Chapter Text
Swords, no matter how well-made, can still form cracks or even break if not properly maintained and if put under enough pressure. Without a doubt, the same can be said for humans. It’s been quite some time since you’ve been inaugurated as a sage, trying to protect history with the help of several historical swords. You’ve seen and experienced many things since then. Some of them were good, and some of them were bad. Nevertheless, you continued to move forward, struggling and fumbling at times, but still moving forwad. …However, there was a limit as to how much you could take both physically and mentally.
A terrified shriek pierced through the silence of the early morning, waking up all of the residents at the citadel. The sound came from near your room, but the voice did not belong to you. It sounded much smaller; perhaps it came from one of the tantous. In any case, the shriek was so loud and alarming that all of the swords almost immediately sprung out of their futons and straight into action. Several doors within the citadel slid open with a loud bang but were left alone without being shut again as the different swords were too worried that something horrible happened to their master. A few of the males bumped into each other in the hallways as everyone ran to your room, their feet thumping loudly against the wooden floors.
Ichigo, who shared a room with his younger brothers which was coincidentally the room nearest to your own, was the first to arrive at the scene. He saw Midare in front of your door, his feminine frame shivering as he stared inside your room. “What happened?!” Ichigo asked. The volume of his voice matched the amount of worry and concern he felt.
Upon hearing Ichigo’s voice, Midare was broken out of his shock. He turned his head to look at the taller male, and he opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. Seeing as his voice was failing at the time, the tantou instead chose to point with a shaky finger inside your room. Ichigo directed his gaze, following Midare’s finger, and he froze, his eyes widening upon the sight that greeted him.
At this point, the other swords started to arrive one by one. They each looked into the room of their master, only to have their faces twist and contort to looks of shock and horror as they saw what it was that Midare was pointing to. The back wall of your room was vandalized, but it was so messy that just calling it mere vandalism seemed like an understatement.
Ichigo, along with a few other tachi, entered your room to inspect the wall and room in greater detail while the others stayed outside; some too digusted to enter, and some trying to calm those who were panicking as to what could’ve happened in the room. The wall was covered in black and red ink that very well could have been mistaken for as blood from afar. There were a few scribbles that looked like drawings, but they were so frenzied that it was hard to determine what they were of; however, it did cause an unsettling feeling in the males’ stomachs.
In addition to the drawings, there were a few words and sentences written throughout, but even those were difficult to read as they were hastily scrawled with some words having been repeatedly scratched over in frustration. Ichigo leaned in towards the wall to try to deciper the writing but was unsuccessful. He was only able to read fragments like “tired”, “had enough”, and “breaking apart”. As Ichigo continued trying to decipher the writings on the wall, he noticed several scratch marks from what looked like to have come from fingernails. The tachi’s eyes widened slightly when he remembered commenting on the condition of your fingers and nails one day; you had dismissed his concern as just not being careful when doing fieldwork. Could it be…?
“These writings…” Mikazuki, one of the swords to enter the room to inspect the wall, softly spoke. Ichigo wasn’t sure if Mikazuki was talking to himself or not, but he was loud enough for the other to hear, so he caught Ichigo’s attention who directed his gaze towards the ornate sword. Mikazuki ran his fingers across the writings and continued, “they look similar to Master’s handwriting…”
Midare, who was now able to form words after overcoming his initial shock, spoke out to explain, “I wanted to borrow something from Master’s room, but since it didn’t look like she was in, I decided to just sneak in real quick to get it, but…”
Midare trailed off into silence, and Ichigo furrowed his eyebrows together as a frown marred his lips. While you were generous enough to allow each sword lots of freedom to do whatever they wished within reason, you were extremely strict in making sure nobody entered your room. It was an important rule you implemented a few months ago and were quite adamant about it. Nobody had any complaints about this. They all figured that your room was your “safe place” where you can forget all your worries and just unwind from a hard day’s work. Your swords were very understanding and wanted to give you that space and peace of mind, but after seeing this sight, they weren’t so sure it was a good idea anymore.
“Is this why Master refused to let us in her room, or…? Those scratches and everything else didn’t all look new. Some of them looked much older…” Ichigo thought to himself as he left the room, feeling too uncomfortable to stay even a minute longer.
“Speaking of which,” Kashuu spoke, catching everyone’s attention, “where is Master anyways?”
Everyone became silent when they finally realized that you were missing. They had been so engrossed in the vandalized wall that they didn’t notice your lack of presence until now. You should’ve been in your room, but you were nowhere in sight. One by one, each of the swords confirmed that they did not see nor bump into you while they were rushing to your room to see what had happened after hearing Midare’s scream. As panic slowly rose in each of their chest, your familiar voice rang out from behind them.
“What’s everyone doing here?”
Your swords turned around to face you, and you raised an eyebrow in confusion at their expressions. You were about to ask what had happened to have everybody gathered in one spot so early in the morning when you caught sight of your open bedroom door, and you stopped your own words. Without a moment’s hesitation, you briskly walked forward, pushing past a few swords in your way who were too slow to move aside for you, and you closed your bedroom door shut with a loud snap. An uncomfortable silence loomed over, and you let out a shaky breath before giving orders.
“Leave. I don’t care what you guys do. Tend to the horses, spar, drink some tea… I don’t care what it is, just…leave me alone right now. …Please.”
“A-Ah, understood. I-in that case, I’ll go and make some breakfast now,” Mitsutada hesitantly spoke, trying to lighten the heavy atmosphere. He asked if anybody wanted to help, and a few of them took that as their cue and left, following close behind him, resisting the urge to glance back at their master. The ones who remained eventually excused themselves, giving a quick bow and muttering a few apologies. Only Ichigo stayed, but you didn’t chide him since it looked like he was going to leave soon too.
“Master, I will leave you alone for now, but later this afternoon, would it be alright if I could have a moment of your time?”
You kept quiet for a moment before answering, “…Fine.”
The male stared at you for a moment, debating on whether he should say something or not, but in the end, he merely bowed his head and left without another word. Your eyes followed his retreating figure for a moment before turning around to enter your room. You shut the door behind you and leaned against it.
“Ah…they saw…” you lamented wearily as you sank down to the floor, bringing your knees closer to your chest and hugging them. “There’s no way I can hide it now.”
The rest of the morning, the citadel was filled with an awkward and heavy atmosphere. Nobody said a word about what they saw in your room, and they each pretended that nothing ever happened, as suggested by the sword who has been with you the longest since you’ve been inaugurated. Even though everybody tried to feign ignorance, it was still on their minds. Some of the swords hesitated in your presence, but whenever that happened, you gave them a firm order to distract themselves with a task so that you wouldn’t have to face those stares.
It was now afternoon, and everybody had just finished eating lunch. They each went to do their own thing afterwards, and you were left alone clearing the table, offering to do it by yourself since you still wanted time to yourself. In the kitchen, Hasebe thanked you for your work as you were finishing up. He said that he would wash the dishes, and so you left without any fuss. As soon as you had left the kitchen, you were greeted with the sight of Ichigo’s figure in front of you.
You were a bit startled at first, not expecting to see him standing there with such a serious expression, but you were quick to regain yourself. You folded your hands neatly in front of you and gave a defeated sigh as you hung your head. Ichigo’s eyes watched you as he asked, “may I speak with you for a moment?”
“Yes,” you answered dejectedly, knowing full well what it was that Ichigo wanted to discuss. “I did promise, after all. …Let’s talk elsewhere.”
“…Okay,” Ichigo nodded, agreeing, as you led him to the garden.
A few of the tantous who had nothing else to do were playing in the garden. When both you and Ichigo came into view, they had wanted to ask if you wanted to join their game, but when they saw the serious expressions on your faces, they had immediately changed their minds and took that as their cue to leave both of you alone. As they walked past, Ichigo gave them a few quick pats to the head, appreciating their consideration, and flashed them a reassuring smile.
You turned around to face the tachi, and as soon as the smaller swords were all gone, he spoke. “That wall in your room…was that your doing?”
“Straight to the point,” you thought as you gave a wry smile. You then answered, “yes”. You decided to answer him truthfully but to not expand on your answers unless he asked directly.
“How long have you been… ‘working’, on that?” Ichigo hesitated on his wording. He didn’t know how else to phrase it, and he visibly cringed at how awkward that question sounded.
“…A while,” you answered vaguely after a moment’s pause.
When you made no move to say any more than that, Ichigo decided to question you further, unsatisfied with that response. “When exactly did you start?”
You pressed your lips together in a firm line before responding. “I don’t know when exactly, but perhaps a few months? I’ve lost track of time, so I can’t say for certain.”
Your eyes suddenly became downcast as you remembered those restless nights. You first tried to write out your thoughts in a notebook since you heard it helps, but that wasn’t enough to quell the negative emotions you managed to accumulate over time, so you moved to scribbling on your wall instead. You remembered how lonely and tired you felt as you scratched the wall with your own nails, even causing them to bleed at times. The first time you scratched the wall so vigurously it caused your nails to bleed, you only stared in silence at the red liquid that mockingly dripped down. It was a satisfying colour that strangely seemed to bring you relief, so you eventually switched to writing with red ink on the walls.
Ichigo watched you with worried eyes as you started to shake. Perhaps this was something he shouldn’t have meddled with, but he was scared for you. He needed to know, and he wanted to help. You brought your arms upwards and wrapped yourself with them; perhaps to stop your shaking, or perhaps to give yourself a comforting hug that you’ve long been seeking.
“It’s okay…” you muttered out the same phrase you always told yourself whenever you couldn’t sleep. “It’s okay… it’s okay… it’s okay…”
You repeated the same two words over and over again as though you were trying to convince yourself of this apparent lie. Ichigo became unnerved by your actions, slowly reaching out his arm to hold your shoulder. “M-Master…?”
When you felt the warm touch from your sword, you abruptly stopped everything—your shaking and your muttering—and you looked up at Ichigo. He let go and stumbled back a bit, surprised at the blank stare you gave him. While keeping your arms wrapped around yourself, you slowly allowed the corners of your lips to tug upwards and gave him a smile that didn’t quite reach your eyes. It was such a hollow smile that it sent chills down the male’s back.
“I’m fine,” you told him, your voice sounding mechanic. “I’m fine,” you repeated, but this time you muttered it to yourself. “I’m perfectly fine.”
Without another word, you started to leave. Ichigo wanted to call out to you, not yet satisfied with the way things were right now. There were still many questions he wanted to ask you to see how he could help, but he was unble to make a sound, and he couldn’t bring himself to reach out to you since this was all completely new and terrifying to him. This wasn’t like you at all. He didn’t know what actions to take or what words to say to bring you back. His emotions and thoughts were all over the place as he stood there, wondering what exactly he should do next.
“…Is this how humans break? If so, it’s a very sad sight to see.”