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Long years of Kanan training her against intruders made Ruby jump at every little sound. She heard the clatter of keys on the counter out in the kitchen and her eyes shot open, her sleep interrupted by the sound. Well, that didn’t matter. Kanan was home. The very thought made her relax into the couch before sitting up, looking around the living room in a daze. She hadn’t even meant to fall asleep. Kanan was already at the stove, peeking at the plate of food that Ruby wrapped up, along with the sweet treat that Ruby always brought home after work at the bakery. That night, it was a strawberry cupcake with a little lollipop decoration.
“Wonder if it’s edible,” Kanan murmured, poking the lollipop. Ruby wanted to say “no”, but she watched as Kanan took it out of the frosting, popped it into her mouth, and then furrowed her brow strongly before spitting it back into her hand. “G-guess not...” Ruby couldn’t stifle her laughter, however sleepy she was. Kanan turned around, eyes wide with surprise. “G-good morning.” Ruby glanced at the clock. It was two in the morning. The thought made her heart twist. She knew an officer’s job was never truly done, but... “Did you see that? How embarrassing.”
“I can put in something edible next time,” Ruby said, awkwardly toeing her slippers on to shuffle over to the kitchen. Kanan pulled Ruby to her with one arm, setting the plastic lollipop on the countertop. Ruby felt secure against Kanan’s body, but the comfort was disrupted when Kanan’s stomach growled. “Have you eaten today? You went for the food as soon as you got here...”
“I had a granola bar earlier, but today was crazy, Ruby-chan,” Kanan said. If by “crazy”, she meant “exhausting”, then Ruby could tell. Despite Kanan’s excitable expressions, her face was sagging a little bit. Her whole body seemed to droop. There were bags under her eyes, too. Ruby knew that, during the day, while she was at the bakery, Kanan rarely slept, instead exercising or doing things around the house (that Ruby insisted on doing herself but always got beat to). Ruby was worried sick, but she didn’t have time to say so before Kanan continued. Kanan picked the cupcake up and took a swipe at the frosting with her tongue. “Some jacka-oh, I’m sorry. Excuse me. Some idiots tried to rob the convenience store around the corner, at about five.” Ruby frowned at Kanan censoring herself, but urged her to continue. “They were...eh, I don’t know, forty? Maybe older? Way too old to go around robbing mini-marts in broad daylight. Long story short, they started taking shots at us, but I took one down and the other ran and got caught just a couple of blocks away. I got a pretty nasty graze, though.”
Ruby blinked. With the way Kanan was speaking so casually, she couldn’t have meant a bullet. “You don’t mean they hit you, right?”
“No, no, it didn’t hit, it grazed,” Kanan said, turning red and stuffing the cupcake in her mouth whole. She had obviously realized her mistake in telling Ruby that. While Ruby stared at her, too furious for words, Kanan quickly chewed and swallowed. “It just grazed my shoulder. It didn’t really even hurt.”
“It didn’t hurt?”
“No.”
“It was a bullet? And it didn’t hurt? A bullet?” Ruby didn’t want to cry, but she was so close...she hated it when Kanan tried to act like every day she went to work there wasn’t a chance that she wouldn’t come back.
“Well, yeah, it hurt,” Kanan said, taking her hair out of its tie and combing through it with her fingers. “But not as much as you think. I wasn’t bleeding out on the floor of the-”
Ruby covered her ears at that, only able to see Kanan’s lips form a confused pout. “Don’t say things like that.”
Kanan gently pulled Ruby’s hands away from her ears, but kept them held in her own. “I’m sorry. I just meant as an example. Something like that would never happen.”
“But you got shot at, just a couple of hours ago,” Ruby argued. “I don’t like this...I don’t like you being in danger, I don’t like you being so tired, I don’t like falling asleep on the couch and hoping that you’ll come home. It s-sucks. It totally sucks.”
Ruby was so sleepy, but she was so glad that Kanan was home, but she wanted to hit her for being so stupid and leaving her so lonely, but she wanted to hold her close...it was so unfair. She understood Kanan’s job perfectly well, and how much it meant to her. She felt like a jerk for complaining, but Kanan hardly seemed phased, anyway. “I know,” she whispered.
“Work with onee-chan at the temple.”
“I can’t do that...”
“She said you’d always have a job there if you were ever in need of one.”
“That’s only ‘cause she hates that I’m a cop.”
“Does the reason matter?”
Kanan sighed, shutting her eyes and washing her hands of cupcake crumbs. After she dried her hands, she opened her arms, and Ruby looked at her skeptically. Kanan always did that when she wanted to avoid talking about the bad things, and it worked every time...at least, on Ruby, it did. Ruby walked into Kanan’s arms again, and that time, Kanan held her tight with both, burying her face into Ruby’s hair and inhaling. “I do it for you.” Ruby lifted her arms and hugged Kanan back. “Thinking that those two could have tried to rob your bakery...or that whatever scumbag I’ve arrested on the street could have come after you instead...it frustrates me. I have to protect you. I know it sounds dumb. What are the odds, right...?”
Slim, Ruby knew that. She pulled back just enough to look at Kanan’s face. She didn’t have the small, tired smile that Ruby had expected to see. No, her face was truly tired then. And not only tired, but...sad. Ruby leaned back in and held Kanan even tighter, so much that she would have squeezed the breath out of her had she been a little bigger. “It’s not dumb. I’m sorry for being so harsh. I just want you to keep coming home to me.”
“I will,” Kanan insisted. “I promise, I-”
“Don’t make promises like that...just say you’ll do your best.” That came out a lot harsher than Ruby intended, but she felt Kanan nod against her. It was a sad truth, but one that they both had to accept. Kanan couldn’t make a promise like that. Ruby broke away from the hug, and Kanan cupped her cheeks, looking into her eyes before kissing her softly on the lips. Ruby had prayed that the kiss wouldn’t end, that Kanan would never let go, but when they pulled back, she just held Kanan’s hand. “Are you going to eat dinner?”
“I spoiled my appetite...” Kanan glanced at the discarded lollipop on the counter and snickered. “Plus, I’m tired. I just wanna shower and go to sleep. And cuddle. My back hurts...I was bent over my desk writing a report for the incident for hours...”
“Oh. I’ll make you a big breakfast tomorrow.”
“I took off work tomorrow, by the way,” Kanan said, chipperly. Then, she looked at the clock. “Or...t-today.”
“Don’t you want to save sick days for something else?” Ruby was wondering if they’d be able to go on a vacation again, soon. They had gone to Australia for their one-year anniversary, much to Kanan’s excitement. It wasn’t for a lack of money that they couldn’t, but time.
Kanan bit her lip. “I don’t want to put a lot of strain on my shoulder, anyway. Plus, the bakery isn’t open on Sundays, right? So we can be together all day.”
Ruby smiled. The days that Kanan did have off, Ruby was at the bakery, and by the time it closed, Kanan was usually sleeping. They made it a point to speak to each other every day, in person, but actually spending time together was a dream come true for Ruby. Even when things are like this, though, our love still survives, Ruby thought, a bit amused. “What do you want to do?”
“Whatever you want to do.” Ruby was hoping that Kanan had admitted that she wanted to rest, because it was obvious that she did. Still, they both knew how much that time meant to Ruby. There was no point in it if Kanan was tired, though.
“You should sleep,” Ruby suggested. “We can sleep in, relax a little, then do something in the evening. Like go out for dinner? I-if you want...I know you might want to spend your day inside-”
“No, no. That sounds perfect. Don’t change a thing,” Kanan said. “Alright. Let’s get started with this sleeping business, then. Go ahead and get in bed, I’m going to take a quick shower.”
“I’ll wait up.”
Kanan seemed skeptical, but nodded and walked down the hallway. As she went into the bathroom, Ruby climbed into the bed. This had become routine for them, and they both knew that Ruby would probably be asleep by the time Kanan got out of the shower, but Ruby tried to hold her eyes open in the darkness of the room. The bed was filled with her scent, but Kanan was all she could smell around her; the sharp, sweet fragrance that Ruby could smell on lonely nights when Kanan lingered.
Ruby sank into the pillows. Just as she was about to give up on staying awake, she heard the bathroom door slipping shut, and the warmth of Kanan pressing against her back. Kanan whispered, drowsily, “I love you, Ruby.”
There were so many things Ruby wanted to say in response. She wanted to say that she loved Kanan too. She wanted to beg Kanan to never leave again, just in case she didn’t come back. She wanted to say all kinds of things about their future together, and what it would hold, but it all fell away from her when she heard Kanan’s even breathing next to her. Even if there was something Ruby felt needed to be said, she wouldn’t bother voicing it then. With Kanan’s body against hers and Kanan’s breath on her skin, Ruby realized that all she could do was cherish the moments they had together, no matter what they were.