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It is the right thing to do.
“When you are going to stop fooling yourself?!”
He could feel the taste of the acid in all of the words, as he felt his heart break in pieces and his stomach turn around.
It was a first.
After all these months, as roommates, it was the first time he saw Hoseok so angry. The usual spark in his eyes was gone and it was empty; he never felt so distant as right now—even though, he was right in front of him.
But...
...It is the right thing to do, no doubt.
Maybe… maybe, Hobi was right and he was in love with him. But, of all people, he should understand that all of this was not right. He didn’t want him to misunderstanding things, like he probably was right now. He didn’t wanna lose him, But… what they were feeling was not right.
“Hoseok, listen to me-”
“No, hyung, you listen.” He interrupted – forgetting it was a hyung he was talking to. But nothing of that really mattered right now. “I really like you, you know? I wanna be with you. For real. I know you feel the same. I see the way you look at me and I know, ’cause I feel the same, but… I can’t keep hiding it. I sure can’t deal with you afraid of us all the time; and I can’t wait forever...” He could hear the trembling tone in his voice. “…I don’t want to.”
The last words were like a whisper – like he was trying so hard to not articulate theses words, because he knew: once he did, there was no point to return to; however, he had to do. Things couldn’t be in the way it was. Although, he couldn't look in the eyes of the guy standing in front of him, Yoongi also noticed he was trying so hard to hold the tears- and somehow, he hated himself for making hoseok like that.
He really wanted to say he liked him, that he also want to be with him… Actually, there was so many things he want to say, but the words just wouldn’t come out. It just wouldn’t. He couldn’t say it.
He knew he sound like a coward, but…
It was for their own good. They were both guys for god’s sake; two guys! They shouldn’t be together. People would never accept them; They probably lose their jobs, be rejected by their family, their friends; He didn’t want to suffer. He didn’t wanna see him suffering. It was the right thing for sure.
“Hyung… please, say something.” The pledge whispered—a rather desesperated one—ecooed in the silent room. “Anything, please.”
I like you. Stay. Why? Why it was so hard to say these words? The blonde knew if he didn’t say anything right now he would lose hoseok for real. He didn’t want it. That hollow feeling was growing inside him with each second – it was like a torture – and he was afraid. He wished he could let his real feeling out, but it was so confusing. He felt like he was chocking on his own emotions. It was suffocating.
The tears was starting to swell up in his own eyes, so he diverted his face from the intense stare of the other.
He couldn’t face the brunette. He had no right as the coward he was.
The silence installed once more in the room and it was broke just by their breathing, the strong wind coming from the front door—that was fully open—and the sound of the strong rain falling outside. It all fit so well that It looked just like their sad background song.
Yoongi watched the rain knocking against the window; somewhat it looked gray. Everything looked so gray. The emptyness washed over him and he felt like drowning.
The younger just waited.
His eyes glaring the pale boy, waiting. He was grasping on the little hope he still had with all his mighty, because he didn’t want to give up just yet. He just need him to say something assuring that he could hold on to. To be sure they were going somewhere – he need that. Anything.
“I… I am sorry.”
Relationships were just like bridges, he heard once. To provide the functional purpose of the bridge, all of its parts are equally important. Without one bit, it could collapse. That’s why there were some bridges you just should burn, so it wouldn’t collapse and that way people wouldn’t be hurt.
Hoseok grabbed his bag on the floor and went -slowly- toward the door. He didn’t look angry anymore. His eyes were filled with disappointment, sadness and tears.
“Me too, Hyung.” His voice was low, but clear, and it sounded so disappointed that made the older look in his eyes for the first time that night.
Hoseok looked at yoongi one last time, trying to hold on all the memories of the last three months they spent together, but he knew he couldn’t stay there anymore, so… he left.
Yoongi lost the only person that made he feel alive – for a long time – and he didn’t do anything to stop.
The tears started streaming down in an uncontrollable way. All their moments together looked just like a blurry.
He hurt him. Because he was a coward, he hurt him. Yet, he just couldn’t.
It was over.
He let him down.
He just watched. He didn’t do anything to stop and Just watched. Because he knew, he couldn’t never be the one Hoseok was expecting him to be. So he just watched and let him go.
It was like he had taken with him all of the oxygen of his lungs and soon the emptiness was replaced by a strong pain in his chest;
He lost Hoseok for real.
If it really was the right thing to do, why he felt so wrong?