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"Do you ever think about how we're getting older by the day?"
William doesn't even look at him in the eyes, but well, he rarely does.
This time though, there's something different in the way he's silently staring at the thousands of bright lights in front of them.
It's like he's contemplating the view, as silent as always, he ponders about something Chris can't quite get without a verbal explanation.
So he tries his best, his gaze shifts from looking at his best friend to unsuccessfully trying to pinpoint an answer by focusing on Oslo, loud and alive on this cold Thursday night.
Nothing.
What the hell is he even staring so intensely at, it's literally the same boring city skyline they've been looking at for years now, sitting on top of this hill, sharing a package of this particular brand of cigarettes ("the good ones, Chris, only the best for us").
You know, Chris can't really remember when this sort of tradition of theirs became a weekly recurrence. It just felt right, it still does.
Things are always the same up here. William's car parked behind their backs, this big old tree that lets its leaves create a blanket for them to sit on in winter and provides shade in summer, the shiny lighter sitting between their crossed legs.
It almost feels like home, Chris thinks, the one place you go back to whenever you're feeling lost.
It gives Chris this primal sense of stability.
The same kind of stability William's presence always meant to him.
A figure he can rely on, the one who's always gonna be there.
Almost always, he corrects himself, for example what the fuck is he doing now, not answering and being cryptic for no apparent reason?
He tries to shake him out of his trance with a follow-up question
"Like, I'm turning twenty soon and I still don't know what to do with my life! You applied to law school, for fuck sake!"
He's putting way too much emphasis on basic facts, he knows the brooding guy sitting to his left will roll his eyes soon because "damn Chris, why have you gotta be so dramatic".
He doesn't roll his eyes, but he does exhale a puff of smoke while shrugging his shoulders.
And then HE is the dramatic one! Jesus, it's like they're filming his every move!
"Yeah, I'm doing that. What else?"
He talks!
You see, Chris is used to it, William doesn't do casual talking, he's more of a straight to the point kinda guy.
"Do you remember the night we chose The Riot club as our official name?"
"Yeah, I do remem-"
"We were so excited and like...proud! It felt like, like something final, something to remember"
"Something we were gonna be remembered for"
"Exactly! And now, nobody gives a fuck anymore. It's in the past, it stays in the past."
The both of them stay quiet for a moment, Chris takes the opportunity to mindlessly look at the cars speeding on the busy road right in front of them, at the bottom of the hill.
He always liked how fast they go.
Like William's car.
He will never forget the day it came into their lives, maybe it wasn't anything special for William, wealthy family and all, but the Aston Martin sure left him feeling good the first time his best friend took him on a ride.
The kind of good that Chris feels whenever he gets to choose for himself, that time both him and William chose to go fast, and he really liked it.
Speed, freedom and a tad of that typical teenage cockyness that has you overjoyed when nobody can tell you what to do.
They shared lots of moments like these, William and him. Both the best and the worst ones. Never boring though.
Borkis used to say they're like an old married couple, at the very start of their friendship with the other guys (and before William started giving him the death stare whenever he brought that up).
Chris, the one always whining and complaining to William about stuff, William barely giving him attention before eventually doing that something Chris was so passionate about.
Chris asking him if he could have his car for the night, William looking him dead in the eye but once again, eventually throwing him the keys.
Chris being an idiot, risking a suspension by causing some sort of fight on the school staircase, and William slapping him on the back of his neck because "you hooked up with his girl, I would have killed you".
And like every old married couple, they argue.
A lot.
Never anything serious, really. Most of the time, during high school, all their arguments were about stupid immature stuff. Their trust was unconditional, they were on good terms again after a couple of hours apart.
Now, on the other hand, things can go way differently.
"Chris, i-"
"No! You don't get it, William! It's easy for you to say "oh Chris, that's how it should be, life goes on" and all that jazz! You've got it all planned out, law school, a girlfriend, a cause to fight for! I do not!"
William is quick to put his hands on his shoulders and force Chris to look into his eyes.
"What got you all so worked up? Just breathe, come on"
He hasn't got worked up. He's just thinking. Loudly. Almost shouting in William's face. But whatever.
That's what he gets for always shutting down on him and like, suddenly moving to London in true Casablanca style.
"It's just, I've been thinking ok? You don't get it, but you've been gone for a while and that was like a brick to the face for me"
"You're talking about London?"
"Yeah, you moving there was, I don't know, hard? It changed all my prospects for the future"
"We kept in contact and stuff, though"
"It's just not the same! Sometimes it's like you don't realise you're my only family! And you were gone for a fucking year! Just like that!"
Oh well, he said it.
William looks like a mixture of hurt and guilty. For the love of god, he knows what being totally alone in this world means.
Chris remembers when they were only 16, that first year at Nissen and all those talks about William's family around the school. They never stopped, really. Maybe finally getting out of there was way easier for William. Bad reputation and stuff.
It's not like Chris had a good reputation there. Yeah, girls liked him, but to a certain point. The fuck boy title is something that will always haunt him whenever Nissen is brought up.
William is quiet once again, this time he's looking up, the sky is so clear tonight and the moon looks like a giant hole cut through the darkness.
"Then you got into the army"
Ah yes, the army. At this point last year it really had felt like the best option. Maybe even a fresh start. Something that would have actually made him feel like his life took a turn.
"It felt like a good move, to get over things"
"Why can't you just accept that things change, Chris?"
Chris can't help but stay still after the question has been shot.
He's been the one attacking William with sharp accusations till now, but this is a though one, he's not sure he can top that.
Now, about a plausible answer.
He likes stability.
He likes having a place in this world, the Penetrators were like brothers, he was one of them, he was someone, his fuck boy title didn't feel as heavy when he was praised by the whole group for it.
Girls were easy, "no stress though" like he used to say.
He likes having a simple schedule to follow, school was never hard for him, skipping class was a usual habit. Parties on Friday, hangover on Saturday. Cigarettes and talks with William on the hill on Thursday.
He got used to stability, since he was a kid.
He got used to being home alone for long periods of time, to provide for himself. He got used to his mother never being there, and for his father never coming back.
He got used to waiting for William outside his door so they could go play together, then to waiting for William to be done with the chosen girl of the night so he could give him a lift home.
Then high school came to an end, and simultaneously William fell in love and flew to London.
And his world wasn't stable anymore.
"It's just, change sucks."
He suddenly sounds so childish, not being able to talk about his thoughts in an open way. Like everything going on in his mind is so heavy and complicated, he can't articulate it in a comprehensible sentence.
William, on his part, looks amused by Chris' inability of conveying his feelings.
He's full on grinning.
"What the fuck are you grinning about, you asshole"
"Look where we are Chris"
"What?"
"Tell me where we are"
Ok, what the fuck is he going on about.
"We are sitting on top of our hill?"
"Yeah, we've been doing this for a long time, haven't we?"
"Yeah, like more than five years at this point"
"You like it here, don't you?"
"Are you kidding me or what? Bro, we chose this place for a reason"
"Exactly. You're making a fuss about your distaste when it comes to change, and here we are, sitting in the same place we drive to every Thursday night since god knows when"
Here we go again.
William being all philosophycal, trying to prove a point he knows he's right about.
And yes, he's right. How come he's always right?
Chris has been studying his best friend since, well, since he became his best friend, and he came to a conclusion. Sort of.
William is attentive. Really fucking painfully attentive.
He's like a walking scanner, taking every inch of every situation in consideration.
He doesn't have any snarky reply for him. He doesn't even wanna try and also, this place is sacred, he doesn't wanna fight or something while sitting here.
"Tell me, when did you get so wise, huh? Have you been reading Confucius?"
"I guess it's Noora, she never lets me win easily during arguments, I don't take things for granted anymore"
Chris lights another cigarette, just because he can.
Noora.
There was a time Chris couldn't stand her.
It's not like he was jealous, but you know, he had to wait for William outside of classrooms all the time.
And she was the reason behind all that waiting, so.
Also the whole moving to London mess would have never happened if it wasn't for her.
But then you see, she persuaded William into coming back, and people keep saying only good things about her, especially William of course, but also Ev-
"Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, some things can change, but that won't destroy you if you remember to keep yourself grounded and focus on the things that are a constant in your life"
Ah, William and his rare motivational speeches. Hidden gems, easier to dig out on cold Thursday nights.
"Also, you can go on and keep saying that change sucks. But that's not necessarily true. Look at me, imagine if I never met Noora. I don't think I could stand being my past self anymore. Also look at yourself! You literally texted me stating that you think you could be in love with Eva! You! In love! That's some top shelf change there, man."
And then there's that.
The girl who started letting her window slightly open in case he was wandering around her neighbourhood and wanted to pay a quick visit.
Chris, who was used to sneak out of windows placed in the craziest corners at ungodly hours of the night, has now an open window waiting for him 24/7.
Would you look at that? William is right again.
The guy who despises change, somehow managed to change.
And he doesn't mind what he has become.
He's sure William has something else to add (when doesn't he? He just got into his pontificating mode, nothing's gonna stop it) but before he can go on, he gets a call.
He fights with his back pocket for a while and eventually manages to get a hold of his phone and answers.
Chris will never not be amused by the way William answers calls.
He looks like any middle aged man owning some kind of top rank enterprise you'd see in movies. The way he gets his phone to his ear while shaking his head a little so that his hair won't cover his left eye.
The look in his eyes would make you think he's one step away from deciding the sorts of humanity.
"...zucchini? Ok, I got it"
Chris is more than confused on how zucchini could ever save humanity from its impending doom.
William's facial expression changed radically in the span of few minutes, one moment he reminded Chris of William's dad, stoic, unperturbed, now he looks like a man on a mission.
Wait, he's actually getting up. Is he bailing on him like that?
"See you tomorrow, love you"
Oh, so he's talking to his girl. That's easy to guess, William wouldn't say anything remotely close to 'love you' to anyone else.
"We're leaving Chris, come on"
"What? Why?"
"I've got to get some zucchini for Noora"
"Why the fuck would your girl ever need zucchini at..." he quickly glances at his phone screen "...almost midnight??"
"I don't know, Chris. Maybe she just craves zucchini"
Chris doesn't feel like arguing about vegetables right now, but it's starting to look like his friend just lost the little amount of sanity left in him.
"We're never gonna find a place selling zucchini this late at night!"
"You know where Elias lives, right? At the end of his street, there's this tiny shop. Always open"
What do they say? Just go with the flow. Right now the flow is mainly constituted by zucchini, apparently.
Just before reaching the car, William stops abruptly and turns around, facing Chris.
"But before we go" he puts an hand on Chris' shoulder "please remember I'll always have your back. Doesn't matter if I'm here or on the other side of the world. I'm sorry if you ever felt neglected because of my idiocy, i was in a rough place, but I'm getting back on track now, ok? You don't have to worry about me disappearing again, understood?"
He looks so sincere right now, Chris has never seen him like this.
William has always told him the truth about everything, he doesn't have the need to lie to him, Chris knows every detail anyway.
Two messed up souls can be only truthful with eachother.
Chris just nods, it's not like he's getting emotional, what the hell.
He's just dramatic, you see. So it's completely normal for him to picture older versions of him and his best friend standing in this exact same spot, years in the future.
Maybe their cigarettes of choice won't even be in production anymore by that time. No big deal, they'll have to get new ones. Maybe they'll be even better than the ones he's holding in his pocket right now.
Since change doesn't always mean bad things, you know.
"Haven't we got some zucchini to bring home?" he recollects himself and just goes with it at this point.
Zucchini. At midnight. What the fuck Noora.
William manages a barely there half smile and turns back to the car.
He doesn't get far away.
"Hey man?"
"What now, Chris?"
A dramatic pause. Cause they're dramatic.
"Can I drive?"
William looks at him with that exasperated look Chris lives for.
Then he sighs.
"Don't make me regret this, Christoffer"