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“I’m bored.”
Rose and the Doctor looked up from their books. It had been unusually quiet in the TARDIS for a couple of days; especially unusual since Jack Harkness was on board.
“Oh now, we can’t have that,” Rose said with a grin.
“Come on Doc, take us somewhere.”
The Doctor sighed. “Jack, you know very well I can’t land the TARDIS till she’s finished repairing.”
“So, let’s liven this place up a bit.” Jack pulled Great Expectations out of the Doctor’s hands and Bridget Jones’ Diary from Rose’s.
“Jack! Give it back!” Rose made a grab, but Jack swatted her hand away with the paperback.
“Nope. Come on, let’s do something together, a game or something. I need to stretch my legs.”
The Doctor sighed and folded his arms, focusing one of his piercing blue gazes on the other man. “Cards?”
“Open your big ears, Doctor, I said stretch my legs. How about ...” A childish grin crept onto Jack’s face. “Hide and seek?”
The Doctor stiffened. “What? No.”
“I vote hide and seek!” Rose waved her hand in the air as if she was at school.
“No, not hide and seek. Anything but hide and seek.”
“Oh come on, spoilsport. I’ll count,” Jack said. Before the Doctor could protest further, he closed his eyes. “One ...”
“Cheat!” Rose jumped up and fled the room.
“Jack, I—”
“Two! Better get moving, slowcoach, I’m only going to ten. Three!”
Don’t be stupid, the Doctor told himself. It’s only a game.
His hearts hammering at double-speed, he hurried from the living room, unsure where to go. The TARDIS was full of potential hiding places—probably why Jack had decided not to count for too long—but his brain seemed to be caught up in a panic; he couldn’t think straight. He skidded to a halt outside the wardrobe just as he heard Jack call, “Ten!”, hesitated and dived inside.
The Doctor took a deep breath, trying to slow his pulse, before ducking behind a rack of eleventh-century clothes and instinctively curled himself up as small as possible. There was only minimal light; he could barely see a thing. Calm down, he told himself. It’s not Them. Don’t be such a baby.
“Shh, my boy. We’re playing hide-and-seek now, okay? Shush.”
He started as the voice jumped into his head, so clearly for a moment he thought ... but no, he was alone. Without meaning to his hands clenched closed on air, trying to hold something long lost.
He closed his eyes so he didn’t have to see the darkness around him, and clutched closer the arm that encircled him tightly, the arm that was trembling as much as he was. He wanted to start crying again, but it was Hide and Seek. He couldn’t make any noise during Hide and Seek. It upset Daddy.
“Grow up, Time Lord,” the Doctor whispered to himself, his eyes squeezed tightly shut. “It’s just a game, you stupid man. Act your age for once.”
The words made no difference. The longer the silence stretched, the less the Doctor felt like the mighty warrior who’d saved worlds, and more like a confused little boy trying to hide from a nightmare.
He could hear Them now, looking for them. Daddy pressed a silent kiss on his forehead and clutched him tighter still. He could feel the frantic beats inside his chest, and feared it was loud enough for Them to hear too.
A door creaking made the Doctor start, and he shrank back from the sound, barely able to breathe and his hearts now so fast he could barely discern where each beat began and ended.
“It’s only Jack,” he murmured without sound. “It’s only Jack, it’s only Jack ...”
“Anyone in here? Rose?” The American voice did little to calm the Doctor’s nerves. “I know someone’s in here.”
“We know you’re here somewhere, you can’t escape.” A small terrified whimper escaped his mouth, and Daddy’s hand clamped over it, but too late.
“Doctor, maybe? Come out, come out, wherever you are ...”
A mouth pressed to his ear and whispered, “It’s not your fault,” just as the door was pulled open—
Footsteps right there, the other side of the rail, the clothes were suddenly parted—
Bright light pierced his eyelids, and a rough pair of arms grabbed him, and Athteri kicked out, screaming—
“Whoa! Doctor!” Jack recoiled quickly. “What’s wrong, are you hurt?”
It took a moment for the Doctor to catch his breath so he could reply. “Wh-what?”
“You screamed. Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you jump. Are you okay?”
-
Rose was beginning to get cramp in her legs and she was starting to wish Jack would hurry up and find her. She didn’t dare move from her hiding place because she hadn’t got very far, what with Jack only counting as far as ten. What a meanie. No doubt the Doctor would have found somewhere ingenious to wait it out, especially since he knew the TARDIS far better than either she or Jack. She was bound to be found first, she just hoped he would hurry up about it.
“Thank goodness, I thought you’d never find me,” she said when Jack finally opened one of the kitchen’s many cupboards.
“Sorry.”
Rose jumped up and stretched. “Ooh, that’s much better. So, want some help finding the Doctor?”
“Actually, I already found him.”
“Really? Wow, I won!” When she got no reaction from Jack, Rose frowned. “What’s wrong?”
“I dunno. Something’s up with him,” Jack said. “I mean, he didn’t want to play this game, and when I found him he was practically having a heart attack.”
“That’s hearts attack.”
“Not the point. When I asked if he was okay, he muttered something about not agreeing to play hide and seek and stormed off.”
There was a pause.
“Okay,” Rose said slowly. “So ... he doesn’t like hide and seek. That’s fair enough.”
“I don’t think that’s the issue, I think it goes deeper than just not liking it,” Jack insisted. “You didn’t see the look on his face, it was like he was expecting me to eat him or something.”
“Well, maybe that’s how they played it on Gallifrey,” Rose said lightly, and then hesitated. “Or maybe they really did. Do something horrible, I mean. Might explain why he doesn’t like it.”
“Ask him.”
“What? Why me?”
“’Cause he’s more likely to open up to you and you know it.”
Rose shook her head. “I don’t think either of us have a chance with this one. We should probably forget it.”
-
Jack and Rose played cards together for a while, his desire to stretch his legs fulfilled, and the Doctor remained AWOL. Neither of them really had their minds on the game.
“Okay, I give up,” Jack said at last, putting his hand down. “There’s no point playing if none of us ever says ‘snap’.”
“What about ‘crackle’ or ‘pop’?” Rose said with a grin.
Jack stared at her. “What?”
“Never mind.”
“I’m gonna go find the Doctor.” Jack stood up, and looked back down at her. “Coming?”
“No, he’ll accuse us of trying to have an intervention. Just see if he’s okay.”
“Sure.”
Rose packed the cards away, deep in thought. Jack didn’t return, and she headed for her room. When she arrived outside, she remembered that her book was still in the library, so doubled back. She arrived at the Doctor’s bedroom en route, and on her way past caught the sound of voices.
“… there you go, Doc.”
She poked her head around the door in time to see the Doctor, sitting on his bed, knock back a glass of something Jack had just handed him. There was a noticeably empty bottle lying on the floor.
Rose strode into the room, sending a glare at Jack. “What’s that?”
“Tequila,” Jack replied.
Rose grabbed his arm and dragged him to one side. “Tequila?” she hissed. “You know what it does to him!”
“Exactly,” was the smug reply. “And he was drinking anyway, I just handed him a different bottle than the one he asked for.”
“Jack! I thought we agreed after last time that we wouldn’t let him have it again?”
“No, you agreed, I didn’t. Besides, that was before we realised he doesn’t have any recollection of the truths the next morning.”
“That’s not the point! It’s ... immoral.”
Jack raised his eyebrows. “Are you telling me you’re not curious to find out why he hates hide and seek?”
Rose bit her lip. “No. But this isn’t right.”
“Well, you can always put your fingers in your ears,” Jack said. “But I’m asking, and gonna get a genuinely truthful answer.”
Rose sighed. Jack sat down on a chair by the bed, and she followed suit.
“What was that about?” The Doctor asked.
“Nothing,” Jack replied.
“Didn’t look like nothing to me.” The Doctor hiccupped and Rose sent another glare at Jack.
“So, Doc,” Jack said, pointedly ignoring Rose, “what’s wrong with hide and seek?”
The Doctor’s face clouded. “Everything.”
“It’s just a game.”
“It’s not just a game,” was the mumbled reply. “Not for me.”
“Why not?”
The Doctor sighed. Rose, who had planned to follow Jack’s suggestion and put her fingers in her ears, found she couldn’t actually move them. “I hate it.”
“Yeah, we got that part. Why?”
“‘Cause being found was horrible,” the Doctor replied, now staring avidly at a blank stretch of wall as if he was watching a fascinating television programme.
“So ... did the other kids beat you up or something when you got found?” Jack asked.
“Yes and no.”
“Huh?”
“It wasn’t other kids that beat me up.” The Doctor asked Jack to pour him another drink.
“Who?” Rose asked tentatively while Jack obliged.
“Dunno who they were called. I always called them the Them. I don’t remember much of before the day they found us.”
“Us?” Rose said.
“Me and my father.”
Rose and Jack exchanged glances; neither had heard the Doctor talk about his family before.
“He used to tell me we were playing hide and seek, that I had to be quiet so They wouldn’t find us.” The Doctor paused. “Last time I ever saw him.” It was spoken matter-of-factly, but his eyes had glazed over.
“I’m sorry,” Rose said softly.
“What happened to him?” Jack asked hesitantly.
“Dunno. I don’ remember that much. I was four, you see. Don’ even remember what he looked like.”
An awkward silence stretched. Rose slowly and deliberately confiscated the rest of the tequila.
-
That night, Rose couldn’t sleep. She’d made a conscious decision not to bring up the subject of hide and seek, or the Doctor’s father, ever again around him—it was clearly something he wanted to keep to himself. But the events of the day and this new, disturbing nugget of information kept turning over in her head.
In the end she gave up, and decided to see if the Doctor was awake. He usually was, not needing a lot of sleep even when he was drunk. She’d probably find him in the console room, and then she could find something not traumatic to talk to him about till he went to bed.
The console room was empty, though. Maybe it was later than she thought. Or he was drunker. Rose decided to peep in on the Doctor in his room to see if he was asleep.
The Doctor was tossing and turning fitfully , beads of sweat on his forehead, letting out the occasion moan or short gasp. Rose slid into bed next to him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. His head turned, their heads touched.
Pain, dark, sudden light, terror, screaming, “DADDY!”
Rose pulled them apart shakily and the accidental connection broke. The Doctor moaned softly and she edged closer again, careful to keep their heads from coming together again. He seemed to relax a little at her touch, and by the time she had dropped off, he had gone still, his breathing even.
She woke when an arm brushed her, and was abruptly pulled back. “Rose, why are you in my bed?”
She opened her eyes. A blue pair were peering at her, looking confused and a little bit worried.
He had clearly forgotten the whole ordeal—the tequila had done its magic. The hide and seek, the drinking, the truths, the nightmare that followed. Rose felt under no compulsion to enlighten him. “I had a nightmare.”
His expression softened, and he pulled her a little closer, his strong arms encircling her. “Sorry.”
“Not your fault. Anyway, you said I could sleep in here. I didn’t want to be on my own.” Then, feeling the need to justify his lack of memory of it, “You were half asleep at the time.”
She would remind Jack to never bring the subject up. As for mentioning childhood traumas to the Doctor ... as far as she was concerned, she little knowledge they had gleaned she would take with her to the grave.
The End