Chapter Text
“What time will you be home?” my mother yells at me from the living room.
“Sometime!” I scream back at her. She always asks, like every caring mother would do, how late I’ll be back. Only, the time doesn’t really matter to her anymore. By now she knows that I always party till the morning hours.
“Have fun! Hakkûh!”
“Haha, will do,” I laugh before closing the front door.
I walk to my bike, thinking about my family. Even if I sometimes hate my father, can’t stand my little brother or think my mother worries too much, most of the time I’m thankful. We are like a normal family, in a standard house with an average income. I don’t have anything to complain about it.
“Hello Lou!” the neighbor waves at me as she takes the garbage out.
While I step on my bike, ready to go, I wave back and smile at her. I like Helena. She is a nice woman without any judgment about me. And believe me; it’s unique for someone like me. A lot of people have judgments whenever they see me. They have called me all different kinds of names. Mostly they call me a racist. I try not to listen to it, I try to ignore it, but sometimes I fail. It’s quite painful to hear people calling you awful names, it can really hurt.
The reason people call me a racist is because I’m a gabber. They associate being a gabber with being a racist and why? Because I listen to hardcore music, am proud of my country, wear Maxxies (Nike Air Max Shoes), shaved the sides of my head and because I wear sporty outfits. People assume just because of those trades, that I’m a racist. This is bullocks. I just love hardcore music and have a group of friends with whom I share this passion.
It’s been several years that I’m utterly in love with the music. I still can’t have enough of it. I still crave for the music and everything that comes along with it. This probably has a lot to do with my age. I’m only seventeen. This is totally crap sometimes, because for a lot of parties you have to be at least eighteen. I have a fake ID, but that doesn’t always work. Apparently I have a childish look on me, even if I look pretty rugged if I say so myself. Apart from the occasional rejection at the entrance of a party; it is the most amazing feeling in the world. I want to drag every single person to a hardcore party. First of all I think that a lot of the assumptions and prejudices will stop. People can finally see with their own eyes that most of us are just trying to enjoy life. Secondly there is absolutely nothing like it. The atmosphere is so unique, so amazing. You can never understand how it feels unless you have been to one of them.
Across the bridge, second street to the left, the first street to the right: The Alinstreet, number nineteen. Arrived. I step off my bike and lock it.
“Hey Lou, I was already waiting for you,” Harry greets me as he walks over to me and kisses me on the mouth. It’s a soft kiss on my lips.
“Hey Hazza, how are you?”
“I’m fucking great! Look at my shoes,” Harry says happily, beaming like a five year old.
I look down at his shoes and smile. He has a new pair of Maxxies. The shoes are black, but on the outside there are red-white-blue stripes: the Maxx Air Holland.
“Nice! But you already have so many Maxxies, better buy those shoes for me from now on,” I say teasingly.
Harry laughs along with me. He knows I don’t mean it. I don’t want any present from Harry.
Although… that is not entirely true. A few years ago he bought me a beautiful necklace. It’s a simple silver necklace with a very small, light blue heart. When he gave that to me he said that it reminded him of my eyes. The heart symbolized the love he has for me and the big place I have in his heart.
I love it so much that there hasn’t been one single say that I haven’t worn it. People might call it gay, or ridiculously romantic, but I don’t fucking care. They can fuck off; I love it.
“What are you doing?”
I smile and show Harry the necklace.
He shrugs. “It’s just silver. It will never describe how I feel about you,” he states in all seriousness.
His words hit me like a ton of bricks. They touch me in a way nobody will ever understand. Today even more than usual.
He doesn’t have to tell me he loves me, because I already know he does, but it’s still a pleasant surprise to hear him say those lovely words. I also love him so dearly, more than anyone else in my life.
“Shall we go?” Harry asks as he puts an arm around my waist. I lean into his touch and put my own arm around his hip. I’m very clingy and needy, especially around Harry. He doesn’t mind it at all, because he is just the same around me. We always touch and need to be in each other’s space. It’s Hazza and Lou. It always was and will always be.
As we walk towards Niall’s house we talk about the party we’re about to go to. I’m so frigging thrilled for tonight, mostly because my favorite DJ is playing: DJ Endymion. Since the beginning of my summer vacation I’ve been looking forward to this day.
But even though I’ve probably never been so excited, I’m also dreading it. I’m dreading the upcoming Monday. In a few days I’ll be back at school again. I tried to postpone my worries, but the feelings are now rushing back in. I’m so anxious for this year, since it’s the first year without my group of friends. Harry, Emma and Liam have graduated high school last year. Niall was in the same year as me, but he quit school. He said he didn’t need school and is busy with other things. It’s not like his parents really care. But I do. It will be so awful without the warm company of my dear friends.
“I’m going to miss you like crazy. And of course the rest as well,” I sigh deeply.
Harry pinches my waist soothingly and kisses my right temple. “It’s going to be okay Lou, just one more year!” he tries to comfort me.
Like always it helps a bit, just a tiny bit. Even though Harry is so sweet and is always there to comfort me, he won’t be around like he used to be. I won’t seem him during lunch break and we can’t ride to school together like we used to do. Just thinking about it, I feel a lump in my throat.
“Lou? Stop worrying. We are going to Masters of Hardcore! You are going to forget everything!”
I nod in agreement. Those worries are for later, right now I’m going to enjoy this night.
We arrive at Emma’s home and I ring the doorbell. As usual we gather at her place, because it’s in-between were the rest of the group lives. Besides, she lives in the most amazing villa you can imagine. Niall and Liam are probably already here. They live near each other, just like Harry and I.
Harry and I live just a few blocks away from each other. I’ve ‘met’ Harry in kindergarten. We instantly clicked, or so I’ve been told. We were always on each other’s side, always together. We grew up together and couldn’t bear being without each other for one fucking day. We were inseparable.
All of that changed when he went to junior high. That was when he first started to listen to hardcore music. He was influenced by two people from his class: Liam and Emma. In less than a few months he became a full on gabber and spent loads of his time with Liam and Emma. Back then I didn’t like his kind of music. I was more into pop music, mostly because I went along with what everyone else listened to. Harry and I never broke contact, but we didn’t see each other as much anymore. It’s not like we wanted to be apart, but somehow we kind of grew apart. Every time we wanted to meet up one of us had other plans. His weekends were suddenly filled with hardcore parties and chilling out at someone’s place. My weekends were filled with playing football and watching movies.
But, our lifestyles couldn’t keep us away from each other. After almost one year of seeing each other on an irregular basis we missed each other like crazy. I felt lonely without my Hazza and apparently so did Harry. The moment we rekindled our friendship we became more intimate. From the start of our friendship our relationship was already very intimate, but after missing each other and growing older it turned into more. We always touched and leaned into each other, hugged at the weirdest moments, kissed whenever we needed some comfort, playfully teased each other by groping and we did other ‘friendly’ stuff. With the way we interacted, and still interact, everyone always assumes we are in a relationship. But we aren’t, not really. We are just Hazza and Louis. We didn’t care what people thought of us and we still don’t care. We are happy with the way our relation is. Maybe it’s a tad weird for most people, but we feel comfortable with each other.
Slowly, after getting more in touch with Harry again, I got into the hardcore scene. Soon I felt like I belonged somewhere. I never felt like that, except with Harry. That year I became friends with a gabber at my class; Niall. And quickly after that our close group had formed. The group consists of Harry, Liam, Niall, Emma and I. I’m so incredible grateful with my friends. They are the most loyal friends I ever had. I always have them on my side. The hardcore scene gave me the best group of friends and a place where I belong. I felt so happy. Besides that, there is of course the music. It took some time to get used to it, but now I think it’s the most incredible music in existence. When I hear the bass I feel like I’m in a different world. I am in a trance. I don’t hear the bass: I feel it!
“Finally,” Emma says as she opens the door.
I chuckle and engulf her with a tight hug.
“I’m so excited,” she whispers in my ear.
“Is Michael coming?”
She nods and widely smiles at me. Her boyfriend Michael doesn’t like, or better said, hates hardcore music. Emma always tries to convince him to go along to a party, but he never does. Apparently her persuasion finally worked.
Liam and Niall walk towards us. “Lou! Hazza! Shall we go to our café before heading to MASTERS OF HARDCORE!” Niall says excitedly as he screams the last words.
We all laugh at his excitement and nod. As usual we go to café Plo. It has become our café.
-----
After a few hours of chilling, drinking, talking and laughing we are on our way to the party. We drive to Amsterdam, where the party will take place. It’s already one o’clock so the party is most likely already in full swing. Bitch drove together with her boyfriend Michael, so we will see her at the club.
Liam is driving since he is the only one in the group with a driver’s license. He is nineteen years old, just like Emma. Liam is the calmest of the group. He is a bit more reserved, but definitely not boring. Especially when it comes to parties, somehow he changes in someone else. I don’t know if it’s the alcohol or the drugs, but he goes wild and dances like a maniac.
Niall on the other hand is always extremely loud and carefree. I’m positive that he has ADHD. Niall is always bouncing around and it seems like he is never tired. Not that I mind, I think it’s amazing. He always gives me positive energy. Besides, I’m also a very loud and energetic person.
Emma, or Bitch as I like to call her, is the craziest, smartest and richest of our group. She is very serious when it comes to school, but whenever she is at a party she instantly goes wild and crazy. She always says whatever she thinks and can be pretty bitchy, therefore her nickname Bitch. But she is an extremely loyal friend.
I’m so luckily with my group of friends; I love them so much!
-----
We finally arrive after driving for almost an hour. Liam easily parks the car between two other cars.
When I step out of the car I can already hear the bass, making me aroused. Yes aroused. The feeling I get whenever I go to a hardcore party is magnificent, it gives me chills. Just thinking about it gives me such a kick.
Harry wraps his arm around my waist and with the rest of the group we walk (Niall is bouncing up and down, practically skipping and enthusiastically screaming to other party guests) towards the club.
We give the doorkeeper our tickets and get ready for the round of patrol. At parties like Masters of Hardcore there are always security guards who check us and our belongings on drugs. It’s a common fact that a lot of people consume XTC, speed and cocaine at hardcore parties. The security guard feels my arms, torso and legs before gesturing me to move along.
We walk further into the hall and I don’t only hear the bass, I even slightly feel the vibration. We take our stuff like our mobile phones and jackets and put them in a locker.
“I’ll keep the key,” Harry says as he puts it in his pocket.
We walk into one of the three areas. The whole place is surrounded with loads of people dancing, jumping and hakken and it feels amazing.
At Masters of Hardcore there are 3 areas with different kinds of music. One area has DJ’s who play early-hardcore, the other one (I believe we are in this area) have the more average hardcore music and the last area mostly has terror and speedcore. The substyles terror and speedcore have an extremely quick bass drum, it’s really fast and hard. If I want to dance on it I really need to take an XTC pill for the energy. For now I want to try to have fun without drugs; only a couple of beers. I’m almost certain Harry won’t take a pill. He doesn’t really like drugs and only tried it for a couple of times. At most parties he only takes a few beers, tops. Niall on the other hand always takes at least one XTC pill or some speed. He can’t even party without anymore. Emma also takes a lot of pills and stuff, but tonight she won’t because her boyfriend is here. Liam only takes it occasionally, like I do.
We walk through the area, in-between people jumping up and down, towards the bar.
Liam orders 6 beers for all of us, but Emma and Michael are nowhere to be found.
After we finish our drinks, giving Niall and Liam the two extra beers, we walk near the stage where the DJ is playing. When we are a few inches away from the stage, I feel the bass beating in my chest. When I first felt the vibration so strongly I was a bit scared, but Harry told me it was normal. After a while you get used to it and even start to like it. You really do; the vibration, the pounding, it’s a whole new feeling, a new experience; I love it!
We all start to dance or hakken as they call it. We are just going crazy; yelling, jumping and going with the moment. Just like everybody else who is here for the music and for having fun.
“Where is Bitch?” I yell. I haven’t seen her since we drove to the club.
Harry and Liam shrug and Niall doesn’t even hear my question.
“I’ll go find her,” I say to Harry. “You guys stay here?”
He nods and returns to dance.
I look around at all the three areas, the smoking room, the chill area and even the toilets, but I can’t find her. I shouldn’t be so surprised; she is one of the 20.000 people at this party. She is however with Michael, who doesn’t really look like the typical guest for these parties.
Well… she is with Michael so she’s probably alright.
I go back to the group, greeting Harry with a small kiss. Niall jumps up and down in front of me, sticking his tongue out. Without noticing I start to move as well, my feet just go with the beat. In an instant, going automatically, I dance along with the rest.
After a while of dancing I start to feel tired. I decide to sit at the tribune, looking at the wonderful sight in front of me. It’s amazing to just sit and admire. This gigantic place is filled with people dancing, music blasting from the speakers and lights that move along with the beat. It is however not the smartest move to sit when you already feel tired. It only makes you feel more exhausted and you suddenly start noticing that your legs are starting to give up on you. Bloody legs! My favorite DJ still has to play!
As I look around me I see some people ‘sneakily’ negotiating with some drugs. It’s so incredible tempting to just walk to one of them and buy one pill. A boost would be so fucking great right now.
“How are you feeling?” Harry asks as he sits down beside me.
I can’t hear him over the loud music, but the small concern in his eyes tells me enough. I smile at him in response, but the tiredness is probably very noticeable because he speaks up: “I don’t mind if you take one, but take on from Robin. We know he doesn’t sell garbage.”
I nod excitedly and give him a soft kiss on the mouth before jumping down, already feeling more energetic just by the idea of getting this amazing drug in my system.
-----
It’s an hour after I took an XTC pill and I’m in a state of euphoria. I feel wonderful, like I’m living on cloud nine. The feeling is so wonderful and opens my mind, my vision. I can’t think straight (oh yeah pun so intended) and I feel so light and feathery. I feel like love is surrounding me, it’s everywhere.
The music is literally running through my veins as my feet go along with the music. The loud beat, along with the light shows with lasers and the drugs, I feel like I’m in a sort of trance. I just keep going and going. I don’t even feel that my eyes are trembling or that my mouth is dry. The first time it happened I completely freaked out, but now I don’t even care. I just feel so fantastic, like nothing can stop me. I’m just dancing like my life depends on it and I forget about everything.
As I turn a bit to the left I suddenly see a girl that looks familiar. I focus my eyes to look at the girl. With wide eyes I stare at her in surprise: it’s Emma! How come I haven’t seen her yet? How come? She is kissing Michael! Kissing! So I just worried for nothing right? Ah well who cares, who cares! She is in love, in love! She is alive and in love with her boyfriend.
I walk towards her and hug her tightly, feeling butterflies in my stomach.
“There you are, I didn’t see you! I looked everywhere you know? But I couldn’t find you so I started dancing, you know?” I ramble on. After a while she doesn’t even listen anymore and turns around to kiss her boyfriend again. But I don’t care. She is in love and I feel ecstatic.