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Sorry I didn't kiss you
But it's obvious I wanted to
Yoongi hated it.
He hated the way Hoseok made him feel.
Made him cry.
Made him laugh.
Yoongi hated the way Hoseok would scrunch up his nose while laughing at one of Yoongi's poor attempts at jokes.
Yoongi hated the way it reminded him of soft waves colliding with the rough pebbles of the sand.
Raspy and soft and Yoongi hated it.
(Loved it,really. )
Bubblegum down my throat
And it's a curse
But my luck couldn't get any worse
Yoongi tried to avoid it.
Really,he did.
Everytime Hoseok would mutter softly under his breath about his tiring days, as if he painted the world red.The softest shade of red. The least angry shade of red.
Everytime Hoseok would write his raps and then softly shy away behind his notebook,afraid of criticism. He'd paint Yoongi's ears with his passion.Bright purple.Blinding purple.
Or when Hoseok would fuck up something.Anything,really.Then he'd grin bashfully and start kidding around. He'd paint Yoongi's eyes a beautiful Harlequin.
And when Yoongi couldn't avoid it, he'd try to talk. Try to look this colourful man in the eye and gasp out the strangled words in his throat.But then they'd die out, caught like a fly in a web.Something lumpy in his throat. Sticky and sad and frustrating. Clinging to his words and swallowing them down.
So Yoongi would try to avoid it.
(He's kidding himself,really.)
Cause I swallowed the bubblegum
Oh and these seven years will be pretty dumb
Of course Hoseok had someone.
It was Hoseok, a fucking sunshine dripping his love and his positiveness into every affectionate hug and encouraging words and lovely smiles and bright eyes and of course he'd be loved by everyone.It was the Hoseok effect.And Yoongi knew it had consequences.
Taehyung was a lovely man, don't get Yoongi wrong.
He played with Hoseok's hair just the way the man likes it.
He bought him food when Hoseok was hauled up in his studio for hours.
He kissed his cheek in the morning when Hoseok was feeling like utter shit.
Taehyung wasn't a bad man at all.
"Yoongi, Are you annoyed by Taehyung?"
"Not really,no."
(My pillow is still wet with tears,really.)
Pink flowers growing on my skin
Pepto bismol veins and I grin
But some days it was just Yoongi and Hoseok.
It's the moon and the sun.
It's Hoseok falling on Yoongi's lap and the latter asking for him to stay just a little longer.
It's Hoseok leaning against Yoongi's shoulder watching the sunset and the ducks and asking questions because Hyung don't you think ducks are just as aware of death as we are?
It's when Yoongi and Hoseok play air hockey at the arcade because why not Hyung and Yoongi loses purposefully and the look of victory across Hoseok's face, pink cheeks and all, is enough to persuade Yoongi to throw his pride out of the window.
Moments like these makes him feel as if Hoseok's all his.
(He's not, really.)
You look so nice in your shirt
It's sad because it just hurts
Love is a constant itch in the back of your throat. It's when your throat is dry and you won't admit it because I'm not coughing yet so it's fine and yet it keeps nagging,hurting,strangling for relief.
Date nights with Taehyung are a routine now.Yoongi likes that.
Routine means constant use dulls the unfamiliarity.
Dulls the pain because we're so used to seeing it now,no?
Dulls the pain because he always wears the shirts i end up choosing for him when we shop.
Dulls the pain because hey Yoongi I haven't been able to reply,I was with Tae <3
It's fine because routine dulls the pain.
(Alcohol does too,really.)
I'd do anything for you
But would you do that for me too?
Everyone thought they knew Hoseok.
Fun little ray of sunshine,bursting through doors,all smiles and happy vibes and have you eaten yet,Hyung? or I know the perfect joke for you,Hyung!
Yoongi knew better.
He knew better because sometimes purple turned to gray,to clouds of crumbled self esteem and harsh criticism and thrashing limbs and crying messes at 4 am.
He knew better because bright,glowing harlequin sometimes dimmed to olive and black,to hazy voices and empty thoughts,to red rimmed eyes and fuck i hate everything i hate everyone fuck this.
Hoseok was like a moon, familiar phases but different ones all together and maybe that's why only Yoongi understood him.And Hoseok did too.
"Did you tell Taehyung-ah about your depression,Hoseok?"
"Just hold me,Yoongi."
(He didn't understand anything,really.)
'Cause I swallowed the bubblegum
Oh and these seven years will be pretty dumb
Yoongi could lie all he wants.
He could pretend,late at night,when Hoseok climbs into his bed because nightmares,hyung and sleeps soundly against his chest, that Hoseok's his and he's cuddled against him and he sleeps next to him only.
Yoongi could lie all he wants.
He could pretend that the texts that gets Hoseok all fluttery and pink and smiling like the perfect idiot he is,are Yoongi's.
But Yoongi's sure he'll never get rid of the truth pricking at his heart.
Twisting his guts.
Provoking his tear ducts.
Hoseok wasn't his.
Never was.
He hated that.
(...but he loved him,really.)