Chapter Text
Scorpius awoke with a scream, his breath heavy and sheets sweaty, his duvet wrapped around him feeling like it was squeezing him, suffocating him. He felt the tears rolling down his cheeks and let out a pained sob, throwing the covers off and pulling his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around his legs and resting his head on his knees. He tried to take in deep breaths and repeated ‘You’re safe, you’re safe’ over and over in his head.
He heard his door creak as it started to be pushed open, and he immediately scrambled backwards, reaching for his wand which he had placed under his pillow before he had collapsed into a fitful sleep that night. He stood up quickly at the side of his bed and pointed it at the door, preparing to fight. Could Delphi have escaped already? Was she coming for him again?
He felt the breath leave his lungs in relief when the door swung open to reveal only his dad, standing there in the doorway with his pyjamas on and hair down from its ponytail, a look which Scorpius had not seen in a long time.
Scorpius unclenched his hand from around his wand and watched as it clattered to the floor. He fell to his knees and let out a sob.
“Scorpius…” he heard his dad say, and only a second later felt his strong arms wrap around him, pulling him off of the floor and onto the bed.
They had never hugged before, not until that night in Godric’s Hollow, but now Scorpius clung to his dad, and his dad enveloped him in return. They sat there, rocking back and forwards as Scorpius cried out all his tears and his heart began to beat at a normal pace again.
“I’m sorry," Scorpius whispered once he had calmed down enough to talk. He looked up at his dad and saw tears glimmering in his own eyes, which made him feel even worse.
“No! Scorpius, you never need to apologise okay? Never,” Draco said, reaching out to place his hands on his son’s shoulders, looking him in the eye and trying to make sure he understood.
Scorpius just let out a shaky breath, and looked away. It broke Draco’s heart, to see his son like this. He watched as he pulled away, scrambling back under the covers as if he was going to go back to sleep. Draco thought of all the nightmares he had suffered in his childhood, and how his father never made an effort to comfort him, not even once. He had never even come into the room to check he was okay. When Draco had heard Scorpius’s scream his mind had instantly been thrown to what could have been attacking him, and he had rushed through immediately. This though, the things that were giving him nightmares, there was nothing he could do to protect his son from that.
“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked quietly.
“I don’t know if I can Dad…” Scorpius replied, and Draco wished he could do more than just sit and watch as his son broke down in front of his eyes.
“At least not to me, then to Albus. You can’t lock this in and carry it on your own. When I was your age I had nobody. You have him, and that’s a wonderful thing. I don’t know all of what you went through Scorpius but he was there, I’m sure that he would understand.”
Scorpius just shook his head but then shuffled up so he was sitting against his headboard, looking up at his dad.
“No. He wouldn’t understand this. But maybe… maybe you will," he whispered.
“I can’t stop thinking about that world. The one where Harry was dead and Albus didn’t exist and Voldemort ruled. Dad… what I was like there - I tortured muggle-borns for fun, I was feared and powerful and I was a king. I was a bad person. We were bad people. We carried on the legacy of Dark Malfoys, in fact we made it even darker. I can’t… Dad I’m scared. I have that darkness in me, I have that capability of becoming what I saw there, the Scorpion King.”
“No, Scorpius. That was not you,” Draco said with so much conviction in his voice that Scorpius could feel himself wanting to believe him. “That was an alternate reality where things were completely different.”
“It was still me though,” he muttered back, thinking of all the things he had seen, of all the things he had done. It was wrong. So so wrong. And he felt chills travel all through his body as he pictured himself, using the curse that Delphi had used on him, knowing what it would feel like to those people. He felt sick even just thinking of it, and knew that the tears had started rolling down his face again.
He let out a quick and surprised breath as Draco reached for him and pulled him back into his arms. Scorpius rested his head on his dad’s chest and let him wrap his arms around his shoulders.
“You are far too kind and far too good to ever become that person Scorpius, not in this world. We don’t know what happened there for you to turn out like that, but I promise you, I promise, that there is no way that darkness could overcome you here. You are a light, you are my light. You bring so much happiness and kindness wherever you go. As long as you don’t let your pain and loneliness consume you then you will come out from this challenge only stronger. You have Albus. And you have me. I know I have not been the best father, that after your mother passed I haven’t been here the way I should’ve been. But you are good. And I want to try and be a better father to you.”
“Dad…” Scorpius choked out, but he was cut off before he could say anymore.
“I don’t talk about my time as a Death Eater.” This made Scorpius’s breath stop for a moment because his dad had never, ever, mentioned this to him before. Once, when he had been younger, he had caught sight of the scar from the dark mark on his arm and had been screamed at to get out of the room, which he had ran from crying into his mother’s arms. All he knew about his dad during the war was what he had read in the history books, and what people used to insult him at school.
“I don’t talk about it with anyone, I rarely even spoke to your mother about it. That point in my life, I was just so alone. I had nobody. I was scared of my father, terrified of what Voldemort could do to me, and I did what I was ordered to do. Maybe it was like that with you. You haven’t said much about what I was like in that world, but from what I can tell I was probably more like my own father than I would ever like to be. And if you didn’t have me and you didn’t have your mum and you didn’t have Albus, and if you were brought up where I instilled in you what my father instilled in me… then you would’ve become a completely different person. It was a completely different person Scorpius, it was not you.”
“I don’t think I am as good as everyone thinks I am. For a second, when I had realised that we had changed things, and I thought that mum might still have been alive… Even though we had made Rose and Hugo disappear I think I wouldn’t have done anything to change it back. Not if it meant going to a world without her again,” Scorpius said, feeling the guilt start to manifest more in his chest, eating away at him as he thought of what could’ve happened if things had been different.
“But that didn’t happen. And even though you thought it I don’t think you would’ve done it. You would’ve put things right in the end, I know you would have," said Draco.
Scorpius didn’t have anything to say to that. So he just decided to ask the other question that had been circling his mind.
“Dad… do you think – will this get any easier?”
He needed to know if he would feel like this forever – so broken and disgusted in himself, and so guilty.
“If you talk about it, if you try and come to terms with what happened and what you’re feeling then yes, it will get better. But if you keep everything trapped inside of you then it will just get infinitely worse.”
Scorpius couldn’t help but wonder what it had been like for his dad, who had no-one after the war. He could understand how he had defied grandfather for his mum, if she had been the one to bring him out of his despair. Thinking of his mum took Scorpius back, back to the forest when the dementors were closing in on him, when he felt nothing but fear and cold.
“I don’t – I didn’t tell you that I heard Mum's voice when I was with the dementors. She was asking me to help her… but she knew I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t save her. Why couldn’t we save her?” he cried, knowing the answer but not being comforted by it.
“There was nothing we could have done. It’s not fair Scorpius, I know. She made this world a better place and she made me a better man. But there is no point in thinking that way. She’s gone, but she loved us. Did you know that before I met her I couldn’t cast the patronus? I didn’t have one happy thought strong enough to use, and I didn’t think I ever would. But then she came into my life, and then we had you, and that was when I found out what true happiness felt like.”
“Will you teach me?” Scorpius asked, suddenly very anxious to have the skill to cast a patronus.
“There’s no reason to fear dementors here," his dad said.
“I know but it would just – it would make me feel better. Safer,” Scorpius replied, hoping that he would understand.
“Then yes, of course,” Draco promised, making Scorpius feel slightly lighter.
They sat in silence for a while. They had moved so they were sitting side by side on the edge of the bed, legs dangling off the side. Scorpius knew that he hadn’t even mentioned the thing that was bothering him the most. The thing that he saw every time he closed his eyes. The thing that constricted his heart and conjured tears in his eyes.
“I see Craig as well. In my nightmares. I see him as the green light hits him, as he falls slowly to the ground. He is dead because of us, because of me. I don’t know how I can live with that guilt,” he whispered, feeling as if he said it any louder it would make it worse.
“I know you won’t believe me now Scorpius but his death is not on you. The only person responsible for him dying is Delphi.”
Scorpius gave a feeble nod, but there was nothing his dad could say that could stop him feeling the unbearable guilt and sorrow.
“It is never easy, to watch someone die. And thinking that there was something more or something different you could’ve done to save them makes it so much worse. It is not your fault, but I think this is something you need to talk to Albus about. And Harry. As much as it pains me to admit, Harry knows what it’s like, with Cedric – I’m sure he would talk to you about it.”
Scorpius appreciated his dad’s attempts, and appreciated even more the advice to go to Harry who had been through what he had and who would understand better.
“You’re telling me to talk to Harry Potter? Wow, things have changed since I was gone.”
Draco let out a shuddery breath, and for the first time Scorpius imagined what it would’ve been like for him.
“Yes Scorpius, things have changed. When we knew she had you hidden in time, and that there was no way we could hope to find you… We both thought we had lost our sons forever. And there are some events that you can’t go through without coming to an understanding with another person,” Draco explained. Scorpius reached out and grabbed his dad’s hand, and he felt him relax slightly next to him.
“I’m sorry we did that to you Dad,” he apologised.
“It’s not your fault.”
Scorpius had heard that said to him so many times that night since they had travelled back and explained everything. But he hadn’t believed it the first time and he didn’t believe it now.
“We should never have trusted her in the first place," he pointed out.
“No-one blames you.”
“Well I do, I blame me,” Scorpius said, his voice cracking.
“Oh Scorpius…”
Draco was heartbroken, knowing that whatever he said would not make any difference. Not when it was all so raw in Scorpius’s mind. All he could do was be there for him, the way he wished his father had been when he was a child.
“I love you, you know that right? I know I don’t say it enough and that maybe I haven’t shown it well enough, but I love you. You are everything to me. And I’m going to be with you, whatever you need, as you start healing from this," he said, running his hand slowly through Scorpius’s hair like he used to do when he was a young boy.
“I love you too Dad. When I thought I was going to die, the one thing I had wished for is that I could’ve told you I loved you. That you were a great dad, and that I loved you.”
“Scorpius…”
“Can we – can we not talk anymore about this tonight, please. I just… I just need to sleep," he said, suddenly feeling a wave of emotion and exhaustion crash over him.
“Of course, of course,” Draco replied, standing up from the bed and helping Scorpius get back under the covers.
“Thank you," Scorpius whispered, his eyes closed and hands clenched tightly on the edge of the duvet.
He knew that as soon as he fell asleep he would be thrown back into his nightmares, but he felt so drained that he didn’t even care.
“I can get you a sleeping draught, if you would like?” he heard his dad say. He considered it.
“No, I don’t think I should. I’ve read about some instances where they only make the dreams more vivid and impossible to escape from.”
“Of course you would have read about it,” Draco said fondly.
“Would you like anything else?” he asked.
“Could you maybe – would you – would you stay?” Scorpius asked quietly. “Just until I fall asleep,” he quickly added.
“Yes, of course!” Draco exclaimed, immediately summoning the armchair that was in the corner of the room to the side of the bed.
“Thanks Dad," Scorpius replied sleepily as Draco settled himself into the chair. He knew that there was no way he would be leaving it tonight, even when Scorpius had fallen asleep.
This time yesterday he had been so overcome with the fear of never getting to see his son again. But now he had him back. He may be broken and scarred, and no longer the boy who had left for the Hogwarts Express only a couple of months ago. But he was alive. In pieces, but alive. And Draco was going to do everything he possibly could to help him. And well, his son had asked him to stay. So stay he would.