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Soonyoung felt like his heart is gonna go out of his chest. There's this certain itch in his throat that any cough medicine won't be able to solve. One hand lightly punching his chest, other hand on the sink for support. He can feel his eyes roll to the back of his head, tears falling one after another as gagging sounds were heard in this small comfort room. He leaned forward a couple more times before he fell on his knees, hand still on the sink. He took calming breaths before standing up once again. He opened his eyes, his gaze falling on the red on the sink. "Roses," he thought. A bitter smile escaped his lips as he wrapped some stems with his handkerchief. He stared at the sink, watching as those remaining petals get flushed to the drain. He now looks at the bunch of red roses in his hand and shook his head. "I have to remove these thorns."
When he gets back to their dorm, he removed the thorns with utmost care. Gently, not wanting to ruin the flowers, he removed each thorn while thinking of the person who will receive these lovely bunch. His mind that wondered off was brought back to reality when he felt a stinging sensation on his pointer finger. It should hurt, it would've hurt, but Soonyoung has experienced far worse that this tiny wound doesn't hurt much. Not wanting his blood to be left on the stem, he quickly wiped the wound covering it with band aid afterwards. After removing the thorns, he arranges the roses, all twelve of it, into a small bouquet. He wraps it nicely in a yellow felt paper and patterned plastic before wrapping a thin, brown thread-like material around its base. He gets the card and writes a short message. He looks at it and smiles at how pretty the flowers are. He pressed a soft kiss on the petals of the flowers, wishing his love would receive these kisses instead. He then stood up and left it on Jihoon's desk. He snickered at how tragic his first love is, tears falling afterwards.
Soonyoung laid back on his bed. He looked at his ceiling, reminiscing how it came to this.
The first time Soonyoung threw up petals and flowers, it was about three months ago. Back then, it wasn't purely roses. He threw up baby's breath with azaleas along with those roses, red and white. They didn't have big thorns back then. It was odd because even after Jihoon broke his heart when he said that he started dating this guy from their university, Jihoon's words, "I like roses, they're so pretty." Is what echoed in his head. Not wanting to throw these beautiful flowers, he searched the depth of his mind for a flower arrangement lesson he learned from a friend back then. He buys the wrapping materials in a nearby bookstore. After a couple of minutes, a mini bouquet now on Jihoon's desk, a satisfied smile on his face.
Jihoon goes home exhausted from school that day, but he smiles as soon as he saw these pretty flowers. Soonyoung feels his heart flutter upon seeing Jihoon smiling at the sight of his flowers. Jihoon turns to him, holding the flowers in his hand.
"I told you that Seungcheol really likes me. He even gave me roses!"
Jihoon says as he smiled from ear to ear. Soonyoung can feel his heart break like a glass that fell on the floor. He smiles, nevertheless. Soonyoung phones his friend that night, asking if he knew what condition he has.
"What? The person threw up flowers, you say?"
"Mmhmm." Soonyoung hummed in response.
"Who is this friend that you speak of, Soonyoung? Was it Jihoon?!" Worry was heard in his friends voice.
"No, it's not Jihoon." Soonyoung says, a sad smile on his face. His friend on the other line was quiet for a short while before he answered.
"So it's because of Jihoon, huh." A hint of sadness evident in his friend's voice.
"What do you mean, Woo?" Soonyoung felt so confused.
"Hanahaki disease. That's what you're going through, Soonyoung." Soonyoung remained silent, his friend on the other line speaks once again.
"It's caused by unrequited love."
And things started to make sense in Soonyoung's head.
It has been three months since then, and Soonyoung threw up various flowers along with roses. However, this was the first time he threw up twelve red roses without other flowers mixed with it. When Jihoon came home to their shared dorm room that day, he was delighted. "These flowers always makes my day," he says. Soonyoung felt happy. In his little ways, he could make Jihoon genuinely happy, even if Jihoon thinks they're from a different person.
"Hoonie, what's your favorite among the bouquets you've received so far?" Soonyoung asks out of curiosity, he sat on the floor as he watched reruns of some drama on the television. Jihoon stopped whatever he's doing. He turns his swivel chair so that he could see his best friend. He tapped his pen against his pouted lips before he spoke.
"I really liked it all, though the bouquet with only red roses were really pretty. One made a large impact however." Jihoon says as he points his pen towards Soonyoung's direction, a gesture he does whenever he talks to someone. Soonyoung found it cute, but Jihoon doesn't have to know.
Jihoon continues. "Those irises with acacia, I didn't think they'd go well with roses. I was pretty amazed, the florist did a good job." Jihoon smiled at the memory, but his face quickly changed to an expression of curiosity. "Why do you ask?"
Soonyoung shook his head. "I'm asking for a f-friend."
Jihoon stood up and walked towards Soonyoung's direction. He sat in front of his bestfriend and grinned. "And who might that friend be?" Soonyoung feigns innocence and tried to focus on whatever is playing on the tv. Jihoon ruffles Soonyoung's hair. "My god, I can't believe you're a grownup now, buying flowers for someone, huh?" Soonyoung held the hand that was on his head, stopping it from further ruining his hairstyle. He indulges on the feeling of touching Jihoon's hand before Jihoon pats his head one more time. "Let me know who the unlucky person is, okay? I can't be missing out on my bestfriend's love life!" He says before he returns to his desk.
"Bestfriend, of course." Soonyoung thought to himself. He then remembered the meaning of the flowers in Jihoon's favorite bouquet and lets out a bitter laugh. Acacia, concealed love; Irises, Your friendship matters to me. Soonyoung laughs at how ironic it is and how playful the world can be.
Jihoon decides he's done enough and decides to watch the drama with his friend, but his watching was cut short when he hears his friend fall on his knees as he tried to stand up. His hand covered his lips. Jihoon hurried over to where his friend was, giving him support for Soonyoung to be able to stand up. What shocked him, however, is when his friend for almost twenty years started coughing up petals.
They were roses.
Soonyoung was sent to the hospital. The doctors says there's nothing more they can do for the patient and that the patient wished to give Jihoon something. It was the last rose, it had large thorns, but it was very beautiful. The doctor explained that Soonyoung did not wish for his memoried or feelings be removed, "Even those painful memories are still memories with the one I love," he says.
Soonyoung dies that night, and Jihoon had mourned for his precious friend.
A week after Soonyoung died, Jihoon started coughing up bright yellow petals.
49 days after Soonyoung's death, a lovely bunch of small sunflowers and daisies which reminded Jihoon so much of Soonyoung rested inside the glass that held the urn of Soonyoung's ashes. If Soonyoung was alive, he wouldn't agree that Soonyoung was like those flowers; he'd say Jihoon is more beautiful than them.
Jihoon doesn't know how long it has been, but he's been coughing up petals as he laid on his bed. The red of his blood now mixed with the yellow color of the beautiful sunflowers. He looks up at the ceiling, lets the tear escape his eye and smiles.
He lets the sunflowers grow, and now it has become to big that it blocked the air from entering his lungs, depriving Jihoon of the oxygen he needed to survive.
One of his friend discovered his body the next day, surrounded by sunflowers as he held a withered rose with lots of thorns. If Soonyoung is alive, he would still say that Jihoon is far more beautiful than each flower both of them threw up, but he isn't.
Jihoon and Soonyoung; both of them are not alive, not anymore.