Chapter Text
“This wasn’t supposed to happen.”Shinkai sobbed, standing above the casket. He didn't want to believe it. He wanted to go back and change how that whole day played out. If he hadn't have taken so long leaving school maybe it would have been him that got hit by that car, or if he had let Arakita stay with him, neither of them would have gotten hit.
But that wasn't the case. So here he was; standing over his boyfriend’s casket at his funeral. His body trembled as choked sobs slipped from his mouth. He couldn't take his eyes off Arakita’s body. Eyes closed mouth still. “No..it's all wrong. He’s supposed to look mad.”Shinkai whispered to no one in particular.”This can’t be real!” He suddenly shouted, his voice cracking.Fukutomi moved over and wrapped an arm around his shoulder. Shinkai gripped at his own hair,”It’s my fault! He should still be here! If I had been there I could've pulled him out of the way, Juichi…”
“You can't torture yourself like that. It was not your fault, Hayato.” The blonde said with finality.
The younger Shinkai brother turned away, he couldn't look at his brother. He had never seen him like this. His stomach twisted with guilt, he had held his brother up at school, which was why he hadn't left with Arakita. Tears were dripping down his cheeks by now, Arakita was like another brother to him. But now, Hayato had lost his boyfriend, and he had lost someone so close to him.
They would be moving on to the procession soon. Shinkai bent over the casket, brushing Arakita’s hair away from his forehead and kissing his forehead softly.”I love you, Yasutomo. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there. I’m so fucking sorry.” He whimpered with a shaky voice. He squeezed Arakita’s cold hand once more before stepping back.
He realized that this was his last time seeing Arakita, ever. He would never see him smile that soft smile that he reserved for him.He won't wake up to him laying next to him ever again. He wouldn't hear his laugh or hear him yell at him for beating him in video games. He’ll never get to hold his hand again. Or kiss him. Or make love to him. He doesn't have a boyfriend anymore.
The thought of that was jarring and he looked at Toudou,”...Jinpachi...I don't have a boyfriend anymore.”
Toudou saw how he was shaking, and soft surprised tone in his voice.He had been trying not to cry, but seeing Shinkai murmuring with that painful look on his face made his heart ache. He grabbed Shinkai and pulled him into a tight hug.”I’m so sorry…”
“I don't want to be without him…”
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There was a feeling of emptiness in the pit of Shinkai’s stomach as he watched his boyfriend being lowered into the ground. “I never thought that at 18 I’d be watching the man I love be buried.” He paused,” I thought I would be going to college and hanging out with him when i can. But now he’s dead..? He was only 18. He wanted to do so much. If God is real, he’s a fucking asshole. Yasutomo didn't deserve that. He didn't deserve to die like that…” Shinkai’s eyes were dark and didnt have the usual lilting tease in them.
Yuuto watched his brother, realizing in horror,’He’ll never be the same..’