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"Johan..."
Judai flinched at the sound of his own voice. Now really wasn't the time for this. Asking selfish questions about his own insecurities. But apparently, his mouth had other ideas. He's actually fairly tempted to jump off the side of this boat right then and there but then he remembered.
Oh right. He's the one driving this thing.
"You okay?" In an instant, Johan was by his side. And even though the hand he placed on Judai's shoulder was supposed to be comforting, Judai felt his heart trying to climb out of his throat. "I can drive the boat for a change. You've been at it non stop."
Judai managed to shake his head. Why did Johan have to be so kind? "No. I'm fine. It's nothing. Sorry."
"I wouldn't call running away from dark shadow clones and dueling non stop 'nothing.'" Judai could hear the frown in his voice. "When was the last time you got any sleep?"
'He has a point. You won't be saving anyone at this rate.'
Judai didn't bother hiding his scowl. What was with everyone mothering him all of a sudden? "I'll be fine." he said to both his friend and Yubel, "We need to get to Duel Academy as soon as possible. I can't afford to rest."
He heard a sigh and felt a twinge of something when Johan's fingers slide off his shoulder. He couldn't help but mentally kick himself for a job well done.
'I realize that you're scared, but is this really necessary?'
Although he already knew the answer, he asked anyway.
'What is?'
There's a moment of hesitancy before they reply,
'Pushing them all away. Even this one.'
Judai's grip on the stick shift tightened until his knuckles turned white. He trusted Yubel with his life, but there were times where he wished they didn't know exactly what he was feeling or thinking at any given time. They wanted him to rest. Johan wanted him to rest. For that goal alone they seemed to get along with Johan quite well.
'Of course. It's for your wellbeing.'
It's bit twisted, Judai couldn't help but think, how in order to ward off two people's concerns he had to discuss something he really didn't want to discuss in the first place. Or maybe that was Yubel's intention from the start.
"Johan?"
It didn't matter now, though.
"Are you taking up my offer?" Damn him. There's a hint of that lopsided smile in his voice.
"No. Uhm. I just." Judai chewed on his bottom lip. How would he even ask? How should he?
"Is this about Yubel and the whole soul fusing thing?"
Judai turned his head so quickly he nearly gave himself whiplash. Although, in hindsight, he should have figured by now. This was Johan.
"What? Did you think I wouldn't see you as Judai anymore?" Johan's lips quirked up at the corners.
Judai turned his gaze back to the water. He wouldn't be helping anyone if he got them lost now. Also, he didn't think he was capable of looking Johan in the eye right now. "Kind of. I mean... I'm not exactly the same anymore."
"And what's wrong with that?"
Damn this person. It was like he knew exactly what to say, the things that made Judai feel less... insecure about himself.
"I mean, the Judai before and the Judai you are now, they're the same person when it all comes down to it. You're not any less of my best friend than you were before. I thought I made my feelings on the matter perfectly clear. Heh. Although... I gotta say, I don't particularly appreciate having my body taken from me."
With a jolt, Judai realized that Johan was now addressing Yubel. He knew that Yubel knew because they were unusually still.
"I mean I get that you were hit by the Light of Ruin stuff, so I can forgive that. But what I can't get over is that you hurt my family. You didn't have to put them through all that. My feelings had nothing to do with them."
Of course. Of course their sins wouldn't be completely forgiven. They didn't deserve that right. Judai squeezed his eyes shut for a moment and was about to apologize, but Yubel beated him to the punch. To his surprise, they even materialized.
'I apologize for my actions. Truly I do. However-'
"'I won't apologize for loving him.'" Johan interrupts. To Judai, he didn't sound mad, it was more like he was stating that he loved dueling or that the sky was blue. Judai wasn't sure how he felt about that. "I don't blame you for that either. Don't worry about it. It's just..."
Judai sucked in a breath while Johan let out his own.
"Why don't we start over?"
Judai's heart stuttered.
'What?'
"I mean, I can't speak for the Gem Beasts, exactly. They still don't trust you, but. Well, you and me? We didn't exactly get off on the right foot, but we're all in a..." Judai could easily imagine Johan biting on his bottom lip as he tried to figure out what to say next. "Relatively better place right now, so. Uhm, yeah."
‘...Okay.’
Judai has to slow the boat down to speed where he could scrub at his eyes with his arm. This wasn't real. Johan wasn't real. There was no way.
In the back of his mind, he heard them. Their voice was quiet, subdued even.
'I... I understand now why this boy means so much to you.'