Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Tono! Tono!”

Your retainer is calling for you.

“Tono!!”

Are you not going to answer him?

“Tono!!!”

It seems as though what he wants to speak of might be of some great importance.

Kotaro groaned. Having Nakamura and the Samurai both yelling at him made it hard to focus on either. “I hear him. I hear him. Be quiet!” Kotaro hissed. It was still an unfortunate habit to speak out loud in response to the voice of his ancestor, even though it was in his head.

As Nakamura caught up to Kotaro he leaned forward slightly, examining the frustration on his face. “Is it Samurai-dono again?” He had been surprised to learn that even though the spirit of Kotaro’s ancestor was no longer taking control of his body, Kotaro still could hear his voice. He hadn’t thought it worked that way.

“It’s fine.” Kotaro waved it off, “He just started nagging me to answer you before I even got the chance to. So what’s so important?” Kotaro watched as Nakamura broke into a huge grin. It was rare to see his friend’s anxiety completely melt away. He was sure that he and Nagasawa were the only ones in their class who had ever seen him smile, and Kotaro though he’d never seen one as genuine as this.

Kotaro watched as Nakamura began rifling through his bag excitedly. He was pretty sure he’d never seen Nakamura this excited either. He jumped as Nakamura pulled a letter from his bag and thrust it into his face. “L-Look!! I… I um… I… I got accepted!” Kotaro stared at the letter that Nakamura had been sent from a nearby university. Even though it wasn’t far, it was a good school, and they had accepted his friend into their medical studies program.

Accepted… Kotaro pushed the letter down, turning his gaze up to Nakamura’s still beaming smile. Kotaro laughed and threw his arms around Nakamura’s neck, having to jump a little to reach. “Hey!! You really did it!” He hoped it was clear how proud he was, and that it wasn’t clear at all that he was a little jealous. “So you’re really going to be a nurse, huh?” Kotaro dropped back to his feet, patting Nakamura on the arm. “I bet that’ll be a big help to your mother. How’s she doing?”

Nakamura awkwardly shuffled the letter back into his bag. “S-She’s… She’s doing okay lately…” He nodded as if to reassure himself of what he was saying. “I only just got this letter so… I thought… I’d hoped… m-maybe you would… come with me to tell her?”

“M-Me?!” Kotaro pointed at himself, shocked by the request. It was good news, so it wasn’t like Nakamura would really need the moral support. So what did he need to be there for?

He is your retainer, is he not? Of course you should be present to show your pride for his accomplishments. You are proud, are you not?

“O-Of course I am,” Kotaro mumbled, then glanced back to Nakamura who was looking at him oddly, “Sorry.. Samurai-dono again… He thinks I should go too, I guess. I’m just not sure why you want me there.”

Nakamura stared at the ground and shrugged, “I… I just… I wanted to i-introduce you…” Kotaro looked up at Nakamura as he began to struggle with his words the way he did when his confidence was slipping. “I… I’ve never… never made a friend before and after everything we went through… I… I…”

“Well then obviously I’ll go!!” Kotaro interrupted, pushing down the guilt he felt for questioning his place in the scenario. Nakamura was proud of his acceptance letter and he was proud of their friendship. He wanted to present all of these accomplishments to his mother. Nakamura wanted to show her how well things were going.

Unorthodox, but it is a great honor that he sees the companionship of his lord, even one like yourself, as such an accomplishment worthy of presenting to his honored mother.

It took all of Kotaro’s will not to roll his eyes, fearing that Nakamura might misinterpret the action and the last thing he wanted was to upset Nakamura at all. Kotaro grinned and slapped Nakamura on the back cheerfully, “We should celebrate as much as we can! We should get some snacks and flowers for your mom!” Kotaro tugged on Nakamura’s arm, “C’mon! It’s on me this time!”

Nakamura stumbled after him, having to measure his strides to match Kotaro’s much shorter gait. “A-Are… Are you sure? Y-You can afford it, Tono?”

“Don’t worry about it!! What kind of lord am I if I can’t look out for my retainer?” Kotaro grinned, “Dad’s doing really well at the publishing house, and mom decided to keep her part time job too, so we’re doing okay.” It had been pretty touch and go for a while, even after his father had started his new job. Even if they’d never come close to actually running out of money, after everything that happened it had taken his family a while to settle into their normal routine again and stop fearing it might happen.

It was about a block before they settled into a normal pace. Kotaro hadn’t noticed that he was still holding Nakamura’s sleeve. Nakamura had, but decided not to mention it. As he allowed Kotaro to lead him toward the nearest convenience store, Nakamura finally brought up a question he’d been avoiding for weeks, “H-Have you… decided w-what you want to study yet?”

“Well…” Kotaro shuffled along, holding Nakamura’s sleeve a little tighter, “...I’ve… I haven’t applied anywhere yet but I’ve thought about maybe studying Japanese history… I mean after everything that happened, everything I saw and did and felt...” Kotaro smiled, trying to hide his discomfort in talking about it. It was a little embarrassing that being possessed by his ancestor was what had given him anything even remotely passing as a purpose in life, but now he wanted to know so much more about the world the Samurai had lived in. Kotaro shrugged a little, “If I study hard… I’d like to work in a small historical library.”

Hers?

Kotaro shrugged. He was still curious about the strange woman who had given him the book that led to his ancestor of the same name sharing his body, and the library that had been gone for years or perhaps never existed at all.

“T-That’s really amazing.” Kotaro’s train of thought was interrupted by Nakamura, “W-With Samurai-dono watching over you, I’m sure you can do it.” Somehow, Nakamura’s encouragement made Kotaro feel it was possible. He just had to work hard. Kotaro mentally assured himself as they entered the convenience store and began to pick out snacks. Kotaro worried a little about bringing so much junk food to a woman sick in the hospital, but they didn’t have to eat all of it there. They could always continue celebrating afterward.

“Oh!” Kotaro turned as Nakamura held out a package of dorayaki, “T-These are… They’re h-her favorite!”

Kotaro beamed, “Get two!! We can leave the extras with her!” He grabbed a few more snacks as Nakamura placed the packages in his basket and looked at the display of flowers. He was pretty sure there was supposed to be meanings behind different flowers, but he didn’t know them. Would Nakamura’s mother be offended if he brought the wrong ones? He was sure his own mother would be…

Nakamura stood beside Kotaro, watching him as he helplessly looked at the display of flowers. He smiled a little and picked up a small bouquet of peonies. “S-She would like these I think.” Kotaro took the flowers with a relieved smile and a mumble of thanks before crossing to the checkout counter. Nakamura glanced away to the floor as everything was rung up, embarrassed by how much Kotaro was spending on him, afraid to see the final total.

Nakamura jumped slightly as Kotaro tugged his sleeve. “Come on. We’re all paid for.” Kotaro flashed a thumbs up and they divided the bags between themselves as they headed on their way, Kotaro now allowing Nakamura to take the lead toward the hospital. The chatter on the way was light and inconsequential. Shows they had watched on television, results of a baseball game… Kotaro often noticed how relaxed Nakamura seemed. His stuttering would decrease and sometimes he would even make eye contact. He was still a bit shy, but Nakamura would smile and laugh just like anyone else.

It makes your heart beat faster.

Kotaro stumbled slightly at the Samurai’s sudden observation, falling out of step with Nakamura. What was that supposed to mean? What was the Samurai trying to imply?! Nakamura caught Kotaro’s shoulder, looking down at him with concern that Kotaro didn’t want him to be burdened with right now. “T-Tono? Are you okay?”

Kotaro laughed, barely masking his embarrassment, “J-Just some uneven sidewalk or something. It’s fine! I didn’t even drop anything.” He grabbed Nakamura’s arm and pulled him along, the two falling back into step. Kotaro followed quietly as Nakamura checked them in and led them to his mother’s room. Nakamura knocked lightly before cracking the door to make sure his mother was awake.

“Tsuyoshi!” His mother chirped cheerfully, pushing herself up so she could sit. Nakamura smiled and pushed the door open, carrying in his bags with Kotaro close behind. His mother tilted her head slightly, “Who’s this? You brought a friend?”

Kotaro quickly went into a deep bow. “I-It’s nice to meet you! I’m Nakamura’s friend from school! Mochizuki Kotaro!”

The soft laughter from Nakamura’s mother startled Kotaro slightly. “So Tsuyoshi has finally brought the great Mochizuki-dono to visit. I’m honored. Thank you for taking care of Tsuyoshi.”

Carry yourself with more pride! You are his lord! You are meeting his honored mother!

Kotaro wasn’t sure if the Samurai could tell that Nakamura’s mother was teasing him, and he was certain that Nakamura hadn’t told her about the Samurai. So he just tried to ignore the nagging of his ancestor in the back of his head. “I-It’s no problem!” Kotaro blurted out, “He’s kept me out of more trouble than I have for him!” Kotaro straightened his back and smiled awkwardly, setting down the bags he carried to help Nakamura move chairs over for them to sit beside the bed. He quickly took out the flowers they had bought and presented them to the woman in the bed. “H-Here! I hope you’re feeling better soon!”

Nakamura’s mother took the flowers with an amused smile, “Thank you. You’re just as thoughtful as Tsuyoshi says.” Kotaro was startled by that, looking quickly to Nakamura, who tensed and stared off into a corner. Kotaro watched him for a second before elbowing him lightly.

“Didn’t you have something you wanted to say?” Kotaro nodded toward Nakamura’s bag.

“O-Oh!! Right!!!” Nakamura jumped, scrambling to pull the letter from his bag and present it to his mother, “I.. I got accepted! The university accepted me!!” Kotaro smiled, watching as Nakamura’s mother gasped and took the letter, praising her son. He knew Nakamura worried about being able to pay for university, but for the moment he didn’t seem concerned at all about it.

Does he know you plan to help him?

Kotaro bit the inside of his lip, keeping himself from mumbling out loud. Of course Nakamura didn’t know that half the reason that Kotaro still wanted a part-time job in college was to help him financially. Especially since his family was finally stable again and after all Kotaro had put Nakamura through, especially in his defense when Iwanaga had tried to frame him twice, Kotaro felt that it was the least he could do.

“We brought some snacks to celebrate.” Kotaro chimed in when the conversation between Nakamura and his mother had lulled a bit. He dug through the bags, pulling out one of the packages of dorayaki, “Nakamura said these were your favorite.” He opened the package, handing her one of the wrapped treats inside.

“How sweet.” Nakamura’s mother cooed, unwrapping it happily. Kotaro fell back into easy conversation with Nakamura and his mother, telling stories of school, much milder versions of their misadventures, and their plans for the future.

Kotaro was surprised how relaxed he felt, even as he awkwardly relayed his plans to study history in spite of his bad grades and no real plan with what he wanted to do with those studies. “It’s just something I’ve taken an interest in,” Kotaro laughed and scratched his head, “Nakamura’s got it all figured out way more than me.”

“To-- M-Mochizuki…” Nakamura stumbled not to call Kotaro by the samurai-styled nickname, “J-Just because it’s something different from what I want to do, doesn’t mean it’s not as important.”

“Ah... I... I didn’t mean...” Kotaro shook his head, “Never mind.” He smiled and shrugged a little, stuffing some chips into his mouth. Nakamura’s mother just laughed.

“Personally,” she chimed in between bites of the dorayaki, “I think it’s nice to see someone your age taking an interest in history. Humans can’t make any progress if we don’t learn from what was good and bad about the past.” Kotaro blushed, hiding his embarrassment behind another mouthful of chips as Nakamura asserted his agreement. Kotaro was relieved as the conversation flowed easily from there back into simpler things and light hearted stories about Nakamura’s childhood. He volunteered stories from his own childhood about Nagasawa or Yuna or his parents.

As things began to wind down, Kotaro began cleaning up the bags and wrappers, watching Nakamura with his mother as they talked quietly about his plans for college and how proud she was of his acceptance. Kotaro threw away the trash and moved the chairs out of the way as Nakamura rose to hug his mother, and waited quietly by the door until Nakamura had finished his goodbyes.

The pair only had one bag each of leftover snacks as they walked out of the hospital. The night was clear and warm, and Kotaro was grateful for the nice weather. They were a few blocks away from the hospital before Nakamura stopped walking.

“T-Tono?”

Kotaro turned, caught off guard as he was practically swept off of his feet when Nakamura dropped his bag and pulled him into what might have been the tightest hug he’d ever experienced. Kotaro scrambled to cling to Nakamura so as not to fall. He was slightly panicked until Nakamura finally spoke. “T-Thank you… s-so much for coming with me…” His voice was barely above a mumble near Kotaro’s ear, “S-She… She was so happy. I.. I haven’t… seen her smile like that in... so long…” Nakamura sniffled and Kotaro was afraid he might cry.

Letting his own bag slip from his grip, Kotaro wrapped his arms around Nakamura as tightly as he could, patting the back of his shoulders. “It’s okay. I had a great time. Your mother is really nice.” Kotaro smiled, “I’d love to visit her again with you sometime.” He gasped slightly as Nakamura held him tighter.

You have done right by Nakamura. Unorthodox a meeting as this may be for a Samurai, you have done well and should be proud.

Kotaro pressed his face into Nakamura’s shoulder, not sure he really deserved the Samurai’s praise. He hadn’t really done much of anything, had he? But he felt a connection to Nakamura in the hug that he’d never felt with anyone. The closest he could think of was…

Your heart beats the same as mine on my last night with my wife.

Kotaro closed his eyes tightly, trying not to think about it. Why would it remind him of that of all things? Nakamura was just his friend… But the way Nakamura clung to him gave Kotaro the same feeling as when the Samurai’s wife had leaned on his shoulder as he wrote the Samurai’s death poem. Kotaro finally loosened his hold, sliding out of Nakamura’s arms to pick up his bag. They resumed their walk side by side, stopping only when they came to the side street where Kotaro would normally separate from Nakamura to go home. The moment was long and utterly silent as they both stared down the street where Kotaro was meant to depart.

“H-Hold on…” Kotaro dug his phone from his pocket, sending his sister a message that he’d be spending the night at Nakamura’s to study and that she should tell their parents he’d be home some time the next day. Kotaro held the phone out to Nakamura, displaying the message. “I-Is this okay? You… seem like you don’t want to be alone right now.” That felt weird to say. It’s not like anything was going wrong for Nakamura,or for himself, but the way both of them hesitated instead of just saying their goodbyes and parting ways… Kotaro looked up at Nakamura as he nodded slowly. Kotaro sent the message before putting his phone back into his pocket, and took hold of Nakamura’s sleeve, tugging lightly to let him know he was ready to keep going.

The rest of the walk was completely silent. Even the Samurai refrained from comment as Kotaro clung to his friend’s sleeve. He only let go when it was time for Nakamura to unlock his door. Kotaro, unsure of what else to do began looking for a place to put away their excess snacks. Nakamura led him to the kitchen to do the same with his bag.

“Tono?”

Kotaro faltered at the sound of his friend’s voice.

“Do you love Nagasawa?”

The question had become something of a joke between them, but Nakamura was never the first to ask. Kotaro would always ask him, and then Nakamura would parrot the question back. Then they would try to laugh it off. Nakamura asking first made that rhythm feel odd, and Kotaro honestly wasn’t sure what his answer was.

“The Samurai always asked if she would have his children.. W-Which… since it’s.. It’s your body.. T-They’d be your children wouldn’t they? S-She.. She never really said no.”

“T-That doesn’t mean I want to!” Kotaro whined, “No one ever asked me how I felt about it at all!”

“I’m asking.” Nakamura responded, quicker than Kotaro anticipated and it took him a few moments to figure out how to respond.

“Nagasawa… is important to me.” Kotaro nodded, “But I don’t think like that. She’s important like Yuna is important. I think of her like that.”

The relief on Nakamura’s face was hard to spot. His expressions were always so guarded to avoid conflict. But Kotaro could see it. So Nakamura liked Nagasawa after all…

Why do you feel disappointed?

Kotaro shook his head, refusing to answer. He didn’t know really. Was it disappointment weighing in his chest? The Samurai had been able to identify the feeling so easily. “So…” Kotaro shrugged it off, “...What about you? You love Nagasawa don’t you?”

Nakamura shrugged, closing the cabinet. “I… I don’t… think so. I just… wanted to k-know who Tono likes.”

Kotaro leaned on the counter, staring at the flat surface with no real clue as to what he wanted to respond. Who did he like? Did he like anyone? If he did, how was he supposed to even know? All he knew was that it was like the Samurai said… His heart beat faster when he was close to Nakamura, and he’d been disappointed when he thought Nakamura had liked Nagasawa. And he’d gone out of his way to stay with Nakamura tonight for no real reason…

“Who do you like?” Kotaro looked up at Nakamura, who seemed just as startled by the question as Kotaro had. He watched Nakamura’s face turn red as he shuffled away from the counter to sink down by the window. Kotaro, unsure of his other options, followed. It felt odd to look down at Nakamura instead of up. Was Nakamura sniffling again? Kotaro crouched beside him trying to see his face, but Nakamura seemed to be going out of his way to avoid being seen. “...Nakamura?”

Nakamura quickly shook his head, but gave no verbal answer. Kotaro leaned in to try and tease him but Nakamura quickly leaned away, which wasn’t a normal reaction. Kotaro frowned. “What’s wrong? You can’t just ask me and then not give me an answer!” Kotaro tugged on Nakamura’s sleeve, “You like someone right? Otherwise you wouldn’t react like that! Who is it? Is it Minami? You two seem to get along…” Nakamura shook his head again. Kotaro flopped down beside him with a groan, tugging on his sleeve to shake Nakamura slightly, “Why are you being weird all of a sudden?!”

You are truly more dense than I could have ever believed.

“S-Shut up...” Kotaro mumbled as he looked away from Nakamura, trying to be as clear as he could that he was responding to the Samurai, “I’m not dumb. He got upset and I’m worried. I-It’s my job to look out for him isn’t it?” Nakamura wiped his eyes on his sleeve, looking over to watch Kotaro argue with his ancestor.

”How could you possibly be unaware of the cause of his stress?

“I know him better than you! Why do you think you know?”

Nakamura put his hand over the one Kotaro still had clutching his sleeve. “T-Tono…” Kotaro’s attention was immediately drawn away from the Samurai and back to Nakamura. “T-The… The one… t-that I… that I like...”

Kotaro sighed and squeezed Nakamura’s arm a little, “Hey… C’mon... Don’t get upset. We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” Kotaro tried to smile, hoping it would break the tension. Instead, Nakamura seemed to get more flustered until he looked away again, slumping against the window, looking defeated. Kotaro let go of his arm and sighed, “Look, I’ll just go home. I kinda killed the good mood.” He pushed himself to his feet and managed a smile, “I’m still really proud of you for getting accepted. We can catch up later.”

Kotaro shifted his weight to step away from Nakamura when his friend caught his pants leg. “Y-You… don’t have to go.” Nakamura looked up at Kotaro and shook his head.

Dense.

Kotaro shot a glare off into a corner before turning his attention back to Nakamura. “If you wanna say something, just say it.” Kotaro leaned over to muss Nakamura’s hair, “C’mon! It’s me! After everything we’ve dealt with, you can tell me anything, you know?” Nakamura turned his head to look up at Kotaro, still flustered and red-faced, still clinging to his leg, and suddenly it all clicked into place.

“Nakamura…” Kotaro took the gentlest tone he could, afraid anything more would startle his friend, “...The one you like… Is it me?” Nakamura hesitated, and then nodded slowly.

Kotaro sat back down beside Nakamura and sighed. “You should’ve just said so.” Nakamura shrugged and looked at the floor. Kotaro leaned his shoulder against Nakamura’s, “I’ve… never really thought about dating anyone. But… you’ve been at my side through everything, and you stuck up for me eve when no one else would. You even figured out what was going on with the Samurai on your own. I’m always really happy when I’m with you.” Kotaro reached over and took Nakamura’s hand, squeezing it tightly, “I’ve never really thought about it, but… maybe I like you too.” He smiled as Nakamura blushed, unable to make eye contact with him again. He’d always been bad at eye contact, and now Kotaro was a little curious how long the reason for it was because of Nakamura’s crush on him.

It was a little surprising that the Samurai had no comment on the situation now. Even if Kotaro called into his mind for the Samurai, there was no answer. Was he trying to give them privacy? Kotaro wandered if he should take advantage of the time while he had it. “H-Hey… Nakamura?” As Nakamura turned his head to respond, Kotaro leaned up to meet him.

The kiss felt differently than when Nagasawa had kissed the Samurai. It didn’t induce panic or confusion. In fact, for some reason it made Kotaro feel very calm. He placed a hand on the window to keep his balance ad she pulled back. For a long moment there was silent eye contact before Kotaro and Nakamura, both red-faced with hearts racing, began to laugh. Kotaro collapsed against Nakamura’s chest, burying his face against his friend’s -- His boyfriend’s? -- shirt as Nakamura’s arms came around him, holding him tightly, all of the tension between them gone.

Chapter Text

The night had gone smoothly from there. Quiet mostly, and no actual studying had been done. Most of Kotaro’s time had been spent curled up with Nakamura on his sofa watching television and eating snacks. They’d talk about the future and what changes this shift in their relationship might or might not have on it. They agreed to tell Nakamura’s mother the next time they visited, and possibly Kotaro’s father in the near future, though Kotaro suggested it might be good to not tell his mother right away. Every now and then he’d get up the courage to kiss Nakamura again, and it was always just as comforting as the first time. They fell asleep on the couch together among a nest of empty chip bags and candy wrappers.

It was mid-morning by the time Kotaro and Nakamura were awake enough to start moving around, and nearly noon by the time they cleaned up the mess from the night before. Kotaro gathered his things and leaned up for one more kiss, exchanging goofy smiles with Nakamura. “I’ll call later and we can make plans.”

“O-Okay.” Nakamura pulled Kotaro into a tight, brief hug before letting him go. Kotaro took out their trash from the night before on his way and then started for home. The Samurai had been completely silent all night, and even now wasn’t answering. It was a little worrying. After a while he shuffled to a stop, his mind too consumed by his thoughts to keep walking.

The Samurai had seemed to be pushing Kotaro toward Nakamura up until their first kiss, but now Kotaro was worried that he didn’t approve and that his ancestor had abandoned him. After all, the Samurai had a wife… Kotaro knew most people were still pretty against same-sex relationships these days, even if society seemed to be getting a little better about it… It was probably even worse back when the Samurai had been alive though. Maybe he had been hoping that Kotaro would reject Nakamura… Nakamura had said that the Samurai had always been asking Nagasawa to have his children…

Kotaro had been about to start walking again when he noticed the sign next to him. Shinonome Historical Library. Shinonome… Kotaro jumped, turning to stare at the building. The library was back!? He quickly ran up the sidewalk, pushing the door open and looking inside. The building was empty and smelled of dust; A far cry from the bustling cafe that claimed to have been here for ten years.

“Oh? What are you doing back here?” Kotaro jumped as Himiko popped up beside him. She frowned slightly and tilted her head, “I thought you were done after your big standoff.”

“What do you mean back here?!” Kotaro snapped, “T-This place was a cafe a few days ago! They said it had been a cafe for a decade!”

Himiko waved it off and shuffled him inside. “The spirits work in mysterious ways,” she cooed dismissively, “Which must mean they have a reason for you to be here.”

“Well,” Kotaro stuffed his hands into his pockets, “I do still hear the Samurai’s voice normally, but I haven’t heard him at all since last night.”

“You mean him?” Himiko gestured to the Samurai sitting behind the counter. He finished the book in his hands and took another from the stack beside him. She sighed, “He’s been here since last night. He’s made a mess of the stacks, but he said you needed your space for a while.”

Kotaro looked to the Samurai, who seemed to be ignoring the conversation. So he really had been giving them some privacy. Though even now the Samurai didn’t seem to want anything to do with him. Kotaro bowed, “T-Thank you f-for letting us have some time to figure things out.” Kotaro took a deep breath, “I’m sorry if it’s not the result you wanted!”

Both Himiko and the Samurai looked to Kotaro at his outburst. The Samurai set aside his book and rose from the stool he’d been seated on. “Result that I wanted? What are you speaking of?”

Kotaro rose, shifting his weight in an attempt to hide his discomfort. “I just thought… you’d probably disapprove of two men… being like.. we are…”

The Samurai turned his gaze to Himiko, who just shrugged, and then back to Kotaro. “Why would I disapprove? I have had a male lover. It was a common practice. I am sure you will learn about it in your ambition to further learn your history.” Kotaro turned to Himiko who nodded, and then back to the Samurai, unable to process this.

“B-But… your wife…”

“Yes.” The samurai nodded, “That was afterward. I had come of age, and as a full samurai was no longer in need of that facet of my relationship with my lord. Soon after, I married.”

“That sort of practice didn’t really die out until the European influences started taking hold.” Himiko added as she began to reshelve books.

The Samurai turned and went back to his seat, picking his book back up. “It is a bit unorthodox for your retainer to be older than you, and that by the standards of your society neither of you have yet come of age, but your era seems to have turned nearly everything on it’s head, so I suppose it is to be expected.” He turned his head to eye Kotaro, “I suppose you even do not plan to end this partnership once you do come of age.”

“Of course not! If we’re happy and things are working, I’m not going to just dump him!” Kotaro frowned. A thin smirk crossed the Samurai’s face and he seemed impressed with how Kotaro had learned to stand up for what he wanted.

The Samurai began to flip through his book, “You are passionate, but yet inexperienced. Have you any questions about attending to your retainer, I will guide you.” Himiko laughed as Kotaro’s face went red and turned his back to the Samurai. “This is normally why an experienced samurai will take his retainer as a lover, but I suppose for your case, this will have to do. You are still from honorable blood, and have become an honorable man.”

Kotaro rubbed his neck, looking over his shoulder at the Samurai. His praise was so rare, and to be called honorable… Kotaro wasn’t sure he deserved that much. “Then you… really aren’t mad?”

The Samurai shook his head, continuing to read.

“You don’t think we’re gross or weird?”

“I have always considered you to be ‘weird’.” The Samurai responded easily, “But your affections for your retainer have no factor in that opinion of you.” Kotaro sniffled, trying to maintain a brave face and push down his urge to hug his ancestor.

Himiko laughed and slapped Kotaro on the back. “Look at you getting all emotional!!” She grinned at him, “It’s not even a big deal and you’re going to cry!”

“I.. I am not!!” Kotaro quickly wiped his eyes on his sleeve, “I just… Nakamura is really important to me, but I don’t want to disappoint anyone.” Especially not the Samurai. He had goals for himself now, a plan for his life… All because of the Samurai’s presence. Kotaro wouldn’t change his mind about Nakamura, but it eased a lot of the weight in his chest that the Samurai approved. Kotaro turned to face the Samurai, getting his attention with the serious expression on his face, and bowed deeply. He didn’t know when he might get the chance to be face to face with the Samurai again. “Thank you for watching over me!”

The Samurai looked away, but Kotaro was certain he saw a genuine smile at the corner of his lips. “As your ancestor, that is my duty now… Grow strong and fight with honor. My sword will protect your back as you move into the future.”

Kotaro’s heart felt like it was going to burst out of his chest. The same Samurai who had berated him in his classroom now spoke as if they were close allies going off to war together. Kotaro quickly wiped his eyes on his sleeve, “U-Understood!!” Himiko laughed at them both.

Kotaro’s heart felt lighter as he left Shinonome. When he looked back the sign outside was gone, and the open doors to the cafe showed bustling business inside. Kotaro smiled a little. At least he knew now that it wasn’t gone for good. When he needed to return, the mysterious library and it’s strange keeper would be there for him. He pressed a hand to his chest, comforted by the fact that the empty, lonely feeling he’d realized had been there since the night before was gone now. The Samurai was watching over him, and had given Kotaro and Nakamura his blessing.

Things were changing, but in the best ways. The Samurai was watching his back and he had Nakamura at his side. He just had to make it through the end of school and entrance exams… And… he had to pick a school still. And get accepted. Kotaro sighed and resumed his progress toward home. At least now it didn’t feel impossible. It would still be a lot of work, but it wouldn’t be impossible.

“I’m home,” Kotaro looked around as he walked into his home. Yuna and his mother were watching a baseball game while his father read the newspaper at the table.

“Welcome home!” His father chirped, not looking up from the paper.

Kotaro’s mother looked over the back of the sofa. “Did you get a lot of studying done?”

“Y-Yeah. Yeah. Plenty.” Kotaro laughed awkwardly, sure that his mother would see through the lie. “Though,” Kotaro looked toward the stairs, suddenly distracted by his own thoughts, “I wanted to look up something that I didn’t understand that well…”

His mother eyed him for a moment, and then turned to watch the game again, “It’s good you’re working so hard for once! Go on and study then!”

Kotaro quickly ascended the stairs to his room, pulling out his laptop. He glanced to the door, then began running searches for information on homosexuality among samurai. He didn’t think he’d find anything specifically on the Samurai, but if it was as common as he’d made it sound then surely there would be something.

Sure enough, there were dozens of websites with history on the Samurai and the practice of wakashudou. Reading it, Kotaro wasn’t sure how he felt. Young boys and older men… But then, the Samurai was only seventeen-years-old when he died. A long life wasn’t guaranteed for samurai. Kotaro sighed and scratched his head.

What is the problem?

“These days, something like that would be a crime.” Kotaro mumbled, “It’s already frowned upon for people my age, but for someone younger to have a relationship like that with an adult…”

Times have changed. For me it was a part of my training. I was lucky enough to receive the honor of being taken under the wing of my Lord and it was a way to understand the loyalty I felt to him.

Kotaro nodded slowly as he stared at the screen of his laptop until that sank in. “W-Wait,” He sat up straight, slamming his hands down on his desk, “You… W-With Sanada Yukimura?!”

Yes. As I said, it was common practice at the time. I was deeply honored by his offer to train me himself and take me as his lover until I was to come of age. He treated me well, and I devoted my life to him.

Kotaro pressed his hand to his mouth, having a difficult time processing this. Someone as important at Sanada Yukimura… With his ancestor… Kotaro couldn’t keep the blood from rushing to his face. Sanada Yukimura… Sanada Yukimura! He thought he heard the Samurai say more but his brain couldn’t process it as he tried to take this in.

What snapped him back to reality was the sound of his phone. He scrambled to take it from his pocket, staring at the name “Nagasawa Ai” on the display. He flipped his phone open and looked at the message.

|| Nagasawa Ai:
|| Congratulations! ♥

Kotaro stared at the screen. Nagasawa was… congratulating him? But the only thing that had happened was… Quickly, Kotaro scrambled to respond, asking what she was talking about.

|| Nagasawa Ai:
|| Minami and I ran into Nakamura at a convenience store.
|| We asked if he’d seen you lately and he got all flustered and told us about yesterday.

Before Kotaro could respond, it was followed by another message.

|| Nagasawa Ai:
|| It’s about time!

What did that mean?! Kotaro groaned and slumped over his desk, frowning at the message. Had Nagasawa known that Nakamura liked him? Had Minami known? Girls were so perceptive about that stuff… It was kind of scary.

|| Mochizuki Kotaro:
|| Can I talk to you about it? Come over. If mom or Yuna ask, you’re helping me study.

|| Nagasawa Ai:
|| I’m on my way.

Kotaro sighed and closed his phone, setting it on his desk. He turned his head slightly to stare at the webpage still up on his screen. If he’d gotten a girlfriend, he’d be out bragging about it. That’s what guys did, right? And girls did it too when they got a boyfriend! Kotaro wanted to brag about Nakamura too… It wasn’t fair!!

Your retainer is loyal and brave. Of course you should feel pride in your connection to him.

“You don’t understand,” Kotaro whined, “ It’s not the same as it was for you. People think this sort of thing is creepy or gross these days.” He frowned at the webpage. It wasn’t fair…

Kotaro looked to the door as he heard his father call from downstairs that Nagasawa was here. Moments later she opened the door, startled to find Kotaro sulking over his desk. “K-Kotaro? What’s wrong?” She frowned and shut the door, leaning over to try to make eye contact, “I thought you’d be in a good mood after what Nakamura told us...”

Kotaro shrugged, not picking his head up. “It’s not that I’m not happy about that. But…”

“But?” She turned her head to look at the laptop, “Why are you looking up gay samurai? Is he giving you a hard time!? Get him out here and I’ll set him straight!!”

“A-Ah.. No, Nagasawa…” Kotaro sat up, lifting his hands defensively, “T-The Samurai has been really supportive. P-Probably more supportive than he’s ever been, actually.”

Nagasawa sat on the edge of Kotaro’s bed and frowned, “What’s wrong then? Why are you sulking?” She looked to the opening in Kotaro’s wall that looked out over the dining room, “Is it your family?”

Kotaro shook his head, “I haven’t told them yet. I think Dad and maybe even Yuna will be okay, but I’m not sure about mom.” He pulled his legs up to his chest and frowned at Nagasawa, “I hate that I’m afraid to tell people. If Nakamura was a girl, I wouldn’t be worried at all.”

The silence hung heavy between them before Nagasawa rose and wrapped her arms around Kotaro’s shoulders, hugging him tightly. “No matter what, Minami and I support you two. You’ll always have us, okay?” Kotaro looked up at Nagasawa. She’d become so strong since they were kids. Stronger than he could ever be, with or without the Samurai. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pressed his face against her stomach. Nagasawa lightly rubbed his shoulders. Kotaro let that sink in. He and Nakamura wouldn’t be alone.

Nagasawa let go of Kotaro and sat across from him on the bed again with a small smile, “Better?”

“A little.” Kotaro shrugged, “It still bothers me, but as long as the four of us are a team, we’ll figure out how to get by,” He smiled a little, “Thanks for coming over. I really needed to talk to someone, and I would have just freaked out Nakamura. I don’t want him worrying about this.”

Nagasawa nodded, “Of course. If you need to talk again, you know how to get in touch with me.” Kotaro exchanged a smile with his lifelong best friend before getting out of his chair to give her a tight hug. He was sure the Samurai would probably find it undignified, and that confiding in a woman probably seemed weak, but Kotaro didn’t care. Nagasawa and Minami and Yuna… Even his and Nakamura’s mothers… The women he knew were the strongest people in the world and he was grateful to have them to lean on. He hoped that one day the Samurai would see enough of this age to understand.

Kotaro let her go, and Nagasawa picked up her bag. He led her downstairs, stepping out the front door with her and shutting it behind them. “I’m going to catch up with Minami,” Nagasawa said, “Maybe the four of us could hang out tomorrow if you and Nakamura are free.”

“I’d like that. I’ll talk to Nakamura and let you know.” Kotaro nodded and checked his phone. He hadn’t planned to see Nakamura again today, but he was tempted to get some take out and surprise Nakamura with dinner. With everything that had been on his mind, he thought that comfort might be nice.

Kotaro waved to Nagasawa as she reached the end of his block, then sat on the steps with his phone.

|| Mochizuki Kotaro:
|| Hey. You still at home?

He stared at the screen wondering why it felt like an eternity was passing as he waited for an answer. It felt like ten years had passed when his phone chimed. Kotaro jumped and quickly opened the message.

|| Nakamura Tsuyoshi:
|| Went to bring my mom some stuff, but I’m home again now.
|| Is everything okay?

Kotaro stared at the message. Every response he could come up with sounded clingy or maybe slightly perverted. He just knew that learning everything he had was exhausting, and he felt so much calmer around Nakamura.

|| Mochizuki Kotaru:
|| Everything’s fine.
|| Just feeling restless, I guess?

Kotaro got up off the steps, deciding that he wanted to go to the convenience store either way. He would decide when he got there whether or not he’d go back to Nakamura’s after. He walked through the aisles, browsing the snacks offered. He stopped as he found the same brand of dorayaki they had purchased for Nakamura’s mother the day before. Was it weird that he knew his boyfriend’s mother’s favorite snack but not Nakamura’s?

”Then take the time to learn.”

Kotaro jumped slightly. He wasn’t sure if the Samurai had tried to sneak up on him, or if he’d just been so lost in his own thoughts. “Shouldn’t I know already?” Kotaro mumbled, trying to avoid publicly talking to himself, “We’ve been friends for months.”

”Months spent fighting on the battlefield to learn your place in this world. Such is hardly the time to learn such modest things as favorite foods.”

Kotaro shrugged, picking up a bag of chips. They’d gotten these yesterday hadn’t they? “It just makes me feel stupid,” Kotaro frowned, “I bet he already knows what I like.” Kotaro wandered to the back wall to stare at the rows of packaged meals, feeling just as helpless.

”He would have no reason to know. He has never asked you such things.”

“But he’s probably paid attention during lunch. I’ve never noticed what he has to eat...” Kotaro picked up a small box. Rice and eel. He made an unpleasant face. Eel wasn’t bad, but he’d prefer something else.

”As your retainer, it is his duty to see to your needs.”

Kotaro set the box back down, shaking his head. “We’re equals. If he knows this, so should I.” He thought hard, trying to remember what Nakamura would bring for lunch, but couldn’t remember any one specific thing. It was always something different wasn’t it? Nakamura didn’t have a lot of money, so he was probably bringing home food from his part-time jobs. It would probably be even harder for Nakamura in university… Kotaro shook his head. They’d get by. He would make sure of it.

”Your war has ended. You are free to take your time in picking your future battles.”

Kotaro picked up gyudon for himself and a katsu bento for Nakamura. That was simple enough that he was sure it would be fine. He paid for everything, and set out for Nakamura’s again. The Samurai was right. There was plenty of time. He and Nakamura had their whole future ahead of them. Kotaro was uncertain, but that wasn’t anything new. At least now he had a plan and Nakamura to keep him steady.

By the time Kotaro was knocking on his new boyfriend’s door, he felt a little more confident. As the door was answered Kotaro watched Nakamura’s expression go from surprise to excitement, and he felt relieved by how easily Nakamura welcomed him. He lifted the bag he was carrying as he stepped inside.

“I brought lunch.”