Work Text:
Kunikida Doppo had a total of fifty-eight conditions for his ideal woman. [Name] weren't even close to meeting half of them. This resulted in her feeling very confused as to why he stayed with her this long, and feeling terrified that he would leave her because you didn't meet his ideals.
She must be polite and courteous to others.
"What the fuck, Ranpo?!" [Name] said angrily. "I was going to eat those bonbons tonight!"
"But they're so good, [Name]-san!" Ranpo pouted. "And it's so rare that you buy them..."
"Because they're really expensive, you inconsiderate asshole!" [Name] said furiously. "I can only afford to buy them once or twice a year, and you just decide to eat them all before I even get the chance to open the bag!"
Kunikida watched all of this happen from his position in front of his computer. He'd been typing up his report before [Name] started yelling at Ranpo. After about five more minutes of shouting and obscene language, [Name] stormed out of the office and grabbed her messenger bag from her desk and slinging it over her shoulder, muttering curses under her breath.
Sighing to himself, Kunikida wrote a date down in his notebook:
6:30 PM: buy some bonbons for [Name]
As [Name] wandered around Yokohama, she suddenly realized that she spent five whole minutes swearing at Ranpo over a bag of candy. And right in front of Kunikida, no less. [Name] sat down on a park bench and leaned her head back, staring at the sun as it slowly set over the horizon. It astounded her that Kunikida had stayed with her for this long. [Name] stood up from the bench, a rueful smile on her face as she headed back to her shared apartment with Kunikida.
By the time [Name] entered her apartment, it was almost eight o'clock in the evening. The first thing she smelled was Kunikida's cooking as he made dinner. Smelled like pasta. He must be making Italian food tonight. The first thing [Name] saw was a small, white paper bag sitting on the dinner table. [Name's] name was written on the bag in Kunikida's unmistakably (and terrifyingly) neat handwriting.
When [Name] went over to the table and opened the bag, her eyes widened as she gazed upon four bonbons. The exact same ones she'd bought before Ranpo had eaten them. Smiling softly, [Name] closed the bag and entered the kitchen, wrapping her arms around Kunikida's waist from behind.
"Thank you, Kunikida..." [Name] murmured softly. "Thank you for taking the time to do this for me."
Kunikida stopped stirring the pasta in the pot and turned around to face [Name], hugging her waist and resting his head on top of hers.
"It was nothing," he said. "I know you saved up a lot to buy them."
She's neat and keeps her surroundings clean and organized.
"[Name], what is this?" Kunikida questioned, gesturing to [Name's] desk.
It appeared to be a mess to most people, but to her, it was organized chaos. For example, there was a haphazardly stacked pile of manila folders and reports pushed to the side of [Name's] desk. However, if a person asked [Name] for a certain report she'd been previously entrusted with, she'd be able to retrieve it from the pile in fifteen seconds or less. [Name] knew where everything was, no matter how messy her current environment was.
"It's my desk," [Name] informed him, a small smirk on her face. "Ask me for something that's on my desk or in my drawers. Go on."
After a moment of apprehensive silence, Kunikda finally said, "The full report on the case with the Azure King."
[Name] lifted up the pile of manila folders and reports, grabbing a certain report held together with a blue paperclip. She held it out to Kunikida, her smirk widening in triumph. Kunikida took the report, scanning the front page in silence. Kunikida finally looked up to face [Name], an eyebrow raised skeptically.
"How in the world do you find what you need in this mess?" he asked.
[Name] shrugged. "Organized chaos," she replied simply. "It might seem like a mess, but as long as nobody moves anything, I can find whatever you want me to."
"Anything."
[Name] nodded. "Anything."
The rest of the afternoon was spent by Kunikida asking [Name] to retrieve various items from around her desk. The rest of the Agency soon got in on it by betting on how long it would take [Name] to find each item, assuming she found it at all. The President even got in on it, claiming he'd give [Name] five-hundred yen for every item she found in ten seconds or less. In the end, [Name] found every last item in under ten seconds. And since Kunikida had made [Name] find forty items, the President ended up giving [Name] 200,000 yen.
"Thanks to you, we're gonna eat out tonight," [Name] declared to Kunikida as they walked back home later that evening. "We'll drop off our work stuff, and then I'll take you to this one restaurant I found during one of my breaks. It's gotten good reviews and the food is supposed to be really good."
"You're not going to spend all of it, are you?" Kunikida inquired.
"Of course not," [Name] replied dismissively. "Despite my expensive tastes, I do understand the importance of saving money in case of emergencies. I'm probably only going to spend about eight-thousand yen, anyway.
"Don't worry, Kunikida. We both know that we'd rather die before falling into poverty."
She must always be prompt and punctual.
[Name] woke up the next morning, sitting up groggily in bed as she glanced at her digital clock. It read 10:30 AM.
"Oh, shit, I'm late!" [Name] screeched, throwing off the covers and running around the house to complete various tasks. She finally threw some clothes on and sprinted to the Agency's go-to cafe to pick up some breakfast for herself. [Name] entered the office, a paper bag tucked under her arm and a cup of coffee in her left hand.
"You're late," Kunikida informed her, looking up from the report he was typing up on his computer.
[Name] collapsed into the chair in front of her computer, placing her coffee in her desk and pulling out a cheese bagel from her paper bag.
"I slept in," [Name] mumbled through a mouthful of food, her expression apologetic. "Sorry..."
"Why did you sleep in?" Kunikida asked. "This is the third time that's happened this week, and you always get up at the same time as me."
[Name] shrugged. "I've been writing a lot more," she replied. "I've also been doing a lot of thinking, and then something occurred to me that I wanted to ask you."
"What is it?"
Sighing tiredly, [Name] picked up Kunikida's notebook from his desk and flipped to the page with all fifty-eight of his conditions for an ideal woman.
"You have fifty-eight conditions for your idea of a perfect woman," [Name] murmured, tracing Kunikida's handwriting with her index finger. "I only meet about ten or fifteen if I'm being generous and violate at least forty of them."
[Name] looked up at Kunikida, her eyes filled with sadness and her expression that of defeat. "Why have you stayed with me for this long?"
After a minute of silence, Kunikida sighed and stood up from his chair. He went over to [Name] and pulled her into a hug, pressing his lips against hers in a soft kiss.
"I realized that you're the right person for me because you don't meet all of my ideals," Kunikida said, tightening his hug slightly. "You aren't perfect, and I love you for that. So don't change yourself just because you don't meet all of my ideals. I love you just as you are."
Finally, [Name] smiled contentedly, relaxing into Kunikida's comforting embrace and wrapping her arms around his neck.
"That's all I ever wanted to hear," [Name] whispered. "Thank you, Kunikida.
"I love you."