Chapter Text
It has been a month, and Soonyoung is anything but okay.
Yes, he does seem happy, his smile, no matter how fake they were, looked so bright in the eyes of those who doesn't know him. His laughter, the way he snorts, the way he talks-- it's all not the same anymore.
He'd space out more often than not, he barely touches any food from their cafeteria. The memory of losing his lover and betrayal from his friends repeated in his head, hunting him every day and night.
The whole school seemed to have gotten over it already, but for Soonyoung, moving on is easier said than done.
He'd go to school, visiting the same music room everyday without miss. He'd go to the pile of compositions written by his boyfriend, Lee Jihoon. His lips curl upwards at the thought, 'Boyfriend's got a really nice ring to it, Hoonie.'
He'd walk towards the piano, touching the black and white keys ever so gently. He closes his eyes, imagining the time when Jihoon insisted he learned to play the instrument from himself. He always tried to play, but upon playing the first note, he couldn't help but cry already.
He smiles. But who was he fooling? The bitter taste that lingered in his mouth is more than enough to remind himself that he was not okay. He puts a bouquet of the roses that Jihoon loved on top of the seat and decides that he should get going now.
Soonyoung opens his eyes, the argument on the day of Jihoon's death replayed even in his dreams. He hugs his knees and lets his tears fall down.
It was already six in the morning and he had stopped crying by now. He was about to pick up his phone and leave for school when the old-fashioned telephone in his room starts to ring. He picks it up, but no one spoke on the other line. He puts down the phone and was about to leave when he sees a white calling card with golden font.
The line for reaching to the beloved ones.
22-321-11
He flips the card and sees a note, Call can reach from the other side of the world to the afterlife. What are you waiting for? Make the call and talk to your loved one now!
Ps. This is for a one time use only. Spend this call wisely.
Soonyoung smiles, thinking who ever decided to do this prank. He just shrugs his shoulders and puts the calling card in the pockets of his blazer.
That night, when the pain of his lover's loss had come to its peak, he reaches for the card and starts dialling the numbers on their telephone. He knew it was impossible, the instructions were too vague, how can he be sure that it'd call whoever he wants to call?
He knew it was impossible, but maybe he just wanted to have someone to talk to.
He waits, and after five rings, someone picked up the call.
"Hello?"
"..." Soonyoung was speechless, unable to grasp the fact that it was his lover's voice heard on the other line.
"Hello? If you have nothing to say, I'm hanging up-" but Jihoon's sentence was cut by a familiar voice.
"I miss you."
"S-Soonyoung? How?"
"I- I don't know, I just saw this piece of paper. It said I had one chance and I could call anyone in the afterlife after I dialled these numbers and I didn't want to believe it but I was just... desperate. I want to hear your voice, Hoonie." Soonyoung tried his best to hold back his sobs.
"Hey hey, don't cry. If you don't stop crying, I'm hanging up." Jihoon said in a forced playful tone, his voice breaking in between his sentence.
"I'm sorry, Hoonie." Soonyoung says in his sincerest voice. It was all that is needed for the tears to fall. Soonyoung continues.
"I-I shouldn't have argued with you, I shouldn't have left you that day. If I stayed then maybe, maybe..." Soonyoung couldn't bring himself to finish his sentence. He covers his mouth with his hands to control his sobs.
"Baby, it's not your fault. Both of us didn't know what would happen, we both know it's not your fault." Jihoon says, he tries his best to not let his voice crack.
"No, Hoonie, if I didn't argue with you, I would've been with you, I... It's all my fault." and he bit his lower lip so hard that blood started to ooze from a fresh wound, but all Jihoon could hear is the sound of his lover's sobs and the sound of their hearts breaking in unison.
"Hey big guy. Listen to me," Jihoon says in an attempt to calm Soonyoung. "Soonyoung, it's not your fault." Jihoon sighs.
"It's just that my time is up, Soonie. It's not your fault."
"But if I knew that would happen, I'd stick to you and I should've told you how much I love you and I shouldn't have let you stay in that music room and..."
"Hey, it's alright. It's not your fault. Stop blaming yourself, okay?"
"I can't help it, Hoonie. I should've noticed their odd behaviors, I shouldn't have argued with you. I can't help but think that this is partially my fault. If I was there, maybe I could've sent you to the hospital right away, or... Or..." and the man continued sobbing.
For the first time since he died, it was the first time that Jihoon wanted to be alive this bad. Yes, he wanted to be alive before, but he never wanted it this much. He wanted to live, he wanted to hug his love, to kiss the pain away. He wanted to run his hands through Soonyoung's soft hair, to whisper comforting words, to make him feel how much he loves him. He wanted it so bad, but it's just impossible. He just can't do it anymore.
"Hey, Jihoon."
Jihoon hums in response.
"Graduation's just aroung the corner, you know?"
Jihoon nods even though he knew Soonyoung won't see it. "Yeah, I know."
Soonyoung fiddled with the telephone wire, curling it around his finger only to uncurl it once again. "You remember our dream uni? The one overseas? They sent the official list of passers to the principal."
Jihoon smiles. "So, how was it?"
Soonyoung stopped from playing with the wire and bites his lower lip. "So, Joshua and Hansol got accepted, and..."
"And?" Jihoon says, expectation arising from his voice.
"And we both got full scholarship, baby. Inclusive of food, board and lodging."
Soonyoung says, his eyes starts tearing up again.
"No way." Jihoon says. He expected that his boyfriend would get in, but he didn't expect both of them to get full scholarship.
"Yeah, I know. I couldn't believe it at first, too. They sent in a letter for us, saying they saw talent and potential and that we'd work good together too. I gave your acceptance letter to your mom, she looked so happy."
"Oh my, this is huge, Soonyoung! I knew you can do it!" Jihoon says, happiness evident in his voice.
"It is huge, but, I don't know if I want to do it anymore." Soonyoung says as he forced a smile.
"Why? Is there something wrong?" Jihoon asks, a hint of worry in his voice.
Soonyoung sighs. "It's just that, I know it's our dream school and heck, we got full scholarship and all, but I don't know if I can do it alone."
When Soonyoung heard nothing on the other line, he continues. "It's a foreign country, Hoonie. And it was a school that we searched for over a hundred times already. It's beautiful, and this chance is once in a lifetime, but I don't think I can do it without you."
And Soonyoung starts crying once more. He wipes away his tears and sobbed.
"Hey, don't cry. You should grab the chance, Soonie, it's your dream!"
Soonyoung held back his sob, his sniffing heard by Jihoon in the process. "Hoonie, it wasn't just my dream, it was our dream. I can't do it all by myself."
"Hey, you're never alone, baby, I'll always be in your heart, right?"
A sudden wave of realization hits Soonyoung. Jihoon was right, he was never alone. In the music room, in the class, in every song Jihoon had made for him. Jihoon may not be physically there, but their memories, the love they shared together, it will always be in his heart. Jihoon was, and will always be, in his heart.
When both had stopped crying, Soonyoung speaks once again.
"Hoonie, do you regret loving me?"
Jihoon smiles. "My only regret before coming here is not being able to show the world how much I love you, Soonyoung."
Jihoon thought of it every time, how wonderful it would've been if he wasn't afraid of how the people would react if he shouted how much he loves Soonyoung, how happy they would've been. Soonyoung was bright, blindingly so, and had a heart as beautiful as his lovely face. At times, he would ask himself how he came to meet this guy, how the guy came to love him. Even in the afterlife, he thought that Soonyoung deserved the best, and the best was not him.
He hears Soonyoung clear his throat, Jihoon closed his eyes and tried to imagine what Soonyoung looks like right now.
"Hoonie, I miss you so much."
"And I, you."
Soonyoung brings his hand to wipe away his tears and smiles.
"I love you, Jihoon. It might take some time, but please do wait for me, okay?"
"Take your time, babe. Please fulfill our dreams for me."
"Will do, baby. You should rest now, my love."
"I love you, Soonyoung."
"I love you too, Jihoon. I wish I don't have to end this call."
"Don't be silly, you still have a university to attend to!"
"You're right. I should get my self together now. Haha."
"Yeah. Go get that degree and the life you wanted, Soonie."
"I will."
"..."
"..."
"Soonyoung?"
"Yeah?"
"Uhm... If you ever fall in love with someone else, don't stop yourself, okay?"
"Stop talking like that, Hoonie."
"Don't get me wrong, I just don't want you growing old alone. I want someone to take care of you in my place."
"I'm never alone, Hoonie. You're always in my heart, right?"
"Hmm... Take care of yourself, okay?"
"I will, babe."
"..."
"..."
"So, see you soon?"
"Yeah, see you soon."
And Soonyoung's ears were filled with the sound of beeping.
He puts the phone down and smiles. He then wore a clean pair of jogging pants and went outside. He heads to the park and sits there as he watched the sunrise.
It has been a month since Jihoon had left this world, and for the first time in that one month, Soonyoung was genuinely happy.