Archive of Our Own ^beta

The burning in my gut grew as I watched the little girl get bombarded by fans. It was the end of the concert we held at a school fundraiser. By the time we got off stage, the redhead was surrounded by a bunch of squealing girls to the point where I could barely see her red locks despite how brightly it would stand out in such a crowd.

"Tch..."

I crossed my arms over my chest as I gave that crowd one more look before turning my head away. I didn't understand why I even had such a feeling burning inside me. There was no reason to be bitter towards the innocent sweetheart. Knowing her, she was probably freaking out because of large crowd of girls who she wasn't all that close with. Maybe she was even a bit overwhelmed. I wouldn't be surprised to hear her small, squeaky voice any at any moment, calling out for someone to help her. I had half the mind to go over there myself to check on her, but I decided against that. Let the girl enjoy her adoring fans. Anyone would be glad to have such a crowd surrounding them.

A few girls did approach me to take some pictures and get my autograph, but not nearly as many as Ruby. Geez... I don't get why people are so drawn to her. I guess she's cute and small... She makes the silliest expressions that you can't help but smile at. She- okay there's a lot of things to like about her but still!

I look over to where Ruby had been standing. The crowd had died down but there was still quite a few people waiting. The girls wrapped their arms around the timid girl, holding her so fondly as if they knew her personally. Ruby looked so uncomfortable, but she's such a good kid, smiling anyway as they took their pictures. Nnn... The burning feeling was growing again. I don't like it. I assumed it was because there wasn't anyone else fawning over the fallen Angel Yohane or honestly very few people would take pictures with me like that. Hmph! It's probably my cool, senpai-ish vibe that makes them keep their cool around me.

Yeah that's it. No reason to be jealous of Ruby for such a silly thing like that.
---------

But the burning feeling still stayed even after some time had passed. I noticed it again during practice up on the rooftop. I sat down at my usual spot while we took our break. Hanamaru had decided to sit down next to me today, but I didn't pay much attention to her, merely nodding and responding here and there while drinking my juice. The whole time my eyes were glued to Ruby who was talking to You and Chika, her sub group. The three of them were laughing about something, but I couldn't tell what. There were too many conversations going on between the nine of us making it hard to hear anyone unless they were right next to you the way Hanamaru was with me- although by now I was tuning the girl out.

Mari had approached the trio, muttering some teasing comment from my understanding since right after, Ruby squeaked and stumbled backwards. Kanan managed to catch her in her arms before she could fall down to the floor. You and Chika were laughing along with Mari while Dia was busy scolding her for being so... Well Mari. All the while Kanan continued to hug Ruby rather fondly. I guess that was because they were childhood friends. As the scene unfolded some more, all of them laughed. Even Ruby managed to muster a chuckle herself, smiling her usual bright smile.

This tightening... Burning feeling inside me was getting rather annoying. I sat there for a while trying to understand why I was feeling it this time.

It's not fair, I reasoned. Ruby is so shy and quite, yet she manages to make everyone around her so happy. Everyone loves her and it's so obviously stated. No matter how hard I try, I keep messing up and scaring people off with my fallen angel antics. Heck, I'm pretty sure even my friends here think from time to time that my shenanigans were annoying. This is why there are days I would rather just sit here and mind myself instead of joining the conversation of the rest of the group no matter how much I wanted to jump in. It was just better this way.

Maybe the burning feeling would go away if I just acted a bit more normal so that I could easily approach my friends and fans. That's how Ruby did it right? Damn she's such a natural at this friend thing. Whatever. I'm sure the feeling would go away if I just ignore it.
---

Of course to my bad luck, the feeling just kept growing and growing instead of dying down. I reached my tipping point when Hanamaru was being really cutesy with Ruby one day at lunch. It was disgustingly gay in my opinion. The two might as well just date if they were going to keep it up like that.

The two had brought homemade bentos like they always have done. Ruby's shiny emeralds sparkled at the sight of Hanamaru's sweet potato wedges causing Hanamaru to laugh. The brunette took a wedge with her chopsticks and fed a bite to the other. Ruby happy accepted the food, squealing a little as she chewed on her favorite food. She offered some of her own bento lunch to Hanamaru who also opened her mouth to accept the food.

Hmph. Dumb burning feeling. You want me to try to explain it again huh? My damn body won't just let me enjoy my stupid lunch.

Okay let's see... I guess it's because Ruby is so close to Hanamaru. Hanamaru was my childhood friend, back when we were in kindergarten together... I suppose I haven't seen her since then besides in passing by here and there. It was a small town after all and it was easy to run into just about everyone from time to time, but other than that we haven't seen each other since.

Am I jealous of Ruby because I like Hanamaru? It sounds like the only reasonable explanation but... No, that's stupid. I can't possibly like Zuramaru of all people. I certainly have known her for a long period of time so it would make sense that Maru would end up with me, but Ruby and Zuramaru are BEST FRIENDS so them ending up together made sense too. I mean look at them!

But the time I gathered my thoughts, the two of them were practically cuddling. Their hands were interlaced as Ruby rested her head again Hanamaru's shoulder. Zuramaru was telling her a story I think but I was too lost in my own thoughts to recall what she was saying. Anyways they looked so happy together! There was no way Zuramaru would like me like that anyway when she could have such a perfect girl like Ruby... Ruby was so much better than I could ever be, especially for Hanamaru...

"Yohane-chan...?"

A small voice brought me out of my thoughts. I looked up to find that both of them staring at me with a worried expression. Ruby's expression, despite how cute it was, only made the fire inside me grow.

"What?" I asked rather aggressively, at least I think it was aggressive since Ruby jumped back a little.

"Y-you look upset..." Ruby managed to stutter out after a second, probably recovering from her being startled by my tone.

"What do you care?"

Maybe I shouldn't have said that. The hurt look on Ruby's face made my heart drop, or maybe it was just because Hanamaru was practically ready to punch me in the face for upsetting the redhead.

"What's your problem?" Maru snapped at me, her voice losing all its sweetness as she defended her best friend. "Ruby just wanted to know if you're alright."

"I don't see why it matters to her." I retorted before I could actually think about what I was saying. I always was the impulsive one, especially when angered. The way Zuramaru was talking to me was just making me feel so defensive on top of all these weird feeling I was already dealing with. I'm just frustrated.

"D-did... Did Ruby do something to upset Yohane-chan?" The tears were starting to form in Ruby's eyes. Damn this girl. Even though she was the object of my frustrations, I couldn't help but feel like a terrible human being for making her upset. Maybe this is why no one likes me.

"Just... J-just stay away from me Ruby!" I regretted that the moment I said that. Before I could see Ruby's reaction with my own eyes, I got up and started running away. I could hear Hanamaru yelling at me to come back and I swear I could hear a faint muffled sob escape the other's lips, but I didn't want to think about it. All I wanted was some peace and quite.
-----

Class was awkward as hell. My seat was next to Hanamaru's while Ruby was at her other side. When I walked into the classroom and sat down, neither said anything to me, which I was relieved. I could tell Hanamaru was holding back but whatever the reason, she kept her mouth shut.

I just sat there the rest of class trying to finish my work. The faster this was done, the faster we could have practice, and the faster I can just go home. I noticed Ruby's distressed expression as she looked my way a couple times, but as soon as I turned my head and my eyes met hers, she would flinch and turn back to her own assignment. Hanamaru glared at me and I got the message.

I screwed up.

Once class was over, I quickly left the classroom before Hanamaru stop me. One more obstacle and I could go home.

After changing into my practice outfit I headed upstairs to the roof. Hanamaru and Ruby had made it there before me like always. Despite what had happened earlier, Ruby looked so happy as she talked to Riko, You and Dia. Maybe she had gotten over it and we could all move on?

Dia waved at me and the rest of the group turned to say hi. As soon as that happened, my previous glimpse of hope died as Ruby jumped in her spot and quickly looked away from me. She scurried off to Kanan and Mari who were having their on conversation across from the group Ruby had been talking to. Dia raised an eyebrow at me as did Riko and You, causing me to blush slightly and look away. Shit. I forgot if Dia found out, I was a dead girl.

I kept praying and praying to the gods above to let me survive the rest of practice, but of course my bad luck wouldn't give me a break. What was the point of praying to the gods anyway if they were just going to let me suffer despite my prayers to them. Geez.

"Ruby. You'll be Yoshiko's partner for this routine." You announced nonchalantly, eyes still staring at her notes as she spoke.

To everyone's surprise, Ruby spoke up rather quickly. "C-can I be Maru-chan's partner?"

"Huh? Hanamaru-chan will be dancing with Mari for this song tho?" Riko looked up from her shared notes with You, rather confused. I think everyone but Hanamaru and I were surprised by Ruby's behavior. We both knew Ruby was just doing as I asked and staying away from me.

"You and Yoshiko would be fine partners, Ruby." Kanan tried to reassure her, as if Ruby was just nervous to have a new partner.

However she shook her head. It looked like she was about to say something but she couldn't think of a good enough excuse to give.

Again, I made eye contact with Dia who glared at me intensely. She definitely knew something was up.

"Now now Ruby, no need to be nervous." Mari chirped as she went behind the smaller girl and pushed her towards me. "I promise I won't take Maru-chan away from you~ You will do an AMAZING job with Yoshiko-chan!"

By the time Ruby was shoved into my arms, she squealed. Her eyes were filled with tears as she looked up at me. "G-g-gomenasai Yo-Yohane-chan!" She stammered nervously. Her face was bright red and she closed her eyes, crying so she couldn't see my face. "I'm trying to d-do what you asked I s-swear!"

"Huh? What did you ask Ruby-chan to do?" Chika tilted her head, very much confused by what was going on.

"I would like to know as well." Dia said very sternly. It was obvious that she meant business.

"Ehhh-" I struggled to form any coherent words.

"P-please don't be angry! I'm sorry. I'll stay away!" Ruby whimpered before running towards the door and back into the school.

"What did you do?" It didn't matter who said that. Either way, everyone was staring at me, looking for answers the would surely get me killed. Heck, I didn't even know how to respond. Sure I came up with some ideas for why I was feeling the way I did, but I didn't really understand what was going on.

"I- I-..." What the hell was I going to say. My eyes met Hanamaru's, desperately begging her for help, but the other merely huffed at me and I knew I was on my own on this one. "I don't know..."

"What do you mean you don't know. It's gotta be something!" Dia growled at me. I jumped away from her, fearful for my life. Thankfully Kanan held the older Kurosawa back, though she too looked at me with disappointment.

"Don't pressure her or you're got going to get anything out of her." I managed to hear Kanan mumble to the fuming older sister.

"Shouldn't someone go check on Ruby?" Chika asked. She looked more worried about Ruby than angry at me, but then again this was Chika we were talking about.

"Maybe we should go look for her...?" Riko agreed, the same look of concern was plastered across her face.

Hanamaru shook her head, which made everyone look at her for a second. I was about to run off while everyone's attention was away from me, but changed my mind when I noticed Mari leaning against the exist, eyes telling me I wasn't going anywhere until everyone allowed me to.

"Leave her alone for now, zura." Hanamaru said calmly.

"W-what? Shouldn't you of all people be the most concern besides Dia-senpai?" Chika questioned in disbelief.

Again Hanamaru shook her head then gave me a rather eerie smile. Everyone's gaze turned back to me and I just knew that everyone was on the same page that Hanamaru knew exactly what was going on. "I think Yoshiko should be the one to go get her. She does have to apologize after all."

"Apologize for what though..." You mumbled in an annoyed and confused. "We still don't know what Yoshiko did to upset her so bad."

"Ruby did say she was trying to do as Yoshiko asked..." Mari mumbled over the thought, tapping a finger to her lips as she spoke. "Then she ran off saying she'd stay away."

"Did you tell Ruby to stay away from you?" Kanan furrowed her eyesbrows probably bewildered as to why I would tell her to do that.

"Why would you want Ruby to stay away from you?" Chika tilted her head and pouted at me.

You made the same face. It was obvious to me that the sub unit was close, seeming as they were so fond of their Ruby. "I can't imagine Ruby purposefully doing something to make you angry at her."

"I'm not angry!" I growled, feeling defensive again now that everyone was on my case. Everyone is so concern of poor little Ruby but no one gets that I'm also having a lot of strange feeling that I don't understand and I'm just a mess too! Why isn't anyone worried about me too... Oh yeah. Because they don't know.

"You sound pretty angry..." Riko frowned at me.

"I'm not! I'm j-just... Frustrated okay?" I stumbled over my words as I spoke. It was so hard to form proper sentences when everyone was bombarding me like this.

"What are you frustrated about?" Kanan asked softly. I could tell she was trying to get everyone to relax.

I stared at her before blurting out before I could stop myself. "Ruby!"

"Did she do something to make you feel like that?"

"N-no? I mean... yes? I don't know!" I wanted to curl up in a ball and hide by this point. I closed my eyes so I didn't have to look at anyone in the eyes, but it didn't help much to calm me down. Words began to pour out of my mouth before I could stop myself. Curse my impulsive nature. "Everything about her frustrates me. Just looking at her makes me so- I don't know! She's so cute and precious and everyone loves her despite her faults. I don't know it makes this weird hot feeling bubble inside me whenever she's surrounded by fans or all of you guys or she's being all lovey dovey with Hanamaru! I mean Zuramaru was my friend first but I'm not like that with her."

I finally opened my eyes to realize I had been crying. Was I really that frustrated by all this? Why was I even telling everyone these things. Heck I don't even remember half of what I said since I just let whatever popped into my head come out of my mouth. "Maybe I'm jealous of her and I snapped okay... I didn't mean to. I'm sorry."

"Jealous... Of Ruby?" Chika repeated as if what I said was weird.

Finally after all this time, Hanamaru spoke up again. She was laughing as if this was the funniest thing she had heard in her life. It made me want to cry more. To think she of all people would be laughing as I tried to explain the way I was feeling to everyone, but then she spoke up to explain.

"I've been watching you for a while Yoshiko." She merely said as she wiped the tears off the corner of her eyes. "Trust me, you're not jealous of Ruby."

"It's not?" Riko asked.

"It sounds like jealousy to me." You muttered with a sigh.

"Sounds like Yoshiko has a crush on Maru-chan." Chika piped in which made me blush.

"No... Trust me. There's just some things you guys don't notice, zura." Hanamaru smiled innocently.

I frowned at her, not able to follow where she was going with this. "Then what is it. Why else and I feeling like this."

Instead of answering me directly, Hanamaru giggled and winked at me. "That's for you to figure out on your own."

"Eh...?" I seriously don't understand what Hanamaru was talking about. Why can't she just tell me? To make matters worse, Kanan and Mari seemed to understand what Hanamaru went and giggled along with her. I hate this. This is just making me more frustrated.

Hanamaru nodded to the rest of the group. When I turned around Mari moved away from the door which I suppose meant I could leave now.

I felt someone hovering over me and when turned back from looking at Mari, Dia was standing directly in front of me with a menacing expression. "You better find her and make her feel better so help me god, Yoshiko!"

I choked and gulped with a nod. I turned away to run downstairs, the whole time trying to understand what Hanamaru meant and what I was going to tell Ruby when I found her.
------

It took me a while to find Ruby, but I finally found her curled up in the courtyard in a secluded area of the school. Once I spotted her, I just stood there for a moment, debating the best way to go about this. Should I just tell her how I was feeling... Or maybe that would upset her more and I could just apologize... But that would leave her without an explanation and that was no good either. I decided to just wing it and see where it went.

"R-ruby...?"

Despite me stuttering her name softly, the girl still jumped. She stared at me with puffy eyes. It was clear as day that she had been crying.

"Yohane-chan... I'm... I'm doing ask you asked. I'm.."

I sat down next to her and cut her off before she could start panicking some more. "Hey... Relax. Please?"

She took a second to breath then she nodded her head. She refused to look up at me however, and instead played with her hands in her lap.

"Look. Ruby... I'm sorry. I was just frustrated and I took it out on you." I tried to explain the best I could. I tried to talk slowly so that I could think of what I was saying before I said it. God knows if I let my impulsiveness take over me again, I might upset Ruby even more. I didn't want that.

"D-don't be sorry... Ruby must have done s-something wrong to make you upset. I'm s-so soooo sorry..." The girl whimpered covering her eyes and I could tell she was going to cry again. "Whatever I did, please forgive me. I'll s-stay away if it makes you happy..."

Her words made my heart hurt. I really hurt her feelings that badly didn't I? I really should watch what I say and my tone around the sensitive girl. Seeing her like this made me feel like the shittiest person in the world honestly. Seriously, who has the heart to hurt such a precious angel?

I wrapped my arms around her awkwardly, not used to hugging anyone or being touchy feelsy in general. I just really wanted to make her feel better. The girl flinched at my touch however, making me feel as though I has shattered glass. I was about to let go, but Ruby wrapped her arms around me and clung tightly. Her face was buried at my chest, making my shirt wet with tears. I could tell Ruby was trying her best to calm down, holding back her whimpers and trying to steady her breathing. I tried to help her by hugging back tighter and rubbing her back.

The feeling of holding her felt so nice that as some point, I picked her up a little and had her sit on my lap so I could hold her closer to me. She didn't fight back so I assumed it was okay to do so. Actually her grip on me tightened, encouraging me to continue my actions. I buried my face in those red lock of hers, nuzzling her softly while breathing in the sweet scent of strawberries. To think this girl even smelled as sweet as she acts. I was completely content staying like that. I wish we could stay like that longer, but my bad luck was always close at my side.

Ruby pulled away from me, her arms letting go of me much to my displeasure though she didn't move away from my lap. "I'm sorry I couldn't help myself... Thank you for comforting me... I can go now if you w-want." She mumbled in a hoarse voice. "I p-promise I'll do a better job at staying away."

"No." I said quickly tightening my grip around her waist and frowning. Before I could stop myself, I muttered. "Please stay with me."

"B-but Yohane-chan said-"

"I didn't mean it... I... I actually meant the complete opposite."

"Yo..shiko..." I felt her hand cup my face and her thumb gently brush my cheek. I looked at her questioningly until I realized I was crying again. I just felt so bad about all of this.

"I don't want Ruby to stay away from me. I w-want to be close to you. You always seem out of reach..." As I said that, everything started to make sense. I wasn't jealous of Ruby for having so many fans. I was jealous that they were all over her, touching her and being close to her even though they didn't know her one bit. They didn't know she was sensitive and easily frightened. They didn't know she was tolerating and doing her rubesty to be polite to all of them even though being surrounded by so many people made her anxious. I was jealous that they would take up so much of her time just to take pictures and get her autograph. I was jealous that they had the guts to approach her when even though Ruby and I were classmates, teammates and friends, I still found myself struggling to approach her.

I wasn't jealous of Ruby for being so good with all of our friends. I wasn't jealous of the relationships she had with them. I was jealous because I didn't have that with her. I was jealous that she was laughing and smiling around with everyone all the time, but I often wasn't the one making her laugh or smile. Heck I'm the reason she cried so much today. I hate that so much. I'm jealous of everyone that can make her happy because I can't.

I'm not jealous of Ruby for stealing Hanamaru. I don't have a crush on Hanamaru one bit. I'm jealous of how cutesy Ruby is with Hanamaru. I'm jealous of how close the two best friends were, to the point that it was disgustingly sweet and they looked like a couple. They held hands and shared food and cuddled all the time. I want that. I want that with Ruby. I'm jealous of Zanamaru for being able to do such things with Ruby and I'm jealous because Zanamaru probably holds Ruby's heart.

I was never, ever jealous of Ruby. The burning feeling I get whenever my eyes meet hers... The way she makes it harder to breath just by the sound of her voice... The way my heart races and my face heats up whenever she's being her adorable self... All those strange feelings that frustrated me because I didn't understand it... It wasn't because I was jealous of Ruby. It's because I'm in love with her.

"Ruby isn't out of reach silly. I'm right here." Ruby's sweet voice brought me out of my thoughts. her hand was still touching me cheek, I guess because I was still crying huh? I couldn't help but nuzzle myself into the girl's hand as I closed my eyes.

"Don't go away. Please don't stay away from me." I requested of her, hoping that the way I said it didn't sound too desperate.

The sound of her giggle made my heart feel lighter. "Ruby will stay with you as long as you want."

I felt her arms wrap around my neck as she buried her face at my shoulder. I took the opportunity to nuzzle into her neck, her sweet scent making me feel safe. Does this mean there's a chance she liked me back?

"W-what if... What if I want you to stay forever?" I asked rather boldly. It was an odd question but I was always an odd girl.

Her answer did surprise me and made my heart skip a beat.

"Then I'll stay with you forever." She said, as if were the most obvious answer in the world.

I had the urge to smoother her in kisses, to grab her cheeks and press my lips against hers. I had the urge to ask her more questions like of she like me the way I like her, or if she wants to be my girlfriend. I has the urge to tell her I love her... But I decided against a of that. Instead I stayed silent as I continued to pull her close as humanly possible to me. I could ask all those questions later. Right now I was content with how we were at this moment. The burning feeling was no longer unbearable and irritating- instead it was warm and welcoming, like the warm fireplace and hot chocolate on a snowy day. At that moment I had what I needed and want about to ruin it by wishing got anything else. Knowing my bad luck... It was safer to just enjoy this perfect moment. For once, I was completely happy.