Chapter Text
She was just what he needed, and God did he hate himself a little for knowing that.
She reminded him of MC, actually. A little plain looking and kind of boring, but she had a smile that told the world she was so much more. He wondered briefly, after first laying eyes on her, what would have happened if he'd chosen her instead of his brother's now fiancee.
None of that mattered now, though. The past was the past and what had happened, well, happened. Saeran hadn't chosen [Name] to unknowingly infiltrate the RFA; a fact he was more than happy to admit. Despite being difficult and stagnant for quite some time after being rescued, everything had worked out. His brother was happy, MC was happy, Yoosung had his cousin back, Zen's career continued to flourish, Jumin's business was good as usual, and Jaehee was still living comfortably, if not still stressed. And Saeran... He didn't want to admit it, but he was happy too.
It was a stupid, overly romantic thought but it was true: If Saeran was the moon and the night sky, [Name] was the sun and the colors that painted the early morning. She was a brightness in his life, a source of his happiness and inner peace. [Name] was everything Saeran wasn't.
Of course, for as good as everything was, the couple had their issues like everyone else. There were moments Saeran would snap, lashing out at his brother, future sister in law, and lover with a viciousness that caused all exposed to recoil. He would hear or see something that triggered him into a depressive episode, speaking cruelly to the aforementioned members of his family and pushing them as far away as he could. [Name] learned early on to tell the difference between the times Saeran needed to be left alone and the times he needed someone close and stable, and she was there for all of them. During the times he needed someone, [Name] would sit with him, sometimes with her shoulder touching his or his head resting against her chest, and the two would look at the sky together while [Name] threaded her fingers through his hair comfortingly. During the times he needed space, [Name] would leave him be until he returned to her, his eyes full of shame and his shoulders hunched as he quietly asked her for forgiveness. She gave it to him, every time.
Saeran had gone through so many things and had come out on the other end: A damaged, fairly broken soul that was trying to piece itself together. There would be times he would fall apart again, and the people around him would cut their feet stepping on the shards of glass, but they would always help him start rebuilding once more. For that, Saeran was eternally grateful.
[Name] had become such a pillar in his life that Saeran wasn't sure what would happen if she left. Shatter, probably; She was his strongest support. The idea of her leaving him, of deciding his mood swings and depression were too much to handle terrified him out of his mind. At night while laying next to her, Saeran would occasionally be struck with a sudden panic that he might wake up that morning and she would be gone. As soon as that feeling hit, he would reach out and carefully wrap his arms around her, treating her as though the slightest bit of pressure would cause her to break. Pulling her to his chest, Saeran would breathe in her scent and close his eyes and remind himself that she wouldn't do that- She would never do that to him. She'd promised him. She wouldn't break her promise. It would take him several hours to feel safe enough to fall asleep, and once he did he would only pull her closer. Whenever [Name] woke up with Saeran's arms caging her against his body, she knew that fears of her disappearing had kept him up. Waiting for him to wake up, [Name] would greet his sleepy eyes with a smile and quiet "good morning", pressing against him even more so he could feel her heartbeat and know that she was still there.
The love Saeran felt for [Name] was indescribable. It scared him and made him happy all at once, hope of a normal, happy future with her filling his chest every time he thought about it. He would always second guess himself, though. Was he truly worthy of someone like her? For everything he'd done, for everything he'd almost done, for everything he'd put the people he could now call his friends though, did he deserve a happy life with the woman he loved? Would the kindness she showed him be better fit for someone else?
Those questions also kept him up at night. Those were the thoughts he didn't want anyone to know about. Those were the insecurities he felt he could never truly express. Those worries, the ones he would never willingly tell a soul, were the same one [Name] seemed to pick up on like it was a second nature to her, almost like she could read his mind.
And every single time one of those thoughts crossed his mind, every single time he felt his heart sink a little lower in his chest, he would look for [Name] and she would give him the brightest, most loving smile she could muster.
And Saeran knew that, really, he had nothing to worry about.