Archive of Our Own ^beta

Your eyes glance over to the news, briefly wondering when the trash tv show you were watching ended, before returning to the door and you scramble to get up from your curled in position. A fist meets the door again when you’re halfway to it, but you only rush to peer through the peephole. A hooded figure stands in front of the door. He’s oddly jittery and you wonder if he’s cold. You open the two locks and swing the door open.

Before you can confirm who it is, you’re being pushed inside by the shoulders before the figure pushes the door behind him and the click that sounds tell you both that it has shut. He turns around and drops the hood. You realize that he's a stranger. Panic barely gets time to rise to your throat when the man interrupts your panic attack before it can even start. Your mind wanders to the taser in your purse that lies on your bedroom floor.

“Do you know V?”, he asks eyes drilling into your own as you feel oddly naked under his scrutiny. His oddly colored hair, mint green, is drenched at the bangs, but dry everywhere else. The humidity seems to have caught up either way as it is frizzy and fluffy. You swallow thickly, covering your bare arms by holding onto your own biceps.

“V who?”, you ask, genuinely confused, and the strange man sighs loudly and closes his eyes. He runs his hands over his face and for the first time you realize that he looks tired. On the urge of passing out actually and you almost feel bad for him. Almost. Even you can’t feel sympathy towards a stranger invading your private space.

“You’d know if you knew him. Why the fuck would he send me here?”, the man grumbles more to himself than the girl whose apartment he has just barged into. You run your eyes over his baggy, dark clothing that clings to his skin where he’s the most drenched. He detaches his hands from his face and raises his eyes to another determined gaze directed at you.

“He’s lanky, annoyingly handsome, loves wearing weird outfits, has weird humor- actually he’s weird all over, uh, has this square-shaped grin he never can seem to wipe off-”, the man rambles on, hands flying as he tries to grasp an image into his head.

“Wait- you don’t mean Kim Taehyung, do you?”, you question and his voice dies in his throat as he stares up at you with disbelief painted all over his expression. You feel intimidated, taking a step back at the intense gaze.

“How do you know that name?”, he asks, tone serious and you’re genuinely starting to get worried. You start praying that you don't get murdered or kidnapped in the next five minutes, even if you've never believed in any higher power. And, like the situation wasn't creepy enough, he has to use these mysterious lines, as if he came straight from a movie. Trust Taehyung to bring weird creeps to your doorstep.

“Well, that’s who he introduced himself as. Don’t tell me he’s catfishing me?”, you speak, your tone getting higher the more you think about it. You really should start avoiding Taehyung like any sane person would do.

“No, just, that’s odd. And I think it’s the opposite of catfishing- wait why the fuck would he do that?”, the man rambles off again and you try to keep up but it’s really hard with the way you know absolutely nothing about the man. If he was looking for Taehyung, then he came to the wrong place. Your knowledge of him is limited to his name, his phone number (which he never answers) and the occasional names he drops.

“Just a quick question; are you by chance trying to hurt him?”, you squeak carefully and the loud burst of laughter from the man with the mint colored hair startles you. It's so unlike his earlier serious expression that you wonder if he's crazy.

“Quite the opposite, actually. I’m trying to keep him out of trouble”, the man speaks and you scoff at him. You can’t hold back the sass.

“Kim Taehyung? Out of trouble? I’m sorry, but Taehyung is the trouble”, you speak, feeling more comfortable after hearing that you didn’t just give away some crucial piece of information to an enemy of Taehyung. On second thought, maybe you should? The man grins at you before sighing briefly and holding out a hand.

“Sorry for rudely barging into your apartment. I’m- oh what the hell, I’m Yoongi”, he tells and you shake his hand. It’s cold and moist, unpleasant to touch. He withdraws quickly. You're quick to recognize that name, feeling way better now that you do.

“Taehyung spoke about you. Well, more like muttered about ‘Yoongi’ killing him before cackling loudly at the thought of it. Glad to put a face to the name”, you speak and he scoffs.

“Well at least he knows he’s doing something wrong”, he mutters to himself.

“In fact, I really know nothing about Taehyung. He has always just come and gone however he pleases”, you complain and judging by the sympathetic look on Yoongi, he knows exactly what you mean.

“He hasn’t… done too much harm has he?”, he questions voice more silent and careful than usual and you shrug.

“Nothing permanent”, that’s probably a lie and you think Yoongi knows that too. You've never been a good liar, not even to yourself.

“Well, I’m sorry to pull you into this mess, but Taehyung has disappeared and we think you might know where he has gone to”, Yoongi tells and you furrow your eyebrows.

“What do you mean disappeared? I don’t think he was ever here to begin with. Are you sure he’s not just running loose somewhere causing chaos?”, you ask but Yoongi sighs before shaking his head.

“I don’t know how much to tell you, but we know for a fact that he has really disappeared this time”, he tells and you feel anxious at the thought.

“You keep saying we”, you point out and he smiles apologetically.

“Like I said, I don’t know how much I can tell you. Taehyung didn’t tell you much of anything either, it seems”, he continues and you eye him suspiciously. He catches on, but doesn’t blame you.

“But he told you his name. And that’s a lot”, Yoongi continues, voice more quiet than before.

“Is V… what other people call him?”, you ask and Yoongi nods.

“It’s what practically everyone calls him. To hear that you don’t even know about that is surprising”, he clarifies and you blink in confusion. There have been occasions where people have said the random letter out loud in the presence of Taehyung, but you never really caught on that other people might call him that.

“Why would he let me call him Taehyung then?”, you question but you only get a shrug and a shake of Yoongi’s head as an answer.

“Who knows. Really, everything about that guy is questionable. Don’t think too much into it”, he says but you can’t really help it. You wonder if you know something else that other people don’t. But the thing is, the stuff he says is often nonsense and rarely sticks to your mind. Even if he had told you stuff about himself it was probably concealed by ridiculousness.

“He left us a note. Just wrote down an address and told us to seek you out”, he explains and digs out a crumpled piece of paper from his hoodie’s pocket. He unravels it and hands it to you. You take it gingerly and recognize the messy handwriting easily.

‘To find me you have to find her first.’

“Is he treating this as a fucking game?”, you say before you can stop yourself. Yoongi chuckles and looks at the tv still playing in the background.

“Everything is a game to Taehyung”, he mumbles but you hear it either way. It’s true and you realize that you shouldn’t have expected anything else from him. All Taehyung has to offer is temporary happiness and brutal disappointment.

“Have you known him for long?”, you ask and Yoongi snaps his eyes back to you. He’s adamant to answer and you scowl at him.

“Is that confidential too?”, you question but he chuckles and shakes his head.

“No, it’s just, hard to answer”, he tells and you wonder what he means by it.

“Well, I’d like some answers for once. In order to know where he could be I’d have to know him first”, you reason and he looks down at the floor.

“Well, we thought we knew him as well. But turns out he can still go under the radar just like that”, he says and you can hear the hurt in his voice. You can taste bitterness in it, can feel the disappointment radiating from Yoongi when he admits that.

“Don’t beat yourself up over it. That’s his thing. He makes people think you have it all before he takes it all away. But you don’t need me to tell you that”, you attempt to comfort the man and he smiles at you as he lifts his eyes back to you.

“Yeah, well, a reminder is always nice”, he tells and sighs. Then he moves to take a seat on your armchair. He turns away from the tv as you take a seat on the couch.

“So, let’s start from the basics. What do you know about Taehyung?”, Yoongi asks and you take a deep breath as you try to recall anything useful about him.

“Well, just a heads up, I don’t know if anything I’m going to mention is even true”, you remind him and he just shrugs.

“There can be truth in lies”, he mentions vaguely and you try to ignore it as you dig through the folder in your brain labeled Kim Taehyung.

“He likes flowers. Has a thing for them. Sometimes he just picks some up from a ditch somewhere and gives them to me, as a joke I presume. His favorite denim jacket has roses embroidered on it, too. I really like that jacket. Once or twice he even came to my house with a flower crown on his head. Called it a fashion statement”, you recall and before you know it, you’re rambling. Yoongi hums.

“Yeah, I know that jacket. I never thought about it, but he does have flowers in his room more often than not”, he tells and you round your eyes.

“You know where he lives?”, you ask and he realizes what he has let slip too late, so he only sighs.

“Yeah, I’m his… I guess roommate. Don’t ask anything further, I won’t tell”, Yoongi informs before waving his hand in the air, dismissing the topic. You don’t probe it further, deciding to ponder on that later.

“He came to me on his 21st birthday, so I guess he’s 21. Born on 30th of December. Drunk out of his mind, possibly high. He just danced around my living room for what felt like hours. Didn’t have the heart to kick him out. He kissed me, and ran the fuck away. Didn’t see him until three weeks after. In a grocery store of all places. Stealing ramen. He pretended to have forgotten all about it”, you ramble again and judging from the silence from Yoongi’s end, he knows the turmoil inside of you. He doesn’t comment on it, knowing better than to judge a human heart.

“I remember that night. It’s been almost four months now? V started drinking at like 3pm, invited strangers to the house to celebrate, disappeared midway through. He came back like two days later”, Yoongi informs and you feel the lump in your throat grow the more you hear about the life he never showed you. Now the worry doubles inside of you. If he disappears like that often, why is this guy worried now?

“I know you must have a reason, but why not contact the police?”, you ask, the thought has been spiraling in your mind for awhile now. Only now, you gather the courage to ask. You’re not sure if you want to know.

“It’s not a situation where we can just involve police into this”, Yoongi answers vaguely again topped with an apologetic smile. For once you’re thankful for the vague answer.

“What are you exactly looking for here? There must be something on your mind”, you attempt to pry again and judging from the hesitation in Yoongi’s expression you almost succeed, but he stays tight lipped.

“Anything, really. A place where he took you, or he may have mentioned? Somewhere he wants to go or somewhere he has been to?”, he tries to help the situation and only one place springs to mind.

“The last time he contacted me he called me. He never does that, usually he just tracks me down and appears out of nowhere. Anyway, he called me and was all weird”, with the rise of Yoongi’s eyebrows you roll your eyes.

“Well, he’s always weird, but the thing is, he talked normally. His voice was kind of quiet and he just kind of talked like a normal person. He asked if I could go somewhere with him”, you clarify and Yoongi furrows his eyebrows.

“But I was really busy with extra work so I told him I couldn’t. Maybe I should have. He didn’t insist like he usually would if he didn’t just straight up drag me somewhere”, you continue and you can already hear the question on the tip of Yoongi’s tongue.

“He sent me the address afterwards though, I googled it out of curiousity but it just turned out to be a random house in the suburbs. I assumed he was just inviting me to a house party”, you say and before you can even end your sentence, Yoongi is springing up, startling you with the sudden movement.

“Let’s go”, is all he says and it reminds you terribly of Kim Taehyung.

“Let’s go”, Taehyung says before you can protest and grabs your wrist as you open the door for him. He doesn’t consider the fact that you’re not wearing a jacket, or the fact that your tv is still on, or the fact that you’re still in your house slippers. Your door closes with a heavy thud behind you when he drags you with him down the apartment building stairs.

“My keys!”, you shriek halfway down just now remembering them, but Taehyung only laughs.

“I’ll break you in when we come back”, he promises but you don’t trust him. You’ll just have to call the landlord, again.

“Where are we going?”, you ask at the last set of stairs and the exhilarated look Taehyung gives you as he turns to look at you is enough to have you tripping and falling. Your legs remain steady though.

“Dancing!”, he yells and you couldn’t protest even if you wanted to. You hold onto his hand tighter and let yourself mimic the breathtaking smile Taehyung has on his face.

Outside, you only have to complain about the cold twice before he’s draping his denim jacket, the one with the roses on it, over your shoulders and fastening his pace once again. He doesn’t let go of your hand until three hours later when he excuses himself to the bathroom in the club and doesn’t reappear until five days later after he has left your broken heart on the dance floor.

“Take a left here”, you instruct as you observe the navigator on your phone’s screen. Yoongi follows through, the blinker unnecessary in the abandoned streets. The rain pours all over the car and you shuffle deeper into your bright yellow raincoat at the sound of it. Yoongi’s hood is once again up and he eyes the house you point to. It’s the only house in the street, these are freshly constructed roads, and no one has started building houses yet. The windows are dark and the driveway is empty. Yoongi parks to the side of the street and leans closer to your side as he peers through the windows. There’s nothing.

“I don’t think he’s here”, you comment, creeped out by the atmosphere. Yoongi glances at you, before wordlessly unbuckling his seatbelt and opening his door. He climbs out and you sigh before following suit. You lift up your raincoat’s hood before stepping out into the rain. You catch up to Yoongi just as he rings the doorbell followed by a couple knocks. They’re similar to the ones you received only an hour back. Nobody answers.

“It’s empty”, Yoongi concludes and you nod absentmindedly before rounding your eyes as he digs out a paper clip from his pocket and falls to his knees in front of the door.

“Wait, you think you can just lockpick your way into an expensive house like this?”, you shriek and glance around even if there’s no one there. Yoongi laughs as he wets his lower lip with his tongue in concentration. He pushes the thing into the lock and fumbles with it.

“Taehyung did. And he’s not even the best lockpick. You’d be surprised the things you can do with just a paperclip”, Yoongi mumbles and this time you don’t even comment on the new piece of truth that has slipped out of his mouth. What does being the best lockpick even mean? Do you even want to know what these people do with their time? Yoongi falls into silence after that, probably realizing his mistake as well, and you let him be. You spin around and observe the empty street.

There’s no signs of life here, and it’s eery. Like no one’s supposed to be here. You take a stroll into the rain as you trail your eyes over the two storey house. The garage doors are locked shut with a chainlink and the wooden gate to the backyard is tall and sturdy. You push on it, but nothing happens. You suppose it’s being blocked from the other side. You check the rest of the fence out, but it surrounds the yard perfectly. You could probably climb over it, but that’s only plan B if Yoongi over there can’t do it.

“Done”, speaking of the devil, he calls out to you as the door creaks open. You rush back over to him, dying of curiousity. He steps into the dark house, digging for his phone and turning on the flash as he takes cautious steps inside. You stick to his back, unconsciously grabbing onto the back of his hoodie. He doesn’t seem to notice.

The hallway is your typical house entrance. The stairs to the upper level are narrow on the left side and the rest of the house is divided with walls and empty doorways. The walls are painted in a warm cream color, floors light wood. The kitchen is to the right, but only the white cupboards hang on the empty walls. No appliances have been installed and the only furniture sits in the corner of the room, a glass table covered in dust.

Yoongi backtracks into the hallway and you follow suit. To the left there is an empty large, open room with large windows. There’s an empty fireplace and a layer of dust on top of any possible surface. Through the living room is just a small bathroom and another equally empty room that has sliding glass doors to the backyard. Neither of you have any desire to go back into the rain, so you decide to leave it for last.

Yoongi heads for the narrow stairs. You peek over his shoulder most of the time, completely terrified of what you could find. The upstairs is considerably more cramped, divided into multiple doors. Yoongi opens the first one on the left, but only an empty room lies beyond. He moves on to the next, now checking out the rooms less thoroughly as only emptiness seems to be present in the house. The doors to the left all lead to nothing useful so he moves on to the three on the right. There’s yet another bathroom and only two empty bedrooms.

“There’s nothing here”, you say before Yoongi can and he sighs, but retreats back to the upstairs hallway with determination in his eyes. He stops midway and looks up. The attic.

“Nope, do you know what kind of shit happens in the attics in movies? What if we find–”, before you can finish Yoongi reaches for the handle and reaches it just barely. He yanks on it and the stairs slide down and meet the floor with a thud. You whine but follow after Yoongi who climbs up. The view you’re met up renders you speechless.

As Yoongi’s phone’s flash runs over the floor of the attic, dead flowers come to sight. Shriveled up roses and daisies littered all over the floor, petals of unknown wildflowers on top of chrysanthemums. Yoongi steps up and flowers crunch under his shoes. You don’t have the capability to climb up, just staring helplessly at what could have been something beautiful. Yoongi doesn’t say anything but you both know what’s going through your heads.

What would have happened if you would have went that day when Taehyung called you to come? If the floor is littered in beautiful flowers, what would he have had to say to you? Why you of all people? And why didn’t he just steal you away if it was so important that he had to do all this?

Why did he disappear?

“There’s an envelope”, Yoongi’s voice echoes in the space but he makes no move to go get it. You feel weak as you climb up onto the attic floor. Your shoes swim in flowers as you walk up to the white envelope and take it gingerly with shaky hands. There’s nothing written on it, so you only open it. Your fingers glide over the edge and a papercut grazes the skin between your thumb and index finger. You unravel the folded paper and stare at the familiar messy writing for a few seconds before your eyes refocus on the words.

‘Hey, it’s me. V. Taehyung.

I love you. But that’s not the point of this note. I’ll try at least. You met one of the guys, probably. Or maybe you met two? They wouldn’t send out all of them, even if it’s about me.

I love you. I’m sorry. That you have to find out this way. Remember my birthday? When I kissed you? I pretended to have forgotten. But the truth is, even if I try to forget, I can’t. Even if I knock myself out with alcohol, it plays in my head like one of those gifs on the internet. It’s trippy.

I wanted you to come. So bad. But I knew you were working when I called you. I don’t blame you for not coming. I knew you wouldn’t. I guess I deserve it. For messing with you so much.

You probably don’t understand where these words are coming from. I don’t either, but I know you’ll be able to learn one day. You’re already learning things about me that even I didn’t know existed.

I will never be able to be enough for you. But I’ll still disrupt your life, because I don’t know how to stop myself. I’m a flame and you’re the water that extinguishes me. And I’m so terribly tired sometimes. I need you to put me out. I need you.

This letter is kind of disgusting. What I feel is kind of disgusting. I need to smoke. But you wouldn’t like that. I’ll do it anyway.

When and if we ever meet again, please don’t expect these words to ever come out again. You know me, in ways that not many people know me. Just, please find me. The guys are probably helpless by now, they need you. I need you to find me and bring me back to reality.

I’ve been lost far too long.

Remember that club where we danced until I ran away because the sight of you made it hard to breathe? Go there. Talk to Jackson.

I love you. I’ll write that here, because they are words you want to hear. I’ll write that here, because they are words I can never say out loud.’

The edges of the paper are crumpled under your tight grip and you barely notice how you’ve curled into yourself. There’s wet trails on your cheeks, but you wipe the remnants away and they don’t come back. You turn to Yoongi who’s pointing the phone’s flash at the floor behind you. You can barely make out his face in the dark, but you can tell it’s filled with sympathy you really don’t want to receive.

“Let’s go to Astro”, you tell, determined yet voice shaky.

“The club?”, he questions, already approaching the steps back down from the attic. You don’t answer, only look up now that the extra person is gone.

There’s a clear glass window through the roof but the stars aren’t visible because of the heavy rain and dark clouds. You feel lonely, gazing up at the empty, dull, gray. You wonder if this is what Taehyung felt as well.

‘P.s. Look up. It’s beautiful. I wish you came. I wish I wasn’t such a coward.’

“This is stupid. So, so stupid”, you speak to yourself, like a mantra of sorts as you climb the ladder with wobbly feet and an upturned stomach. Taehyung is way above you by now, pace fast and reckless as he climbs up further and further. It’s the side of a middle school you went to many years ago. You’re three stories high in the air, Taehyung is four, nearing the top.

The metal ladder is cold to the touch, but you cling onto it for dear life. The only sound in the air is the creaks of metal that ring in your head like your worst nightmare. Images of you splattered on the ground twist their way into your mind. Images of Taehyung laughing at you from the top follow. Except that they aren’t just pictures in your head.

“Shut the fuck up, Taehyung!”, you yell and he cackles as he leans dangerously over the edge.

“C’mon, it’ll be worth it when I get to push you over the ledge”, he jokes. You hope he does. You ignore him this time as you continue the mantra in your head.

Kim Taehyung is stupid. So, so stupid.

Once you reach the top, you’re eager to climb up. You welcome the steady concrete under your shoes as you venture further onto the roof. Taehyung is already climbing up to the small platform over the entrance to the roof and you sigh out loud. At least the drop is smaller this time. You follow him and an unexpected pair of hands grabs you near the top and pulls you up.

Taehyung doesn’t let go of you, only gathers you closer to his chest and rests his chin on top of your hair as you rest there, immobile and confused. His leather jacket is cold to the touch, but the heartbeat in your ear is warm. You hear a soft hum as he starts humming something stuck in his head by habit. You don’t recognize the song, but that could also be Taehyung’s fault.

“I wonder who came up with the idea of forming stars into constellations?”, he asks no one in particular, leaving the question hanging in the air.

“It’s oddly romantic, don’t you think?”, you mumble to his chest, unable to stop yourself. His laugh rumbles against you and through you. It’s empty and hollow and he hugs you tighter.

“They must have been very lonely”, he speaks quietly into the silence and you hug him back as the words register into your brain.

“Why?”, you wonder, voice higher than usual as you try to look up at him. He doesn’t budge, keeping you close to his chest.

“Only lonely people seek company from the sky”, he mutters and you close your eyes as he resumes his humming. It’s almost enough to lull you to sleep. That and his steady heartbeat that reminds you that he’s there.

That night, he walks you home.