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Taehyung’s not one to sink deep inside himself like this. But sometimes, he feels it welling up inside him, the bubbling of solemness in his chest, a mood that makes him heavy without reason. He can’t help it.
It’s a bit like when he feels more frequently bursts of energy, the need to get up and move, do something or else he would stay pent up with frustration somehow.
As he wanders into the dark hall of their dorm, Taehyung notices the sliver of light coming from under the door. There are slight grunts and background sound effects from Jeongguk’s late night gaming. Yoongi must be at his studio, staying up overnight perfecting his music again. On a normal day, he would join Jeongguk in gaming but it’s not that sort of night. The rest of the dorm is quiet as Taehyung shuffles into his shoes among the mess around their doorway.
It’s an accumulation of sneakers and boots and runners they’ve all collected over the years. Like the years, they’ve built up in numbers, some expensive and new, but some dirtied and ratty yet still kept. It’s a mess of all the members’ pairs of shoes mixed together. Taehyung muses that maybe they should hold another clean up day.
The air outside comes rushing at his face too soon. It’s cold and sends a shiver running through his body clung with a light sweater against the late night. He starts walking down the street, aimless, but it’s just to walk wherever. No destination is needed.
The moon is wondrous and looks fondly down upon him tonight. Taehyung stares up at the big round shape that looms over him as he heads straight. The sky is clear, no clouds in the expanse of darkness. Under the night lights, it’s not a black but rather a dark blue that spans his vision of above, rather a color that’s deep like peering into the ocean to see if you could spot the ocean floor.
Like this, Taehyung walks and walks and walks.
Eventually, he settles on the swings on a small playground of a park. There’s a certain forever feeling about it. Playgrounds are the castles for their children, sweet and endearing in all their mischievous ways that seem to never do a wrong. They’re a place where all the goodness and innocence of children-- of the world seems to stay still, a forever place.
Here, Taehyung settles. The slight creak of the rusty swing with every push and pull is the only the sound that echos in the night. He leans a cheek against the stinging metal to have a perfect view of the moon leaning down to peer at him.
Slowly and lightly, he hums the tune of a nameless song for the moon.
His throat feels clogged, chest still filled up even though he took a walk and he’s singing for the moon.
Behind him, there’s slight rustling of movement. Taehyung doesn’t need to turn his head to know who it is.
“You’re here?” Taehyung slightly hums, pushing his legs harder to bring the swing higher.
“Have you been waiting long?” the other quips, settling onto the swing by his side.
It's quiet like this. The creaking of the seat next to him being occupied, as if to fill the empty in his soul. Even if it's only a little bit, he feels pleased, like the world had been in a buzzing chaos, but Jimin, his best friend, his soulmate at his side, the world slows to only a quiet hum.
Taehyung finally faces him.
“For you?” the joyful rectangle glows across his face for his friend, “Never.”
Jimin softly huffs but answers in his own cheeky smile.
Taehyung held his gaze for a slow second; they both did. And as the slow tick passed, it was silent, not only the world but in Taehyung’s mind too. They turn back to the moon, now fondly greeting two boys. For this while, they don’t speak. The pair let themselves be soaked up by the expanse of blue surrounding them. There’s something still heavy in him, not like before, not the same kind of heavy.
Rather, Taehyung wonders if it’s possible to miss someone even when they’re by your side.
He exhales in long slow breaths, a bit aching and prickling at the edge of his skin. He wants to float out of this body, lift himself and perhaps this release himself of this feeling too. But he’ll let himself be like this for only a few more moments.
It’s Jimin by his side after all. There’s nothing to fear if he had Jimin through it all.
From the time they met, two boys dreams filled their bodies till they were full, sometimes they lived on it until they starved. And when it wasn’t enough, they made up for it by whispering their hopes to each other, whispers crawled through the night carrying their fears and insecurities on the backs.
Two teenagers growing out of their bodies and into their own minds. With the sleepless nights, Taehyung smiled and laughed more to fill the vacuum of the world that might swallow all six up. Jimin would practice until there were no more hours left in the day, dinners left cold and stomach burning so he could appease the world’s gluttonous appetite.
They fed each other their greed and ambitions and this was how they lived. This is how they survive.
And when the time is right, a bird sings its song, the sky shows its first tints of yellow, streaks of muted sunshine rising in front of them. And with it, the clouds in Taehyung finally cleared and he breathed in the clear, cold air. He could feel his bones, the shiver that ran through him, his face prickling, cheeks burning, and that was how he knew he was alive.
Smiling, Taehyung knocked his swing sideways against Jimin’s. In their giggles and Jimin’s outrageous shouts, Taehyung interlocks his arm around the chain of Jimin’s own rusty swing and pulls them together, a pendulum, until they fall to the center with both their weight.
Naturally their hands gravitate upwards, tips stinging on cold metal, fingers entwine, grasping each other’s softly and that’s when they speak.
Missed you.
I know. Missed you too.
They grin at nothing, no sounds exchanged. Still, they exchange hearts.
The pair don’t count how long the seconds are but eventually they greet the moon goodbye. Its white glow fades into the growing mesh of yellow, then blue. Eventually, it grows so obscure, moon disappearing to fall asleep for another day. They watch how the earth breathes as the world finally wakes up, sun rising high to say hello, and Jimin also rises from the swing.
“Shall we go home?” Jimin asks, looking down at him with his arm outstretched, hand still gently cradling Taehyung’s own. He gives a light squeeze.
Taehyung stands up as well and answers with his own squeeze, “Yeah, let’s go home.”