Chapter Text
July 19th:
The sun beat down, the cheery weather a stark contrast to the way his heart clenched. A bead of sweat dripped down his brow, amongst other places. Bucky tugged at his tie, finding nothing he did made it any more comfortable or his suit any less itchy. He closed his eyes for a second, putting a hand over his abdomen like his therapist had taught him. Inhale, exhale- he focused on the way his body expanded with his breath, until the jitters stopped and he managed to relax the frown that seemed to be permanently plastered on his face.
Sighing, he raised his hand to knock. But the door opened just as he reached for it.
“Hey Buck.” Steve greeted his friend, letting Bucky clap him on the back in greeting. Both his hands were in his pocket, and despite the small smile plastered on his face, his eyes were red.
“Ready? I brought the daisies.”
No words were exchanged during the car ride. A sullen silence hung thick in the air, only broken by the hum of the engine.
It was empty at the cemetery. Gripping the bouquet, Steve exited the car first.
“Hi Peggy. I can’t believe it’s been a year. You wouldn’t believe the shit that’s happened. No, you probably would. And you would think I’m an idiot for it. You’ve definitely seen crazier, being the founder of S.H.I.E.L.D. and all.” Steve’s voice started to crack, and he felt Bucky pat his arm reassuringly.
“I think about you a lot,” He continued. “I miss you. I get asked-they even made me film videos telling schoolchildren ‘what would Cap do’… when it’s really always been ‘what would Peggy do.’ I think about how different the past few years would have been if you were here. I’m trying my best, I really am. So thank you. For teaching me, believing in me… for telling me, all those years ago that I was meant for more than this.”
It was quite awhile before he composed himself, laying down the bouquet on her grave, next to the other adornments.
Cards, small picture frames, a huge pot filled with the lushest, flashiest flowers he’d ever seen…
“Tony,” Steve muttered, chuckling under his breath.
Bucky quirked an eyebrow, and Steve pointed at the pot, running his other hand down his beard.
“Oh- sorry. You can’t see it, but those flowers are Tony’s. He created a new species of flower, to get those colors. Named it after her too.”
Bucky turned to stare at them, but aside from their size they were the same grey color to his eyes as the rest of the flowers.
“Always showing me up,” Steve smiled. “Sometimes I forget, before I came back into either of their lives she had already been his godmother for his entire life…”
—-
Sharon, Natasha, and Tony joined them for dinner. Once he was confident Steve wouldn’t be alone, Bucky took the first opportunity he could to retreat to his room.
He loved them. They were the closest thing he had to family. But today had been even more emotionally exhausting than usual, and he sorely needed a chance to be alone.
Lying back that night, recovering from the flood of emotions and memories that had resurfaced that day, he couldn’t help but be grateful that of all the cruel tricks the universe had played on him… he was lucky enough to have never met his soulmate.