey button up and jeans, casual but still dressed up quite nicely.
Today was Sunday and that meant dinner at the Casey's.
"Thanks." Matt smiled happily as he attempted to do up the buttons on the cuff. "Give me a hand?" He asked sheepishly as he stretch out his wrists to Kelly.
Kelly grinned up at the blonde as he stood, making the couple of strides it took to reach Casey. "Of course." He murmured as he began to do up the buttons. He completed the task quickly and couldn't resist giving Matt a lingering once over, admiring how handsome the guy really did look.
"Here." Matt mumbled softly as he took the wedding ring off his finger and slid it onto Kelly's own ring finger. It was a routine they went through every Sunday that they weren't on shift. Of course, Matt's family had no idea that Matt was married, let alone in a relationship. He knew for a fact that they wouldn't approve of the fact he was with a guy.
In his younger days, he'd always strive for as much approval as he could get. Of course, his parents had definitely not supported his career path, to them, firefighting wasn't a successful job. They'd tried to pressure him into becoming a lawyer or a doctor, not caring what he wanted to do or what would make him happy. That had been a turning point in Matt's life though. Was he going to please his parents? Or do something that he would love doing?
Matt never had one regret about his decision to become a firefighter, just like he had never regretted falling in love with Kelly. Matt had no shame about being with him, but that didn't mean he wanted to tell his parents about him. So he went to those Sunday dinners by himself, suffering through the tense, awkward atmosphere of being a disappointment, only to do it again the next week.
Kelly pushed Matt's ring a little closer to his own at the base of his finger and spun them around. "You know we're going to have to tell them some day." The dark-haired lieutenant spoke softly, he knew this was a bit of a touchy subject. As much as Matt had become independent from his parents expectations, he had a hard time dealing with the anger and disappointment they brought into his life.
"Do we though?" Matt let out a long exhale, looking into Kelly's eyes. He'd much rather just stay in, order take-out, and crash on the couch with Kelly.
"It's been two years, Matt. We've been married over two years and your family still think's you're single." Kelly found Matt's hands by his sides and held them in his own.
Matt shrugged and glanced to the floor. "I know... But it's- ..it's better this way."
"It's weighing on you though, isn't it." It was more of a statement than a question, more of an observation than a judgement.
The blonde nodded hesitantly, "A little."
"You'll feel better if you get that off your chest, baby boy."
"I.. I'll think about it..." Kelly looked at him skeptically, "I promise," Matt assured with a smile.
Kelly nodded and pulled Matt into a long embrace. "You better get going," Kelly murmured against the side of Matt's head. "Or you'll be late."
"Ughhn." Matt groaned loudly, "I just wanna stay home."
"Then stay." Kelly teased, knowing that he was going to go anyways.
"Can't." The blonde muttered in distain, wishing he wasn't under the obligation to go to the stupid dinner. If it was up to Kelly, Matt would't be going to his family's house for supper. Like, ever. Because when the poor guy got home, he was always such a mess. His family, especially his parents, knew how to get inside his head. They knew which buttons to push in order to break him, to make him feel like a failure, a complete waste of oxygen. Kelly would never stop picking up the pieces because he loved Matt so damn much. But at the same time, Matt didn't deserve to keep getting hurt like this.
The likeliest scenario of Matt coming out was that his parents would take it as horribly and they'd never talk to him again, but maybe that wasn't the worst thing. That was Kelly's opinion anyways. He'd of course never say that aloud, he didn't want to hurt Matt's feelings.
Matt pulled away from Kelly reluctantly and began making his way to the front door. Kelly followed him, and leaned against the wall as he watched the blonde pull his shoes on. "Oh, can I take your car?" Matt asked when he'd finished lacing up. "My truck's nearly out of gas."
"Sure." Kelly replied, tossing him the keys off the shelf in the hall.
"Thanks." Matt grinned catching them midair, he was rather unenthused to be leaving but that wouldn't stop him from catching that contagious smile that was on Kelly's face. He turned and just had his knob on the door when Kelly came up to him and stopped him.
"What, no goodbye kiss?"
Matt chuckled and swept Kelly into his arms, their lips meeting happily. Inklings of smiles still on their faces as the world froze around them and their mouths became one. "Remind me again why I'm leaving?" Matt whispered against Kelly as he paused, their foreheads pressed together, eyes tightly closed.
"Because your parents are expecting you. And Matthew Casey never disappoints his parents." Kelly shook his head jokingly, smiling when Matt rolled his eyes and gave him a the middle finger.
"Love you." Matt chuckled fondly, opening the door.
"Love you." Kelly replied as he watched Matt walk out and to the car. "Drive safe!" He called out with a wave.
"Don't worry," Matt laughed as he opened the car door, "I won't hurt your baby."
"Perfect! Try to keep the car safe too," Kelly winked, watching until Matt disappeared out of view before heaving out a sigh and heading back inside.
~
Matt's heart felt all tangled up as he pulled into his parent's driveway. He had half a mind just to turn around because he knew what would happen, he knew how it would turn out. But family was family and he had to make an appearance, whether he liked it or not.
He stepped in the door and was immediately hit the smell of food. The food was never really that great here and he wasn't sure why they bothered to cook. It was typically either overcooked or simply burned into oblivion, but he was expected to eat it, so he did, even if it looked like a plate of tar. Did you know you can burn soup? Yeah, neither did Matt until last week. It was the strangest thing, that black liquid that tasted like blended up ashes and coal from a week-old campfire. It had a distinctly chalky texture, and it made Matt feel like he was going to projectile vomit. Thankfully he was able to hold that in until he made it home, but it was a close one.
"Matthew!" His name was called from the dinner table in the dinning room. It was his mother, her voice giving away how unimpressed she was. "You're 5 minutes late!"
Matt took a deep breath as he untied his shoes, kicking them off and setting them by the door. "Hello, mom." He replied as he entered the dinning room, "Dad, Christie." Matt greeted with a nod of his head. There was a man sitting between Christie and his Mom, someone he'd never seen before.
"Hi, I don't think we've had the pleasure. My name's Matt." The blonde reached out a hand towards the unfamiliar man. He looked about the same age as Matt, slicked back brown hair and dark green eyes that looked anything but friendly.
"Carter. Damien Carter." He was wearing a fancy tuxedo that put Matt's nice outfit to shame. Damien didn't bother to shake Matt's hand, just gave him a subtle nod before switching his gaze. Matt's eyebrow quirked in slight confusion as he retracted his arm and took his seat.
"Damien was at last weeks dinner too. If you would have bothered to show up you would have met him earlier." Matt's mother said disdainfully.
"I was on shift, remember?"
Nancy sighed in annoyance, "So? You should have been here. Is work more important than your family then?"
"No but-"
"No buts.." His father interjected, "Your mother's right. You should have been here."
Damien glanced up sceptically, "What is it, you uh.. do, Matt?"
"I'm a firefighter."
"Oh." He looked condescendingly at Matt. "That's, uh.. nice."
Matt groaned inwardly, the pompous ass. "And yourself?" He tried to plaster on his best fake smile.
"I'm a lawyer." Damien announced boastfully, "Top of my class, best in my league." He gave a firm nod.
"He is so good at what he does." Christie swooned and intertwined their fingers.
"He is so hardworking and determined," Nancy added, "You should really be more like him, Matthew."
"I-" Matt started but he was quickly interrupted by his father.
"I agree." Gregory nodded gruffly, "You could really learn a thing about being a real man from Damien here."
"A real man?" Matt questioned in disbelief. Yeah, because running into burning buildings to save people's lives, that wasn't what constituted as being a real man.
Christie guffawed loudly, "Yeah, have you looked yourself in the mirror lately? Let me just say, standards of men are not what they used to be."
"Exactly! Plus, I mean running around squirting water everywhere, that's no help to anyone!" His mother shook her head, "You know, Matthew, it's not too late to go back to school."
Matt was about to reply but his mother quickly stood, "I'll start registering you for some courses, just give me your credit card, Matthew. Anyways, I've got to go check the food." The blonde-haired lieutenant wondered why she was bothering to look at the food now, he could already smell the charred remains of whatever was burning on the stove.
Nancy soon returned with a steaming pot of some unrecognizable casserole that was mostly black and a little red and noodley. Matt guessed it was some kind of pasta, well, it looked like it used it be anyway.
Matt's father served it out, he gave a heaping scoop each to his wife, Christie, Damien, and he gave the last scoop to himself. Matt's plate stayed empty and nobody said anything, nobody really cared or noticed. Of course, the blonde didn't really care, the food likely tasted as horrible as it looked, but still. It gave him flashbacks to growing up, when he'd go to bed hungry most nights just because he'd done something wrong or got anything less than an A on an assignment. It didn't feel good to be treated like he was nothing more than a dust bunny under the couch.
Matt sat silently, sipping on a glass of lukewarm water and watching as his family ate.
"So Matthew, are you seeing anyone yet?" His mother asked. The age old question, the one she asked him nearly every Sunday.
Matt thought about saying no like he always did, but something about him and Kelly's conversation earlier clicked and before he knew it he was giving an answer he regretted the second after said it. "Yep."
His mother dropped her fork in surprise, her jaw dropping. "You are? Why didn't you tell me?!" She gasped much too loudly, he eyes wide.
"I just did-"
"What's her name?" Nancy interrupted before Matt could further explain.
Matt didn't bother correcting his mother, the idea of telling her it was actually a man just about scared him shitless. "Uh.. Kelly."
"Hmm. Not the worst name I suppose... You must bring her to dinner next week."
"Well, I don't kno-"
Matt's father interrupted, "Listen to your mother."
"Fine." Matt conceded with a sigh.
"Good." Nancy nodded harshly, "Is she successful?"
Matt sighed inwardly, still too scared to tell them the truth, but knowing that avoiding the question was definitely not going to happen. "Kelly is great, treats me well, I'm happy."
"Well we don't care about that, is she successful or not?" His mother barked angrily, frustrated at not getting a straight answer. Well, little did she know, there was nothing straight about her son.
"Kelly is very successful, one of the highest ranked at work."
Matt felt like he was going to puke, and it wasn't just because of the repulsive-smelling food. He was stressed beyond words, he felt claustrophobic as he shrunk inside himself.
His mother smiled, "Oh, good... Honestly, we never thought you'd make anything out of yourself, Matthew."
"Well, he hasn't, Nancy," Gregory laughed gruffly, "But he's found a woman who's at least worth something. Hell knows how he managed that..." He trailed off with a hefty shrug.
"This isn't a joke, right, Matthew?" Nancy questioned skeptically, a condescending glare shot his way by everyone in the room. "She's real, right?"
"Oh, trust me. Kelly's very real." Matt murmured softly, staring down at his half empty cup.
"In real life or in your dreams?" Christie joked, snorting like a pig as she chuckled. Everyone soon joined in, and soon Matt had four people laughing in his face.
"Both." Matt smiled softly, more to himself than anyone else. Kelly was the man of his dreams, that was for damn sure. His family sort of looked at him weird, like that was the stupidest thing they'd ever heard. Matt sort of shrunk further down into himself.
"Can't believe you could even manage having standards, Matt. I have no idea who the hell would be attracted to you." Christie remarked, laughing repugnantly.
Matt suddenly felt very self-conscious of himself. Maybe Kelly didn't find him attractive and he was just pretending, maybe he actually looked like shit. Matt didn't reply, just kinda stared down at the stained, dingy tablecloth.
"Oh, stop being so sensitive, Matthew." His father spoke in disgust as he watch Matt's eyes become a little more moist than they had been when he got here. "Honestly, you need to man up. You're so weak, no woman wants that. Nobody cares about your little feelings, so stop acting like pansy."
Matt straightened up a little bit and mentally tried to distance himself from his feelings. It was no easy task.
"You know, Matt. If you ever need any advice on being a real man, ask Damien." His mother was the one who suggested that, a grimace on he face as she tried to look at her son. He was well below the expectations she had had for him, he was a disappointment. Now that Christie was dating such a nice man, why couldn't Matt be like her, or Damien?
Matt continued not to say anything, but that wasn't taken very well by the family. What was there to say?
"Ask him!" Nancy whispered loudly, as if Damien wasn't there.
Matt pulled his hands onto his lap. He immediately reached to the finger where he wedding ring usually was, but soon remembered it wasn't there. He usually liked to spin it around when he began to feel anxious, a habit he'd built over the past couple of years?
"What?" He asked his mother, very unsure and wanting nothing more than to crawl under a rock and sleep forever.
Nancy shook her head in annoyance, a big frown on her face. "Ask Damien what you can do to make yourself less of a disappointment."
It wasn't the first time he'd been called a disappointment by her, and it probably wouldn't be the last, but it stung his heart just as much. Kelly always did say that Matt wore his heart on his sleeve, he wasn't wrong.
Matt's father butted in sleazily, "That's a great idea. You should do that, Matthew. You could surely learn a thing or two."
Matt froze and he just couldn't deal. He felt broken and unsure, and he needed to leave. But his legs wouldn't carry him away. "NOW!" His father yelled, spurring him into a field of anxiety. But he would do as his parents said because that's just who he was.
"Any suggestions for me, Damien?" Matt was embarrassed at his own voice, so small and defenceless.
"Well, I mean you could start with the way you dress. I mean, you look like a slob." Damien stared at him disapprovingly. "Maybe work on getting a better job, I mean firefighting?"
Damien kept talking but Matt stopped listening. He couldn't bear it. Everyone was right, he was such a disappointment and he knew it, he didn't deserve anything more than a cardboard box.
Matt suffered through two more hours of dinner before the talking finally died down, "I've got to go." He squeaked, standing up and pushing his chair to the table.
He made to leave but was stopped by a strong hand grabbing his arm hard enough to stop the blood flow. "Thank your mother for the lovely food, Matthew." His father demanded, angry that Matt hadn't done that earlier.
Matt wanted to grunt in frustration, let them all know he hadn't had a bite of food because everyone else had eaten it and he didn't get any. But he was too tired to fight. "Thanks for the food, Mom."
"You better bring Kelly next week. And dress nicer, I agree with Damien, you look like you just came off the streets." She eyed him wearily, unimpressed.
Matt didn't reply, just walked away because he knew if he stayed just a few seconds longer, he'd be having a breakdown and he'd start crying. It happened every week, every single fucking time that he went to their house. He was just so damn broken, his family was breaking him and what the hell was he even supposed to do about that? He couldn't just cut them out of his life, he was too loyal. And he couldn't stop coming over for dinner because that would be rude.
Matt didn't even bother lacing up his shoes, just pulled them on and quickly ran to the car. He quickly got in and locked the door behind him. Matt looked down to his hands, they were shaking. He was in no state to drive, but Matt knew he needed to get the hell out of here, so he turned the key and started the ignition.