Chapter Text
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***
It's late evening and the hall is filled with people eating, feasting and laughing.
Still, Athelstan stays at the door and looks out to the sea. His mind is filled with too many emotions and thoughts and the closeness inside has become too overwhelming. He can feel another presence beside him before he sees the other one.
Ragnar has kept an eye on his favorite little priest. When the younger man continued to stay at the door and stare blankly outside, the King knew he should do something. So he stands and crosses the small distance. Aslaug doesn't even look at him when he departures, just stares angrily at the table. That is a problem for later, Ragnar thinks.
Athelstan sees Ragnar step beside him and together they look out to the sea for a moment. Water is truly fascinating. So calm and strong at the same time, constantly crashing against the sand. Reaching over the horizon. Sometimes Athlestan envies the sea for it' steadiness when he himself feels conflicted, like something pulls him in different directions, trying to tear him apart.
Ragnar doesn't like the look that Athelstan has on his face. It's one he has seen way too often lately. It's a look that puts him on the edge. He doesn't like it seeing on his beloved friend. He needs something to pull the other out of his deep space inside his mind.
"If Lagertha and I would invite you to share our bed, today. Would you still refuse us, as you once did?" Ragnar gives the other man a smirk. He doesn't know where that question came from, it just formed and passed his mouth, without him considering it. But he finds, that he really wants to know the answer.
Athelstan looks down and snorts, but gives the other a small smile. How easy things have been in a way back then. He never questioned his faith back then. Or had this burning desire for this beautiful man beside him. Sometimes he wishes he could go back to these times.
Ragnar is relieved when Athelstan gives him a smile, but way too soon the other gets this lost look again. That just won't do. So he does, what he always does when he wants something. He reaches out and takes the younger man's hand in his. Athelstan lets him, so Ragnar counts that as a win.
Ragnar caresses the scar gently. He feels a stabbing pain at seeing it. It reminds Ragnar of his failure to keep his little priest safe.
"I know you well, my friend. And I know what tortures you." He encloses Athelstan's hand and holds it with care. He gives the other a soft, but yet understanding look. Ragnar wants Athelstan to know that will always be there for him.
Athelstan is conflicted at the words and looks down at his hands, Ragnar has caressed so gently a moment ago. His heart is filled with love and gratefulness and pain at the same time.
Ragnar speaks again and the shorter man is surprised when the Viking says he is in the same position. Neither can hide from God and the gods. He risks a glance at the tall blond, trying to see if he speaks the truth. Athelstan relaxes a little bit when he sees only honesty shining in the other's eyes. They talk about Wessex and it puts a smile on Athelstan's face. Ragnar cherishes in it and smiles too.
"Wherever you go, I will follow", he says and he can see the surprise on the younger's face. He can feel Athelstan searching gaze and tries to convey his feelings strongly. Ragnar is absolutely honest. Yes, this level of honesty surprises even him. But it's completely true. He will always stay at Athelstan's side. He once left him alone and see what happened. Ragnar won't make this mistake ever again.
That sentence makes Athelstan's emotion rage again and he tries hard to control them. Why does Ragnar always say these things? It's killing him. He is glad when the Viking says they should go back inside. Athelstan really doesn't know how he is supposed to deal with all this.
Athelstan goes before him and Ragnar's brain management control has switched off again because in one moment he is behind the other and in the next, he is groping the behind of the other man.
Athelstan goes deadly still. Is that? It can't be...
"What are you doing?"
Well, thinks Ragnar, but says with mischief and a smirk: "We are following each other."
Athelstan gives him a look and shakes his hand. Oh, yes. Maybe he should take his hand of the other's butt. Ragnar does so reluctantly. It's a nice butt, after all.
***
Later that night Athelstan lies in bed and stares at the ceiling. A hollow feeling of loneliness is settling in his chest. As it does almost every night.
There is a faintly knock on the door and then it opens and his favorite Viking is sticking his head inside the room.
"Athelstan? Athelstan, are you awake?"
He sighs and sits up. "Yes, come inside before all the warmth is outside."
Ragnar gives him a loopy smile and closes the door and then comes to sit on his bed. Athelstan has meanwhile lit a few candles.
It's not the first time this happened. Since Athelstan has returned from Wessex Ragnar would sneak away from his halls and come to the hut in the middle of the night.
They talk about their next raid, or about religion, the stars, pretty much about everything that comes to mind.
Athelstan has soon learned that Ragnar is a man filled with endless curiosity. It makes him an excellent conversational partner.
They always fall asleep somewhere during their discussion, but when Athelstan wakes in the morning, Ragnar is gone.
Still, he has seen the looks Aslaug has been throwing at him. It would be unwise to continue this.
Ragnar shifts closer and lies down beside his little priest. He too knows that Aslaug is suspecting where he spends the nights. But Ragnar can't find it in him to stay away. His marriage has become loveless and cold. While when he stays here, he feels happy and warm.
Athelstan is a little bit startled when the other lies down next to him straight away. Normally they talk sitting and end up lying and entangled with each other somewhere during the night. They never started like this. But Athelstan senses that this night is different than those before.
Ragnar closes his arms around the shorter man and rubs his arm in a soothing motion. Eventually, all that happened has led them here. Ragnar may seem distant and closed off to other's, but once somebody earned his respect and trust, Ragnar is loyal to a fault.
But in the case of Athelstan, he holds him dear, more than his other friends. He has desired this little monk from the beginning, but he took no joy in sex if the other person wasn't willing. The Athelstan back then has been scared and vulnerable and so Ragnar hadn't pressured him when the priest said no to him and Lagertha.
But now. Now he became a strong willed man, with a kindness that surpassed everybody's else. Ragnar always thought Athelstan to be good looking, but now he knows the other's soul, with all its flaws, and he is for Ragnar the most stunning beautiful man ever.
Ragnar knows well enough what his kinship thinks about sex between man. But it would never be just sex with Athelstan. He loves him dearly and he doesn't see any fault in loving somebody, woman or man. And besides, he finds that he cares very little about what other's say. They can go to Hel.
Athelstan tries to resist the touch Ragnar gives so freely and lovingly, but he asks himself why he should. He tried to pray his desire away, then he buried it deep, then he tried to ignore it even existed. In the end, he is tired of the games.
Can't he give in just a little bit? Just for tonight?
Ragnar looks up and his gaze meets Athelstan. They look at each other for some time, Ragnar still rubbing the other's arm.
The air feels charged, they both can feel it. They waited and wanted for so long, always fearing to break what they have. But here in the twilight of the candles, it's plain as day what they both desire.
Ragnar shifts and caresses the younger's face with his hand, then travels down to the neck and finally traces Athelstan's plush lips.
They lean in at the same time, meeting in a passionate kiss. When they break apart, both men are out of breath.
"Do you have any idea how long..."
"Yes. Me too."
"Where you go I follow, eh?"
A chuckle. "Yes my dear. I will follow you everywhere. Even though I would prefer to stay in bed, right here with you."
A laugh. "Good, I do too."
They kiss and laugh at the same time, playfully shoving each other.
In the end, Ragnar comes out on top of Athelstan and leans down slowly, placing a gentle kiss on the other's lips.
It's a promise for the night, but also for all that is to come.
Athelstan murmurs against his mouth: "Wherever you go, I will follow" and these are the most beautiful words Ragnar has ever heard.