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Little Andrew cooed against Verity’s shoulder as she bounced him gently. The days following her birth had been trying, but also full of almost endless joy. Almost, save for the pain in Demelza’s face when she’d come to help with her lying-in that Verity could not forget. She would not speak to what Ross had done, but it had to have been truly horrible for him to have stolen the joy and optimism that had always seem so integral to Demelza’s character, and so unfailing even in the most trying of times.
She could guess what it was about, of course. Aside from the cruel loss of Julia (she held little Andrew closer at the memory), it was the only thing she knew to cause her cousin great pain - Ross’s feelings for Elizabeth. Yet something had clearly changed. Demelza had moved past worry to what Verity feared was despair.
Elizabeth and Ross’s relationship had always seemed to be remembered by Ross as something crafted of untouchable perfection. Years ago, Verity had fear the loss of that relationship had irreparably harmed him. Then over the subsequent years, seeing him with Demelza and knowing how he felt for her, she’d thought he had realized something new. Not perfect, but true, and deeper that what he’d known with Elizabeth. Yet she’d seen how he’d elevated that past relationship - and the woman he’d shared it with - these past months, through the troubling events that seemed to plague her cousins. She could imagine how Ross could lose himself in remembering the simplicity and joy of his earlier life and yearn for it. And of course, tied up as that time had been with Elizabeth, he sought escape his present troubles by visiting her. But not in that way, surely. Would he not?
Verity pushed that voice away. Of course he would not be so foolish, nor so caught up in his memories of a simpler time that he would forget what he had now, that he would lose himself so much as to attempt to cross into that time… The memory of the pain in Demelza’s eyes brought her to an answer she could not accept.
Blissfully, a knock at her door interrupted her somber thoughts.
~*~
Ross rapped smartly on the neat, black habour-front door in Truro. He’d been remiss not to visit sooner, and would not leave without bidding the cousin he’d long loved as a sister goodbye.
The door opened to reveal one of the few people he could trust to bring him joy. “Verity! I have come to meet my newest cousin.”
Her normally round face, softer now due to her recent pregnancy did not immediately light upon seeing him as it once had. She scanned his uniform before seeming to reach some sort of decision. Her smile - brief and sad - never reached her eyes, yet she embraced him and led him in. For a second when she’d first recognized who was at her door Ross could have swore he glimpsed disappointment in her normally warm brown eyes. What had Demelza told her?
He followed her into the quaint little parlour, where she picked up a little swaddled bundle from the crib that rested by the table.
Verity attempted another smile, but quickly looked down when she was unable to sustain it. “This is Andrew, the light in my life.”
Ross gently took the baby, careful not to wake him. He seemed to have his father’s features, but Ross was sure he could see something of Verity in the roundness of his eyes.
“He is beautiful Verity, you and Captain Blamey should be proud.”
Verity’s smile shone true this time, bringing out the soft beauty that many failed to see in her as she took her son back in her arms. “Oh we are, of course. Andrew was overjoyed, and James and Esther have been so sweet with him…”
The light in her left as swiftly as it had come, and she replaced Andrew in his crib.
When she turned back to him, her face was troubled. “Ross, please tell me my eyes deceive me and that you are not to rejoin the army.”
He smiled gently; he had half-expected such a reaction. “I am a soldier, Verity, I must do my duty.”
Her mouth hardened in a way he was entirely unused to from her, his earlier fears bubbling up within him.
“What about your duty to your family? To your wife?”
His happiness cooled, but he kept himself in check. “They are well, and the mine prospers. All is stable -“
Verity made a small, strangled noise of disbelief. “Ross we both know that is not true.”
Anger sparked within him. How dare Demelza tell her of their private matters. “How much did she tell you?”
“She did not have to say much!" Verity lowered her voice as Andrew made a soft noise of displeasure, but persisted. "Everyone can see how you’ve been acting this past while, and from Demelza’s demeanour, I believe you have gone further than I could have feared.”
Ross clenched his fists, momentarily considering tact. He abandoned it, but kept his voice down.
“I regret it, of course I do, but I’m not there, I’m with her and Jeremy, and the mine had yielded riches beyond what we could have dreamed!”
Verity sat heavily, yet did not turn her eyes from him. “Please tell me you did not try to convince her to be happy with that.”
As with Demelza, he could not fathom why Verity would fail to see why this was joyful news, and he told her so, his voice bristling with irritation.
The disappointment he’d glimpsed earlier resurfaced. “Ross, what do you think she married you for?”
He stared at her uselessly “That… what does that have to do with…”
“Do you honestly think she cares a jot what that you will have riches when what she treasured most appears lost?”
Despair caught in his windpipe, and he could not answer. “We’ve struggled with that for so long, I cannot undo what I have done but we can move forward…”
Verity stood and walked away, gathering her composure. When she looked back, her eyes were not cold as he expected, but sad, which was somehow worse.
“You cannot hide your troubles beneath good news in other quarters Ross, and you cannot rebuild a relationship by ignoring what destroyed it.”
“I know I did wrong but she does not care if we are mended!” In his passion, he barely missed a vase packed with bluebells that sat on the table. “Did she tell you she went to Hugh Bodrugan’s ball and shared caresses with Malcolm McNeil?” He almost spat the words, and satisfaction fanned his anger as the shock in his cousin’s eyes answered for her. “And then when I thought to leave for the war, she told me it did not matter to her whether I went to war or stayed. She -“
Verity cut off her cousin’s angry tirade, shock giving way once more to frustration. “Can you not think why she did and said such things?”
Cut off mid-rant, Ross’s anger had prevented him from considering anything beyond its comforting sharpness.
“She was trying to make you feel the pain you’d caused her, trying to communicate what you are so intent on ignoring.” Her eyes implored his understanding, and he could not face them. “For all she knows - for I know well from this conversation that you have never apologized for what you’ve broken - you no longer love her. Ross she’s feared this for months, years even. I know you loved her and dearly hope you still do but you assume she will know without you telling her of it but how could she given how you behave?”
She paused, evidently struggling with something she wished to say to him.
“She once told me that marriage was much like religion.” Her voice was soft now, mournful. “Either you have faith in it or you do not. Ross, you have shattered that faith and now have the gaul to be angered that she is heartbroken?”
He could not look at her and could not speak. Her words found a truth he’d locked away, sure that facing it meant the end of his marriage.
“Cousin, I love you and do not mean to harm you but Demelza does not deserve such poor treatment. You must face the pain you have caused, for her sake.” She took his hands and he forced himself to meet her eyes. “Apologize and work to restore her faith.”
He felt as though she’d swilled him under the pump, but it was his own words that chilled him to the bone. “And if I can’t…”
Verity was silent, but her earnest eyes reflected the truth he could not speak.