Work Text:
A List of Things Min Yoongi is Not a Fan of in No Particular Order :
- Most people
- Lukewarm black coffee
- Loud noises
a. Specifically whoever keeps blasting the same five songs from some overrated radio station down the hall
A List of Things Min Yoongi is Secretly Fond of But Will Never Admit to:
- Small dogs that jump and bark whenever people come nearby
- Overly sweet, sugary breads
- The ugly green sweater Hoseok gave him as a gag gift but wears all the time inside the closed confines of their shared room
Hoseok has all this information, and more, committed to memory. Some of it he’s learned through Namjoon; but he’s learned more through being Yoongi’s friend for the past three years. Becoming Yoongi’s roommate has only expanded the list (Hoseok definitely does not rattle of said list to Taehyung when they're both much more intoxicated than they should be one late Thursday night. Taehyung faceplants into Hoseok's shoulder, giggling while spilling cheap wine onto Hoseok’s jeans). As a result, there’s little Min Yoongi does that genuinely surprises Hoseok.
His first clue is when the music blasting out of their hallmate’s overpriced stereo cuts out (as much as Hoseok loves SNSD, listening to “Gee” six times within an hour wears even him down). The second is when Yoongi storms into their room, slamming the door behind him with a dark scowl and an even darker expression.
“Bad day?” Hoseok puts down his pencil, forgoing figuring out what the fuck vector space is currently trying to do. Because, fuck vector space.
Third is when Yoongi flops onto his bed without taking off his shoes, letting out a muffled moan into his pillow. Hoseok sighs. It seems as though he’ll have to wade through vector space’s identity crisis some other day. He sits down on the bed next to Yoongi, drawing the older boy’s head into his lap.
“Professor this morning was an asshole,” Yoongi mumbles. He leans into Hoseok’s touch, and Hoseok twirls his fingers in the soft strands of Yoongi’s hair. “You’d think people in academia would be more sympathetic to a struggling musician.”
Hoseok presses his lips into a thin line.
Yoongi continues, only a tad resentful, “Then, there was one of the guys at the studio. He doesn’t think the hook to our new song is good, but the issue is that his version makes our song too generic and like every other pop song out there.” He lets out a soft sigh as Hoseok massages his face, applying a steady amount of pressure as his fingers glide past Yoongi’s cheekbones the same way his mother taught him to.
“And?” Hoseok asks just because he knows. He’s just never quite sure how to respond. Not when Yoongi is like this. It’s always easier to let him pour out his endless frustration with the world’s shortcomings.
“I may have also been stood up at my lunch date today,” Yoongi admits, cracking one eye open. “Spent forty minutes waiting until I called it a day.” Yoongi opens his mouth, an unreadable emotion flashing across his eyes before he bites down on his lip.
Hoseok frowns. “Oh,” he says.
“Whatever,” Yoongi shrugs, but the grimace on his face gives away his true feelings.
Hoseok’s chest feels strangely constricted and empty all at once. Like with all strange things, Hoseok ignores it. “They were probably an asshole anyway,” he tells Yoongi as he runs his fingers through Yoongi’s hair. It’s surprisingly soft for someone who dyes it so often. Right now, it’s a pale turquoise and Hoseok can’t help but admire the silky feeling as he continues to comb Yoongi’s hair. He stops when Yoongi smirks at him knowingly.
“Urgh, I need to nap,” Yoongi groans as he buries his head into his pillow. Yoongi reaches for Hoseok’s hand, running it through his hair once more and Hoseok resumes combing the soft strands.
“At least you won’t have to waste your time on them so you can spend it on more important things,” Hoseok tells Yoongi. “Like sleep.”
“Like sleep,” Yoongi agrees, “and food.”
Hoseok hums in agreement, curling his fingers in the soft hairs at the nape of Yoongi’s neck. He sings softly, and Yoongi’s breath gradually slows. Hoseok’s phone vibrates in his pocket, but he ignores it in favor of watching the rise and fall of Yoongi’s chest. Once he’s certain that Yoongi is asleep, he gets up and pulls on the nearest jacket. Yoongi lets out a whine when Hoseok is halfway out the door.
“I’m getting food, you big baby,” he laughs, as Yoongi pulls the covers to his chin.
“M’kay,” Yoongi says, voice laden with sleep. “Just make sure you come back.”
Hoseok salutes, smiling to himself as he makes sure to close the door softly. On his way to the nearby Thai takeout, he pulls his phone out to check his messages.
jaebum (18:05): …??
jaebum (18:14): hoseok??
jaebum (18:21): i don’t think you’re the kind of person to pull this but it’s been half an hour
hoseok (18:26): sorry roommate was having a bad day
hoseok (18:26): duty calls
hoseok (18:27): i’ll make it up to you next time
“Whatever you two did last night, I approve,” Namjoon greets Hoseok as he drops into the seat across from him. His messenger bag follows with a clang, and Hoseok looks up from the dance videos he had been reviewing. “Yoongi was actually in a good mood this morning. Like I mean smiling-to-himself and making-a-new-beat sort of good mood.”
“That’s nice to hear,” Hoseok says. He debates the merits of taking another sip of his coffee. On one hand, caffeine. On the other, currently lukewarm, previously iced, coffee tastes terrible.
“After last night’s fiasco, I was prepared for the worst,” Namjoon says. “It makes me wonder, what exactly did you two do last night.”
Hoseok takes a sip, attempting not to grimace. “What do you mean?” Disgusting.
“He’s asking,” comes Taehyung’s voice from behind him, “if you guys did anything last night.” The younger boy waggles his eyebrows as he sits down next to Hoseok, only making himself look more ridiculous along with his secondhand grandpa pants and cutout shirt.
“We had Thai takeout together,” Hoseok answers. He feels unnerved by the questioning look Taehyung gives him as Taehyung chugs the remainder of Hoseok’s coffee. (Sometimes you do what you have to do.) “And maybe watched some Netflix too,” he acquiesces when Taehyung gives him The Look.
He and Yoongi had spent the rest of last night curled up on Yoongi’s bed, with Yoongi’s blankets curled around their bodies and Hoseok’s laptop balanced between them. They marathoned old Disney movies because Yoongi claimed that he needed something “pure and wholesome” after today so he wouldn’t turn into a complete cynic. It mostly ended up becoming Yoongi, eyes glued to the dim laptop screen, making caustic references to acquaintances and the evil villains as Hoseok listened, because that’s what he does best. (Another item to add to the list: Min Yoongi secretly loves Disney movies. He refuses to admit that he got teary-eyed when they watched Moana together in theaters.)
“Netflix and chill?’ Taehyung squints, before the younger boy visibly winces and reaches down to clutch his knee. Sometimes, Hoseok forgets what a great friend Namjoon is一
“I thought you had a date with Jaebum last night,” Namjoon comments, eyebrow raised.
一And never mind. Hoseok takes that back. Namjoon is now his least favorite best friend. Taehyung’s eyes widen, but they’re still watering from the pain (Hoseok knows Namjoon gives a mean shin kick, and Seokjin gives an even meaner one). The combined effect would be comical, if Hoseok didn’t feel like he was being interrogated.
“I rescheduled,” he shrugs, trying not to scowl. “It’s cool. Jaebum understands.”
“Okay,” Namjoon says in a voice that Hoseok recognizes as his I-know-there’s-something-else-going-on-but-you-don’t-yet-so-I’ll-let-it-go-for-now voice. The perks of rooming with Namjoon last year.
“Where’s the rest of the food, Joonie?” Hoseok demands in attempt to steer the conversation away before Taehyung, as well-meaning as he is, can ask more questions. Namjoon’s eye twitches at the nickname. (It was Yoongi who whispered it into his ear late one night at the school’s music studio before demonstrating. “Joonie,” Yoongi had called, voice sickeningly sweet. Hoseok had tried his best to stifle his laughter)
“Yeah, stop hoarding all of Seokjin’s food for yourself.” Taehyung snatches Namjoon’s chopsticks and shovels a mountain of rice into his mouth. “You already get him and his food at home, so leave some for us.”
Namjoon sends Hoseok a pained look as Taehyung continues to devour his lunch. Hoseok flashes Namjoon a smile before he joins Taehyung.
Jaebum has been fidgeting awkwardly with the collar of his shirt for the past fifteen minutes. The silence has stretched on for twice as long, and it’s not the good, easy kind. It’s chilly; Hoseok didn’t prepare for a detour through the park before they headed back to their dorms. He also had strength conditioning today and three hours of rehearsal for the dance group he leads, thanks to an upcoming performance. As a result, Hoseok is cold, uncomfortable, and tired, so his patience is wearing thin.
“Do you wanna get ice cream?” Jaebum asks, pulling on his shirt collar.
Hoseok purses his lips, putting on a smile that he knows only a few can see past. “I’m fine. Do you want some?” He makes sure the irritation doesn’t seep into his voice. He wants nothing more to get back to his room, collapse onto his soft bed, and sleep away his worries for the night. Then he remembers that he and Jaebum are in the same finance class, and that he has that finance paper due tomorrow. Inwardly, Hoseok groans.
“I’m good,” Jaebum replies and they walk past the ice cream shop. Well, this definitely makes the top three of Hoseok’s Most Awkward Dates list.
“How about we head back to campus?” Hoseok asks, praying to whatever higher being that Jaebum will agree. Luckily, the higher being seems to be on Hoseok’s side today.
The two of them walk in silence. Jaebum’s hand grazes his occasionally, but Hoseok doesn’t reach for it like he did on their last date. With nothing else to do, Hoseok counts the number of times Jaebum plays with his collar and tries to find the rhythm his fingers are drumming on his thigh.
By the time they reach the campus, Hoseok is significantly colder and even more tired; he likes to think of himself of a patient person but right now he’s bristling from the tension. Jaebum shoves his hands into his pockets, head swiveling around when they're the only two outside.
Jaebum finally begins, reaching up to fiddle with his collar, "I don't think that this一" he gestures to the space (too large, too loud) between them, "一is really working." He smiles at Hoseok, but it's strained.
Hoseok lets out a sigh of relief, some of the tension flowing out of his body with it. They started going out after Hoseok asked Jaebum out after they spent a few days together holed up in the library studying for an upcoming finance test; since then they'd gone on several dates over the last month. Hoseok wouldn't call it dating, per se. It had been more of a date here or there. And besides, Jaebum is easy on the eyes with a nice smile, and none of their dates had been awkward. Until tonight.
"I was thinking the same thing," Hoseok laughs, but it sounds off. "Friends?" he holds out his hand.
"Friends," Jaebum agrees, smile flashing perfect teeth, shaking Hoseok's hand before murmuring a quick goodbye and heading in the opposite direction.
Hoseok still can't help but feel a bit bummed out as he walks back to his dorm. He rubs his arms, trying to ignore the slight chill, and scowls. It's not that Hoseok thinks there's something wrong with not dating, but going out with someone casually has its perks. Now, the only thing he has to look forward to is finishing his fifteen-page paper.
He runs up the staircase to his floor, not wanting to wait for the elevator. He beatboxes to the new song he's thinking of using for their upcoming dance performance. Maybe he'll ask Yoongi if he can do a short segment for his show with Namjoon. Hoseok bumps into Yoo Youngjae, who’s in his statistics class, as he rounds the last turn of the staircase.
"Oh, sorry," Youngjae mumbles. His hair is ruffled in the back, hoodie zipped all the way up to the base of his neck.
"It's okay. I wasn't watching where I was going," Hoseok apologizes. Youngjae gives him a curt nod before he practically sprints down the stairs. It's strange for Youngjae to be all the way here when he lives on the other side of campus. Hoseok thinks nothing of it, wondering instead about the long night ahead of him and the even longer paper.
Hoseok is fully prepared to faceplant into his bed for a good fifteen minutes before he starts his paper, only for Yoongi to jump in surprise when he enters the room. He drops half-folded blankets in his arms. It's odd; Yoongi never folds his blankets. Hoseok usually nags him before finally giving up and doing it for him.
"Rough night?" Yoongi inquires as he tosses his blankets back onto his bed. His duvet sticks up in all different directions, the same way it does when he rolls out of bed. Yoongi pulls the collar of his shirt back up, and Hoseok notices several dark marks at the base of his neck. Yoongi smiles sheepishly when he notices Hoseok's gaze.
"You could say that," Hoseok responds, rubbing his eyes as he prepares himself for an all-nighter.
"You don't look too good there," Yoongi notes.
Hoseok's eyes fixate on Yoongi's mouth as he talks. He ignores the bile that rises in his mouth at the way Yoongi's lips are redder and darker than usual. It's not like Yoongi hasn't brought people over before. It's not like Hoseok hasn't met those people, or even spent the night at Jimin and Taehyung's because of those people. And it's not like Hoseok hasn't (occasionally) done the same to Yoongi. They're cool like that. Yoongi has needs, Hoseok has needs, and sometimes they involve other people. Hoseok understands.
Yet, for some reason, he's annoyed that Yoongi had someone over tonight. He's even more irritated by the fact that it had been Youngjae, of all people. He didn't even know that they knew each other, let alone on that sort of level. Hoseok presses his forehead to his keyboard, chalking up the irrational jealousy to the lack of rest and disappointing night.
"Hey," Yoongi says, voice soft. He lifts Hoseok's face up, brushing his bangs out of his eyes. "You look like you're about to collapse." Hoseok's mouth still tastes sour.
"The dance showcase is two weeks," Hoseok mutters, closing his eyes as he enjoys the feeling of Yoongi's cold fingers against his head. The words tumble out of his mouth, "Jimin and I still don't have the choreography down for our duet. Jaebum and I ended the kinda-thing we had."
Yoongi grimaces. "That's rough. Well, now that you and Jaebum aren't a kinda-thing, you have more time to practice for the showcase, right? Besides, you and Jimin never fail to blow the audience away."
Hoseok lets out a hollow laugh. "Thanks, hyung." He tries to ignore the way his eyelids grow heavier. "It wasn't really working out anyway.” A little more quietly, “But it still kind of sucks, you know?" Tonight, his mouth has a mind of its own. He feels just as empty as he did before they came out.
"Yeah," Yoongi's eyes soften. Hoseok shivers as Yoongi's fingers ghost down the back of his neck.
"I also only have two out of fifteen pages written for my paper due tomorrow," he moans as he stares on the cursor of the screen.
"Not your day, huh." Yoongi's mouth is stuck between a smile and a frown, but Hoseok can still see his gums clear as day. "I'll be right back."
Hoseok nods, forcing his fingers to the keyboard. He channels his anger and disappointment into the strokes, churning out words as he fights off drowsiness. His parents had been more than ready to support him when he told them that he wanted to pursue dance. Their only condition had been that he had to do it as a double major. Hoseok loves his parents more than anything in the world, but right now he is Suffering.
His mind begins drifting once he goes on autopilot. Hoseok thinks back to the fact that not even two hours before, Youngjae had been here getting it on with Yoongi. Hoseok lets out a strangled groan, trying to block out those particular images. He types even harder than usual, the sound of clacking keys filling up the empty room.
The door swings open, and with it the sharp smell of coffee and greasy fried chicken. "Thanks." Hoseok wants to cry as Yoongi hands him his cup. He nearly scalds his tongue taking a sip.
"No biggie. It's my treat." Yoongi shrugs.
Hoseok practically inhales the chicken, tearing into it the same way Taehyung usually does. There's a small smile dancing across Yoongi's lips as he takes a sip of his own coffee. It doesn't quite show his gums, but Hoseok is too busy eating to care. He forgets about the exact reason why he was so annoyed with Yoongi as his stomach grows warm and his eyelids close.
"Still need to finish this paper," he yawns, fingers clumsily hitting the keyboard.
"You need sleep." Yoongi leads Hoseok to his bed. He pulls the blanket up to Hoseok's chin, patting his cheek. "I'll wake you up early," travels faintly through Hoseok's ears before he passes out.
Hoseok jumps out of bed to the most obnoxious, earsplitting shriek that exists in the universe. He groans as he checks his phone, the onsetting headache already seeping into his temples when he realizes the alarm is coming from Yoongi's phone. He buries his head back into his pillow. For a moment, everything is calm and quiet again. Hoseok feels himself beginning to drift, only to be pulled out of it by another screech.
Groaning, Hoseok keeps his blanket burrito wrapped around himself as he hobbles across the cool hardwood floor to shut the alarm. Soft snores leave Yoongi's mouth as he peacefully sleeps through the racket. Hoseok fixes Yoongi's multiple blankets (so his feet don't get cold; Yoongi's circulation is terrible) before he trudges to his desk to finish his paper. He resists the urge to poke Yoongi's cheek. They look soft, like the pillows he could be sleeping on.
By the time he gets to dance practice, Hoseok has eleven pages and eight more hours until its due. The whole morning was a blur. Hoseok barely had enough brain capacity to process what Yoongi said to him, let alone the food and coffee that was handed to him. The same unpleasantly loud alarm that he woke up to know echoes inside of his head as he stumbles into the dance studio.
"You look well," Jimin comments as Hoseok collapses on the floor beside him. Jimin peers at him, head underneath his arm as the bones in his spine crack.
"That's disgusting," Hoseok mumbles. The lights in the studio are too bright and too dim at once, causing his head to spin. "Just give me five until we start."
"I'm doing well too, hyung," Jimin laughs as he pats Hoseok's cheek before he moves to turn on the music.
The loud bass reverberates in Hoseok's ears and the plywood, making his chest tingle. Groaning, he forces himself to get up. Jimin flashes him an apologetic smile before they and Hoseok smiles tiredly in response.
As they dance, Hoseok feels the tension flow out of him. His mind goes from hazy to sharp and focused as his arms snap in place. He allows himself to forget about the fact that he still has four pages left to write, the fact that he's barely balancing this double major and he still has a year left, the dark marks on Yoongi's neck. The moves flow to Hoseok, his body on autopilot because of the relentless practice. He focuses on the angle of his arms, the way his torso bends and twists, the soft curve of Yoongi's cheek this morning as he slept soundly.
"Hoseok," Jimin's voice cuts through his mind like a sword.
He barely stops himself from stumbling. He's panting and drenched in sweat and he wasn't even aware of the burning sensation in his chest until now. "Yeah?" he asks, wiping the sweat out of his eyes.
"That was the fifth time you stumbled," Jimin bites down on his lower lip, eyes flickering down to Hoseok's feet and back up again. "Maybe we should take a break. You look like you're about to collapse."
Hoseok gratefully accepts the water bottle from Jimin, feeling relieved despite the lukewarm liquid. "I feel fine," he says and his head throbs traitorously in response. "One more time?" He refrains from mentioning how the bags underneath Jimin's eyes are just as dark or way his skin seems paper thin.
"Just one more time," Jimin acquiesces.
It's a dirty trick, since Jimin can never refuse one last run (how many runs that turns into always depends). He feels the shame rising through his chest since it wasn't just the fatigue causing him to stumble. Hoseok's conscious isn't exactly helping him feel any better as Jimin peeks over his shoulder to gauge Hoseok's condition when he thinks that Hoseok isn't paying attention.
"Okay, that's enough," Jimin announces as the music cuts off before they even reach the middle of the dance. He begins wrapping up the aux cord, tossing Hoseok's sweater at him.
"That wasn't even a full run through," Hoseok objects. He ignores the way his fingers tremble.
"No offense hyung, but I don't think you would have survived a whole run through," Jimin reprimands. And Jimin's right. He wouldn't have. Hoseok's mind is running in a million different directions, the exhaustion hitting him all at once. It's ironic because Jimin is the same as him when it comes to practice, but for once Hoseok doesn't have the strength to fight back.
When they finally leave, Hoseok feels like he could fall asleep standing up. He opens the door to Junhong's back. Junhong squeaks in surprise, spinning around in midair to blink at Hoseok with wide eyes.
"I didn't expect you to end so soon," he stammers. The two of them were classmates back in high school. It was Hoseok who began hanging out with him when he first moved to Gwangju, encouraging Junhong to join the high school dance group when he finally started high school. The two of them spent more time in the local dance studio combined than anyone else. Safe to say, Hoseok wasn't exactly surprised when Junhong decided to attend the same university in Seoul two years after him as well.
"I'm forcing him to take a mandatory break," Jimin explains. Hoseok gives Junhong a weak grin, ignoring the way his entire face feels like it's about to crack.
"Did you need something?" he asks.
"Um," Junhong starts. He glances at Hoseok, then Jimin, then back to Hoseok again. The tips of his ears are a brilliant red and he's fallen silent once again. Hoseok waits, he's used to Junhong's quietness but this is unlike his usual lack of words. "Do you want grab something to eat? Just the two of us."
Behind him, Jimin bites down a smile. Hoseok's head throbs. Why can't life find a better time to throw curveballs at him? Preferably one where he's not running on a severe lack of sleep and still has to finish his paper.
He tries his best to keep the weariness from seeping into his voice when he suggest, "How about sometime after the performance." Junhong nods vigorously. "Just you and me," he clarifies.
Junhong nods once more, ducking his head and mumbling a quick "Thanks, Hobi-hyung."
"I think you just agreed to go on a date with him," Jimin snorts as Junhong scurries away.
"I know," Hoseok says. It's a whole new issue that he'll deal with later, after the dance showcase. Right now he's calculating the shortest nap he can possibly take to become functional enough to finish his finance paper. "What to it?"
Jimin halts in the middle of the sidewalk, fixing him with an incredulous look. "He's going to expect more than just one date."
"And?" he asks, voice coming out harsher than he means to. Jimin winces and Hoseok regrets it immediately. "Sorry," he murmurs.
"It's okay," Jimin replies. "It's just that一" and this time Jimin stops, looking as though he's choosing his next words carefully, "一Junhong's probably hoping for something more. And no offense Hoseok, but you aren't exactly great at relationships. You and Yoongi, actually." Jimin grimaces. He looks like he wants to say something else.
Hoseok frowns. The words sting, prodding something deep below the surface. He opens his mouth, ready to argue against his better judgement. But he's tired, frustrated, and just wants to eat some of Seokjin's food. He doesn't have the strength to argue with Jimin right now, nor does he want to say anything he'll regret. They’ve both been on edge since the beginning of the week. So, Hoseok closes his mouth, walking in silence with Jimin to Seokjin's restaurant as he tries not to think about Jimin's words.
Jimin ends up apologizing for his comment later over dinner in the warmth of Seokjin's downstairs kitchen. Hoseok volunteers to bring some of it over to Namjoon since Seokjin has been swamped with carry-out orders since he made them an option one month ago. More selfishly, Hoseok secretly wants to swing by to surprise Yoongi and make sure he's not working himself to death. (Not like he doesn't do it on a regular basis. Seokjin only gave him a knowing smile as he handed Hoseok the food before rushing back into the kitchen.)
The smile on Yoongi's face when Hoseok barges into the studio is definitely worth the extra fifteen minute walk. It sends an unfamiliar warm fuzziness spreading through his chest as he settles into his corner once Yoongi and Namjoon finish eating. He's in such a good mood that manages to finish a page and a half of his paper at the studio.
Unfortunately, the warm fuzziness in his chest disappears by the time they get back to the dorm. Hoseok finds himself staring at his laptop, leaning against Yoongi's bed with a small blanket nest surrounding him. He frowns, typing a word only to erase it less than a minute after.
"Okay," Yoongi pushes himself so he's sitting up on his bed. "I can hear you thinking from here. What's wrong?"
"Nothing," Hoseok mutters as he drums absently on his keyboard. He skims through his document; the two last pages still haven't made their magical appearance yet.
"Sure, Seokseok," Yoongi scoffs. It's a nickname only Yoongi uses now, and only in private. (Hoseok hasn't told anyone else about it.) "You've barely written anything for the past hour, but you were fine in the studio. What's up?"
Hoseok closes his laptop, rubbing his temples. He only has two hours left until his paper is due, and he can't afford to fuck up any grades this semester. "Jimin told me that I sucked at relationships." The sting is still there, but with the words out of his mouth Hoseok's chest feels lighter.
Yoongi's raises an eyebrow. It's the only signal that Hoseok needs to open the floodgate.
"I don't think I'm that bad," he mutters, crossing his arms. Hoseok likes to think that he's okay-ish boyfriend material. Definitely not 100% cotton but somewhere around sixty to seventy percent.
"When was the last time you were in a relationship?" Yoongi finally asks.
"Jaebum," Hoseok rebuts.
Yoongi fixes with him a stare. "That lasted more than a month," he amends.
Hoseok pauses. He wiggles the big toe sticking out of the hole in his sock. He should really buy new ones. The silence in the room is palpable. "In high school," he adds, feeling every bit of the petulant child he sounds like. So maybe Jimin does have a point. Still, Hoseok feels unnerved by something in the deep corners of his mind.
"Yeah," Yoongi says. "Not that there's anything wrong with it."
"When was the last time you were in a relationship, hyung?" Hoseok inquires.
This time it's Yoongi's turn to pause. His mouth pulls back into a small scowl as his eyes narrow in deep thought. "Freshmen year, I think? Probably high school too, actually."
Hoseok laughs. "At least we aren't alone in this." He grins and Yoongi gives him a small smile in response. Hoseok is about to go back to writing his paper when the idea hits him. The words come tumbling out of his mouth before he has time to think it through. "What if we tried though?"
"Tried...?" Yoongi peers at him. This is Hoseok's chance to back out from a Very Bad Idea but clearly, stress makes his mouth run wild.
"Tried being in a long-term relationship." He says. Hoseok is suddenly all too aware of the implication of his words and the growing tension in the room. "Not with each other," he clarifies. "Not that I think it'd be bad to be in a relationship with you. Just...with other people." He finishes lamely. Inwardly, Hoseok winces. After he finishes this paper and the dance performance is over he has some serious sleep to catch up on.
Yoongi stays silent. For once, the expression on his face is unreadable. "Is that what you want, Hobi?" he asks, voice soft.
Hoseok nods, not trusting himself to speak. (The shallow part of him just wants to prove a point. The other part of him thinks it would be kind of nice to hold hands and cuddle with someone on a regular basis. Who that someone is, Hoseok doesn't know.)
"Okay," Yoongi agrees. Hoseok lets out a breath he didn't know he had been holding. "We'll both give this a shot."
And the tension immediately dissipates. Hoseok grins, jumping onto the bed and onto Yoongi for a hug. Yoongi huffs, unable to hide the smile一the kind where his lips spread wide and his gums show一and Hoseok realizes that he's just made a Very Big Mistake.
The hours leading up to the dance performance are always the most stressful; everything goes wrong all at once. A stage light breaks an hour into rehearsal, there's something wrong with the sound system, and several props and costumes have mysteriously vanished during the lunch break. It's not the first time Hoseok has organized a dance showcase, but this is the first time where he spends the whole morning running around in an attempt to solve these issues.
Hoseok doesn't go on lunch break until Jimin practically forces him to, pushing him into the metal fold-up chair and shoving him the takeout that Seokjin sent Yoongi to deliver. He blames the heartburn when he thinks about Yoongi's soft smile while handing him the food on the way he had less than ten minutes to shovel it down and digest before his run through. (He only had enough time to murmur a quick thanks before snatching the food from Yoongi's hand and sprinting off to find the missing outfits.)
Fifteen minutes before the first performance starts, Hoseok already feels like he's going to collapse. At least he isn't the first one up. He watches silently from backstage as Junhong walks to the center of stage, smiling as the music begins. What a long way they've come since high school, performing on the cramped gymnasium stage.
And when it's finally time for Hoseok's first dance, the weariness and exhaustion melt away. He grins as the light hits him and begins to move to the beat. Despite all the stress, the countless practices, the way he wants to tear out his hair when everything he choreographs seems monotonous, the few minutes up on stage makes it all worth it. The rush of excitement he gets underneath the hot stage lights and the energy coursing through his body makes it all worth it. Hoseok throws a heart at the crowd as he finishes, breathless and sweaty. He finally looks down at the audience and there's Yoongi, right in the second row. Hoseok winks and smiles his brightest smile.
The post-concert adrenaline runs through Hoseok's body as he scrambles offstage to join his friends. He spots Namjoon and Seokjin because of their strange broad shoulders, tall, gangly limbs combo. Namjoon untangles his fingers from Seokjin to clap Hoseok on the shoulder, drawing him into a hug.
"You smell disgusting," Namjoon whines into his ear.
"I'm still covered in sweat," Hoseok laughs as they pull back. And there's Yoongi, standing on the side with a bouquet of flowers as he watches Taehyung and Jimin converse with a wry smile.
"No," Yoongi tells him firmly as he thrusts the flowers in Hoseok's arms. "You are not giving me a hug like that," he scowls. Yoongi squirms in Hoseok's arms for less than a millisecond, sighing in exasperation.
"Whatever happened to no hug?" Hoseok smirks as he makes sure to squeeze the air out Yoongi's tiny frame. Yoongi rolls his eyes. "Thanks for the flowers, hyung," he whispers as he finally lets go. And maybe it's his imagination but Yoongi's eyes soften for a fraction of a second.
"Disgusting," Yoongi sniffs as he smooths out his jacket. "Hot pot this time or the usual?"
After Hoseok's first solo performance during his freshmen winter, when his nose was congested seven ways to hell, Yoongi took him out for lamb skewers afterwards because he was unable to go back home for the break. It's been tradition since. Most of the time it's just the two of them; usually it's the barbecue meat buffet or cheap noodle place, occasionally they go to the hotpot place because they're poor college students. It used to be just Namjoon who would tag along occasionally, then Seokjin. Later, it became Jimin as well, and with him came Taehyung. Regardless of the restaurant or their friends’ availability, the one constant is Hoseok and Yoongi.
"Hot pot," Hoseok slings his arm around Yoongi, drawing him back towards his side. The moments after a concert are the best; right now, Hoseok's face hurts from how much he's smiling. He's slowly recovering his breath and drenched with sweat. He's sticky and gross because the auditorium's air circulations is terrible, but he's here with his friends and Yoongi pressed against his side.
(Another thing to add to A List of Things Min Yoongi is Secretly Fond of But Will Never Admit to: hugs. Specifically, gross sweaty hugs from happy friends after performances.)
"Hyung?" A timid voice comes from behind him. It's Junhong, changed into a clean shirt.
"Yeah?" Hoseok turns around and keeps his arm slung over Yoongi's shoulder.
"Are we still getting something to eat?" he asks, cheeks tinted red.
Yoongi stiffens. Hoseok forgets to breathe. Jimin turns around, mid-joke with Taehyung. The temperature of the auditorium dips despite the amount of people still in it. Hoseok looks down at Yoongi, but his friend's expression is completely unreadable.
"Well, Yoongi and I...," he begins turning back around to look at Junhong, who seems as small as Yoongi does as he bites his lip in anticipation. He frowns. Junghong's a sweet kid but–
"Hoseok's free to go," Yoongi interrupts.
–that's the extent of their relationship. Hoseok's mind slows to a stop. Before he knows it, Yoongi removes Hoseok's arm from around his body.
"Great," Junhong exclaims, practically bouncing. "I'll see you in ten, hyung!" He scampers off towards backstage, smiling from ear to ear with shining eyes. It only makes Hoseok even more nauseous from the guilt.
Hoseok turns around to ask Yoongi what the hell that was. Except, Yoongi's no longer there. Instead, he's conversing with Kim Jinhwan, who Hoseok's shared a few classes with. For once, Yoongi looks tall next standing next to something else. There's a loose smile on his face. The kind he wears when he wants to be charming and appealing. Something else stirs inside of Hoseok's stomach. Jimin says something to him, but it falls on deaf ears. He looks away, from Yoongi and his sweet smile, heading towards the backstage.
Ten minutes can be a long time.
All in all, it's not a terrible date. Junhong is a nice kid. It's easy to fall back into the same rhythm they had before Hoseok left for college. Junhong chokes on his water as quiet laughs escape his body. Hoseok teases Junhong, laughing at his stories of his former classmates and experiences these past two years. He feels at ease. Momentarily, at least.
It's difficult not to like Junhong's shy smile, or the way he falls into Hoseok's side as he doubles over in laughter. He enjoys the warmth of another body next to his. Hoseok finds it adorable when Junhong brushes their hands together on the walk back towards the dorms, eyes flitting upwards periodically. He huffs as he grabs in Junhong's hand, holding it in a firm grip, and forces down the twinge of annoyance deep into his stomach.
Hoseok soon finds himself standing outside of Junhong's door. The younger boy stands in front of him, eyes wide and hopefully before they say their goodbyes. Inwardly, Hoseok sighs. He regrets it as soon as he starts leaning forward, but maybe it's a combination of things. A combination of the leftover adrenaline running in his veins from the concert and Yoongi's cold expression when Junhong walked up. Besides, when was Hoseok last in a relationship anyway? Maybe he should actually start trying, just like he and Yoongi promised each other.
Their lips meet.
The first thing Hoseok notices are how rough and chapped Junhong's lips are. The second is that Junhong is completely utterly still. Probably from the nerves. The kiss is brief, if it can even be called that. Junhong ducks his head, murmuring a quick, "See you later, hyung," as he enters his room.
Hoseok feels unsettled as he makes his way back to his own dorm. There's something grating on the back of his head, an uncomfortable pressure on his chest as he opens the door to his room. He can't shake off the feeling as he switches his sneakers for the beat-up Miffy slippers Yoongi bought him last Christmas.
Yoongi's sprawled out on his bed, earbuds in as he clicks away on his laptop. The air feels as frigid as the it did in the auditorium right before Hoseok left. He clears his throat as he makes his way through the room.
"How was it?" Yoongi grunts, pulling out an earbud.
"It was fine," Hoseok answers as he rummages his drawers for a clean pair of boxers. "I'm going to take a shower now." He inhales sharply, pausing as the tension seeps its way further into the room. He wonders how Yoongi isn’t suffocating yet.
"Have fun," Yoongi puts the earbud back in.
Hoseok swallows and he tries to ignore the dark swirl of emotion threatening to flow out of his chest. Hoseok lingers in the doorway, shower caddy in one hand and towel draped over his shoulder. Opening his mouth, Hoseok glances back at Yoongi before shutting his mouth and then the door.
Yoongi wakes up the next morning, hair rumpled and eyes swollen from sleep. Hoseok says nothing as he staggers to the bathroom without a word. He tugs his blanket to his chin, pulling up a video of last night's group performance that Taehyung sent him.
There's the sound of someone clearing their throat. Hoseok's breath catches as he looks up to see Yoongi leaning against the door frame. He coughs into his elbow. "Are you coming for breakfast or not?"
Hoseok throws back his covers and scrambles for the nearest pair of socks. "Coming," he grins, stuffing his arms into a dirty hoodie. His heart sings, filling up the comfortable silence, as he and Yoongi walk side by side to the dining hall.
Things go back to normal. Hoseok continues to pursue his double degree in economics and dancing. He continues to pour over his books between classes, spreading his notes over the hardwood floor of the dance studio when his muscles are too sore to move. And when both his mind and body are exhausted, Hoseok watches Yoongi across the bedroom before he finally collapses into a dreamless sleep. Yoongi still grumbles whenever their alarm shrieks in the morning. He still burrows his head into his Kumamon pillow and refuses to open his eyes until Hoseok shakes him awake with half-open eyes himself. (Although he needs to drag Yoongi out of bed less and less these days.)
Yoongi continues to grouse about his coworkers to Hoseok whenever they get lunch together. Hoseok listens with a placating smile, chest burning from the strange emptiness. He still envies Yoongi's wistful look whenever he tells him about his dreams in hushed tones. It's as if speaking them aloud will cause the very opposite to occur.
The only difference now is that most of Hoseok's free time is monopolized by Junhong. They go on more dates. They hold hands more frequently (almost always now) and kiss half as often. It's not particularly unpleasant. Or even pleasant for that matter. Hoseok learns to like the way Junhong squeezes his eyes shut every time he kisses. He slowly becomes accustomed to the younger boy's sprawling limbs whenever they cuddle.
Hoseok doesn't possess romantic dreams for a small wedding or a white-picket fence. He doesn't have the name of all his grandchildren planned out like Taehyung does and hasn't looked into possible honeymoon locations like Namjoon.
(Yet every time he searches for something more for Junhong he comes back empty-handed.)
The change creeps up on him slowly. One day he's smothering his laughter into Yoongi's shoulder as they sit on the hardwood floor of their bedroom. The next, he realizes he hasn't talked to Yoongi for more than five minutes for the past week due to conflicting schedules.
"You're always so busy now, hyung," Taehyung hiccups, faceplanting into Hoseok's lap. Hoseok sighs as he moves the bottle of cheap wine out of Taehyung's reach, placing a cup of water in its stead.
He eyes the popcorn scattered across the rug. Bowl on its side, pillows strewn over the ground. Honestly, how does Taehyung even function? He pats Taehyung's cheek as he gulps the water.
"We never see you at group movie nights anymore," he pouts as his hands grasp at thin air. "You even spend more time with Junhong than Yoongi-hyung now."
It's an accusation and observation rolled into one. Still, it stings. He scrambles to recall the last time he spoke to Yoongi. Properly. Panic stirs in the pits of his stomach when no immediate memory surfaces. Was it today before they left for during breakfast while half asleep?
Or was it last night? At Yoongi and Namjoon's cramped studio on campus, when Hoseok was coming into to help sort through the finances and practice his part for the new song in their performance next month. Right after Kim Jinhwan bumped into him on his way out of the studio. The mishap had left a sour taste in Hoseok's mouth last night, and now the familiar bile rises once again. His chest feels even more constricted than before. He's numb all over yet his entire body burns.
"Sorry," Hoseok mumbles.
He looks down, only to find Taehyung snoring peacefully in his lap. Hoseok sighs as he combs the younger boy's bangs out of his face, using his free hand to text Jimin to come back from the dance studio to bring Taehyung back to their dorm. He has to tear his eyes away at pure adoration shimmering in Jimin’s eyes as he slides one of Taehyung’s arms over his shoulder.
The acidic taste lingers in his mouth until the next morning.
hoseok (12:15): sry lab's going overtime
hoseok (12:31): lunch tomorrow?
yoongi (12:39): it's k
Hoseok's thumb hovers over his phone as he frowns. He types a message, then deletes it only to pocket his phone. He flashes Junhong a reassuring smile across the table. "Just texting Yoongi." He reaches for Junhong's hand across the table, giving it a tight squeeze.
"You two are close," Junhong notes. It's an innocent statement, but it's eerily similar to Taehyung's only days prior.
"Yeah," Hoseok's mouth curls upwards into something halfway between a smile and a grimace.
There's an unfamiliar emotion brewing inside of him. He listens to Junhong halfheartedly as he swirls the same french fry in ketchup for the duration of his entire story. Although, he's careful enough to nod at the right places and keep the small smile on his face as his mind runs elsewhere.
He barely notices when Junhong finally stands up to leave for his afternoon class. His entire body moves on autopilot; he leans upwards for their usual short kiss. He dimly registers the touch of lips, the brief feeling of warmth before Junhong draws away.
It's Junhong's sigh that alerts Hoseok. He's still standing in front of the table and Hoseok still has an uneaten fry smothered in ketchup. He drops it, smiling sheepishly when he catches Junhong's eye.
"I don't think we should date anymore." Junhong says matter-of-fact.
The words are a bucket of ice. Hoseok blinks. He shudders from the phantom chill. "What?" he sputters. Junhong, usually so open with his emotions, has an imperturbable expression on his face. Panic flares inside Hoseok's chest. The white-knuckle grip he used to have on his life slowly loosens.
"You're a really good boyfriend, hyung. Perfect, actually. But一," and Junhong leans forward, pressing their lips together.
Hoseok's arms flail beside him. He's still unable to register anything beyond the touch of soft lips due to the shock. It's chaste and short. Junhong's face is still impassive as he pulls back. A hint of sorrow lingers on his lips.
"一I think we'd do better as friends." he finishes. Hoseok looks up to see Junhong smiling softly at him. There's a quick flash of melancholy, so overwhelming that it threatens to drown Hoseok in the torrent of emotion.
His throat aches and the words suffocate him. "Sorry," he murmurs, "that I can't like you the way you want me to."
"It's okay," Junhong places his hand on Hoseok's arm. His voice is full of compassion and comprehension. It worsens the lurching guilt in Hoseok’s stomach. "I understand. You like someone else. Besides, you're the best first boyfriend anyone could have."
Hoseok cracks a smile.
The intense guilt, confusion, everything doesn't come crashing down upon Hoseok until hours later. He works like that. Throwing himself into his work or helping out his friends to block out all the Bad Feelings until it becomes unbearable and he can't ignore them anymore. He's agitated as he makes his way to Namjoon and Yoongi's studio, fingers twitchy in time to the swings of the bag of lamb skewers in his hand.
There's Jinhwan standing at the door. He waves to someone一 and Hoseok can't see who from this angle一 inside the studio with a bright smile on his face. In one hand there's a small CD, in the other loose sheets of music and lyrics.
Hoseok heels dig into the concrete. The takeout bag thumps against his side weakly. Jinhwan's eyes crinkle upwards when he notices Hoseok. From here, Hoseok can make out a familiar scrawl occupying the sheets. The cold, winter air seeps its way into his very core. Maybe he should have taken the other winter jacket before he sprinted to the restaurant to buy food.
Yoongi borrowed that jacket weeks ago.
The thought bubbles to the front of Hoseok's mind before it pops and becomes all he can think about. And suddenly, the air around him has become unbearable. He buries his nose into the scarf and wraps his arms around himself. It's only the beginning of December.
"You should get inside. It's really warm in there," Jinhwan tells him.
It's not the first time he's seen Jinhwan at the studio this week. When did he start coming so often? The thought unsettles him. It rattles his bones until they're all shaken up and jumbled. Hoseok nods in acknowledgement, biting the inside of his cheeks. Don't say anything if you don't have anything nice to say his mom always told him. Of course, Hoseok would ignore it and continue to tease his sister. It's because Yoongi hates the cold, he thinks. He likes to crank up the heat until it's almost boiling. And even then he still wears a sweater and uses two blankets to bed.
The blast of hot air is immediate. Hoseok rubs his hands together. He frowns as he flexes his fingers; they're still clammy and cold.
"You look like you've just seen a ghost," Namjoon laughs. His hands reach for the takeout bag on the table.
"That's for you guys to share," Hoseok remarks dryly. Namjoon raises an eyebrow at his caustic tone, but, bless his soul, he doesn't say anything. Hoseok cranes his neck as he looks for Yoongi inside the studio.
"You must be cold," Namjoon says instead. "He's inside." Hoseok flushes. Namjoon is too damn perceptive for his own good.
He takes a container with him into the side room. Sure enough, Yoongi's in there leaning against the mirror as he narrows his eyes at his laptop. Originally, the room contained Yoongi's desk. Then, last year Hoseok when started hanging out at the studio more often and dance practices bled into late night music session with Yoongi, he moved his desk out. ("Twenty less minutes commuting, twenty more minutes practicing," was Yoongi's only explanation.)
He sits down next to Yoongi. He's wearing Hoseok's winter jacket, the one that he claims is better than his. It's a complete lie. They're the exact same brand.
"I brought lamb skewers," Hoseok says. A peace offering. He gauges Yoongi's reaction; Hoseok has felt on edge for hours. His heart pumps adrenaline through his veins. Everything's hazy and sharp simultaneously. Just like when he dances underneath the glaring stage lights. Except this time his mind is cloudy and he can't think straight.
Yoongi's eyes soften. "Thanks," he reaches for a stick. He offers Hoseok an earbud with his free hand. "Give me your input?" he inquires.
Hoseok accepts the earbud. His body relaxes as the first note plays. He rests his head on Yoongi's shoulder as he listens, heart quieting and anxiety dispelled into the air. It's the closest they've been in weeks.
They work until late night borders on early morning. Namjoon left a few hours ago, weary smile but kind eyes as he waved goodbye. (Hoseok doesn't like look on his face as he watched them, as if he knew something that they didn't. Screw Namjoon and his perceptiveness.)
It's a familiar rhythm. Hoseok gives Yoongi his input and Yoongi makes a guttural noise in acknowledgement. Yoongi helps Hoseok on his own songs, giving suggestions and making small tweaks. They talk about classes and stringent professors, as well as finding and developing their own voice in dancing and rapping. It's been awhile since they've been able to talk like this. Hoseok's heart aches at the normalcy.
Yoongi shuts his laptop close hours later. Hoseok stands up in preparation to leave. He waits by the door for Yoongi, dreading the inevitable cold they'll have to bear. Yoongi comes once he's double-checked whole studio. He swings the keys around his fingers. Hoseok doesn't miss the hesitation in Yoongi's step. He narrows his eyes.
"I need to meet up with someone," Yoongi's voice is muffled by the thick, gray scarf.
"Oh. Okay." Hoseok's heart plunges. "I'm going back first then."
"See you later, Hoseok-ah," Yoongi says so quiet it almost gets lost underneath the roaring of Hoseok's blood.
Hoseok says nothing as he turns his back and walks away. He was wrong to think that just because everything was normal at the studio, everything would be normal outside of it. The cold air nips at his nose, making it almost unbearable. Hoseok stuffs his hands into his pockets as he scrapes his feet along the hard pavement.
Right now, Yoongi's probably meeting up with Jinhwan, talking about who-knows-what. The thought should make Hoseok's blood boil, but a numb hollowness spreads from his fingers and toes back into his chest. He hates how he hoped it could just be the two of them, walking back late at night from the studio arm-in-arm like old times. Hoseok ignores the emptiness in his chest.
No stars blink back at him in the inky sky. Hazy clouds obstruct the small sliver of moon. Hoseok grits his teeth in frustration as he kicks at the curb. He misses the twinkling stars, the soft moonlight, Yoongi's quiet laughter on their walks back. Hoseok keeps his eyes on the dark pavement as he walks, not trusting himself to look up to only find the void.
When he raises his head again, he finds himself in front of the glass window of Seokjin's bakery. Seokjin's halfway down the stairs, half obscured by darkness. The soft, yellow light from his shared apartment upstairs is the only source of light. Seokjin's eyes widen.
"What are you doing outside so late?" Seokjin drags Hoseok inside and upstairs into their apartment's kitchen. He pushes Hoseok into one of the chairs, filling up the kettle with water.
The previously mellow light has changed into a harsh, nearly unbearable one. Hoseok's fingers still remain cold, even when Seokjin presses a warm cup of water into his hands. "Thanks," he murmurs as he stares at the mug.
Seokjin says nothing as he sits beside him. He takes a sip from his own mug. The silence fills the room, snaking it's way around Hoseok until it encloses his whole torso.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Seokjin asks.
Hoseok shakes his head. He doesn't take a sip.
"I haven't been feeling well recently," he croaks. Seokjin's eyes soften; he peels Hoseok's hands from his cup. Hoseok's hands from his cup. They're bright red.
"Well, you're always welcome here," Seokjin responds. He sips the hot water, breathing in the steam.
Hoseok bends down to do the same. He can feel the warmth slowly trickle in. It cuts through the icy hollowness. For the first time in weeks, Hoseok's insides aren't vacant. He can feel himself starting to crumble. Inhaling the rising steam before speaking, "Yoongi and I aren't as close anymore. I don't know what's happening or what's wrong with me."
"You two are very different from what you guys seem like on the outside," Seokjin smiles wryly, "It's like you're insides are flip-flopped."
Hoseok laughs, not entirely devoid of bitterness. Still, it's the most genuine laugh he's let out in a while. That he's allowed himself. "All we need Namjoon and this'll be a true philosophical group discussion."
Seokjin snorts. It quickly turns into a cough as he spits out warm water back into his cup. His entire face turns red and Hoseok pats his back sympathetically until Seokjin's face returns to normal.
"I can get him for you," Seokjin tells him. "It's not selfish," he adds more quietly.
Hoseok swallows the lump in his throat. He blinks back the tears at the corner of his eyes and nods.
For the most part, their dorm is desolate and empty for the next week. Hoseok rarely sees Yoongi, and when he does he still hesitates to talk. He has morning classes and club meetings so he's awake and out before Yoongi even wakes. When he comes back, the silence overwhelms him.
So, Hoseok deals with this the same way he's dealt with all other Situations his entire life. He avoids the dorm. He drags himself out of bed before Yoongi's first alarm rings. He loiters in Seokjin's bakery and eats dinner with him or Namjoon. Neither of them say anything, and for that Hoseok is both grateful and spiteful. He hates and loves Seokjin's coddling (he's had more home-cooked meals this whole week than he has the entire semester). Namjoon's calm demeanor and understanding partially frustrates him. He's bursting at the seams, and both of them can see it.
As a solution Hoseok spends more time in the dance studio. At least when he's dancing, he has something to channel his energy into. His previously Junhong-occupied free time is now occupied by Jimin and Taehyung. He can't stand the way the noiselessness pounds against his body. Taehyung and Jimin's laughter fill up the stillness enveloping the dorm; their antics give Hoseok something to do. He's laughs more, with them and without, but there's still an invisible barrier that he can't seem to break through.
"Okay since we're going with animation, Disney, Dreamworks, or Studio Ghibli? Or maybe we should marathon a few One Piece arcs." Taehyung rummages through the DVDs in his bag as they walk up the stairs to Hoseok's dorm.
"As long as we skip over the filler arcs," Hoseok replies. "Why can't we use your or Jimin's room for movie night," he huffs as he pats his pockets for the key. "They're both perfectly fine."
Taehyung wrinkles his nose. "Are you sure? Neither of us have done laundry in weeks." Hoseok makes a face. He's seen the mess that is Kim Taehyung's room, the dirty clothes and figurines scattered across every visible surface.
"Urgh."
"That's what I thought," Taehyung's laughter echoes down the hall as Hoseok unlocks the door. "Besides, Jimin and I are paying for the wine and food." He grins, slinging his arm around Hoseok's shoulder and nudges him into the room.
Hoseok halts two steps later.
"What's this?" Hoseok demands, voice bordering on hysterical.
Yoongi's eyes flicker upwards and lock on his. He's sitting next to Jimin, containers of gimbap and mung bean pancakes lying on the floor in front of his laptop. Jimin has the decency to blush when Yoongi fixes him with a stare.
"It's an Intervention," Taehyung smiles wickedly.
It's only due to the shock that Hoseok allows himself to be pushed down onto the floor across from Yoongi. With a quick apology from Jimin, the two younger boys are out the door. Hoseok can hear Taehyung's cackle on the other side. He stares at the food before them.
"Well, at least he left the food." Yoongi says dryly, reaching for the bibimbap and bulgolgi that Taehyung bought.
"He took the wine though," Hoseok miffs. Even though it had been a bottle of the cheapest wine in the whole store. Hoseok should have known something was amiss as soon as Taehyung suggested they watch a movie at his place but the temptation of free food was too great to resist.
Never trust people when they suddenly offer free food! his sister would say, smiling impishly as she baked cookies to bring to school for her classmates the next day.
"Did they trick you with free food too?" Hoseok swallows the lump in his throat. It feels like they're both on a paper thin sheet of ice and one misstep could send them all plunging into freezing water.
Yoongi snorts. "Yeah," he affirms. There's a lengthy pause. "Jimin told me that you were out on a date." A careful first step. Hoseok senses the caution in Yoongi's carefully chosen words.
"Date?"
"With Junhong?" Yoongi furrows his eyebrows, confusion etched on his face.
"Oh, we broke up a few weeks ago. Guess I'm not too great at long-term relationships." Hoseok laughs. It sounds like nails on chalkboard. He flashes Yoongi a smile, but it comes out all wrong. How pathetic.
Have you ever thought about why it’s so difficult for you to stay in relationships?Hoseok hadn't been able to answer Namjoon's question that night, but maybe he is now. Maybe there's a limit to just how far he can avoid and throw himself into his work before it finally catches up to him. But he’s fucking terrified.
Yoongi narrows his eyes. He feels exposed, naked. There's something about to tumble out of Yoongi's mouth; something on the tip of his tongue. Something that Hoseok won't like. His smile falters.
"So how are you and Jinhwan?" Hoseok inquires. "Are things going well with him?"
"What?" Yoongi frowns. Hoseok doesn't like his scrutinizing gaze. He doesn't like the way Yoongi can see past the fake smile, the laughter, and the front Hoseok is putting upーhas been putting up. He watches Yoongi just as carefully as he's being watched, so he can pinpoint the exact moment Yoongi's eyes widen in shock then melt into understanding. "You think I'm dating Kim Jinhwan." Yoongi states.
Hoseok's thoughts skid to a halt. "Aren't you? I saw you two talking after the dance showcase."
"We aren't," Yoongi answers.
"Then why do I keep seeing him at the studio?" The jealousy creeps up into Hoseok's voice and he hates how it coats every word. He crosses his arms, trying not to be the petulant child he feels like. His heart beats uncomfortably against his throat.
Yoongi snorts. "Is that what this is about? Jinhwan and Hanbin are friends and he's been pestering me and Namjoon since November. He's persistent. We've been working together for a few weeks now. Jinhwan just acts as the middleman sometimes." Yoongi looks down at the food separating them. A small yet large barrier simultaneously.
"Sorry," Hoseok hears himself say faintly. "I didn't know."
"I haven't dated anyone. Not in a long time," Yoongi adds quietly. He meets Hoseok's gaze, unwavering.
"Then why the deal?" Hoseok presses.
"Because I thought that was what you wanted!" Yoongi snaps. Hoseok flinches at the sudden venom lacing Yoongi's words. "I only agreed because you suggested it in the first place. Then you started dating Junhong and you were gone all the time. I was lonely." Yoongi buries his face into his hands. The picture of utter resignation.
Hoseok reaches for Yoongi. "I," he trails off, swallowing the lump in his throat and places his hands back on his thighs. He needs time to process, to think.
Isn't weird that you and Yoongi are both bad at relationships? Taehyung had mentioned to him in passing once. Long before any pact to date was made. Long before he and Yoongi were roommates, in fact. Hoseok had forgotten about it until now.
Whenever he went on dates, there was the distinct lack of something missing. With Jaebum or Junhong, Hoseok was never able to feel anything deeper. They were never able to connect beyond the surface level. As hard as he tried to reciprocate Junhong’s feelings for him, he was never able to. It’s why Hoseok didn’t do long-term relationships. He wasn’t able to feel with the same intensity as the other person felt, and the guilt for being unable to do so consumed him.
"I like you, Hoseok," Yoongi says gently. "That's why I agreed."
The affection in his eyes makes is making Hoseok dizzy and lightheaded. He's finding it difficult to breathe. To think. It reminds him of the soft look Jimin had for Taehyung when he picked him up the other night. A private moment Hoseok accidentally intruded on. Except the look is meant for him this time.
He thinks about the burning jealousy inside of him after he bumped into Youngjae on the staircase. He thinks about the eagerness to swing by the studio to bring Yoongi food. The pleasant warmth spreading through his chest when Yoongi smiled. His soft hands through Hoseok’s hair. His quiet murmurs when they worked together on music or talked late into the night in their dorm. Hoseok used to chalk up the lack of connection in his relationships to the lack of time spent together. After all, all relationships take work. But maybe, there’s another reason.
His body trembles.
"I really only dated Junhong because he asked me and didn't want to let him down. I think I've been scared for awhile." Of what, he doesn't say. Something in Yoongi's piercing gaze tells him that he knows. He pauses. "I missed you, hyung."
He reaches across the miniature wall of food for Yoongi's hand, lacing their fingers together. He shivers at the coolness of Yoongi's hand. It's bony knuckles with a callouses spent from allnighters writing verses and creating melodies. His fingers are short compared to Hoseok's own long, spindly ones. He relishes in the weight of Yoongi's hand in his own.
Yoongi snorts. "We're pretty pathetic, aren't we?"
"Yeah, we are." Hoseok cracks a smile. This time, there is no bitterness. He squeezes Yoongi's hand, trying to convey all his emotions. His fear and anxiety of the future as well as his remorse. But also his own affection. His willingness to try, to venture into the unknown.
He raises their intertwined hands and presses a kiss to Yoongi's hand. Then another, to his lips.
The stage lights obscure Hoseok's vision and the auditorium in front of him only consists of dark shadows and blurry faces. Hoseok's heart beats with the same intensity as the roar of the audience and bass of the music. It's the last song. His shirt drips with sweat. Still, Hoseok can't help smile.
Across the stage, Yoongi lips curl upwards. The microphone in his hand obscures his gums. The music stops but Hoseok's heart still pounds. He and Yoongi lock eyes. It's a look meant for him only. Panting, entire body sticky and damp, Hoseok grins back.
"Great performance guys," Namjoon claps his hands on both their backs, drawing them into his sides.
"Where do you want to eat?" Hoseok asks Yoongi as they walk down the stage. He slips his hand into Yoongi's palm. It's warm, clammy from gripping the microphone so long.
"I'm kind of craving noodles," Yoongi murmurs. He nuzzles Hoseok's neck, pressing a quick kiss to his jaw. "You have that dance audition tomorrow, right?"
Since they've started dating, Hoseok has begun seriously considering positions as a backup dancer. He's worked a few odd jobs as one before, but never a full-time position. A few of the companies have already given him a call.
"Yeah," Hoseok leans to kiss Yoongi properly.
His lips are soft and and warm. It's short and sweet; but there's the spark of leftover adrenaline from their performance. Yoongi's eyes flutter as they break apart. He finds it adorable. Hoseok's lips spread into a wide grin.
"You're so cute," he laughs.
He kisses the top of Yoongi's nose. Yoongi grumbles, swatting him away but there's only affection in his eyes. Besides, Hoseok knows that he loves it. (Peppering his boyfriend with kisses has made its way to the top of Hoseok's list of PDA Min Yoongi May Not So Secretly Like.) Yoongi squeezes his hand. And sure, the two of them both have lots of obstacles to overcome. Yoongi faces the harsh reality of pursuing his dreams while Hoseok has yet to make the same leap of faith that Yoongi has. Sometimes, Yoongi’s ideals weigh down on him more than reality does. It chills him to his very bones. Hoseok still has his own fears, his anxieties about the future and beyond. But with Yoongi's hand in his, he's more than ready to walk forward.
Hoseok leans down to press another kiss to Yoongi's cheek. Just because he can.