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They say that sleeping next to the person you love reduces stress and depression, and helps you fall asleep easier. What a load of bullshit that is.
How many nights have I laid awake at night like this, tossing and turning, desperately trying to find a comfortable spot to fall asleep in? Who gives a fuck? It’s not as if I get any more peace when I’m sleeping than when I’m awake. Quite the opposite actually, when I’m awake I don’t have to be afraid of seeing that in front of me. I don’t ever want to see that again, no person should have to experience it: the feeling of your heart beating so fast you lose the ability to breathe only for it to break into a thousand pieces.
He thought I wouldn’t find out, that he would be able to keep it a secret from me. Oh, how wrong and naïve he was. I know everything, especially when it comes to the things I consider to be my properties.
I turn around to look at him, just marvelling at how beautiful he was. In the light of the moon, it was impossible to see him as anything but an angel. Only I knew his true nature, and the suffering that came along with loving him.
Where did things get wrong, I wonder. He told me he belonged to me, right after I made him mine. So why did he still sneak off with that American brat behind my back? The ‘why:s’ consumed me to the point that I often times found myself with my hands around his long and fragile neck, ready to squeeze the life out of him. That way, no one else would ever be able to take him away from me. Unfortunately, it meant he wouldn’t be mine either.
“What do I have to do?” I whisper, careful not to wake him up, “If there is a way to get your full attention, please tell me.”
I wasn’t kidding when I said that if that American brat wants to have him, he’ll have to fight me first. I’ll fight him. I’ll fight anyone who wants to take Arthur away from me. Is that what he wants me to do? Fight them all to prove my love for him once and for all? Because I will do it. I’ll kill them, if that’s what he wants. All he has to do is say so, and I’ll do it. I’m willing to go through hell and back, if it means gaining his love.
“I hate you,” I whisper out through gritted teeth, “I hate that I love you this much, yet you won’t give me your love in return.”
“I wish I could just snap that pretty neck of yours off, and end everything between us right here and right now.”
I pull him into a possessive embrace, inhaling his scent and just marvelling at how well he fitted in my arms.
“You are mine, and I’ll be damned if I let that American take you away from me.”
With these thoughts in my mind and Arthur in my arms, I finally managed to fall asleep.