Chapter Text
Pathos — A quality that evokes pity or sadness.
As soon as she opens the door, Alana is bombarded by little paws and noses reaching for her. She reaches down to pet the dogs in front of her, a melodic laugh escaping her. She looks up and her eyes are met with Will’s. He looks like he’s trying to smile and in return, she smiles back.
“Sorry about them,” Will says, gesturing to the furry crowd at Alana’s feet.
“Oh, they’re fine,” Alana laughs, scratching behind Winston’s ears. She straightens up and really looks at Will. “How are you feeling?”
Will laughs but no sound comes out. “I’m fine.” Buster goes over to him and nuzzles his head against Will’s leg. Alana notices this is the most comforted Will has looked in a while.
Alana tries to catch his eye but he refuses to look any higher than the space between her lips and nose. “We had an agreement that we’d be honest with each other, didn’t we?”
Will looks guilty. “I’m sorry, I—”
Alana looks away from him. She feels guilty. “No, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t… I’m just worried about you.”
“Worried?” Will asks, even though it’s obvious. Of course she’s worried.
“I just want to know that you’re okay. Because it doesn’t seem like you’re okay.”
“I’m losing track of time more and more,” he admits. “It’s scaring me.”
Alana looks at the floor for a few seconds, then back up at Will. She knows it’s not her fault but she feels awful. “When was the last time?”
“This morning. I went out for a walk and before I knew it, I was in my car on the way out of Virginia.”
“I’m sorry,” is the only thing Alana can think of saying. “I’m so sorry, Will.”
Will tries to smile and the next thing he knows, he’s being pulled into a hug. He buries his face into her neck and holds her as tightly as he can. He can feel Alana’s hand soothingly rubbing his back.
“Thank you,” Will whispers. He’s scared that if he talks too loudly, he’ll burst this little safe haven that they’ve created.
“It’ll be okay,” Alana says, matching his volume. “I know it’s not okay now and it may not be for a while, but it will be okay in the end.”
“It often feels like you’re the only one who’s trying to help me.”
Alana frowns even though Will can’t see it. “What about Hannibal?”
“Hannibal is my psychiatrist. He has to try to help me. You’re different, you don’t have to do anything. Why?”
“I care about you, Will. It destroys me to see you…” Alana trails off. She doesn’t know how to finish the sentence.
Will gives a bitter laugh. “So unavailing?”
Alana pulls away from Will sharply. “You’re not unavailing. You’re saving people, Will. You’re doing more than anyone else.”
“It certainly doesn’t feel that way, sometimes.”
“Why don’t you stop, Will? Or at least take a break. It’s clear that this… isn’t good for you.”
“I can’t. You know that.”
Alana sighs. She has tears in her eyes and she knows that he can see them. “I’m sorry. It’s just hard for me to know that you’re not okay and not be able to do anything about it. I know it’s selfish of me, but I—”
Alana silences herself as she leans forward and presses her lips to Will’s.
Will kisses her back. All thoughts of a romantic relationship with Will being a bad idea leaves Alana’s mind. She holds onto Will and feels his hands rest on her back. They both need the closeness, the security of having each other. They pull away for air, neither of them wanting to be apart. They hold each other, not moving, their eyes saying more than they’ve ever been able to by speech.
“Alana.” Will stares at her like he wants to say something else. She thinks that he just doesn’t know what.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have… We agreed not to do this. I’m only sending you mixed signals. I’m sorry.”
“Alana.” Will takes a step back, removing his hands from Alana. He looks scared.
Will is refusing to meet her eyes again. Alana completely closes hers, collecting herself as she thinks of how to get across. When she opens her eyes, she says with a laugh, “I feel very vulnerable right now.”
Will cracks a smile. “You don’t have to do what you’re doing. I know you feel like you have to but you don’t.”
“You said you feel like there’s no one else who is helping you. You’re not alone. As long as I’m alive, you will never be alone. I know I’m not perfect but I have to try.”
Will rubs at his eyes. “Thank you, Alana.”
“Are you tired?” Alana asks. Will looks at her in surprise. “You said you lost track of time early this morning. You mustn't have slept well, then.”
“Yeah,” Will says with a reluctant nod. “You’re right.”
“Why don’t you take a nap?” Alana asks.
“What?”
“Take a nap,” Alana repeats. “I’ll make you tea for when you wake up.”
“Alana—”
“It’s fine, Will. You need the rest and it’s no inconvenience on my end.”
Will looks at her before finally nodding. “Thank you.”
Alana waits until Will is gone before she begins to start making the tea. She’s certain that he won’t sleep for too long so there’s no risk of the tea going too cold before he wakes up. She’s glad that she has something to do, she knows that the moment she’s done she’s going to break down.
Alana gets to work with the tea and makes it as best she can with her shaking hands. It’s still finished fairly quickly and she pours it into two cups — one for Will and one for her. She places them onto the table and goes to sit down.
Alana had been right. The moment she’s seated, she bursts into tears. She can see a blurry dog come up to her to comfort her and she tries to smile at it as best she can. Alana lets herself cry. She cries until the tears slow down. By then, her eyes are red and shiny. She subconsciously pets Winston, the feeling of his fur beneath her fingertips calming her.
She hears Will’s footsteps as he approaches. She quickly wipes at her eyes and stands up.
Will’s face falls when he sees her. Alana can tell that he can tell that she’s been crying. Will thankfully doesn’t say anything about it.
“I made the tea,” Alana says, offering a small smile that she hopes is reassuring. She goes and gets the two cups and then hands one to Will.
“Thank you, Alana,” Will says. He clears his throat. “This means a lot to me.”
“It’s no problem,” Alana says.
Will puts his cup down to pull Alana into an embrace.